02x03 - Larisa Oleynik/Da Brat

[bunniefuu]

Hey, you guys want to play spin the bottle?

Oh, yes!

Wait. What's spin the bottle?

It's a game where you all sit in a circle,

And you take turns spinning a bottle.

What's fun about that?

Well, whoever the bottle lands on, you have to kiss.

That's right.

Yeah.

Ok. Let's play.

I'm so excited to play the game.

Can I go first?

Ok. Go ahead.

It didn't land on anybody.

It landed on that chair.

Kel: it looks like angelique's going to be kissing the chair.

♪ You got to kiss the chair ♪

All right, I'll go kiss the chair?

Kel: she's kissing the chair.

I can't believe she's kissing it.

Pucker up, sweetheart.

[Josh making kissing sound]

She's spraying her mouth.

All: ew!

Kel: she kissed the chair.

Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok, ok.

Ok, it's my turn.

All right.

Come on, lucky bottle.

Aw, he's getting ready.

Look out.

Oh, yeah.

All right.

It looks like it hit the octopus t*nk.

Oh, man...

Kiss the octopus.

I don't want to kiss an octopus!

You have to. She kissed the chair.

Ok. Shh. Ok.

Kel: kissing an octopus...

Kiss it.

Angelique: that's disgusting.

All slimy...

Kel: oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, he got wet.

Fish lips. Ha ha ha ha!

[Kissing noise]

Fish lips.

Angelique: ew!

What are you doing?

Wet kiss.

Josh, you must like it or something.

The show's starting in minutes.

What's going on here?

Oh, we're playing spin the bottle.

How do you play spin the bottle?

Just watch.

Ok, kel, it's your turn.

It, uh, landed on that cactus.

I don't want to kiss a cactus.

You have to. He just kissed an octopus.

I kissed my octopus.

Yeah, but you like kissing octopus.

Josh: come on, kiss it.

Angelique: kiss it.

[Kissing noise]

Kel: mmm! Oh! Ow!

Oh! Oh!

[Mumbling]

All right, enough of the cactus kissing.

Time to start the show right now.

Kevin, we can't quit now.

Yeah. This is too much fun.

We're going to still play. My turn.

It landed on kevin.

Uh...game over.

Let's go do the show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come on.

Fresh out the box.

Stop, look, and watch.

Ready yet? Get set.

It'sall that.

♪ Oh

♪ Uh-oh

♪ This is all that♪

♪ This is all that♪

♪ Check it, check it

♪ Now, this is just an introduction ♪

♪ Before we blow your mind ♪

♪ The show is all of that ♪

♪ And yes, we do it all the time ♪

♪ So sit your booty on the floor ♪

♪ Or in a chair

♪ On the ground or in the air ♪

♪ Just don't go nowhere

♪ 'Cause everything we do

♪ Is all of that

♪ We're entertaining you

♪ We're all of that

♪ My posse and my crew

♪ Is all of that

♪ So sit still

♪ 'Cause we're comin' right back ♪

♪ Oh

♪ Uh-oh

♪ This is all that♪

♪ This is all that♪

♪ Check it out

♪ Oh

♪ Uh-oh

♪ This is all that♪

♪ This is all that♪♪

Oh, mittens!

[Cat meowing]

Please come down, mittens.

Come on.

Man: ah.

Hey, mister? Mister!

I'm coach kreeton, and I'm going home to take a bubble bath.

But, coach kreeton, my cat mittens is stuck in this tree.

You got to help me!

Nah. I'm coach kreeton, and I ain't got time for

No crazy little girl's ol' crazy little pussycat.

Aah!

[Crying]

I don't care! Go ahead! Cry it up!

Aah! Aah!

[Crying]

All right, I'll get your crazy little pussycat out the tree.

All right. Get out of my way.

Thank you.

Aah, don't be thanking me.

Aah! Crazy tree.

Hurry!

Aah! I washappy.

Aah!

There she is. See her?

Hush up, demon!

[Mittens growling]

Come here, pussycat. I got you.

[Mittens yowling]

Aah!

