02x01 - Pair-Rental Guidance

[bunniefuu]

Oh, here it goes!

♪ Everybody out there,
go run and tell ♪

♪ Your homeboys and homegirls
it's time for kenan and kel ♪

♪ They'll keep you laughing
in the afternoon ♪

♪ So don't touch that dial,
don't leave the room ♪

♪ 'Cause they always
into something that's fun,
and you don't want to miss it ♪

♪ It's double k,
like do the good way ♪

♪ Kenan and kel, or should
I say kel and kenan? ♪

♪ And you got to watch kenan
'cause kenan be schemin' ♪

♪ With a plan or a plot
to make it to the top ♪

♪ But they kind of
in the middle 'cause they
always getting caught ♪

♪ This ain't the hardy boys
or a nancy drew mystery ♪

♪ It's just kenan and kel
in your vicinity ♪

♪ Like siegfried and roy
or abbott and costello ♪

♪ Magic and kareem
or penn and teller ♪

♪ Somebody's in trouble,
ah, here it go ♪

♪ On nick ni-nick nick
ni-nick nick nick ♪

[Applause and cheering]

Hey, hey!

I believe you all
know kenan.

[Applause and cheering]

I believe you
all know kel.

[Applause and cheering]

Wait, wait.

Y'all know the old kel.

Excuse me?

I was thinking about
changing my character
on the show.

What? Changing
your character?

Yeah. I was thinking
that my new character
could be half human,

Half robot,
and half kangaroo.

You can't be halves.
What are you, ignant?

Ok. Let's try this one.

How about a crime-fighting
monkey trainer?

What do y'all
think of that?

[Applause and cheering]

Kel, you're
scared of crime,

And you're scared
of monkeys.

The old kel is
scared of monkeys.

Oh, yeah?
Hold on.

Where you going?

Hey, I ain't scared
of no monkey.

Don't know what
he's talking about.

Wait, what
are you doing?

Whoo!

So, mr. New kel,

You're not scared
of monkeys anymore,
huh?

Uh, no.

Well, let's see
the new kel pet
the monkey.

All right.

Ooh!

Pet the monkey.

Here, hold
the monkey.

Whoo!

There. See? See?

There I go. Yeah.
Holding the monkey.

The new kel
loves monkeys.

Oh, boy,
quit pretending.

You better just
save the acting
for tonight's show

Because you're
really going to
need it. Ha!

K-k-kenan? W-w-what
do you mean I'm really
going to need acting?

Kenan! You forgot
about your monkey!

Kenan!

Ah! Here it goes!

Daddy, can we
watch tv now?

Not till you finish
your homework, sugar.

But I can't figure
out number .

Can you help me?

Sure, muffin.
Let me see this.

Let's watch tv, huh?

Goody.

Hey, baby.

How was your
basketball game?

Oh, it went great--
for the other team.

How did we lose
to those guys?

They had more points.

Oh, you think
that's why?

Cheryl: kel, what do you
think you're doing

Dribbling that basketball
in my house like that?

Oh, yeah, you're right.

I usually dribble
with my left like this.

Check it out.
Got skills, got skills.

Kenan.

Kel, we're not supposed
to dribble the ball
in the house at all.

Oh.

[Glass breaks]

Nice sh*t.

Sorry.

Forget it, kel.

So, kenan,
just so you know,

Your father and I are
going out saturday night

To play cards
with the snyders.

All right, but
you're going to fix
my dinner first, right?

I was talking
to kenan.

Oh, but nevertheless,
I'm still concerned
about my dinner!

Anyway, kenan, don't
make any special plans
for saturday night

Because you're going
to have to watch kyra.

But you made me
stay home and watch kyra
last saturday night.

I never get to go out.

Yeah. Can't the boy
live his life?

Both: kel.

Sorry.

You're watching kyra,
and that's all
there is to it.

Kel...

You're invited
to watch me, too.

Ohh!
Harassment!

[Telephone rings]

Yes?

Give me the phone.

Hello?

Kenan?

Yeah, yeah,
this is kenan.

This is miss dimly
calling.

Miss dimly?

Yes.

Your school
principal.

Aah!

Principal dimly!

How nice to hear from you.
How can I help you?

I would like to talk
to your parents.
Are they home?

No, uh...
They're not home,

But I'd be happy
to relay a message.

I would like
to see you
and your parents

In my office
on friday at : .

You want to see me
andmy parents
in your office?

Is this really
necessary?

Yes.

All right, well,
I guess friday's ok.

I'll let
my parents know.

Good day, kenan.

Good day for you!

Oh, man!

Man, you're
in trouble!

