03x13 - To Sleep; No More

[bunniefuu]

Well, you know that knicker
company you've got going?

Do you need someone to
run the business side?

(SQUEALS WITH DELIGHT)

CROWD CHEERS

Don't touch me. You're a monster.

You're my fiance.

I would not marry you if you
were the last woman on earth.

You didn't seem so keen
on the eggplant.

Yeah, the dinner was lovely.
I'm just not that big on eggplant.

Sorry.

Kase, the dinner was lovely.

Yeah, apart from the eggplant thing.

Oh God. Just shut up and have
another wine, will you?

Hold on. I have got
something for you.

(INHALES)

Mr Judd, I'm shocked. You inhaled.

I'm sure you'll get over it, Munter.

You're an upright citizen.

(LAUGHS) Not for much longer.
That's good stuff, mate.

Te Puke's finest.

You getting my boyfriend
whacked, Munter?

I do believe I am. He might need it.

This is for you.
Oh, for me?

Well, for both of you, but, um...
Just open it. You'll see.

It's a Love Sock.

Oh right. A love—

Sock.

Oh, so it's not for your foot, then?
No.

I designed it. I've been working on
the idea — with Munter's help. It's
what we should do next.

Do?
At Hoochie Mama. I want to
design underwear for men.

Hoochie Daddy or Hoochie Boy.

With the Love Sock?

Hey, take it home. Try it out.
It will rock your world. Trust me.

OK. Well, that's what we'll do,
then. Won't we, Hoochie Daddy?

HELLO SAILOR'S 'GUTTER BLACK'

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

♪ My luck in the gutter black.

♪ I guess I'm running back...

♪ ...to you.

♪ You in my brain.
You in my heart. ♪

Turn it off.
Sorry?

Turn the f*cking light off.
Is that so hard to understand?

OK.

Where is everyone, Pascalle?

Kamchatka. I like it as a word.
I bet it's a sh*t-hole, but it
sounds nice.

Are you going to inv*de it or not?

You bet your lily-white ass I am.

Bring it on, cannibal.

(LAUGHS) Oh! Oh! Oh! Get off.
Hey, Van. How's things in Australia?

It's mine, and you can't have it.

What are you guys doing down here?

Plotting world domination
from Australia.

Are you guys hiding?

Oath we are.
All Van's fault.

Well, how the f*ck was
I supposed know?

You ordered the pizza.

Why do I have to get the pizza?

Because we're getting ready
to take over the world.

Which way?
Other way.

Get on with it, you useless pricks.

ROMANTIC MUSIC

Bruce?

Pizza.

Pizza is Spanish. So how am
I supposed to know that they're
going to send an Indian?

They all look the same.

Yeah, like Cook Islanders.

And you can take your f*cking pizza!

And then she turned on us.

Yeah, it wasn't pretty.
Even from one so beautiful.

You— you are all pricks —
pricks with pricks —

and I want to cut them all off, so
there'll be no more pricks left in
this poxy world!

So, you all bravely ran away (!)

You weren't there.
Yeah, it was pretty scary.

No, this is good.
Like f*ck it is.

She's moved to the next phase
in getting over it —

from the crying to the anger.

Bring back the crying, I say.

I miss the crying.

Dinner went really well tonight, eh?

Yeah, the eggplant thing
was awesome.

Cheryl is gonna love the Love Sock.

I bet they're using it right now.

It's all thanks to you, the
Love Sock. You inspired me.

You're the creative one.
No, you're my muse.

Like Kees Meeuws?
Eh?

The All Black. I can't see
him in a Love Sock.

No, a muse. It's got nothing
to do with the All Blacks.

At school, Christian Cullen inspired
me to run fast. The All Black — not
the horse.

Shut up and kiss me.

Are you wearing your
Love Sock right now?

Oh, holy haka.

You are all sick.

So, are you wearing it?
Yes.

OK. Come on, then.

Give us a hundred bucks.

Tomorrow. Come on.
I'm serious.

Wow, that bad?

OK.

(SPLUTTERS, LAUGHS UPROARIOUSLY)

Generally, when a woman laughs like
this at her guy's d*ck, the guy can
get pretty pissed off.

