03x17 - The Secret Parts of Fortune

[bunniefuu]

Gary loaned you grand?

'Fraid I'm gonna have to call it in.
What, all of it?

'Fraid so.

You should have mentioned it.

It's all under control.

Well, I was thinking,
a share of your business.

(LAUGHS)

It's a good offer.
You won't get better.

I've got days to find something
better, and I'm going to use every
f*cking minute.

CORK POPS

Did Danielle say anything?
JETHRO: About what?

A dipshit lawyer she's been
talking to about money.

You, me, Gary — it's got
disaster written all over it.

Doesn't have to.

Right. You ready?

Yep.
Yeah? You sure?

Yep.

OK.

(CHUCKLES)

Oi.

THWACK!

He's part retriever, you know.
Yeah?

He will run all day, long after
you get sick of hitting the ball.

Did he get that from
his mother's side?

His father's, definitely.

Whoa. That was quick.

Um, what say we call it a day, eh?

Please.

Yeah, all right. Uh, one more,
then we gotta go.

You ready?
Yep.

You sure?

THWACK!

You're doing well.
At what?

Hanging out in public, doing family
sh*t, when I know you're counting
down the seconds

till we dump Robbie at his father's
and you get me alone.

What have you got in mind?

Sick, depraved things.

Oh.
Oh.

Excellent.

Hey, Mum, look what I found.

Danielle.
Jethro.

Hello, Gary.
Gidday, Gary.

We're having a picnic.

They're fun, aren't they, picnics?
[ Yeah.

Yeah.

Better let you get on, then.

You take care.

Catch you later, mate. Huh?

See ya.
Cheers.

Bye, Gary.

You never actually told
him about us, did you?

Well, no. I thought
I'd leave it up to you.

Well, he knows now.

HELLO SAILOR'S 'GUTTER BLACK'

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

♪ My luck in the gutter black.

♪ I guess I'm running back...

♪ ...to you.

♪ You in my brain.
You in my heart. ♪

TENSE MUSIC

The unit next door is up for rent.

So?

You should rent it.
Why?

You could expand.

You need money to expand.

There's always money.
That's the least of your worries.

We could put Hoochie Daddy in there
— a range of underwear we're
developing for men.

Well, there you go, then.

Kase, why don't you
show Gary a sample?

Oh! Yes. (CHUCKLES)
You're gonna love this.

I'm always up for a freebie.

You just happened to be driving
past, and thought you'd drop in
and give us some real-estate advice?

Tanya, my accountant — bloody
genius, but she lives to nag me.

Anyhow, today she reminds me
about this loan situation.

Still got a few days left.

No, well, there's no pressure.
It's just, you know,...

the offer's on the table.
It's a good offer too.

It's a great offer. It's a
'too good to be true' offer.

I don't want things to get awkward.
It's only business.

OK. This is the Love Sock. This is
what got the ball rolling. You can
have this one.

I'm f*cked beyond all belief. There
is no way I can pay that money back
—

not this week, not next week,
not any f*ckin' week.

Has Wayne got any rich relatives?

He stays out of this.

So Gary buys into the business —
I mean, what's so wrong about that?

It's my business,
and I don't trust him.

CELLPHONE RINGS

Yeah?
Are you coming to this thing?

Yeah. Yeah, I'll be there.

Thing is, I don't know what his
angle is, but I just— I just don't
trust him.

But I got no choice. sh*t.
f*ck, I'm an idiot!

It's all right.
[ KNOCK AT DOOR

I thought we had an appointment.

Yeah, we do.

I'll get out of your hair.

Hi. Vern Gardiner.
Hey.

Mum. ]

Come in, Vern.

Look, um, don't worry about this,
all right? I'll sort it out.

How?

I'll think of something.

OK?

Hmm. Your mother? ]

And you thought I was
the spawn of the Devil.

(LAUGHS)

Is there a tree that one of my
scum-of-the-earth clients wants
to chainsaw,

and you want to put your little
carbon footprint up my arse?

(LAUGHS)

You should go into politics,
talking bollocks like that.

I got places to be. What is it?

I don't like you. I don't
like what you stand for.

Well, I don't stand for anything.

Exactly. That's why
I want to hire you.
To do what?

Well, I need some lawyerly things
done — personal. I need it done
quickly and quietly.

Mm-hm.
Here. It's from Sonya, my ex-wife,
telling me she's written a book.

