01x05 - The Infants of Spring

[bunniefuu]

No more dirty money. I'm
gonna get myself a real job.

Oh! Harder!
GRUNTS: OK.

Yeah! Oh! Ohh!

(PANTS) Oh, shit.

Don't worry. I'll tell
my husband I broke it.

Your husband?

Are you a model?
Nope. Not yet.

Lucky for me.
Really? Why?

It means I've discovered
you before anyone else.

CICADAS CHIRP

'THE WITNESS' BY SJD PLAYS

♪ Oh, somebody.

♪ Somebody help me.

♪ The witness is never safe
till he has testified.

♪ Oh, anybody.

♪ Anybody, please. ♪

HELLO SAILOR'S 'GUTTER BLACK'

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

♪ My luck in the gutter black.

♪ I guess I'm running back...

♪ ...to you.

♪ You in my brain.
You in my heart. ♪

She's gagging for it, Van.

I thought you Asian chicks were
meant to be all, like, polite and
stuff.

I went to a private school.

It's a wonder she hasn't jumped
you already, the way she flaunts
herself.

Harder!

Go for it, Van.

Yeah, and when Mr Hong finds out,
my balls are deep-fried sushi.

You don't deep-fry sushi.

You know what I mean.

No, I don't — because sushi,
by its very nature, is uncooked.

(CHOKES) I mean when Mr Hong finds
out I'm knobbing his wife he's gonna
put my balls in the deep-fryer.

No, he won't.

I'll look after you.

She's the mum, right?

Yes, Munt. Keep up.

I can't help it if their names all
sound the same — Tracy, Suzy. Do
they look the same?

No. Suzy's not even Asian, man.
She's from, like, Howick or
something.

But, uh, doesn't the daughter
want you to root the mum?

She doesn't know I have already.

Well, jack it up so she gets to
watch. That way she'll find out.

But if she finds out, she wants
Mr Hong to find out too, so that
he'll divorce Suzy.

Then you get to root Tracy, right?

Yeah, but my balls'll
be deep-fried, man.

Oh yeah.

First time I made love to your
grandmother, I wore this shirt.

TEARFULLY: Ted, we bought that
at St Vincent de Paul's today.

Don't worry about me, love.
It's just the onions. (SNIFFS)

DUBIOUSLY: Right.

OK, officially, Mum has lost it.

And this is news how?

No, we should actually be concerned.

I was concerned when she went
for that telephone charity job.

She's not cut out for real work, eh?

Then we should do
something to help her.

What, like money?

Yeah, well, that's a start.
No, honey, you don't need to.

Look, just take it, OK,
for ironing my shirts.

Are you sure?
Yes. And I've booked you in
to get your hair done.

Oh no.
No, no. I just want you to look your
best for all these job interviews.

w*nk*r.

My family is officially
a lost cause.

You're a bit too old to
get adopted, Loretta.

Watching Mum trying to be
respectable is like watching
a car crash in slow motion.

And then Mr Family Success Story
swans in, kisses her arse and makes
the rest of us look like peasants.

It sucks being stuck at school.

And you know this how?

Kurt.

Pete.

Light the incense sticks. Bilbo's
monthly trip in from Hobbiton.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Hi, Pete.
Loretta.

How's the farm? ]

Lifestyle block.

Cool.
Good.

Great.

Hey, Pete, you know how I
don't actually work here?

Yeah, it's cool you
hanging out with, um, Kurt.

Yeah, but I was thinking,

while I'm hanging out here,
why don't you pay me?

I think it's the right time to make
me, like, an official employee.

I don't need any more
official employees.

Oh, come on, Pete, gizza job.

The thing is, Loretta, I would love
to give you a job, but I can't.

All these chain stores, man.
I just can't compete—

Yeah. Right.

I get the picture.

We're really worried about her, eh.

Well, what the hell am
I meant to do about it?

