I'm Kev.
Flora.
I'm gonna be riding you later.
No, you won't.
- Hi, how are you?
- Flora. How are ya?
I'm good.
Good girl, Flora.
- Mornin'.
- Oh, f*ck.
Told ya.
Do you go to Shifters much, love, yeah?
Yeah, all me life. Great club.
Listen,
will I whip us up something for breakfast?
A little fry maybe, you know?
Where's the fridge?
There's nothing in it. Me son eats it all.
There's a son?
Yeah.
- Where is he?
- Don't know.
Supposed to be in school.
Could be anywhere.
I told you all about this last night,
in the taxi?
You said you were cool with that?
Shut the door on the way out.
Have you committed any antisocial behavior
- in the last few months of your life?
- No way, Guard.
Have you received any stolen goods
to the best of your knowledge?
Absolutely not, Guard.
Have you stolen any goods?
Not that I got caught with.
- Answer him properly, you f*cking idiot.
- f*ck.
- How did you get the black eye?
- Fighting.
Did you never think
of joining the boxing club, Max?
No. They only wanted me to clean up,
mop spit off the floor.
- I'm not doing that.
- That's how Rocky started.
They have a new cycling group
in Mount Vernon.
Don't have a bike.
He sold it for a secondhand laptop
so he could play video games.
That's not all I do on it.
Watch p*rn on it too.
The Juvenile Liaison program
is designed to keep young people
out of the court system,
and so out of prison.
And we all know what they do
to pretty young lads like you in prison.
They anally r*pe them, Max.
We'll leave it there, son.
But I'm warning you now,
you're headed in that direction
with a string of offenses
the length of me arm.
One more offense
and you'll be behind bars.
Flora, find him something to do.
Something to keep
those light fingers occupied, yeah?
Yikes. Look at you,
you big chocolate head.
Oh, yeah, sorry.
She found some in the kitchen.
No worries.
- How was your workout?
- Amazing. How am I doing?
- You look amazing.
- Yay.
Okay, Flora, you're free to go. Thanks.
Right. Here's your baby.
Thanks so much, Aishling.
See ya, Sorcha. See you Monday.
- Bye now!
- Thanks again!
No, thanking you!
Come here.
- Yeah, all right.
- You ready?
How much to fix this guitar up?
Let me see...
Tighten the truss rod, a set of strings,
two new machine heads.
- Sixty euro?
- f*ck off.
Eighteen euro.
Do it.
Hiya.
What's that?
It's a piano.
Whose is it?
Wait, now, how many kids do I have?
Well, let's see. One?
It's yours.
Where'd you get it?
Who cares where it came from?
It's a guitar. It makes music.
You used to be dead into music.
Happy birthday.
You f*cking robbed it
from one of the houses, didn't you?
No, I didn't rob it. Play it.
- Don't want to play.
- Why not?
- Since when am I a guitarist?
- Since now!
- Jesus. You didn't even buy it for me.
- How do you know? Maybe I did.
Well, did ya?
No. But why does that matter?
Me whole life, you never get me anything.
Then you come home
with this dusty piece of sh*t
the day after me birthday,
and expect me
to turn into Ed f*cking Sheeran?
- It's a gift. Who cares?
- I don't want it.
- It's a crock of f*cking sh*t.
- You ungrateful prick.
And you're a daft slag
who never gave anyone anything.
Don't talk to me like that,
you little prick.
c**t.
You came out of my c**t,
you ungrateful little animal.
One day I'm gonna surprise you
and smash into your f*cking face!
You'll be behind bars before that!
- Good. Away from you!
- Go on!
Go back to your da!
You forgot your f*cking present.
Hey, Da.
Come here, little man.
I'm in the Lamborghini.
- Flora.
- Ian.
Heard about the guitar episode.
So you had a little Harry Styles
on your hands, was it?
Who knows what he could be?
I mean, look at the genes.
It's not about the genes.
It's about dreams.
I gave up my musical dreams for him.
And you. You're welcome.
Here we go.
You do know we were on the same billing
as Snow Patrol the night you and I met?
Course I did. It's why I f*cked ya.
To think where I could be now,
if things hadda been different.
Mountjoy, Portlaoise, Cloverhill.
Pick a prison.
Very funny.
Go on, you'd better go.
They'll clamp your f*cking broomstick.
Anyway, I might learn the guitar meself.
Okay.
Could be you're not the only genius
in this family.
Sorry, but you playing the guitar?
That's just too funny.
- Why?
- 'Cause it takes dedication,
years of practice, sweat, commitment.
It's not just an overnight transformation
on some f*cking reality TV show.
Took 20 years to build up them calluses.
Are you really gonna talk to me
about commitment?
Where is she?
At a nail bar, getting a manicure?
Or at the surgery,
getting a Brazilian arse lift?
She doesn't need one, love.
You're disgusting.
And don't just sit on the couch
smoking weed and playing video games.
And her arse isn't that amazing!
Just FYI!
Hey.
- Flora.
- Juanita.
- Awkward.
- Not for me.
I've been there. You're welcome to him.
Thanks. See ya.
Hasta luego.
f*cking hell.
I can't go on like this.
Okay. Let's go.
No. I mean, in life.
This can't be my story.
Living in a shoebox
with a kid who hates me,
and his da who doesn't see me.
This can't be my narrative.
He rejected your prezzie. So what?
You didn't even buy it, in fairness,
and you forgot his birthday.
But you are a great mother.
Am I?
I watch those news stories
about kids gone missing and police hunts,
and I feel for those parents.
But sometimes,
I wouldn't mind that so much.
I wouldn't want anything bad
to happen to him, but sometimes,
I'd love to come home
and he just wasn't there.
Okay, I take it back.
You are a f*cking psycho. I gotta go.
See ya in Shifters later?
Have I ever said no to that question?
See, there's something to look forward to.
See ya, Flora.
That smoky voice... That is one heck
of a little vehicle you have there.
You are sparkling like
the diamond we always knew you were.
Just watching you sell
the emotion of the song
is one of the most impressive things
I've seen since I've been judging.
Tremendous job.
Start your journey.
The f*ck?
Hello, chaps. Welcome, once again.
If you are a beginner guitarist,
there's a really high chance
that you are making
one of these five mistakes.
