02x12 - Open Wide for Zombies/Dumbwaiters

[bunniefuu]

♪ A-a-a-angry beavers ♪

♪ Beavers. ♪

( Thunderclap )

( Yawning )

Everything will be all right
in the morning.

( Snoring )

( Whistle in distance )

Good morning,
mr. Teddy bear.

( Toots )

Good morning, mr. Riverboat.

Mr. Riverboat... Mr. Riverboat?

What the--?

( Whistle blowing )

Daggett,
what are you doing?

A humongously huge riverboat
thingy!

Keep your p.j.s on.

Remember, sometimes
when things look really bad

They really aren't.

Well, just remember

Sometimes when things
look really, really bad

They really, really are!

I want to go home right now.
I'm scared.

Now, now.

There's nothing to be...
( Gasps ) s-s-scared of.

( Owl hooting )

Well, this certainly is
unpleasant.

( Whines )

( Upbeat dance music playing )

I don't like this.

This place looks
scared-y spooky.

( Sputters, laughs )

( Blows raspberry )

Oh, pshaw and poo-poo.

Not poo-poo, poo poo.

Bad cajun food?

Whatever.

Maybe someone here can help us.

Come on.

( Whimpering )

Okay, teddy buddy.

You stay right here.

Stop that.

Are you talking
to your teddy bear?

At least I don't talk
to a stump.

( Growling )

( Singing softly )

Hmm, don't see that
every day.

Will you stop saying that?

I must say, these guys
know how to party.

I must say I don't like this
one little bit, norbie.

Not one little iota.

How little?

It's just like--
a little iota--
it's just like

Night of the
semi-living zombies

Who aren't half dead yet.

Dag-a-later,
that was just a movie.

They wouldn't put stuff in
the movie if it wasn't true.

( Crashes, cat meows )

What is going on here?

Sorry to barge in
on your little hootenanya.

It's "hootenanny," right?

That's what I said.

But we're lost

And we need
a little help.

Why you poor, lost teeth.

Oh-- beavers!

( Chuckles )

Of course we'll help you.

Allow me to introduce myself.

Some folks call me
the swamp witch

But you can call me edgar.

She is weird.
Quiet.

Hey, are these bald guys
zombies?

"Edgar"?

Zombies? Zombies!

( Chuckles )

They're my...
Gentlemen callers.

We're having a little party.

Make yourselves to home.

I'll be right back.

( Growling )

See, they're
very friendly.

It's what you call
southern hospitality.

You got to learn to relax,
my brother.

Her name's edgar.

( Horse whinnies in distance )

( Playing upbeat dance music )

( Joins in on harmonica )

( Growls )

( Yelps )

This is a scared-y, spooky,
bad, bad, bad, bad place.

We have to get out of here!

Hang loose, swamp daggie.

Dig these down home blues.

( Yelping )

Stop that!

Are you coming or not?
Not.

Fine. Stay here in weirdo land.

You fit right in.

You shouldn't judge people
by their appearance.

These guys are probably
as normal as we are.

What luck!

Can you believe it?

They just walked right
in our door.

Beaver teeth are the
final ingredient I need

For my ultimate voodoo potion.

( Roaring )

Hey, where'd our beds go?

( Door creaks open )

( Groaning )

( Squeaking )

Hey, you spooty zombie guys.

Come back here
with my teddy bear!

All right, baldo boys,
give me back my teddy.

Edgar:
oh, you won't
need him anymore.

Pourquoi?

Because soon you'll be
a toothless zombie...

Je comprendre?

( Metal clanging )

( Growls )

Oui.

( Screaming )

Look... A blimp!

( Snorting )

That's it, dag!

You're a voodoo child.

( Babbling )

( Sputtering )

( Blowing raspberries )

Remember when I said
sometimes when things

Look really, really bad
they really, really are?

Well, they really, really are!

They're going to turn us
into toothless zombies!

Get them!

I want those beaver teeth!

( Yelps )

Run, norbie,
or we'll be samba-fied.

Zombified!

