01x01 - Fionna Campbell

[bunniefuu]

- Help! Help, Fionna! help!
- Help, Fionna!

♪♪

Hold on, citizens!

Fionna and Cake to the rat-scue!

[ Screaming ]

♪♪

- Help this man up!
- Help us, Fionna!

No! I'll get them!

You have a bus to catch!

[ Grunts ]

[ Both screaming ]

- Huh?
- Aw, chute!

[ Grunting ]

Wahahaha.

Fionna, s*ab!

[ Squeals ]

Careful, careful!

[ Tires squealing ]

Tit for tat, rat!

[ Screeches ]

[ Panting ]

Hyah!

♪♪

[ Squeals ]

♪♪

[ Gasping ]

[ Squealing ]

♪♪

[ Gasps, panting ]

[ Coughs ]

[ Screeching ]

[ Screams ]

Fionna!

[ Screeching ] [ Gasps ]

♪♪

♪♪

[ Tink! ]

Ice Prince.

The ice won't hold him for long.

[ Screeching ]

You've got this, Fionna.

♪♪

Hans Brinker action-go!

Puck him up, girl!

♪♪

[ Screeches ]

♪♪

[ Grunts ]

Wa-woah!

Waugh-hmph.

Cat trick!

Whoo!

♪♪

[ Screeches softly ]

[ All groaning ]

Good job, Cake.

Back atcha, sis!

Good job, both of you!

♪♪

Fionna, Cake, you
are great fighters.

And so funny and interesting.

Will you join me on
my magical adventures?

[ Tinkle! ]

Oh, ice Prince.

Sure thing, bro.

Tell me.

Who are you, really?

[ Imitating alarm clock ]

Huh?

Oh, gob no!

[ Alarm blaring ]

[ Both groaning ]

♪♪

Ughahh.

[ Blaring continues ]

Snooze, minutes.

♪♪

♪ I'm not really feeling
like myself today ♪

♪ Hated every job I've had ♪

♪ What's wrong with me ♪

♪ Everyday's the same ♪

♪ Painfully mundane ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm running
from my feelings ♪

♪ And my fear of
sudden change ♪

♪ Every time I leave
my room I wanna die ♪

♪ Even when I'm
with my friends ♪

♪ I'm alone inside ♪

♪ 'Cause nothing
really matters ♪

♪ And I don't know
what's sadder ♪

♪ The fact I even try ♪

♪ Or that my hopes and
dreams are shattered ♪

♪ I'm not really feeling
like myself today ♪

♪ Ay ay ay ay ♪

♪♪

[ Alarm blaring ]

Hmbrg... Uh!

[ Blaring stops ]

Hmm... Ugh.

"Cheers" is filmed before
a live studio audience.

Evenin' everybody!

All: Nooorm!

Sammy! Set me up.

"Cheers" is filmed
before a live...

"Cheers" is filmed before...
"Cheers is... "Cheers" is...

"Cheers" is filmed before
a live studio audience.

[ Groans ]

[ Meows ] I don't
wanna go to woooork.

[ Meows ]

Wake up sleepy head, it's
my turn to use the pants.

[ Meows ] Bad dream?

[ Purrs ]

I had a great dream.

[ Sighs ] It's the
third night in a row

I've dreamed about a
mysterious ice Prince.

And you were there,
too. And you could talk.

And stretch!

[ Meows ]

I know, it sounds nuts!

But also..awesome.

[ Meowing ]

Buddy, your ears are freezing.

Oh. Your nose, too!

Is that normal?

Maybe I have a fever?

I'unno.

[ Groans ]

Hm, I hope it's nothing serious.

That's the last thing
we need right now.

Wa wa wa wa Cake wa!

[ Sniffs ] Wa, wa, wa!

Wa wa wa wa food!

Wa wa wa wa wa wa wa.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Meows ]

♪♪

[ Meowing ]

♪♪

[ Meows ]

Uhh...

C'mon, weirdo. [ Grunting ]

Weren't you hungry?

You haven't really
eaten in like...

three days.

How about tuna sandwich?

It's your favorite.

[ Sniffs ]

[ Yowls ]

My uniform!

Stop acting crazy!

