03x07 - Doug's New Teacher/Doug on First

[bunniefuu]

[ Yelps]

[ Barks]

[ Electric guitar playing]

[ Man singing scat]

[ Barks]

Cool! Whoa!

[ Thwack]

[ Barks]

[ Humming]

What do you think?

Cool!

Mr. Bone:
your attention please.

Due to unexpected
family business

Mrs. Wingo will
not be teaching this week.

Now, your substitute teacher
will be arriving momentarily

So no monkey business!

That is all.

Substitute teacher--
all right!

Boy:
it's party time.

I've got the perfect
welcoming present.

Huh?

The old crow won't
know what hit her.

Why do you want
to give her a hard time?

Want to--
I have to.

That's what substitutes are for.

Roger!

Doug:
I couldn't take it.

Substitute teachers
can be fun to goof on

But roger went too far.

Roger:
funnie...

What are you doing?

I'm not going
to let you

Use this on
a defenseless old...

Hello, class, I'm ms. Newberry,
your substitute teacher.

Whoa.

Wow.

Oh, don't you think

That's a lot
of amm*nit*on

For just one

Substitute
teacher?

It's not what you think.

I... I...

Huh?

[ Footsteps]

[ Hinge creaks]

[ Barks]

That's me.

Hey!

[ Barks]

[ Yelps]

Ms. Newberry was the most
beautiful teacher I'd ever seen

And I just made
a total fool of myself.

Okay, who wants
to begin by reading

On the bottom of page ?

Class:
oh, oh, me!

Me, me, me, me, me, me!

Okay, how about uh...

Douglas funnie.

Yes! I mean--

Thank you, ms. Newberry.

I had a chance to get
on her good side.

Here you go,
funnie.

"The female firefly waits on the
ground as the male flies above

"Thrashing his tail
to attract her.

The female then
releases a musky..."

We're not reading
from the biology book.

But from the history book.

[ Laughter]

I know
you think

You're clever.

But...

Sit down, please.

Ooh, ooh!

Uh, roger klotz

Would you read

From the
history book?

With pleasure,
ms. Newberry, uh, ma'am.

"The hum... Humiliating defeat
at bellysburg

Began as"--

Is this too loud?

I could speak softer.

No, roger--

You sound
just fine.

"General faucet's
defeat

"Marked the turning
point in the w*r.

"The once celebrated
general was demoted
to private

And was ultimately
traded for prisoners..."

Doug:
she wrote me down
in her notebook

Using a red pencil.

You're
overreacting, man.

I'm sure
it's no big deal.

Ms. Newberry
nailed you.

Yeah, doug--

Everybody's talking.

I don't know
what you did, man.

She seems nice.

She even
likes roger.

You're a sensitive
boy, roger.

What can I do

To get through
to him?

Funnie's always
been trouble.

A good
substitute
teacher

Stays with
a troublemaker.

Troublemaker?

Troublemaker?!

Trouble...

She'll forget
the whole thing

By tomorrow.

You think so?

No, I was
just trying

To make you
feel better.

An apple
for me?

Actually, it's fake.

At least no worms
will crawl out.

Well, uh, thank you, roger.

[ Whistling]

Oh!

[ Class gasps]

I'm sorry, I didn't
want to be late

So I ran as fast as I could
and I guess I didn't see you.

[ Gasps]

"Troublemaker."

What am I going
to do with you,
douglas?

Take your seat, please.

Welcome to
bluffington's most troublesome.

Today we'll be looking
at a good student gone bad.

It seemed like any other day
in the quiet school.

The substitute teacher
was trying her best.

The class was just about
to start their history lesson--

Or so they thought.

[ Class gasping]

Well, well,
ain't this sweet.

[ Gasping]

I got something
to read you--

An interesting
and informative article

Out of naughty boy
magazine.

See?

Class:
ooh.

Douglas!

[ Evil laughing]

Mr. Bone:
if you have any information
on this bad seed

Please call
- - -troublemaker.

It was all I could think about
that whole day and night.

I couldn't even concentrate
on my homework.

Many people think cheese
is a great troublemaker.

No...

There's got to be some way

To convince ms. Newberry
that I'm not a troublemaker.

That's it, porkchop.

I'll make her a card.

That'll show her
I'm not a troublemaker.

[ Barks]

Ms. Newberry:
how sweet.

This is the most beautiful card
I've ever seen, doug.

Do you mind
if I call you doug?

No, ms. Newberry.

You can
call me cecilia.

[ Chuckles]

Good morning, class.

Class:
good morning, ms. Newberry.

Please pass in the homework.

Homework?

Oh, no, what am I going to do?

Thank you... Patti,
thank you... Chalky.

Roger:
here you are.

Why, thank you, roger.

This is
impressive.

Douglas--

May I have your
homework, please?

Uh, yeah, i...

Here.

This isn't
the assignment.

I know, ms. Newberry

But I worked
on it for hours.

I am very
disappointed,
douglas.

Excuse me a minute, class.

You've never been
without your homework.

You're changing, doug.

This isn't like you.

What's she doing?

