04x11 - Doug's Christmas Story

[bunniefuu]

[ Yelps]

[ Barks]

[ Electric guitar playing]

[ Man singing scat]

[ Barks]

Cool! Whoa!

[ Thwack]

[ Barks]

Doug:
dear journal,
funny how on the best holiday

The worst thing
that could happen, happened.

The trouble started a couple
of days before christmas.

[ Cheering]

Oh!

I got it!

Here we come!

[ Yelps]

[ Yelps]

[ Barking]

Boy:
heads up!

Go away, porkchop, I'm busy!

Ow!

My leg!

Somebody help!

Are you all right?

Boy:
I saw the whole thing.

All:
oh!

You poor thing.

What happened?

Porkchop
att*cked beebe.

What? Porkchop...

He what?

Patti:
beebe,
are you okay?

My leg!

[ Crying]

I saw the
whole thing!

He came up behind
her and bit her.

Porkchop, bad dog!

[ Whimpers]

[ Footsteps]

[ Hinge creaks]

[ Barks]

That's me.

Hey!

[ Yelps]

[ Barks]

Doug:
porkchop, how could you do that?

You never did
anything like this before.

You don't
bite people!

Even if
it is beebe.

[ Barking]

Quit clowning around, porkchop!

This is serious!

You go in your igloo

And think about
what you did.

[ Whimpering]

[ Tires screeching]

Doug! Come on, we're
going to be late!

Come on, dougie

Only two more christmas
shopping hours

Until mom gets home.

Honestly, you're
slower than christmas.

Chorus:
♪ you know he's bluffington's
own favorite son ♪

♪ He used to be the mayor. ♪

♪ So now tune in,
sit back and relax ♪

♪ His honor's on the air. ♪

And here's my secret.

Just make sure you marinate
the cocktail weenies

In grape jelly first.

Woman:
oh, my! That does
sound delicious.

♪ It's the mayor's recipe. ♪

Next caller.

Woman:
is it all right
if I still call you mayor?

Well, as you know,
due to a fluke election

I'm not the official mayor

But since
the current mayor is away...

♪ Tippy, tippy, tippy
creamed him at the polls. ♪

You can call me the mayor.

What's your question?

I suppose you heard that little
girl was att*cked by that dog?

Little girl att*cked!

I hope porkchop doesn't
think that I hate him.

Yeah, uh-huh.

They don't have
any nine-irons
like dad wants.

[ Gasps]

How about we get him
three three-irons?

Cool!

Well, that was
easier than I thought.

Perfect.

I decided
it was cheaper

To get a two
and a seven-iron.

I hope he doesn't
already have one.

[ Loud commotion]

What's happening?

[ Blowing whistle]

Excuse me,
what's going on?

Excuse me.

[ Camera shutters clicking,
flashbulbs popping]

Porkchop!

Hey, stay
in back.

But that's my...

White:
stand back, folks.

It's all under
control now.

Your holiday
is saved.

Chorus:
♪ it's the mayor. ♪

♪ Yes, the mayor's here. ♪

Thanks to me,
your former mayor

The children
of bluffington

Are safe
from this, uh...

This brutal trained
k*lling machine.

♪ That brutal k*lling machine. ♪
Take him away, boys!

You can all
relax now.

We're putting that
dog away for good.

Wait! What happened?
Stop!

Let's go.

Porkchop!

[ Porkchop whines]

Can they really
put porkchop
away for good?

I wouldn't worry.

Everybody's thinking
about peace on earth

And goodwill toward dogs.

[ Doorbell rings]

Douglas, are you sure

Porkchop was just trying
to play with beebe?

Of course, mom.

Porkchop wouldn't hurt a flea.

A raving mad
lunatic dog

Living right under our roof.

Judith!

Doug, it's for you.

It's always
the quiet ones.

What is it, dear?

It's from mr. Bluff's lawyer.

They're pressing charges
against porkchop.

Let's see that.

This looks pretty
serious, phil.

What do we do?

Everybody knows
porkchop's a nice dog.

We can get
everybody to say

What a nice dog
porkchop is!

Huh?

We could circulate

A petition saying just that,
and take it to mr. Bluff.

Thanks, mom, dad

But porkchop is my dog
and best friend.

I think I should
do this myself.

See you!

Of course
I'll sign, douglas.

All right!

If tippy was in town

I know she'd want to sign, too.

