02x02 - Monica

[bunniefuu]

Listen up...

I'm just here to tell you that in minutes

The show will be starting in minutes.

Hey, kev, can I go to my dressing room?

Shh. Pipe down. Yes, sir?

Yes, sir, I will.

Kevin, who talks to you over that thing?

The director.

Only the director can tell me what to do. I'm the man.

But if the director can tell you what to do...

Wouldn't that make the director the man?

Be quiet.

I got stuff to do.

Guys, come here.

I got an idea. Follow me.

Hey, what's up, mr. Director?

Not much. What do you need?

There's a problem for you downstairs, uh...

With the, uh...

The applesauce.

What's wrong with the applesauce?

They...can't get it started.

Oh, all right. Well, uh...

Let's go help them get the applesauce started.

Bye.

Later.

I can't believe that worked.

Uh, kevin?

Kevin? Kevin, this is-- this is the director.

Kevin on mike: yes, sir?

Yeah. Kev, can you tell me where you are right now?

I'm right by the refreshment table.

Can I get you a muffin or...ham?

Josh over mike: no, not now,

But what else do you have down there?

Well, we have soda, chips, we have hot sauce...

[Whispers] hot sauce! Hot sauce!

Hot sauce, hot sauce.

Great. I need you to taste a little bit of that hot sauce.

But I don't like hot sauce. My tongue is sensitive.

Kevin, I really need you to taste it.

In fact, why don't you just go ahead and...

Drink the whole bottle?

All right. You're the director.

Oh...

[Gulps]

Kev, how you doing down there?

Aah!

Josh: good, good.

Oh, and don't drink any water, either, kev.

Kevin? There's a mosquito on your face.

My face? My face?

Smack it! k*ll it! k*ll it!

Get it off! Smack it!

Smack it! Get it!

I think you got it, kev. I think you got it.

[Giggling]

My face hurts.

Josh: good, I'm glad.

Kevin? Where are you right now?

Um, I'm right by the tiger room.

[Roars]

The tiger room. Purr-fect.

Go in the tiger room, kevin.

I don't know...

Kevin?

All right, I'm going in the tiger room.

[Roaring]

Oh!

Kevin: stop that! Nice kitty, nice kitty...

[Fabric tearing]

Kev? Kev?

Kevin: no, kitty, please!

Hey, you guys, we got to go start the show.

Kevin: oh...kitty! Oh!

Captioning made possible by nickelodeon and u.s. Department of education

Fresh out the box.

Stop, look, and watch.

Ready yet? Get set.

It'sall that.

♪ Oh

♪ Uh-oh

♪ This is all that♪

♪ This is all that♪

♪ Check it, check it

♪ Now, this is just an introduction ♪

♪ Before we blow your mind ♪

♪ The show is all of that ♪

♪ And yes, we do it all the time ♪

♪ So sit your booty on the floor ♪

♪ Or in a chair

♪ On the ground or in the air ♪

♪ Just don't go nowhere

♪ 'Cause everything we do

♪ Is all of that

♪ We're entertaining you

♪ We're all of that

♪ My posse and my crew

♪ Is all of that

♪ So sit still

♪ 'Cause we're comin' right back ♪

♪ Oh

♪ Uh-oh

♪ This is all that♪

♪ This is all that♪

♪ Check it out

♪ Oh

♪ Uh-oh

♪ This is all that♪

♪ This is all that♪♪

[Kids chatting indistinctly]

Kids, kids-- listen to me.

I just want to say we're delighted that you could all be here

For ishboo's surprise birthday party.

This party will be a wonderful surprise for ishboo.

It's not easy being foreign, you know.

And ishboo's as foreign as they come.

Ishboo's coming!

Everybody get set! Come on! Come on!

Surprise!

Ishboo! We wanted to surprise you.

Yeah.

You can still surprise me by giving me many gifts.

Now where are my presents?

Well, ishboo, we thought we would all...

You know, play some games and things first.

Yeah.

In my foreign land, we open birthday presents immediately.

Why must you tease me?

Ishboo, we would never tease you.

Your birthday presents are right over here.

Well, let us move quickly.

Hey, ishboo-- open this one, it's from me.

Oh, ok.

What is this thing?

It's a baseball bat.

Oh, a stick of wood. Thank you so much.

Next.

Here, ishboo. This one's from me.

It's a ceramic clown.

Everyone: aw...

Girl: that's sweet.

It's pretty. That's really--

Whoa!