About you?

Well, about Isengard.

Ah.
That place.

It was the ' s, for Christ's sake.
Nothing that went on up there was
out of order for the times.

Right. But stories of sex and dr*gs
at the hippy commune, not so good if
you want to be mayor, eh?

Mm. You'd think all that life
experience would stand you in good
stead, especially in West Auckland,

but, sadly, my people tell me no.

You mean you have people?

Noel, my campaign manager.

He says slaughtering goats, high
on mushrooms, won't go down well?

See what I'm talking about?
That never happened.

So you want me to check the book
for libel, right? Not my territory.

No, I want you to injunct it,

stop it any way you can. I want that
book to never see the light of day.

PEOPLE CHATTER

Glad you could join us.

Mm. Cheers (!) Thanks, Mum (!)

You shouldn't be drinking it,
and I need it.

What's up?

Nothing.

True, he will be sorely missed.
Like you'd miss a haemorrhoid.

They said that you were Lefty
Monroe's best living friend.

Only cos every other
bugger d*ed. (LAUGHS)

Oh sh*t.

Cheryl.

Ngaire.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Missed you at the service.

Well, I was held up at work.

Ted spoke beautifully.

I better go sign the f*ckin' book.

You must be the new boyfriend.

Yeah, I guess so.

Help yourselves to food and drink.
Oh, you already have.

Awesome. She hates you
more than she hates me.

No one ever told me
why he was called Lefty.

He only had one testicle.

The things you find out
about someone in prison.

I never did time with Lefty.

Not even after the
Smith & Caughey's cock-up?

No. I was at Mt Eden.

He went to Pare. (LAUGHS)

What?

It was him, wasn't it?

Grandpa, what the f*ck?

The truck. The f*ckin' truck,
he took it.

I've no idea what
you're talking about.

Yes, you do, you bitch.

Oh sh*t.
No, no. It's good.

You know. Tell me what happened
to the f*ckin' truck!

What truck?

The one I did three
years inside for.

The horses — the horses were for
Rita, and they were on the truck.
Tell me, you evil bitch.

Grandpa, we should go.

Yeah, come on.

You know. You know.

That's what I call a wake.

I'm Jethro West, a lawyer
representing Vern Gardiner.

I'd love to arrange a time to talk.
Please call me back. I'll be out of
the office,

but, uh, my mobile number's
. Thanks.

Lunch?

Actually, I was just heading out.

A man should always have time for
lunch, Jethro. Most important meal
of the day.

I thought that was breakfast.

Lunch just got promoted.

You're not gonna say
no to me, are ya?

How are you going, Grandpa?

Are you gonna tell us what's
so important about this photo?

Not with the pig in the room.

Not a cop, Ted.

Come on, Grandpa.

You were pretty intense back there.

The Smith & Caughey job
was a thing of beauty.

It was a cock-up. You got arrested
and spent three years inside.

We weren't robbing
Smith & Caughey's.

I know. You went through the wall
to get to the jeweller's next door.

Beautiful.

But you got caught before
you opened the safe.

SCOFFS: Yeah.

What?

You're the one with the smarts
in the family. Figure it out.

You did open the safe, but you
wanted it to look like you didn't.

What was in the safe?

Bert Thompson.

He did the job with you and Lefty.

He found the job. The jeweller was
this South African prick who lived
on the Shore.

He had these mates in Pretoria. Even
in they knew they were f*cked,

so they started shifting their
assets overseas to their mate,
the jeweller.

They smuggled in thousands
of the bastards.

Thousands of what? ]

Krugerrands — little ounces of gold.

But there was nothing about stolen
gold when you guys got arrested.

They weren't meant to be there.
Can't report something stolen when
it doesn't exist.

So what happened to them?

We parked the truck out
the bag, loaded the gold,

went back in to make it look like
the poxy safe had defeated me.
(CHUCKLES)

Came back outside. The bloody truck
was gone. Then the pigs arrived.

What have the china horses
got to do with it?

We figured, since we were in Smith &
Caughey's, we could do our Christmas
shopping.

Rita had her eyes on those horses
when we were casing the joint.

They were in the truck
when it disappeared.

Always thought it was Bert Thompson
grassed us up. But it was Lefty.
f*ckin' prick!

He went away as well.

It's not hard when you've got
thousands waiting when you get out.

Thousands and thousands. Christ
knows what they'd be worth now.