I dunno — hug her and tell
her everything's gonna be OK.

You're the man of the house now.You
hug her and tell her everything's
going to be OK.

Yeah, but it'd be a lot
better coming from you.

Oh, you think so, do you?

Look, she made her own bloody bed.
If she can't handle it, then too
bloody bad.

I've got a job for you.

What?

What do you mean, 'what'?

I've jacked up a bloody job.
You say, 'Yes, Dad' and 'When?'

I know. It's just I'm a
bit busy at the moment.

Picking up after the Chinks.

I'm doing OK. Yeah, I've got a bit
of money. Mr Hong gave me a laptop.

Ooh, f*cking impressive, Van (!)

I need you to talk to Sparky.

Sparky?

Jesus crap, Dad!

He needs someone. I volunteered you.
Could be the start of something
beautiful.

Except that he's a f*cking lunatic
with a major speed problem.

It's all lined up, Van.
He's expecting your call.

This is f*cked.

I heard that.

CRICKETS CHIRP, MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY

Knock.
Yeah, yeah, get your hand off it.

It's not on it, actually.

Mum's in her room listening
to country music again.

So?
So you know it makes her cry.

Yeah, well, she's not the
only one with problems.

I don't wanna know, Van.

How much money have you got?

Why?
I wanna give Mum some.

What's that got to do with me?

Well, I don't have any to give her,
and why should Jethro look like a
saint all the time?

Where'd you nick that?

I didn't. Mr Hong gave it to me.

Well, aren't you guys
just buddy-buddy?

(SNEERS)

[ So?
What?

Money. Hand it over.

Oh, for...

Oh, no, I get it. I give money to
you, you give the money to Mum—

What's this?

It's pretty crap. Except for
Vin Diesel, man. He kicks—

Where'd you get it?
It's not out in the States yet.

Oh, Mr Hong's got stacks of
them. Mostly kung-fu shit—

Where did Mr Hong get it?

Gee, I don't know,
Loretta — Asia, maybe?

This one's shit, though. Just
as Nicole Kidman's gonna get
her kit off,

some dickhead gets in front of the
camera. You'd think they'd notice
when they were—

...editing.
Yeah, when they were
editing the film together.

KNOCK AT DOOR

[ Mum, you awake?

What? What is it?
I've been thinking.

What? What? What?

You know, I'm making good
money at the Hongs' house.

Yeah.

What is this?

For-For the housekeeping and stuff.

Oh, no, Van, you don't need to—

No, no, no.

I've been thinking about it for
quite a while, and I want you to
have it.

OK.

It's a lovely gesture, son.

Cool.

Night.

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

CUSTOMERS WHISTLE AND CHEER

f*ck off, jerk.

Robbie, we need to talk.

That's not a happy voice.

No, it's not, because it's not.
It's not happening for me, Robbie.

What's not happening, love?

It. The 'it' you promised me.

All I get is jerks putting their
hand up my skirt when I'm cleaning
away the empties.

Well, Pascalle, everyone
has to start somewhere.

You promised me I'd be discovered.
The closest I've come to that was
when that All Black peed on my foot.

No, I mean everyone starts
somewhere, then moves on to
somewhere else.

Yeah, so?

So if you wanna be discovered,
first you need to be noticed.

Yeah?

The way to get
noticed around here...

Stripping?!

Well, in terms of being the focus
of attention at this club.

But I'm a model-in-waiting,
not a stripper.

Darling, you have all the
attributes to be both. Trust me.

Plus, you know, it's healthy —
adding dance moves to your
repertoire, posing experience.

Look, I'm not gonna pressure you,
but if you do decide to give it a
go,

there's a lady I know — girl who
used to work here, actually — at
a modelling agency.

We can get your pictures in front
of her nose and see what happens.

Which modelling agency?

Stratosphere.

But that's, like, a
proper modelling agency.

Like I say, Pascalle, I want to help
you. I really think you've got what
it takes.