Then I had, you know, a period of time
where I was just practicing that
for just a whole weekend, in my pajamas.
There's only one way
to become a Jeff Beck, a Jimmy Page.
Let me tell you.
This is how you might
imagine a typical guitar progress curve.
Once you've put in your 10,000 hours,
you're officially
a professional guitarist.
- Oh, no.
- The three P's:
practice, practice, practice, practice.
So, let's go with the four P's.
I'm gonna teach you music theory
in ten minutes.
What up, YouTube?
Your boy, ZR, ready to teach you
how to shred the gnar on guitar.
Hi again. Miss Allison here.
- Now it's your turn!
- What are you wearing?
Well, let me tell you,
you are about to embark on a relationship
that will last you a lifetime.
One of joy and calm and peace.
A guitar is a lot like a bicycle.
You put a little bit into it,
and you get a hell of a lot out.
But this is just by way of an introduction
to lessons with me.
Let's all just sit here and think
about that for a second.
About the potential that's already there
in the room with you right now.
If you wanna learn to play,
just hit that button there and sign up.
Bye.
Twenty f*cking dollars?
Perfect.
Got magic
Abra da Cabra
Got magic
Abra da Cabra
That's very nice, girls. Very nice.
Serious charms
I got serious f*ckin' charms
Red hot girls buzz around in swarms
Round me neck
Hangin' off me arms
Serious g*ns, I got serious g*ns
Blap, blap, blap...
Come on. It's dinner time.
Got wand, got whip
Got honey, got grip
Got money, got wow!
Got sh*t, so what? No worry
Got God on me payroll...
See ya, Samantha.
Got girls appearing
From the North Side
It looks brilliant.
f*ck! This is crazy.
Flying like eagles. And... sh*t...
Right, I'm going out.
To where? To that lot you were with today?
No, just off to Rhys's house,
then over to the precinct for a bit.
You're not going to do some BASE jumping
off some buildings or something?
No. We don't have a GoPro anyway.
'Cause the last thing I want
is the Guards calling here,
telling me you've fallen off
a tower block or something.
And you're dead. And gone.
Be back at 9:00!
- For what?
- Because I f*cking say so.
I can't wait for the day
I don't have to be here.
The only reason you're here
is 'cause your da wants his days off
for his projects.
Otherwise you'd be with him 24-7,
trust me.
If you don't want me here,
why do I have to be back at 9:00?
Don't play mind games with me. Get out.
Hey, Flora, are you my 12:00 p.m.?
Yeah.
How are you?
I'm all right. How are you?
Yeah, sun is shining in Los Angeles.
I can smell the eucalyptus
on the breeze, so can't complain.
Yeah, lovely here in Dublin too.
Is it evening there?
No, it's just permanently this grim.
So, you wanna learn the guitar.
Is it easy?
Depends what you wanna do with it.
Do you want to
just play for your own pleasure,
or you wanna play for other people,
you wanna write songs on it
or learn your favorite songs?
What are you hoping to get out of this?
I look at women playing the guitar
or the piano, and it's so sexy.
Wow. I guess that is
why a lot of people take up an instrument.
- Is that why you took it up?
- No.
No, you look pretty good.
Wouldn't say you need it.
- Okay.
- So why'd you start then?
Let's focus on you, all right?
Good plan.
Okay. So, let's sit it up there.
I'll teach you some root chords.
Let's start with G.
Ready?
- Brilliant.
- Okay.
So how many chords do you need to know
before you can write a song?
It's not really
about the number of chords.
It's more, you know, how you use them.
Like... Here.
Okay. Same song.
Jesus.
Yeah, so the first version,
it uses all the same,
you know, paints and canvas and brushes.
But the second version has got 20 years
of life and heartache on display.
You can see all the brushstrokes.
All that personality's
in the same three chords.
And you can know a thousand chords
and never write something
as beautiful as that.
Is that your problem?
I didn't know I had a problem.
You're teaching guitar online, love.
- Right. You're Irish.
- So do you know a thousand chords?
What I'm saying is,
we all know the same number of words,
but we don't all write
a Shakespeare sonnet.
I'm confused.
Good. What are your goals?
Besides being sexy.
Impress people.
- Who?
- Men.
- Why?
- Sex and company.
Yeah, but what else?
To make them like me.
- Why don't they like you already?
- I don't know.
Maybe they can't see your brushstrokes.
Are you coming on to me?
- Sorry?
- So you're a songwriter too?
- How do you know that?
- Google.
Took about six seconds.
Where do you live in LA?
I live in Topanga Canyon.
I heard of that. I bet you drive
a pickup and work with horses.
I do not work with horses.
What's your star sign?
- I don't know.
- You don't know your own birthday?
Let's get back to the lesson, all right?
Let me ask you, do you consider yourself
a big music person?
I mean,
I was always very attracted to musicians.
I married one. He was on
the same bill as Snow Patrol once.
No, I'm asking, what are you doing here,
Flora, if music's not really your thing?
I liked the look of ya.
Okay.
All the other teachers seemed
like real posers and wankers,
you know, failed musicians.
But you seemed sorta...
real.
I am real.
You sorta calmed me down
when I saw you for the first time.
Your voice was all soothing. Like a bath.
Right.
Can I ask you something?
- Sure.
- You might find it a little bit weird.
Could you play
that same song again, but this time...
with your shirt off?
Dear Jeff, I'm sorry
for messing around on our last lesson.
Suffice to say that wine had been taken.
I do intend to learn the guitar
and take it seriously. Why? I don't know.
I was always the one in class
making fun of the teacher.
Because someone had to.
But I won't, if you'll keep teaching me.
Sorry I objectified ya.
I can send you a picture
of my amazing tits
to balance things out again,
if you'd like? Flora.
Right, now, let's get
that shite off your arse.
Ready?
What is that?
- What are you doing though? It's annoying.
- Shut up!
f*cking woman.
f*ck.
- Right, I'm going out.
- Good.
I mean, where?
Just around.
You gonna be hanging out with
that girl I've seen you with?
The one dressed up like
a prost*tute in your man's video?
Samantha? Don't know, she could be there.
What's she like?
Don't know. Don't really care.
Right, back at 9:00.
Or 10:00!
If you like.
Hiya.
Can't believe you got back to me.
Well, you're a challenge.
I like a challenge. Should we get started?
