03x09 - Chris Farley/Mint Condition

[bunniefuu]

But, you guys, I swear, I did take a bath!

What the...

Katrina, what's this?

Hang on. I'm almost finished.

Have you smelled josh lately?

He reeks.

Whoa, check it out!

What's that thing?

This is my very own time machine.

Oh, yeah? Well, what time is it?

[All] ha ha ha!

O.k.

Laugh if you want to.

We did.

Katrina,

You want us to believe you really built

Your very own time machine?

Yep.

What does it do?

Well,

Depending on how I set it,

It can send us forward

Or backward in time.

Oh, sure.yeah, right.

What, you don't believe me?

O.k., If this thing really works,

Then send us back in time.

Yeah, katrina, please,

Send us back to--i don't know...

Years ago?

O.k., Years ago.

No problem.

Katrina, quit playing around.

We've gotta go start the show.

Uh--too late. Years back in time.

But, wait a minute.

Oh! Oh!

Nice going, katrina.

You didn't send us back in time.

You just made us little.

Sorry.

Minutes, minutes.

The show starts in ...

For the love of youngsters.

What happened to you guys?

Katrina did this with her new machine.

Well, no time for shenanigans.

Show starts in minutes.

Yeah but, we're too young to perform.

Oh, really? We'll see about that.

Out of my way.

Phew! That was close.

Yeah.

Sorry, guys.

Let's just go do the show.

See ya, kev.

Bye, kevin.

Wait, help me.

Help me.

Minutes.

Minutes.

Captioning made possible by nickelodeon and u.s. Department of education

Fresh out the box.

Stop, look, and watch.

Ready yet? Get set.

It'sall that.

♪ Oh

♪ Uh-oh

♪ This is all that♪

♪ This is all that♪

♪ Check it, check it

♪ Now, this is just an introduction ♪

♪ Before we blow your mind ♪

♪ The show is all of that ♪

♪ And yes, we do it all the time ♪

♪ So sit your booty on the floor ♪

♪ Or in a chair

♪ On the ground or in the air ♪

♪ Just don't go nowhere

♪ 'Cause everything we do

♪ Is all of that

♪ We're entertaining you

♪ We're all of that

♪ My posse and my crew

♪ It's all of that

♪ So sit still

♪ 'Cause we're comin' right back ♪

♪ Oh

♪ Uh-oh

♪ This is all that♪

♪ This is all that♪

♪ Check it out

♪ Oh

♪ Uh-oh

♪ This is all that♪

♪ This is all that♪♪

And now, channel b presents,

Live from his own kitchen,

Cooking with randy.

Hi! I'm randy!

And this is cooking with randy.

Hi, randy!

Mmmmmmm-mwa!

Today, I have a special surprise guest for you.

He's a master chef

All the way from chicago!

Please welcome chef farley!

Well, well!

Howdy-doo, randy?!

Hey, howdy-doo there, chef farley.

I understand you've prepared

Some of your special dishes for us.

That's right, randy.

Now a little birdie told me

That you have a special kind of hankerin'

For chocolate.

Well, yes, you might say

That I enjoy chocolate.

Well, ha ha ha ha!

Then feast your eyes on this little baby right here.

How do you like this one, randy?

Be still, my chocolate heart.

This here's a layered chocolate cake

With a chocolate mousse center...

Covered in chocolate icing.

It is lovely, chef farley.

You know, the only thing I might add

Would be just a little bit more...

I know, I know.

Ketchup. You read my mind.

What?

Ketchup boy!

Ketchup? I ain't got no ketchup.

Come on in here.

This here's ketchup boy.

How are you doing, ketchup boy?

Just fine.

You got your own ketchup boy?

Doesn't everybody?

Now stand back, randu,

Because this can get a little ugly.

You gotta do it just right!

Hey, man, what are you doing?!

It's all in the wrist what goes on!

Oh, man, what is you doing?

A little bit more!

Ho, ho, ho!

Wait, man. What are you doing?

I wasn't talking about ketchup.

Weren't talking about ketchup?

Well, don't knock it 'til you try it, randu,

'Cause this stuff is good.

