14x15 - Icon

[bunniefuu]

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why do you miss When my baby kisses me?

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why does a love kiss Stay in my memory? ♪

MUSIC: 'Who Knows What Tomorrow May Bring' by Traffic

You have finished tearing my boat apart?

Not until we've found the stolen icons, Captain.

We are fishermen, not criminals. We catch fish.

Clean as a whistle, Sarge!

I told you, you are wasting your time.

- Must have stashed them somewhere. - We'll have to be on the look-out.

How was it in Whitby, then?

Disappointing.

Nothing on the boats?

ROB: Not unless you count a mountain of fish.

- Fancy a brew? - No time for tea, I'm afraid.

I want you to go round the antique dealers.

Get them on the look-out for anything connected to Russian icons.

Anything vaguely suspicious,

I want them to contact us immediately.

- Sarge. - Sarge.

- Have you come far? - Birstall.

We're having a break for a few days. We needed a change, didn't we, love?

Well, you should find it relaxing enough around here.

Excuse me.

When you can spare me a moment, you beautiful signora,

I would love to sample one of your English breakfasts.

I won't be long, Giovanni.

I'm showing these people to their room.

Grazie.

Right, let's get you settled in, then, shall we?

Thanks.

The Italian's a long way from home.

Milan. Truffle salesman, apparently.

Over on a fine-dining conference in Whitby.

- One for the ladies, I reckon. - No, I hadn't noticed (!)

MUSIC: 'Searchin'' by The Spencer Davis Group

♪ Well I've been searchin'

♪ Oh Lord I've been searchin'

♪ And I've been searchin' everywhere

♪ Yay, yay

♪ Oh Lord I've been searchin'

♪ Oh Lord I've been searchin'

♪ And I've been searchin' everywhere

♪ Yay, yay

♪ Just like the North-West Mounties

♪ I'm gonna get her back again... ♪

BELL RINGS

- Good morning. - Morning. Can I help you?

Just doing the rounds, Mr Jones.

A consignment of stolen Russian icons

has been off-loaded in the area.

If you're offered one to buy... - Oh, no.

What is it?

I wish you'd have called earlier, Constable.

I've just bought this, this morning.

I was hoping to send that to an auction house in Chelsea.

Sorry to disappoint you, Mr Jones,

but we strongly suspect that this is stolen.

Aw!

Ah, Mrs Kellett!

A lovely morning, wouldn't you agree?

Yes. Good morning, Mr Scripps.

I wanted to book a taxi for Lord Ashfordly.

He's got a rather special dinner tomorrow evening.

Then you've come to the right place.

VIP, as you know, is our middle name.

Good.

Er, may I ask what this particular bash is about?

Lord Ashfordly's birthday, perhaps?

No, an Old Boys' reunion.

Quite a gastronomic bunch, I hear,

like the excuse to try out fancy dishes.

I did offer them whole baked salmon, but it's not good enough.

Ooh, never mind.

Beautiful, isn't it? th century. Novgorod School.

How much would you say it's worth?

Ten years ago, you could've swapped that for a packet of cigarettes.

Today they're very sought-after on the international art market.

I mean, that's worth several thousand pounds.

- Did they give you any paperwork? - Yes. Here we are.

- Pretty convincing. - They are.

Could you give me a description of the man?

No, I can't. Because it was a woman.

MUSIC: 'Message To You Rudy' by Dandy Livingston

♪ Stop your running around... ♪

Well?

Nothing wrong with a bit of flirting.

Might cheer you up a bit.

To be honest, Gina, nothing could be further from my mind.

I've well and truly had my fingers burned.

Nothing to stop YOU, though.

Forget it! I've had enough of men.

Oh. He's different, he's Italian.

Why shouldn't you have some fun?

No, he might be a bit of all right, but in my experience,

fun always leads to trouble.

CHUCKLES

Can we have the same again, please, Gina?

- Are you enjoying yourselves? - Yeah.

I was telling Gina, we haven't had a break for ages.

- She's lovely. How old is she? - She's nine.

Oh. I thought she was younger.

No, she's been poorly. I think it's held her back a bit.

