03x09 - Like We Never Left

[bunniefuu]

There she is! Aw.

You excited for the show?

Don't be nervous. You're gonna do great.

You make a perfect Statue of Liberty.

Daddy and I are very proud of you.

And after the show,

I have something very important
that I need to talk to you about.

Big changes are happening.

- All good things. All...
- [DOOR OPENS]

Hello?

Carlos?

[SMACKS LIPS] Nope. Sorry,
it's just me, not Carlos.

What are you doing
here? What is going on?

We said that we would
meet at the school.

Yeah, and you also said that
her costume would be in her bag.

There was the toga. There was the crown,

but there's no torch. No torch.

- I... What?
- [MAYA] Mommy?

Hi, sweetie. Oh, my goodness.
You so excited for the show?

No.

[SHEILA] Oh, don't be
nervous. You're gonna do great.

You make a perfect Statue of Liberty.

Not without my torch.

Jesus Christ. The undercarriage of
this couch is absolutely disturbing.

When was the last time
you just... [STAMMERS]

Maya, hey, come on. Can you
go look in your room, please?

She's not gonna find it in
there because I packed her

entire costume in the bag
that she took to your house.

All you had to do was
not lose it, Danny.

Damn it, we don't have any time.

- This is a mess.
- Yeah, the pressure's on, Sheila.

I've already sweat
through one sport coat.

- Want me to ruin a second one?
- I want you to stop f*cking up every single

thing that you come into contact with.

I want you to stop f*cking everyone
too, including my assistant.

Wow. Okay, well, I'm trying
to help Maya right now,

and you're the one that's
making it about something else.

But I could ask you what you
believe this revolving door of lovers

- that you're subjecting...
- [MAYA] I found it!

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

[MAYA] My farm animal set.

Maya, we thought you
had found the torch.

No, that's not here.

Well, we don't know that. Not yet.

Can I have a snack?

[SHEILA] Oh, sweetie, I
don't think we have time for

- a snack before the show.
- [MAYA] But I'm hungry.

Uh, okay, well, maybe I can
quickly make you something.

What... What sounds yummy, sweetheart?

Mommy doesn't really keep yummy
stuff in her house, sweetheart,

so maybe try to think
of something not yummy.

How about Daddy makes you a snack?

Does that sound good, sweetie?

All right. [BREATHES HEAVILY]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

It's a big change, for sure.

But that's what life is all about,
is changes and... and challenges...

Oh.

[STAMMERS] No, no, no.
Oh, no, no. No! How?

[SIGHS]

[SHEILA] No one sees
that. It's not even there.

[BREATHING DEEPLY]

It's not even finished. You
don't have time to make it right.

You already did this.

Now end it.

[TRASH CAN LID CLANKS]

I've got an idea.

How about we perform torchless?

You know, we just mime
it. Just play pretend.

I mean, that's what plays really are.

Come on, don't bullshit her.

[SIGHS] Danny, could you please
not swear so much in front of Maya?

Yeah, no, that's the most damaging
thing going on around here.

Can I talk to you for a second?

[BREATHING HEAVILY] Okay.

[SIGHS] What?

I don't appreciate these
passive-aggressive accusations that you...

Look, I have a right to
look after Maya's well-being.

[SCOFFS] Oh, it is breathtaking
how delusional you are.

No, no, you don't get to throw
that sh*t at me anymore, okay?

Not after the sacrifices
that I have made.

What have you ever denied yourself?

I... I would love an
itemized list of the

sacrifices you have
made for your family.

- Then I will f*cking make a list for you!
- [MAYA] Daddy!

- Do you have a f*cking pen?
- Stop screaming! You're scaring her!

I am? I'm scaring her? Me?

- Yes, you!
- [MAYA] Mommy!

I am so f*cking tired of you
blaming me for every g*dd*mn thing

that happens in this
family or in this world.

Do you know what? Yes, I might
misplace a torch or two once in a while,

but I'm not a bad person!

- The insa...
- Grown-ups!

[SWALLOWS]

Maya, take that out of your
mouth right now, please.

Maya, this isn't funny.
Take that out. Sheila?

Honey, spit it out.

- Spit it out.
- I can't. I swallowed her.

This is serious, Maya. You have to

spit this out of your mouth right now.