It's not the d*ck. You know I love
the d*ck. It's what the d*ck's
wearing.

I'm not the one who has to look
her business partner in the eye

when she says, 'So, Cheryl, didn't
you just love the sock?'

Oh God, there is that. sh*t.

Strangely, though,
it's quite comfortable.

I don't care. Take that thing off.

I'll be back as soon as I can.
Cool.

Little Stevie bit my mum again. I
swear, I'm gonna smack one of them.

Fair enough.

So?

So I have a hangover,
and it's all your fault.

You know what I'm talking about.

Oh, the cock sock thing.

The Love Sock. How did it go?
And don't skimp on the details.

Well, uh, it was quite a show.
Isn't it?

I don't really think I've ever seen
anything quite like that in my life.

So, what'd Wayne think?

Um, he said it was
pretty comfortable.

Sexy and comfortable.

Without actually being sexy.

You're kidding me, right?

Maybe it's not our cup of tea.
What does that mean?

If you get your rocks off with
these posing pouches, cool —

thanks for the thought — but
I don't think it's our style.

What about Hoochie Daddy?

There'll be no Hoochie Daddy
as long as I run this company.

As long as you run it?
You know what I mean.

I thought we were partners.
We are.

But if you say no, we all go back
to our sewing machines and shut the
f*ck up?

Kase. I can't believe you're
being serious about this.

That cock sock is about the
stupidest idea you've ever had.

Oh yeah? And whose idea was
this company, Cheryl?

It was mine, actually.
It was mine. I made knickers
way before you came along.

In your lounge, which is where you
would still be if I hadn't turned
up and turned it into a business.

So you get to say what goes?

When it comes to business, yep.

You bossy cow.

Kase.

What? So she resigned?

She wouldn't. Over a stupid
bloody d*ck sock?!

It's a Love Sock.
Whatever.

Obviously it means a lot to Kasey.

Whose side are you on?

I'm just saying she's
proud of her idea.

Her stupid idea.

Is it?

Well, are you wearing yours?

Just because it's not my cup of tea
doesn't mean it's a stupid idea.

Being stupid does.

There's probably guys out there that
are into that sort of thing.

Gay guys.
So? They've got heaps of money.

Why are you on her side?

I mean, she's the one who called me
a bossy cow and bloody stormed out!

Yeah, well.

What?

No, no. What?

Nothing.

You were about to say
something then.

All right.

Sometimes, like now, you can be
a wee bit on the forceful side.

(SCOFFS)

Is that so?

But she is, eh?

Are you going to tell
her what I say?
Of course not.

Then yep, she can be
a real bossy cow.
Exactly!

What are you arguing about?
Bro—?

I have this totally awesome
idea, for a product,

but does she give me due?

What's the product?
Bro, can you get us another—?

It's called the Love Sock.

Yeah? And how does that work?

Hey, aren't you meant
to be meeting Rochelle?

sh*t.

I promised Rochelle I'd see her.
She's going mental because Stevie
isn't sleeping.

Ask Munt about the Sock.

Hey, I was thinking the other day
that the best way to smuggle dr*gs
would be up a dog's arse, you know?

Cos when the drug dog sniffs that
dog's arse, it'd be, like, 'Ow,
that's just dogs being friendly.'

What's a Love Sock, Munt?

Oh, don't go there, man.

Are you wearing dodgy undies?

No, don't go there.

Evening, my friends.

Munter's wearing dodgy undies.

I said, 'Don't go there.'

(GROANS) There's nothing
to eat in this house.

If you have something
bad to say, don't.

Does 'what's for dinner?' count?
Yep.

Me and my baby will starve, then.

Phone Wayne — he's a saint.
He'll find you food.

Oh, tetchy.

Wayne is a sick and pervy freak.

That thing he was
wearing last night.
What thing?

I bet you made him wear it, too,
because you're both sick.

I did not make him wear it.
Wear what?

I'll be glad when he's gone.

Where's he going?

He's a man — they all leave.
They use you and leave,

cos that's what they do. They're
all scum. I'm shifting out. I'm
gonna live in the caravan.

With Grandpa?
No, away from Grandpa.