Well, she looks perky enough now.

I know, it comes and goes.

No one can tell us what's wrong with her.

Hey, missus, any chance of a drink?

♪ A message to you Rudy

♪ A message to you... ♪

DAVID: Eurgh, what's that? It looks like someone's brains.

It's not brains, David. It's a truffle.

Tuber aestivum. Black gold. It's the fruit of the gods.

Looks like something that Alfred's done...

David!

Well, signori, because today I am feeling lucky,

I can let you have one for a good price.

Oh, aye, how much?

Five pounds.

Five pounds?!

For one?!

CLEARS THROAT People who buy from me,

they don't care the price, my friend.

- David, I've just had a thought. - What?

Lord Ashfordly's gourmet banquet.

Er, so, as a man who knows about truffles,

what do you say to three pounds?

You English! You know nothing of the finer things in life.

Arrivederla, signori.

Yeah, "arrivedercio"!

Oh, I wouldn't worry about him, Vernon.

It's just his Latin blood.

No time for a drink, David.

We're going. - Where?

The library.

Do we know anything else about these icons?

Only what we knew already. We were tipped off

that a consignment of stolen Russian icons

was coming through Berlin, then on a fishing boat to Britain.

Captain Jorgan's boat was the only one that matched the details

of the departure port, time, and day.

The boat was being watched when it entered Whitby waters,

and nobody saw anything out of the ordinary.

So, this means they must have slipped through the net!

- What do we know about the captain? SGT NOKES: Not much at the moment.

Walker, I'd like you to come with me

to have another little talk with Captain Jorgan.

Yes, Sarge.

This is amazing, David. My instinct was dead right.

"The desirable summer truffle was found not so many years ago,

"over at Castle Howard."

Perfect! VERNON CHUCKLES

What, you have to dig 'em up, do ya?

From under oaks, hazels, and beech trees.

Coppett's Wood at Woolly Edge,

there's hundreds of beech trees there.

Well, how do you know where to find them?

Knowledge is strength, David. We'll use the book.

Afternoon. Any idea where the captain is?

What do you want this time?

We'd like to ask you a few more questions, Captain Jorgan.

I'm busy.

We can always conduct this interview down at the station.

Don't they use pigs?

- Pigs?! - To sniff 'em out.

And you haven't got a pig.

All you've got is three men and a dog.

Exactly!

Three men and a dog.

Who needs a pig, eh, Alfred,

when we've got a wonderful dog like you?

Ta!

SGT NOKES: Does fishing make you a good living, Captain?

It's enough.

CAPTAIN JORGAN: What is it you want?

A stolen Russian icon was sold to an antique shop

in Ashfordly this morning.

We have reason to believe that it came in on this boat.

You searched us when we docked.

I told you, we had nothing.

Is it possible anyone had access to the boat without you knowing?

No.

But he's not a pig!

All he knows is how to dig up bones.

Pig, dog, it's all the same!

Right. Training.

"The farmer would first let the pig smell a rubber ball

"and then he would hide it in the roots of a tree.

"When the pig finds it, he would reward him.

"Then the same procedure is repeated with a strong cheese

"and when the pig retrieves the cheese

"he then lets him smell..."

"..a truffle."

Oh, well, that's it, then, in't it?

The Italian!

- Look, I have work to do. - Who owns the boat?

All right, who employed you?

A fish-processing company in Helsinki.

If you want to find the owner, ask them.

ROB: Some party!

Three pounds.

All right, three pounds, six shillings.

When I sell for seven in the restaurants?

Go on, four pound, then.

Five.

Oh, very well.

VERNON SNIFFS

Awwww!

KNOCK ON DOOR

We've traced the owner of the fishing boat, Sarge.

An Ingmar Larsen.

Excellent. Do we have anything on him?

Well, he sounds a nasty piece of work.

He's, er, doing six years for GBH in Sefton nick.

And he's got previous for smuggling.

Right, David, Alfred. Checklist.

- Rubber ball. - Ball, yep.

Gorgonzola.

Yeah, I got this from Mr Scripps's house.

Ooh!

