04x06 - It's a Spootful Life/The Mom from U.N.C.L.E.

[bunniefuu]

[Dance music playing]

♪ A-a-angry beavers ♪

♪ Beavers ♪

[Somber music playing]

[Wind blowing]

Spoot...

And that concludes
the world premiere

Of my latest
cine-mate-ic foray...

Citizen norb.

I hope you
found it enjoyable.

That was righteous,
norb, my man.

Dang good stuff, norbie,
dang good.

Very impressive.

[Norbert giggles]

That was the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen!

[Daggett]
"very impressive...

The most beautiful thing..."

I thought it was... Yeah.

These cookies

Don't make you sleepy.

[Munching]

Thank you for
those kind words, friends.

Now to conclude our afternoon
of fine seen-ema

I offer the piace
da resiscita.

Dagnificent moments!

[Daggett]
ah, geez.

The life and times

Of my favorightest brother,
daggett.

[Snoring]

Huh?

Ooh, ah, ah... Me?!

A flim about moy?

[Laughing]

[Munching and snoring]

Cool.

Roll 'em!

[Munching and snoring]

[All chuckling]

[Snoring]

[All laughing]

Hey!

[Snoring]

That's not funny.
[Shrieks]

[All laughing]

Grr... Ee...
It's not that funny.

Oh, daggett, you are so cute!

[Giggles]

That's it!
[Snoring]

I don't have to take that.

[All laughing]

Come on now.

We're just funning you,
little buddy.

Yeah, daggett, we're laughing
with you, not at you.

I'm laughing at him.

Oh, yeah...
I hate you, truckee.

[Snoring]

I bet you spooty-headed dumb
guys-- and you, too, truckee--

Wouldn't be laughing with me
if I wasn't here to laugh at
with me, eh?

Dag, are you saying
what I think you're saying?

Yes, I am!

I mean, what,
am I saying what?

[Snoring]

You're running away!

I am? [Snoring]

Yes! I am!

That's right, norbert,
I am running away.

[Snoring] ha!

I'm serious.

My, my mind is decided.

And don't anybody
try to talk me out of it!

Anybody?

[Wind blowing]

Don't worry, dag.

We wouldn't think of it.

After all, your mind--
as teeny as it is-- is made up.

But...
Sayonara.

That's right!

You have a good one.
You have a good--

Good luck out there
in the world.
Yeah, I will!

We'll get back to our movies.

We will get back...

All righty! Ee.

You know, once I go out this
door...
Don't call.

I shall never re...

[Clang]

Spoot.

[Laughing]

I knew you'd change your mind.

So you'll have some company.

But... Eh...

Ooh... Whoa is you.

You'll be sorry.

You'll see how spooty
your little spooty lives are

Without me!

Did I say spooty?

[Crickets chirping]

[Snoring]

[Grumbling]

Stupid forest, ee!

Dumb rocks!

Ee!

Stupid bushes, ee...

Ooh...

[Butterfly laughing]

Hey, get your spooty bug feet
off me... Ooey!

Oh... Ow...

Oh, yeah?

You think that's funny?

I'll show you, you, you, you...

Spooty butter-butt fly-bug guy!

Ehh!

[Teddy squeaking]

[Growling]

Stupid bug, ee!
Stupid bug, ee!

Hold still, I'm trying to smash
you into a million pieces!

Ee! Ee!

Uh...

Ooh... Ooh... Ooh...

Ee... Uhh!

[Squeaks]

Ee...!

Stupid butterfly, ee!

Ee...!

Stupid butterfly, ee!

Ee...!

Stupid butterf... Ee!

Ow... Ee... Ee...

Ow... Ooh!

Ooh!

Hey, what am i?

Wait a minute, where am i?

[Country music playing]

Huh? Oh, boy.

Hiya, sweet cakes!

What took you so long?

I've been waiting for ya!

Hey, you're
that weird magical lady

From the bowling ball place
thingy.

That's right, darling.

Laverta lutz at your service.

Uh-huh, I'm right here
to make your wish come true!