I realize that! Man!

What could I have
done wrong?

What did I do?
I've got to think.

Oh, my parents are
going to k*ll me.

It's just too bad
you couldn't get
two strangers

And have them
pretend that they're
your parents.

Kel!

Whoo! Don't hit me!

No. That's the best
idea I've ever heard.

It's brilliant!

I'll just hire two
people to pretend
to be my parents.

You're a genius!

I'm a genius?

Yeah!

Whoo! Wait till I tell
my mama that I'm a genius!
My mama--oh!

What did I do wrong?
Let me see.

Maybe she knows
about the pigeons.

No.

Or maybe she knows
about the exploding sandwich.

No!

Oh! What is it?

Kenan!

What?

What do you think
you're doing?

Banging my head
with the lima beans.

Yes, I can see that.

Why did you peel
all these bananas?

I don't know, chris,
but I can fix it.

I can fix the fruit.
See? Watch.

I can fix it.
Look. Look.
I can achieve this.

Give me that!

You can't staple bananas!

What are you--screwy?

Hey, what's up?

What's up, kel?
Did you find me
two parents?

Yeah. I've been
searching the street
for actors all day.

I think I found
some good ones.

Great.
Bring them in.

Come on in.

Hey, hey!
Well, not bad!

They look like
they could play
your parents, right?

Yeah. Can
you guys act?

Je suis
une bicyclette.

Je suis une omelette
de fromage.

No habla ingles.

Kel! These people
don't speak english!

Don't worry.
There's others.

Come on.

[Mumbling]

Kenan, say hello
to your new parents--

The yamakowas.

Oh, boy.

Next.

Uh, what
do you think?

Well...
He's firm.

Well, I guess
they could play
my parents,

But can you guys act?

Young man, I train
at the lhasa apso
acting academy.

I've seen a lot of movies,
and I just know I can do it.

Yeah, well,
we'll see.

All right.
Let me see
the others.

Um...

There are
no others.

Oh, now I'm stuck
with these two.

I beg your pardon!

You should consider
yourself lucky to be

In the presence of
william buckman iii,
actor.

My name is martha.
Which of your parents
will I be playing?

What? My mother.

See, you're
a female,

So you'll
be playing
the female role.

I don't know if I want
to work with her.

You have to.
I'll pay each
of you $ .

It's a deal.

$ . I don't know.

All right. $ .

Done!

You must learn
to negotiate.

So tell me a little
about your father

So that I can get
into character.

What's your father like?

Well, he's big,
mean, and bald.

Kel, hush.

What's my
character like?
Can I use an accent?

[French accent]
this is my son kato.

No--kenan.

And don't use
an accent.

Matter of fact,
don't say
nothing at all.

Why not?

Me know me can do it.
Me got children at home.

Stop that!
You sound
abnormal.

Just leave
the acting up to

William buckman
iii jr. Here,
actor.

Good call.

Now, both of you be
at my principal's office

Tomorrow
a little before : .

Here's the address.

All right.

Ok. We'll see
you tomorrow, son.

All right.

Whoo. Man, I think
this is going to work.

You are a genius.

You know that, right?
You're a genius!

Now I know
he's loony.

All right, now,

When principal dimly
tells you what
I've done,

You've got to act
angry at me.

You know, thr*aten
to punish me real bad.

Something like "no tv
for a month, young man."
That kind of thing.

Don't worry about me because
I'm a professional actor.

What about me?

You say nothing,
all right?

Just leave all
the talking up to me
and my fake dad here.

Whoo! I'm glad
I'm not in trouble.

Why torment me?

I'm sorry.

Well, hello,
kenan...kel.

And you must be
the rockmores.

Roger. I am roger,
kenan's father. Roger.

And I am, uh--
who am I again?

[Whispers]
cheryl.

Uh, oh, yeah.
I'm sterile.

No, no. Cheryl
is your name, mom,
you joker.

Ha ha ha!

Well, it's nice
to meet both of you.

Why don't we step
into my office?

Nothing. Say nothing.

Have a seat.

Kel, I don't believe you were
invited to this meeting.

That's all right.
Go ahead. Do your thing.

No, I mean, I really
don't think i--

No, it's ok.
Kel's just like
one of the family.

Yes, like me.
I'm the father,
you know.

Yes, I know.

I've always wanted to meet
kenan's parents.

Oh. Are they
coming, too?

Don't talk!

So why don't you
tell me a little bit
about the two of you?

Mrs. Rockmore,
how did you and your
husband meet?

I said, how did you
meet your husband?

Mom, answer, please!

You said
I couldn't talk.

Ha ha.
Answer the question!