Let's rock.
All right.
Flora, let's get to know you a bit better.
What is your all-time favorite song?
I'm more into dance music.
"You're Beautiful" by James Blunt.
Okay, we're gonna have a problem.
- Why?
- That's not an acceptable song.
It's catchy.
So was cholera.
I don't know that one.
If you're gonna be learning to play songs,
we're just gonna need
to raise the bar a little bit.
- What have you written then?
- I'm a teacher.
Exactly. So shut up criticizing Blunt.
- You do it.
- Do what?
Write a song that reaches millions
of people's hearts and makes them weep.
Making people cry is not an achievement.
Bullies do it every day.
Let's hear one of your songs then.
Lyrics need to be more
than just "you're beautiful"
or some series of platitudes
for lonely women,
trying to make 'em feel better
about themselves.
That's not a love song.
That's a self-help group.
You don't know the first thing
about women if you think that.
I know that grown-ups don't want
to be told how pretty they are
like some creep trying
to pick 'em up at a bar.
Jesus Christ, it's just a bloody song.
No. It is never just a song.
It is a three-and-a-half-minute
pause in time
in which to do something wonderful,
something touched by God.
Oh, no. Are you some sort
of Christian evangelist dude?
I get along without you
Very well
Of course, I do
Except when soft rains fall
And drip from leaves, then I recall
The thrill of being sheltered
In your arms
Of course, I do
But I get along without you
Very well
- Jesus Christ.
- Right?
- That's unbelievable.
- So simple, so direct.
Nothing about beauty.
You are a genius.
So you really like it?
It's stunning. You've got to get
that out there in the world.
You think that would sell as much as
"You're Beautiful"?
Maybe not as much as that. I mean, I still
like the other song too. Is that allowed?
No, that's Stockholm syndrome.
We're gonna "de-brainwash" you.
By the time we're finished here,
you're not gonna have time
for these childish jingles and clichs.
- I'm exhausted.
- Well, we're just getting started.
You wanna learn the chords to that song
so you can play it?
- Yeah.
- All right. Starts with C.
So, your ring finger,
here on the fifth string.
Right there at that dot. Yep.
You have lovely long fingers.
Mine are quite stubby.
Your fingers don't matter.
Django Reinhardt was missing two fingers.
- Wow. I love him.
- Uh-huh.
So, the middle finger there,
then your pointer's way up here.
Yep.
- There. And there?
- There you go. One up. Strum that.
Yeah! Yeah.
- Feels good, right?
- Yeah, baby!
Sorry.
- What's that?
- Nothing. I love this.
You're a quick learner.
I knew I'd be good at this.
Let's move on. What else you got?
Well, next would be G and then F,
but let's stick for a second on C.
Okay, let's.
You are now the proud owner of C, right?
And you didn't own that five minutes ago.
You're rich.
You own something Elvis owned.
- I'd rather have his plane.
- Plus, it didn't cost you anything.
Well, $20 for this class,
but I do know what you mean. Go on.
You own something new,
and nobody can take it away from you.
And this isn't just some must-have object.
It's not a bag or a car or a phone.
You ever seen an ad
for a guitar? No, it sells itself.
This is a gift you can take to your grave,
and you can use it whenever you want.
And in the right context,
it can speak directly to your heart
in ways we don't even understand.
More than thoughts, more than words,
more than ideas.
Just a chord, hanging there in the air.
C.
Woken up by the birds
She wonders what they think about
If instead
She meets a man
Who shows her magic tricks
All sorts of magic tricks
And he lets her live...
- Can anyone sign up?
- For sure, yeah. That's the idea.
Just keeping the music local.
What's the cash prize?
Eighty percent of the door.
There's usually about 50 punters.
- How much a head?
- Fiver.
Jesus, that's pricey enough.
Are they all that sh*t?
It's not about that. It's about keeping
music alive in the neighborhood.
That's all I'm about.
So who decides who wins?
I do. Barry Byrne. Events promoter.
I know who you are, Barry.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, Jesus. How are ya?
Don't tell me. Fiona.
Flora.
Knew you were in the F's.
Better go in. Good to see you again.
In the daylight.
I bet she wins!
Singing...
You look very young.
I was very young.
How much do you think that cost
to sh**t that?
- No clue.
- Two grand we got
from the record label for it.
We had a crane
for every sh*t in this. Every sh*t.
- Did you have a trailer?
- No, but we had a f*cking crane.
So, did you go to America for that?
- Looks like it, doesn't it?
- Yeah.
No,
we f*cking sh*t it all around Drimnagh.
Why is there a cop in every sh*t?
'Cause it's America, you know.
- There's that same cop again.
- f*cking pay attention, will you?
There's Ma. See ya, Da.
What's that?
What's what? It's just me guitar.
I have a lesson later.
I thought I'd do it in the park.
What's this all about, Flora?
- What's what about?
- This whole f*cking musical thing.
Anytime I tried to get ya to listen
to new music, you just f*cking tuned out.
Yeah, my tutor says I have
"genuine appreciation of melody."
Now.
What do you listen to then?
Apart from club music.
Give me five bands. Go on.
Well, I like his songs anyway.
He's a songwriter too, is he?
Yeah, he is. He's brilliant actually.
What's his name?
Jeff...
the guitar guy.
Sounds like some f*cking clown
who never made it,
teaching guitar lessons online.
That's the ultimate graveyard
for failed musicians.
Are you a little bit jealous?
No. Just concerned.
- How's Juanita?
- She's great.
You do know she's not Spanish, right?
Her nana's people were from Spain.
My people were from Norway.
That doesn't make me a f*cking Viking.
Does she blow you like I did?
What? Shut up.
I'm serious. Does she?
You're nuts.
She doesn't blow you, does she?
Yeah, she does. She has. Yeah.
She doesn't. I knew it.
Her mouth's too small.
Is she out?
Will I come up for a few minutes?
We'll send Max off for an ice cream.
Don't be f*cking mad.
I bet she doesn't let you come all
down her neck and tits the way I did.
Come on, Max!
Are you getting rid of that guitar?
This? No, why?
- Jesus.
- Wake up, will you!
f*ck off!
You stepped right in front of me.
Will you watch where you're going?
You watch where you're going or I'll wrap
that f*cking lock around your neck!
What are you doing with it then?