The caravan's pretty small.

Grandpa can just go live in my room.
I need somewhere to be alone.
Is that too f*cking much to ask?

Stop looking at my arse, you fullas.
We're not looking at your arse.

Yes, you are.

There's no panty line.

You guys are sick, wondering what
a man's wearing under his trousers.

Then tell us about the Love Sock.

For the millionth time, no.

Hey, guys, you know Mike, right?

Guys. Falani.

Chief Inspector. Oh, is that the
time? Mrs Falani will be getting
worried.

Ask Munter about his undies.

What about your undies?

Ow, don't you start.

Munter is wearing a Love Sock.

What's a Love Sock?

He knows.
No, I don't.

Oh, yes, you do. I saw the
way you just looked at him.

How the hell would I know anything
about Munter's undies?

Exactly.

What do you know about
the Love Sock, Wayne?

Nothing. I'm a boxer man, myself.

Really? Me too.

(SCOFFS) OK, OK.

But I'm gonna find out
all about the Love Sock.

Where are you going?
Away from here.

Where's Cheryl?

What did you do?

Where is she?

In bed, and she's really pissed off.
What did you do?

I kinda suggested that she could
be a tad bossy at times.

Would you also go to the zoo,
climb into the lion enclosure
and poke them with a stick?

Why are you leaving?

Cos I need sleep.

(EXHALES)

Do you wanna talk about it?
Not now.

(SIGHS)

f*ck off, Loretta.

I need somewhere to sleep.

You've got a bed in the
house. Sleep there.

I can't.
What have you done?

It is all f*cking Pascalle's fault.

So talk to her.

It's not her, it's Grandpa. You know
that noise he makes when he's having
his prison nightmare?

[ (GRANDPA SCREAMS)

Why has Pascalle
moved into the caravan?

She's gone from the crying stage
to the hating-men stage.

What?
[ Break-up stages, Jethro.

Yeah, don't you know anything?

You need to move her on. Where does
she normally go after the hating-men
stage?

Loving as many men as possible.

Then you get Pascalle f*cking
in the next room every night.

I grew up with it.
I can sleep through it.

Then find her some guys to f*ck.

Do you know any guys who are
looking for an easy lay?

You don't have friends, do you?

I have friends. They
just have standards.

Oh, come on. It's not like
Pascalle's a bush pig. Fess up.
You're Mr No Mates.

f*ck off, solo mum.

What about Gary? Would
Pascalle be into him?

Nah, she doesn't need
him in her life.

Ooh, telling. Is he gay?

For Christ's sake, Loretta,
it's Pascalle, OK? Find a guy,
light the fuse and stand well clear.

How hard can it be?

OK.

Can I sleep on your couch, though?

Nup. Get out.

Hey.

Hey. You, uh, here for the
whole day today?

I've got people to see about Hoochie
parties, but otherwise, I'm around.

These are Hoochie Mama parties, eh?

Yes. Maybe one day they'll
be Hoochie Daddy parties.

Don't think so.

What's your problem?
It's a good idea.

No, my problem is
that it's a dumb idea.

You're closed to the idea?

We make women's underwear.
That's our core business.

Core business? God, listen to you.
You sound like a f*cking suit.

Well, someone has to if we're
gonna stay in business.

We're doing OK. Try something new.

You don't have debt up the wazoo.

So because you owe money, it gives
you the right to piss on my idea?

I cannot afford for this business
to start losing money.

Thanks (!)

You know, it is possible for you to
have a sh*t idea from time to time.

Cheryl, this is not a bad idea.

If we throw money at this and don't
get it back, then it's bad.

How do you know we won't?
Because I'm a f*cking suit (!)

You know what your problem is?
Yeah, I'm a bossy cow!

You don't know how
to open your mind.

What?
You don't know what sexy is.

Well, I'm sorry that my life isn't
the sexual freak show that yours is.

That's it. I quit.

Oh, fine. Great.

I can't do this any more. I can't
work with someone like you.

Fine. Go.

So, if she wants to walk out, fine.

Let me get this straight. You broke
up over a piddling piece of cloth?

No, it's not that.

If I can't rely on her not to throw
her handbag down every five seconds,
stuff her.