Oh, oh, oh, you mean
the one where truckee

Is covered in pork rinds

And thrown into a bottomless
pit of badgers? [Snarling]

Nuh-oh!
The other wish.

I'm going to let you can see

What everyone's life
would be like without you!

Then we throw truckee
to the badgers?

We'll see, sweet cakes.

[Gas hissing]

[Coughing and wheezing]

Oh... Uh... Hey!

Hey, what are you doing,
you spooty...

[Gas hissing]

Ha! Fake! I knew it!

I'm still here!

Crazy magic lung lady!

She didn't do nothing.

Come on, teddy.

I think they've learned
their lesson by now.

Let's go home.

Uh... Eh... If, uh...

If I can remember where it is.

Hmm... [Clang]

Ooh!

Huh?

"Cheese condo

Do-ee norberee?"

What's that about?

Hmm, hey, maybe somebody can
tell me how to get back
to the dam.

Hey, anybody here know
how to get back to my dam?

[All gasp]

[Gasping continues]

Hey!

Cut it out, you spooty freaks.

What do you think you're doing?
Knock it off. Aah!

Wow, another beaver!

Coolly cool cool!

Get your hands off me, bing,
you spazzy little kook.

Ooh, he knows my name.

He must be psychic.

Duh, of course I know your name.

I know all your names.
Now quit bugging me!

[Norbert]
what's all this folderol?

Monsieur norbere at your
service.

Welcome to my humble abode

Strange beaver
I've never seen before.

Cut the spoot, norb.

What are you doing
in this spooty house?

Where did you get all
this spooty stuff?

Why is everybody

So... Spooty?

Spooty?

Whatever do you mean, strange
beaver I've never seen before?

You seem confused.

I'm confused?

You see...

We are here to honor
my good friend

And longtime housemate stump.

Wha...?

[Birds chirping]

The last of the great north
by northwest southern pacific
redwoods.

And these... Spooty people

As you refer to them...
[Laughs]

Are my honored guests.

International action
film star barry bear!

Uh, maybe you've had a chance
to dig some of my flicks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
nice try.

Oh, hi, and I'm bing.
I, uh...

And this is truckee.

Owner of the multi-zillion
dollar smiling shrew
truck lines.

Mile after mile, we deliver
the goods... With a smile.

I still hate you.

Strange beaver I've
never seen before

I can help you with
your hair, for I am...

Monsieur norbere...

World-renowned maestro du coif.

Is it really true?
I mean, I was never here and
everybody's life is better?

Well, truth be told,
my life is pretty excellent

Strange beaver I've
never seen before.

And I couldn't have done it
without my beloved
soul mate treeflower.

Ooh... Norbere...

[Both giggle]

Ay-ha!

I knew this whole thing
was a trick!

[All gasp]

Because everyone knows
that there is no way

Treeflower would ever
actually like norb.

[Laughs]

I bet everything here is fake.

Ooh...

[All gasp]

Ha-ah! And this
is the fakiest thing of all!

I bet it's not even
made of wood!

[Snarling, munching]

No!

[All scream]

[Snarling, munching]

[Gulps]

Ah...

Oops. It is real wood.

And tasty wood, too.

[Creaking]

[Snorting and panting]

Ooh!

( Snorting and panting )

[Engine sputtering]

Ee... Eh... [Panting]

Hey...

Hey, magical lady...

You got to do one
of your spell thingies

And put things back
the way they were.

Or at least fix
the stuff I wrecked.

Oh, sorry, punkin, no can do.

Their lives aren't
the only ones that got better

Since you weren't born.

I mean, look at me.

But wait... Wait, wait!

Sorry, sweetums.

This is the way things
are supposed to be

And nothing's going to
change my mind.

[Screams, crash]

[Screams, clang]

[Coughing and wheezing]

All right,
have it your way.

[Gas hissing]

[Owl hooting,
crickets chirping]

[Snoring]

Huh?

Ha! I knew he wouldn't
run away.

Norb...

Well...