I found some cream cakes, as well.

I don't think he'll mind, but we might get hungry later.

Good, good. And last but not least...

the truffle.

We've traced the owner of your boat. Seems he's a bit of a tough guy.

I told you, I never met him.

So, the name Ingmar Larsen doesn't ring any bells?

He's got form for smuggling.

Bit of a coincidence, don't you think?

- I don't have time for this. - Captain,

I would strongly advise you to tell us everything you know.

Well, we'll just have to pay Ingmar Larsen a visit.

See what he says on the matter.

I'm sure he'll be pleased at how cooperative you're being.

Please, er, don't.

Larsen paid me to bring in a consignment, some crates.

Cigarettes.

Where are the crates now?

We were ambushed.

Two miles off shore.

Pirates? In Whitby?

They had g*ns.

There was nothing I could do, they took the crates and left.

- How many of them were there? - Er, four, five.

Can you describe them?

They wore masks.

And where were you supposed to deliver the "cigarettes"?

Well, they were going to let me know once I docked.

MUSIC: 'In The Country' by Cliff Richard and The Shadows

Uncle Vernon's gonna to hide the ball

and you go and find it, OK? Smell.

♪ If the world In which you're living... ♪

ALFRED YELPS No peeking, no peeking!

♪ ..gets a bit too much to bear

♪ And you need someone to lean on...

♪ When you look there's no one there

♪ You're gonna find me... ♪ - Right, David!

♪ ..out in the country... ♪ - Find the ball.

Go on, find the ball!

BARKING

VERNON CHUCKLES

♪ Way out in the country... ♪

Well done! He's done it!

Good boy! Good boy!

Good boy.

♪ And the silver stream Is a poor man's wine... ♪

What's that? What's that? Smell the cheese.

♪ In the country

♪ If you're walking in the city

♪ And you're feeling rather small

♪ And the people on the... ♪

Go on, find the cheese, find the cheese.

♪ ..seem to form a solid wall

♪ You're gonna find me

♪ Hey! Out in the country

♪ You're gonna find me... ♪ ALFRED YELPS

♪ Out in the country... ♪

ALFRED GROWLS

Right, David.

The moment of truth.

I think he's lying, Sarge.

Oh, Sarge, we've had a call from Mr Tyler at The Barns.

He was phoning to let us know that he's been offered an icon to buy.

It was a blonde woman, in her mid- s.

The exact same description as the woman who sold the first icon.

The mysterious blonde.

It certainly looks that way.

According to Jorgan,

he was paid to bring in what he thought were contraband cigarettes,

only to be ambushed by armed pirates.

- Pirates?! - It's what it sounds like.

The last time we had a boat hijack in this neck of the woods

was back in the ' s.

I think he's covering for someone.

Let's get back in there,

and see what he knows about this woman.

Younger, keep checking antique dealers,

make sure no more icons are being traded.

♪ Where the air is good And the day is fine

♪ And the pretty girl Has her hand in mine

♪ And the silver stream Is a poor man's wine... ♪

BARKING

Oh, he's done it, Mr Ver...! That was our tree.

I said he could!

Oh, Alfred! My dog the truffle snuffler.

This is just the beginning, David.

"Vernon Scripps,

"supplier of Yorkshire's finest truffles."

VERNON CHUCKLES

You know something about this woman, Captain.

So why not give us a name?

Because I can't.

Look, she's already sold one icon and tried to sell another.

Icons which we believe were brought into the country by you.

I've told, I don't know what you're talking about.

You're protecting her. Why?

Ingmar Larsen employed you to bring in the icons.

Only you messed up, so now you're running scared, aren't you?

We can always go to Larsen,

ask him what he knows about this woman.

He is a violent man.

I have a young family.

What happened?

A young woman hitched a ride with us from Helsinki.

Last night, a few miles out at sea, she organised a party.

There was a lot of vodka...

and when we came round she was gone.

So were the icons.

- He's pretty worried. - He may have good reason to be.

There was a woman on board the boat.

I thought sailors didn't have women on boats.

Isn't it bad luck? - It was for Jorgan.

