02x01 - A Good Opportunity

[bunniefuu]

Okay, band meeting.


- Bret?
- Yes.


- Jemaine?
- Also yes.

Murray? Present of course.

Right.

Oh, yes, item one: Uh, oh, good news: Your cds made double platinum in America.


- What? Are you serious? How'd that happen?
- Yup.


- No, it's the crazy dogggz.


- I thought we had sold five.

It's the crazy dogggz, sorry.


- Wrong agenda.


- Ah.

That's it.

That's okay.

Here's your one.

Item two: Now the library you played, They called me to say that you stole a cushion.


- Did you?
- Mm
-hmm.


- Yes.


- Guys, you can't steal cushions.

No, this is a really nice cushion.

Return it, okay? I think, you know, you'd feel bad If you lived with that for the rest of your life.

Every time someone came around, "oh, nice cushion.

" "Yeah.

" okay? Item three: R Kelly wants to sing on your next song.


- What? Are you serious?
- Yup, shall I find out who he is?
- R Kelly?
- Mmm.

Are you sure that's not for the crazy dogggz? Yes, that's the crazy dogggz.

Oh, it's the crazy dogggz, sorry.


- Where's your agenda?
- Tell him, bret.

I mixed these up.

This is a mess.


- Crazy dogggz
- "dear Murray, We want to fire you as our manager.

"
- What?
- What?
- What's your reasoning, bret?
- You spend all your time on the crazy dogggz And you don't really spend any time on us.

Before you came to me, you were poor and you had no gigs.


- Now look at you.


- We're poor and we've got no gigs.


- We're slightly poorer.


- Are you really? Yeah, bret's only got one shoe.

Oh, bret, is that what this is about? One shoe?
- I can get you another shoe.


- No, it's not about the shoe.


- I just lost my shoe.


- Not a problem.

What size are you?
- Size 9, but it's not about the shoe.


- Get you another shoe.


- It's about
- Your right foot.

Yeah, hi.

Murray here.


- I need a right
-foot shoe.


- Murray, we're f*ring you.

We're gonna manage ourselves.

Right.

I understand it.

Okay, fine.

You know what? Actually, there's another item here on the agenda I missed out.

Oh yes, here it is.

Item four: Stuff you.

Are you sure that's not for the crazy dogggz? Stuff you, jemaine, and stuff you, bret.

And stuff you again, jemaine.

Why did I get double stuffed? I don't need you guys.

You're unneeded, okay? I've got the crazy dogggz.

They're making hit after hit.

"Doggy bounce," number one.

"Doggy dance," number five.

"In the pound," number 37.

It's not gonna stop.

It's never gonna stop.

They're a hit
-making machine.

Look at their Gold records! And just to let you know, your wall it's over there They're fake.

I had to make them myself.


- What?
- They're pencil sharpeners stuck To a couple of bits of wood to make you feel better.


- We didn't win the grammys?
- No, you didn't.

I thought we won "best new zealand artists.

" There's no such category, jemaine.

What about your "best management" award? That's fake as well.

We're going, Murray.

Band meeting finished Forever.

Good luck without me, you turkeys.

rejected thrown away affected I don't know what to say ejected cast out to the sea disconnected they didn't want me unprotected like a baby in the snow ejected like a clown without a show I objected pretended I was unaffected but still ended up rejected like a cake shop without any cakes like a cornflake box without any flakes left all alone in the world like a little orphan girl who's been neglected feel like I'm cut into two or bisected slung, flung, tossed through or trajected treated as though I was infected disrespected Murray? One moment.

and rejected.

Yes, Glen? What was that again? There's a call for you from poland a lawyer.

He says he's been trying to reach you all morning.

Please, tell him I'm not there.

I'm not here either.

I'm not not anywhere.

I did the hustle last night dancing to a rock band, a rock band, baby I saw my uncle last night dancing to a rock
- These guys are pretty good.


- These guys? They'll never hit the big time.

They're too devious.

The crowd likes them all right.

Trust me, though, they're devious.

I know.

whoa, rock band.


