04x12 - Doug Throws a Party/Doug Way Out West

[bunniefuu]

( Yelps )

( Barks )

( Electric guitar playing )

( Man singing scat )

( Barks )

Cool! Whoa!

( Thwack )

( Barks )

Doug:
dear journal:

When I thought about throwing
my first party party

I knew exactly
how I wanted it to go.

Reporter:
the hottest place to be

Is definitely chez funnie

Where dougie d is pulling
out all the stops

For his party.

Inside the petes
are playing and...

Is that?

I think it is.

It's patti
mayonnaise.

Let me see
if I can...

Miss mayonnaise?

Could we
have a word?

Sure.

Rumors have
been flying

About you
and dougie d.

Is tonight the
night we'll see
something definite?

Well,
I hope so.

It's going to be hard
to b*at this soiree

For sophistication and style.

Now back to reality.

Let's party.

I was so excited.

This was going to be
the coolest, hippest...

Huh?

Surprise, doug.

Hey, son.

Let's party.

( Groaning )

( Footsteps )

( Hinge creaks )

( Barks )

That's me.

Hey!

( Barks )

( Yelps )

( Barks )

( All yawning )

* The cheese
stands alone *

* The cheese
stands alone *

* Hi-ho,
the derry-o... *

Who wants to play
pin the tail

On the donkey?

Kids:
oh, man.

( Yawning )

( Glass
breaking )

Skeet,
help me.

This party's
going down
in flames.

I know what
we can do.

I'll put on my
new beet c.d.

Roger:
hey!

This is awful.

I'm just glad
patti couldn't
make it.

( Doorbell chimes )

Hey.

What about
practice?

It got canceled.

I didn't want to miss
your first party.

Yeah... Me neither.

See?

We've even got
these hats
for you.

No!

Wonder what's
under the goofy hat.

Connie got
a bad haircut.

She didn't even
want to come.

We were
just about
to put on

These c.d.s.

Right,
doug?

Uh... Right.

Kids:
* this is the way *

* We blow
it up... *

What was that?

My kid brother's
been messing around

With my c.d.s
again.

Hey, funnie,
great party.

What's next?
Patty-cake?

That's a good
one, roger.

I know a game that'll pull
this out of the dumper.

What?

A little test
of nerves

Called "truth
or dare."

"Truth
or dare"?

They play it at
all cool parties

But if you
don't think

You're man
enough...

Who wants to
play "truth
or dare"?

All:
"truth or dare"?

Yeah.
Sure.

"Truth
or dare"?

I'm not allowed
to play that.

It's not
for kiddies

But anybody who
wants to play
a real game

Come to the
basement-- now!

Everybody
takes a straw.

Whoever gets

The short straw

Goes first.

Phew.

They pick
somebody

And ask "truth
or dare?"

If you say "truth"

They can ask
you a question

And you got
to tell the
truth.

If you
say "dare"

Then you got to
do whatever they
dare you to do.

Then you
get to pick
somebody else.

Okay.

Who got the
short straw?

( Boy guffawing )

That's me.

Pick your
victim, willie

And let
the fun begin.

Hmm.

Larry,
truth or dare?

Uh... Truth.

Yeah, truth.

Okay.

You asked
for it.

Have you ever
watched a film strip

At school
without
permission?

Well, there was
this one time...

Hold it.

( All talking at once )

The game's no good
if you play it

Like a bunch of
preschoolers.

( Whispering )

Yeah, okay.

Okay, larry.

Who do you have
a crush on?

Oh!

( Cackling )

Well, uh... I guess...

I guess I kind of like beebe.

( Screaming )

Oh.

Larry!
Larry!
Larry!

Roger:
give me
that punch.

What
happened?

That's better!

Larry, your
turn to pick.

Who's
next in our
little game?

Mmm... Uh, skeeter.

Truth or dare?

Dare.

Make it
good,
larry.

Uh... Okay.

I dare you to... To
stand on your head

In front of everyone.

Okay, sure.

Come on.
Too easy.

In his underwear!

Go on and say it:

In his underwear!

( Giggling and laughing )

That was the last
lame old dare

I want to hear.

Funnie here's
trying to throw

A decent party, right?

All:
right.

Okay.

Huh-uh.

Patti?

Truth
or dare?

Oh-oh.

Patti...

Hello, lovers.

Welcome to the mush connection.

Our contestant
is doug.

How was his date with
patti mayonnaise?

Tell the truth.

How was it?

Awful.

He took me to
a terrible movie.

Then he tried to hold my hand.

At home, I knew
he wanted
to kiss me

So I ran
inside

And slammed
the door in
his face!

I wanted
to puke.

( Cackling )

Would you go out with
mr. "Lame-o" again?

Never!

Dare.

Okay.

I dare you to...

Kiss...

Kiss...

I dare you to kiss doug...
On the lips.