She got them drunk and somehow made off with the icons.

Well, did he give her a name?

She never told him. But it sounds like our mystery blonde.

We'll pay Ingmar Larsen a visit in the morning.

See if he can tell us anything about this "lady pirate".

Right, David. Come on, get a move on.

There's gold in them there woods! VERNON CHUCKLES GREEDILY

Come on, Alfred, come on. BARKING

So, Ellie's feeling poorly again.

Yeah. She was sick in the night.

And she's been complaining of stomach pains.

Can you show me where it hurts?

She's not eaten anything out of the ordinary?

- No. - Hmm.

She does have a slight temperature.

It might be just a little infection.

I'd like Ellie to give me a urine sample.

Would that be OK, Ellie? - Yes.

Yeah. We don't mind doing that, do we, love?

Anything to help the doctor.

You look tired out yourself, you know?

No, I'm fine. Just haven't been sleeping too well, that's all.

Would you like something to help with that?

No, I got some pills from my doctor before we came away.

I don't really like taking them, to tell you the truth.

Besides, it's Ellie we need to worry about, isn't it, love?

I'm starving. I wish I'd brought those cream cakes.

Oh, stop moaning, David.

I told you to get some breakfast before we came out.

VERNON: He's found something.

ALFRED YELPS, WHINES

A Tuber aestivum!

A truffle, David!

We're gonna be rich!

VERNON CACKLES ALFRED BARKS

So, it's my boat. Big deal!

Mr Larsen, you have a previous record for smuggling.

And?

How could I plan anything locked up in here?

Captain Jorgan claims they were ambushed on their way to Whitby.

Ambushed? Who by, pirates?

He's been reading too many Boys' Own comics.

However, I'm sure you'll be pleased to hear

the icons weren't lost at sea.

Don't know what you're talking about.

Two have turned up in Ashfordly.

Sold by a blonde woman in her s.

Any idea who she is, Mr Larsen?

How should I know?

You cooperate, it might work in your favour.

Yeah, I've heard that before.

We believe this woman was on board your boat before she docked.

Now, she must have had an accomplice to get the icons ashore.

Have you any idea who this might have been?

Look, I don't know anything.

About any icons, any blondes...

or any pirates.

Now...

..if you'll excuse me...

it's time for chapel.

You can do a test now, can you?

Won't take a moment.

Hey, don't worry, love, it'll be all right.

I don't have Ellie's notes, so perhaps you could tell me

more about her illness. - Well, there's the stomach pains.

Some days they're worse than others.

We've had every test under the sun.

No one can tell us what's causing it all.

It does look like there's some blood here.

That occasionally happens in children.

The best thing to do is to give Ellie lots to drink.

I'll send this off for tests.

Observe her over the next day or two,

and if the pain continues,

bring her straight back, and we'll get her up to the hospital.

Well, if you're sure. Thanks, Dr Trent.

KNOCKING

Er, Sarge, I've just had a call from Oscar Blaketon.

They've had an as*ault outside The Aidensfield Arms.

- Who is it? - One of their guests at the pub.

They've sent for the ambulance, and the doctor's on her way.

Call Walker, get him round there quickly.

And let Blaketon know we're on our way.

Eight truffles! Must be an all-time record.

Do you know, I've a good mind to tell that charlatan how easy it was.

What do you reckon? £ each?

Eight? DAVID SCOFFS

I wouldn't give you eight bob for one.

It just looks like shrivelled-up beetroot.

It's not how they look, David. It's how they taste that counts.

Velvety and mushroomy,

with the... with the scent of the forest floor.

They could almost inspire poetry.

Oh. Tried one, have ya?

Well... well, once or twice.

Now, David, I want you to experience one of the finer things in life.

Take a little bit. There we are.

You're about to have a taste sensation.

You'd pay a fortune for this in a restaurant, you know?

Didn't I tell you? Exquisite!

I was about here.

And Mr and Mrs Calder, they were walking towards the car park

when this blue Volvo just pulls out in front of them.

I thought they needed directions.

- Will Daddy be all right? - Yes, love, don't worry.