Right.

Whatever.

Cover your teeth!

( Roaring )

( Shrieks )

( Growling )

We're traped...
Uh, trapped.
Yeah.

It looks pretty grim

Old pal o'mino.

If only we had
our beds

We might have a chance.

Yes, but they're
way up there.

Where, where?

Huh?

Then we'll just go get them!

Where's my teddy bear?

Looking for this?

Dag?
Yes!

Edgar:
first, gator man's
going to cast

A voodoo spell
on your little teddy

Then he's going to cast one
on you.

No!

I'll get you, gator man,
just like any other gator.

( Roars )

( Wheezes )

Get them, my zombies!

( Both gasp, panting )

We'll never again see
our snuggly-wuggly den.

Our splishy-splashy pond

Our nicey-wicey friends,
our chewy-wooie--

( Babbling )

Sorry.

( Growling )

Don't be sorry--
we're saved!

Keep playing as if
our lives depend on it--

'Cause they do!

Guess somebody owes somebody
an apology.

Apology accepted.

Thank you.

There. I hope that's the last
we hear of that hoodoo stuff.

It was wrecking my cool.

We hope so, too.

Don't we, teddy?

Put the teddy bear down.

Teddy, do that hoodoo
you do so well, again.

( Slurping )

Hmm... Don't see that every day.

( Dog barking,
sirens blaring )

( Rats squeaking,
cats screeching )

( Garbage cans rolling,
glass breaking )

Man ( with french accent ):
I am spanque bellagio

Maitre d', the guy in charge.

And this is the cafe snoote

The snootiest restaurant
in town.

We are so snooty that we don't
even let french people in.

So, up on your toeses
and up with your noses

We have some snooting to do.

( Playing cards being shuffled )

What are you
two doing?

Waiting.

We're your new waiters.

Waiters don't wait,
they wait!

If you didn't remind me so much
of my hairy little aunt babette

I'd fire you right now.

( Hands clapping )

Up, up, up!

Move your hairy little
jukeboxes.

( Rats squealing )

You said this
would be easy-peasy.

I know.

Well, it isn't.

It's hardy-wardy.

It's a pain
in my buttocks.

I quit!

Okay, so I made a minor
miscalculation.

But you
can't quit.

We're on a sacred mission.

Once in a
lifetime offer

The complete,
museum-quality collection

Of oxnard montalvo
rubber movie monster masks.

I'll use them to scare the
bejeebers out of people.

You can use them
whenever I don't want to.

They cost a mere
$999 and 99 pennies.

We could make that
in one night

In a swanky place
like this.

So get going and get waiting,
and I'll wait right here.

Make way, common people.

Oh, mon dieu,
it is the snootwells

The richest, snootiest people
in the town.

( Loud kissing )

I promise you, rich, wonderful,
rich, lovely...

Did I mention rich?

...persons a snooty dining
experience

You will never ever forget.

Bring the escargot appetizer
immediately.

Dag-a-livingac!

We've hit the jackpot!

I can almost feel the
latex on my face now.

What do you
mean by that?

Well, I'll tell
you later.

That escargot stuff
is here someplace.

You find it while I gloat.

Aha! Indeed.

( Loud crash )

"Es-car-got."

Hmm, must have misspelled it.

( Grunting )

( Loud oozing )

( Dag yelps, grumbles )

Get out of here,
you spooty snails.

Gloat, gloat.

Gloat, gloat, gloat.

Gloat, gloat, gloat,
gloat, gloat, gloat...

That is escargot?

Follow me on this,
rich lady.

Mm-hmm.

Escargot must be some kind
of cargo, right?

Cargo is crate...
And crates are wood.

And I must tell you,
as a beaver

Honestly,
this is the tastiest crate

I have ever had.

( All chuckling )

Oh, my, what an absolutely
droll sense of humor

For a lowly, waiter type person.

( Chuckling )

Looky, looky, looky.

Good work.

Just make sure
you don't blow it.

Me? Moy?

Yes, you.