So you come back, eh?

Yes, norbert,
I have come back

And I have learned
a valuable lesson:

That if I ever ran away
and was like never born

On account of I met this
magical lady who sprayed me
with some stuff

And it made everybody's life
gooder except for me,
which was not gooder.

And that's not good.

Dag, in the brief time
you've been gone

Did you sustain a head injury?

Oh, norbie, I'm so glad to be
back and hear you say that.

Give me a big hug!

Now... Ah... Ooh...

Big hug...

Okay... Ooh, ooh, I got
lung in between us here.

♪ Mom's got a secret ♪

♪ That nobody knows ♪

♪ When she's not
washing windows ♪

♪ Or cleaning dad's clothes ♪

♪ She's the mom
from u.n.c.l.e. ♪

[Beeping]

[expl*si*n]

[Alarm sounding]

[Hissing]

[Hissing]

[Beep]

Ooh!

Missed again, spoot monkey!

Gee, dag, you're too fast.

I give up.

Really?

Cheater!

Once again I outwit you

With my superior tactics.

Victory is mine... Guh!

[Snorting]

Right back at ya!

You smote me
in my moment of gloria.

You must be dyed.

Charge!

[Yipping]

[Whooping and yipping]

This is the bestest
game we've ever had.

And we finally found a use
for these doofy sweaters
mom made us.

[Both laughing]

[Doorbell ringing]

Wonder who that is?

Brr-gack! It's mom!

Ooh, mama's here? Cool.

Are you out of your mind?
Yes.

We'll be in big trouble
if she sees these sweaters.

Hide 'em fast,
hide 'em fast.

I'll stall her.

[Norbert]
coming... Just a minute...

Whoever you are... [Crash]
I'll be right there.

Just have to find the key...

That unlocks the door
from the inside.

I know it's here somewhere...
Oh, please.

Aah!

[High-pitched whistle]

[Screaming]

[Panting]

Okay, okay, norbie.

I hid them in my super secret
hiding place.

Great!

Yep, she'll never
look in the closet.

Guh! The closet?!

Surprise!

Mama!

Hello, mother.

So... Good to see you.

Oh, let me look at my boys.

All handsome and suave.
Thank you, momma.

Just like perry como.

[Both]
who?

Oh, that reminds me...

Do you like the sweaters?

[Gasps]
what sweaters?!

Well, the cardigans I spent
so many hours knitting.

The ones you told me
to hide, remember, norb?

Geh... Say, mom...
Yes?

Why don't you come inside
and take a load off?

Ooh...

Ow!

Ooh, heavens to betsy!
What a mess?

Thank you.

Oh, no matter.
A mother's work is never done.

Is your mop in here?

No!
Yeah.

Mercy, norbert.

What's gotten into you?
Nothing.

It just wouldn't be right to let
you work. You just got here.

Yeah... Uh, yeah,
forget cleaning.

Uh, how about whipping up
some cookies, mama?

Oh, good idea, daggie.

Oakmeal and raisin okay?

Ooh, yowza, baby, mama.

I saw mrs. Redstone
at the market yesterday

And she asked
how you were doing.

I told her you were
making us all proud.

Your uncle cletus had his tail
replacement surgery...

She's got everything
in that purse.

Oh! Out of nutmeg.

Oh, spoot... Oopsy.

[Giggling]

Hey, norb, mom said spoot.
[Laughing]

Tango foxtrot rhumba five niner
niner zero, over.

Who wants to lick
the beater, hmm?

Oh, oh, I do, mama,
I do, mama!

Hmm?
[Rumbling]

[Whooshing]

Uh... Geh!

[Chattering]

Hit the deck!

[Chattering]

[Slurping]

[Distant expl*si*n]

What in the name of jonas
grumby's starched khakis
is going on here?

She needed nutmeg
for the cookies, duh!

It's the nutmeg that gives
them their tangy snap.

Nothing says lovin'
like cookies in the oven!
[Laughs]

Well, there are
some other things...

Oh, mercy!