It was just sitting there. Why?
Do you want it? You can have it.
I don't.
I don't like acoustic guitar music anyway.
What are you into then?
Ambient. Electronic.
I always loved dance music.
Like what?
Container. Sophie is amazing.
Orbital, back in the day.
- Who the f*ck are they?
- Dance music.
What are you into then?
Marconi Union. Do you know them?
No.
They're from Manchester, I think.
Real trance music.
It sounds like a computer made it.
It's deadly.
I have some on me phone
if you want to listen to them.
What, now?
- Whenever...
- Right, you've got your key.
There's waffles in the fridge.
I'm heading out.
- Bye.
- I'll be back in an hour and a half!
I don't care.
So, am I ready?
For what?
To write a female empowerment ballad
and get me husband back.
Why did he leave?
Anger?
Why is he angry?
No, me. I'm angry. I almost k*lled
a cyclist today with his own lock.
What are you angry about?
Dunno. I wake up angry.
I'm angry at me son all the time.
I thought this guitar lark
might make him think I'm cool.
Hold on. You have a son?
I had him when I was very young.
I was 17. Do you have kids?
I do. I actually had them kinda young too,
so they're huge now.
But they do think I'm cool.
Play me your song again.
Yeah, I wanted to bring that up.
So that wasn't my song.
What? Whose is it?
It was written by Hoagy Carmichael.
Oh, love.
Why'd you tell me it was your song?
Well, I didn't. You presumed.
But then I let you. So, sorry.
Why?
I guess I wanted to see how it felt.
To what?
To have written a song like that,
in someone else's eyes.
Yeah, stupid.
I apologize. Let's get back to the lesson.
Why? What normally happens?
You wanna hear one of my songs?
- Yeah.
- All right.
Get in my car
I'll drive you through the canyon
Breathe in Topanga for the day
And when we reach the ocean
And we can't go further west
We'll keep on driving anyway
She's never boring
She's kind to me
And every morning she's a mystery
Welcome to LA
Where everything and nothing changes
Every single day
The sunshine on the darkness melts
The morning haze away
And I won't let the bright lights
Bring me down
In this angels town
Welcome to LA
It's lovely. You're really good at songs.
But?
Would I wanna hear it again?
Sorry.
No. Don't be sorry.
If everybody were as honest as you,
I wouldn't have had to waste
a decade and a half of my life.
We should get back to the lesson.
Don't feel sorry for yourself.
No. I'm not. I mean,
it's a humbling realization.
You know, you sit down and wanna play
something for somebody, and they're ready.
You're, like, receptive.
And you watch as their eyes glaze over.
And it's harder for them
than it is for you.
It's the smiling with the mouth
but not the eyes. That's how you know.
Know what?
That they're unchanged.
Anyway. A, D and E. One, four, five.
Come on.
You know what,
I'm gonna give you some homework tonight.
There's a song I want you to listen to.
I'll send you a link.
Give it a listen.
Play. Come on.
Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way
But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
Oh, I've looked at clouds
From both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds
At all
Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
Oh, I've looked at love that way
But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
No, don't give yourself away
I've looked at love
From both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
Oh, I really don't know love
At all
Oh, I've looked at life
From both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
Oh, I really don't know life
At all
Can I meet him? I mean, see him.
- No.
- Please.
I'll just stand in the corner of the room.
I'll be like a little mouse.
That'd be so wrong.
Is he good-looking?
Do you have a screen grab?
- It's not about that.
- So he's a pig then.
He never says what you expect him to say.
And he's sensitive.
You can see in his eyes he's been hurt.
What are his songs like?
Not great.
Oh, Jesus. You've fallen in love with
an ugly fella who lives 6,000 miles away.
Basically.
...and we'll f*ck behind the dunes.
f*cking hell!
Jesus Christ, it's like a club in here!
Turn it down a second!
Jesus, that's loud.
Yeah, Keith lent them to me.
Really powerful.
Have to give them back tomorrow.
The neighbors will be complaining.
They're junkies.
They'll be asking to turn it up.
Who's Keith?
He's a mate. A rapper.
He lent me these for the night.
- For what?
- So I could mix this track.
Was that yours?
You're joking me. How the f*ck
did you make that? It sounded epic.
GarageBand. It's simple.
Explain.
You get all your sounds from here,
like, instruments and all.
- And you can get loops from here.
- What are loops?
Drum patterns and stuff.
I mean, you can make your own.
But you need a proper sequencer for that.
And how do you control them?
Like, how do you get that mad piano sound?
Well, you open
the "Keyboard typing," you know,
use the laptop keys.
No way.
Sounds like a piano.
Oh, sh*t.
Not on me track. Turn it off.
Jesus, it sounds very professional.
It is. It's what loads of people start on.
It's sh*t doing it like this though.
You need a proper synth.
Takes forever doing one note at a time.
I've been at this for three hours today.
I'm f*cking starving.
Play it again.
Please just make me a cheese toastie.
Please.
After.
Do you have a lyric?
- Got these, but they're not finished yet.
- Come on.
Come on, girl
You know how much I want you
Like a ghost, I'm going to haunt you
Meet me at me crib
Bring your friends
Maybe we can drive a Mercedes-Benz
We'll hang out poolside
Have a drink
Swimming against the tide
Not gonna sink
Come on, girl
Let's get in trouble
Shaken, not stirred
A James Bond from Dublin
What's it called?
"Dublin 07." Like James Bond, but Dublin.
Nah. You need a better title.
Let me try something here.
We got something real
From the Joker with the Glasgow smile
Ready to die for you, I go in style
Dressed from head to toe in Italian
In the bed, I'm like a stallion
I'm the king of the MMA
Like Conor McGregor, only not as gay
Living the dream
In a bed full of b*tches
The Midas touch, I got the riches
And when they come and stitch me up
They better use Gucci stitches
It's f*cking class, isn't it?
f*cking hell, Son.
Is this what you've been doing
on those headphones?
Don't move.
Come over here
and hear what your son made.
Come on, girl
You know how much I want you
Like a ghost, I'm going to haunt you
Meet me at me crib
Bring your friends
Maybe you can drive a Mercedes-Benz
We'll hang out poolside
Have a drink
Swimming against the tide
Not gonna sink
Come on, girl
Let's get in trouble
Shaken, not stirred
A James Bond from Dublin
We got something real
From the Joker with
The Glasgow smile
- Ready to die for ya, I go in style
- I love this.
