04x06 - Doug's Birthday Present/Doug's Fan Club

[bunniefuu]

( Yelps )

( Barks )

( Electric guitar playing )

( Man singing scat )

( Barks )

Cool! Whoa!

( Thwack )

( Barks )

( Baby crying )

Mr. Funnie:
quack, quack!

Tweet, tweet.

Look at the baby.

Oh, she's cute.

Doug:
my dad takes baby portraits

At the busy beaver
department store

And he's the best.

I don't know
how you do it, phil.

Only you could get
jimmy to stop crying.

( Crying )

It's a gift.

You pay for it
at customer service

Order your prints
and they'll fix you up.

Shh, sugar,
you'll see the
nice man next year.

Doug!

Hey, dad.

Hey, mr. Funnie.

Why are you here?

Doug's birthday
is in days

Six hours
and minutes.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

What kind of present
do you want, son?

I was thinking...

( Girl screams )

Beebe:
a steamboat!

Happy birthday,
honey pumpkin.

Cool!
Wow!

He's the best daddy
ever, isn't he?

Don't touch, skeeter.

( Phone rings )

Bluff here.

Yes?

Yes, okay.

Got to run, honey.

Hey, dad, isn't this

The coolest birthday
present you ever saw?

Yeah, real cool, son.

Dad?

( Footsteps )

( Hinge creaks )

( Barks )

That's me.

Hey!

( Yelps )

( Barks )

My dad acted funny
all the rest of that day.

...and it
has two ,-
horsepower engines

And can go over
miles an hour

And it has an
airlock, right, dad?

Hmm.

Oh, please,
may I throw up?

Well, that's what
beebe said, and it had...

( Clinking )

Sorry to interrupt, but
I have an announcement to make--

An important
announcement.

I'm leaving
the busy beaver.

What?
What?
What?

Well, I have to,
if I'm going to open

My own
photo studio.

Phil!

We'll have to tighten
our belts a little

But if things go well

We'll be financially secure
for the rest of our lives.

How about that?

* We're going to be rich.

* We're going to be rich...

Phil, we're going to have
to talk about this.

Oh, sure, sure,
of course.

Wow! Financially secure
for the rest of our lives.

So what do you say, my boy,
is this the life, or what?

Top drawer, father.

And watch this.

Good show, father.

Capital birthday present.

I've got an even
bigger surprise.

Phil & doug's photorama.

Why, father,
you shouldn't have.

Well, of course I should.

Who better to carry on
in my footsteps?

This would be great.

I couldn't wait to see

The place dad picked out
for his new business.

Phil:
well, here it is, the future
home of phil's family photos.

What do you think?

It's really
nice, dear.

It's so...
Understated.

Is it really
that bad?

I think it's great.

That's my boy talking.

You kids are going
to be so happy.

Before you knew it

Dad had fixed the place up
and had the grand opening.

Kind of slow, huh, dad?

Slow? Not at all.

It's just our first day,
and first days are always...

Wait a minute.

Get the paint,
will you, son?

Doug:
"grand opening-- % off."

Great idea, dad.

No problem,
no problem at all.

I'll just...

"% Off."

That ought to do it.

"Free?"

Oh! Are you sure
that's wise, dear?

It's good business.

Once they're
hooked

They'll keep
coming back.

( Cars approaching )

Doug:
wow! It worked, dad,
you're a genius.

We all pitched in to help,
but as the day wore on...

( Crying )

( Crying and commotion )

Oh! Are you sure this is
the way to handle this?

I got everything
under control.

You just take the pictures.

That's right,
first day free.

Quack, quack!

( Making animal noises )

( Loud scream )

( Melodic howling )

( Shrieking )

Phil:
next!

It was like that all day.

I wasn't as good as my dad

But he was too busy
to deal with the babies.

So how did we do?

If I don't count rent or
the cost of fixing this place up

Our profit is...

Hey, somebody left
a quarter.

Cents--
that's great.

Most places lose money
their first year

And we've made a profit.

Who knows what money

The next few weeks
will bring in.

* We're going to be rich,
we're going to be rich... *

I wish
you wouldn't do that.

Do what?

Kids, let's go.

You have school tomorrow.

Good-bye, honey.

Bye.

Well, aren't
you coming, dad?

No, you guys go ahead.

I must print these photos.

I don't have
darkroom assistance

Like I did before.

See you tomorrow, son.

But he didn't come home
the next morning...

Your dad had bookkeeping
to catch up on.

He'll be home for dinner.

...or that night.

( Ringing )

Careful, douglas!

Hello, dad?

( Garbled voice )

Oh, okay, see you.

He's still got more work.