So Lefty got all of them?

Do me a favour, love.

Want me to have a word with Ngaire?

Help me to the toilet.
I'm about to spew.

Oh sh*t. OK.

Gary likes a surprise lunch.

You look like a prick if you say no,
and then he's got you where he wants
you. What did he say about us?

Nothing at first.

Oh, let me guess — guy talk.

Rugby's not really my thing.

Are you a league man?

Not really.

But he got there eventually.

You're a bit of a dark horse.

I was wondering when
we'd get to Danielle.

Yeah, we've hooked up.

You actually said 'hooked up'?!
What's wrong with that?

What are we, ?

(LAUGHS)

She's a good chick.
She is.
Do you have a problem?

sh*t, no. The word 'ex' is in front
of 'wife' for a reason. Go for it.

'Go for it'?!

Yeah. That's what he said.

Means he's pissed off.

So, are you?

What?

Gonna go for it?

Hmm.
f*ckin' oath, I am.

(GIGGLES)

CELLPHONE RINGS

Um, I'm one of those people that has
to answer the phone if it rings.
Sorry.

CELLPHONE RINGS

Jethro West.

Mr West, this is Sonya Stevens.

Uh, hi. Thanks for calling back.

I don't respond well to threats.
I survived him once. I'll survive
him again.

Uh, look, all I want to do is talk.

My story will be told.

Ooh. What was that about?

CELLPHONE RINGS

Hello.
How the f*ck could you?

Sorry?
How could you do that to her?

Who is this?

It's Rochelle. Who do you think?

You tell him, girl.

How'd I do what to who?

To my mum — trying to
scare her off like that.

What, your mum?
Yes.

What, Sonya Stevens is your mum?

Yes.

Rochelle, I've never
met your mother.

Really?
Never.

Yeah, well, like, what you're doing
to her is still really shitty.

Look, Roch—

Bastard.

You're Mum's friend, Rochelle.
I didn't even know your surname.

I bet you Van knows my last name.

(SIGHS) So, your mum
was married to Vern?

Yes.

So Vern's your father?

BOTH: Ew.

My father?! I lost my virginity to
Vern. What kind of sicko do you
think I am?

You lost your virginity
to your mum's husband?!

Yeah.

Does your mum know that?

I think so, Jethro. She was
in the room at the time.

Not in the same bed, or anything
weird like that, but in the communal
tepee.

I think she was with Neville.
I got a puppy afterward.

Uh, this was at Isengard?

Don't get all judgemental. I was .
I knew exactly what I was doing.

I didn't know you grew up there.

We left when I was .

God, it sucked, having to go to
a school where you wore clothes.

You can't pick on Sonya.

Well, I'm not picking on her.
I just want to talk to her.

Talk her into giving up her book.

You don't know how much this book
means to her, how it's helped.
Helped with what?

Don't tell him.
He'll use it against her.

No one's using anything against
anyone, all right?

Look, I just want to talk to
your mum, all right? That's all.

Look, Mum's been a bit
fragile for a few years.

Fragile?
See, he's using it already.

The book thing's good for her —
a way to get it out of her system,

even if it's not quite
how some of us remember it.

Right. See, that's exactly the
reason I want to talk—

Using, using, using, using, using.

Because this could get very public,
very ugly, and I don't want your mum
to go through that.

[ All I want to do
is talk, Rochelle.

You try one lawyery thing, and
I'll punch your f*ckin' lights out.

Mum!

Hi, Chelle.
Are you OK, Mum?

Now, why is that always
the first thing you ask me?

It's always the first thing I think.

Oh, you're one of Cheryl's boys.
Why didn't you tell me that on the
phone?

Well, you never really
gave me a chance.

Are you the one that got
locked in the freezer?

No, that was Van.

Oh. Is he a lawyer too?

My life fell to pieces. I got to the
point where I could step back from
the abyss or into the abyss.

Mm. OK.

My daughter thinks I exaggerate.

It wasn't as bad as all that, Mum.

Well, you were young. You
could do what you liked.

It was beautiful up there.

It still is.

I thought it had closed.

The land's still there.
Sometimes I walk the dogs there.

My book helped me step back from
the abyss, Jethro, so, you see,
it's very very important to me.

Mm. Yeah. No, I understand.
Have you found a publisher yet?

Not yet. I've had wonderful letters
encouraging me to keep writing.

I'm thinking of
publishing it myself.