Maybe you might like to wait inside with Ellie, Mrs Calder?

Yeah, of course.

I'll come and get you when the ambulance arrives.

Carry on, Oscar.

Ah, well, it just happened so fast.

This bloke gets out of the car, hits Calder with an iron bar

gets back in the car and drives off.

- In which direction? - U-turn through the village.

Can you describe him?

Yeah, he's about .

Dark. Big fella.

Could have been a boxer.

Hello, Mr Calder. I'm Sgt Nokes, Ashfordly Police.

Any idea who might have done this to you?

No. Never seen him before.

Nothing was stolen?

No.

Look, I'll be fine... - Please keep still, Mr Calder.

It was a professional attack, I'm sure about that.

ROB: Yeah, the question is, why?

Let's run a check on Barry Calder.

Find out if anyone's got a reason to have it in for him.

If you need any more, don't hesitate to contact me.

Vernon Scripps,

distributor of Yorkshire's finest truffles.

These had better live up to your sales pitch, Mr Scripps,

or your name'll be mud. Mark my words.

I think you will find that the truffle is the staple ingredient

on the European aristocratic banqueting circuit.

Is that so?

And these are the freshest you'll get.

If your chef can't create something sublime with that lot,

I'll eat David's hat.

I don't think that'll be necessary.

I also believe that Lord Ashfordly

will be so delighted with their exquisite taste,

he'll probably give you a bonus for initiative.

VERNON CHUCKLES

Right, thank you for that.

Barry Calder did time for breaking and entering.

A jeweller's was turned over, and Calder was the getaway driver.

Interesting.

And guess which prison he was last in.

Sefton.

Where he met Ingmar Larsen.

They shared a cell.

MUSIC: 'Tossin' And Turnin'' By The Ivy League

KNOCKING ON DOOR ♪ I can't sleep at night

♪ Tossin' and turnin'... ♪ - David!

KNOCKING CONTINUES Are you up there? David!

There's somebody at the door! DOOR OPENS

Not you, an' all?

I've already sent David home, he's so poorly

and with young Rosemary away I need you, Vernon.

Bernard, can't you see I'm not well?

I can't run the garage and do all these taxi runs you've booked in.

Somebody's gonna have to help me out.

Will you look at the pair of you!

I told David, it must be something you've eaten.

All we've had is...

..the truffles!

I think I'd better get those checked in the book.

I've left the book on the desk in the garage.

I knew this'd end in tears.

GROANS

Her name's Ellie Calder. She's nine years old.

She's been in for investigations.

On and off for over a year?

What were the symptoms?

That doesn't make any...

OK.

Thanks for getting back to me.

Got a headache, has he?

He could've been k*lled, Mr Larsen.

Nothing to do with me.

Sounds like the fella just needed reminding who is the boss.

A crowbar to the head. It's a pretty fierce reminder.

It's like that inside. You betray someone, you pay for it.

And Barry Calder betrayed you, did he?

No one double-crosses Ingmar Larsen.

He stole the icons from you, didn't he?

Did I say that?

ROB: Calder shared a cell with you.

He knew you were planning to bring in the icons.

Looks like him and his wife out-smarted you.

Thought they'd sell them on themselves.

Well, IF that were true...

he would have deserved everything he got, wouldn't he?

You might like to instruct a solicitor

regarding the likely smuggling charge.

Not to mention conspiracy to cause actual bodily harm.

We'll be in touch. - I'm not going anywhere, am I?

Oh, you can tell Calder...

..I can't wait to see him again.

Yeah, just round there.

Mr and Mrs Calder?

Have you found the man who att*cked Barry?

Not exactly, but we would like you both to come down to the station.

- Why? - Just a few routine questions.

But we've told you everything we know.

Diane's got nothing to do with this.

Nothing to do with what? What are you talking about, Barry?

I think it'd be better

if we discussed this down at the station, Mrs Calder.

BERNIE: Here we go, could be this.

"Elaphomyces granulatus".

- But can you eat it? - No.

VERNON GROANS

Did I not tell you you had to be an expert?

Then you'd better go and get them back!

I've got a funeral to arrange.