I want you
to take this note

And go see
mr. Shelacki.

The guidance counselor?

Please, douglas,
you'll thank me later.

Only serious troublemakers
went to the guidance counselor.

Take two hugs

With a big glass
of courage.

Call me in the morning--
bye-bye.

Let's see, who do we have here?

Douglas yancey funnie.

Yancey--
I like that name!

Yancey-- let's say it
aloud together.

Yancey yance-- come on, now.

I hate my middle name.

Ooh, we're making progress.

Doesn't it feel better when
we're honest with ourselves?

But...

Young man

You need to reach down
deep, deep, deep

And grab on to yancey.

Yancey is the
good kid inside you

Trying to get out.

Tell that troublemaker to flee.

I'm not a troublemaker--
I'm a good kid.

Unfortunately, kid,
that's what they all say.

So we're going to have

A little parent-teacher
conference.

Parent-teacher
conference?

Mm-hmm--
this will help put doug

Into the yancey mobile

And cruise him down
the road to smiletown.

[ Groaning]

I can't believe it--
a parent-teacher conference.

There's nothing worse
than that.

Boy, I'd hate

To be in your shoes

When your
parents find out.

Your son

Is the biggest
troublemaker

Of my entire
teaching career.

Let's get
this over with.
Where did we go wrong?

[ Sobbing:]
if only he could've been
more like roger klotz.

I can't go along with this.

I'm not a troublemaker.

I know, but how do you
get ms. Newberry

To buy that?

I don't know

But I've got
to do something!

[ Gulps]

Ms. Newberry:
come in.

Douglas--
what are you

Doing here?

Um, ms. Newberry,
I'm not what you think.

I'm not a troublemaker.

I never tried
to be a problem.

I promise from this moment on
to be the same kid I always was

Before you thought

I was somebody else.

Yeah, well... I guess
I'd better get going.

Hmm...

Cheer up, doug.

You gave it
your best shot.

No, you were right, skeet.

She just stared at me like
I was the awfulest kid on earth.

Newberry:
douglas.

Now I'm really
in trouble.

I have something
to say to you.

I'm sorry about coming
into the teachers' lounge.

Look you, you think
you're such a tough guy.

But want to know
what I think?

I think that
deep down inside

You're a good kid

And if you can just
listen to your heart

You're going
to be all right.

Despite what the manual says

I'll make you a deal.

Try and bring
the good doug out

And I'll forget about

Tomorrow's
parent-teacher
conference.

Uh, yeah!

Deal.

This will be our little secret.

I learned a lot
as the class troublemaker:

Don't be too quick
to judge somebody else

And first impressions
aren't always right.

Roger, I'm so glad
I bumped into you.

You are?

Yes, can you come in
early tomorrow

To clean
the blackboard?

Come in early to help you?

No problem.

No-- mrs. Wingo.

She's back.

She'll be
so happy.

Great!

Oh, boy.

[ Cheering]

Announcer:
no outs here
in the top of the seventh

With the pulverizers
up seven to six.

Mayonnaise looks to first
to hold the runner.

The windup, the pitch...

It's a line drive.

Funnie scoops it up
and throws to second.

She's out!

Valentine throws to first.

Umpire:
your out!

Announcer:
yes, it's a double play!

Dear journal,
when baseball season starts

I get this tingly feeling

Mostly because
I'm sweating so much.

Score! Touchdown! Yay!

Also I'm usually embarrassed
with my parents there and all.

Hey, who's
that hyper lady?

Um, beats me.

We formed our own team last
season and we're pretty good

Especially with patti pitching.

She's our best player.

Strike three,
you're out!

[ Crowd cheering]

We won, dad!

See my
double play?

It isn't fair to let patti
do all the pitching, is it?

My boy's a born pitcher.

Oh, they're only kids.

They can't be expected

To run their
own team.

But we won.

[ Arguing]

[ Footsteps]

[ Hinge creaks]

[ Barks]

That's me.

Hey!

[ Barks]

[ Yelps]

Our parents figured
we weren't mature enough

To manage our own baseball team

So they decided
to manage it themselves.

Mr. Valentine:
skeeter's got great
baseball instincts.

I hope we can agree
on how to run the team.

As long as my boy pitches.

Let's not go making demands.

Beebe's therapist
says she will suffer

Acute emotional damage

If she is not
allowed to pitch.

Mr. Valentine:
my son may not have
a fancy shrink

But at least he can throw a...

Mrs. Bluff:
baseball.

What do you think
they're doing?

I guess they're
discussing strategy.

We should let the kids
run their own team--

As long as they're enjoying it.

It's only game.

Easy for you to say.

Your kid's doing all the...

Pitching?

Mrs. Bluff:
you're so selfish.

[ General arguing]

What is going on
in here?

We were just
discussing
whose child

Should be the pitcher.

I don't know beans
about baseball

But it seems to me

That this will
only be resolved

If the kids take
turns pitching.

Good one, theda.

It's settled.

But patti's
our best pitcher.

It'll be a disaster.

Skunky pitching?
Or connie?

Or me?

[ Cheering]

Patti:
fire it in there, doug!