He'll be back real late.

It was like that all week.

( Car approaching )

Dad?

( Brakes squeal )

All right!

( Door closes )

Dad?

Howdy, partner.

Where are we
on the birthday countdown?

Four days.

It's going
to be a doozie.

( Tires squeal )

Your father is very sorry

But he won't be able
to make it this year.

Of course-- send in
his birthday present.

Ah, yes, another speedboat.

Open it.

Dad!

All right!

Oh, dad, i...

Huh?

Happy birthday from all of us
at phil's family photos.

I was starting to wonder
if I'd ever see dad again

So I went to his studio
one day after school.

Customer:
I've been waiting here
a long, long time.

Have you seen
mr. Funnie?

Phil:
okay, okay,
hold your horses.

Oh, hey, there, partner.

What brings you
around these parts?

Oh, hi, dad.

If I didn't come over
to see you, I'd go crazy.

Judy, mom and I all miss you.

( Snoring )

Dad? Dad?
Are you okay?

Man:
hey!

I've waited
three hours, mister.

Back to the old salt mines.

See you at dinner
tonight, okay, sport?

Okay, dad.

Actually... Doug?

I might be a few hours late.

Okay, dad.

Doug?

I'll definitely see you

At your big birthday
bash tomorrow.

Sure thing, dad.

( Commotion )

Okay, okay!

I'd never seen dad so unhappy
in my whole life.

Daddy!
Dad!

Sorry I'm late.

You made your wish yet?

Yes.

Great, blow out the candles.

Listen, doug, I'm very sorry

I know it isn't much,
but... Well...

Next year I'll get you

A really great birthday
present, I promise.

I'm sorry I made a big deal
about beebe's boat.

It doesn't matter
how much you spend on presents.

You don't care about being rich?

I wouldn't go that far.

What I really want for
my birthday is... Is you.

And maybe a football.

Really?!

Dad went back to
the busy beaver.

He wanted to go back
to handling babies

And leave the business
to the business people.

I guess if you work hard enough

You can save enough money
for a speedboat

But no money can buy
a great dad.

Dear journal--

When I saw that ad
for a magic book

On the back of
a man o steel man comic

I knew it would be perfect
to impress my friends.

( Kids fawning over doug )

Well, I suppose.

You want to see
my disappear-o trick?

Kids:
yeah, yeah, great!

Very well.

Now you see it...

Now you don't.

I thought you were
going to do a trick!

Oh, anybody can do that.

Wait, I haven't
finished the trick.

Veni, vidi, vici.

Beebe:
oh! How did
he do that?

And the day after I got it,
I saw my chance.

Those guys would be
so impressed.

Hey, guys, want to see
the disappear-o trick?

Maybe later, doug.

It will take a minute.

I just take a card.

Doug, we're in
the middle of a game.

And I make
the magic pass and...

And just a second.

Okay, okay--

One minute.

Just a second here.

Wait a minute.

Veni, vidi, vici.

It's disappeared.

Guys?

Oh, I guess
you're not impressed.

( Footsteps )

( Hinge creaks )

( Barks )

That's me.

Hey!

( Yelps )

Doug:
it was thursday afternoon.

The backyard was taken over

By judy's
peewee shakespeare class.

Vici, vici, viqui.

No, that's not it.

Veni, veni, vooi.

Vequi-- nope.

Vici, vedi... Veci.

Come on, gabriel,
give me cherubin.

Whoa!

Nice.

Weni, widi
whoopee.

Whoa!

Uh-oh.

See, first i...

Stop, funnie.

Take your little vaudeville act
off my stage now.

Oh, brave new world
that has such people in it.

It was depressing.

Nobody wanted
to see my card trick.

Veni, vidi, vici.

Wow, that's great!

Well, who are you?

Todd.
Do it again.

Shouldn't you
be rehearsing?

Judy sent me here.

Well, how come?

I think she hates me.

"Todd bentley, if you're
acting like that

"Get off my stage.

"Oh, brave
new world

That has
such people in it."

Come on,
do that trick again.

Uh, okay.

Veni, vidi, vici.

Do it again.

Veni, vidi, vici.

Do it again.

Todd was so impressed

He started coming over a lot

And it felt great

Having somebody look up to me
for a change.

Well, that one is hilarious.

( Laughing )

( Laughing )

Did you get to the part
about baloney shoes?

( Laughing )

Baloney shoe.

Doug, could you
read it to me?

To todd,
even my room was a big deal.

Todd:
cool!

( Gasps )

What's this for?

Shh.

That's where I keep
my secret stuff.

Fool's gold,
buffalo head penny, arrowheads.

Who's this?

