01x10 - Episode 10

[bunniefuu]

[Snoring]

Hello, cameraperson. Where's amanda, please?

Who are you?

My name is penelope taynt.

I'm amanda's number-one fan, please.

I have my own amanda web site-- www.amandaplease.com.

Uh, that's nice, but I got work to do.

Stay. Have you ever met amanda?

Sure. Lots of times. Amanda gave me this.

That looks like the actual gavel amanda uses when she plays judge trudy.

That's right.

That prop is a piece of television history! Give it.

Hey, clams off. This is mine.

You get your own prop.

I must have a prop from the amanda show.

That's it, please!

I must have the "a" which symbolizes "amanda," please!

Here I come, "a." You'll soon be mine.

Sweet mother, the "a" is mine!

I'd better get my "a" out of here...please.

Boring! Grr!

Look at that shine!

Buh-bye!

Whoo!

Aah!

Uhh!

Hey!

Lights! Lights!

♪ Na-nick, nick, nick

Shaboom!

Mm-hmm.

Howdy, actors.

Gimme!

See ya!

Camera time.

Ahh. Shaboom!

Cool guys.

Love you, dan.

Camera! Sound!

Ha ha! Coming!

Hey! Ow! Ow!

Ahh!

Boing-a-boing!

Ahh! Huh?

Look out! Ohh!

♪ Amanda-manda-manda- manda-manda ♪

♪ Manda-manda- manda-manda-manda ♪

♪ Manda-manda-manda- manda-manda show ♪

Let's go!

[Audience cheering]

Thank you! All right!

My name's amanda! My pancreas is right here!

Thank you. All right.

Now, we have a freakishly good show for you guys tonight.

You guys are going to get to see a live--

Amanda, we got a little problem here.

Hey, raquel. Oh, we're wearing the same dress.

I know. This is really...

...embarrassing.

I know. Maybe we should go--

Amanda... Raquel...

No way!

No.

I was watching the show on the monitor.

I can't believe we are wearing the same dress.

Neither can i.

What are the odds?

Hey, amanda, johnny's wearing the same exact--

Oh, man!

You guys, we got to check with each other before the show

So we don't wind up wearing the same-- oh, no. Look!

Look, all we have to--

No! This can't be happening!

Oh, not the cameramen, too.

Ok. We're all going to change.

Stick around. We'll be back in a second to do stuff!

Have you kids finished your homework?

Not yet, mom.

Can't we watch tv?

Not until your homework is finished.

I don't want to do homework.

Who does?

Hey! Let's call homework hut!

Homework hut! Homework hut!

Yeah!

[Ringing]

Homework hut.

Hi. I need one large book report on tom sawyer.

And how would you like that?

Make it a "b" plus.

All right. Anything else with that?

I need a paper on abraham lincoln, words,

And make it, uh... An "a" minus.

No problem. We'll have your homework there

In minutes or less.

All right! All right!

Here's your homework.

Thanks, homework hut guy!

All right! All right!

Mother: kids.

Did you get your homework done?

We sure did.

[Laughing stupidly]

Announcer: homework hut-- minutes or less,

Or your next "a" is free.

All right! All right!

♪ Amanda-manda-manda- manda-manda ♪

♪ Manda-manda- manda-manda-manda show ♪

And then you lift... Ohh!

Hi there.

Together, japanese accents: oh-hi-oh. Oh-hi-oh.

I'd like to order some soup.

[Normal voice] oh, we're no longer a soup restaurant.

We realized that soup really wasn't our thing.

Now we sell sushi.

That's right.

Together: we're sushi people. Hi!

Hi. Um, ok. I'll try some sushi.

Great! Here you go.

Hi!

What is that?

Well, I guess you didn't know

That sushi was raw fish on rice.

Well, I know what sushi is,

But that fish is still wiggling!

Yep. Our sushi is very fresh.

Your sushi is alive! Alive! Alive!

Daddy, that woman didn't finish her sushi.

Don't fret, baby.

I guess some people just don't appreciate fresh sushi.

Hey there.

Together: oh-hi-oh, hi-oh, hi-oh.

Welcome to sushi dooper. What kind of sushi would you like?

Um...i'll have a tuna roll.