Mmmmmmm!

Yeah!

Taste that!

No! Nasty.

Nasty?

Look, look, look.

I think I oughta explain how we do things here

In randy's world.

Take it away, randu.

Thank you.

All right.

Now, I believe it is safe to say

That everybody loves fried chicken.

Well, you bet your fanny I do, randy.

Now here we see

Legs of beautifully fried,

Crispy, crunchy chicken.

Right here.

Now, the only thing left to do

To finish off the heaping,

Beautiful plate of chicken

Is add a heaping helping of...

Ketchup!

I know, I know. Hold on, randy.

Ketchup boy, come on out here.

By golly, randy, you and I think alike.

I don't want...

Everybody loves a little ketchup,

Is that what you said? No, no, no, no.

Everybody loves ketchup.

See here.

Everybody loves a little...

Chocolate!

Whoo hoo whoo hoo!

There we go.

That's pretty good.

Taste this, ketchup boy.

You know, chocolate ain't half bad.

Not half bad?!

Get out of here!

You're fired!

You're never gonna serve ketchup again!

Get out of here!

You see? You can't b*at chocolate.

You can't b*at chocolate?

Randu, I'm worried about you.

Look, kid, you been eating chocolate all your life,

And all you got to show for it

Is a new crop of zits!

I'm worried about you!

Pretty soon you're gonna wake up sunday morning

After stealing grandma's mints out of her candy dish!

You're gonna end up in rehab a chocoholic!

Are you on some kind of medication?

Maybe, randu, but stand back,

Because you better come over to the side of ketchup.

No!

I will never forsake chocolate.

Ketchup!

Chocolate!ketchup!

Chocolate!ketchup!

Chocolate!ketchup!

Cho-co-late!

[Thunder]

Randy, what have you done here?

What's happening here?

You have aroused the chocolate gods.

Randy, this is...

This is scaring me a little bit here.

Hey, what...

Ha ha!

Yes!

It is raining chocolate!

Eat with me, farley!

All right, randy, don't mind if I do.

All we need's a little bit of ketchup on it.

Yeah! Ha ha!

Come on, randy!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

We're out of time.

So until next time...

See ya!

Come on out, ketchup boy!

And now, lori beth denberg with more vital information

For your everyday life.

Putting a mouse in your pants is weird.

Building a tiny gymnasium in your pants

For the mouse to work out in

Is downright peculiar.

A picture is worth a thousand words.

A picture of a thousand words is worth / chipmunks.

If your first name is wally

And your middle name is wally

And your last name is woo,

Then your name is wally wally woo!

This has been lori beth denberg

With vital information.

♪ This is all that♪

♪ That is all that♪

Hi. Excuse me.

Yes. May I help you?

I'm here to meet a gentleman for dinner.

I see. And what did you say this gentleman looked like?

Well, I'm not sure.

See, it's a blind date, and we've never met.

Ah, I understand.

And what was this gentleman's name?

Um--his name was coach...

[Sound of car skidding]

[Loud thump]

Aaahhhh!

Ya crazy drivin' cab driver!

You nearly knocked coach kreeton to kingdom come!

Ohhhh, god!

Thanks for making my already miserable life

A little bit more miserable!

Demon!

Pardon me.

What? Why did you pokey poke

Coach kreeton's shoulder bone?!

I'm barbara, your blind date.

[Lecherous laugh]

Oh!

Good.

It's nice to meet you, coach kreeton.

It's delightful to make the pleasure

Of your fond acquaintance,

Miss barbara.

Mmmma!

May I seat you two?

Heh heh heh.

Seat us quickly!

Coach kreeton hasn't got all day!

Yes, coach kreeton.

Right this way.

Come on, miss barbara.

Hey, hey--hey.

Madame.

Oh, thank you.

You're welcome.

Don't get fresh with my woman.

Coach kreeton.

Ha!

Oh. What? Aaahhh!

I am sorry, sir.

What's wrong with you?

What kind of crazy maitre dddddd-dee

Yanks a chair out from under a man's butt...

Behind?!

I am sorry, sir. It won't happen again.

Not as sorry as my sad and wasted life!

