04x07 - Nuclear and Present Danger/Loch Ness Mess

[bunniefuu]

[bell tolling]

[thunder]

♪♪

[owl hooting]

♪♪

[growl,
baby cries]

[growl,
man screams]

Tell it to the Marines!

[thunder]

[screaming]

[evil laughter]

♪♪

That new machine makes
a good cup of coffee.

Well, perhaps, Phil, if you paid
a little more attention to plant

productivity and a little less
to your coffee, I might have

some competition for
employee of the month, hmm?

You two want to
keep it down?

I'm trying to take
a little catnap here.

[squish]

Oh, this place
gives me the willies.

Nonsense, this is a perfectly
good place for a scare.

Shall we?

[squish]

[bell rings]

[screaming]

[laughter]

Wow.

Look at all
the buttons.

Krummy, do not
touch anything.

Human technology is not
something to tamper with.

[sniffing]

Ickis!

Have you lost
your senses?

This is human food.

It can be very,
very dangerous.

Honestly, you two.

All right!
Sheesh.

[clatter]

[alarm ringing]

[shouts]

Ay yi yi!

Phil? Sheila?
Bob?

[alarm stops]

Stay calm, Lyle.

Gotta stay calm.

Ay yi yi yi yi!

"Leak detected
in sector eight.

Commence broadcast of tape
number seven."

Gotta stay calm,
gotta stay calm.

[automated voice]
So you're having

a nuclear meltdown.

Oh, gee!

Please walk in a calm,
orderly fashion

to the nearest
emergency exit.

[siren wailing]

Ooh, something
is wrong.

What's a meltdown?

Yes, sir.

I will, sir.

But what about Phil,
Sheila and Bob, sir?

That's right,
the mutants.

Yes, sir, I'm quite certain
they've been exposed, sir.

Yes, sir.

Sorry, guys.

Let's get
out of here!

[screaming]

We're saved!

My name is
Dr. Harold Carson.

I've been asked to lead you on
our mission to go in and isolate

the three mutated humans known
as Phil, Sheila and Bob.

We don't know how bad the
contamination is, gentlemen,

but I can tell you this.

Nuclear mutation
is never a pretty sight.

No matter what we witness
in that building,

we have to stay cool,
calm and collected.

If we stay calm,
we can keep them calm,

but if we
lose control...

I don't even want to think about
what might happen.

Any questions?

Good.

Let's go get 'em.

We're trapped!

[man]
Phil?

Humans!

Let's hide.

Ickis, we are monsters,
and monsters scare humans.

Humans do not
scare monsters.

Nice knowing ya.

She's right.

Monsters live
to scare.

So I'll meet you
back here?

Subject shows sign of intense
gastrointestinal malfunction.

Hello!

You should be
afraid of me!

We're here to help you,
Sheila.

Oh, boy.

Step aside.

Subject emits toxic cloud
of body odor so powerful,

it is unable
to be analyzed.

It is up to you,
Ickis.

I was afraid you
were gonna say that.

Subject Phil shows signs
of extreme fatigue,

including general crankiness
and bloodshot eyes.

Does anyone have
any eye drops for Phil?

[Ickis growling]

Note subject's response
to contamination.

Glandular swelling
increases tenfold.

Let's get
out of here.

Phil? Sheila?
Bob!

Come back!

Subjects show
no sign of cooperation.

We can't let them
get away, gentlemen.

Let's get 'em.

[growling]

I've been looking
for you, Phil.

I'm not Phil!

Subject suffers
from acute amnesia.

[yawning]

What is
wrong with you?

This is my
best stuff.

Very nice,
Phil.

Ready togive up?
Hi, Bob.

Oh, no.

[Oblina screaming]

[chattering]

[Oblinas]
Ooh!

Ta-ta!

Better much.

Much better.

Mutation more severe
than first appeared.

Recommend brain
dissection.

Brain dissection?

Phil, don't touch
the buttons!

Phil!

Phil!

Take your foot
off the button.

Phil, Phil--
you don't want to do that!

[beeping, rumbling]

Let's get
out of here!

[laughing]

[Carson]
No, I'm first, let me out!

Come on,
let's get out of here!

[siren wailing]

[automated voice]
May I have your

attention, please?

Please walk to the nearest
emergency exit.

Ickis, stop
fooling around!

We must leave before
the humans return!

Humans?

I'm not afraid of
the humans!

The humans are
afraid of me!