Oh, really? Great.

I don't— I don't suppose, um...
I don't suppose I could maybe read
your book.

Why? ]

Oh, I don't think that would be
a very good idea, with you being
Vern's lawyer.

Oh, no, no, no. Look.
Try not to see me as a lawyer.

Try to look at me as, um,... someone
who's trying to find a way through
this for you.

For all of us.
All of who?

Well, I've written this on
behalf of the others as well.

Uh,... what others?

The other wives.

Oh, Vern had other wives?
Five.

LAUGHS: Really?

One after the other?

All at the same time.

You know, Sonya, I would...
I would love to read your book.

I mean, sure, Grandpa
got three years inside,

but you have to admit, as far as
double-crosses go, that was good.

You have a disturbing way of
looking at the world, young lady.

Oh, come on, Wayne.

A truckload of missing apartheid
gold. That is cool. And if you were
still a cop, you'd be all over it.

Or I could be thinking, 'What's
this pissed old coot on about?'

Nah. It was real.

Time plays tricks on a mind,
especially one that's unhinged
to start with.

[ KNOCK AT DOOR
No, not Grandpa.

I bet it all happened
just the way he said.

And holy f*ck.

Is Theodore here?

He's actually kind of
passed out in his caravan.

Maybe alcohol or the shock
of finding out his mate was
double-crossing scum.

What can we do for you, Ngaire?

If Ted's so attached to these bloody
things, he might as well have them.

There's an admission of guilt.
Loretta.

My husband never did
the dirty on Ted.

Bullshit.
He loved him like a brother.

So much, he stole from him?

That's a special kind of love (!)

Loretta, can you—?
[ If you want the truth,

you should look closer
to home, young lady.

(SCOFFS) No. No way.
Grandpa would never—

Not him.

Try your sainted grandmother.

sh*t. Are you saying that—?

I'm saying she called
the cops on them.

That bit had nothing to do with me.

So what bit was to do with you?

None of your business.

You have the horses.
Ted said they were in the truck.

I don't talk to cops.
I'm not a cop.

So tell me, out of interest.

You know what it's like
as the wife of a crim.

[ No retirement schemes for us, and
when your man went inside, there was
never enough to run a family.

Rita came up with the idea.
She was the hardest bitch of all.

Don't you call my
grandmother a bitch.

She was. And you really
are a lot like her.

Oh, f*ck you.
What idea?

Lefty told me about the Smith
& Caughey's job. I told Rita.

She came up with the plan —
insurance, if you like.

Ugh. You are lying.

Rita waited until they'd loaded up
the truck and gone back in.

She drove it off.
We divided up the gold

and agreed only to touch it when the
man in our life was gone for good by
whatever means.

Took our share,
went our separate ways.

But when I worked out
that she'd shopped the guys,

sent them to prison, went round to
give her a slapping. Oh, she stood
her ground.

Said she needed a holiday from Ted.
Like I said, total bitch.

I kept these because I liked them.
Rita hated them. Shows how much Ted
knew about her.

(TAPS FINGERNAILS)

Anyway, you may as well have them
now. I'm off on a cruise next week —
something I've always wanted to do.

I, uh, just cashed in an investment.
Say goodbye to Ted for me.

[ (LAUGHS) God, I love your family.

It's crap. Grandma would
never do that to him.

Oh, yes, she would.

Just cos she hated you?

You knew your grandma better than
any of us. This is exactly the sort
of crap she'd pull.

Not to him. Ngaire bloody
Monroe is so lying.

Where did she get her money
for the cruise? Bonus Bonds?

Lefty was the worst criminal in
the world. This all makes sense.

Don't forget the gee-gees.
Shut up about the bloody horses.

You know Rita, what a
tight cow she could be.

And once she made a plan,
she stuck with it to the bitter end.

Or until someone lay
bleeding in the gutter.

So Rita meant to hide the gold until
Ted shuffled off, but she d*ed
first.

She got diagnosed,
and she went really quickly.

I bet she never even had
time to do anything with it.

No.

Why not?

Are we having this conversation down
here so that Wayne won't hear us?

Where would she hide stolen stuff?

Are you saying there's a shitload
of krugerrands in our backyard?

They weren't here in .
They didn't shift out of Aztec Road
till .

That's where it'll be, then.

They sold the house
and left the gold there?

They didn't sell it. Wolf sold it
after Rita d*ed, to buy Ted's unit.

