02x04 - Mayberry UFO/I Dream of Snorch with the Long Golden Hair

[bunniefuu]

( Clock chiming, thunderclap )

( Creaking )

( Owl hooting )

( Shrieking )

( Crying )

( Gasps )

( Screaming )

Ickis, where is it?!

( Needle scratching record )

( Chuckles )

( Crickets chirping )

( Thunder )

Ah, this is the life.

There's nothing like monsters
and raw, unprocessed sludge.

( Munching )

( All laughing )

Come on, let's dive
for old shoes.

( Thunder )

( Flies buzzing )

( Coughing, spitting )

( Low rumbling )

Do you hear something?

( Low rumbling )

Maybe it's my stomach.

Even your stomach
is not that loud.

Ah, it's
probably just...

A giant wall of water!

( Screams )

( All screaming )

( All screaming )

You know,
I was thinking

About moseyin'
to town hall

To get a look at that
brand-new indoor toilet.

( Monsters screaming )

Both:
did you see what I just seen?

Look, it's headed
toward the culhane's cornfield.

( All screaming )

Man:
whik in luluville.

This is whik
and I'm archie owens

With an extra-special
news bulletin.

It's finally happened!

An unidentified flyin' object
has landed in luluville.

Aliens is invadin'!

Oblina:
where are we?

And what is this?

Man:
they landed
here, otis.

Zeke, I got to confess

I've never really seen
an alien before.

What about when you was
on tv sayin' you did?

I've always craved
the hot glare

Of the media spotlight.

( Roaring )

( Zeke and otis screaming )

Both:
aliens?

( All laughing )

Suckers.

( expl*si*n, burp )

What easy scares.

If everyone here
is like this

We can scare
enough humans

To keep the gromble
happy all year.

Man:
everybody, attention.

Can I have
your attention, please.

( Crowd talking excitedly )

Quiet.

Now, I realize this detracts

From the opening of
our town's new toilet

But we've got to get organized

To meet the alien invasion.

Zeke and otis here are gonna
brief you on the situation

Per as it regards to aliens
and subsequent invasion thereof.

Now, remember,
let's all remain calm.

All's I can say is...

Run for your lives!

( Crowd shouting )

Cut it out.

( Crowd muttering )

Thank you, briscoe.

Now, I realize
this detracts

From the opening...

( Sniffing )

Ugh, the air
is so clean and fresh.

How can these
humans stand it?

Enough idle
chatter.

I am in the mood for scaring.

Right, come on, let's go.

Oh, I really
shouldn't.

Oh, who am I kidding?

I should, I should!

Yup!
( Flies buzzing )

Hello.

( Whistling )

Here, human, human,
human, human.

( Chuckling )

How strange.

A pillow that breathes.

( Panting )

( Roaring )

Hmm.

That one usually
never fails.

Ah... Sometimes you just
have to pamper yourself.

Whoa!

Sorry, I didn't know

This was occupied.

( Rattling )

( Shrieks )

( Clucking )

I, i, i...

( Laughing hysterically )

I didn't know
it was yours.

( Ickis screaming )

( Roaring )

Oh... Pooh.

Go away.

I am not leaving
until I have scared him.

Hmm!

( Panting )

( Panting )

( Panting )

So...

How did everyone do?

Both:
I don't want to talk about it.

Look, them's
the aliens.

Get 'em.

( Crowd yelling )

Where can we
find a toilet

So we can get back
to the dump?

Wait, lookee.

Ickis:
that's it,
we're saved.

Wow, I've never seen
a free-range toilet before.

These fresh-air humans

Are obviously
sophisticated.

( Knocking )

Go away now.

I just sat down.

( Screaming )

Aliens in my outhouse!

Well... ( Laughing )

That's that.

Ickis:
hey, there's no way out of here!

Krumm:
how come they call it
an outhouse

If there's no way out?

Where are they
gone to?

We got 'em, we got 'em.

Briscoe, anchor 'em down.

Who's gonna go
in there an get 'em?

( All muttering )

Ickis ( panicking ):
we're trapped!

We're trapped.

Oblina:
oh, how undignified.

This is not the way
I want to be remembered.

Krumm:
what are we going to do?

Dig our way out of here?

What's everyone looking
at me for?

( Rumbling )

( Hollering ):
indoor toilet at town hall.