Girl: you ok, coach kreeton?

[Coughing]

No! Now, look, I tried to get your ol' cross-eyeded pussycat out of the tree.

Now, I'm going home to go soak in a bubble bath.

Aah, get out of my way.

[Moaning and coughing]

But what about my kitty?

[Crying in monotone]

Aah! Oh, all-- get out of my way.

Oh! Aah!

[Mittens meows]

Oh, I knew there'd be days like this.

Naw, mama told me.

Come here, pussycat.

[Mittens growling]

The branch is bending!

Girl: get up!

Aah!

Aah! This tree is evil, and your kittycat's possessed!

Aah! My effort is just a memory. Aah!

I want my kitty!

Stop it! Stop it!

All right, I'll put my bubble bath on delay,

But that's all, you crazy little woman!

Aah!

Oh! Ow! Crazy pussycat!

Crazy gullah gullah trees!

Aw, you crazy wombat!

Aah! Aah!

Over to the left.

Oh, hush up! Coach kreeton knows what to do.

Aah!

[Mittens meowing]

Hi, amy.

Hi, tommy. What's that?

Oh, this? This is my new bow and arrow. Watch this.

Aah! I'm hit! I'm hit!

The pain in my head is extreme!

Why didn't you get my kitty?

Well, I was making good progress until some crazy young assassin

Tried to puncture coach kreeton's head in.

Aah. Aah!

All I wanted to do was enjoy a good bubble bath.

You upset me in ways I can't understand.

I got to have my kitty!

[Mittens meowing]

Aah!

Ow! Oh!

How many times? How many times?

There she is!

I see her. Come to coach kreeton.

Come on, pussycat.

Careful. She has sharp claws.

Aw, coach kreeton ain't afraid of no itty-bitty little--

[Mittens hissing]

Aah! Oh! Aah!

Mittens! Mittens!

Did the mean man hurt you? Let's go home.

Aah! Help me! No, don't go away!

I'm upside down. I prefer to be right side up!

Don't go!

[Shouting indistinctly]

Announcer: and now, lori beth denberg

With more vital information for your everyday life.

Lori beth: this is no way to treat the world.

If you're writing a letter to your grandfather,

Don't begin with, "dear bald, wrinkled man."

When you're checking out at the grocery store,

Never say, "oh, I don't need any bags.

I'll just stick the food in my pants."

Announcer: this has been lori beth denberg with vital information.

Keep watching the rest of the show,

Or you'll upset me in ways I can't understand.

Ow! My hand! Aah!

♪ This is all that♪

♪ This is all that♪♪

Now, class, take your seats.

But don't take them all the way to mississippi.

Anyhoo, is everyone ready for today's big test?

Class: yes, miss fingerly.

Splendid! Now, clear your desks.

Answer all questions correctly.

Incorrect answers will be counted as wrong.

I'll be at my desk reading this trashy romance novel.

Begin!

Girl: what's the answer to number one?

Number one?

Hilary, I hear your whispers.

Oh. I was just asking bonnie what the answer to number one is.

Why do such a thing?

Well, bonnie knows, and I don't.

Sassy, that's cheating, which is bad.

Now leave bonnie be.

Yes, miss fingerly.

Hilary!

Yeah?

You have books papers and periodicals all over your desk.

That's right.

What do you think you're doing?

Looking up the answers.

Young lady, that's cheating.

The classroom is no place for research.

Now, put those materials away.

Sure.

Hilary, what are you doing?

Using this telescope.

Why?

Because I can't see nancy's test from here.

You're missing the point entirely.

I told you not to look on anyone else's test paper.

That's cheating!

You just told me not to look on bonnie's test paper.

Stop the back talk! Put the giant lens away!

This is a classroom, not an astronomararium.

Ok. Whatever.

[Static]

Zero alpha baker , this is frequency megahertz.

Need to know the capital of sweden.

Repeating: what is the capital of sweden?

Hilary, what is that contraption?

Huh? Oh, this? This is a ham radio.

That's cheating!

What are you doing with a ham radio?

