03x02 - Doug is sl*ve for a Day/Doug Rocks the Ho

[bunniefuu]

[ Yelps]

[ Barks]

[ Electric guitar playing]

[ Man singing scat]

[ Barks]

Cool! Whoa!

[ Thwack]

[ Barks]

[ Sea gull screeches]

[ Plodding drumbeats]

[ Men moan and groan]

Doug:
you know, being a sl*ve
has its ups and downs...

[ Growls]

But a sl*ve's misery is
determined by his master.

[ Whip cracks]

Ow!

Woman:
uh-uh-uh-uh.

In my case

It was the worst kind of
master-- the sister kind.

No, no, no, dougie.

Not until you finish rowing
and swab my room

And weigh the anchor

And bung up
the baggywrinkle...

[ Hinge creaks]

[ Barks]

That's me.

Hey!

[ Barks]

[ Yelps]

[ Cheering]

It all started when I did
something really, really stupid.

[ Barks]

Hit me, hit me, I'm open.

Oops!

Whoa... Whoa... Whoa!

Whoa...

Uh-oh.

But what made this
even worse was...

Huh?

[ Gasps]

My sister judy saw
the whole thing.

Well, well, well,
little brother.

I suppose you know
mom will disown you.

[ Laughs nervously]

You're not going to tell mom

Are you?

Tell mom?

[ Gasps]

Why, dougie,
I'm surprised at you.

To think that I'd keep this
from our loving mother.

Please, judy,
you can't tell on me.

If mom finds out,
she'll k*ll me.

If you don't tell on me,
I'll... I'll...

I'll do anything.

Anything!

Anything?

Here... And here...
And here...

And if you could
just initial here.

There we are.

Now, what did I just sign?

Oh, just a formality.

This is merely a contract

Outlining that
for one week

Starting saturday
at :

You, doug funnie,
shall be

My personal sl*ve.

And you won't tell mom?

Why, doug, with this
contract, I can't.

Not if as long as you
do everything I say.

At first, being judy's
personal sl*ve wasn't so bad.

[ Clears throat]

Coming right up.

Oh!

[ Yells]

[ Growls]

I did her chores,
cleaned her room--

You know, the basics.

[ Yelps]

[ Snoring]

But the things she had me do
got weirder and weirder.

Judy:
yoo-hoo, doug.

You can draw.

Alter all these t-shirts.

Alter?

Yes, derrick derekson
has grown a beard.

Then reorganize
my bookshelf

According to the number
of words in a book.

A fat book can be deceiving--
beware of the large print.

Then color coordinate my berets

And regroove my
record collection.

[ Snoring]

What the...?

Hey, you.

Ha-ha!

[ Gasps]

I don't think you'll be
needing this anymore.

Curses!

[ Cheering]

Aren't you're taking this
too far, judy?

I don't know.

Maybe we should let
mom and dad decide that.

We'll tell them
how you smashed...

Okay, okay,
you win.

Anything else you
want to discuss?

Nothing, judy.

Uh-uh-uh.

[ Sighing:]
no, judy, queen
of the universe.

That's better.

Ciao.

Hey, pork.

Is doug around?

[ Banging on ceiling]

Huh?
Huh?

Doug?

What the...?

What's up, man?

Nice outfit.

Real funny.

This is judy's new dress.

I'm "bohemianizing" it.

"Bohemianizing" it?

Well, you know,
wrinkling them

Wearing them in.

That sure is nice of you.

Nice, nothing!

Judy has some dirt on me

And I have to be her
personal sl*ve for a whole week.

My brother has one on me, too.

Good thing he can't talk yet.

The good thing is
my sentence is through tomorrow.

She even made me
sign a contract.

Judy:
oh, there you are.

I was looking for you.

What's this?

A notice.

While your friend is here

Maybe he'll help
move my brick collection

Up to the attic.

"This is to notify doug funnie

"He is in breach of contract

"With judy funnie

In accordance with clause
of that contract."

Judy:
clause :
no whistling

While working
near judy funnie.

Remember whistling
while re-skinning
my bongos?

That was wheezing.

I had a cold.

What does
this mean?

You have not fulfilled
our contract.

So?

So that means

That there must be
some compensation

On the part
of you to me.

And what would
that be?

Page eight,
last paragraph.

"Therefore, in compensation
for said breach

"Doug funnie shall serve

An additional week of servitude
to judy funnie, so there"?

That's good,
right?

Huh?

I mean, bad...
Very bad.

For another week?

No way, judy.