- That's me singing!
- In the bed, I'm like a stallion
I'm the king of the MMA
Like Conor McGregor, only not as gay
Living the dream
In a bed full of b*tches
The Midas touch, I got the riches
And when they snip me and stitch me up
They better use Gucci stitches
- Yeah
- We got something real
Come and get me, guys
Come and get me, boys
Come and k*ll me...
Can you f*cking play or what?
I'm not playing for you.
Go on, give us a tune on that guitar.
- Come on.
- No.
It's not that big of a f*cking deal.
Would you just play one song?
Okay.
Ian. Why are you doing this to me?
Come on, you'll be great.
I can play you a song I wrote.
- Okay, yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah?
Oh, my God. Okay.
Yeah.
She goes by the name
Sweet Juanita
She hails from the town
Of Dublin
Her mother was from...
- Blanchardstown?
- Yeah. Blanch...
Blanchardstown
Her father was from...
Come on, Max!
Juanita, Juanita, Juanita, Juanita
They're fabulous.
Can I try that on?
Yeah.
Can we get it?
What's it made of?
It's full of feathers. Goose feathers.
From a golden goose? Anyway, it's too big.
That's the look.
Yeah, for turtles. Come on, let's go!
- Yeah. See that?
- Oh, yeah?
You're making progress.
Your left hand's getting stronger.
Thank you.
I've been thinking about your song.
Okay.
I think it's salvageable.
Good to know.
The problem is that you have
a great opening verse.
But the chorus isn't a lot better.
Now, in my research, I find that choruses
used to be the big deal in a song.
You know, what everyone was waiting for.
But, nowadays, it's not like,
"Here comes the chorus, everyone."
You know, 'cause unless you have
a k*ller chorus, which you don't,
it's an anticlimax.
So, what you're saying is,
my verse is too good?
Wow.
You are a glass-half-full kind of guy.
I guess that's one way of looking at it.
You play the first verse and sing it,
and then play it again,
and I'll hum what I mean. Ready?
- What, now?
- Yeah.
What about the lesson?
This is the lesson. Go.
Okay. So, you want me to play...
Get in my car
I'll drive you through the canyon
Breathe in Topanga for the day
And when we reach the ocean
And we can't go further west
We'll keep on driving anyway
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la
Do you know what I mean?
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
Up.
La, la
No. It's, like... That's not it.
- La, la
- La, la, la, la
La
Like...
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
And have a better lyric?
Okay. I'll get right on that.
No, I have a better lyric.
You do?
Yeah, I'll email them.
You can take 'em or leave 'em.
I'll give 'em a sh*t.
I'll try to fold them in.
I can't promise it'll work.
Okay. Whatever. Can I get 10%?
You can get 100%. I stopped trying
to make money with my music.
I tried that for years.
It almost k*lled the thing I love.
This is fun.
Yeah.
All right, Flora, see you next week.
Okay.
He's very cute.
Right?
- Shiny new wheels
- You are absolute naturals.
Drop top roof so your man can run
- Gone like poof! when the Garda come
- That's it, girls. Keep it going.
Got wand, got whip, got honey
Got grip, got money, got style
Got caught, so what?
No worry
- Them Guards can't resist my smile
- Sell it.
Got girls appearing
From the North Side
- That's brillo.
- Got girls appearing
From the South Side
Like that
Girls in the back o' my ride
Goin' back to me flat in my Hyundai
Lovely. That's enough.
Right. Now, I say we...
Hey, Samantha.
How are you, Matt?
Why don't you just ask her out,
for waffles?
No way.
- Hiya, Samantha?
- Jesus Christ.
Are you Cheryl's daughter?
Hiya, Flora.
Jesus, you've sh*t up.
Stop, I know.
Taller than me mother now.
- How's your ma?
- She's grand.
Talks about you all the time.
The cr*ck youse had.
Don't talk to me!
Do you wanna come up
for a bit of dinner with me and Max?
When you wrap?
No, you're grand.
Come on.
Come up for some garlic bread.
Nah. No, thanks.
Right. Okay. See ya.
See ya.
What are you doing right now?
You don't want to know.
Tell me what you feel about her.
I can't stop thinking of her.
Good. Obsession. You're obsessed.
I suppose.
I was obsessed with your da.
I don't care.
So go on.
She's totally out of me league.
No, she's not.
Yeah, she is. She gets off with Keith.
She thinks
that Keith can offer her something.
He's all glamorous and dangerous
with the 1,000-euro jackets.
She needs to know that when she's done
with her gangster, you'll be there.
That's you. The red.
If we had an external microphone,
- the quality would be much better.
- Yeah.
- Do you want me to put reverb on?
- Yeah, can you?
Yeah.
That's cool.
Do it better and I'll loop it.
Right. Write these down.
- Go.
- You ready?
Yeah.
And when you're done getting knocked down.
And when you're done getting up again.
And when you're down on the canvas, baby...
I'll... Come on.
"And when you're down on the canvas...
- ...baby...
- ...baby."
I'll be the one that
never counts your heart out.
I'll be the one in your corner.
I like that boxing metaphor.
I'll be the one
I'll be the one
I'll be the one
Now send that to her.
What?
Well, that's the idea.
She has to hear your passion.
It'll knock her off her feet.
Do you have her email?
Are you serious?
In fact, why stop there?
Right, lads,
youse have 20 minutes.
And when you're done
With your boyfriend
And when you're done
With the Tallaght girls
I'll be the one who's waiting
- Come on, sing it to her.
- And when you're done
- With your baby sister
- Sing it to her! She's in the camera,
- in the lens. Think about that.
- Banging the wall of your bedroom
- Look at her.
- And when you're done
- With the street dr*gs
- Get angry.
- You know what I mean? Think about Keith.
- And when you're done
With the stolen cars
That's it. Move your shoulders.
And when you've run
- All your red lights
- That's it.
- Move your face. Express yourself.
- I'll be the one
Who would run through
The night for you
- Get angry! Come on. Think about it.
- I'll be the ghost in your headlights
- I'll slap that phone out of your hand.
- And when you're done
- With your college
- Okay.
- Okay, I want you to think about her now.