Well, you think you're
oh-so-smarty

Don't you,
smarty beaver guy?

Well, you're not.

Oh, yes, I am.

Oh, no, you're not.

Excusez-moi,
serve this mousse tout de suite

Or it will
get runny.

Toot your own sweet,
buddy.

Can't you see
we're arguing?

Don't even look
like a moose.

Looks like something
monkey boy here would do.

Hey.

( Whirring )

Sacre bleu!

Mon dieu!

( Tires squealing )

( Loud crash )

Hey.

You okay?

Come on, snap out of it,
dr. Strange chef.

( Loud smacks,
chef grunting )

Dag, stop!

You're not doing any good.

I know, but I still
have some slaps left.

Our sacred mission
hangs in the balance.

Huh?

You go stall them
while I fix
this moose thing.

Eh?
Why do I have to stall them?

'Cause it might get ugly
out there

And when I think of ugly,
I think of you.

I assure you, when you
taste our salmon mousse

You will run
into the kitchen

And dance the cancan
with the chef.

( Loud snoring )

( Snoring... )

( Playing "chopsticks" )

Where is the mousse,
you pointy little fuzz ball?

( Playing "the old gray mare" )

( Speeds up )

( Yelps )

( Surprised grunt )

( Flourish of notes )

( Gentleman chuckling )

( Chuckling ):
oh, bravo.

What a droll parody
of ethnic musicianship.

Why, yes.

Bravo.

Make way for a masterpiece!

What is it?

What is it?

Perhaps the coolest moose ever.

It's about the spootiest.

It doesn't even
look like a moose.

Listen, I'm a beaver,
a woodland creature.

I know a moose
when I see one.

Oh yeah?
I'm a beaver too, brother.

And if I ever saw
a mutant freak like that

I'd move
to another forest.

( Surprised grunt )

When word gets out of this
outrage, I'll be ruined!

The snootwells
are true connoisseurs.

( Loud licking, slurping )

( Rumbling burp... )

Mr. Snootwell:
my compliments to the chef.

Ugh, he was right.

They are
common sewers.

This is our big chance!

If we can serve them
the special souffle

This dinner will
be a triomphe!

What's a triomphe?

Say it, don't spray it.

Norbert:
we're almost there, brother.

Get ready for big,
rubber fun.

( Giggling excitedly )
yeah, yeah, yeah, bro.

Now, all we must do
is make this souffle thingy...

Whatever that is.

( Speaking gibberish )

Hey, this is all
in funny talk.

That's french.

We must work
from the pictures.

Looks big and fluffy.

Exactly,
like a balloon with crust.

Big and fluffy.

Yeah, baby.

Let's get these
crusts pasted on.

Right!

Hey, let's add some
of these toothpicks

To give it some crunch.

( Gasps )

My word, well, that's the
biggest souffle I've ever seen.

( Chuckles )
and the prickliest.

( Both chuckle )

And now, for a little taste
of it.

( Loud expl*si*n )

( Rattling )

( Surprised grunt )

In all our years of snooty
dining, muffy and I

Have never been treated
so rudely.

Come, muffy.

No, monsieur.
Please don't go.

I will fire these two hairy
little elves immediately.

Fire them?
Give them a raise.

Any snooty person knows,
the better the restaurant

The worse the service.

And your two waiters
are the worst.

Oh, look, rodrick.
( Chuckles )

It's those masks
our company makes.

( Both stammering )

You make these?

We became waiters
so we could buy some.

Well, isn't that lucky.

Here you go.

Daggett:
we can't wear these to scare
the bejeebers out of people.

We can't even put these
on our thumbs.

Mrs. Snootwell:
of course.
Didn't you read the fine print?

( Both reading aloud )

Funny, I didn't know
beavers had thumbs.

Well, ta-ta.

( Sobbing... )

No, gentlemen, never again

In this sad little kabuki
called life

Will I reach this pinnacle
of snootiness.

Therefore, I'm off to join
the french foreign legion.

I kiss you both
on the mouth.

( Both gagging )