Ishboo!

Why did you cr*ck the clown?

Well, I am sorry,

But when I was a tiny ishboo,

My grandmother was bitten by a diseased clown.

Ishboo, why don't we open the rest of your presents later?

Let's have some cake.

Okey-dokey.

Everyone...

♪ For he's our foreign friend ishboo ♪

♪ For he's our foreign friend ishboo ♪

♪ For he's our foreign friend ishboo ♪

♪ Which nobody can understand

Here's your cake.

Fire!

Ishboo! Why did you wet the cake?

Well, in my foreign land, when someone hands you a flaming cake,

It is only proper to extinguish the burning dessert.

You're supposed to make a wish.

Well, I wish you people had never set my cake on fire.

Ishboo, let's play some party games.

There's an idea.

A game would be nice.

You know, my favorite games are pin-the-tail-on-your-mother,

And musical chickens, and...hide and go pee!

You know, let's not play a game.

Yeah.

Well, then, the time has come for me to give you your presents.

Our presents?

Well, ishboo, that's very sweet, but--

Silence!

In my foreign land, there is only one way to end a birthday celebration.

Now everyone gather round.

Shampoo for everyone!

Ishboo, why are you giving us all bottles of shampoo?

Well, in my foreign land--

But, ishboo, where are you from?

Thank you for asking.

Anyway-- oh!

In my foreign land, it is customary to end a birthday celebration

With the happy shampoo dance.

Now, everyone please lather their heads.

Man: oh, now, kids, kids, kids...

I realize it seems strange to lather our heads now,

But--well, it's ishboo's birthday,

And I think we owe it to him to do as he asks.

Well put.

Ishboo isn't doing it.

Don't push me. Now...

Everyone prepare to dance the happy shampoo dance.

Music.

[Music starts]

Now rub your heads and dance.

And now lori beth denberg with vital information

For your everyday life.

Jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.

Jack fell down and broke his crown,

And jill just laughed as jack lay there unconscious.

Jack be nimble, jack be quick.

Jack eat chipmunk, jack get sick.

This has been lori beth denberg with vital information.

♪ This is all that ♪

♪ This is all that♪

♪ Kiki's boat ran into fran's

♪ And they sank into the sea

♪ Now they're on this island here ♪

♪ Where they live perpetually

Announcer: the island girls!

Kiki: fran!

Oh, fran!

Wake up! Rise and shine!

Oh, what now?

We have another beautiful day here to enjoy.

Upsy-daisy, lazy.

Must you do this every morning?

What are we going to do today?

Kiki, we've been on this island for years.

Years, two months, one week.

My point is that today is going to be no different

Then the other , days we've spent here.

So how's about letting me sleep?

Aw, looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the tree this morning.

Guess what I ate for breakfast, fran.

Guess.

Fish and coconuts?

You know-- the same thing we have everymorning!

What time is it?

Why do you always ask me that?

My watch stopped two years ago when you sat on it, remember?

Let's do the crossword puzzle!

Please, not again.

Ok. What's an -letter rd

For molded cheese?for molded cheese?

I still don't know, kiki.

Haven't learned anything new about cheese

Since the last time you asked me...

Or the time before that or the time before that--

A boat! A boat! A boat!

We're saved! We're saved!

Where? Where?

Just kidding. Made you look!

Monkeys look! Fran's a monkey!

Eee-eee! Eee-eee!

You're so silly!

Fran?

Is something bothering you?

Oh, yes.

What is it?

Well, kiki, there's only two things on this island.

Uh-huh?

There's sand...

And you!

See if you can guess.

Can you keep a secret?

Yes.

Do you know what I always wanted to be?

Normal?

No.

Why not?

I always wanted to be...

A singer!

Don't do it.

I wrote a song! It's about us!

Somebody k*ll me. Anyone.

♪ We're stranded, so stranded on this little desert island ♪

♪ There's not much around but a tree and some coconuts ♪

♪ But it's ok, 'cause fran's here ♪

♪ And I'm here, and you're here ♪

♪ And you're gonna be here

♪ Forever and ever

Stop it.

♪ And ever and ever

Stop it.

Stop it!

Just stop it with the song.

Make the song stop.

Oh, fran, you seem all sad.

So, so, sad.

Oh...

But...i'll be ok.

Ok.

Fran!

Let's play catch!

[Clonk]

Fran? Wake up, please!

Wake up, wake up, wake up, please!

Pleasewake up!

Oh, no.