You're not suckering
me in again.

Stick with our deal.

There's nothing I can do,
doug.

It's the contract.

Oh, I know.

Maybe we can get
mom to arbitrate.

She'll decide
what's fair.

Mo...!

All right, judy,
all right.

Come on, skeeter
and porkchop.

Man:
meet doug funnie.

He's his sister's sl*ve
and he doesn't like it.

Meet judy funnie.

She's got her brother
over a barrel

And there's nothing
he can do.

It's the case
of the reluctant flunky

Today on family court.

Well, douglas,
looks like you're sunk.

Next case!

[ Laughs maniacally]

[ Sighs]

Porkchop, how did I ever
get myself into this mess?

Mom:
judith, you're not
going to that party

Until you clear
your old costumes

Out of
the basement.

Judy:
don't worry, mother,
it'll get done.

And I'll tell
you what--

How about if we give
the whole basement

A good scrubdown?

Why, judith

That's so
sweet of you.

Oh, believe me, mother,
it's really no problem.

Because iwill be doing it.

This contract has me stuck

Serving judy for my entire life

Because of this
legal mumbo-jumbo.

Listen to this stuff.

"Point ,
contract shall be

Null and void
in the event..."

Null and void.

Why not say
"worthless"?

"Contract shall
be worthless
in the event..."

Huh?

An out, porkchop.

It's right here.

It was so simple.

I should have thought of it
a long time ago.

Judy:
oh, dougie, before I forget,
you need to clear out

All my old costumes
from the basement

And give it a good scrubdown.

Nope.

Uh-uh-uh.

Remember our deal.

It's all there.

Point , read.

"Contract shall be null and void

"Should the parties'
parents find out

About party one's mishap."

In other words,
once they find out

I'm off the hook.

But I haven't
said a word.

But I have.

I told her.

I should have done
that first.

Mom didn't care
about this thing.

She didn't even know
what it was.

She grounded me for a week

For waiting so long
to tell her.

Doug, mother said
I couldn't go out

Unless that
basement was done.

Q phillips is giving
a big party.

I must go
to that party!

You've got to do this.

If you do, I'll do...

I'll do...

Anything?

I decided to help judy out

And she had a wonderful time
at q phillips' party.

As for being grounded for a week

Well, under the circumstances,
it hasn't been so bad.

Judy, I'm done with this page.

Yes, doug.

Uh-uh-uh.

Yes, your royal king
high-muckety-muckness.

Well, then you can dust
my comics

Draw porkchop's bath,
tune my banjo

Arrange my rock collection

And organize
my beet trading cards

Oil my softball glove...

[ Laughing and glass breaking]

Roger:
stand back.

Dear journal, what a day.

We were on our way to school

When we bumped into...

Let's see if you
can do this, funnie.

Say good-bye
to that window.

Doug:
ha-ha, good one, roger.

[ Kids laughing]

Good shot, roger.

Yeah, good shot.

We'll see
you later.

Let's see you
break some glass.

[ Footsteps]

[ Hinge creaks]

[ Barks]

That's me.

Hey!

[ Barks]

[ Yelps]

Suddenly, the window seemed
a lot farther away.

Um... Well, um...
Well, I don't think...

Are you chicken?

Well, if we
had permission...

Well, sure
I'd throw it.

You got it, kid.

This house
is history.

Mighty nice of you
to ask though.

Most boys
wouldn't bother.

Well, don't mention it.

Hurry up.

We don't want
patti to miss this.

[ Doug swallows hard]

Now I had to hit that window.

Well, here goes nothing.

Ha-ha.

Nice shot, deadeye.

Wow!

[ Cheering]

Nice throw, huh, patti?

Doug funnie, you're terrible.

[ Kids laughing]

Why would patti
get so mad at me?

I kept thinking
about it all day.

Why does she think
I'm terrible?

[ Imitating rocket]

[ Rocket explodes]

Hey, did you hear?

[ Imitating expl*si*n]

He demolished
a whole house!

I just knocked down a house.

What's the big deal?

Great throw, doug.

How could that possibly
make her mad?

And roger couldn't even hit
the window.

[ Laughing]

What could have made her
so angry?

Aw, man.

Hey, you got
all the good rocks.

Bogus!

Huh?
Huh?

Excuse me, boys.

Mind if I try?

Sure thing,
mr, funnie.

[ All gasp]

[ Gasps]

[ Cheering]

Roger:
unbelievable!

Doug funnie,
you're terrible.

I just can't figure it out.

What did I do?