Well, we don't have that, but we have other rolls.

We have fingernail roll.

Ew!

Raccoon roll.

Uhh!

We have thumbtack roll.

Thumbtack roll?!

Grandpa, one thumbtack roll!

What did you say? Oh, what's happening?

We need a thumbtack roll, you crazy old man!

Oh, watch your mouth, boy.

I'm not too old to show you what's what.

Put 'em up, you old prune!

Hey!

Hey, hey. Come on.

What kind of sushi restaurant is this?

There's no such thing as a thumbtack roll. That's dangerous.

Well, um... You could try another roll.

We have phlegm roll.

Phlegm?!

Hairball roll.

You're a failure!

Get off my back!

What are you going to do about it, failure boy?

Come on, you old coot!

Ok!

Yeah! Come on!

Daddy!

Look, you people don't know

The first thing about sushi, do you?

Do you?!

[Crying]

The young man's right.

I know. We're not sushi people.

We're not even japanese!

Hi.

Hi.

Oh, come on. Don't cry.

I'm sure there's something here that's good.

Well, you could try our samurai roll.

Well, ok.

Hi! Hi!

One samurai roll coming up.

Mmm.

Here you go. Mmm.

Mmm. This is good, but why do you call it a samurai roll?

[Yelling in japanese]

Aah!

You people are nuts! Crazy! Crazy!

Um...do you think he'll come back again, daddy?

Of course, pumpkin. I think he really enjoyed himself.

So we really are sushi people?

I think so, baby. I think so.

I'm out of pills!

Quiet, old man!

Oh, failure!

[Humming]

Hey, what you got, dad?

New tv set. Enjoy!

Wow! New tv! Let's turn it on.

Announcer: and kobe beef has the ball.

He passes it left, and--oh!

That ball's going flying right out of bounds!

Ow!

Man: and during the wintertime,

These pigeons will fly south.

See? Look at those pigeons fly.

Aah! Aah!

Man: and tiger berkowitz

With a long sh*t to the fairway.

Here comes the swing, and...oh!

Aah! Uhh!

Reporter: and the firemen

Are still trying to put out the fire, which is hot.

Oh, they're spraying the water now with the hose.

Uh-oh. Uhh!

Woman: my goodness. It seems a tornado

Has hit the southland.

And it's not just a little bitty tornado.

It's a big tornado!

Aah!

Ah! Come here.

[Tv news theme playing]

Reporter: the television bandit

Has struck in neighborhoods all over the city.

This bandit has stolen over television sets thus far,

So please be on the lookout

For this television thief!

I'm the bandit.

Hi, bandit.

I'm gonna steal your tv.

Say, what happened to our new tv set?

Oh, dad. Get a job.

[Bell rings]

Class dismissed.

Except for you, kyle. Sit.

Oh. What's up, dude?

Kyle, I have asked you a thousand times

To please not call me "dude."

Oh, sorry, dude. I mean, uh...

Oh, dude. I mean, um...dude--

Please be quiet, kyle. I want to talk to you about your book report.

Ok.

Do you remember what your book report is about?

Um...a book?

I'll remind you. "Charlotte's web by kyle rostensen."

I wrote charlotte's web?

No! You wrote the report!

Oh. I knew I wrote something.

Yes. And here's what you wrote.

"Charlotte was a spider dude.

"She, like, had a web. Spiders are totally rad.

I like spiders. I also like donuts."

No way! I love donuts, too!

Obviously. Totally.

Stop saying that!

Oh. Hey, you want to play some frisbee?

Look--smiley smiley.

No! Kyle, I just don't know what to do with you.

That's why I've called your parents here today.

Mr. And mrs. Rostensen!

Please take a seat.

It's nice to see you.

Now, mr. And mrs. Rostensen,

I am very disappointed in kyle's work.

No way!

Yeah, kyle, that is, like, so bogus, dude.

Totally!

Dude, I don't know why she's tripping.

I did my report.

You did?

Well, did you, like, hand it in?

Uh, yeah, like, totally.

So, like, what's her deal?

Yeah. What's your deal?

Well, perhaps kyle should read his book report to you.

Ok. Like, give it.

"Charlotte was a spider dude.

"She, like, had a web.

"Spiders are totally rad. I like spiders.