Oh, well,
I met my husband
through...

Kel!

Kel introduced us.

Y-y-you just don't
get it, do you?

Well, I don't understand.
How could--

No, no.
She didn't mean kel,

She meant kel...ege--
college!

Yes, they met in college.

That's right.
We met in college, dear.

Uh, which college?

Uh-uh, kel!

Didn't you bring us
here to tell us
about our kevin?

Kenan! Kenan,
you wacky mom, you.

Well, I'll come
right to the point.

I brought you down here,
mr. And mrs. Rockmore,

To discuss
kenan's schoolwork.

Now, kenan,
you're going to be
severely punished.

No tv for a month!

Dad, not yet.

Oh.

No, no, mr. Rockmore.
What I have to say is good.

Your son is doing
quite well in school.

Ohh!

Oh! Careful!

I--i'm all right.
I'm all right.

But you say
I'm doing well?

Yes, extremely well.

Kenan's score
was one of the highest
on his achievement test,

And I want to discuss colleges
with you, if I may.

Boy, look at this!

Wait, wait,
wait a second.

You brought my parents
down here to say good
stuff about me?

That's right.

Oh, we are so proud
of you, kelvin.

Congratulations, man.

Thank you.

It was so nice
to meet you two.

I hope I see you
again soon.

Why don't you come
to our house for dinner?

No. Uh-uh.
Not a good idea.
Really. Nope.

I think it's
a good idea, kelgan.

Please, why don't you come over
to our house for dinner?

Oh!

I just remembered.

The exterminator is
coming out to our house
for--to get rid of, uh--

Catfish.

Catfish?

Yes! We have a big
old catfish problem
in the basement.

That's right.
Don't your remember, mom?

No. Not
to my knowledge.

Nothing is
to your knowledge.

Martha: so...

What do you say,
principal dimly?

No accent!

I would just love to join
your family for dinner.

What about
tomorrow night?

Saturday night
would be perfect.

I prefer sunday.

Hush, man.

Saturday night,
my parents will be gone.

Oh, yeah,
yeah, yeah.

Saturday is
good for me.

That sounds fine.
Excellent. I'll see
you all tomorrow.

All right.
See you then.

Uh, martha,
one question.

Mm-hmm?

You know how you invited
the principal to dinner?

Yeah.

Why?!

Good. I was
getting worried.

You were
supposed to be here
minutes ago.

I'm sorry. I would have
gotten here sooner,

But you gave me
bad directions.

Well, at least you're here.

Where's that
martha woman at?

I don't know,
but she better
get here fast.

[Doorbell rings]

It's about time.
It's about time

To tell you how
lovely you look
this evening.

Why, thank you.

May I take your coat?

Yes, you may.

All right.

Welcome to
our happy home,
principal dimly.

Please don't
be so formal.
Call me miss dimly.

Ok.

It was so nice of you
to invite me.

Where is mrs. Rockmore?

Oh, uh, cheryl--

Uh, uh, she's
running a little late.

She's out doing
something.

She should be here
any minute, though.

Yes. Why don't
we just have
a seat there?

Yep. Mom should be here
any minute.

I don't like pink!

But it looks good
on your nails.

Here. Fan-dry
your hands like this.

[Telephone rings]

Hello?

Oh, hi, jessica.

[Dreamily]
oh, nothing.

I'm just sitting here
in my room with kel.

Oh, you don't believe me?
Hold on.

Here, just say hello.

Hey, hey, watch
the nails now.

Uh, hello?

Yeah, yeah,
jessica.

Mm-hmm.
Yeah, this is kel.

I am not
kyra's boyfriend!

You are too!

Am not!

Oh, kel, don't
deny our love.

I wonder where
mom could be.

I'm really sorry
about all this.

Oh, that's all right.

I understand that people
are sometimes late.

You don't understand
when I'm late for school.

[Doorbell rings]

This must be her now.

I'm sorry I'm late,
but I couldn't
find the house.

How's it going, conan?

Kenan!

You couldn't find
your own house?

No. My mom is a joker...

And a snazzy dresser, too.

What's with
the goofy costume?

I've always wanted to portray
a maiden in distress.

You're causing me
distress.

Can't you just
portray a human?

Would anyone like
some cocktail wienies?

Oh, how I've
longed for the sweet,
succulent goodness

Of a cocktail wienie.

[Mumbling]

Cocktail wienie?

They're like regular
wienies, only smaller.

Kenan?

Huh?

Who are these people
in this picture
with you?

Oh! Those people
in the picture--

Uh, let me see that.

Ohh...uh, strangers.

These people are
just strangers.