No one told me.
The sale wasn't strictly legal.

But Rita would have known that
it was far less risky to leave it
buried there than to rebury it here.

WAYNE: Coming up for dinner? ]

Yep, on our way.

Mum?

Mum. I still think that
this is total bullshit,

but it would k*ll Grandpa to hear
people talk about Grandma like this.

I won't tell him. Will you?

No.

He doesn't need to know, then.

How's it going?

It's incredible. It's both
un-put-downable and unreadable
at the same time.

How she does it is beyond me.

Are these legal points?

Oh, no, that's kinky stuff
I thought we could try.

Oh! No way. Not ever.

Well, you wanted depravity.

Yeah, there are limits.

I don't get it. How does an arsehole
like Vern get all these women
throwing themselves at him?

You have the same effect on me.

This paragraph goes
on for three pages.

There's a bit of that.

I don't think anyone'll
vote for Vern after that.

I don't think Vern will stay
out of prison after page .

Really?

What, you wouldn't be into that?

You try that with me, pal,
you will not walk for a week.

thr*at or promise?

You want to find out?

I'll take my chances.

Oh yeah?

(LAUGHS)

You fellas gonna eat this?

Hey, Grandpa. How are you feeling?

Like someone who spent half
the day spewing his ring out.

At least you're feeling better.

You want some food?

Ha (!)

What are those doing here?

Ngaire brought them around.

To run salt in the wound?

She thought you might like them.

CRASH!

Jeez. Christ knows what he'd
do if he knew the real story.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?
Sonya. Jethro West.

Did you read my book?

Yeah, I certainly did.

And?

It is quite a story.

There are a few bits I want
to rewrite, but I think it holds
together pretty well, don't you?

I think you've written the story
that you wanted to write.

God. Oh, you don't know how good
it is to hear someone say that.

So, where do we go from here?

Look, I think I can see a way
through this, but I'm going to need
your help.

So you've read the book?

Uh, what I could manage, yeah.

And?

It, uh, it was troubling.

Can I read it?

I don't think that's a good idea.
I want to read it.

That was some serious sh*t you
were up to in the Waitaks, Vern.

Well, morality has
shifted a bit since then.

You had five wives at the same time.

It was the ' s.

And the ' s and into the ' s.

It's not my fault the right-wingers
came and sucked the fun out of
everything.

If that book comes out, you'll get
screwed in ways even you haven't
tried.

I know that. Did you not
get what I said yesterday?

I mean, what have you got
that will make them go away?

'Them'?

She's got them all on
her side, hasn't she?

I dunno.

I bet she has. You know she had
a massive drug problem, don't you?

Well, you kept giving her the dr*gs.

Well, she kept taking them.

You need this to go away.

By buying them off?

I'm not a rich man, Jethro.

The properties have — they're
protected by trusts, so they can't
get their hands on them.

You have the commune.

No.
You still own the land.

I said I'd never sell it.

When I walked off that
land, I gave it back.

To who?
To Gaia.

Who the f*ck is Gaia?

The earth goddess, to thank
her for our time there.

Right, well, Gaia isn't writing
a book about you f*cking underage
girls. Is she, Vern?

'Hi. You don't know us, but do you
mind if we dig up your backyard

'looking for a fortune in
stolen South African gold?'

We'll play it as it comes.

It won't be here.

Why are you here, then?

So, what does Wayne
think you're doing today?

He doesn't need to know.

OK. I'll add him to the list.

He'd just think it was stupid.

He might have a bit of a problem
with funding the next part of your
lives with the proceeds of crime.

Stay here.

It's interesting, actually, that
you don't have a problem with it,
given your whole 'no crime' thing.

What happened here
happened a long time ago.

Oh, so that's where the line is.

Statute of limitations.
Just so I know.

You'll get your cut.
Of nothing, cos there
won't be anything there,

even if they do let
you dig up their garden.

LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

Thought I heard someone knocking.

Your music.
What about it?

You couldn't hear cos of the music.

Oh, yeah.

Do you live here?
Hm. Yes.

Hi. I'm Cheryl.

Hey, Cheryl. Billy.

Nice to meet you, Billy.

You're not one of those
Christians, are you?

No. No, no. Do you own the house?

So you're a real estate agent?

No. No, no, no. It's just, um,

my family used to live
here a long time ago.

Cool.

Yeah, and my mother-in-law
went a bit crazy in the head.