I also like donuts."

Yeah. Donuts are rad.

Donuts rock!

I know, dude. I don't know what her deal is.

Yeah. Like, what's your deal?

Yeah. What is your deal?

My deal?! Mr. Rostensen, don't you think

There's something a little wrong with his book report?

Ok, dude. I admit it.

I helped him write it.

You helped him?

Ok. Like, I wrote the whole thing, ok?

This is pathetic. I don't know what to do here.

Hey, we could go get some donuts.

I don't want any donuts.

You want to play frisbee?

Look-- smiley smiley.

No! I hate frisbee, and I hate donuts.

What is her deal?

Yeah. What is her deal?

What's your deal?

There is no "deal"!

Well, like, dude, we can't hang out here all day.

Yeah. Like, my parents are in the car.

No way! Grandma and grandpa are here? Dude!

What's taking so long, dudes?

Can we, like, go or what?

Yeah, like, we've been sitting in the van

For, like, half an hour, dude.

Totally.

Sorry. We got to split.

Fine! Split! Go eat donuts!

Say "totally." See if I care!

What's her deal?

What isher deal?

I don't know what her deal is.

Yeah. What's her deal?

What's your deal?

Aah! Aah!

Whoa. What was her deal?

What washer deal?

I don't know what her deal was.

Yeah, like, what was her deal?

What was her deal?

What was her deal?

What's your deal?

It's time for a hillbilly moment.

[Laughing stupidly]

Hey, hey. Knock knock.

Who's there?

Uh, gila monster.

Gila monster who?

I'm gonna hit you in the head with a gila monster.

Ha ha...huh?

Uhh!

Ha ha ha! That's a good 'un.

Yep. Ha ha!

♪ Amanda-manda-manda- manda-manda ♪

♪ Manda-manda- manda-manda-manda show ♪

Hurry, taxi driver!

I must get this "a" to my house, please.

I'm telling you, kid, it ain't gonna fit.

Couldn't you have stolen an "l" or maybe something lowercase?

There's no "l" in "amanda," please.

Who is this amanda?

Who is amanda? What are you, some kind of communist?

Do you own a television, please?

No!

I thought as much. I will teach you the joys of amanda

With my laptop computer. It hangs from my neck.

I have a mole on my neck.

Why speak? View my web site.

It's www.amandaplease.com.

Here you see the home page,

Which I update frequently, please.

This week I am featuring a special new clickable

Called "the dancing lobster game." Click, please.

Look at this freakish lobster dance.

He's clearly got the music in him.

If you visit amandaplease.com,

You can create your own lobster dance.

Now I will show you the amanda video clip of the week. Click.

Watch as amanda teaches a parrot to speak japanese.

[Speaking japanese]

Unfortunately, the parrot was stupid.

Now back to the home page,

Where you can find amanda tidbits, trivia, games, and items.

Whoa! That web site is impressive.

It's excellent.

Hey. Where do you think you're going with that big "a"?

Wowee! How did you do that?

Never you mind. He'll be unconscious for minutes, please.

Now put that in your trunk!

It ain't gonna fit, kid.

Very well. You stay here.

I'll go fetch my bike. I'll be back, please!

Bike?

[Playing guitar]

From his garage, it's totally kyle!

Um...one time, i, like, woke up one morning,

And my hair was, like, all messy,

So, like...i combed it,

But it was still messy.

So I used, like, a brush on me,

But afterwards, it was still messy.

So i, like, put on a hat.

That was totally kyle!

Totally!

[Playing guitar]

Excuse me.

Hello.

The snipatorium welcomes your head.

Do you do haircuts for guys here?

The hairs of boys? Of course.

And we have for you the best hairstyling woman

In the universe--bernice. Bernice!

Yeah, honey. You called?

Can you snip away the hairs of this gentle boy?

Yeah, yeah. Honey, come over here.

Are you sure you have enough time to cut my hair?

For a cute monkey face like this, I'll make time.

Of course.

Oh. Let me move madam gorgeous

Over there for a shampoo.

Sit down, handsome. Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!

Ok. Lean back there, toots.

Let me soak that precious little head of yours.

Bernice, darling, the phone, she rings sweetly for you.

Whee!