Bernard, it'll be MY funeral if you don't get a move on!

They're not just gonna give them to me.

VERNON: Then you'll have to buy them back!

My wallet's in the jacket.

BERNIE SIGHS

Where am I going?

One to The Shires, one to La Maison...

and two to The Dales.

DOOR OPENS Ooh, Bernard!

Bernard! DOOR CLOSES

Lord Ashfordly's reunion dinner!

Bernard!

You know why you were att*cked, don't you?

- What? - And you know who sent them.

No idea.

Does the name Ingmar Larsen mean anything to you?

Why would it?

You're gonna have to do better than that, Barry.

We know you two shared a cell.

So, why would Ingmar Larsen want to have you hurt?

Because he's nuts.

- Or because you double-crossed him. - Me mess with Larsen? No way.

You see, we think you and your wife stole one of his deliveries.

Some extremely valuable Russian icons.

My wife?

What's Diane got to do with this?

We have witnesses who saw her with the icons.

Now I know you're clutching at straws.

You can't victimise my family just because I have a record.

My wife's done nothing wrong, and I'd appreciate it

if you'd concentrate on finding the man

who tried to knock a hole in my head.

I thought you brought me in to talk about the attack on my husband.

I think you know why he was att*cked, don't you?

- I don't know what you mean. - Oh, come on, Diane.

You came in on the boat from Helsinki.

Helsinki?! I've never been abroad anywhere.

You got the captain and his crew drunk

and you removed the icons. - Stop it.

I don't know what you're talking about.

We know Barry was involved,

and we've got a description of the woman who sold the stolen goods.

Blonde, in her mid- s. Sounds pretty much like you.

Well, it wasn't me.

I swear.

DOOR OPENS

Right, Mr Calder,

since you and your wife are refusing to assist us with our enquiries

we intend to make a search of your room at The Aidensfield Arms.

We could get a warrant, but it would save time if you gave us permission.

You're wasting your time.

There's nothing to find. - Nevertheless.

BARRY SIGHS Oh, all right.

If it means I get out of this place.

Let's get it over with.

There you go, I told you your mum would be back soon, didn't I?

Thanks, for looking after her, Gina.

I don't know what's going on up there.

The police must have made some sort of mistake.

Where's Daddy?

MUSIC: 'The Harder They Come' by Jimmy Cliff

♪ Well oh yeah, all right

♪ All right

♪ Well they tell me Of a pie up in the sky

♪ Waiting for me when I die

♪ But between the day you're born And when you die... ♪

Sarge?

It makes sense. How else could they have intercepted the trawler?

Where is the boat you hired?

I'm saying nothing. And that doesn't prove anything.

SGT NOKES: We will find your boat, Mr Calder.

And it's only a matter of time

before we find the rest of the icons.

Bellamy, stay with Mr Calder.

Let me know if he changes his mind about talking to us.

Walker, come with me.

Perhaps Mrs Calder will be a little more forthcoming.

♪ Well the oppressors Are trying to keep me down

♪ Trying To drive me underground... ♪

VERNON BANGING ON DOOR

♪ I say forgive them Lord... ♪

Stop! Don't serve these!

Mr Scripps, what on earth's the matter?

Mr Scripps, have you been drinking?

I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

There's been a terrible mistake. I'm sorry.

I can't allow you to serve these.

Remove this man!

They're poisonous!

Where's the boat moored, Diane?

What boat? I don't know anything about a boat.

Mrs Calder, I suggest you start telling us the truth.

You claim the blonde woman we're looking for isn't you.

Well, if that's the case, who is she?

If you can't tell us that, Diane, there's a very high chance

you and your husband will end up in the dock.

What will happen to Ellie, both parents standing trial?

Why couldn't she just leave us alone?

SGT NOKES: Who?

They were having an affair.

Who, Barry and this woman?

Are they still seeing each other?

No.

It finished six months ago.

She was the one who got Barry sent down.

They robbed a jeweller's. Barry was the getaway driver.

But he's so stupid.

When he got caught, he wouldn't grass on her.

So, he got sent down, and she got off scot-free.