Might I say that
this is a lovely house.

Yes, dear, you did
a wonderful job
decorating ourhome.

Mom, can--can--

Mom.

Mom?

Hey, lady!
Get over here!

Ooh!

Your hair looks
like she gave you
a bad weave again.

I know, girl.
She makes me so mad

Every time she gives
me a bad weave.

I got so mad,
my head started
spinning.

I said, "why
did you give me
a bad weave?"

My head popped off
and started falling
all over the table.

Ohh! Ohh!

I'm going downstairs
to get a drink.

No, no! Kenan said
we have to stay upstairs.

But I'm thirsty.

No, no. You can't
go downstairs.

But, kel, we have
orange soda.

Whoo! Orange soda?
All right.

You stay here,
and I'll go get it,
all right?

I'll miss you.

[Groans]

Who loves orange soda?

I do, I do, I do, ooh!

Who loves kel?

I do, I do,
I do, I do, ooh!

Hey, everybody.
Hey--

Hey, principal dimly.

Hello, kel.
Nice fingernails.

Oh, yeah.
It's princess pink.

I'm just going to get
some orange soda.

Don't mind me.

Kel, I changed
my mind.

I want
some lemonade.

I told you to stay
upstairs, demon!

I'm sorry, kenan.

Well, who do
we have here?

Oh, ma, this is
your daughter kyra.

Ohh, sure!
Nice to meet
you, dear.

William: uh, kyra,

This is kenan's
principal.

Who are you, mister?

Oh, kyra. Ha ha!
My whole family
just jokes.

They're just all
a bunch of jokers.

Kyra, let me show you
something in the kitchen.

Who are
those people?

What are they
doing here?

Shh! Look, just go
back up to your room.
I'll tell you later.

Tell me now!

Shh!

All right. Those people
in there are pretending
to be our parents.

Now bye!

All right.
I'll go back upstairs.

Daddy, may I please
have $ ?

Uh, not now, honey.

But yesterday
you promised me that
you'd give me $ .

Remember, daddy?

Ok, dear,
here's your $

I promised you
yesterday.

[Groans]

Thank you.

Heh heh heh!

Son, where's
the bathroom?

Oh! Ma!

Did you just
ask him where your
own bathroom is?

No, no, no.
She has a really
bad memory.

Yeah. She never
goes to the bathroom.

She was born
without a bladder.

[Doorbell rings]

Who's this at my door?

Kenan, I came to--

Kenan!

I came here as your boss
and as your friend.

I've been worried
about you.

You've been acting
rather strangely lately.

I think I should speak
with your parents.

Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.
You have guests.

No, chris.

If you want
to speak with my
parents, go ahead.

There they are.
Talk away.

Kenan.

What?

None of these people
are your parents, son.

Whoo! This is
getting good!

I'm kelvin's mother.

Kenan!
The child's name
is kenan!

How hard is it?

That's it!
Either she goes,
or I go!

Kenan: dad, please.

I don't see what's
so great about your
so-called acting.

That does it!
I refuse to work

With this--this
absent-minded
amateur!

At least
I'm in costume.

Yes, if it was
only halloween!

Uh, look, if this
is a bad time,
I can come again.

Everybody say good-bye
to principal dimly.

I'm sorry
you couldn't stay longer,

But maybe I'll see you
at school sometime, huh?

Kenan, what
is going on here?

Wait a minute.

Who--

Aah!

Who are all of you?

Uh, uh...
We're the rockmores.

We'rethe rockmores.

I'm confused.

I'm out of here.

Uh!

I'm in trouble.

[Applause and cheering]

Excuse us.

What are y'all
doing here?

I want my $ back.

Oh. Kel, give
the man $ .

All right.

Thank you.
Ha ha ha!

And why
are you here?

I was just wondering

When my next
performance was.

Oh.
How about never?

How come?

Because
you can't act!

Matter of fact,
I'll pay you $
not to act.

Kel, give
the lady $ .

All right.

Wow! I can make almost
as much money not acting
as I can acting.

Yeah,
congratulations.

Y'all hit
the road.

See you
later, now.

All right.
Bye-bye.

[Applause and cheering]

Hey, man, can
I have my $ back?

You know what,

I would give you
your $ back...

But?

But I've got
a great idea

Of how we can make
a lot more money
than $ .

That's ok.
You can keep it.

No. Come on, kel.

Actually,
grab a waffle iron
and an octopus

And meet me
at the library.

Ha!

K-k-kenan,
c-c-can't we just
stay right here?

Kenan!
I don't like
octopuses.

Kenan!

Ohh! Here it goes.

[Applause and cheering]

Why?!