- Oh.

Murray, what are you doing here?
- Hey, Murray.

I just thought I'd come and see how you were doing without me.

Just to let you know, there was a lot of things I used to do behind the scenes, all right? Stuff that you guys don't know about.

What, when we couldn't see you?
- Yeah.


- What would you be doing behind the scenes?
- Having dinner?
- No, managing you guys.


- Going to the movies?
- Relaxing? No.

Photocopying.

Haggling.


- Haggling?
- Yup.

Um, higgling.


- Higgling?
- Yeah, do you know what that means?
- Is that a word that you just made up?
- It's made
-up, yeah, but I thought tonight's gig went really well.

We had a big crowd.


- Unbelievable.


- That's unbelievable.


- Hello.


- Hi.


- Hi.


- I'm Martin Clark, President and ceo of great expectations, One of the top agencies here in new York.

I love what you guys do.

You're fantastic.


- I particularly like one of you.


- Oh, thank you.


- This is my colleague, caitlin goodman.


- Hey.

So we just came by your gig tonight completely by accident But it's the kind of accident I like to be in.

We think you'd be perfect to write a new jingle For a campaign we're doing.

Oh, we don't use our music to sell products.

Mmm.

This could make you so rich you'll be sh1tting money.

Literally if you wanted.


- Hmm.


- We might have to have a meeting about this.

Yeah, let's have an emergency band meeting.


- No, please, go on.

sh**t.


- No, please.

Go ahead.

Don't listen.

Okay, emergency band meeting.


- Jemaine? Bret?
- Yes.

Yes.

Present.

Item one: Band merchandise.

I've done the t
-shirt.

This is it.


- What, that's it?
- Yes, this is the monogrammed t
-shirt.


- Well, what's
- I've written "flight of the conchords"
- In tiny letters in pen.


- Oh, that's good.

That's good.

But we can't sell it tonight 'cause I'm wearing it.


- Yeah, I have to wear it.


- I've made the dolls.


- Yeah? Oh, nice, man.


- There's your doll
- And my doll.


- Oh, that's great.


- How'd you get the jacket so realistic?
- Yeah, that's real denim.

And I just want to get some of your hair Item two, item two, item two:
- The jingle.


- Item two: Oh, yeah, the jingle.

I think it sounds like a good opportunity.

Let's do it.

We've decided we'd like to do the jingle, please.


- Hey, that's terrific.


- Great.


- Yes, please.


- It's for a new organic toothpaste
- For women only.


- For women?
- Women only.


- Not many people know this, But women have very different dental needs from men.


- We do.


- Could I try some? Um, I don't think so.

It's really for women only.

What I want you to do is think about it, Because when I saw you guys tonight, I thought, "here's two men Who know exactly what women feel like.

"
- Thank you.


- Thanks.

Great.

All right, here.

Email me, okay? Martinóclark@aol.

Com.

Underscore is your middle name, is it? Why don't you just come down to the office? The address is right there on the card And I need a demo by the end of the week.

Cool?
- Yes.


- Impossible.

Oh.

Yes.

What do women like? Men?
- Some of them do.


- Yeah.

some women like men some are lesbian femident toothpaste.

It's there's almost half.


- That's half of it.


- Women love weaving.

They love to weave.

Nah.

Weaving is a man's game.

Bret You put a woman in front of a weaving machine And just watch her go.

No, honestly, my dad weaves.


- My grandfather was a weaver.


- I thought your dad was a sheep lawyer.

Yeah, during the day, but at night he weaves a lot.

I come from a family of weavers.


- I've never seen a man weave.


- I love weaving.

I'm weaving at the moment, making a pair of trousers.


- Women's rights.


- No, that's more of a man's thing, isn't it?
- Sorry about
- um, no, definitely a woman's thing.

Nah, my father's a women's rights activist.


- Your dad?
- Yeah.


- Not your mom?
- No.

Mom no.

Dad wouldn't allow that.

No way.

They like wrestling in cooking oil on a plane.

Seems like a ridiculous generalization.