- And when you're done
- With the college boys
- I want you to think about her with Keith.
When you think you know
What the world is, darlin'
- I'll be the one getting educated
- How does that make you feel in here?
'Cause I wanna know everything
About you
I'll be the one
I'll be the one
I'll be the one
I'll be the one
I'll be the one
I'll be the one
And when you're done
Getting knocked down
- That's it. Now I like it. Now I'm happy.
- And when you're done getting up again
And when you're down
On the canvas, baby
I'll be the one that never counts
- Your heart out
- What about "Flora and her Son"?
"Flora and her Son"?
What about "Max and his Ma"?
I'll be the one
I'll be the one
I'll be the one
I'll be the one
I'll be the one
I'll be the one
I'll be the one
I'll be the one
I'll be the one
I'll...
Now send that to her.
f*ck! I need the room.
I'm late for my lesson.
I can't. I'm editing the video.
What about my lesson, Max?
I can't help you.
I worked on that idea of yours.
For my song.
- You wanna hear it?
- Yeah.
You got your lyrics handy?
Get in my car
I'll drive you through the canyon
Breathe in Topanga for the day
And when we reach the ocean
And we can't go further west
We'll keep on driving anyway
Now you go ahead.
I'll take you down to Dollymount
And we'll f*ck behind the dunes
I'll kiss your mouth
All whiskey breath
And then I'll leave
Your heart in ruins
Sing with me.
Maybe we should meet
In the middle
Maybe we could find
A little city no one knows
And if they just gave us
A minute on our own
Maybe we could call it home
Forget the stars of Hollywood
Or big old houses in Bel Air
I can introduce you
To the angels of my city
But we'll find them anywhere
I'll drag you around town by your ear
Still wringing from the rain
I'll buy you chips and tea and beer
And then I'll crush your heart again
Maybe we should meet
In the middle
Maybe we could find
A little city no one knows
And if we just gave us
A minute on our own
A minute on our own
Maybe we could call it home
Maybe we could call it home
So now it just needs a k*ller bridge.
What's a bridge?
A bridge is a change for eight bars
after the second chorus.
Okay.
- It sounds amazing.
- It's better, right?
Yeah. It actually works.
I really struggled with that song.
It's very intimate, isn't it?
Singing together like that.
It's a bit like...
we've just made love or something.
- No, it's not like that.
- In a way though.
I do feel a little bit naked right now.
I think music is all about romance.
I mean, look at A Star is Born.
Not if I don't have to.
How come the way things are
are never enough for you?
They never were.
I was always pushing things.
- Finding ways of getting outside meself.
- Like how?
Like...
leaving school before everyone else.
And then getting pregnant
and not getting an abortion
when everyone was telling me to.
I thought getting pregnant
might make me feel different.
I thought giving birth, I'd be reborn.
Then I was stoned during most
of his childhood.
I was drunk for the birth of both my kids.
Like in a bar?
- Like in the delivery room.
- Wow.
That's hard-core.
Bet your wife loved that.
Right? She's the one pushing
a nine-pound human through her vag*na,
and I'm the one that's breaking.
Never admitted that to anybody before.
I was drunk
the whole first ten years of their lives.
What got you clean?
Well, having kids started it,
and AA kept me off.
And really just learning
to put them first.
- Is that the dawn behind you?
- Christ, it is.
- Is that the sunset behind you?
- Uh-huh.
We've been up all night.
So, this is like pillow talk?
No, you owe me for six hours.
I do not.
No, I like talking to you.
I don't know why,
'cause nothing you say makes any sense.
Is that all?
Nothing's ever enough for you, is it?
Are you saying you don't
find me a teeny bit attractive
- when I'm singing that song with you?
- You're my student.
- So?
- It's inappropriate.
Who's going to cancel you?
You're already no one.
I don't think I could
start something with somebody
halfway across the planet,
through a screen.
My heart couldn't take it.
I'm not 19.
Life's lonely enough as it is.
I could get a plane.
So could I.
Well, then we'd miss each other.
You're not coming here.
It would be like walking
into a live soap opera.
Plus, I wanna see LA.
This isn't all about you.
I could play our song
for some friends in the business.
Ten percent.
I'd pick you up at the airport.
You'd better.
Get yourself over here then.
So, what's so important it couldn't wait
till we swap him over?
Sit down. Relax.
- Want a glass of wine?
- Wine, Flora?
At ten o'clock in the morning? No.
Few gurgles during the day.
How would you feel
about looking after Max for a bit?
While I sorta found meself.
I didn't know you were lost.
Yeah, well, I haven't left Dublin in,
like, ten years.
Where you thinking of going? Cork? Galway?
Yeah. Or LA, or...
What? Could you pick
somewhere further away?
That's sort of the point.
I see.
This is about
the f*cking guitar guy, is it? Jeff.
I don't even know if he lives in LA.
This is about me.
Look, it doesn't matter.
Can't be looking after Max.
You couldn't have picked
a worse f*cking time.
Why?
I'm starting up a wedding band
with the lads outta Indigo Void.
Imagine this now, all right,
me and the lads all in tuxes, shades on.
A whole f*cking Rat Pack, Tarantino vibe.
f*cking savage.
The beach is down the road from his house.
And it's constantly sunny.
And he has a pool in his yard
that he put in himself.
Imagine Ian doing that.
He'd f*cking drown.
Do you know it's been 12 years
since I had a bathing suit on?
You lucky bitch. Can I come?
And if things don't work out, that's fine.
I just come home, right?
But I get to say I did something brave.
For once in me life. Something about me.
Hasn't most of your life
been a little bit about you?
- What are you talking about?
- Nothing.
I'm just saying, like,
you've always followed your own thing.
Are you for me or against me?
Look, I'm totally into you going
to LA to f*ck this guy.
Maybe get your song heard
by a couple of friends of his.
Totally into that story.
But last time I checked,
miners and frontline workers were brave.
Speaking of brave...
would you look after Max for a bit?
Excuse me?
You've known him his whole life.
He trusts you.
Plus, you have that spare room
since your brother moved out.
- It's only for a month or so.
- No, I can't.
- I wouldn't ask just anyone.
- Yeah, you would.
What do you mean by that?
I have a job. I live with me mam.
I have Shania.
Much and all as I love you,
I can't be looking after
your nutter son as well.