This is your best friend
you're talking about.

No, no, this is about business.

It's about paying bills, and I've
got some big f*cking bills to pay.

CELLPHONE RINGS
Life's like that.

Ain't that the truth?
You should get that.

Hello.

It's Munter.

Yeah, hi.

Yeah, is, uh, Mrs West with you?

Just nod if she is. Oh, no,
no, no, that's not gonna work.

Um... Say 'yes' if she is. No!
That'd be too obvious.

Say 'no' if she's there.

Hold on a minute. Sorry, honey,
I've gotta take this. It's business.

Fine. I'll get out
of your hair, then.

Yeah, she's gone, Munter.
Yeah, you know what's going down?

Yeah, got it both barrels.

I think me and you are in the
same waka, paddling sh*t Creek.

Yeah, we should talk about this.

Yeah, um... You know
Frizzell Crescent?
Yeah.

There's a path that cuts
through to Buchanan Park.

There's a bench, right?

Or we could go to the Rusty Nail?

That could work.

Hi.
Hey.

Phone number?

Can't remember.

Password?
Arse-kicker.

(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)

You've actually got a
couple of late fees owing.

Yeah?
Yeah. Do you wanna
sort that out now?

Cool. Cool.

Because there are ways and ways
of sorting out late fees.

What?

What what?

The text you sent me. 'Help.
At Video Hut. Need you now.'
I don't see any emergency.

I met a guy.

Well, bummer for him. What's
that got to do with me?

No, I met a guy for you.

Shawn?

'Sup.

I wouldn't f*ck him for practice.

Yeah, Kasey's gone all quiet
on it, which is a first.

Oh, top-up?
Yeah, sure. Better stop this
sh*t before it goes too far.

Yeah, if it isn't there already.

So true.

Some days, I just don't get chicks.

You know, I dig them and everything,
and the parts I get, I really
like,...

but then they go all mental, you
know? f*ck, I just so don't get it,
man.

They are strange, elusive creatures.

Yeah, that too.

OK. Time to do the business.

What business?

You know — the business
that'll sweeten her up.

(PANTS)

Do you think she's right?
Who's she?

Cheryl. Do you think the
sock's a stupid idea?

No, of course not.

It's your idea. You know
what else I think?

What?

I think you need to take some time,
stop thinking about work and Love
Socks and all that.

You think?
Yeah, sure.

Uh, good advice.
Goodnight.

Eh?

Hey.
Hey.

(GRANDPA YELLS) ↑

PASCALLE: Shut the f*ck up! ↑

Should someone check on him?

Fill your boots.

You talk to Kasey?
When?

Since last time I saw you.

Nah.

It's funny how the ball bounces.

Some lawyer costs a fortune to keep
me outta jail, and the price is your
best friend.

That's profound (!)

Well, you're not exactly
saying much.

She walked out.

Well, talk to her.
f*ck, talk to somebody.

What are you worried about?
This isn't your business.
Yeah, it is.

I borrowed the money. I will pay
it back. Now leave it alone.

This is my business because I'm the
guy who shares this bed with you.
I share your life.

You don't have to if
you don't want to.
That's cold.

If I'm such f*cking hard work, you
don't have to stay. You can do what
you like as far as I'm concerned.

Is this what it was like with him?
Who?

I'm not him, so you don't need
to keep me at arm's length.

This is not about Wolf, OK?

No, because he's gone
and it's just me.

Look, I've had a sh*t day. I really
don't need more grief from you.

(GRANDPA YELLS, MUMBLES)

Please, can you forget about my baby
just once? I need unconsciousness.

They say warm milk does the trick.

Going by the snoring, she's asleep,
so it's probably safe to go back to
bed.

You heard.
I hear everything now
I've given up sleeping.

She's a hard woman, your mother.

She's my mother.
You think I don't know that?

(SIGHS)

(SCOFFS) Can you spare it (?)

I'm thinking of your unborn child.

(SIGHS)

What are you doing in here?

I couldn't sleep.

What's wrong with the caravan?

It smells funny.