Ah! [ Bone cracks ]

[ Grumbling ]

That's it, I'm calling the vet.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, see you then.

Bye. Good news, Cake!

We're going to the vet today

But they only had a
lunch time opening.

So, guess you're coming
to work with me, pal.

Please try to act professional.

Bleh.

[ Groans ]

♪♪

[ Refrigerator whirs ]

♪♪

[ Cake meowing ]

♪♪

[ Exhales sharply ]

[ Mic feedback ]

Welcome to Queenie Bus Tours,

"Where bus dreams come true."

My name is Fionna Campbell,
and I will be your guide today.

Do we have any folks
visiting from out of town?

I'm from here.

I'm from around the corner!

Woman: I'm also from here.

I live in the graveyard,
uh, next to the graveyard.

Why do I even ask?

♪♪

Over on our left we have
out oldest building,

the city post office.

In there was a
fire, but they stamped...

Stamped it out!

Heh, yes.

Marshall Lee, everybody!

World's best unknown musician!

Catch him on the corner of
th and Elm in half an hour.

Blah.

Oh! Uh... uh and... and, on
our right, the city park.

Behold the largest outdoor
fountain in a five block radius.

Yay.

It underwent a
renovation years ago.

Who's the statue of?

Dunno, dude.

We're now passing by
the city aquarium.

Anybody not know
what an aquarium is?

- Uh...
- Great.

Now we got that covered.

You know what they say
about the cafeteria.

Please do not
"axolotl" questions

when ordering the
aquarium sushi.

♪♪

[ Gasps ]

Hey, anybody here
into dream analysis?

Because I've been
having this dream

about a cool Ice Prince and
giant penguins and stuff.

It feels like the universe is
trying to tell me something.

Why would I dream
about an ice guy?

I had a dream once about some ice cream... It
could mean, you know, like that one time...

Uh, obviously you're dreaming
about a cool Ice Prince now,

because you just got
dumped by a hot DJ Flame.

That's it. I'm right.

Bro, you got dumped by DJ Flame?

W-Whatever that's not
what it means, okay?

My dream is way
more significant.

I dream a lot about
being a hotdog.

I dream about being a banana!

Mine's too messed up
to even talk about.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Hey, focus.

We all have weird
food dreams, okay?

But my dream is special.

It means something.

I can feel it.

You're bombing, Fi!

[ Meows ]

[ Yowls ]

See?

Cake agrees with me.

♪♪

[ Meowing ]

Woah, hey buddy.

- Ah!
- Ugh!

Cake. No, Cake.

[ Yowling ]

Cake!
- [ Laughs ]

Merciful heavens!

- Keep runnin', Cake!
- I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

My allergies!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

[ Clothes rip ]

That's enough!

Aha!

W-Wuh? Queenie?

W-Why are you here?

It's called a
spot-check, ya ding dong.

I've gotten several
complaints about your tours.

So I went undercover
like a true boss.

And I see not only were
the complaints true,

but you also bring a
crazed animal on board?

[ Yowls ]

I had to bring her.

She's sick or something.

Oh, a rabid crazed animal.

It's not her fault.

Cake's a good kitty!

[ Yowling ]

Whuh. Uh, rabies! [ Grunts ]

[ Yowling continues ]

Stop the bus!

[ Tires squeal ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Smooth driving, Van Damn.

Whatever, Marshall.
You never pay anyway.

Hah, true, true. What?

It'll all come back around.

Don't worry.

He didn't pay?!

Uhh, what's the big deal?

These buses are
always half empty.

It's not hurting anybody.

It's hurting my big fat wallet!

Psh. Whatever.

Rrgh!

Turn in your uniform.

You're fired!

What?!

Mmm... Fine!

I never even wanted this
stupid job in the first place.

And no one even cares
about your dumb tours!

Jesus, stop!

Just bring it back later...

if you want your deposit back.

[ Inhales, exhales sharply ]

I do really need
that deposit back.

[ Meows ]

Ugh, Cake, this is like
my fifth job this year.

Maybe I could be
like, a game designer?

I've got a lot of
good ideas, right?

Ugh, it doesn't matter.

All the jobs suck in this stupid city.
Hey, hey, check out my new mixtape.