According to Van, Mr Hong has a
warehouse full of new releases
that haven't been released yet.

Kung-fu films, Kurt.
Loads of kung-fu films.

Yeah? You reckon he's
got Enter The Fist ?

Bet he has.

Oh, man. That I'd love to see.

Well, why see it when
you could own it?

Between us, Kurt, we know every film
geek in West Auckland. We just need
start-up capital.

Owning ripped-off DVDs is one
thing. Selling them is another.

Selling them means we're the ones
making the cash. All we need is the
start-up capital.

(SNORTS)

(SNIFFS)

Want some?

Oh, bit early in the day, mate.

More for me, then, eh?
Yeah.

Uh, business is good,
then, I take it?

Which business is that?

The electrician business.

I thought you meant
the business at hand.

Like I was saying, Dad said I should
give you a call, but I'm really
busy at the moment—

You see that timber mill
that went up in Kawerau?

Yeah, on the telly. That was you?

I’ve never been to
Kawerau, Van. Never, OK?

Beautiful though, wasn't it? Flames.

Mm.
I need an offsider. For a job.

Yeah, I know. Now, like
I said, um,... I don't—

Now, Jerome had a bit of an
accident. Never stick a knife in an
electric toaster, Van. (CHORTLES)

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

Now a job's come up,
and I need someone.

Yeah,... um, I know, but like I keep
saying, um, I'd love to help you,
but I-I just...

Wolf said you would.

SOTTO VOCE: Oh, f*ck.

I don't know anything about
electricity and wiring and shit.

Well, do you know not to
stick a knife in a toaster?

Yeah, of course.
Well, then you know
more than Jerome.

Yeah. Look, I just don't think I'm
the right man for this, Sparky, so—

How's, um, how's your mum?

How's that place of hers?

You know you should get the wiring
checked regularly by an electrician,
don't you?

And I would be happy
to pop around any time.

It's all good. We've
got this other guy—

Do you think I'm pulling your leg
when I say I need someone for a job
and your Dad promised me you?

You do? Then how about I pull
your f*cking neck for a change?!

Right.

Where and when?

The thing is, I know my market.
I know what they want.

Horror, sci-fi, martial arts.
The newer, the better.

And I know that you have a warehouse
full of the stuff. So what I'm
proposing is this.

You're landing these things for
what? Five bucks a unit, if that.

I provide you with a list of what I
need and how many units, and I pay
you eight bucks a unit. Cash.

That's over % profit, and
you don't have to worry about
distribution.

What do you say?

Are you sure you're related to Van?

I prefer not to talk about it.

Emma.

Pascalle, you've met Emma, right?

Hi.

I've seen you up on the...
You're really flexible.

Thanks.

Emma, Pascalle's a virgin, so—

No, I'm not.

In the performance sense.

Emma will take good care of you.
Pascalle, you're gonna be a huge
hit. I know that with all my heart.

(IMITATES CHAINSAW)

Drive.

Hey, look, Mrs Hong,
we need to, you know—

Drive.

ROCK MUSIC

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

(GRUNTS)

(MOANS)

(SCREAMS)

(GROANS)

(CRIES OUT)

(MOANS)

(PANTS)

(SQUEAKS)

Oh!
Suzy, we need to talk now.

Ow, my back!

(GROANS)
What happened?

I don't know.

(GRUNTS)

OK.
I can't move, you idiot!

You know we can't stay like
this forever, don't you?

Of course I know that!

Look, you just try and slide out.

I did.

Oh, you mean from under you.

I-I— You—

Ow!
Sorry.

Ah!

Ah! Ow!

I'm sorry!
Oh, just get on with it!

I'm trying!

(PANTS)

Van? Van, why is the car moving?

Van, stop this car! Stop
this car right now! Van! Van!

Oh!

Hold on to something.

Oh!

Oh, shit!

WAILS: Van!

