02x08 - Get the Kel Outta Here

[bunniefuu]

Oh, here it goes.

♪ Everybody out there
go run and tell ♪

♪ Your homeboys
and homegirls ♪

♪ It's time for
kenan and kel ♪

♪ They'll keep you laughing
in the afternoon ♪

♪ So don't touch that dial,
don't leave the room ♪

♪ Because they're always
into some more fun ♪

♪ And you don't
want to miss it ♪

♪ It's double k
like do the good way ♪

♪ Kenan and kel, or should
I say kel and kenan? ♪

♪ Then you gotta
watch kenan ♪

♪ 'Cause kenan be scheming
with a plan or a plot ♪

♪ To make it to the top

♪ But they're kinda
in the middle ♪

♪ Because they're all
the same call ♪

♪ This ain't the hardy boys
or nancy drew mystery ♪

♪ It's just kenan and kel
in your vicinity ♪

♪ Like siegfried and roy
or abbott and costello ♪

♪ Magic and kareem
or penn and teller ♪

♪ Somebody's in trouble?
Oh, here go ♪

♪ On nick nick nick nick
nick nick nick nick ♪

Whoo!

Thank you.

All right.

Thank you.

Welcome to the

Kenan & kelshow.

My name is kenan.

[Cheers and applause]

Thank you very much.

Oh...

And this--

Ha ha! What's up?

Yeah! Yeah!

Right! Right!

Yeah!
Right! Right!

Kel, will you
stop playing

And come on
out here, man?

Man, you're
doing great.

Just go ahead.
Do your thing

Because you doing
it good, brother.

You got it
going on like...

Yeah, boy!

Kel.

Will you please
come from behind
the curtains?

I don't want
to do this show
with just your head.

Come on out here.

I--i--i can't.

Why not?

Now, now--
I just can't now.

I don't think
that'd be--

I'm through playing
with you.

Just get on
out here.

Come on
and meet the people.

[Cheers and applause]

Uh...

Kel, you want
to tell me

What you're
doing out here
in your drawers?

Freezing!

Where are
your clothes?

Well, see, I was
going to wash them
before the show,

And they're
not dry yet.

So you just decided
to come out here

In front
of million people
just half-naked, huh?

No, look.

I didn't come out.
You dragged me out.

You better get you
some clothes on quick

Because you got
quite a show here.

What's going to happen?
What am I doing?

Can't tell you.
Exit stage right,
pickle chip.

Uh, kenan!
Kenan, come back!

I'm not a pickle chip!

Kenan, why must you torment
a guy with no pants on?

Kenan! Kenan!

Aww, here it goes.

Kenan, you're going
to be late for school.

Kenan:
I'm coming!

[Indistinct shouting]

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Kel, are you
all right?

Uh, I think so.

Kel, if you
don't know how
to rollerblade,

You shouldn't be
skating so fast

Through the
neighborhood.

I know how to rollerblade.
I just haven't learned how
to stop yet.

Where's kenan?

Upstairs.

All right.
Uh, um--

Kel. Kel. Kel!

Huh?

You want to take
those rollerblades
off in my house?

Uh...no, thanks.
Ha ha!

Ha ha! Do it.

Oh, yes, ma'am.

Mama, can you drive
me to school?

I have to bring in
my art project.

What did you make
for art class?

Well, the teacher
said we could make
a sculpture

Of any great
national treasure.

What great
national treasure
did you sculpt?

Aah!

It's kel.

I call it
"head of kel."

What do you think?

I think you
need rest.

Ow!

Oh, man.

Hi, mom. Hi, kaira.
Hey, kel--

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

What in the world
is that?

It's kel's head.

Aah! My head!
Oh! Oh! Ow! Oh!

Cheryl: kel!

Boy, it is not
your actual head.

Oh!

It's a sculpture kaira
made for school.

School? What are
y'all studying?

Nasty
freak monsters?

This model
happens to look
exactly like kel.

Like I said,
what y'all studying?
Nasty freak monsters?

Whoo!

Ha ha ha! Yeah!

Hey, that's about me,
with the freak monsters--

You're going to be late
for school. Get going.

All right.
Bye, mama, kaira.

Good-bye, kel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What happened
to your rollerblades?

I left them
at the top
of the stairs.

That is no place
to leave a pair
of rollerblades.

Why not?

Roger: honey!

[Roger screaming]

Aah!

Ow!

Kel: s-s-sorry,
mr. Rockmore.
I'm really sorry.

Kel, you want
some advice?

Huh? What?

Run.

Run, you...

[Indistinct shouting]

Ow!

Oh, roger, quit
your bellyaching.