Oh, really. That's so terrible (!)
As opposed to having to listen to
the trots half the night,

then Grandpa on the phone to his
phone sex regular, then Grandpa
finishing off the job himself,

and the nightmares. His nightmares,
not mine. Mine are yet to come,

because having nightmares requires
having actual sleep.

I thought that thing that you
did today was really cruel.

What?

You know how I feel about guys right
now, and yet you shoved that guy in
my face. You know what I mean.

I'm just trying to
move things along.

Where?
You know, the stages.

I don't have stages.

Yes, you do. You bored me shitless
with them when Hayden—

When Hayden what?

You said that you have
to move through the stages.

I think maybe you're the one that
needs to move through the stages.

No, you are in the 'hate guys' stage
and you need to move on to the 'f*ck
guys' stage.

It's what you've always done.

(GRANDPA MUMBLES LOUDLY) ↑

What the f*ck is that?

JUDD: Shut up, old man! ↑

Breakfast?

I've been thinking. Do you
know what I've been thinking?

That, uh, after breakfast, we
should have a shower together?

No, about work.

That maybe you could, um, ring
Cheryl, and maybe patch things up?

No. I've been thinking about
going into business together.

I can be the designer.
You can be my muse.
OK.

Hoochie Daddy,... except I'll have
to come up with another name.

So, as a muse, what would my
jobs be apart from musing?

Modelling, mostly, at first,

and then maybe something
in management.

Modelling the Love Sock?

And other designs.
In public?

No, at Hoochie Daddy parties.
You can run them.

What's the problem?

You don't believe in what I'm doing.

Look, it's not about 'believe', OK?

It's all about 'believe'. Either you
believe I can do this or you don't.

Of course you can, babe.

You don't want a part of it.

It's not about being a part of—

Yes, it is all about being
a part of something.

You know, unless you're just another
one of those useless guys

who just wanna live off me
like some life-sucking leech.

Eh? Come on.

For the first time, I ask for your
support and you can't be arsed.
You know, stuff you, Munter.

I don't need another f*cking
loser in my life.

Best bed I've ever slept in,
that one, as far as actually
sleeping goes.

The waterbed I shared with Rita
in the late ' s was great for
rooting,

once you got in synch with the wave
action, but this one — lights out
the moment my head hits the pillow.

I'm so thrilled for you (!)

(CLEARS THROAT) I found
these under the bed.

Bedtime reading.

(SIGHS)

Don't you care about what he's
already done to this room?

Your room?
Men f*ck everything.

Please, Pascalle.

It's all right for you, you've
escaped, but what about me?

What about you?

You're not the one who's
surrounded by men.

I'm not sharing the caravan.

I don't wanna share the caravan.

No, you want me to
f*ck strange guys.

Look at you — dumped for all the
wrong reasons for the first time
in your life.

Thanks for the reminder.

And look at me — knocked up to some
bastard who's skipped the country.

True.

All I'm saying is that, for once,
we're actually in the same boat,

so what about a bit
of sisterly support?

From you?

As your sister, and
as a fellow woman.

You're a girl, not a woman.

All I'm saying is, how about
we go out for a drink?

You're not allowed to drink.

It's a figure of speech. Just you
and me, together. No smelly boys.

My shout.

OK.

Cool, and you can drink all
you want for both of us.

OK.

Chicks, eh. No way will
I ever understand chicks, mate.

Just when you think you're
getting close,... boof!

Blow your f*cking mind.
They just, they—

Shut up, Van.

Not in the mood, bro.

Is this all cos of those gay
undies you fullas are wearing?

We're not wearing the undies, Van.

Nor me. I couldn't find any clean
ones today. I'm going commando.

Well, they must be some pretty
amazing undies to cause this much
grief.

Either that, or you guys are
a couple of f*cking idiots.

f*ck you, losers. If there's
one thing I've learnt,

being in a real relationship with
a real chick is the best thing.
You don't just piss that away.

OK, Mr Expert. You tell me how I'm
meant to get Kasey to believe that
I'm not some useless loser

sponging off her just cos I don't
want nothing to do with her undies.

(SCOFFS) But I ain't got no job.
I don't contribute sh*t. Maybe
I should just piss off.