I've never asked you
to do anything with Max.
Yeah, but I was there
for if you needed me to.
That's not good enough. You never offered.
Everyone says they care.
Every bloke I've met is all,
"You have a kid.
Deadly. Let's give it a go.
I'll rise to the occasion."
And then they f*cking disappear.
And all me so-called mates are like,
"You and Max are so cute."
But then they're off to Spain
on their holidays,
and "they don't take kids at this resort."
Or ask them
to f*cking do something for you,
and they're nowhere to be found.
They never babysat.
They never picked him up from school.
They never asked me what I might want
or what my needs are.
Since I was 17,
with a screaming child on me lap,
doing me head in, while youse were all
living your f*cking lives.
Now I want to live my life!
Should have thought about that
14 years ago, shouldn't you?
Do you think I wanted that child?
We were all f*cking like rabbits.
So I don't know.
Maybe you did. Maybe you didn't.
But you didn't get the boat
to London, did you?
That was your call. Now don't be asking
other people to pick up the pieces.
Hey!
Stop him!
- Hello?
- Flora, it's Guard O'Connelly here.
We have Max again at the station.
Can you come down?
For f*ck's sake.
Right.
So young Max here stole
an expensive piece of studio equipment
from a shop on Wicklow Street,
causing the shop owner to give chase.
- How expensive was it?
- That's not the point.
He's way past the number
of thefts and charges
where we can keep him out of court
and very likely a correctional facility.
- Are you joking me?
- No.
Guard,
there's gotta be some way to fix this.
- You're all he's got.
- No, Flora, I'm done with him.
He's been robbing
since he's been in short trousers.
He's a waste of space.
There's a time when you run out of road,
and it's that time.
Like I said, I've tried everything.
And so have you, Flora.
Good luck, kid.
Lads, get that fella up
from the cell there.
I want him in Interview Two, yeah?
A f*cking 400-euro synthesizer?
- I told you I needed the right gear.
- For what?
To rerecord that song. It sounded rubbish.
Who are you, f*cking Drake?
It's just a bleeding song on your laptop.
Did you not send her your video?
Yeah, I did. She hated it.
She thought it was real creepy.
Well, f*ck her then.
It's all your fault.
Getting me to stare
into the camera all intense.
In me shorts, like a weirdo.
She doesn't want to see that.
What does she want to see then?
You wouldn't understand.
I want to do it right.
Well, I'm sure she'll give you loads
of attention when you're behind bars.
Women love criminals.
Oh, for f*ck's sake.
What movie are you in?
One without you in it.
I mean, what do you care?
You'll be in LA with your boyfriend.
He's not my boyfriend.
Anyway, how do you know about that?
We live in a f*cking shoebox.
I'll be grand with that.
You know, just get out of me way, woman.
Gladly!
I've just come
from his free legal aid lawyer.
They say he's defo gonna serve some time.
Little f*cking bollocks.
He's been given so many chances.
I know.
Do you wanna let on we're still together?
When we stand up in court.
Judges like that.
Yeah.
Flora, look... Those places get a bad rep,
but they're not what they used to be,
you know.
They're more like a school now
than a detention center.
They've got football pitches in them.
Art sh*t. Wi-Fi.
They're very f*cking progressive,
you know.
It might be the best thing for him.
Just having to man up,
you know, look out for himself.
Make friends. Negotiate. People skills.
He's just been sitting around
on his hole doing nothing.
But this would give us
the time we were talking about.
For your dreams and my various projects.
We've been doing nothing
but parenting him for the last 14 years.
How's he gonna have any respect for us
if we're just waiting around on him
all the time?
He needs to know who I am.
And he needs to know who you are, Flora.
I'll see you in court on Tuesday.
This way.
Can you see me?
I don't think you f*cking care.
Could you hurry up, please?
Thank you very f*cking much for your time.
Treating us like criminals.
Following us out. Do you mind?
I'll tell you something.
She better not come in here...
- Did you text him?
- Yeah, twice.
I'll text him again.
Pick up your phone, you f*cking assh*le.
This is the one thing you need to be at,
and you're sitting
on your arse playing video games.
I've been texting you all morning,
you f*cking assh*le.
Get over here.
This case is now adjourned.
Next case on the ballot
is the state versus...
Can the defendant please step forward?
Next case on the ballot is Max Mulvey.
Any previous offenses?
Six.
Max is an excellent student
when he applies himself.
There's been drug use
with both his parents.
His father is a musician,
but the band split up
and he's struggled ever since.
His mother
has been holding down various jobs as a...
a mother's helper.
Commutes an hour a day.
He excels in music...
I presume you're the defendant's mother?
Yes, Judge.
His father was supposed
to be here as well,
but he couldn't get out of work.
He lives with you both?
Yes, we both live with him. At two houses.
- We both take care of him.
- I asked where Max lived.
Yes, Judge, he lives with both of us.
But at two houses, mine and me husband's.
It seems to me a couple of months
in a strict supervision environment
might teach you to respect
the efforts your parents have made.
I'm going to impose
an eight-week sentence on you, Mr. Mulvey,
in a juvenile correctional facility,
and one year's probation.
I hope you learn your lesson in there,
and that I won't be seeing you again
in my courtroom.
- I don't care.
- Good man.
That's very harsh.
- Can I ask you a question?
- Go ahead.
Are you a mother?
- Completely irrelevant.
- Right.
But I believe if I weren't,
I would have imposed a harsher sentence.
If the shop owner has his gear back,
- what's the point in sending him in there?
- Madam...
I'll do whatever it takes
to figure this out.
And what would that be?
I have 500 euros put away.
I can give it to the shop owner.
And if he's satisfied with that,
then he might drop the charges.
Otherwise, what's the point in sending him
in there and breaking up me family?
Without him, I have nothing.
The owner isn't here.
And this is a legal matter,
not a financial one.
Max has been on the liaison program
for half his life.
I'd be making a mockery of it
if I didn't impose a custodial sentence.
But in the light of your efforts,
I'll reduce it.
Four weeks and a year's probation.
- You did brilliant.
- No, I didn't.
- I'll be grand in there.
- No, you won't.
I will now, Ma.
Thanks, Ma.
Okay, Son.
You're okay.
So, I'm not coming to visit you.