- Stop it! You're scaring her. You're okay.
- Well, she's scaring me!

- She's okay.
- We're going to the hospital right now.

- No, we are not.
- No! No hospital!

You don't get a vote. You've just put

something very dangerous in your body.

- You're panicking. Calm down.
- Yeah, of course, I'm panicking!

And for good reason! Follow my lead!

Just take a second, please.

Hold on a second while my daughter

dies of toxic levels of piggy plastic?

Okay. Okay. You know what, sweetie?

Please stay here. I'm just
gonna talk to Daddy for a second.

- Come with me.
- [SIGHS]

Ow. Ow. God! Would you
stop manhandling me?

- Jesus Christ.
- You need to pull it together.

We don't f*cking know what
that pig is even made out of.

It could be... [STAMMERS]
... lead or mercury or barium!

- We don't know that.
- [SIGHS]

I have high hopes for
Maya's death, okay?

I would like her to be in her s.

I would like her to be
surrounded by friends and family.

Not six years old, surrounded
by f*cking toxic farm animals.

- So, yes, I'm scared, okay?
- Okay. Oka... I get it. I get... I get it.

You're taking this seriously
because it's serious.

Yes. And I would like
that out of her ASAP.

We're on the same team here. We just...

- Take a breath with me, okay? [INHALES]
- What?

Inhale through the nose.
Exhale... [EXHALES DEEPLY]

[BREATHING DEEPLY]

... through the mouth.
Inhale. [INHALES DEEPLY]

- Take a b*at.
- [BOTH BREATHING DEEPLY]

[INHALES DEEPLY, SIGHS]

Do we still have the encyclopedia
set that your dad made me buy?

We do.

Okay. On-the-fives tummy check.
How's your tummy feeling now, Maya?

Same. Fine.

Okay, and you'll tell us if
it's any different, won't you?

Okay, barium, what have you got for us?

Okay. "Ingestion can lead to... [SIGHS]

... organ failure and
developmental problems."

[SIGHS] Okay, well, we don't
know that it contains barium.

And also, it has a
higher risk in children

because of their more rapid metabolism,

and barium can also
spontaneously combust. That's fun.

[CHUCKLES] I hate this country.
I actually hate all countries.

Would you take this back
to Maya's room, please?

I just think that if we could
find out where we got the toy,

then we could get the brand and
find the box and read the label,

and then I could feel... we...
we could feel less scared.

I think it was a gift.

I really don't think I would
have bought her a farm-themed toy.

[MAYA GASPS] Grandma Lolli!

Grandma Lolli bought me a
farm set for my birthday.

Really? Are you sure, sweetie?

She said, "Your mommy
would never buy you this."

That sounds exactly like Grandma Lolli.

Oh, very good. Great job, Maya. Okay.

I can call. I don't have the baggage.

I'm good.

Okay. [SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

[SIGHS]

[CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS, CHUCKLES]

[BREATHES SHAKILY]

[SNIFFLES, SIGHS]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

[CHUCKLES]

[SNIFFLING]

- [SIGHS]
- [MAYA] Daddy, come here!

[SNIFFLES, CLEARS THROAT]

Yes, yes, he's here right now.

They're talking about you.

Because he's still her father, and I...

Maybe it is confusing for
her. I-I don't know. I...

Mother, can we not?

I just need you to remember where
you purchased the set because...

because Maya loves it so much,

and I was planning on giving one
to her friend for her birthday.

Which friend? Jenny
S.? Jenny G.? Jenny...

Don't interrupt Mommy when
she's lying to Lolli, okay?

Tummy check?

I feel a little like going.

Okay, that's potty time.
That's all I need to hear.

All aboard.

- I really...
- [DANNY GRUNTS]

I don't understand why it's insu...

Wait, wha... What are you getting?

Please, Mother, don't. Please,
don't get off the phone. [SIGHS]

This is ten dollars.

It's a lot of money.

And all of it is yours if you
just go to the bathroom, okay?

It's gonna be right here
waiting for you, all right?

[INHALES SHARPLY] Hey,
any intel from Cruella?

- Uh, a lot, actually.
- Okay.

She found the check that
she bought the toy with.

That's impressive.