Yeah. This is bernice. Who wants to know?

Oh, it's you, you adorable slab of manliness, you.

Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!

Bernice, there is no hair on my chest!

Ok, look. I'm on a call here.

Can't you see me talking?

Sorry. Oh. Oh, you.

Stop it! You're terrible!

Oy, I could eat you like yogurt!

Bernice!

Bernice! You wet my pants.

Ok, little miss complain, complain, complain.

I'll get off.

Gotta go, cupcake. Mwah, mwah, mwah.

Bernice, can I get a towel, a squeegee, or something?

Look, sweetheart, talk less and shampoo yourself.

Ok, sweet lumps. How are those nails looking?

Well, I think they're dry,

But they're kind of stuck to the tray.

Oh, I got you covered, pancakes.

Ow!

Look at my nails!

They're gorgeous!

Gorgeous. Gorgeous! Whee!

My hands! Aah!

Ok, honey cheeks. Let's get to it.

Oy! What a shrub.

Hey! Hey, you got your lollipop stuck in my hair.

Oh, don't worry, sweet cakes. I got another one.

Hello! Bernice! Am I dry yet?

I don't know, sweetie. Let's check.

Oh! You look pretty as a pickle.

I do?

Yes.

Aah!

My hair! It's bright green!

Beautiful, beautiful.

Who's pretty like broccoli?

You are! You are! Whee!

I'm ruined!

Oh, bernice! Bernice, I got soap in my eyes!

On my way, chocolate cake. Here. Bend over.

Ohh!

Feel better, sponge loaf?

Yeah, now that I can breathe.

Good. Oh, I think you're getting a zit.

Where?

You ready there, butterball?

You know, you seem so busy and everything,

Why don't I just--

Hold still, bubee. I got work to do here.

Yeah, but, you know, I think my appendix just exploded,

So why don't I just come back another--ow!

Oh, uh, sorry, cuteness.

I nicked you a little bit.

Uh...what? I can't-- what? I can't hear you!

Hmm.

Actually, I like it. It helps shape your face.

What--hey! That's my ear! Give it!

Ah, look at your head.

Bernice, you are a genius! Genius!

Now, give me $, please, boy.

What?

[Yelling] he said you owe me $!

Aah!

Young boy, you forget your ear.

Hello? Hello!

Hello! Hello!

Hello!

Oh, what do we do with this one?

Oh...let's put it with the others.

Whee!

[Telephone ringing]

Uh...i tell you, I don't like children!

[Ring ring]

Hello.

Yes, this is the lubina lumina farm company.

Well, hello, lubina lumina farm company.

Why have you called me?

What time do you want your zebras delivered?

Zebras? I didn't order any zebras.

Uh, they're black and white, sir.

Well, I know their color scheme,

But I don't want any.

Who do you want to speak to?

What color is the hair on your foot?

Well, I believe my foot hair

Is a lovely brownish color,

But what happened to our discussion

Of the zebras?

Quick! Lick the phone!

Pardon?

Lick the phone! Hurry!

Lick the-- all right.

There! I've licked it,

But why did I do it?

How did it taste, sir?

Well, it tasted phone flavored.

But who do you want to talk to?

Thank you.

Thank me? But I've done

Nothing thank-worthy.

You have the wrong number!

May I take your order, sir?

Order? You have the wrong number!

Would you like some more spaghetti?

Spaghetti? I can't digest the noodle.

You have the wrong number.

Please count to ,.

--I'm not going to count to ,--

, , --You have the wrong number!

, --The number you've dialed is wrong!

, -- My dog hates me!

, --I'm afraid of my bathtub.

, --You have the wrong number!

[Audience cheering]

All right! Thank you! Man, the show's about over,

But I still have a lot of energy left.

Hey! I know! You guys want to play tennis?

Yeah! Yeah!

Great. Ok, can I have a racket, please?

Oh, thank you.

You guys have rackets?

Yeah! Yeah!

Ok. Ready?

Uhh!

Oops. Um...well, uh, thanks for coming to our show.

I got to go to the white house and meet the president! See ya!

[Audience cheering]

Hey. What happened to my "a"?

[Horn honking]

Out of the way, please! I've got the "a"!

[Horn honks]

Amanda, please.