01x08 - Mission to the Big Hot Thingy/I Dare You

[bunniefuu]

♪ A-a-a-angry beavers ♪

♪ Beavers. ♪

( Buzzing )

Man:
here you can see
all the talented individuals

Who have contributed
to our space program.

And these are just a few

Of the fine animal specimens
we've sent to the stars.

We're just in time to watch
the next shuttle launch.

If you'll follow me...

Wow!

Look at all these
famous space guys.

Wait a minute.

I don't see
any beavers.

What!?

No beavers?

Not a one beaver?

( Beeping )

Daggett:
"to launch pad

No citizens beyond this point."

It doesn't say
anything about beavers.

Come on.

Where we going?

We want to be the first
beavers in space.

( Dag panting )

Mission control:
next launch

Takes place in 30 seconds.

( Belts clicking )

Finally... Our moment
in the sun!

( Both laughing )

Mission control:
29...

Seven... 25...
T-tw...

Norb?

Yes.

My space suit's giving me
a snuggie.

I'm going to get
a different one.

You'll have to wait
until after take off.

( Laughing )

Mission control:
ten...

Ten, nine, eight and five

Three, two, one. Go up!

( Rumbling )

( Engines roaring )

Uh... Oh, boy.

Hey, hey, hey...

( Grunts )

( Screams )

( Grunting )

( Engines roaring )

( Whirring )

( Buzzing... )

Wow!

That was nuts!

Whoo!

Mission control:
earth to spaceship... Thingy

This is mission control.

Mission control, this is

Uh, uh, beaver alpha and...

Beaver dos.

Mission control:
beaver alpha and beaver dos...

Are you those two weasels
that snuck aboard this morning?

We're beavers, sir.

Mission control:
whatever.

Listen, boys, you're
on an important mission

To the su... Sol... Uh,
the big, round, hot thingy.

The sun.

Both:
ooh! The sun!

Mission control:
so we've provided you
with a map...

( Grunts )

Sunblock...

Extra strong, s.p.f. 45,000.

Mission control:
...some informative videos...

( Choking )

...and a long list of solar
experiments you must complete.

Roger, mission control.

Got the map, sun block,
videos.

Am now commencing list
of experiments to do

On the way to the sun.

Ooh! Ooh!

I want to do some.

Gimme, gimme, gimme...

( Snorting )

Ow!

I got a paper cut.

Check, paper cut
experiment complete.

That was stupid!

Basic intelligence
tests, check.

Okay, let's move along.

( Buzzing )

Well, dag, this is
our final experiment.

Are you in the
popcorn kernel suit yet?

Good.

Now stand there

By that incredibly hot window.

( Pan sizzling )

Yeah... And then
what's supposed to happen?

Ooh! Eeh!
Aah-aah! Ooh!

( Popping )

( Buzzing, popping )

Is it hot in here
or is it just me?

Beaver alpha and beaver dos
to mission control.

Have completed all experiments.

Mission control:
congratulations.

Weasels everywhere
can be proud of the work

You two have done today.

We're not weasels!

Whatever.

Roger that

Mission control.

Request re-entry
procedures, over.

Mission control:
re-entry procedures, uh...

I have to put you
on hold for a second.

Poor beggars, they must be
insane from the heat.

Weasel alpha and weasel dos.

Didn't you see your map?

Daggett:
"earth begin, sun end."

Mission control:
roger, this is a one-way trip.

We never recover
experimental animals.

So, thanks again, weasels,
and good luck.

Wait! We're not
experimental animals.

We're animals that do
experiments.

( Whacking )

And we're not weasels.

They can't do this.

Mayday, mayday, this is
beaver dos and beaver alpha.

We're spiraling into the sun!

We're doom-ed.

Now, now, dag,
don't panic.

( Beeping )

( Chirping )

( Beeping and buzzing )

( Whistle blows )

What's that mean?

( Beeping, buzzing )

We're out of air.

Now you can panic!

( Both screaming )

Am not!

Are too!

Am not!

Are too!

Am not! Are too!

Did your life just pass
before your eyes?

Uh-huh.

Norbie, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to argue
with you all the time.

I didn't mean to win
all those arguments.

I wouldn't
say you won...

I did.

What about...?

Yep, that one, too.

But somehow when you're
spiraling into the sun

Life's little insults just
don't seem that important.

Yeah.
You know, norb...

In spite of all the times
you've made me look like a fool

There's no one
in the universe

I'd rather look
like a fool with now.

No fooling?

( Sobs )
no fooling.

Come on, big hug.

No, no, no,
you're really sweaty.

So are you!

( Thumping )

Careful, dag.

Don't sweat
on the videos.

( Teeth rattling )

Sure thing, norb.

Hey, you think there's
anything worth watching?

"Space bloopers."

( Crashing )

"I've been vaporized;
now what?"

( Crashing )

"So, you're spiraling
into the sun."