Well, you see, on number of your little test here,

You asked to know the capital of sweden.

I don't know, so I'm contacting sweden-- some guy named svengas.

Why are you asking svengas for the answer?

Well, it seemed to make sense,

Him being swedish and all.

Nevertheless, it makes you a cheater!

You too, svengas!

Oh, you make me so angry!

It's just a ham radio.

The classroom is no place for radios named after lunchmeats,

And certainly not during a test.

Once again, that's cheating!

Punk.

Uh, miss fingerly?

What is it?

I can't read question number on my test.

Oh.

Number reads,

"What are the exact words to lincoln's gettysburg address?"

Ok. Thank you.

Man: fourscore and seven years ago--

Hilary!

What now?

Is there a problem, miss fingerly?

There certainly is, mr. President.

She's getting answers from you. That's cheating.

You're coming with me to see principal pimpell.

But--but I didn't finish my test.

I'll have no cheating in my classroom!

Fourscore and seven years ago...

What is the capital of sweden?

I repeat, what is the capital of sweden?

♪ This isall that ♪♪

Announcer: and now, all thatpresents a semieducational moment--

Everyday french with pierre escargot.

[Pierre speaking french poorly]

Ha ha ha ha!

[Speaking french poorly]

Ha ha ha ha!

[Speaking french poorly]

Ha ha ha ha!

Girl: hi. My name is alex. I wear a hat.

Anyhoo, one day I was walking home from school

When suddenly I heard some bad jazz music.

[Out-of-tune jazz playing]

Verybad.

So one minute I'm walking and smiling,

Oblivious to the world around me...

And the next minute, I got smacked in the head by a saxophone.

Pretty hard, too-- I'm talking pain.

After my face stopped throbbing,

Some pretty strange things started happening.

I just can't stop playing the saxophone.

[Saxophone squeaking and honking]

I play my sax everywhere, even in bad pizza restaurants.

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah!

[Splat]

Aah!

[Saxophone squeaking and honking]

Alex: my saxophone music really seems to move people.

Aah!

I played my saxophone so much,

I even changed my name from alex mack

To alex sax.

I guess I'm not so average anymore.

Hee hee hee!

I just love going to the bank.

I can smell my money already.

[Alarm bell ringing]

Hee hee hee hee hee hee!

Stop them! They've stolen all of the bank's money!

And we're not insured!

Aah!aah!

Help! Help!

And he says to me--

[Saxophone squeaking and honking]

Do you hear that?

What isthat?

Sounds like an elephant's stomping on my mama.

Oh! Oh!

Oh! It's awful!

Oh, it hurts!

Oh, that music is nauseating! Oh!

Thanks. I'm alex sax.

I'm her smart sister.

And I'm in no way related.

Nice to meet you. Look, we're trying to rob a bank here.

Hey, she stopped playing. Come on. Let's b*at it.

Stop those guys! They just robbed the bank!

Help! Help!

Just play the sax!

Do something, alex!

[Saxophone squeaking and honking]

[Music stops]

Perot: you did it! You saved my $ million!

Here's a little something for your trouble.

Wow! Cool quarter!

I'm detective dan.

All right, boys, cuff these two clowns

And take them down to the station.

What? But-- but I'm your sister!

I'm too smart to go to prison.

I'm smart!

I'm detective dan.

You did it, alex. You saved the day!

That's why they call me alex sax.

Guess you could say you got real sax appeal.

Hee hee hee hee!

Hee hee hee!

Laugh it up, and I'll give you $,.

Ha ha ha ha! Hee hee hee!

Hee hee hee! Ha ha ha ha!

Hee hee hee!

[Saxophone squeaking and honking]

Announcer: and now, more vital information.

When you get out of the shower soaking wet,

It's almost impossible to dry yourself off using a number two pencil.

Never wash your socks like this.

Next time you fall in a puddle of mud,

Don't stand up and shout,

"I'm the mayor of mud city, and you are all my mud people!"

Announcer: this has been lori beth denberg with vital information.

Hey, clavis! Wake up.

The show's over.

Oh, yeah. Kick it!