No!

You're ready.

You think?

OK, being honest, with
great tits like yours,

once you take that top off you can
pretty much do anything you want.

The punters are hooked till
you take your bottom half off.

You're still a bit squeamish, eh?

It's not like I'm not used to guys
perving at me. But they have to use
their imagination,

even when I'm in a tiny little
bikini. But up here, they don't
even have to use that.

When you're up there, you're the
star. You're the one in control.
You're the one with all the power.

Robbie said it was empowering.

Exactly. Not to mention it's paying
my way through architecture school.

Really?

What kind of buildings
are you gonna design?

I'd love to do a cathedral.

That would be excellent.

I'm going to be the
next Rachel Hunter.

I can see you as that.

(CHUCKLES)

[ You put the car in a river?

With Suzy in it, in the back seat?

Her back was stuffed.

(LAUGHS SOFTLY) You were
rooting her, weren't you?

Shh! Shut up.

Spectacular work, Van. Dad home
yet? Where is that skanky ho?

Your stepmother is in
her room with the doctor.

What did you tell Dad? That you were
down by the lake feeding ducks?

You did? (LAUGHS) Priceless.
Dad will see through this like
cellophane,

and he is so going to throw her
scraggy arse out into the street.

W-What about me?

What about you?

What about me when
your dad finds out?

I told you. I'll look after you.

Dad.

Where is she?

She's in your room.

Oh, f*ck.

You can't bring this here!

Why not? It's a DVD store.

For DVDs with proper
copyright clearances.

Kurt, I can't believe you are buying
into that corporate bullshit thing.

I don't want to go to prison.

You won't, Kurt. If we get
caught, we'll just blame Bilbo.

Zane, hi. Loretta
from the Video Hut here.

OK, pause Warcraft , step away from
your computer and listen to me.

What would you say if I told you
I have in my hot little hand,

even before anyone in America has
seen it, Freddy Versus Predator?

I thought you might say that.
Well, come down here and show
me the money. Ka kite.

I thought Bilbo had gone back to the
other hobbits for the dope harvest.

Me too.

How the hell are we expected to
run our business with him around?

Hi, Pete.
Loretta.

I've got a proposal for you.

Let me manage the store.

Why would I do that?

I can generate heaps of new business
while you stay on the lifestyle
block.

None of this commuting into town.
You take a fair salary plus a
proportion of the extra income.

More money, less hassle. Win-win.

I'd kinda like to leave
things the way they are for now.

Pete, this is a
once-in-a-lifetime offer.

I'm good, thanks, Loretta.

DOOR SLAMS

You know Asians have
no mercy, right?

Shut up.

Nah, I'm serious, man.
It's, like, cultural or something.

CELLPHONE RINGS

Mr Hong. How is Mrs Hong?

Mind your own business.

Oh. OK.

I've got a job for
you. Pick up package.

McCahon Drive. You go
round the back. You got that?

...

McCahon Drive.

Yep. Cool.

H-Hey, now, Mr Hong,
I hope we're cool about—

(SIGHS)

I think it's, like,
his way of saying,

'OK, Van, now's your chance to,
like, make it up, make things
right.' You know?

Or it's like in that movie, you
know, when they're in the desert

and that delivery truck turns up and
there's this chick's head in a box.

Nah.
CELLPHONE RINGS

Oh, son of a...

Hey, Sparky.

Job's on.
When?

Now, fuckwit.

Does it have to be?
Can't it wait till tomorrow?

'Course it can't wait
till f*cking tomorrow.

I just have something to do.

It's kind of important.

Are you trying to wind me up?
No.

SHOUTS: Are you deliberately
trying to wind me the f*ck up?

I just said no.

Do you want me to go to your mum's?
If you don't turn up, I've got
plenty of time on my hands.

OK, OK. Jesus, don't
have a mental breakdown.

Sorry.

Um, yeah, I'll be there.