Come one, come all.

Indoor toilet.

Rejoice.

Indoor toilet.

"Commode" on down.

( Laughing )

( Roars )
( screams )

( Horse neighing )

How do you
make it stop?

I, i, i, I've never
done this before.

Krumm:
ickis!

Hey, where's krumm?

Hey, gruel.

This is fun.

First they land
in our cornfields

Now they're stealin' our horses.

Get 'em.

Look, that must be
town hall.

How do we stop
this thing?

We are doomed.

This is the end.

Woe is us!

( Neighing )

Come on, guys,
quit fooling around.

We've got to get inside.

Thank you.

There they are.

( All gasping )

You know, our town
is being invaded by aliens

At this very moment.

Perhaps we could continue
this game later.

Shut your yap
and call the numbers.

Very well.

"O"... .

( All panting )

( Screaming )

Bingo!

Did you ever see a more
beautiful sight than this?

( Smacking )

( Smacking )

( Slurping )

Mmm.

( Crowd shouting )

Quick, get in.

( Not flushing )

Oh, no.

Ickis, could you
hold off the humans

While I fix this?

Why do I always
have to hold off

The bloodthirsty
townspeople

When you fix the toilet?

( Sweetly ):
icky?

Yes.
Just do it!

( Screams )

Wait.

We're supposed
to be chasing them.

All:
yeah, that's right.

( Squelching, sucking )

( Grunts )

What?

( Spitting )

I said "harder."

( Screams )

( Banging at door )

Okay, alien.

Give yourself up.

Tell us where the others are.

Hey, let's catch him
and get a reward.

Uh-uh, let's fry him up
and put him on a stick.

Mm-mmm.

Them's good eatin'.

That's it.

No one is taking
a bite out of me.

Ham hocks!

( Ickis roaring )

Did you get rid of the humans?

'Tweren't nothin'.
( Laughs )

( Sighs )

( Flushing )

( Inhaling deeply )

Home at last.

You know they say

Travel
is broadening.

But I think I like
being near home.

You know,
I was thinking...

Really?

Maybe those creatures

Weren't aliens at all.

Really?

Maybe they were monsters.

Monsters?

No.

Who'd be stupid enough

To believe in monsters

When there are
so many aliens around?

I guess you're right.

When will people learn?

( Cow moos )

Ickis:
how about the time I scared
a professional football player?

Krumm:
big deal!

I scared
a professional wrestler.

Oh, yeah?

I scared
a hockey team.

Enough of this!

You two are full of sludge!

You're just jealous.

Jealous!

Of you two?

Well, if you are so brave

Why not do something
really daring like...

Take the snorch's

New golden nose hair.

( Giggles )

What's the matter, you two?

Are you... Human?!

( Twang )

Zimbo:
...

...
( Twang )

...
( Twang )

, ...

( Twanging )

, .

You and your new nose hair.

I swear you love it
more than me.

Why don't you
just pluck it out...

( Growling )

Or not!

( Snoring )

( Snoring )

( Both scream )

( Snoring )

( Snoring )

Shh!

( Zimbo laughs )

( Both snoring )

( Snoring )

So, where have
you two been?

Stealing the snorch's
nose hair?

( Laughing )

Ha!

I do not believe this.

This, this is the most
irresponsible thing

You have ever done.

It was your idea.

I never thought
you would actually do it.

You will get us
all expelled.

Give me that!

No way!

Besides, look at it,
it's so repulsive.

Quick, it, it's
getting away!

Oh!

Hide it, hide it
before someone sees it.

I know, I've got
just the place.

Oh!

Ooh, I k*lled it.

( Heartbeat )

No, no,
it's only stunned.

Uh, this is it.

I'm going
to be expelled.

And it is
all your fault.

Yeah, miss tell-us-
to-do-something-

When-you-
didn't-mean-us-to?!

Come to
think of it

It was a dumb idea.

Why didn't you
tell me that before?

I didn't think of it before.

( Mockingly ):
"I didn't think of it before."

Okay, okay,
let us just calm down.

Maybe we are making
too much of this.

Maybe it will all
just blow over.

( Muttering )

( Roaring )

( Snorch roaring )

( Birds screeching )

Good morning, class.

I hope everyone slept badly.

Does anybody notice

Anything different
about our friend the snorch?