Since when?

Since I learned
how to do this!

[laughing]

Ladies and gentlemen, may I
have your attention please?

We are now officially
in overload.

This plant will
self-destruct in seconds.

Try to make
every second count.

Vaya con Dios.

Ickis, how many of
these buttons did you push?

All of 'em.

We're never gonna turn off
all these switches

in less than a minute.

Hurry!

[sighs]

[thud, alarm beeping]

Help me!

She's gonna blow!

[screaming]

It was frightening,
horrible.

Nobody's ever
gonna believe us.

I still have
stink all over me.

Oh, will you two
stop already?

We are safe.

No monster
is going to--

[crash]

[screaming]

Where are we?

I don't know, but I'm sure glad
to be out of that place.

I think there is a valuable
lesson to be learned here.

As I said earlier,
human technology

is not something a monster
should tamper with.

All right, then let's
get out of here.

[Oblina]
Thank you.

[crash]

[The Gromble]
Class, I'm very pleased

to announce we have
a special guest today.

He's a legend
in the scaring world,

a monster for all ages.

In fact, you might say
he's been a hero to me.

Class, it is with
great pleasure

that I give you
the Loch Ness Monster!

Thank you for coming,
Mr. Loch Ness.

I mean,
your Lochness.

I mean, Loch and Load.

Your Locksmith.

I don't know
what I mean.

Nah, just call me
Lochie.

Let me tell you,
it's great to be here.

It's great to
have you here.

Wow, oh,
he's my hero!

I carry his card with me
all the time.

How are you,
wee monster kiddies?

I'll be starting
my little lecture

with one of
my favorite scares.

It's how I scared the old Viking
known as Erik the Red.

Except when I finished with him,
he was Erik the Yellow.

[laughing]

[cheering
and applause]

[The Gromble]
Erik the Yellow, yes, I get it.

[belches]

Mr. Ness, can I have
your autograph?

Glad to, you wee
monster moppet.

That's what happens when
I get to spinning me "tails".

[laughing]

Oops, class, we must
forgive Lochie.

He's had a long voyage
and still has his sea legs.

Uh, fins.

Aye, it has been
a long trip.

I've got to get
a grip on meself.

Ooh, then you must
stay and rest...

in my room,
as my guest.

Oh, Grombie, I'm touched, but I
couldn't be imposing on you.

Oh, please.

It would be
such an honor.

Please stay,
won't you?

Oh, well, if you
insist, I'll stay!

That's-- oh!

[gasping]

Wonderful.

[Loch Ness]
Hey, Grombie!

Me bags are here!

So I gather.

There.

Nothing like
a touch of home.

Yes, my words
exactly.

Well, I've got some
papers to grade.

Oh, nonsense,
Grombie.

I'm ready for
a little fun.

Let's go scaring!

Oh, I-- I would be
honored, but I--

Great!

That's the spirit,
matey!

[roaring]

[screaming]

[laughing]

[laughs weakly]

[roaring,
people screaming]

[laughing]

[laughs weakly]

[laughing]

Well, Lochie, this has been
a truly wonderful evening,

but we should really
be getting back to the dump.

Oh, come on, Grombie,
where's your spunk?

There's plenty more
scaring to do!

More scaring.

Well, count me... in.

In conclusion, I just
want to say, class...

[yawning]

[belches]

Class dismissed!

Excuse me,
your Grombleness?

What-- who?

You wish to
speak to me?

Um, yes, sir, um, uh,
are you all right?

I'm fine, fine.

Never felt better,
fine.

[yawning]

Oh, poor Gromble,
having to put up

with that overbearing,
rude monster all night.

How dare you?

You insult the
Loch Ness Monster.

He's a hero!

He's the greatest
scarer of all time!

He can do
no wrong!

[bagpipes playing]

Hello!

It is
a glorious day!

You know what I feel like
doing on a day like this?

Sleeping?

Singing!

♪ Oh, the first thing
I like about the sea ♪

♪ Is it's the only place
where I can be me ♪

♪ I can scare anywhere I go
as long as I've got H O ♪

♪ That's the first thing
I like about the sea ♪

♪ Oh, the second thing
I like about the sea-- ♪

Ah!

Oh, Grombie.

You know, you ought to
get that thing fixed.

You're in
a good mood today.

That's because
I've got great news!

You've made me
feel so welcome,

Grombie, that I've
cancelled my lecture tour

and decided to
stay here forever!