That's me and monk-monk.

I had him since I was a baby.

What's this for?

( Sighs )

That's from when
I first met patti...

Patti mayonnaise.

Mmm, it's like music.

Come on, I'll
introduce you.

N-n-no,
I'm too nervous.

What will I say?

Whoa!

Whoa!

( Crash )

Are you okay?

Who, me?

Is this a private party
or can I join you?

Oh, no, the ketchup
squirted you.

No, really, it's okay.

See? You have
wonderful aim.

Really?

( Echoing: )
really? Really? Really...?

I'll explain it to you
when you're older.

Know what, doug?

You're the neatest person

I've ever known
in my life.

I thought
having todd around was fun

Until the next schoolday.

Chalky:
you must see
this movie.

There's this part

Where the dog
breathes helium

And then he... Can I help you?

Hi, doug!

Oh, hi, todd.

I told you
he was my friend.

You hanging out
with second-graders?

Oh, uh, he's
in judy's peewee

Shakespeare class,
that's all.

And we do
everything together.

We read comic books
and play banjo

And look at
monk-monk.

Monk-monk?

Okay, better
get to class.

See you
later, todd.

Wait, doug!

Show them a magic trick.

"I am the great dougini."

It looked like having a fan club
wasn't so cool after all.

Hey, y'all.

Beebe:
hey, guys.

Oh, hey, patti.

I'm surprised
you're here.

Chalky says
it's hilarious.

You guys want
to sit with us?

Really? Sure.

We'll go save you
two seats.

* Thank you for coming...

Announcer:
talking during the show is rude.

* Please take off your hats...

Over there, hurry, skeet.

Excuse me,
coming through.

Sorry.

...and remove your hats.

Sorry, ma'am.

Yes!

Got them!

This is great.

Soon patti is going
to be sitting right here.

I'm sitting with doug!

All right, mom?

But I'm saving the...

Doug, doug...

Woman:
doug funnie.

I've heard about you from todd.

Doug! I've changed
my name to doug, mom.

Now, todd.

Doug!

Doug, doug,
doug, doug.

Sorry, doug--

My mom made me
bring wesley.

Copycat!

Skeeter:
patti, beebe!

That's okay,
thanks for trying.

See you afterwards
at the honker burger.

Okay!

Okay!
Okay!

( Giggling )

My next illusion will take
the utmost concentration.

Will my assistants, doug and
doug, please step into the box?

( Gulps )

Now, when I shout
the magic words

My two assistants will vanish
into thin air forever.

Veni, vidi, vici.

And they're gone.

( Cheering )

Do it again!

( Chanting: )
do it again! Do it again!
Do it again!

Do it again! Do it again!

No-o-o-o!

( Laughing )

And then the part

At the end of
the movie...

( Laughing: )
with the dog!

( Barking )

Hey!

Ew! Please!

( Barking )

Copycat!

( Growling )

( Growling )

So patti, did you
like the... Todd!

Doug, my name
is doug!

Doug, doug, doug...

Stop it, wesley!

So did you like...?

I eat everything
doug eats.

Look what you did.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

( Giggling )

Dry fry?

Oh, sorry, i...

Can I ask
you something?

How come you turn red
when you see patti?

Does that mean you're
in love with her?

You know, he has
your ketchup.

That's it, you
have to go, todd.

Go where?

Go sit with your mom.

Just get away
from me, please.

"Just get away
from me, please!"

( Bawling )

Kids!

That night I felt pretty bad
about what I did to todd.

Maybe I was too hard on him.

You can't be--
todd bentley is impossible.

( Phone rings )

It's him.

Answer it,
judy, please?

Uh-uh, not me.

( Ringing )

Hello, doug.

Oh, hi, mrs. Bentley.

No, he's not here.

You lost him
at the honker burger?

Just get away
from me, please.

( Screaming )

I don't know what happened
to him, mrs. Bentley.

I'll go look if you...

( Thunder )

Oh, it's okay

Mrs. Bentley,
he's right here.

Todd!

Get away from me!

Why?

Because you hate me.

I don't hate you.

You do, too.

"That's it!
You have to go, todd!"

I didn't mean...

I just wanted you

To like me.

Yeah, I know that feeling.

You do?

When I try too hard
to impress somebody

It backfires.

Really?

You imitate people well

But there's a time
and a place for it.

When?

Oh, brave new world
that has such people in it.

So once todd stopped trying
so hard to impress people

He was really pretty impressive.

I wasn't too bad myself.

I'll break my wand
and drown my book.

As you from crimes
would pardon me

Let your indulgence set me free!

Whoa! Yeah,
yeah, go.

( Howling )