What's her name?

Christine Norris.

Can you tell us how we might find her?

No.

But when you do, you'd better make sure she gets put away this time.

Diane! Rob! Quick! Ellie's collapsed.

The ambulance is here.

Diane, are you sure she didn't have access

to any medication or tablets? - No, I've told you.

Everything I've got I keep well out of her reach.

BARRY: She's gonna be all right, isn't she?

Please say she'll be all right.

Let's get her to hospital. I'll go with them.

I'll keep you up to date. - Thank you, Doctor.

Mr Calder? I realise this is a very bad time,

but I'd like you to come with us to the station.

MUSIC: 'Hanging On A Star' by Nick Drake

HEART MONITOR BEEPING

Hello.

How are you bearing up?

We should be getting the test results any minute.

They'll help us pinpoint what happened.

♪ Why leave me hanging on a star? ♪

- We know about the boat. - And Christine Norris.

SGT NOKES: Your wife told us.

- It wasn't what you think. - We know you were working together.

We have witnesses who can testify they saw her selling the icons.

What? SGT NOKES: Oh, yes.

She sold one. Tried to sell a second.

What is it, Mr Calder?

It's nothing.

Mr Calder...

don't you think it's time for some straight talking?

She wasn't supposed to sell them.

Ah.

I helped her get them off the trawler.

We were waiting to take them to a buyer in London,

and splitting the money fifty-fifty.

- She double-crossed you. - Ironic, isn't it?

No honour amongst thieves, eh?

The only reason I agreed to do it

was so I could pay for us all to go to Spain.

I thought the sunshine might help Ellie get better.

SIGHS How can I help her now?

Back in prison. Some father!

Mr Calder, if you cooperate with us, take us to the boat,

I'll make sure it doesn't go unnoticed.

Well, I know you want to be around to see Ellie grow up.

This is your only option.

I don't know where she's hidden the icons.

I trusted her to stash them.

Stupid, eh?

But I do know how to find Christine.

Diane, I need to talk to you now.

Ellie's had an overdose.

An overdose?

Her blood test results show high levels of nitrazepam.

I thought you said she couldn't have had access to medication.

She couldn't have.

DIANE: What's gonna happen to her?

I need to see your bottle of sleeping tablets.

Pardon?

You told me you brought a new bottle of pills.

I'd like to see them.

Oh, no, she... Ellie couldn't have taken my pills without me knowing.

They were in my bag.

Show me the bottle, please, Diane.

If you insist.

We'll make her an offer that's too good to refuse.

But we'll need your help, Mr Calder.

I'm not sure about this.

You want to let her get away with it?

Ellie growing up, you back in Sefton nick,

and Christine out there, living it up.

Just remember why you're doing it, Mr Calder.

What do you want me to do?

Diane...

..I think Ellie's been poisoned by an overdose of your sleeping pills.

No!

Do you know how bad this looks?

If Ellie didn't take them herself...

What are you saying?

Did you give them to her?

Poison my own daughter? Are you mad?

All those hospital visits, the stomach pains.

The conflicting symptoms.

What's really been going on here, Diane?

I don't know.

We went to the hospital, and we saw doctors,

and no one understands.

Diane, stop it!

No, YOU stop it!

My little girl's poorly, and you're upsetting her.

It's all right, darling, Mummy's here.

You could have k*lled her!

The police are going to have to know about this.

I'm going to have to tell Social Services.

I didn't mean to!

I made a mistake.

I gave her too much, that's all.

I just thought she'd be sick.

Why, Diane?

Why did you want to hurt her?

I didn't. Don't you see?

No, I don't see.

We were so happy.

Looking after Ellie, having treats.

Making her feel better.

All those stomach pains.

Diane.

Diane?

I gave her laxatives.

It was her. She'd come back.

- Who'd come back? - Christine.

She tried to take Barry away from me.

And now he's going to prison, and I can't be on my own again.

He needs to stay with us.

We're a family.

This woman was having an affair with your husband?

He said it was over, but she wouldn't leave him alone.

She wouldn't let go.

I was so scared.