( Gasping )

Now, I'm going to turn my back,
count to ten

And the party responsible
for taking

The snorch's golden nose hair
will come forward

And all will be forgiven.

One...

Two...

Ten!

Then you leave me no choice.

I will be forced to conduct

A thorough search
for the nose hair.

Until then, this dump
is under total lock-down!

( Fearful murmuring )

( Groaning )

( Wailing )

Oh!

Do not fret,
my dearest snorch

My very dear friend.

I will find out

Who stole your precious

Smooth and silky nose hair.

And when I do

You will make them pay
through the nose!

Ah, oh, sorry,
excuse me

For mentioning the word.

Search time!

( Screeching )

No, no, no, no,
what'll we do?

This is all
your fault, oblina.

You shush.

You and krumm took it!

Hey, don't look at me.

It was all ickis's idea.

I'm just a patsy.

You know, krumm, if we say
it was oblina's idea

Maybe the gromble
will go easy on us.

Krumm, listen to me.

It was ickis
that did the deed.

Let him take the fall.

( Door bangs )

Going somewhere?

No!

( Laughing hysterically )

What makes you say that?

Where were you

Last night

Between the hours
of bedtime and wake up?

You never liked
the snorch, did you?

Zimbo:
and you!

You have coveted

The snorch's
golden nose hair.

It is the stuff

That monster dreams
are made of.

Gromble:
enough!

Proceed.

( Snorch muttering )

Zimbo:
go snorch, baby.

Over here.

( Crash )

Zimbo:
under the commode.

( Glass shattering )

( Crashing )

Zimbo:
and over here.

Yes, go baby.

Oh, I love it.

Come on, snorch, baby!

Search... And destroy!

Oh, yes!

( Gasps )

U-uh...

Um, just so you know,
I was here all night long

Studying on my, well,
lurking lessons.

Lurk, lurk, lurk.

Yeah, we saw her lurk.

Like this.

Hmm... Your lurk
needs work.

Next!

But don't get too relaxed.

I'll be watching you
at every moment.

I have eyes in the back of my...

Aah! ...head.

He knows.

He knows
we did it.

No, he was
only bluffing.

It does not matter.

It is all over.

I love my yo-yo.

I know.
You told me.

Oh, I thought you forgot.

( Nose hair panting )

( Gasps )

Search time!

You know, mr. Snorch

I'd hate it

If someone took my treasures.

I keep 'em all right here

Under my pillow.

You want to see?

My fish bone.

My maggots.

My golden nose hair.

My golden nose hair?

( Growling )

( Cooing )

( Nose hair
gurgling happily )

So, snav

You are
the morally bankrupt

Despicable criminal...

You...

Are the... Hair-nabber.

But, but, but...

Snav, I'm very
disappointed in you.

But, but, but...

We'll let
the snorch decide

On an appropriate
punishment...

Later!

( Snarls )

Snav, you didn't do it.

I'll prove you're innocent.

Even if it takes
the rest of your life.

( Ticking )

( Snoring )

No!

I sentence you to
a -day snorching.

( Bang )

( Gasping )

Run, run!

( Echoing ):
help me!

( Shouts )

( Ticking )

( Murmuring )

Why didn't you say something?

( Gasps )

Why?

Why?why?

Why?why?

( Screaming )

( Ticking )

( Muttering )

( Rumbling )

( Screaming )

( Screaming )

I can't take it anymore!

I can't either.

What will we do?

The only thing...

We can do.

( Snoring )

( Chortling )

( Shouts )

I was having
the most wonderful nightmare.

Thank you so much for ending it!

( Stammering )

Your grombleness,
your sleepiness...

Your grouchiness.

Get to the point!

Um, well, we took

The snorch's golden nose hair.

What do you mean, "we"?

Krumm and I took it.

I mean, we took it.

But it was her idea.

I did not think

You'd be dumb
enough to do it.

Hey, I resent that.

Silence!

Yah!

( Bagpipe playing out of tune )

Zimbo:
now...

Dance, dance, dance.

( Bagpipe droning miserably )

Enjoy yourself, monsters

And do try save some energy

Because you shall be

Doing that

For the next ten days.

( Laughing wickedly )

Zimbo:
faster, snorch

Faster.

Zimbo:
come on snorch, baby.

Search and destroy.

Yes, go, baby!