When he gets out I might come,
but I'd have to bring him.
How annoying is he?
Very annoying.
Yeah.
Oh, sh*t. I'm not gonna be able
to play you my song.
Which song?
The song I wrote about you.
- You wrote a song about me?
- Yeah.
It's about, you know,
your soul and the time we've spent
and who you are.
What's it called?
"Crazy Irish Bitch."
I haven't written a new song
in a long time.
I just didn't feel like I had much
to write about in life,
but I did, I guess. So thanks.
You're welcome.
So I'm your muse?
Yeah.
Although nowadays you're supposed
to be offended by that, right?
f*ck that. Feels great. I wanna hear it.
I'll record it for you.
Hi, Judge. Do you have a second?
I'm the mad one from court the other week.
I know who you are. What is it?
Would you just make one small change
to your sentence?
It's just a detail,
but you could help make it happen.
What is it?
Would you let him
bring his music stuff with him?
The info pack says
there's no personal items,
but he has his headphones
and a microphone.
I think it will be very good for him
to continue with his music,
especially with all this time
on his hands.
I don't see why I couldn't look into that.
- That's the one you want?
- Yeah.
That's the one Keith has. It's class.
And that's a good microphone?
Yeah, it's very good
for GarageBand and that.
It's an all-round good mic.
Thanks very much.
Little prick.
Here, Ma. Check this out
It's just a rough vocal.
Living in my life
Living in my hard life
Living in my life
...ready to take your order
whenever you're ready.
Sorry, you're telling me
that the day you did the very thing
that you got locked up for
- was the best day of your life?
- Yeah, hands down.
I felt like I was on fire meself.
I felt alive that day.
Well, the best day of my life
is the day I get out of this kip.
Yeah, but that's in the future.
I'm talking about up to now.
Well, I haven't had a good day, have I?
What about you, Max?
Best day of my life was the day
I made a video with me ma.
You made a video with your mother?
- Yeah.
- Well, can we see it?
No.
All right, but that's your day?
Yeah, that was a good day.
Okay, I'm gonna have
to park this thing properly.
So I'll see youse inside, all right?
Good luck.
- Get up with us.
- No.
- I'll be at the bar.
- Come on.
Come on. It'll be great.
Look, no offense, but I'm actually
a professional bass player,
so I'm not gonna be playing
some random amateur night. Thanks.
Hey, Da. You weren't at the court.
You have to do this.
I don't even have me bass.
I packed it. It's in the back seat.
Oh, for f*ck's sake.
You're not getting out of this one, Ian.
Strawberry moon
Oh, you shine down
You shine down on me
Another strawberry moon
- Give it up for Heart.
- Yeah!
Amazing, isn't she?
Long career ahead of her.
Now, next up we have "Flora and Son."
Is that the name of the band? Yeah.
Flora and Son.
That's a lot of gear.
Yeah, man, all right.
- Hey, Jeff.
- Watch this.
- Are you not gonna be roasting in that?
- Shut up, no. I'll be grand.
Hiya. This is Jeff.
He's in LA. Say hello, Jeff.
Hello, Dublin.
Always wanted to say that.
And this is Ian on bass.
And Max, me son, on keyboards.
We wrote this song together.
Jeff helped. And Ian, sorta.
But we thought we'd try it
live for you, if that's all right.
Okay. I've never done this before.
I've had diarrhea all week
leading up to this.
Don't be nervous.
It's easy for you to say.
This is a Dublin crowd.
They'll savage me if I f*ck it up.
Okay, you ready?
One, two, three, four.
I've been bruised and broken
I've been torn in f*cking two
I've been working and running
Then I have to run home to you
And I'm not living in your life
And you're not living in mine
We've been getting it wrong forever
We'll get it right this time
And live in the high life
Absolutely not.
You're a thief
You're a sh*t thief
You're always getting caught
I'm a bitch
But I'm your bitch
And I'm all you've f*cking got
And I'm not living in your life
And you're not living in mine
We all get what we've been given
But we're not gonna give up tryin'
To live in the high life
Living in our high life
We're up on the high life
And it's a fine night to feel alive
Living the high life
Living in our high life
We're up on the high life
And it's a fine night to feel alive
This song's a love song
It's not an apology.
But sometimes I hate you
Reminding me of me
Woman, guess we're cut
From the same cloth
Fourteen years in the same block
Nine long months in your belly
Down to the Coombe
And I still wasn't ready
Three days late I arrived at the party
Smile on me face
You're welcome, me hearty
Back to the gaff in the Liberties
Christening party
Up with the knees
Girl, we are cut from the same cloth
All you feel, I feel the same loss
I see your eyes in the mirror
Saint, angel, devil, sinner
Still laughin' at life
With our fists up
Still getting our tea
Down the chip shop
Still tough
Tongues sharp as a flick-Kn*fe
Still here, still living the high life
And I'm not living in your life
And you're not living in mine
And this song's for all you mothers
We're all gonna be just fine
We're living the high life
Living in our high life
We're up on the high life
And it's a fine night to feel alive
- We're living the high life
- Living the high life
- Living in our high life
- Living in our...
- We're up on the high life
- We're up on the high life
And it's a fine night to feel alive
Living the high life
Living the high life!
Living in our high life
- We're up on the high life
- Max!
And it's a fine night to feel alive
And it's a fine night to feel alive!
- Living the high life
- Top of the world, Ma.
Living in our high life
We're up on the high life
And it's a fine night to feel alive
Living the high life
Living the high life
We're up on the high life
You're f*cking shite.
Hey. So here's
that song I was telling you about,
that I wanted to play for you
when you got here.
But I guess I'll play it now.
If I said purple
You'd say red
With your brown hair tumbling
Like an unmade bed
Then we'd both die laughing
At something I said
Talking to you
I find my point
And you lose your sh*t
There's just so much broken
That the words can't fix
And the dawn is breaking
But I just can't quit
Talking to you
I've seen a Jesus
Roller skating down Sunset
Watched a ballet of sprinklers
In the rain
But I know I'd go crazy
If I couldn't get
To talk to you again
So if God takes me
And leaves you here
I want no black limousines
And no sad tears
'Cause I'll still be hanging around
The atmosphere
Talking to you
And no words or music
Can come even near
To talking to you
Flora and Son (2023)
Moderator: Maskath3