Yeah, old people do that.

And we think that she might have
buried some family heirlooms in the
back garden.

No sh*t.
No sh*t.

Oh, OK.

Oh, wow.

Oh, if you need any help digging
them up, I think we've got a garden
trowel.

Great. So you don't mind if I just
have a little dig around the back
garden?

sh*t, no. It's not like
it's my house or anything.

LAUGH: Yes, great.

Now what?
Now we dig.

Where?

You like her. Think like Rita.

OK. I'm thinking
Slutty Pants is insane.

Please. This is important.
Why?

Let's just say it could
solve a lot of problems.

What problems?

Look, if you were Rita,
where would you bury something?

That much gold must be in a box.

It can't be deep, in case she needs
it fast. She'd mark the site with a
tree, not on top, cos of the roots

So I guess we look
for a -year-old tree.

What do they look like?

How would I know?

OK. Let's start digging, then.

Well, you were right.
She has got them together.

ALL GREET EACH OTHER

How are they?
Not happy.

Bastard. Did you use that
vasectomy thing in the book?

I did.

Sorry. I didn't get
all the way through.

It was in chapter two, Pip.

No, I mean how do they look?

He didn't want any kids.

Except to sleep with.

Hey, I was not a kid. I was .

Norelle was when she married him.

He should go to prison
for what he did.

ALL ARGUE

So they're still in good form.

(CHUCKLES) Vern, the point is,

they are together, they're angry
and they're not going anywhere.

Stories of orgies and rampant
underage sex — it's just not good
news for you, mate.

Girls were much more
sexual much earlier then—

Yeah, OK. You made
them walk around naked.

They never did anything
they didn't want to do.

Vern, there's a price to pay here.

You can pay that
publicly or privately.

I'm not selling that land.

No, no. You're not selling it,
you're gifting it.

'WAITING FOR YOUR TIME TO COME'
BY THE DATSUNS

♪ Add a little mystery.

♪ You're still waiting
for your time to come.

♪ Still to waiting
for your time to come.

Hi. I'm Loretta.

Oh, hey. I talked to your mum.

Yes, you did.

♪ Pick up pieces of velvet
till you feel so sated.

♪ Beats and treats on
the concrete streets.

♪ Well, I guess
I've been baited. ♪

Mate.

How'd you know I was here?

Well, I didn't.

I saw you walk in, came over to say
gidday. I'm meeting some friends for
lunch.

The whole world doesn't
revolve around you, Jethro.

(LAUGHS) Believe me, I've never
laboured under that illusion.

So, are you saving the planet now?

Oh, you know about Vern?
Mm. How's it going?

It'd be nice to see
him put in his place.

Look, Vern's my client.
I'll deal with him how I want.

If that ever involves you,
you'll be the first to know.

Haven't you grown some stones?
Was Danielle your client when you
told her to sting me for grand?

She's never been my client.

Gods be praised, here she is.

Hey, baby.

Hello, honey.

This is nice.

Why don't you go play
with your reptile friends?

Have fun (!)

Any time you want to
send me that grand.

On to it first thing tomorrow.

d*ck.

Oh, don't worry
about it. He's sorted.

Sorted?

Sorted — as in, I've sorted him out.

Mum, it's not here.

It's all right. I'll walk home.

Vern would like to make reparations
for anything that might have
occurred in the past.

How much?
The land.

Yes! That's hitting the
bastard where it hurts.

I knew I should have
said yes when he proposed.

And in return, I don't
get to publish my book?

The agreement with Vern does
preclude any of you publishing
autobiographical or factual...

material concerning
your time in the commune.

What about a novel?

No. No mention of the word 'novel'.

It'd make a great novel, Mum.

It would, wouldn't it?

Or a film. What about a film?

No mention of film either.

It'd make a great film.
(LAUGHS)

Now, look, however you decide
to divide the land up—

Equally, of course.

Oh, no. I am not setting
foot up there ever again.

What's the point, then?

Look, maybe...

Maybe there's a way
we can make this work.

Excuse me.
Digging lady?

What?

[ You gonna be much longer?

Just, you know, wondering.

Oh, OK. I guess that's a yes.

Oh, dear, sweet Lord. You are
more beautiful than ever, Norelle.

Pip.

Vern.

Your strength, your grace —
they've only grown with time.
You are astounding.

Oh!

(CHUCKLES)

And Sonya, you're a writer now?