So she called Clemson's Toys,

- which is, of course, closed.
- Less impressive.

But she knows Mrs. Clemson
from her garden club,

- so she called their house.
- Okay.

And she got on the line
with Mr. Clemson himself.

Keystone Collectibles
Farm and Barnyard Set.

- Oh, Grandma Lolli coming through.
- [CHUCKLES]

[DANNY GRUNTS]

- Sorry. Uh...
- No. Mm-hmm.

- Gr... Uh, great. Great, good. Yeah.
- That's fine. Yeah, no.

- What... What are you doing?
- Uh...

I'm gonna go call the old ladies at
the reference desk at the library,

so wish me luck.

- [STAMMERS] But it's nine o'clock.
- Oh, they're there.

They'll be there all night.

[SHEILA] Hey.

[SIGHS] How are you doing?

Well, when my daughter
is finally off of the can,

uh, the entire family
is coming down there.

Sweet treats for, uh, the ladies at

the reference desk, I'll tell you that.

Okay, Joyce. Thank you. Bye.

Oh, my God. I don't
care what anyone says,

the library is f*cking cool as sh*t.

Okay. Good news?

- Great news. They looked up the toy set.
- Yeah?

They looked up every single
material listed. Nothing toxic.

- Okay! No barium?
- No barium!

- Whoo! Whoo!
- And just like that,

I love this g*dd*mn country again.

- Oh, man.
- [CHUCKLES] Oh, my God.

- [CLICKS TONGUE, CHUCKLES]
- [SIGHING] Hmm.

[SWALLOWS] I don't know what
happened with that, um...

[SNIFFLES] ... kiss thing.

I think I just forgot for a
second what my life actually was.

Oh, it was nothing.

I'm just... [STAMMERS]... grateful
that we... we figured this out.

- Together. [CHUCKLES]
- Yeah.

I-I want you to know that.

Yeah, me too. [CHUCKLES]

Because, you know...
[SIGHS] ... it just...

- And, uh, you will take over?
- Okay. Yes.

- You be the head of the poop patrol.
- Okay. Uh-huh.

And I'm gonna go ahead and head home.

And just give me a call
when it emerges. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.

I'm not going to sleep anyway, so
you should, uh... you should go.

- Get some rest. Yeah.
- Yeah. [CHUCKLES] Yeah.

I'm not pooping without Daddy.

Well, that's very sweet, but...

I want a whole-family
pizza party or no poop!

[CLEARS THROAT, SIGHS]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hey. Come on in. You don't have
to wait out there. [CHUCKLES]

That'll be . .

Wow. Really? Huh.

Well, I hope some of that is trickling
down to, uh, you and your ilk.

Oh, sh*t. sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[SIGHS] I thought I had
cash in here, but I don't.

No one here has . ?

[SHUSHING] Yes, shut up. Sorry.
Yes, people here do have . .

My ex-wife... ex-wife is here.

And she has lots of
. 'cause she's rich.

I am just... [INHALES DEEPLY] ... Danny.

Tell you what I would
like to not have to do

is go ask my ex-wife,

in front of my daughter
who's also here... [SIGHS]

... for . to pay
for this pizza, okay?

Can you help me out here?
Can you save my life?

Oh, are... are you fa... uh, familiar

with the French luxury brand Hermès?

This is not available. This is my mom's.

Well, no, it's my w-wife's.

Ex-wife. Jesus Christ.

f*ck. [CHUCKLES] It's
been a... It's been a day.

What is going on right now?

Do you smoke? Because I have
grass. I can pay you in gra...

Just take the pizza.

- I can have it?
- Yeah. [SIGHS]

Oh, my God. Trent. Trent,
thank you. Oh, you saved me.

- End this hug, or I'll take it back.
- Yes. Yes. Yes.

You're right. That's fair.

Oh, my God.

[SIGHS]

Oh, I don't know if
you care or whatever,

but this was knocked over outside.

Or, like, hidden maybe, in the bushes.

Anyway, it might have been ran
over. It might have been by me.

[DANNY SIGHS] Cheap pizza.

It will destroy me,
but I accept my fate.

Like Scoots.

- How dare you? God.
- What's Scoots?

- It's a restaurant on Catalina...
- A human rights violation.

... which is an island.