But my back
really hurts!

The masseuse
will be here
any minute

To give you
your massage.

What was kel
thinking of,

Leaving a pair
of rollerblades

At the top
of a staircase?

That boy's deficient!

Deficient!

Oh!

Kel is not
deficient.

He's just
a little confused.

[Doorbell rings]

There's the masseuse.
I'll let him in.

Please hurry,
baby. Hurry!

Hi.

Hello.
I'm dirk, the masseuse.

I understand someone
here is having
some back pain.

I am. I am.

Hi. I'm
roger rockmore.

Thanks
for coming by.

What happened
to your back?

Some deficient boy
made me fall
down the stairs.

Excellent.
Let me get my table.

We'll get right to work
on that back of yours.

All right. I'll leave
you two here.

If you need me,
I'll be upstairs.

All right.
I won't.

He said
"excellent," though.

Excellent? Bah!

Come in. Ow!

Ok, hop up on the table,
and we'll get started.

Hop?

All right.

Ooooh.

[Groaning]

All right.

Ooowww!

Oh! Oh!

Whoa! Take it easy!

Now, just relax.

Hey, kenan!

Oh!

Oooooh! Get your hands
off of mr. Rockmore!

Roger: oh! Oh!

Kel: I'll save you!
I'll save you!

Now I got
to deal with you.

Ok, come on.

Dirk: whoa! Ow! Ow!

Hey, kel--kel!

Kel, what are you doing?

This man was b*ating up
your daddy. Come here.

I was not.
I was massaging his back.

Well, where's
my daddy now?

Roger: ooohhh!

[Honking horn
and screeching brakes]

[Crashing
and glass breaking]

Kel: there he go,
right there.

Kel!

Get out!

Out?

Out! Away! Go! Leave!

And never come back
here again.

But, father--

Don't "but, father" me.

That boy is nothing
but trouble,

A pimple on the face
that is my life.

Your daddy just
called me a pimple.

If the zit fits!

The zit fits?

I was with you
on the pimple, but--

Just leave!
Please? Please?

Leave--ow!

And you are never
to set foot in
this house again!

Out!

All right.
Lamb for everyone.

Meat!

Yes! Good!

I love lamb.
Baaaah!

Me, too!

Ok, sugar, here's
a nice, big piece
of lamb for you, baby.

Thank you much.

See, isn't it nice
having a lamb dinner

With just our family?
Without--what's his name?

His name is kel.

Kel who?

Come on, pop!

Kel didn't mean
to hurt your back.

Let him come over.
Please?

No, no, no, no,
no, no, and no.

So what you're
saying is "no,"
basically?

Cheryl:
kaira!

Huh?

What are you doing?

N-n-nothing.

I saw you take
that big old
piece of lamb

And put it
under the table.

No, you didn't.

Then where is that
big piece of lamb

I just put on your plate
a minute ago?

Mm-hmm.

No.

[Noisy chewing]

Shh! Shh! Listen!

What?

Listen.

What's that noise?

I don't know.

Me neither.

I know.

[Loud chewing]

Mmm...

Yes?

Oh!

Give me my lamb!

Kenan: papa!

Kel: I want
the lamb!

Out!

No. I want
the lamb.

I want to stay!
I want to stay!

[Kel screaming]

Roger: out!

[Gasping]

I'm--

Aah!

Huh?

There!

Well, that takes
care of that.

[Doorbell rings]

Gee, I wonder
who that could be?

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

Uh--

[Doorbell rings]

Daddy--

Hush!

Kel, is that you?

Kel: no. Uh, no.

Yes, it is!

Uh--delivery!

Delivery? What are
you delivering?

Uh, stuff.

Oh. Ok.

Get your...

What kind of stuff?

Uh, cheese?

I didn't order
any cheese.

No, no. That's
government cheese.

You ain't got
to order it.

Shut up!

Uh, oh, uh--
flowers?

I didn't order
any flowers, either.

Yeah, but you
might get in good
with mama if you--

You might get--

Hello?

[Doorbell rings]

Hey, rockmores--

Go away!

Tsk, tsk.

Oh, oh, oh!

There was no hope
for that.

Aww, now kel's head
is all moist.

So...who was it?

You know
who it was.

Hey, who moistened
kel's head?

Papa dropped him
in the fish t*nk.

Well, that was
uncalled-for.

Enough talk.

Now, everybody,
just eat lamb.

Just eat lamb.

Don't reach
over the table.

Daddy, can I have
some lamb, please?

Yes, yes, yes.

Thank you.

[Squeak]

That's it!

Whoa! Pop,
let me handle this.

Then handle it.