( Crashing )

Hmm...
That sounds interesting.

( Whirring )

( Beeping )

Narrator:
so you're spiraling
into the sun

And you may be wondering...
"Why?"

Well, it's all because
of a force called gravity.

The sun has lots of it.

When the sun's gravity
pulls you toward it

Your ship is like a tiny log
trapped in a swift stream.

The log can't stop itself as
long as the river is flowing.

Just like you can't
stop yourself

As long as gravity is flowing.

( Exploding )

That's it!

Did you see it?

( Rattling )

Did you?

( Laughing )

Yeah, that poor log.

No!

Heh?

Gravity is like a river.

And how do we

Stop a river?

Uh, can I
sleep on it?

Build a dam!

A gravity dam.

( Metallic banging )

( Banging, grunting )

Daggett:
look!
You need more stuff

'Cause you
missed a spot.

( Bangs )

Norbert:
bingo!

Okay, what's next?

( Crashing )

( Chortling )

Hey!
It works!

Yeah.

We escaped the sun's
gravitational pull.

We freed a few
planets as well.

( Both laughing )

Is that mercury or venus?

( Radio static )

Mission control:
uh, weasels... I mean

Beaver alpha and beaver dos.

This is m-mission control.

It's very dark
and cold down here.

Do you think you boys could
move that dam out the way

Before we enter a new ice age?

Ooh, too late.

Drat, my decaf's cold.

Daggett:
norb, about all those things
we said before.

Let's never argue again.

Okay, I won't
if you won't.

What do you mean?

Of course I won't.

Why should I argue?

You're the one
who always starts.

I do not.

You are, too.

Are not!

...walking around

With your pants
full of water!

You're telling me
how to live my life.

Hey, mr. Water pants.

Daggett:
hey, oh,
I'm out of here.

Norbert:
captain water pants.

Hmm.

Tasty-looking twigs.

Man, the bestest,
tastiest-looking twigs

In the entire world.

They don't look
that tasty.

You're just saying that
'cause you're too scared

To climb up there
and get 'em.

I'm not scar-ed.

Yes, you are.

I dare you
to get some.

Don't tell me
you're some kind of

( With french accent ):
stupid, poopy,
scared beaver.

I'll climb your dumb tree
and get your dumb twigs.

You dumb-dumb-dumb guy.

( Grunting... )

Huh!

( Screaming )

Ha-ha!

( Groans )

Hmm, you were right, dag.

These aren't that tasty.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I dare you
to climb that tree.

No can do, daggy-do.

You know the rule book.

Page ten: "no beaver
shall dare another beaver

To do the same dare
he was dared to do."

Well, well... Then...
I dare... Um...

I dare you to drink
this jalapeno slushy

As fast as you can.

What?! That'll give me
a brain freeze-and-burn.

( Laughing )

Well, what are you--

A stoopy poopy
scaredy beaver?

Hee...

( Inhales deeply )

( Bells jingling )

( Honking )

Cold...

Ee...

Ee... Ga...

Wow! That was nuts!

No, dagamuffin,
this is nuts.

Eh?

I dare you to wade
across that hot spring

Full of bald guys
with really hairy backs.

Ew...

Face it, dag.
You can't out-dare me.

Well, I double-dare you
to come with me.

I triple-dare you
to go alone.

I quadruple dare you.

I double quadruple
secret special dare you!

I quadruple sixtuple
tentuple-tuple-tuple!

You know I know
bigger numbers.

You're never going
to out-dare me.

Oh, yeah?!

Yeah.

Uh... Ultimate dare...
Ultimate dare...

Come on, come on.

Ah, here it is!

I invoke...

The infinity times
end of the world numbooger

Triple spook secret dare!

( Rumbling )

No! Look
what you've done!

Ee... Is that supposed
to happen?

You didn't read
the whole infinity times

End of the world
numbooger triple spook

Secret beaver dare
chapter, did you?

( Both screaming... )

One of you made
an infinity

Times end of the world
numbooger

Etcetera, etcetera dare.

Okay... You will
have to perform

Two beaver dares.

Both will be
incredibly risky.

Either of you chickens out
of any risk

And you'll forever
be forced to wear...

The scarlet "kick me" sign
of oof.

"Kick me, I'm a stoopy
poopy scaredy beaver..."

Both:
oof!

( Laughing )

Hotsy baba,
do I love doing that.

Hey, hold on a minute there

Old mystical beaver weirdo.

Norb's the one doing the dare.

I just invoked it.

Oh, no.

When one of you invokes

The infinity times
end of the world...

Thing

Both must do it together.

Either one of you
backs down

You both lose.

Eh?

Now, hop aboard
my magic log.

( Panting )

This is stupid.

Uh... Is something
supposed to happen?

Yep...

Just let me get settled.

Okay...

First incredibly
stupid beaver risk:

You must introduce yourself

To 100 unfriendly
strangers inside...