And there's nowhere to go...
Tea samples! Tea samples!

Nothing exciting ever happens.

And the people are all boring.

Ugh. Quit wiggling
around, you nugget.

Okay, get this. You
know Jerry from HR?

Oh yeah, Jerry.

Well, he told me he
ate the contract papers

in front of the
client! Excuse me.

I need to get through.

[ Laughter ]

That's Jerry for ya.
That's Jerry for ya.

Excuse me!

Move!

Whoa! Whoa!

Hey, that was an
impressive display

of some real
aggressive jerkiness.

Yeah. You should join
our roller derby team.

We need bodies.

Both: Ugh! She hurt
our feelings real good.

♪♪

Hmm, one latte coming up.

ml of milk.

And froth to degrees.

High and slow.

Low and steady.

Beautiful.

Order for C.B!

Six butterscotch lattes

and three dozen cream puffs!

Ohh, thank you.

Gary, I know it was
quiet a tall order

but my grandkids just love
these little coffee drinks.

Just kidding!
They're all for me!

[ Door opens, bell dings ]

One coffee to go...

Please.

Good morning.

And hello to you too, Cake.

[ Groans ]

Aw, what's wrong with her?

And what's wrong with you?

I'm fine.

Just got fired, my
cat's acting weird

so I gotta take
her to the vet now.

Which I can't afford because,
oh yeah, I just got fired.

That's a bummer.

But maybe this
will cheer you up.

My latest prototype.

Now, it's still in development,
so give me your honest feedback.

Oh, oh! Just needs
the final touch.

A raspberry buttercream scarf.

[ Munching ]

Mmm... good.

Fionna, it wasn't done.

[ Gulps ]

Gary, how long have
we known each other?

Hmm, I don't know.

I guess like, forever.

Then you should know by now
I have zero impulse control

when it comes to sugary food.

I'm gonna make you more,

but this time, really
savor and analyze it.

Dude, I said I liked it.

I know, but I need
detailed feedback.

Wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa.

Wa wa wa wa.

[ Mouse squeaking ]

Rrrr.

[ Squeaking continues ]

♪♪

Wa wa, mouse!

♪♪

Wot's this?

No roughhousing in my bakery!

[ Yowls ]

There shouldn't be mice
in the bakery either.

Phah, bakeries
have mice in them.

It's always been this way.

Since ye olden days.

It's tradition.

Ugh, another one of your
frilly abominations, eh?

Ahhh, wait, don't taste it yet!

The recipe's still
in development!

Oh?

♪♪

Huh!

Let's see how it compares
to the classic choux pastry.

♪♪

[ Sniffing ]

♪♪

Agh, my heart.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Not even fit for a wee mousy.

Hey! What's your problem, BB?

Gary worked hard
on these biscuits.

Lass, this is
Butler's Buttery Buns.

And I say stick to
what's traditional.

♪♪

[ Sighs ] Maybe raspberry
was the wrong choice.

Gary, you should just quit!

Mmm...

I do it all the time.

No, no, no, no, no, I just need
to perfect the recipe first.

It's part of a -step
plan to open my own bakery.

Gotta stick to the plan.

Pshh, plans.

I never make plans.

Right, Cake?

Don't you have a vet
appointment right now?

Ah! [ Yowls ]

sh**t! sh**t!

Here, take more biscuit
people for the road.

Thanks Gary!

Really chew on it!

I want notes!

♪♪

♪ Tumbleweeds and rattlesnakes ♪

♪ Fighting off sidewinders ♪

♪ Rode to town with
my g*ns blazing ♪

♪ Everyone knew I was amazing ♪

[ Panting ]

Wah, whoa!

Woah, you okay?

Dammit, my uniform!

Hey, so what.

That's your prison uniform.

No way I get that
deposit back now.

Wait, did you quit your job?

That's a power move.

Mh! Whoa. These are,
like, really good.

Where are these from?

I didn't quit.

I got fired.

Wah, wah.

Oh! Marshall, could
you let your mom know

my rent is gonna
be late this month?

Uhhh, me and her
aren't really...

talking right now. What?!

But I can barely afford the vet!