S-stay
for-forever?

Now we'll be together
always, Grombie!

Isn't that great?

Wonderful.

♪♪

It gives me great pleasure to
present, for his fifth lecture,

the Loch Ness Monster.

[cheering
and applause]

[bagpipes playing]

It gives me great pleasure to
present, for his th lecture,

the Loch Ness Monster.

[applause]

It gives me the platest
greasure to present,

for his fiftyfurnt lecture,
the Loch-- oh, you know.

[clapping]

[bagpipes playing]

[Loch Ness]
Oh, well, time to go to bed.

Ahh...

Bombs away!

[laughing]

Grombie, you look like
a week-old haddock!

Yes, haddock.

Ha ha.

I-- I-- Aah!

I can't take it
anymore!

What I'd do?
What I'd do?

Not you, him.

That Scottish maniac
has gone too far.

He's covered my room
with plaid.

He wants to go scaring every
minute of the night and day.

And if I hear one more squeak
out of those bagpipes,

I'm going to
rip my ears off.

He's driving me crazy,
you know.

Well, why didn't you tell
anyone he was annoying you?

I couldn't.

He's a hero, a legend, the
greatest scarer of all time.

I didn't want to ruin
that image for you.

Yeah, but everyone knows
he's annoying.

You do?

Uh-huh, we know that
the Loch Ness Monster

is a hero for his scares,
not his personality.

I mean, even heroes
have faults.

Oh, except for you,
sir, of course.

You're you.

Your Grombleness.

I do have a fault.

I'm too nice!

What shall I do?

If he stays, I'll go mad,
but I can't tell him to leave.

That would be cruel.

Perhaps we can make him
leave by being nice to him.

Allow me
to explain.

Lochie, sorry to
disturb you,

but Ickis here would love to
learn your Scottish song.

Isn't that right?

Oh, yeah!

Why, yes,
Mr. Loch Ness.

I would love to learn
your Scottish song.

Well, all right.

Sing along now,
Laddie.

Here goes.

[both]
♪ Oh, the first thing

♪ I like about the sea...

Yee-haw!

♪ Is it's the only place
where I can be me ♪

♪ I can scare in sunken caves,
yes, I'm really making waves ♪

♪ That's the nd thing
I like about the sea ♪

All right, I think
you've got it.

[Oblina]
Yoo-hoo, Mr. Loch Ness?

I too would love to learn
your Scottish song.

I'm not one to
disappoint the lassies.

All right,
let's begin.

[both]
♪ Oh, the first thing

♪ I like about the sea

♪ Is it's the only place
where I can be me ♪

♪ I can scare anywhere I go,
as long as I've got H O ♪

♪ That's the first thing
I like about the sea ♪

♪ I can scare
in the coral reef ♪

♪ And really give
the humans grief ♪

♪ And that's the th thing
I like about the sea ♪♪

Let me guess.

You want to learn
my song, right?

Um, no, Mr. Loch Ness,

but it would be an honor
to go scaring with you.

Scaring?

Well, I'm tired.

Lochie, Master Ickis would like
to learn how to jig.

Jig?

Oh, sure, Jig.

No problem.

♪♪

[music slows]

Lochie, look at the time.

It's time
for your lecture.

Class, it is with greatest
pleasure that I present

for his nd lecture,
the Loch Ness Monster.

Grombie, Grombie, my wee
Grombie, bad news.

I've just remembered I left me
shower on back in Scotland.

I must be getting back.

But Lochie, the students
were going to ask you

to lead their
monster choir.

Oh, thanks,
but no thanks.

But what about the round the
clock scare-athon tomorrow?

You don't want
to miss that.

Get me
out of here!

Ahh...

Now, class, I hope
we've all found a lesson in--

[snoring]

[snoring]

[serpent]
Couldn't shut up, could ya?

Well, next time,
I do the talking!

Okay?

♪♪

You did it again, didn't you?

Yes, you did!

I told you to keep quiet,
but do you listen to me?

No, you do not.

Nah, you're the
Loch Ness Monster.

You had to tell your story,
didn't you?

Sing, sing, talk,
jig, sing, jig.

Can't shut up, can ya?

You're never gonna learn,
are ya?

Next time, I do the talking.

All right, so this didn't
work out.

There are plenty
of dumps around.

I hear Florida's nice
this time of year.

Only this time,
I'll do the talking.

[clanking]

[sniffing]

I still have stink
all over me.