Kenan.
Hey, kenan.

Kel, you got
to go, man.

Oh, but I'm
lonesome.

I know.
I miss you, too.

My pop is furious
with you right now.

Ok, but what
am I going to do?

Write him a note.

A note?

Yeah, yeah.
Apologizing.

But--but--ok,
I'll write one
right now.

No, no. Wait.

Wait till he's calmed down.
Come back later.

Ok, but--wait!

Just do it.

Well?

I told him
to go home.

Good. Good.

You know, I think
you need to be

A little bit more
patient with kel.

Yeah. He is
my only friend.

[All talking at once]

Roger: do you want me
to have a heart att*ck?

I'm the one that makes
the money in this family.

I have to stay alive.

The important thing is that
I don't have a heart att*ck
in this house!

You understand?
He's a crazy kid!

I don't want him
here again--

Uhh!

There you are.
Here's your change.

Enjoy
the fish sticks.

All right.
See you later.

Hup! Ugh!

[Telephone rings]

[Ring]

Rigby's.

Uh, no. There's no
winona here, brother.

No. This is not
winona, man.

Wrong number. All right.

[Telephone rings]

[Ring]

Rigby's.

Man, what did I
just tell you?

Wrong digits. Yeah.
There's no winona here.

No, no. No winona.

[Telephone rings]

[Ring]

[High-pitched voice]
hello?

Yeah, this is winona.
Mm-hmm, but I can't talk now

Because I just fell down
a whole bunch of stairs and
bruised my rear end, child.

Mm-hmm. It's all black
and blue and purple.

Yeah. Oh, ok,
well, hurry on over,

And bring a big old bag of ice
for my bruised buttocks.

Yeah. Hurry up before
it swells all up
like a beachball.

Ok. Thank you, baby.
Bye-bye.

Chris: hey, kenan.

Hey, chris.
Who's this?

This is
my cousin winona.

Well, hello, winona.

It's nice
to meet you.

Nice to
meet you, too.

Listen, winona
is expecting a very
important phone call.

Yes. Has anyone
called here for me?

Uh...nope.

Right.

Well, chris,
I can't wait any longer.

I'll see you later.

Ok. Bye, coz.

Kenan: hey, kel.

Aw, kel,
don't look so upset.
It's not that bad.

Yes, it is.

What's the matter?

Kel's all upset
because my daddy said

That he's no longer
allowed in our house.

Yeah. He said I was
nothing but trouble

And that I was never allowed
into his house again.

Can you believe that?

Yes.

Have you tried
apologizing to him?

How? He won't even
let me in his house.

That's it!

What?

Sorry.

Tonight, my mama and
daddy are having dinner
at the pork shack.

So?

So we'll go there,

Where he can't
kick you out.

That way, you can
apologize to him.

No. I'm frightened.

Why?

Because your daddy's
big, mean,
and baldheaded.

You ever want
to come hang out
at my house again?

I've got to.

Well, then,
let's go see my daddy.

Aw, he'll harm me.

Ha ha ha!
My daddy's not
going to harm you.

Hey, chris, let me borrow
the first-aid kit.

[Pig squealing]

Man: and we also have
the pork chop,

The pork ribs,
the double bacon combo.

Or you may wish to try
tonight's special,

Which the chef calls
"ham, ham, ham."

Ooh, it all sounds
porkalicious.

I know what I'm having.

I'll have the
"ham, ham, ham" special.

And I'll have
the sausage
wrapped in bacon.

Pig in a pork.
Very good.

I'll be right back
to start you off

With two bowls
of hot pork chowder.

Whoa!

We're going to
pig out tonight,
aren't we?

I love it, love it.

Hey, mom.
Hey, dad.

Kenan, what are
you doing here?

Well, I was on my way
home from work,

And I thought I'd stop by
and say hey.

Good. Sit down.

You want to have
some pork meat?

No, thanks.

Actually, pop, I was
wondering if you was
in the mood to talk.

Well, sure, son.
What do you want
to talk about?

Actually, I don't need
to speak to you myself,
but, uh--psst!

Roger: no! No!
Get that demon
out of here!

But, pop--

I told you,
that hooligan is not
allowed in my house!

You have no right
to throw kel out
of this restaurant.

Everyone is welcome
at the pork shack.

[Mockingly]
welcome at
the pork shack.

Kenan: just listen
to what the boy
has to say.

Hey, mr. Rockmore.
How you doing?

How am I doing?
I'll tell you
how I'm doing.

Because of you,
I've got a twisted spine,

A fractured arm,
and a contusion
on my forehead.

Well, I have
a broken heart.