No, these women I met, I took them up on a plane, they were making a salad, Next thing you know, they're just wrestling at 85,000 feet.

Do you know any actual women, Dave? Yeah, pretty much.

You said there would be a lot of women here today.

There usually is, jemaine.

I don't know why they're not here.

They're probably just doing brazilians.

They'll show up.

Don't worry.


- Oh, hey, guys.

Come in.


- Hey, Murray.

Well, basically, I just wanted to check in, See how you guys were getting on.


- It's not as easy is it?
- Without me
- it's a bit easier.


- It's real easy.


- What? We thought it would be easy and it turned out to be easier.

So you thought it was gonna be easy And it's even easier than you thought.


- It's easier than easy.


- Oh, okay, so you're telling me It was unbelievably easy.

Yeah, we're doing a jingle for a toothpaste ad.

Ah.

Look, I know what these advertising people are like, bret.

Okay? I've been to bangkok.

Now Monday you're trying to do a TV commercial, They're filming it, it's all about toothpaste, Then Tuesday they're trying to film you naked.

Yup.

Next thing you know you're getting dr*gs thrown at you And all because you don't have proper management.


- Happens all the time, guys.


- Well, it was good to see you, Murray.


- We're gonna
- we've got to write a jingle.

Look, just hang on, okay? Now, do you guys know what professional opinions are?
- Yes.


- You do? Okay.

Do you have them?
- Yes.


- Yeah.

Good, 'cause ieed some.

Take a look at this.


- bounce bounce, doggy bounce
- oh yeah.

I can't stand this song.

OK at that.

Okay, that's not what I wanted to show you.

Now look at this.

Okay? Now, opinion time.

Is that one in any way similar to the first one? Yes, in that it is exactly the me.


- Yeah, it's very similar.


- I'll tell you why it's similar Because this polish one is what's known as a cover version.

Okay? Now the only problem is This cover version came out 13 years Before the crazy dogggz's original version.


- Mmm.


- So my question to you is: Is that bad? Or do you think that's normal? I think it's probably bad.

Okay.

Well, that's what the lawyer said.

I've got two bads.

What about you, bret? Do you think that's bad?
- Mmm.

Bad.


- Normal?
- Bad.


- You think that's
- I think that's probably bad.


- You think that's normal, do you?
- I think it's bad.


- All right.

So I've got so you're normal
- No, I'm bad.


- You're bad?
- Mm
-hmm.


- I've got three Excuse me, I said wait until the meeting's finished, please.

Excuse me.

Careful with that.

That's worth $20,000.

It was a gift from Tori Amos.


- Are you moving office, Murray?
- I'm kind of moving.

Which brings me to item three: Uh, would any of you like to buy a desk? Crazy dogggz, we're onto you! You ruined his life! Oh, hey, guys! Hey, can you believe this crazy dogggz controversy? This is such bullshit, right?
- Hey, Doug.


- You should've seen Doug
- When he heard what happened.


- Hey.


- He went berserk.


- Really? Actually, mel really went more sort of berserk.

Oh, stop hogging the conversation, Doug.

It's rude.


- It is rude.


- I wasn't but I wasn't really hogging Conversation hog.

"Oink oink oink oink.

I've got something to say all the time.

" He's always talking.

Are we going to light this fire or what? You know, I think it's against city laws To start a fire on the sidewalk.


- Oh my God, Doug.


- Hey, good luck with the cd burning.

Hand me that gasoline can, all right? 'Cause looks like I'm gonna have to do this by myself,
- As per usual.


- Yeah, but I don't
- Mel oh.


- Why did you come, Doug, If you didn't want to light a fire?
- What's the problem?
- Do you think we're selling out
- By doing a jingle?
- No way, man.

Some of the best songs are jingles.

pussymart, pussymart.


- I don't know that one.


- You guys are gonna get paid
- Out of the ass for that sh*t.


- That's why we need to talk to you.

We need to negotiate a deal and we've got no idea how to do it.

Well, good luck for you then, 'cause you're only in Dave's house of deals.