I'll get the rest
of the town to sign it.

Well, sure you will.

Good luck!
Merry christmas, douglas!

It started out great,
but then...

No, I don't want to be
mixed up in this mess.

But...

He wants to put
my dog to sleep.

Your dog, doug?
They can't do that.

You'll sign?

Sure.

Honey, that's the dog
on the news.

Oh... Sorry.

Woman:
this is christmas.

It's no time for petitions.

It's time for presents
and cookies

And strudel and...

But mrs. Spindle...

This is supposed
to be a happy time.

Save it for after
the holiday.

But by then it'll be too late.

You should have thought
of that before.

It was no use; nobody cared.

They were too busy
with their own christmas.

Announcer:
one brave little girl quietly
recovers from a vicious att*ck.

Thanks to former mayor white

The dog is in custody
in the city's pound.

Action-eye news has put together
this recreation

Of "the nightmare
on lucky duck lake."

Hello, doggy.

Nice doggy!

[ Growling]

[ Screaming]

Help me!

[ Continues screaming]

Hey, wait a minute.

That's not what happened.

This was way out of control.

I had to talk to beebe, but
when I got to the hospital...

Mr. Bluff?

Hello?

I'm doug funnie.

Can I talk to beebe?

Oh! No, sorry,
out of the question.

She's much
too traumatized.

But mr. Bluff, that's
what I want to talk about.

Porkchop didn't mean
to hurt beebe.

He was just playing
or something.

We'll let
the court decide

Whether putting a girl
in the hospital

Is just playing.

But mr. Bluff...

I'm sorry, it's no use;
I just don't like dogs.

They don't have
any money.

That's no reason
to hurt porkchop.

It's a perfect reason.

He's a dog, isn't he?

He's not just a dog,
mr. Bluff.

He's really smart;
he's my best friend.

Take my advice, young man,
get a new best friend.

I knew then I needed help,
and I knew just who to turn to.

Ah!

You!

Quail man.

You know who I am?

I read your
comic books

But what are
we doing here?

Boy:
something about

A missing dog.

Smash adams!

Two marts--
stirred, not shaken.

You're behind this?

Not hardly.

But then, who
sent for us?

Doug:
I did, gentlemen.

I've brought you here because
you're the three greatest heroes

In the world, and together we're
going to get porkchop back!

Doug:
entrances here.

Guard tower, barbed-wire fence.

Porkchop is someplace
inside here.

Our mission:
get porkchop out!

Any ideas?

I'd fly in and ask the guards
nicely to let porkchop out.

I can't fly.

Oh, right.

Race?

I'd go in and start
punching the guards...

Uh-uh.

Maybe not.

Smash?

You'd need some
high-tech gadgetry.

Do you know anybody
who can help you--

Inventors,
technical people?

Boy:
we may have just the thing.

We have worked out
many devices

Here in our
father's bakery

That combine
the delicious flavor

Of holiday baked goods

With state-of-the-art
weapons technology.

I don't want
to hurt anybody.

Then this is all we have,
a holiday cupcake

But concealed inside
is a smoke b*mb.

You simply pull off
the cherry and throw.

Perfect!
No cupcakes allowed.

What?

But that's...
A christmas present

For my dog.

Now, skeet.

Oh, I feel sick.

Oh, oh...

[ Phone rings]

Hello.

Yes, we're keeping
a close watch on him.

Cool, man!

[ Moaning]

[ Laughing]

[ Barking]

Shh! Shh!

Porkchop?

Porkchop?
[ Barks]

"Very bad dogs."

Stop!
Don't eat the...

[ expl*si*n]

[ Laughing nervously]

Doug:
porkchop?

Porkchop?

[ Barking]

"Very, very bad dogs."

Oh, no.

Pork...

[ Barking]

Man:
all right!

Out you go!

No, no!

I just want to...

Please...

[ Fading:]
porkchop!

It was hopeless.

The trial was the next day.

I tried to come up
with some way to save him

But all I could think about

Was the christmas
when I got porkchop.

[ Barking]

[ Laughing]

And then last christmas,
when he gave me this journal.

[ Thunder]

But this christmas...

[ Thunder]

Look, dave, I'm missing
the christmas party!

Call me "your honor," bill.

We'll be done in no time.

Court is in session.

The people of bluffington
v. Porkchop the dog.

Crowd:
ah! Oh!

[ Gasps] porkchop!