No! No!

Anything but that!

Doug:
pucker up.

Never!

Here I come.

( Making kissing noises )

No!

( Crash )

Skeeter:
I dare you

To kiss... Porkchop.

All:
ohh...

How lame can you get?

( Barks )

( Smack )

And now
I pick...

Uh, now I pick...
Umm, roger.

All:
ooh!

Skeeter:
your turn now.

Dare.

Give me your best sh*t.

Patti:
okay, roger.

I dare you to say
something nice...

Nice?

About
doug.

Doug?

Shut up!

I guess
he's...

Well, I guess
he's...

( Mumbling )

What?

I said, funnie's
a really nice guy.

Roger, was
that so hard?

Yeah, it was

And now somebody's
going to get it...

In spades.

Funnie,
truth or dare?

Tru... Da...

Tru...

Come on,
truth or dare?

Uh, truth.

The truth ray,
by disenabling

The motor nervous
drive shaft

Renders the
higher cerebral
gearbox helpless.

I will demonstrate.

Ready, funnie?

Try your worst,
dr. Klotz.

Oh, don't worry,
I will.

Truth ray to full power.

I love patti.

I love the way her eyes light up
when she laughs...

The way the raindrops
cling to her hair

After a summer shower.

( Laughing )

I love every blade of grass
she ever walked on.

Stop him!

Somebody stop him!

Don't listen to him.

I hate you, doug funnie.

Dare.

I dare you to kiss
patti mayonnaise.

Oh, doug!

Okay,
roger.

Dare.

I dare you
to go upstairs

And pull off
connie's hat
so we can all see

That stupid
haircut she got.

All:
ooh!

Gee, roger, I don't...

What's to think about?

You got
to do it.

What are we
waiting for?

( Music playing )

We're moving
this party of yours

Right out of
the peewee league

Into the
majors.

Get moving.

( Connie talking )

Oh, hi, doug.

Nice party.

Uh, thanks, connie.

What's the matter,
doug?

I'm not going to do it.

Baby!

That's the most
grown-up thing

Anyone's done
all night.

It was sweet
not do it.

Sweet not
to do what?

Not to do this!

( Screaming )

Ooh!
Ooh!

( Roger
laughing )

Grow up,
you big baby!

( Gasping )

Excuse me.

Well, what's everybody
staring at?

Let's party!

After that, everybody started
to have a good time.

Maybe it wasn't
the most sophisticated party

But it sure was fun.

I don't think it's so cool
to make fun of people

And I don't think roger
will dare

To play that game for a while.

Dear journal:

Sometimes I don't know

How I get myself
into these messes.

( Panting )

( Whinnying )

( Snorting )

Nice horsey.

Nice fellow.

( Snorting )

( Horse neighing )

( Footsteps )

( Hinge creaks )

( Barks )

That's me.

Hey!

( Barks )

( Yelps )

The whole thing started

When patti brought in an ad
for a dude ranch.

Look at
this flyer.

It's all about
riding horses.

Doesn't it sound
like fun?

My dad said
he could drive us.

When patti invited us, it
reminded me of the cool times

I had at my uncle happy's farm
as a little kid

When we'd go
to my uncle happy's farm

And I would get to ride
their pony tornado.

Wow!

I loved that pony, and when
mom and dad would let me

Me and tornado would sleep
out in the pasture--

Just us and the stars.

Boy, skeet, I can't wait
to get out there.

Roger:
why?

Your girls don't
know the first thing

About riding.

You don't
even know

Which end's
the front.

You ever
seen a horse,
valentine?

Besides this morning

When you looked
in the mirror.

You probably
couldn't tell

A horse's head
from its croup.

I'd like to see
you connect a
flank cinch.

Huh?
Well, i...

( Growls )

You never
told me

You knew
about horses.

You've ridden before?

I used to
ride all
the time.

Me and tornado.

Tornado?

Was that
your steed?

Wow!

Hey, what's
going on?

Doug used
to be a cowboy.

I wouldn't
say cowboy
exactly.

Wow, doug, you were
a real cowboy?

He had a horse
named tornado.

Tell her
about it.

And that's when the whole
trouble started.

But old tornado--

He knew if we didn't
get back

That storm would
toss us around

Like a
flapjack.

And the rattlesnakes?

Did I say
it was a
rattler?

Whatever kind of
snake it was

Tornado and I decided
that he looked hungry

And we
weren't to
be its supper.

Yep, and when
my uncle decided

To put tornado
out to pasture

I said adios
to my old pal

Hung up my spurs

And thought
I'd never ride again.

( Sobbing )

Now, now, don't
you fret,
miss connie

Tornado's still out
there somewhere

And he don't want
you a-blubbering

On account of him.

Wow, doug, I
never realized
you were so...

Western.

The more I talked

The more I even started
to believe that I was...