Which is where your mom and
I went for our honeymoon.

And a honeymoon is a vacation that
you take after you get married.

- I know about honeymoons.
- [SHEILA] Oh, okay.

So, one afternoon during our honeymoon,

your daddy rented a sailboat

- to take us out...
- [DANNY] Mmm.

... and look at the sunset
and sip champagne and...

- Kiss and stuff?
- [SHEILA] Exactly.

But before we got on the boat, we
went to this restaurant, Scoots.

[CHUCKLES] And then everything changed.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah. But not right away.

We went out on the boat first, and,

you know, it was a truly beautiful day.

It was. Pink skies, perfect weather.

That's when the pooping started.

[SHEILA LAUGHING]

Did the boat have a potty?

Yeah, well, let's just say
at the beginning of the trip,

- the boat did have a potty...
- [LAUGHS]

... and by the end, um...

Daddy broke the potty.

[ALL CHUCKLING]

TV on the toilet. The American dream.

[INHALES DEEPLY] I bet Reagan's
doing the same thing as we speak.

You want a drink? Like
a glass of wine, beer?

No, no, I'm good.

Well, yeah. Yeah, of course, I do.

I don't know why I said that just now.

What kind of wine are
you pouring these days?

I don't wanna get into this right now.

- I'm really tired. And I just...
- Yeah. All right.

Were you gonna tell me, or were you
just gonna wait until I found out?

Of course, I was gonna tell you.
We have to work out the logistics.

Didn't think I would care? Like
I wouldn't have feelings about it?

I know you do. But
your feelings aren't...

aren't my job anymore.

Is it him?

Are you, uh, moving
in with your boyfriend?

I don't have to tell you that.

[SCOFFS, SIGHS]

Carlos and I broke up.

I bought a place at the beach. [SIGHS]

At... Not the...

The place that we've
talked about and looked at?

- In LA. Santa Monica.
- [SCOFFS]

Sheila, you hate LA.

We moved to San Diego
because you hate LA.

I'm starting over. Clean slate.

Sure. Bought and paid for by John Breem.

Bought and paid for by me. f*ck you.

We were just saying goodbye that night.

Not that I owe you an
explanation for that.

While you were sleeping
with my assistant.

What do you mean s... "goodbye?"

He's gone to be a fundamentalist
with his wife and family.

And how, uh... [SNIFFLES]
How are you doing with that?

Do you really care?

Yes. Always.

[SIGHS] I-I'm angry, and I'm jealous.

Yeah, me too.

Not of her, of him.

Having something so solid to return to.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah, that
sounds pretty great.

[MAYA] I think it's coming out!

Well, does anybody wanna say anything?

Hey, you know what? Why
don't you do the honors?

You've earned it.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

[ALL] ♪ I love you,
a bushel and a peck ♪

♪ I love you with a
hug around the neck ♪

I love you, my big girl. Mmm.

Love you, Maya. Never change.

I love you, Mommy.

And I forgive you, Daddy.

You didn't mean to
drive scary. Night night.

And I'm sorry.

[BOTH SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

- I don't care. No.
- Do you? Do you?

No, I don't care.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

I made a mistake. I am sorry.

It isn't something... [INDISTINCT]

... and go on and on and on about.

I'm not... [CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

You know, in retrospect,
I'm glad we never got a dog.

[CHUCKLES] Me too, I guess.

Just one too many things
to keep alive. [CHUCKLES]

[SMACKS LIPS] So that's
why she was a mouse. [SIGHS]

Yeah. I feel like sh*t about it. [SIGHS]

Well, what's that gonna change?

[SCOFFS] Nothing. [SNIFFLES]

Mattaes Healy, you ever
talked to Maya about him?

[LAUGHS] You're that desperate
to change the subject?

Yeah, clearly.

No. God, no. Why would I?

'Cause he's part of your life story.

You know, I took his Stoics
lecture out of pure spite.

I don't think he cared or noticed.

I was so infuriated that he got to...

that he proposed to
you, and you said yes.

I never went through with it.

And you were seeing someone else too.

Ellen from Fresno.

Another student, not a department chair.

But all I wanted was you.

Don't do this.

You don't ever do that?

You don't ever look back and
just kinda think about that time?

Uh, I try not to. I'm moving forward.