Nope! Not gonna do it.

Marshaaaall.

[ Meows ]

But you know what though?
Vets are like a total scam.

My buddy Ellis can fix her up
and he'd only charge you like...

a couple of theeese.

Sounds kinda shady.

Nooo. He's... he's...
He's super legit.

[ Meowing ]

Okay.

What's his address?

♪♪

♪♪

Ow! Ugh.

Rrrr...

Ugh!

So nasty.

[ Grunts ] [ Cake yowls ]

Sorry, Cake.

I wouldn't blunder through
brambles for anyone but you.

Argh! [ Yowls ]

Ugh. If I die out here,

no one's ever gonna
find my corpse.

Aaaghh!

Sorry, traveler.

I mean no harm.

I'm just planting
some weeds back here.

Don't you mean pulling weeds.

If you'll step into
the bushes with me...

I'll show you something amazing.

Yeah, okay.

♪♪

Keep going.

Wow.

You planted all this?

Yes.

Out there my job is to destroy
all the wildflowers and weeds.

Did you know that any plant
can be considered a weed?

What? That doesn't
sound right.

Raspberries, roses, elms,

all weeds in the wrong context.

In here these guys are
chill and harmonious.

My beautiful misfits.

[ Flower stem snaps ]

Behold.

A dandelion?

Taraxacum officinale.

Most people hate them,

but they can grant wishes.

Just close your eyes and blow.

♪♪

[ Blows ]

Yep. That's about sums it up.

Aw.

So, Ellis...

can you help my cat or what?

Uh, no, my name is Hunter.

Goddammit.

You looking for Ellis?

♪♪

Ellis: One for Bruno.

One for Brock.

One for Butch.

One for Stanly.

Wait, Stanly gets two.

Because he gets me.

I love you, bro.

[ Laughs ]

That's Ellis P.

Another "beautiful misfit"?

Aren't we all?

[ Blows raspberry ]

You guys are so lucky
to roll with me.

Excuse me. Ah! Stranger!

Get her, boys! Eat her face!

[ Squirrels chirping ]

Et tu, Stanly?!

Um, Marshall said you
could help my cat, Cake?

[ Groaning ]

Oh, yeah. I'm deeply
connected to all animals

and speak their language.

But what's in it for me?

Omigosh, bagfood!

[ Panting, munching ]

[ Gulps ] Payment accepted.

Step into my office and
place cat on the exam table.

You mean the little car?

Yes, I mean the little car!

C'mon, Cake.

It's okay.

'Aight, what's wrong with
this little kitty cat?

Cake's just been acting
really weird lately.

And I can't figure out why.

Hmm... [ Growling ]

Oh, you're a sad
one, aren't you?

Okay, try not to freak out when
you see my powers in action.

♪♪

[ Sniffs ]

Wom wom wom wom wom
wom wom wom wom.

Open up the channels
of communication.

What's that? Catnip?

Yes, it's catnip!

So, what kinda symptoms
are we talkin' about?

Well, she's been
really restless,

and having bad dream...

I can sense that she's
veeeerry restless

and having bad dreeeeams.

I'm so intuitive.

Wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa
wa wa wa wa wa wa wa.

Cake says, hmm, that
you know what's wrong.

She wants you to tell meee!

I don't know what's
wrong with her!

That's why I'm here!

Open your mind!

Uh...

maybe she's sick?

Maybe she's not
getting enough sleep?

Maybe she feels trapped in
my crummy little apartment?

Well, yeah! Nobody feels
good when they're trapped!

She's gotta get out,
prowl the streets.

Where's she gonna go?

She's a cat in a
sad little city!

Lotsa places, Midtown,
Upper Midtown,

Central Midtown. Downtown?

I'm not familiar. Ugh.

Maybe it doesn't matter where.

What if she's just
bored with everything

and wishes the world
was more magical?

It should be more magical.

[ Purring ]

In my dreams I'm a
beautiful prince.

[ Tinkle! ]

♪♪

[ Gasps ] Cake! Come back!

You're welcome!

[ Meowing ]

Cake!

Come back!

Sit!

I command you to sit!

[ Both screaming ]

Cake, please!

♪♪

[ Meows ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