Man, this sucks.

I reckon. It's like I gotta be
in, like, two places at once.
Like that's possible (!)

I've gotta do the Hong thing, and
then there's this Sparky thing.
Sparky doesn't take rejection well.

Two places, one time. And are there
two mes? Nah, there sure as shit are
not.

If I don't do the Hong thing,
my balls are deep-fried dim sum.

And if I don't do the Sparky thing
then I get a psycho f*cking
speed-freak electrician on my case.

f*ck, f*ck!

It's no-win! (SPUTTERS)
There's not a shit show, man.

Dude.
What?

Dude.

What?

How?

You pretend I'm me, and—

No, no. How do I owe you? You ring
up in a total panic, babbling that
it's a matter of life and death,

and that I owe you.
How do I owe you?

The thing with the arsehole
lawyer. I did that.

You also scored a few thousand
dollars' worth of TV and stereo
equipment.

I figured that made us even.

Come on, man! I've pretended
to be you heaps of times.

Only cos you thought
you'd get your end away.

You only asked cos you didn't
wanna dump the chicks yourself.

And you kept saying yes because you
thought they might want one for the
road.

I'm your brother, man!

And I can pay you. ]

You look gay.

I look like you.

Like me, but gay.

Do you want me to do this?

Yeah. Yeah.

OK, so you know where
Sparky's place is, right?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

No way am I doing the Sparky thing.
Well, why not?

Cos he's a f*cking psycho speed
freak. I'm doing the package thing
or no deal.

OK, OK.

But just remember,
the Hongs are Asian.

Which means what?

It means that they do things a
little differently, OK? So whatever
happens,

just... just go with the flow.

And don't be yourself.

The way I see it, we're
fighting the good fight.

Against corporate profits and so on?

Now you're with it.

With big corporate lawyers that'll
Napster our arses to the wall.

Kurt, you are such a pessimist.

Can we at least take the operation
out of the store where I work?

But this is the distribution hub.

We'll find a way to get
Bilbo out of the equation.

You sound like Michael
Corleone when you say that.

Hmm.

So where are we at on the
me-getting-my-money-back front?

We're paying the
Hongs bucks a unit.

bucks?
Yeah, and shipping them for .

Initial demand is good, and growing
as fast as the human thumb can text.
But we need to reinvest in plant.

Plant?

Kurt, only the laws of supply and
demand are stopping us from taking
what we buy for bucks

and copying that times over.

That and the lack of technology.
Plant.

So I took the liberty of slipping
something to Zane the computer geek.

Deposit for a burner and a
scanner to print the slicks.

Kurt, our profitability just went
through the roof. And if it makes
you feel any better,

we're breaking no more laws making
copies of illegal copies than we
were already.

Does anyone know if Van's
gonna be in for dinner?

Pass.
Pass.

Guess that's a no.

This is for you.
What's this?

Housekeeping and stuff. I got a
part-time job at the Video Hut.

See ya, Mum.

Bye, love.

You didn't have to do this.

I know, but I figured, since I spend
most of my time there anyway — when
I'm not studying, of course —

I might as well get paid for it.

I'm going.
Bye, love.

As long as it doesn't interfere
with your schoolwork.

Oh, no, no.

Bye.

You're such a p*ssy.

I'd stay, but Mum doesn't like it
when I break several million laws.

Just lock up on your way out.

UPBEAT MUSIC

I ever tell you my
success rate, Van?

[ No, never.

%.

You don't get much better than that.

% payouts. 'Due to electrical
fault.' Bzzt! (LAUGHS) That's my
trademark, man.

We should do another
line before we go. (SNIFFS)

Do you know why I do it, Van?

Because you like speed?

The fires! Do you know why I do it?

Because people pay you?

Because there is nothing more
beautiful than flames.

Nothing.

[ Mm.

Tonight'll be good. The moon's
right. I love watching when the
moon is like it is tonight.

Yeah, good.

Very f*cking good.

Oh, no, no, no, I—

Something wrong with my dr*gs, Van?

No.

OK.

The % man. That's
me, baby! (LAUGHS)

(HOWLS)

DOGS BARK

Mr Hong sent me.

For the package.

ENGINE REVERSES NOISILY

Hello?

Mm. So he didn't send you
to your death, then.

Apparently not.

Do you want a beer?

Wine would be good.

Oh, I thought you were a beer man.

Yeah, well, full of surprises, me.

Wrap your lips around this.

You know, I meant
what I said before.

Good to know.

I will look after you.

She's up and walking. They're
out for dinner. (CHUCKLES)

To talk. Dad's so civilised about
these things, you wouldn't believe.

I'll take your word for it.

They have 'issues' to discuss.

Always the best form of
conflict resolution.

You must think I'm
a terrible person.

Not at all, nah. I think you're
a... victim of circumstance.

And whatever you've gotta do to free
yourself from these circumstances,
that's the way it's gotta be.

What suddenly made you so wise?

You'd be surprised.

CROWD WHOOPS

Good crowd tonight.
Great.

No, I mean it's a good crowd.

Oh, crap!

Well?
'Well' what?

Well, where is it?

Here. There. That.
What, all of them?

Nah, not all of them.
Just the video store.

Mind you, if the whole lot did go
up, it'd be a sight to see, wouldn't
it, eh?

Yeah.

Sure you won't?
Nah, I'm good, mate.

Ooh!

Righto.

If you see anyone looking through
the windows, or any of our friends
in blue show up,

ring me on the mobile.

The work number.

Got it.

FAST-PACED MUSIC

CELLPHONE RINGS

What?
Jed, it's me.

Hey, um, what's the name of the
video store that Loretta works at?

How the hell should I know? Ask her.

Van, don't you know it's rude to
take a phone call when a lady is
doing this to you?

Yeah, point taken.

(PANTS)

ROCK MUSIC

What?
What's the name of the
video store you work at?

The Video Hut. Why?

Bummer.
Why?

Sparky's burning it down.

He's what?!

Torching it.
No, he's not.

Yeah, I'm sitting outside.

And I'm sitting inside.

What?

Shit!

ROCK MUSIC

FLAMES CRACKLE

Sparky!
Jesus holy Christ!

Bloody hell, Loretta. Don't
sneak up on a bloke like that.

What the hell do you
think you're doing?

What does it look like?

You can't burn down my video store.

Your video store? Nah, nah,
some hippy bloke owns it.

And I work here.
Well, I guess you'll have
to find another job. Sorry.

'Sorry' my arse. Put it out.

No! ]

This is my job, and my passion.

Not here it's not.

DOGS BARK, BINS CLATTER

You don't understand, Loretta.
There's not as much call for arson
now.

I have to treasure every
job as if it were my last.

What are you doing?
I'm putting the bloody fire out.

No. No, you're not.

This fire is a work of art.

No, it's not. It's you
getting your rocks off.

Don't you dare take another step.

Or what? You'll set fire
to me too? Sorry, Sparky.

Hey!

CLANG!
Ooh!

Get away from my sister,
you psycho mother... fucker.

I came to rescue you.

Thanks.
Yeah.

You're up next, babe.

I can't do it.

OK, attack of nerves.
This is to be expected.

No, I mean I can't do it.
There's people I know out there.

OK, bad luck on your first night,
but it's happened to all of us.
School friends?

No, the cop who arrested my dad, and
then a bunch of cops who raided our
house a few times.

OK, look.

I've had ex-boyfriends, an uncle,
my intermediate form teacher. You
know how I deal with it?

You remember how it's you
that's being empowered?

Forget that crap. I put myself,
in my head, in the place I most
want to be.

So put yourself in the place in the
world you most want to be. The rest
will go away.

MUSIC STARTS

They're playing your song.

Come to me, come to me. That's the
one. You're looking beautiful. You
look great.

Yeah, keep looking at me. Look
at me. That's the one. Beautiful.
Beautiful.

(SPEAKS SPANISH) That's the one.
Beautiful. It's looking great,
it's looking great.

Good one. Walk in. Walk in.
Good one. Beautiful, beautiful.

Oh my God, you're amazing. Go, go,
go, girl. Again, again. Look at me.
Looking sexy.

Slowly, on the knees, on the knees.
That's the one. You look like a
lion.

Oh my God. Now lie on your back, on
your back. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah,
yeah!

That's the one, that's the one!

Beautiful. (SPEAKS SPANISH)

Come on, come on, give me
everything. Go, go, go.

(SPEAKS SPANISH)

Yeah, yeah! (SPEAKS SPANISH)

CROWD WHOOPS

They loved me!
Yeah, they did, sweet.

CELESTIAL MUSIC

Yep. Yeah, yeah, it's clear.
Tracy's in the shower.

Yep. Come on in.

Did you get it?

What?

The package.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Cool.

Any problems?

Nah, nothing I couldn't handle.

Awesome.

How was it?
Great.

I knew you'd say that.

I made heaps of tips.
Even more than Emma.

Cos you're a star, baby. I knew that
in my waters. And Stratosphere are
expecting you tomorrow afternoon.

You were telling the truth!

I am nothing if not a man
of my word, Pascalle.

The door is ajar.
The rest is up to you.

So, we're cool, right?

I mean, I got the box.

Sure, Van. You got the box.

Van.

Yes.

I am sure you are aware after
today I am disappointed in you.

I had begun to value
you as I would a son.

You betrayed that trust.

You were asked to look after
the car as if it were your own.

Instead, you left the handbrake off.
That car is now a write-off.

What is more, my beautiful wife
was injured because of your
carelessness.

Thankfully, there was
a happy outcome today.

In the course of the doctor's
examinations, they discovered...

She's pregnant?!

Don't sound so surprised. We've been
trying for ages. Aren't you both
happy for us?

That duck-feeding incident — that
wasn't the first time you've f*cked
her, was it?

Not quite.

How long?

Yeah, pretty much since the first
second she laid eyes on me.

And you didn't even think
about using contraception?

Well, often there wasn't time.

She moves fast, your mum.

Don't you dare call her that. And
don't think what happened between
us will ever happen again.

This is a message for Sparky.
It's, um, Pete calling.

Yeah, just about that, um, wiring
job that you were doing for me last
night. I was—

Sparky's not feeling too good today.
Bit of a headache.

Also, it’s not such a great idea to
call a convicted arsonist from the
scene of an attempted arson.

Look, I don't know what the deal is
here — why you want to burn down the
store. I'm presuming money.

I'm going down the shitter
faster than a dhal curry.

Bilbo, that's because you're a hippy
who knows d*ck about running a
business. You're totally crap at it.

And arson? Not the answer to your
problems. That just ends you up in
jail.

I didn't know what else to do.

Luckily, that’s where I come in.
Like I said before, you head on
back to your lifestyle block,

and let me manage the store.

It was a generous offer, and I'm
offering it one last time — take
it and leave.

Bye, Pete.

Here, Mum.

You didn't have to
do that, Pascalle.

No, I made heaps in tips this week.

Thank you, love.

And I've got a meeting at an actual
modelling agency. It did happen,
Mum.

You guys... The way you've risen to
this challenge. I feel like I'm the
one dragging the chain.

Oh, no way, Mum.

You're doing great.
Battling away.

An example to all of us.

For sure.
Totally.

All the way, Mum.

I'm so proud of you.

Cheers, Mum.
ALL: Cheers.

BOTTLES AND GLASSES CLINK

First time I made love to
Rita, I wore this shirt.

Van, pass me the lettuce.