You hurt Ellie so Barry wouldn't leave you.

How many of these did you give her tonight?

Er, three. No, four.

I crushed them into her juice.

How long has this been going on for?

I don't know.

Do you know how it started?

Yes. She was really ill, with food poisoning.

And he made such a fuss of us all.

Planning treats.

I just want my perfect family back!

BARRY: I know we said that, Christine.

No, but this is the big one.

He wants the lot, and he'll even pay twice the going rate for it.

We do this, we're rich.

OK. I'll meet you on the boat with the icons, . .

Don't let me down.

Good.

Now let's get Crispin Jones up here as quickly as possible.

Right, Sarge.

I've a good mind to ring the dogs' home.

ALFRED WHIMPERS

You listen to him, Alfred.

If it wasn't for him, we wouldn't be in this mess.

Alfred doesn't know the difference between a good and a bad truffle.

Well, it's about time he did.

Phwoar! Food of the gods, indeed!

Now, most of the experts in icons,

they're either Russian or they're Greek.

The secret is, just look moody.

Pretty convincing (!)

Alf Ventress, Ashfordly's answer to the Third Man (!)

When it comes to the surface of the icon itself...

..look at the picture of it. Now, a th-century copy,

this would be much brighter.

The painting, and the glaze here would be much lighter.

This is obviously th or th century.

The colour's much darker

and the glaze much heavier.

See how it's cracked across there?

Right, Alf, you ready?

As ever I will be.

Barry? Are you ready?

MUSIC: 'Who Knows What Tomorrow May Bring' by Traffic

Right, take up your positions.

♪ Who knows what tomorrow may bring?

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ Who knows what tomorrow may bring?

♪ Yeah... ♪

I wasn't going to take them. You know that, don't you?

- Miss...? - Norris. Christine Norris.

So, you have the money?

Do you have the goods?

The money first.

I'm sorry, not until I see what I'm buying.

Oh, good glaze.

It's the signature of the er...

Novogrod School.

Er... early th century, I believe.

Over of them. Worth about grand in London.

The money?

Very good. I think we've got a deal.

Oh, no you don't!

Think you can do me over, do you? Well, it's my turn this time.

Christine Norris, I'm arresting you for handling stolen goods.

RECITES CAUTION

Barry Calder, a copper's patsy?

Yeah, and you know what? I should've done it years ago.

Thank you, Mr Calder.

Yeah, well...

maybe one day Ellie will realise I wasn't all bad.

Let's hope so, for her sake.

I'm sure you're want to spend as much time with her as you can

before the case comes to trial.

Shall we get you back to the hospital?

♪ Who knows what tomorrow may bring?

♪ Yeah, yeah... ♪

ALFRED RUMMAGES THROUGH THE BIN

How can a mum do that to a daughter?

Desperation?

But all those injections and tests, all for nothing.

I know.

The juice she carried round for Ellie, full of laxatives.

No?!

And the blood in Ellie's urine was Diane's.

What? She must have pricked her finger

and dropped a couple of drops into the sample.

- Calder had no idea, apparently. - Poor Ellie.

- What'll happen to her now? - A foster family, I suppose.

Until they decide Diane's ready to have her back.

That's the worst thing,

she was doing all this to keep her family together.

Just a tonic water, please, Oscar.

You don't look so clever, Vernon. Are you all right?

Not really, Gina, no.

That bloomin' Italian!

Since he arrived, David and I have been very ill.

Giovanni?

Poor fella, he's had to go back to Italy in a hurry.

He said you'd undermined his reputation

with your scaremongering about poisonous truffles.

Scaremongering?!

Well, he might well have been right, Vernon.

I don't think it was the truffles that made you ill.

What are you talking about, Bernard?

I'm talking about a bag of cream cakes

that went missing after David's visit yesterday.

I were about to chuck 'em. They'd been hanging around for days.

Cream cakes?

Do you mean the cream cakes were off?

Oh!

MUSIC: 'Help Yourself' by Tom Jones

♪ Just help yourself To my lips, to my arms

♪ Just say the word And they are yours

♪ Just help yourself To the love in my heart... ♪