The d in my name stands for "deal.

" And did you know that the word "Dave" Actually means "deal" in latino? Doing a deal is easy, as long as you know how.

How much would you give me for this?
- A dollar.


- Double it.


- $2.


- Double it again.


- $4.


- Sold!
- What's go what?
- I just made him pay Nearly 10 times what he wanted to pay in the first place.


- You just manipulated him.


- It's called the Dave
- double
-down technique.

How do you think I got that macrame owl?
- It's cool.

It was a good one.


- Yeah.


- Okay, thanks, man.


- There's your pen.

Just give me my $4.


- Hmm?
- $4 please.


- I thought it was an exercise.


- Yeah, you've got to learn the whole lesson.

That's fine.

I'm gonna waive the tax.

Thanks for the table.

And good luck out there, guys.

The song.

Wow.


- Do you like it?
- Loved it.

You are speaking for women, by women.

There's certain parts, though, That I think could use a little work.

This song is 18 minutes long.

We're talking about a 30
-second commercial here.

We thought it would be more of a concept.

I know you're from new zealand.

What is this, "lord of the rings"?
- We don't have all day.


- Also, the lyrics don't really fit the product.

They're not they're not cohesive at all.

Some of them aren't about some of them aren't about toothpaste, They're just things in our life.


- Yeah.


- They don't they don't make sense Okay, so just talk about toothpaste, really?
- Yes.


- And I have some big news for you.

I've convinced the client To put you guys on the ad on TV.


- Do we get more money?
- We haven't mentioned the money yet.


- Let's talk money.


- We were wondering if you could double it.


- I haven't mentioned the fee yet.


- Forget I said that.

What is what is the fee? I'm sorry, bret.

The fee is $1,000 each.

How about that?
- Sorry, now I'll say it.

Double it.


- I am doubling it.

It was going to be $500 each.

That would've been $1,000.


- He already doubled it in his mind.


- Yeah, I doubled it just now.


- $1,000 each?
- Yes.


- Do we have a deal?
- Oh, that's good.


- Congratulations.


- Thank you.


- Congratulations.


- Congratulations.

You're the femident boys.


- Murray.

Murray.


- Oh!
- Morning, guys.


- Hey.

Actually, get in the car.

I've got something I want to talk to you about.


- Are you okay, Murray?
- Yeah, of course.

Why?
- No no reason.


- Bret, can you get a pencil Out of my stationery cabinet there, please?
- Where's that?
- That's the glovebox there.

Ah.

Oh.


- Here we go.


- Thank you.

Now, I've got something I want to talk to you about.

L I don't really know how to say it.

So I'm just going to say it, okay? Can I be your manager again?
- No.


- Mmm, no.

Right.

Sorry, should've done the
- Bret?
- We you're not managing us,
- So we don't do roll calls.


- We'll just do a This is not a meeting though.


- Please.

Come on, guys.


- No.

Things are going well for us.

We told you.

Things aren't going well for me.

Why don't you get your old job back at the consulate? I can't do that, bret.

I've moved on.

Look at me.

I'm not going back there.

Plus when I quit I told them all to go stuff themselves.

Really? To their faces? No, I wrote it down, But it's the same feeling.

Imagine reading that.

Okay? I've probably been ostracized now.

I'm persona non regates.

You know what that means?
- No.


- You're not at yacht race? Yeah.

No, they don't talk to me.

Are you living in your car, Murray? No, of course not.

It's illegal.

You can't do that Apparently Unless you move your vehicle every three hours.

I've got to go.

That's enough.

Thank you.

Out you get.

Gone.

Both of you.

There wasn't a meeting, Murray.

It doesn't count as a meeting.

Okay, go on.

Nice pants.


- Are they woven? Wow.


- These are man
-made.

you are a woman, you wear women's wear you have breasts and longish hair, oh yeah you're kind of fun everywhere yet you're still very rare, oh yeah you're a woman and you love to weave you're a woman, you have women's needs I know you love women's rights you're a woman with teeth, now take a bite femident toothpaste, yeah for your feminine dental care oh, femident toothpaste femident, femident femident.