Come on, no pressure, doug!

Ball four.

Poor doug, another walk.

What's the score?

A bajillion to nothing.

We're playing the
honkers next week.

Without patti's pitching
we have no chance.

What'll we do?

Mr. Funnie:
just spread your index and
middle fingers a little further.

Now throw
the funnie fireball.

It's a secret w*apon

That's been in the family
for generations.

But I can barely
hold it this way.

Come on, zip it on
in there, southpaw.

Ow! What the...

Ooh, hello there, phil.

This yours?

Hi, bud.

Sorry, I'm just teaching
my boy the funnie fireball.

The ancient springtime
rite of passage.

The father handing down
the ancient lore

Showing his son how to throw
the fury bunny ball.

Funnie fireball!

Whatever.

I wouldn't know a
baseball if it hit me.

Actually, I would,
because one just did.

But I digress.

Got to go-- see you!

Everyone thinks

I'm a really good
first baseman.

I should play
first base...

Son, come here.

You see this?

That's me, the
number-two pitcher

The year I invented
the funnie fireball.

I know you'll make
a great pitcher.

It's in the blood.

But dad, patti's
a much better...

There are no buts
in baseball.

As for patti, she's
a great friend, right?

But that can't
influence you.

You're a born pitcher.

Trust me.

I wanted to play first base.

I wanted patti to pitch.

I wanted to win games.

Dad was the one who
wanted me to be a pitcher.

[ Door slams]

Doug:
guess what?

I'm a major-league
first baseman.

That's wonderful.

I won the
world series.

Fantastic.

I signed a zillion
dollar contract.

Great.

But you know
what's really great?

What's that?

I've won the nobel prize.

For pitching?

No, dad,
for peace

Oh.

Dad, dad, what do
you want from me?

Couldn't you have
been a pitcher

Like your old man?

[ Sobs]

Is your dad
going to make
you pitch?

Yeah.

I wish you
could always
pitch, patti.

See you guys
at the game.

See you!
See you!

We're going to get
creamed by the honkers

All because
of our parents.

We can still
beat the honkers.

Skeeter's got an okay arm
and you're arm's... Not bad.

Really?

You never know until you try.

Hey, maybe I can pitch.

Announcer:
what a game, folks.

With two out
and the bases loaded

First baseman funnie
has been moved to pitcher.

Hey, you sure this
funnie kid can pitch?

Hey, trust me.

[ Grunts]

Ball four!

Doug funnie walks in the winning
run to lose the game.

Stick to first base, funnie.

Who was I trying to kid?

I was no pitcher.

The game was going
to be a disaster.

So there we were, about to play
our old rivals, the honkers.

Our parents were there
to cheer us on

So someone was excited.

Patti, you can do it!

Attaboy, skeeter-- go get 'em!

Maybe it's not
too late

To buy beebe
her own team.

Play ball!

Announcer:
connie benge, up to throw.

Hey, squeaky.

Hey, chalky,
watch your head.

Huh?

Yeesh!

Told you.

Things didn't go so hot
for connie.

[ Grunts]

Whoa!

[ Crowd groaning]

[ Grunts]

[ Screams]

Ball four--
take your base.

Announcer:
the batter walks... Again.

I want to go back
to playing outfield.

Now, don't worry
about speed, son.

Just throw... Throw...

Strikes?

Yeah, these clowns
couldn't hit a beach ball.

Okay, dad.

Nice, soft strikes.

Announcer:
and valentine takes the mound.

He looks for the signal,
winds up and he...

Lobs it.

Bledsoe swings
and it's out of here!

Things didn't go too well
for skeeter either.

Announcer:
another home run...
And the honkers lead to four.

A few of those funnie
fireballs I showed you

And we'll be
out of this jam.

Hey, funnie--
nyah, nyah, nyah!

Announcer:
funnie's on the mound.

Klotz is up to bat.

He's pointing to the fence!

So this was it.

Everybody was counting on me--
my dad, the team, everyone.

It was all up to me.

What am I doing here?

I'm not a pitcher.

I'm a first baseman.

Time!!

Announcer:
and a time-out
for the pulverizers.

They seem to be
discussing something.

And here they come.

Are you sure
about this?

Announcer:
it looks like patti mayonnaise
will now be pitching.

Mayonnaise winds up...
The throw...

[ Grunts]

Oh, it flies right by klotz!

Strike one!

Announcer:
he never saw it coming!

Whoa!

Strike two!

Strike three!

You're out!

After patti took the mound

Our team came back
to gain the lead

And in the final inning...

Announcer:
and the pulverizers
win the game!

With patti pitching, we beat the
honkers for the first time ever.

[ Cheering]

Two, four, six, eight,
who do we appreciate?

Honkers, honkers-- yay honkers!

Great game, patti.

Patti, I want to
congratulate you.

You're a terrific
pitcher.

Thanks, mr. Funnie.

And as for you,
young man.

If you're going
to play first base

You'll need
a bigger mitt.

Thanks, dad.

I'm glad I stuck to first base.

Sometimes you just have to do
what you think you're good at

And not run around trying
to please other people.