Everybody quiet down
or I'll clear the court!

Everything happened so fast.

The special dog psychologist
told everybody that...

Well, in my expert opinion

These close-set eyes
definitely indicate

A pronounced instability
and possible k*ller tendencies.

That gave me time
to try to understand porkchop.

Go to...
Sounds like "rake"?

Lake?

You want us to go
to the lake, porkchop?

Look at him!

He's acting crazy!

That dog's a k*ller!

Huh?

Order! Order!

Then they dropped their b*mb.

The prosecution has but
one witness left to call.

Your honor, I ask that
beebe bluff take the stand.

Crowd:
oh! Ah!

Huh!

[ Dismayed clamor]

Woman:
she's so sweet!

Order!
Order in the court!

Order, I say!

She really was hurt.

You didn't say
he bit her that hard.

I didn't know.

I had no idea.

What do we do now?
I wish I had known.

We should
plead guilty

And maybe we can find
somebody to testify.

What? Plead guilty?
Are you crazy?

Porkchop didn't do
anything wrong!

Listen to me, there's
no other choice.

I know what...

[ Arguing loudly]

Quiet!

[ Light rattling]

I'm going to have
to deal with this myself.

Beebe:
he pulled me across
the ice by my foot.

Oh, it sounds
worse than it...

No further
questions.

It didn't hurt...

No further questions!

You can step down.

Do I get to ask
some questions?

Your honor, I beg you.

She's much too tired to suffer
any further torment.

But...

Isn't she a brave little
girl, ladies and gentlemen?

Yes!

[ Cheering]

I'm ready to render a verdict.

Doesn't porkchop
get to tell his side?

How is he going to do that?

Does anyone speak dog?

[ Laughing]

Your honor, if we could
just go out to the lake.

Out of the question.

I'm not about to haul
this entire...

Please!

Young man,
it is christmas eve.

We all have
families waiting.

That's what
I'm saying.

Porkchop is part of my family,
like beebe is part of hers.

Judge:
he's just a dog.

Yes, but he's a part
of our community

Like everybody here.

Well, maybe not
the biggest part

But isn't christmas
when we're supposed to show

How much we care?

Show how much we care
about everybody?

Mrs. Wertz,
when you went away

Who baby-sat little
jimmy and jeffie?

Porkchop.

Mr. And mrs. Larken,
when your house b*rned down

Who was there
the next morning to help?

Porkchop.

Woman:
he lent me
bucks.

He helped me fix
my transmission.

He saved my hair.

Hmm.

Doug:
judge peterson

After your
daughter got

In that accident

Who taught her
to walk again?

I helped
a little.

Now porkchop
needs our help.

Shouldn't we give him
a chance to explain?

We had better find
something out there.

Court will reconvene
at lucky duck lake.

Beebe:
so I was skating along here,
and he bit me.

Doug:
where were you exactly?

Beebe:
I don't know.

Around here someplace.

There's the pinecone
we used for a puck.

Okay, so I was skating
over there.

Look, he's doing
it again.

He's trying
to att*ck my baby.

What's the matter?

It's just lucky we have
these guards this time!

We've seen enough!

There's got to be
some reason.

Porkchop,
what is it?

What do you want
to show me?

[ Screaming]

Baby!

Stop! It's thin ice!

Somebody help!

[ Gasping]

Man:
oh, my goodness!

That's what he was doing!

He was keeping beebe
from the thin ice.

[ Cheering]

Porkchop!

So in one hour, porkchop went
from being a k*ller to a hero.

[ Sneezing]

[ Doorbell rings]

All christmas day, people came
by to see him, including...

Beebe wanted to ask
if there was any way

We could thank porkchop
for saving her life.

Twice.

I didn't have any idea,
but porkchop did.

So christmas day
there was a fantastic dinner

Like never before,
right in the middle of town

For all the dogs
from the pound.

The former mayor
used his radio show

To find homes for all the dogs

And mr. Bluff himself
gave the toast.

Merry christmas to all

And a special
and heartfelt thanks

To the greatest hero

Bluffington has
ever seen: porkchop!

Hip, hip...

All:
hooray...

♪ Deck the halls
with boughs of holly ♪

♪ Fa la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la ♪

♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪

♪ Fa la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la ♪

♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪

♪ Fa la la la la la ♪

♪ La la la ♪

♪ Troll the ancient
yuletide carols ♪

♪ Fa la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la. ♪