That's the whole point. This is
why I need a fresh start, just to...

You try not to. So that
means that sometimes you...

- I don't pine over our college...
- Affair.

That's what it was. You and
me. That's how we started.

Our clandestine affair.

I know what it was. I-I
don't think about it.

Well, I don't believe you.

To this day, I have never seen
you happier than you were then.

We were children. Children
are happy. We were playacting.

We were in love, and
we were making love.

And we were . We were hardly children.

It wasn't real life.

You liked it.

Don't tell me what I like.

You don't know what I like
anymore. I have other things now.

- My work.
- Back then.

And besides, I've been lying to
people about my feelings my whole life.

- I'm very good at it. I always have been.
- [SCOFFS]

Don't do that.

Don't minimize what we
had in our little bubble.

I knew you to your marrow back then.

And it was special.

We're over, Danny.

Yeah, I know. Believe me.

- [DANNY SIGHS]
- [DOOR CLOSES]

I'm just talking about
being grateful, okay?

And I bet John Breem was grateful too

for whatever bubble you had with him.

You wanna fight? Is that it?

No, I don't. I just... [SIGHS]

I want you to admit that
then was real and good.

Fine. Fine. Back then was good.

Maybe a bubble is the only
place that's good for me.

I-Is that what you're saying?

No, I don't think so.

[SIGHS] I should go.

You drunk enough to drive?

That's witty.

I've overstayed my welcome.

No. [LAUGHS] On the contrary, I feel
like you're finally making sense.

An affair is the best that I
could hope for in my love life.

Compartmentalized, sexy but
shameful, temporary, destined to fail.

The only thing I can really ever
be married to is my work, right?

So I should move to LA, where
everybody's terrible, like me.

- Don't say that.
- Oh.

I am terrible. I'm a
terrible f*cking person.

Let me show you.

- No, come. Come with me.
- [SIGHS]

Let me show you. [SIGHS]

You know, Carlos is a good
person, or so you said.

And you chose him. So
that should mean something.

Yeah, he is. Yeah.
But not me. [CHUCKLES]

That's me, Lady Liberty.
A big f*cking liar.

- Mystery solved. Yeah.
- Yeah.

- I forgot that I hadn't finished it...
- Mmm.

... and I forgot that I
didn't put it in the bag,

so I buried it.

[LAUGHS] Good people don't
do this to their daughters.

[STAMMERS] Good people
don't exist. Okay?

It's purely a myth.
Everyone is mostly terrible.

Here. Case in point. Look at this.

- I was in here earlier, and I...
- Oh, just snooping around my room?

Yes, I was snooping around your room,

and it really meant something
to me that you held on to this,

that it meant something to you,
even though my mother gave it to you,

and you didn't even like
her. For good reason.

But I kept it. I slipped
it into my pocket.

Terrible me.

Your mom didn't give me that.

That's from my cousin Judy when
I was a bridesmaid at her wedding.

No. No, my mother gave this to you

when you were a bride in our wedding.

Well, I have...

I have no memory of that
because I-I'm a terrible person.

- No, you're not.
- g*dd*mn it!

Danny, please just stop thinking that

you know me because you don't, okay?

- Nobody does.
- God, f*ck!

- [GLASS BREAKS]
- [GASPS]

g*dd*mn it! [BREATHING DEEPLY]

[SIGHS]

I'm gonna make you a bed on the couch.

[SIGHS]

[SHEILA] This lack of sleep is
going to show on your skin tomorrow.

You don't want him to come in here.

You don't want him to.

You don't.

You don't.

[SIGHS]

It's over. Go to sleep.

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

[DANNY] Hey.

- Hey.
- Yeah?

I should probably go to my
room, you know, for Maya.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Yeah. We don't want her to
get the wrong impression.

- My breath probably smells terrible.
- No, it's fine. Mine is...

[EXHALES SHARPLY, SNIFFS] Yeah.

- [CHUCKLES] Mine is pretty terrible.
- [CHUCKLES]

Hey, did you, um...

Did you really mean what you
said, that I don't really know you?

[SHEILA] There it is again. That need.

You don't have to give him
this. You don't owe him a thing.

Danny, you know me as well as anyone.

- Yeah.
- [CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS]