01x09 - When the Blood Burns

[bunniefuu]

When Mr Hong finds out that I've
been knobbing his wife, he's gonna
put my balls in a deep-fryer.

I'll look after you.

Do you really want to play
mumsies and daddy with her?

Well, no.

How the hell should I know? Ask her.

You rooted her, didn't you?

When you were pretending to be me,
you took advantage of me to take
advantage of her, didn't you?

(LAUGHS) We should so go to
Sydney and do that again.

Yes, exactly. I wonder
if Van's got a passport.

Van, have you got a passport?
No.

Damn. Who are we gonna
get to carry our bags?

Like I give a shit.

Oh, cheer up.

Aw, still grumpy
cos that lady hit you?

You sent me for French-cut things
and then changed dressing rooms—

No, Van.
No, we didn't.

BOTH LAUGH ]
I quit.

(LAUGHS) Sorry?

Yeah.

I mean,

f*ck it.

I quit. Tired of being your bum boy,

getting dragged around every chick
store in town getting stared at like
I'm a pervert. I quit.

I freakin' quit, man!

What is going on?

Darling. We've just come
to show you what we bought today.

But Van isn't happy,
which makes us sad.

Oh, is that so?

Yeah. You see, the thing is,
Mr Hong, I don't like being treated
like a-a... man-sl*ve.

Man, yes.

sl*ve, no.

I know I owed you for that antique
I smashed when we broke into your
house and stole all your stuff.

STAMMERS: It was really unfortunate
that your mother broke her hip. How
is she, by the way? Good?

Um,... (SIGHS)

look, the thing is,

I figure whatever debt
I owed you is paid off by now.

The debt, Van, was over long ago.

Really?

You're free to go.

Or stay.
Eh?

You've been a good worker.

I want to offer you a new challenge.
You do well, much more money.

Yeah?

You want?

(LAUGHS) For sure, man.

Good, good. Come.

(LAUGHS)

♪ Lying in the gutter.

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

SINGING CONTINUES

DISCO MUSIC PLAYS, PEOPLE CHEER

CHEERING CONTINUES

CHEERING CONTINUES

This is too tragic for words.

Come on, Mrs D, take the
plunge — make Mr D's night.

Oh, no, no, no. I couldn't.
I never wear these things.

Oh yes, you could.

I reckon you would look incredibly
hot in the Purple Haze teddy set.

Go on, live a little.

All right. Twist my arms. (LAUGHS)

If you buy two, you get this
pair of crotchless knickers free.

What? Darling, look.
Crotchless knickers!

(LAUGHS)

That's great, Mum. Really great.
God, I need dr*gs.

Come with us.

[ I hope it's OK.
What?

You're not a model at our
hoochie-mama house party.

I'll get over it eventually.

We just felt that we
should use real women.

Oh, there I am, over it.

Come on, ladies,
get out your moolah.

Hey, Mum, guess what? Whoa.

Van, baby!

Come to hoochie mama. (GIGGLES)

You know, in all these years, I've
never actually been in Van's room.

Lucky you.

It's just so...
manly.

It's f*ckin' smelly, more like.

DOOR OPENS
Hi, Van.

What are you doing?
Smoking your dr*gs.

Well, don't.

Don't worry, we'll give you some.

So, how are things, Van?

Yeah, pretty good, actually,
thanks, Draska.
That's really great.

I've got some really interesting
things on the work front.

The Hongs give you
a new pool skimmer?

(LAUGHS SARKLIY)

Uh, no, thank you. Gotta keep my
head clear, eh — start my new
position tomorrow.

Management.
Wow.

Yeah. Very f*ckin' wow, man.

If I play my cards right, Mr Hong
said he might put me in charge of
the Lucky Dollar Store franchise.

That's four stores across Auckland,
and looking to expand into Hamilton.

Wow, who knew there was
such demand for crap?
Oh, sorry.

Loretta. I've got to
account for breakages.

(LAUGHS) Bloody hell.

Van West working
for the bloody Chink.

What's the world coming to?

He's treated me good so far, Mr D.

Yeah?
Yeah. Manager, in fact.

Least you speak bloody English.

These people come over here with
their bloody money and don't even
bother to speak the language.

And don't get me
started on their driving.

I shouldn't work at all, but these
lazy bloody Islanders I employ are
always calling in sick.

Sign there.

Hopeless.

Good boy.

Thanks.

Tell your mother I said thanks.
What for?

A little present. Mrs D and I
unwrapped it last night. (LAUGHS)

Ew.

(SNIFFS) Did Mr Doslic fart?

Oh, nah, it's insecticide. We had
a bit of a problem with cockroaches,
but it's sorted now.

You should tell that to
the cockroach on the counter.

f*ckin' things are
hard to k*ll, man.

This smell makes me want to hurl.

But you're a model.
Hurling is a way of life.

Ha ha (!)

Given that models don't actually
eat anything, what do they hurl when
they hurl? Cigarette smoke?

BOY: Excuse me. ]

Excuse me.
Ah. (LAUGHS) Hey.

Good old Chris Amon Primary, eh?

Yeah. So?

So, is pervy old
Mr Jansen still there?

Yeah.
Does he still do that weird
shit with his glass eye?

Nah. The board of trustees
made him stop.

Oh, true.

I'm the manager here.

Have you got any of the
Fuji-ma Royal series left?

Yeah, it's your lucky day.
We just got a new shipment in.

I'm looking for this rare card with
mega-abilities and nine different
power stages, called King Baby.

So open them up.
Yeah, well, I am.

They're pretty popular, are they?

It's only, like, the best card
series in the whole entire world.
I'll have two packs.

When I've checked off
and counted them.
What?

Stock inventory.

Manager stuff.
It'll only take a second.

One, two,...

, ,...

,...

(YAWNS)
... , three hundred and...

sixty-three.

CRASH!

One,

two,

three,...

No, no. Not on my first
f*ckin' day, man.

Look, can I have my cards or not?

What? No.
No.

Screw this, I'll buy them elsewhere.

Well, good for youse. f*ck off.

Dickhead.

Hey, guys.
Hey, man.

How's it going?

Hey, Draska.

That's so weird. I was
just thinking about you.

Yeah?
Yeah. Remember Pascalle's birthday?

I stayed over and your mates
scored those blue meanies?

Yeah — the time I ended up naked
and Mum locked me up in the shed?

Yeah, and you had that
incredible hard-on—

I'm here to see your Dad, Draska.

Oh, yeah. Do you want
a beer or something?

Uh, ye— No. No.

Don't drink on the job.

Wow. OK.

Van.
Hey.

Bloody traffic is hell.
Yeah?

Idiot Asian drivers,
all over the bloody show.

So, what brings you here?

Um, business, actually. Um, I've got
a bit of a problem with that last
delivery of yours.

What kind of problem?
Oh, no big deal. It's just those
cards — the Fuji-ma Royal series.

Unfortunately, somewhere between
Mr Hong's warehouse and my store,

a few of the packs have,
kind of,... gone, like, missing.

Is that so?
Yeah.

Between the warehouse and the store?
Yep.

You mean from when I pick
it up to when I deliver them?

Oh, no, no, hang on.
I wasn't saying that.

Not saying what?

That I am f*cking thief?

Hang on. I'm looking for
an explanation here, OK?

The explanation you want is that
me and my boys are f*cking thieves?

I never even mentioned them.

How dare you, of all people, come
into my business and accuse me of
being thief?

Papa.

I come from good people, honest
people, made strong by our travels.
And you — what are you?

Huh? Scum. Criminals.
Your father is in jail.

Hey, taihoa, Mr D. There is no—

And your mum is reduced to selling
dirty knickers to fat old ladies.

Hang on. Your wife
bought some, didn't she?

Are you calling my wife fat?

No. For f*ck's sake, Dad,
he didn't mean it like that.

You watch your mouth.

No, no, I really
wasn't calling Mrs D fat.

We have not stolen anything from
you or that tight-arse Chink you
work for.

Now get out! Before
I cut your balls off!

OK, OK. Jesus. Keep your
hair on, I'm going.

(SPEAKS SERBO-CROATIAN)

[ DRASKA: Papa!

What did you say?
Nothing.

I said, 'A dog f*cked your mother.'

Mate, that was not a
very nice thing to say.

YELLS: Dirty,

thieving

Dalmatian scum!

(ROARS)

OK. Now, to be fair, we don't
know for certain it was the D's.

Dirty Dalmatian thieving scum.
They pay for this! We cancel their
contract now!

Calm down, Dad. You know,
when we've got some proof—

We do not need proof!

They are fired!

CRASH!

I knew it was stupid putting
you in charge of a store.

What? Someone else starts ripping
us off and you start blaming me?

Welcome to management.

Well, it's only my first bloody day.

I don't care. Sort it out.

Who made you boss of everything?

He did.

Oh. OK, then I will sort it out.
And you want to know how?

Dazzle me.

OK. Right, someone's
stealing the cards, right?

And then they're selling them.
So that means someone's buying
the cards.

Brilliant summary of
the black market economy.

Ta. And it is also how we trace
the cards back to who stole them.

Look, fine — do what you have
to do to keep your job.

What do you mean, 'keep my job'?

You can figure that out while
you search for my father's stolen
property.

All right.
And for goodness sake,
do it quickly and quietly.

FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS

God, is there anything more boring
than a room full of lawyers?

A room full of accountants? (LAUGHS)

Oh, that's it. I'm going home.

I'm not boring, am I?

No, Jethro. You are scintillating.

Oh, I reckon.

Night, man.

Tracey Hong.

Well, well. If it
isn't the other Mr West.

Nice to see you again.
What brings you here?

Oh, meeting a friend.

You?
Drinks with my esteemed colleagues.

Weren't you leaving?

Thank you, Savannah.

Can I get you a drink?

No. But an apology might be nice.

Apology for what?

I think you know.

(LAUGHS) Look, if it makes you feel
better, people get us mixed up all
the time.

Hm. Strangely, no, that doesn't
make me feel any better.

OK, but you have to admit you did
end up with the more desirable
brother.

I didn't 'end up'
with anyone, Jethro.

Oh, look. Here's my friend.

Lotus blossom.

(LAUGHS) Hello, Hugh.

Oi.

Yeah, you. Come here.

What?
Remember me? You were
after those cards.

The Fuji-ma Royal pack?

Yeah.
So?

So, I need some information.

What kind of information?

You seen anyone around
selling them cheap?

Oh, yeah...

Maybe. That depends.
Depends on what?

What's it worth?
Eh?

If I tell you, what's it worth?

(SIGHS) Hang on. I've got some
lollies in here somewhere.

What kind of lollies?
Here. Pineapple Lumps.

I don't like Pineapple Lumps.
Got anything else?

Oh. Jesus. I think I got a
Peanut Slab in here somewhere.

Oh, I'm allergic to peanuts.

Ah, for f...

Here. bucks. Buy
your own damn lollies.

OK.

The thing is,...

nah.

Nah what?

Nah. No one.

Laters.

(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
Oh, you evil little shit.

ENGINE STARTS

I know Tracey from varsity. One of
my flatmates was shagging her for a
while. Real screamer, as I recall.

Right. Why do you ask, Jethro?
(ASIAN ACCENT) Like Asian
takeout now and then?

No, Hugh. Just met her a
couple of times, that's all.

Just wondered why she's with a moral
degenerate like you. She a f*g hag?

We're just friends, that's all.

Yeah, good old Mr Hong's going to
be throwing some business our way.

Is that right?
Yeah. Tracey's finding
him a new law firm.

In fact, here she is.

So, you earn the brown dollars
and I'll look after the... (ASIAN
ACCENT) yellow peril, eh?

Tracey.
Hello, Hugh.

Right, Mr Stierson is expecting us.

Um, you're drooling.

What? I am not.

You are. You're drooling.

Have you got work to do?

(LAUGHS)

Mrs D. Come in.

Uh, no, I won't, thank you.

I just come to say I won't be able
to host your next hoochie mama
party.

Oh, that's a shame. You seemed
to enjoy the other night.

Well, yes, OK. That was before your
son accused my family of stealing.

No.
Yes, Van. He come to us, he tell
my husband he steals these cards.

I'm sorry, you've
lost me. What cards?

I don't know. Some stupid bloody
kids' game. But, you know, my
husband, he's very angry.

This brings shame on the family.

Yeah, but Van would never say
that, you know? Not unless...

MEANINGFULLY: Oh, OK.

OK. You know what?

You can stick your filthy
undies up your bottom.

How was your meeting?

Very productive.

You look pleased.

Your name came up.
Really?

As a shining example of your firm's
dedication to cross-cultural
relations.

Tell me, how long is
it you've been Maori?

Half Maori.
On which side?

The Maori side.
Van never mentioned this.

He's still denying
that side of himself.

He certainly is.

Sorry, by the way.

Excuse me?

You wanted an apology for what
happened between us. There it was.

Was it?
Yeah. Sorry. Oop, there it
goes again — action replay.

Right.

Sorry,

and it will never happen again.

Unless you want it to.

No.

You sure? It seemed
pretty good last time.

No to the apology. Not that it
was even an apology to say no to.

Yes it was.

No it wasn't. It was someone opening
their mouth and saying, 'Sorry, by
the way.' Not an apology.

Oh, Tracey.

f*ck.
THUD, ALARM RINGS

Why have a go at Mad Dog Doslic?
You know what Dallys are like.

I didn't have a go at him.

You called his wife fat.

No.
I heard.

I didn't! Well, I may have,
but it was a mistake.

Remember Tiny Evans?
Yes.

One insignificant insult,
and next thing you know,

you've got the Armed Offenders Squad
on the doorstep, you've got dogs,
gas, g*ns — the works.

That's great, Eric, but what I want
to know is who's nicking these
cards.

What's so special about these
Fuji-watchamacallits anyway?

Latest craze. Can't get them
in the country fast enough.

Mm.

Don't even think about it.
You see anything, you come to me.

Why? Thanks to your mother, I'm
struggling to earn d*ck — I'll take
whatever comes.

The picky-choosy days
are over, my son.

Eric, I'm running my own business
now, and no one is going to rip me
off, OK?

Oh, well, that's a great
consolation, yeah. Thanks very
f*ckin' much (!)

God, you know how sensitive
Mrs D is about her weight.

I didn't call Mrs D fat.

Now I've gotta find somewhere
else to host that party.

Look, I'm sorry, OK?

No, not OK. I'm pissed off.

It wasn't my fault.

Slobodon Doslic spat at
me in the street today.

He what?
Did it hit you?

Nah, it got this kid
behind me smack in the face.

It was funny. Then he raved on about
how the Wests are white trash scum
and deserve to die.

He didn't.
Draska said her dad and brother are
taking revenge, old-country style.

What? Against Van?

Against all of us, because of Van.

What kind of old-country style?

I dunno, but it doesn't sound good.

If they lay one finger
on this family...

Remember Tiny Evans? Slicedhis
finger off. Said it was the last
time he'd point it at them. (LAUGHS)

Hi.
What do you want? Make it fast
— I've got shit to deal with.

OK.

OK. Look, firstly, I just want
to say how upset I am about this
misunderstanding we're having.

I'm not a person that likes to get
on the wrong side of anyone, and
frankly, I'm losing sleep over it.

(LAUGHS) Really?

Yeah, really.

I'm a good person, Tracey. OK, maybe
I make some bad judgement calls,

but... I really don't want
you to think badly of me.

Well, I'm pleased
to hear that, Jethro.

So,...

I hereby...

unreservedly apologise.

Does that make you feel better?

Lots.
Well, that makes one of us.

I still think you're a prick.

Come on, what's it gonna take here?

That wasn't an apology. That was
all about you — 'I'm a good person,
blah blah.'

Get over yourself and
stop wasting my time.

MEN SPEAK CHINESE

(SPEAKS CHINESE)

Oi. Who are those guys?

Oh, Dad's called in help.

What? A few cards go missing
and he calls in the bloody triads?

Why do you assume that because we're
Chinese, we're associated with the
triads?

So they're not—?
No. They're... associates.

Tracey, I'm sorting it, OK?

No you're not. All our
stores have been hit.

What do you mean, hit?

Well, you know the cards?
They've all had cards stolen.

For a second, I thought
you meant armed robbery.

(LAUGHS) Give it time.

Oh, and Dad wants you
to stay here tonight.
Why?

To be a guard in case
the Dallys attack.
What?!

MEN FALL SILENT

Hey.
Well, that's the word on the street.

Yeah, but why does it have to be me?

Because, Van, you started it.

Oh, f...

MEN RESUME SPEAKING IN CHINESE

TYRES SKID

This is really cool, eh?
This secret-meeting shit.
It's really hot and dangerous.

It would be if your old man knew.

He said if he saw me near you, he'd
shish-kebab and barbecue your balls.

Oh, for f*ck's sakes.

He doesn't know I called, right?

No way.

(SIGHS) Good.

I love that you did, though.

We've gotta sort this out.
Everyone has gone mental.

It's like we're in a movie,
like Romeo and Juliet.

But Leonardo's not
as cute as you are.

Mr Hong has freaky Asian dudes
hanging around the warehouse.

Dad's been spending time in the shed
with his mates, and now Uncle Ivan
has come over from Melbourne.

What?

Oh, shit!

f*ck!

SIGHS: f*ck.

I feel really sorry
for you, you know?

If there is anything
that I can do to help...

No... No, no.

Bad idea.

I shouldn't have told you
about the kebab thing.

This is serious, Draska.

Hong's got me guarding the f*ckin'
warehouse cos he's f*ckin' scared
your lot's gonna turn up... tonight.

I probably shouldn't have
told you that, right?

I would never betray you, Van.

Maybe that's what my dad and his
mates have been talking about.

Oh my God.

(SIGHS)

Oh, you poor thing. It's like we're
caught in the middle of a w*r that
has nothing to do with us.

Don't worry.

I'm here for you.

She's right.

f*ck off. She is not.

You are incapable of apologising.

I am not.
You are and you always have been.

Bullshit. I say sorry all the time.

Yeah, but you never mean it.

Yes, I do.

OK. Would you like a demonstration
of how you apologise?

Go on, then.

What's the sound of
one hand clapping?

What?
SLAP!

Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I just have
no idea what came over me. I'm
really really really sorry.

Yeah, yeah. Very funny (!)

See, you think you
apologise, but you don't.

So who is it?
What?

The one you can't apologise to?

Oh, doesn't matter.

Is it her?

Casablanca tonight?

The DVDs were for the weekend.

Yeah. We can lie in bed and watch
Casablanca tonight, though.

Oh, no. Sorry.

Did I not mention I've
got a client dinner?

No.

Yeah. Sorry.

I'll just go put it back, then.

Total crap at it.

Ow!
Ooh!

HORN TOOTS

HORN BLARES

Bleugh!

We can take Doslic and his greasy
family to the cleaners. They won't
know what's hit them.

Good, cos I want them out
of my life, like, yesterday.

Doslic?
Yes.

Are we talking Stefan Doslic here?

I'm taking my advice from Hugh.

Yeah, but I grew up around
these people. I know them.

Surprise, surprise (!)

You don't like each other, do you?

If Hugh's advice is to
sue the D's, he's a fool.

Hey.
Whatever you do, the D's will
go further. It's their way.

Right, the whole Eastern European
code of honour bullshit. Please.

Legal action, like they give a shit.

This family will go on fighting
beyond the point of sanity.

And your capacity to
pay our exorbitant fees.

Oh, now that's it. I'm talking
to Stierson about you.

So it's all about... honour?

It's about honour and saving face.

Ultimately, finding
someone else to blame.

Now, about us.

(LAUGHS) What 'us'?

You have to understand why I did it.

I know why — quick f*ck, no strings
attached. Every man's dream.

Look, me and Van, it's
the way it's always been.

Oh, please.

I'm just saying he's helped
me out of a few tight spots.

Break-ups, trouble at
school, that sort of thing.

And you do the same for
him. That's very sweet.

Well, it sometimes has its benefits.

So you understand?

Yeah, I think I do.
Cool.

But you're still an arse, Jethro,
and you still haven't apologised.

FOREBODING ASIAN MUSIC PLAYS

DOOR OPENS

(SHOUTS)

Munter? f*ck!

Man, you scared the shit out of me.

I thought you were one of them
ninja guys with the nunchuckus.

What are you doing here?
What am I doing here? What
the f*ck are you doing here?

Nothing.
Nothing?

Bullshit. You're the guy,
man, stealing the cards.

Maybe.
Maybe? You've got a
f*ckin' bag of them, man.

OK.
So?

So, dude, how long have
you been doing it?

Two weeks. Look, I got a mate
in Whangarei flicking them off.

Hang on. How did you get in here?

I used the keys you gave me.

Mr Hong is always pissed
at me cos I keep losing them,

so I figure if I know...
you've got spares, then—

Oh, so you just decide you'll start
stealing off your mate. f*ckin'
choice, bro (!)

Oh, not from you. Look, man,
Mr Hong's loaded. He can spare
a couple of G.

How did you get past the alarm?

What's in there?
JD's.

How much?

Case. But we'll only take a bottle.

URINE TRICKLES

OK.

Eight,

six,

oh,...

Dude, you're
pissing on my f*ckin' leg.

Oh, f*ck. Sorry, bro.

Three. You're still doing it.

Oh, f*ck!

Oh my God.
Hey, bro, I've made about bucks.
I reckon if you're here every night—

Do you realise what
you've done, you dumb f*ck?

Not all of us are on
Mr Ka-ching's payroll, OK?

And don't call me a dumb f*ck, OK?
Cos you, you're the dumb f*ck.

f*ck you, you dumb f*ck.

Who? f*ck me? Nah, f*ck you!

f*ck you, m*therf*cker!

CRASH!

Let go!
I'm not f*ckin'— Get your finger
out of my f*ckin' ear!

CRASH!

Ow!

f*ckin' d*ck.

CRASH!

WEAKLY: Ow, man. ]

Oh, f*ck. You OK?
I banged my head.

Gizza look.

ALARM WAILS

Oh, far out.

I'm really sorry, bro,
but gotta make a living, eh?
See you soon, eh?

OK.

The last thing I need on my
pitch is a bloody race w*r, OK?

OK?

He was an older guy,
you know? And... he was stocky.

Was he, like, Maori? Caucasian?

Uh, white. Yep.

But he had, um— like, his
hair was really dark... grey.

Grey.
Yep.

And he had huge big arms, man, with,
like, sailor's tats on them — like,
love hearts and that kind of stuff.

Yep, and he had a moustache,
and he was foreign.

Foreign?

Yep. He had an accent
and everything.

What kind of accent?

Oh, Australian.
Australian?

Yep. Australian.
Definitely Australian.

CROWD SHOUTS

MR DOSLIC: Don't worry, Ivan.
Someone will pay for this.

Why? Why? Why am I so stupid!

I can't believe it!

I'm telling you, I made that up,
man. I've never seen your Uncle Ivan
before in my life.

Why didn't you say he was Tongan or
something, like everyone else does?

I dunno. I got on a roll.

Look, Van, it's OK. Uncle Ivan's
been really cool about it, all in
all.

I guess you have to be
when you're a priest.

Uncle Ivan's a priest?

Mum called him because he's the only
one who can talk sense into Dad.

Oh my God.

Anyway, now he's arrested, Dad's got
the whole Dally community totally
worked up.

Great (!)
Don't worry. It's not your fault.

It is my fault, Draska.
I practically told Munter
how to break into the place.

Munter's been stealing the cards?

I shouldn't have told you that.

Look, what happens between you and
me stays between you and me, OK?

OK?

OK.

But... he's my best mate, you know?

He's my best mate.
I can't dob him in.

It's gonna be OK.

I'm gonna do whatever it takes
to make this right, you know?

Even if it means putting
my own head on the block.

No, Van. You don't have to do that.

It's exactly what I have to do.

Hello?

Hello?

Boo.
F... Hey.

Where is everyone?

New strategy. On the advice
of your evil twin, actually.

Jethro?
You have another twin?

Well, when did he come into this?

Round about the time he shagged me,
pretending to be you.

Stop screwing me round and tell me.

Jethro pointed out that legal action
was never going to work with these
people.

They have their own
forms of justice.

Yeah, and?