Hi! Hi.

Who are you?

I'm an air force guy. I work for a search- and-rescue team.

Is everything all right here?

Oh, sure! Everything's great!

All right. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye!

Bye!

Wait! Come back! Come back!

Come back, please!

Bye!

Bye.

We'll never be rescued.

You and I are going to be here...

♪ For...

♪ Ever and ever

♪ And ever and ever

♪ And ever and ever

♪ And ever and ever and ever and ever... ♪

Announcer: and now, all thatpresents a semi-educational moment:

Everyday french with pierre escargot.

[Speaking french poorly]

Ho ho!

Ho ho ho ho ho ho!

[Speaking french poorly]

Uh...

Ho ho ho ho ho!

[Speaking french poorly]

Ho ho ho ho!

♪ This isall that ♪♪

Oh, detective dan, thank heavens you're here!

[Imitating columbo] I'm detective dan.

Yes, I know.

Your hat, sir?

Thanks. What's all the fuss?

Someone's broken into my safe!

Lucky for you, this safe is empty.

It's empty now. All my jewelry was in there.

I see. And where's your jewelry now, ma'am?

I don't know. It's been stolen.

That's illegal.

Yes. I want this crime solved.

I want my jewelry back!

Now, now. There, there. Suck it up.

Don't worry, ma'am. We'll find your husband.

Jewelry!

Jewelry. Boys!

Let's get to work!

We're going?

[Machinery whirring]

[Snip snip]

[Gasps]

My bouffant! What are you people doing?

We're just doing a little lawn work.

But I need no lawn work! I want my jewelry back!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

There's no need to worry, ma'am.

Detective dan is on the case.

My hat.

Someone's stolen my hat!

Nobody move!

I--i took your hat.

Aha! A confession. We have a thief in our presence.

Gentlemen, arrest this man!

I protest!

Wait! Wait! What are you-- he's the butler!

It's his job to take your hat. You handed it to him.

See? It's right over there!

My spleen...

Well, well, well...i guess this wraps up the case of the missing hat.

Gentlemen, our work here is done. Let's go, boys.

What?

Detective dan, what about my missing jewelry?

Ah, yes. The jewelry.

Would it be possible for me to see this jewelry, ma'am?

Is your head working?

The jewelry has been stolen!

Ah...i see.

And where were you

When this so-called "jewelry" was taken?

I was in the house, but--

And you have the combination of that safe, don't you?

Well, of course I do, but--

Officers, place this woman under arrest.

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Give me my thing!

No! Are you daffy?

Why would I steal jewelry which was mine to begin with?

Can I assume that you've worn this jewelry before, ma'am?

Yes, of course!

Officers, dust this woman for fingerprints.

Gross!

[Coughing and laughing]

Oh, that tickles!

All right, that's enough.

Let's look for stuff.

You... Take the upstairs.

You... Search the upstairs.

Mrs. Lipschitz, you look in the closet.

But this isn't the closet. It's the balcony!

Hurry.

Aaaah!

[Crash]

I'll search the living room.

You! You there! I'd like a couple words with you.

Uh...yes, sir.

[Smash]

You wouldn't happen to know

Who might've stolen mrs. Lipschitz's jewelry, would you?

No...not really.

No.

See anything at all...suspicious?

No, can't say that I have.

Hmm...

[Gasps]

My jewels!

Where?! Where?!

How dare you burgle me!

Detective dan!aah!

Look what we found in the butler's room--

Lock-picking tools, a mask, and this book

Entitled how to break into a safe and steal all the stuff inside.

And look, he has all the jewels!

So what's your point?

The butler's the burglar!

Now, let's not jump to any conclusions, boys.

Now, jives...

Where were you on the night when the jewels were taken?

I was, uh... Somewhere else?

Aha! How could he have possibly broken into the safe,

Stolen the jewels, when he was someplace else when they were taken?

Sir, I think maybe he's lying.

Are you lying?

No.

No!

He is too! Give me my jewelry!

She's trying to steal the jewels! Stop that woman!

Dan: all right, that's enough.

Now, cuff her, and let's get her downtown.

I'm really sorry this had to have happened, sir.

I'll see that she goes to prison for a long, long time.

Thank you, sir.

Case closed. Let's get out of here.

Uh, sir, wait. That's the balcony.

Hey, who's the detective here?

All: aaah!

[Crash]

What a moron.

Hey, clavis! Wake up.

The show's over.

Oh, yeah. Kick it!