You boys are even messier
than your father.

Thank you, mama.

Mom, there's something
you're not telling us.

What in the world would
I possibly hide from you?

How's daddy's poo spot?

Oh, maybe that you're
a secret agent

For a super-secret
organization, mm-hmm?

Oh, norbie, you always did have
such a dot-dot-dot active
imagination.

He's special.

Now let's get this place
spic-and-span, shall we?

Geh! What's that?!
Some kind of secret w*apon?!

Oh, norbert, are you blind?

It's just a vacuum cleaner.

[Humming]

Geh?

[Beeping]

Oh, I'll get that.

[Whirring]

[Radio chatter]

Ooh, this is some purse, mom.

Thanks.

I got it on sale
at saxondale's.

You have a secret room?

Well, of course.
It runs in the family.

[Ship's horn blowing]

Oh, dear. Will they never
learn their lesson?

Oh, heavens to betsy!

Geh!
Eh? Who's betsy?

I forgot all about
the cookies.

Sometimes I think I'd forget my
tail if it wasn't attached.

Norb does that all the time.

Hush up!

I'm not moving
until you tell me

Why all these people
are chasing you.

Oh...

All right.
Please.

I am a secret agent for
a super-secret organization.

Geh?

I'm on a mission to save the
western hemisphere.

Cool, mama!

But please don't tell
your father.

He doesn't want me to work
outside of the home.

Ah, poo spot's
acting up again, huh?

Oh, daggie, be a dear and get me
those sweaters I made for you.

The, the, the sweaters?

Oh, these nasty men will stop
at nothing to get their hands
on them.

Sweaters... Hmm...
Ha-ha... Uh...

We're not sure where they are.

I hid them in
the closet, remember?

Geh.

[Munching]

Oh, goodness gracious!
What happened here?!

I can explain!
Dag did it!
Did not.

Boys, boys, boys!
What?

This is no time to fight.

Besides, it's nothing
a little club soda can't han...

[expl*si*n]

Ee!
Ee!

And I just vacuumed!

[Explosions]

Ya...!

Give us the sweaters,
agent beaver.

Our mom made us those sweaters!

What kind of sick and
twisted people are you?

[Zapping]

Quiet, insolent one!

The sweaters are made
with the micro yarn

That contains the
top secret information

We need to take over ze...
The western hemisphere!

Are they not... Mommy?

Oh! You got me there.

Now... Give us the cardigans!

Or we take your brainy son
hostage.

[Daggett]
ooh!

Oh, sugar... You got me.
Here.

[Sniffs]

Victory is ours, kameraden!

[All cheering]

Do I smell... Cookies?

[Munching]

Yeah, yeah... Oakmeal raisin.

Unfortunately,
I haven't the time.

I must destroy
the western hemisphere.

Good luck.
[Snickering]

[Ship's bell dings]

How could you give up
so easily? What about the...?

Oh, norbert...

You always were
a nervous nellie.

Yeah, who cares?

H?

[Beeping]

[Zapping]

Whoo!
Ma!

My work here is done.

You missed a spot...

But I can see these sweaters

Are going to require
all my laundry day know-how.

I have to get home before your
father starts to worry.

Ah, old poo spot's acting up
again, huh?

My ride's here!

Give mommy a kiss, boys.

[Kissing and giggling]

Huggies!

Oh! Now...
I want you to be good.

Remember... A mother
always knows if you're not.

Geh?

We'll be good, mama,
promise.

Yeah, what he said.

Toodles!

Daggett!

My own mother, a secret agent.

[Munching]

Yeah...

Isn't she the greatest, norb?

She saves the western hemishere

And makes great oakmeal and
raisin cookies.

Isn't that wild?

I'm sure gonna miss her.

Oh, well, let's watch tv.

Geh! No!

[Zapping]

Cool!

Daggett, give me that!

Hey, I've invented a new game.

[Daggett]
dance, cowboy! Dance!

Faster! Faster!

[Norbert yelling, groaning]

[Daggett]
faster!

[Theme song playing]