Unless you're chicken.

( Clucking )

That doesn't sound
very risky.

Yeah, so they're
unfriendly-- big deal.

Man on loudspeaker:
welcome to the world's
largest fur convention.

Here's your
up-to-the-minute report

On the fast-changing world
of fur fashions.

Today's hot item: beaver pelts!

I hate these creeps.

Why, if one of them
lays as much as one hand on me

I'll... Ooh!

Oh, pardon me, but

That's a fantastic
full-body beaver suit

You and your friend
have on.

Where did you get it?

Uh, i-i made it myself.

Oh, fantastic! A designer.

It's so nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

( Quietly ):
one.

Oh, fellas,
fellas, fellas

Over here, over here.

You just have
to see this...

( Oohing and ahing )

Man:
wow! It's wonderful.

Hi, I'm norb.
Pleased to meet you.

( Quietly ):
two.

Pleasure's mine. Norb.

( Quietly ):
three.

Thanks for stopping by.
Four.

Hey! I'm dag.
Pleased to...

Hey, listen! I'm dag!

Don't you want to meet me?

Oh, thank you,
thank you! 31.

Yes, I'm norb.

It is my own design.
32.

Oh, no. Norb's not going to do

This incredibly stupid
beaver risk all by himself.

( Feedback )

Hello? Hello? There must be

At least 100 of you unfriendly
stranger furriers here tonight

So let me introduce myself:
I'm daggett.

Did you hear?

Some new designer
just made

The most incredible
full-body beaver coat.

Let's go meet him.

( Growls )

Give me a break!

That's no full-body
beaver coat!

That's norb!

He's a real beaver
just like me!

Man:
let's get those darn...

Man 2:
grab those beavers!

Gulp. Uh, did I say
we're beavers?

What I meant, gulp,
to say was, uh

( Shrieks )

( Clamoring, shouting )

( Stampeding, shouting... )

( Music playing... )

( Shouting... )

( Clamoring angrily )

Hold it, everybody.

I've just been handed an
important fashion announcement.

Beaver fur is out!

Bald guy back hair is now in!

( Shouting in fear )

( Shouting )

Yeah! Run and chase
your latest trend

You furrier losers!

We'll take you on anytime...

Shut up, dag.
We've met

More than enough
unfriendly strangers

To complete this incredibly
stupid beaver risk.

We don't need any more.

Yeah? You're just
chickening out.

I'm not chickening out.

Hotsy baba!

One of you
chickens out, I win.

Hop on the magic log
if you want your next

Incredibly stupid
beaver risk.

Go ahead, you big,
dumb wizardy guy.

Give us the next risk.

I'm ready for it, baby.

The beaver belly flop
of doom.

All you have to do
is chew through

The world's largest log.

( Both laughing )

Chew through a log?

Hey! We're beavers.

That shouldn't be
that hard.

...while rabid wolves
gnaw on your armpits.

( Growling )

Okay, that makes it
a little trickier.

But it still doesn't
seem that hard...

( Both yelp )

Dag, if we chew
through this log

It'll fall into the volcano!

We'll have nothing
to stand on.

Our only choice will be...

The beaver
belly flop of doom!

( Both shrieking )

( Chomping )

Boy, if we get
through this alive

I'll never dare you
again.

Same here, and
if you do dare me

I'll just walk away.

I'll walk away before
I even think of daring you.

And if you don't walk away,
I'll make you!

Right! Neither of us
can call each other

A stoopy poopy
scaredy beaver

Because we both made
each other walk away.

So that means
you're not chicken

If I save you
from doing your dare.

I bet there's even something
in the rule book.

I can't let you
do this.

You might get hurt.

No, you might get hurt.

Norbert:
you must get ahold
of yourself.

Daggett:
you must calm down.

I won't let you
belly flop to your doom

And that's final!

You two, quit fighting.

You boys
chickened out.

Now you got to wear these
"kick me" signs of oof.

( Cackling )

Hotsy baba, I love this part.

Oh, I don't think so.

Neither of us
chickened out

Old mystical
beaver weirdo.

We both stopped
each other from jumping.

Technically, that's
not chickening out.

See? That's what it says
here on page 253.

But I guess you didn't read
this whole chapter

Did you, wizardy weirdo? Huh?

Uh, well, um...

Of course I did.

Hey! What the...?

You can't do that!

Oof!

Stop! Oof!

Kick! Oof!

What a spoot-head!

Yeah, with a spooty
magic log.

( Thud )

Now these are the tastiest twigs

In the entire world.

Yeah, you said it,
norby.

Yum, yum, yum, yum.

Just watch me make this
magic log disappear.

( Chomping loudly )

( Burps )

( Both laughing )

That was excellent.

I dare you to give me
some more, norby.

Oh, no, I dare you
to give me some more!

( Laughing )

Oh, that's rich!