And cut.

Very nice.

Cut.

Great stuff, guys.


- Huh?
- Yeah, fantastic stuff.

Now if you'll just fill out these forms And get us copies of your work permits, we are done here today.

Mmm, we don't have work permits.

Oh.

Because you're foreign, you need work permits
- Or green cards, so
- green cards? Yes, green cards.

You do have a green card, right?
- Is it just a bit of card?
- No, it's Just a card, a greenish card?
- No, it's
- Is it like a library card? Are you legally allowed to work in this country? I don't think we're legally allowed to be in the country.

No, we're illegal immigrants.

I think you'd better be in touch with your attorneys.

You bastards better bring your passports in And show us your g*dd*mn work permits.

Hello.

Murray speaking.


- Murray, it'sret.


- Oh, hello, bret.


- How are you?
- Not so good.


- We need our passports.


- Well, you know I don't have them, bret.

They're in the consulate office.

I'm actually just outside there now, by chance.

It's just we're in a little bit of trouble.


- You're in trouble?
- Legal trouble.

Yeah, jemaine's just saying we're in legal trouble.

Well, just calm down.

Are you sitting down?
- Yeah, we are sitting down.


- Okay, what have you got on? We've got blue robes on.

We're not wearing anything Get dressed.

Where are you? Are you in a hotel room? Could you just bring Can you bring our passports and some green cards, please?
- All right.


- Thanks.

Psst! Greg! It's me Murray.

Oh, greg, I just wanted to say All right? Straight up I'm very very I don't know how to put this, okay? There were a couple of messages you had.

No, just give us a chance, all right? This is not easy for me, all right? I wasn't myself.

The things I put in that letter unbelievable.

One from may something about your gym membership expiring One from the prime minister from September And one just before christma No, that's that was a wrong number.


- Okay.


- Is there anything else I can do for you? Uh, no.

No, that's good.

Thank you.

Guys.

Psst! Come here, come here.

Come here.

Well, good news, guys: I got my job back,
- I got your passports.


- That's great.

Bad news, guys: Your passports aren't ready.


- They're not processed.


- Do you have them?
- No, they're in my cupboard.


- You just said you had them.


- I've got them in my cupboard.


- Have you got our work visas? You don't ha work visas.

You've never needed them before.

You've never had a proper job.

This is exactly what happens when you try to manage yourselves.

If you had stuck with me, you wouldn't be in this job situation, would you? What are we gonna tell Martin underscore Clark? I don't know.

You're managing yourselves now.

Look at you no idea what to do.

Right, now listen to me.

If you hire me back, I'll tell you what to do.


- Come on.


- Okay.

All right, okay, you're our manager again.


- Really?
- Yeah, great.


- What should we do?
- You miss me?
- Welcome back.

No.


- No.


- A little bit.

A little bit.


- A little bit? Okay, now here's my advice: I think we should run for it.

Come on, let's go.

Go! Run! Run! Quickly! No time for debate! Go! Hurry up!
- Go!
- Go go! They're coming.

Go! Drive! Good managing, eh, guys? Oh, bret, that's for you.

Oh, man.

I managed to get you a shoe, eh? Thanks, Murray.

That's okay.

You know what? I think there's a guardian angel looking after us.

Murray, it couldn't have possibly gone worse.

Somewhere up there, someone's looking down, Making sure everything turns out okay for us.

I'm sure of it.

there are angels in the clouds doing it there are angels doing it, doing it, doing it, doing it doing it, doing it, doing it in the clouds behind the shroud of the clouds fooling around in the clouds, they're lying feathers flying angels sighing there are angels nobody knows what goes on under those robes pushing and puffing and huffing and heaving pushing, puffing, huffing and heaving pushing, puffing, huffing and heaving pushing, puffing, huffing and heaving in heaven up there they're playing the loving game making rain turning white clouds grey doing it doing it doing it, doing it doing it, doing it, doing it, doing it doing it.

doing it.