[Mockingly]
a broken heart.

Aw, come on, pop.
Kel is sorry.
Be his friend again.

I was never his friend.

Roger!

Come on, mr. Rockmore.
Look, I promise I'll be
more careful.

No more accidents. Please?
No more accidents.

What do you say?

Roger...

Well, I suppose,
if kel promises
he'll be more careful...

Here we are--
two bowls of hot pork chowder.

Kel: I'm going to
start right now.
Let me help.

Whoo, this is hot!

Roger: aah!

Hot chowder!
Hot chowder!

Let me wipe it off!

No! No! Aah!

[Crash]

Cancel
the "ham, ham, ham."

And then, the big old
insane monster broke out
of his chains

And chased mr. Monkey
down into the basement.

It was dark, damp,
and moist.

Listen!

Then all of a sudden,
when mr. Monkey's back
was turned--

Aah! Aah!

Hey, kenan,
what you doing?

Having a heart att*ck,
that's what I'm doing.

You about made me
wet my p.j.'S.

Why did you sneak
through my window?

So I wouldn't run
into your daddy.

You think he's
still mad at me?

Oh, no, kel.

Sure, he was mad
at you when you
snapped his back

And pushed him
into traffic
and broke his arm

And then hit him
in the head
with a rock,

But I'm sure
it just smoothed
things over

When you poured
hot pork chowder
in his lap

And shoved him
out the window.

Well, I know how
to make it up to him.

I brought him
his favorite candy,

A flower, and a
handwritten apology,

But you have
to give it to him.

Uh-uh.

It doesn't
mean anything
coming from me.

You're going
to have to give him
the stuff yourself.

But, kenan,
I'm scared.

Why?

Because he called me a zit.
What if he pops me?

He's not going
to pop you.
That's illegal.

Kenan...

All right.
If you're so afraid
to face my father,

Just leave it
somewhere where
he can find it.

Ok. Where?

You can leave it in
my parents' bedroom.

Where are
your parents now?

Downstairs watching tv.
Come on. Let's go.

Kel: wow. I've never seen
your parents' room before.

You better hurry up
because if my daddy
catches you in here,

This is going to be
the last room
you'll see.

I'm just going
to put it on the pillow.
Then we can leave.

Just do it!

Shh.
Shh.

Hey, which one is
your daddy's pillow?

Cheryl: come on, roger.
Let's get to bed.

Roger: I'm coming.
I'm coming.

My daddy's
coming!

Cheryl:
whoo, I am so tired.

Roger: me, too.

What a day.

Tell me about it.

If I ever see
that kel again,

I'm going to b*at
his behind like--

All right, roger.
Go brush your teeth.

Yes, dear.

Thank you.

Cheryl:
whoo. Well, I'm going
to get undressed.

Roger: ok.

Roger?

Yes, dear?

I'm going downstairs
to get some juice.

Okey-dokey.

Aw, man, let's
get out of here.

No. Not until
you leave that stuff
on my daddy's pillow.

Aah!

Oops!

Oh, oh, oh.

Why did kel have to throw
that rock at my head?

[Yawning]

Honey? I thought you went
to get some juice.

[High-pitched giggling]

I'm glad you're back.

It's been
a bad week, cheryl.

All I want to do
is just get some sleep.

Good night, baby.

Cheryl?

Cheryl?

Cheryl?

Yes?

What the--

Kel!

Kel: oh, my!
What's going on?

Hey, mama.
Hey, daddy.

Good night.

Roger: kel! Kel!

I brought you a flower!
A flower! A flower!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah!

[Thud]

Cheryl,
I'll see you later.

Where are you going?

After kel!

No! No!

Aah!

Ooh...

I was excited.

Thank you
very much, y'all.

We just want
to know one thing.

Did you enjoy the show?

[Cheers and applause]

Well, thank you
very much.

All right!

Chill it. Whoo!

Wait a minute.

How we going to do
the show next week

With your daddy kicking me
out of the house and all?

I didn't tell you?

When my pop jumped
out the window
after you,

He hit his head
against a tree
so hard

That he forgot
this whole episode.

Whoo!

Boy, that's convenient!
Ha ha ha!

Ain't it, though?

Now, come on, kel.

Where we going?

To the cemetery.

Why we going
to the cemetery?

You'll see.
Grab two shovels
and some coconuts

And follow me,
snow pea.

Yo! Come on!

Uh, kenan,
why you calling me a snow pea?

I'm not a chinese vegetable!

Kenan! Why we going
to the cemetery?

That's not cool.
That's not normal!

Kenan!

Kenan!

Aww!

Aww, here it goes!

Why?!