So Dad and the boys have
gone to see Mr Doslic.
What?

No cops, no lawyers. We're settling
this outside the law. The old way.

TYRES SCREECH

PEOPLE TALK FAINTLY

No, you shouldn't say that,
because you are a very good man.

LAUGHS: Oh. Van, my boy! Hey, hey!

Come and join us. Have a drink.

Yes, yes. Sit, sit. Drink.

OK.
Yes, it is... OK.

Our differences have been sorted.

OK.

But there is one thing you must do.

To make everything right.

Mm. You know my brother, Ivan?

Oh yeah, I'm really sorry about—

He loves to be in prison. (LAUGHS)
More sinners for him to preach to.

But if I'm to get him back to
Melbourne and the hell out of my
life, you must clear his name.

You have to tell police
you got the wrong man.

That you remember now
who really did it. ]

Yeah, now we really really
need to clear this one up.

It was an Islander.

Tongan.

You were confused by the bang
on your head. Tell them that.

Yeah, but that's not
who really took them.

We know.

You do?

We have taken care
of the real thief.

You have?

Yeah, Draska found out who it was.
I'm sorry, Van, but sometimes old
ways are better than new ways.

So,... what exactly
did you do to him?

BOTH LAUGH

Yep.

Yeah, his name's Munter.

Oh, his real name's, uh, Jared... we
always just call him Munter. Mason.

That's it — Jared Mason.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Are you sure?

Hang on.

Sorry. Uh, I heard he got dropped
off at the front door by a bunch of
Asian and Dally guys.

LOUD KNOCKING
Hang on!

No, sorry.

Yeah, that's him. All smashed up.

LOUD KNOCKING

When did he check himself out?

And you're sure his
name wasn't Munter?

What the f*ck happened?!

Never mind.

I'm sitting in the shop
minding my own business,

next thing I know I'm getting the
shit kicked out of me by half the
West Auckland United Nations.

You— But I don't get it.

Yeah, well, I sold some
of those Fuji-wuji—

Oh, you fuckwit.

Munter brought them in, good price.
You're right, too — they flew out
the shop once word got round.

So, hang on, why didn't
they beat up Munter?

Well, how the f*ck would I know?

Yeah. I'll... I'll get you a drink.

I've worked it out.

Have you?

My inability to apologise.

See, the thing is,
I'm not sorry at all.

Not in the slightest. In fact, you
wouldn't believe how not sorry I am
that I slept with you.

And why would I be?

When it was the best
f*ck I've ever had.

I'd have to be crazy to apologise
for something like that.

So that's it, then?
For your apology?

Yep.

So, what are you having?

I'm having what you're having.

You're really good
people. Good people.

OK, now look. These
ones are krostule,

and these are fritule.

What's a fritule?

Deep-fried dough balls.

UNENTHUSIASTICALLY: Mmm. Yummy.

Ja, they're good.
They're good.

OK, OK. Let's drink again
to our great families.

ALL: Hey.

Very good.

Ah.
Mm.

Darling, you know those undies you
sold me? (WHISPERS) You know the
pants with no crotch?

I'm wearing them now.

(LAUGHS) Really?

Wow. Mrs D.

Hi, Van.

Fu—

Hey.

How did you get in here?

I climbed through your window.

Oh, OK.

Van, you know at the end of Romeo
and Juliet, Romeo thinks Juliet's
dead and he kills himself?

Draska, I haven't seen the movie,
so I don't know what you're talking
about.

It doesn't all have to
end tragically, you know.

That's why I pointed the finger at
Eric. Look, I didn't want you to cop
it, and I know Munter's your mate,

so I thought it'd be a good idea.

Except for Eric.

I told them not to break anything.
Plus, no one really likes him that
much, do they?

Well, true. (LAUGHS)

And he did sell those cards
after I told him not to.

So call it karma, then.
And it's over.

Yeah.

And you're safe,

which is the main thing.

Thank you.

What for?

I dunno. Like, believing
in me or something.

I always believe in you, Van.

God, when you smile...

♪ Let's get down.

♪ Let's get down.

♪ Let's hang out together.

♪ Ooh, let's get down. ♪

♪ Lying in the gutter.

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.' ♪