Now get away.

Coach kreeton, are you all right?

Didn't you just see me fall on my rump?

Oh, my butt behind is throbbing in ways I can't understand.

Well, I'm very excited to be here.

You know, japanese food is my favorite.

And it looks like they're gonna cook dinner right on the table.

Well, I just hope they cook it quick!

Coach kreeton is hungrier than a man oughta be.

Hungry, hungry.

If you're quite done, sir,

Welcome to jakabenni's restaurant.

May I present to you your chef,

Chef o'malley.

Yeah, chef o'malley!

Chef o'malley.

Ya ha.

I am chef o'malley.

[Speaking japanese]

Behold.

[Speaking japanese]

Ooh, look at that.

Chef o'malley, chef o'malley, chef o'malley!

What would you two like for dinner?

I'm gonna have the shrimp.

Shrimp. And for you, sir?

Well, I wanna have the spicy

Jumbo burrrrr-ito!

Look, only serve japanese food here.

All right, tacky suit!

Just give me the japanese beefy chunks!

Very good.

Oh.

Shrimp.

Scrimp, scrimp!

Aw, look at it cook, look at it cook.

All sizzling cook.

Ah!

My eye's been shrimped!

Oh, the pain in my eye is extreme!

Quick, give me that water!

That's hot tea!

Aaahhh!

Oh, my eye is hot!

The pain in my eye is hotter than a man oughta be!

Please, sir, you must sit down.

What?

You crazy shrimp-flinging demon!

I wouldn't have to stand up

If you didn't go and flingety-fling

The spicy hot shrimp

In coach kreeton's vision hole!

Oh, the vision, you see, it's gone now.

It's burning.

What ya sniffing?

Something burning.

Something burning? What's burning?

Aaaahhh!

My hand!

Spatula, spatula!

Oh, no, my hand is burning!

Coach kreeton, look out!

Coach kreeton, are you all right?

Hey, barbara!

Buck!

What are you doing here?

It's none of your business.

You're not my boyfriend anymore.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, my back is broken.

Vertebrae gone!

Oh, my, mercy me!

Who is this clown?

This clown happens to be my date,

And his name is coach kreeton.

That's right, girl.

♪ Player, player oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪♪

Coach kreeton, huh?

So, you're barbara's new boyfriend?

Lookey here, little shorty-worty.

Let me tell you something, shorty lump lump.

You don't...

Aaahhh!

Oh!

Don't, don't!

No, he's so little! No!

No, buck, no!

No!

[Sound of car horns and thump]

Oh, buck, you do love me!

Oh, the life I live is sad.

♪ This is all that ♪♪

Hello, there.

Why, hello!

I'd like to buy some squash.

Have you any squash?

No. But you're in luck,

Because here comes squash boy!

Squash boy?

Yep.

I said,

Here comes squash boy!

Squash boy?

Yep.

Gee, I wonder where squash boy could be.

He should have been here by now.

Kel!

Yes, he should. Kel!

Hello.

Kevin!

What are you doing?

We're on live tv here.

Where is kel?

We can't find kel's squash boy costume.

I gotta look for it.

Just stay here. Do something. Just wait here.

What?

We can't just wait!

Hi.

We're looking for kel's squash boy costume right now.

Uh--he should be here any second.

Should only be a moment.

Really.

This could take a while.

Tomato.

Yeah.

Hey, josh, I bet you can't hit that bell

Right over the audience.

What? That bell?

Yeah.

With this tomato?

That bell? You think you can hit it?

Man, watch me.

Ew, you hit my friend.

Ooh, I'm sorry, sir.

Let me try.

Oh!

I'm hit!

Sorry, ma'am.

Nice sh*t, katrina.

You couldn't hit it either.

One more try.

Hey!

You hit the ninja!

Nice going.

I'm sorry, mr. Ninja.

Here he comes!

Kevin: I found the squash--

[Ninja shouting]

Be careful, josh.

Oh, please don't hurt me, mr. Ninja!

Ee-ya!

Aaahhh!

I think I wet myself.

Hey, clavis! Wake up.

The show's over.

Oh, yeah. Kick it!