Knock down
a whole house!

Can I have
your autograph?

Make it out to rusty.

Sure, here you go.

Hey, beebe.

That homework was...

There she is, skeet.

I've got to talk to her.

Patti, look,
I'm sorry...

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have
gotten mad.

What did you say?

I'm sorry.

Really?

That's great.

I didn't know
why you were mad.

To david.

All I did was knock down
some cruddy old house.

Some cruddy old house?

Thanks, mr. Funnie.

Pretty proud of
yourself, aren't you?

These kids need
someone to look up to.

Forget it.

You want me
to find out

What's wrong
with patti?

Could you?

Sure, sign this
for me first.

It's been taken care of.

Oh!

[ Sighs]

Oh, man.

So beebe,
what did she say?

I'm not speaking to you.

Why are you not speaking
to me?

I can't tell you.

I'm not speaking
to you.

I don't understand.

Whatever you're doing,
keep it up

And the marching band
will do a tribute to you.

You're the most
popular kid in school.

Except with patti.

And beebe.

Could you sign this
for my brother?

Excuse me.

I've got to find patti.

[ Kids greet doug]

Look, doug...

Make it out
to jimmy.

Patti, what's going on?

There isn't anything
to discuss.

Beebe said...

Beebe? I didn't say...

No need to lie.

Well, you didn't even
let me finish my sentence.

I'm sorry, doug.

Go ahead.

Say, could you
excuse us?

I forgot
what I was going to say.

That's just fine
with me.

Yeah, well, me, too.

Me, too.

Me, too!

What happened, doug?

What'd she do?

Acted crazy and
spilled her papers

And expects me
to pick them up.

You've got problems.

Wait a minute.

Why does this
look familiar?

Oh, that's the house
you wrecked.

What?

Patti moved out
two years ago

After her mom died.

Didn't you know that?

Say, do you think maybe
that's the reason she's upset

Because you
destroyed her house?

Doug:
why didn't you tell me?

Skeeter:
I thought you knew.

How was I supposed
to know?

Well,
everybody does.

I just moved here.

I know that, doug.

I'm your best
friend, remember?

She's not the only
one who ever moved.

Yeah.

Well, I'll see
you, buddy.

I got to
get home.

I had to move, too

And I'm not getting
bent out of shape.

[ Growls]

It's not like she was
living in it at the time.

I could see her getting mad
if some guy did that.

Who would have him
autograph a rock?

Well, no one, that's who.

Then I noticed the height chart
from our old house

The one my mom started
when I was born.

Stand up real
straight and tall.

That a way, cowboy.

Giddyap!

Are you all
packed up, doug?

Do we have to move?

Oh, honey, don't worry.

You're going
to love bluffington.

No, I won't.

[ Roger and kids talking]

Break them!

[ Cheering]

Whoa!

[ Cheering]

Boy, now I know how she feels.

Come on, porkchop.

[ Barks]

We had to find something patti
could remember her old house by.

[ Sighs]

Well, maybe this wasn't
such a great idea.

[ Porkchop barks]

Way to go, porkchop.

That's perfect.

I got to patti's apartment
as the streetlights came on.

Hey, doug.

Mr. Mayonnaise

I'm sorry about
what I did.

I didn't even know
what I did

Until after I did it.

Whoa, slow down.

Let me start again.

Hello, mr. Mayonnaise.

Is patti home?

Doug, she is

But she doesn't
feel well now.

Oh, well, if you could...

Tell her

I'll see her at school

And I'm sorry I bothered you.

How could I be so dumb?

I don't blame her for hating me.

Patti:
doug, wait!

Wait a second.

I didn't mean to
knock down your house.

I just threw a rock.

If you never want
to speak to me again...

Doug, wait.

Um..., Uh...

What?

Maybe... Maybe I'm the one
who should be sorry.

You're not mad?

No, doug, i...

What's that?

It's for you.

It's something

I thought would
help you remember...

The pattersons?

The pattersons?

It's our next-door
neighbors' door knocker.

Boy, I can't even get
the right door knocker.

No, doug.

I'd like to keep it,
if that's okay.

To remind you
of how dumb I am?

No... To remind me
of how sweet you are.

Huh?

While you can wreck
a whole house with just one rock

It takes more than that
to wreck a friendship.

[ Gasps]

Wow!

Wow, nice shot,
porkchop.

Wait a minute!

That's myslingshot.

Have you been in my stuff?

Don't give me
that "who me?" Look.

I caught you red-handed
and now you're going to pay up.

Because people who...