Man:
* from out of the west
came a man with a quest... *

* Durango doug. *

* He's got a powerful stink
and he don't like pink... *

* Durango doug. *

* He's got a rock-hard head
and he eats stale bread... *

* Durango doug *

* Durango doug. *

* He eats nails for lunch and
drinks unsweetened punch... *

* Durango doug. *

* He's the meanest, gruffiest
and all round dustiest... *

* Durango... *

* Durango doug. *

( Whip cracks )

By the time we got
to buck's dude ranch

I was so full of myself,
I barely had room for breakfast.

Now that you have all completed
your riding-level forms

We shall journey now
to the horse barn.

Please follow me.

What riding
level did you
put down?

Patti:
I've ridden
a lot

So I put
"advanced."

I'm good but I'm
nowhere near...

How about
you?

What level did
you put down?

Expert?

( As clint eastwood: )
"other."

All:
wow... "Other."

Man:
patti.

Buttercup's
been waiting
for you.

Thanks,
mr. Winetraut.

And roger klotz,
you'll be riding lightning.

All right!

Oh, man.

( Braying )

Al and
moo sleech

You'll be riding
romulus and remus.

( Horses whinnying )

Oh, is there
a doug funnie here?

That'd be me.

I see here
you're quite the rider.

Well, I have just
the horse for you.

Meet sugar.

( Neighing )

* He's a cowardly fellow
with a belly colored yellow... *

* Durango doug. *

( Door
creaking )

* When there's a hint of
a fight, he runs in fright... *

* Durango doug. *

* He's prone to whine
and ain't got no spine... *

( Horse
neighing )

* Durango doug. *

* Durango doug. *

* He's the scarediest, simpiest
and all around wimpiest... *

* Durango... *

* Durango doug. *

( Chickens clucking )

Isn't he
kind of wild?

A rider with your
kind of expertise

Will have no
trouble with him.

Sugar is
a sweetheart.

You just got to know
how to handle him.

Why do they
call him sugar?

Oh, I'll show you.

( Whistles )

Here, boy.

He just loves sugar.

I'm taking
the beginners out.

I'm sure you can find
your own way.

Happy trails.

Man, I could ride
a pony all right

But that big mean horse?

Patti:
boy, he
looks fun.

Fun? He's a k*ller.

I mean, he looks
a little rough.

Aw, he's just

A big sweetie.

That horse would
probably m*rder me

But I couldn't let patti
see me chicken out.

Are you
coming?

You guys go on ahead.

Sugar and I are going
to head out alone.

Okay. See you
on the trail.

Me and my big mouth.

Sugar, look what I got.

Now, sugar, let's
take this nice and...

Whoa!

( Neighing )

I bet funnie's
cowboy talk

Was a bunch
of hoo-hockey.

No one asked you, roger.

Doug knows what he's...

Here he comes now.

Whoa!

( Shouting )

See?

Ha!

Whoa!

( Shouting )

( Screaming )

( Grunts )

I was really
impressed

With doug's
riding.

I hope he can show
me some tricks.

Yeah, I
could use some
pointers myself.

Heads up--
bridge.

( Donkey braying )

I couldn't tell
those guys the truth.

After bragging so much

Patti would think
I was a big loser.

But if I could get back
before everybody else

They might still think
I'm a good rider...

But I didn't have a horse.

Sugar-- here, boy.

Where are you?

( Snorting )

Sugar.

Hey, boy.

Are you ready to come
back to buck's?

Come on, sugar.

Time... To... Go... Home.

Aah!

( Crashing )

There.

Okay, come on now, boy.

( Screams )

Okay, okay.

( Doug grunting )

At this rate I could
get sugar back by midnight.

( Whistling )

Patti!

Hey, sugar,
where's doug?

Oh, no!

Maybe he's hurt

Or his leg's broke
or something.

Doug!

Oh, no.

Not only was I a lousy rider

But now patti thought
I was in trouble.

Doug, are you okay?

Doug, where are you?

Are you conscious?

Did you fall down the gorge?

Here I am, patti.

Doug, there you are.

Are you hurt?

Is everything
okay?

I made up that stuff
about riding...

( Horse neighing loudly )

I don't blame you
if you hate me.

What?

I didn't...

I mean, what?

I didn't hear you.

All I was saying
before about riding--

Well, I did ride

But it was just
a little pony.

Don't scare me
like that again!

You'll get hurt
riding if you
don't know how.

I know. You're right.

Well, I'd better head back.

I'm sorry.

I'm not done
with you.

Huh?

Get up here.

Yeah?

The first thing
you have to do

Is let the horse
know who's boss.

Do you know how
to make a horse go?

Giddy-up?

No, silly,
leg pressure

And to stop, you
pull on the bit

But you can't pull
on the reins

Like they were
an emergency brake.

Doug? Are
you listening?

Oh, yeah...