And when you've finished that, you
could tell Cheryl that I'm not your
father,

and if she wants me as part of her
life, then she can stop treating me
like I am.

This isn't good.
No, it's sh*t.

Shitty sh*t.
Hey, Mum.

What are you doing here?
Talking to you.

OK.

Um...

So talk.

OK. I was at the pub before, and,
uh, there were these guys there —
you might remember one of them —

name of Judd. Actually, both of
them, because the other one was
Munter.

I was trying to figure out how this
whole gay-undie thing turned into
World w*r IV.

Well, maybe you should ask Kasey—

Ah, ah, ah, I'm not
finished talking yet.

Cos the sh*t they were talking made
it sound like they were thinking of
calling quits...

on Kasey and on you.

Not gonna happen, Van.

But I thought you and Kasey were,
like, best mates before these dumb
undies came along.

And I thought you and Judd had a
good thing going, especially seeing
as he stopped being a cop for ya.

(EXHALES)

Look...

I've had a pretty f*cking bad year.

I'll do anything to stop it
from going bad for you guys.

Anything.

KNOCK AT DOOR

KNOCK AT DOOR

Hey.

Hey.

Well,... it all turned
to sh*t, didn't it?

Do you wanna?

♪ You got nothing to lose. ♪

I thought you said this was a
girly night, no smelly boys.

You don't have to talk to them.

What do you want?
To go home.

Champagne cocktail, then?

In your f*cking dreams.

d*ck.
If it was me, I would have
served you without asking.

That was pretty much the worst
opening line ever, wasn't it?

Pretty much.

Is 'Hi, I'm Trent' any better?

Not really.

I'm Loretta.

Hi, I'm Trent.

Yeah, I got that.

Right.

Um, so, what do you do, Trent?

Well, uh, I wish I could say
something cool, like, 'film-maker',
but, um,... I'm a traffic engineer.

A traffic engineer.

Yeah, you know — roads, getting
cars from one place to another.

In Auckland? You must
really suck at your job.

Yeah, I get that a lot.

But you think that being a
film-maker would be cool?

Sure. What do you do?

I'm a film-maker.

Do you wanna come have a
drink with me and my sister?

Yeah.

Here you go.

Pascalle, this is Troy.

Uh, Trent.

Trent, this is Pascalle.

Hi.

What happened to girls' night out?

Trent happened.

How?

It's not important. The important
thing is that I've sorted it.

How?

I said it's not f*cking important.
The important thing is that Mum's
gone around to Kasey's to sort it.

Without a police escort?

This could go very very wrong.

But Kase, it's a stupid idea.

You think all my ideas are stupid.

No, I don't. Just the ones
involving posing pouches.

OK, well, do you have a better one?

We don't need one is my idea.

Uh, no. We have to
sort this. We agreed.

Call Rochelle.

Mum.
Did you mean what you said about
doing anything to put it all right?

Yep. Why?

Right. Yep, OK. No, I did mean
what I said back then, but...

Mum. Yep, all right.
Yep. I love you too.

OK. Bye.

Phew.

I gotta go.
Where?

Oh, nowhere. ]

I don't like films much.

Yeah, you do.
You liked Legally Blonde.

Yeah, but who didn't?

I haven't seen the films you guys
like except for Princess Diaries,
but I don't remember any bikes.

That's because we were talking
about Motorcycle Diaries,...

but you're right, we should
stop talking about films.

Did I tell you that Pascalle
used to be a model?

Cool. What sort of modelling?

Retail tyre brushes, mainly.

Do you guys want another drink?

Please.
Sure.

I told you, I don't
do stages any more.

You need to move on.

Yes, and this is me, moving on.

Pascalle.

You guys are dicks sometimes.

You're here as our friend.
Don't abuse that position.

I'm like Batman — the phone rings
and I race across town, pausing only
to leave the baby at Mum's place.

And my decision is final?

Batman can leave at any time.

Mm. Yes, your decision is final.
Cheryl?

Yes, your decision is final and I'll
abide by it. If you like the stupid
Cock Sock, we'll make it.

Kasey?

If you reject my quite brilliant
idea, I will live by that.

So cool.

OK, then — let's get this show on
the road. Come on out here, now.