Trying to be.

Well, you always had that
creativity, and you will succeed,
always!

Oh, Vern!
LAUGHS: Oh, ho-ho-ho!

Hi, Vern.

Rochelle. Beautiful Rochelle.

OK! We need to get a move on,
if that's OK. We've got things
to sign —

confidentiality agreements,
land-transfer agreement.

I'll talk you through it as we go.
You can sit here, big guy.

Oh, all right.

So, this is where Vern
got up to no good.

Something like that.

Yeah. The stories I've
heard about this place.

Rumours and hearsay.

You wanna buy it?

Has hell frozen over?

Close.

No way would Vern sell this to
land-raping scum like me, Jethro.

Well, Vern doesn't own it any more.

Who does?

Ah well. All things must pass.

OK. I'll courier everything
over to your office.

Take care of her, girls. For Gaia.

Right. Now, you can all sign your
copy of the agreement to on-sell for
the sum of $ million,

to be transferred tonight
into the holding account.

Isengard can be yours,
Gary, for million.

mil?
It's a fair price.

Once you've parcelled it up, sold
it off, you'll make a ton of cash.

I'd still make a ton if I bought it
for three, which is what it's worth.

Do you want it or not?

Does Vern know you diddled
him out of his patch?

Take it, make money and be happy.

There's one more thing — as my fee
for brokering this deal, the money
that Mum owes you.

It's gone, wiped.
She owes you nothing.

Aren't you the good son?

Do you want the land or not?

Yeah. Yeah, I want it.

I'll draw up the paperwork.

My word. You are a dark horse.

What have you been up to?

Drink?
I won't. Lots to do.

Oh.

One of Rita's, I take it.

Yep.
Congratulations.

It was only the one.

(LAUGHS)

There were a lot more the last time
I saw them. You must be slutted.

Any idea where the rest went?

I told you — we split it, she sh*t
through, didn't see her for a few
years.

You know where she went?

Why don't you ask Ted?

I wouldn't do that to him.

No. Leave him to his memories, eh?

He wouldn't know anyway. He and Rita
had this weird thing about Rita not
visiting him in prison.

He said it made it all the harder.

Handy for her, that.

How so?

You knew Rita.

She always liked a good secret.

Very good at secrets, that woman.

Don't spent it all at once.

Have a great cruise. Don't
run into any icebergs (!)

TV DRONES

Hey.
Hey.

Where is everyone?
Oh, you know. Out. Doing sh*t.

Congratulations.
You're now debt-free.

Is this the Gary debt?

Gone.
How?

Does it matter?
Yeah.

A deal I brokered made Gary a lot
of money, conditional on him wiping
your debt.

Just like that?
Just like that.

This deal must have made him
a hell of a lot of money.

It was a property deal,
OK, not a drug deal.

And this is the part
where you say thank you.

What did you do?

I made Gary a lot of money,
all right? So now he owes me,
so you don't owe him.

sh*t.

Thanks.

You all right?
Yeah. Just got a bit of exercise.

You?!
Yeah. My body's not
really used to it.

Just stick to rum
and cigarettes, eh?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

Thank you.

It's my pleasure.

Ah, I b*at you to him.

Hi.

Whoo! You're happy.

He's a player now.
Did he tell you that?

Oh, a player!

Well, player, Robbie is sick.
I have to go home.

I'll come with you.
No, no, no. Stay where you are.

It's not life-threatening, and
if you two boys are playing nicely.

Made everyone a lot of money today.

He should celebrate.

No, no, no. I should come with you.

Come on. You're a player,
not a p*ssy.

All class, Gary, as always (!)

Go on, you know you want to.

You have a good night.

OK. I'll call you tomorrow.

Mm-hm.

Don't be a dork.

Always.

Right. Let's unleash hell.

Ow.

Ow, ow, ow.

What have you been
doing to yourself, woman?

I just thought I'd
get some exercise.

Carry on like this and
I'll get you out hunting.

Like that's gonna happen.

(CHUCKLES) Doesn't matter.
I still love you.

In fact, I was thinking of getting
you two china horses to show you how
much I love you.

(CHUCKLES) Don't
even think about it.

Unless you want a truckload
of krugerrands.

Nah. Nah, I'm rich enough already.

Ow. Come around more. That's better.

(GROANS)

(COUGHS)

Trina.

Stay away from me,
you f*cking sick f*ck.