No. ↑
Hey, hurry up.

Get f*cked. ↑
(GASPS) That's no way
to speak to Batman.

Eh?
Van, love, come on. Get
your arse out here now.

And we do mean 'arse'.

Hey, that's my robe.

Well, I couldn't find Munter's.

Yeah, Munter doesn't have a robe.

Munter doesn't usually
wear anything round the house.

We don't need to know that, Kase.
f*cking A.

And why are you wearing a robe
anyway? It's not what I paid to see.

(EXHALES) This is weird
in front of my mum.

Oh, come on, Van, get over
it. Look, I won't watch.

Man.

(GASPS) Ooh.

Oh, yeah, if that's a bit loose,
it's because I made that one for
Munter.

Well, it's not loose.

Actually, if anything,
it's a bit tight.

Yeah, right.

I, uh, I need to see the back.

There is no back.
That's what I need to see.

Mum?

[ Oh. Ooh, it's hot.

Hey, no, I really need
to see the front again.

What?
Well, it's a really important
decision, Van.

Oh, what — you want me to
do a little sock dance (?)

Yes!
Actually, that's a really good idea.

You're hot. Come on. All the girls
down at the pub are saying how hot
you're looking at the moment.

Like, sexy sexy hot.

BOTH CHANT: Va-an, Va-an,
Van the man, Van the man.

[ Come on, baby.
Shut up.

You know you want to. Look at you.

Let's see what they're
all talking about.

I like it. Van, you are the man.

GIRLS SQUEAL

Who's your daddy?

Oh God, hot. Check it out!

ALL LAUGH

(SCREAMS) Show's over.

Don't stop on our account.

You was working it, bro!

BOTH LAUGH

OK, Rochelle — come on.

Oh. OK.

Well, I've been thinking, and,
um... No, no, I'm still thinking.

But...

the boy undies are...

Well, they are % awesome,
and we should so make them.

(CHEERS)

Rochelle, you can't be serious.

You promised!

All right, all right — we will
make the f*cking cock sock.

CHEERING, LAUGHTER

I brought up four kids — five if you
count Munter — pretty much on my
own, you know?

Wolf was around, but I could never
trust that. Sometimes he'd disappear
for days, weeks even.

That's just the way things were in
our line of work, and it didn't pay
to ask questions, either.

Turns out,... you know, part of what
he was doing was having a whole
other bloody family. (CHUCKLES)

But the point is, this is the way
I've always done things, you know?
I've just got on with it.

I haven't hung around to
discuss every bloody thing.

I'm just not used to
being around a good guy.

Is this you trying to apologise?

(LAUGHS UNCOMFORTABLY)

I'm not very good at it, eh?

(LAUGHS) So I noticed.

I guess... I guess I'm just... I'm
not good when things are good — you
know, when they're easy?

Is that what they are?

sh*t, yeah.

Then apology accepted.

But don't do it again.

Oh, come on. You know there's no way
in the world I can promise that.

BOTH CHUCKLE

What time do you call this?

(GIGGLES) I've waited
years to say that.

Shouldn't you be tucked
up in the caravan?

It smells really bad.

It smells of Grandpa.

How was Troy?

Trent.
Whatever.

He was sweet.

And into pregnant chicks?

I never mentioned it
and he didn't comment.

You used him for meaningless sex?

Oh, you have changed.

So have you.

Stop trying to change me back.

It was to cheer you up.

No, you were trying to get me to
root some guy so I'd stop hating
guys and turn back into a ho,...

except you were the ho. (GIGGLES)

I have hormonal confusion
as my excuse. What's yours?

I'm over guys forever.

(SCOFFS)

I'm serious. I'm gonna be like a
nun, except I'm gonna wear better
clothes, and no church.

You are gonna be celibate?

And you've turned into the world's
sluttiest solo mum. Weird world, eh?

Stop trying to change me.

As long as you promise to
shift back into your room.

Done. It smells really bad.

Wanna watch Legally Blonde?

(EXHALES) The world's
f*cked up, so why not?

Cool.

(MOANS) You're not a loser.

I'll get a job... just to prove
to you what a loser I'm not.