04x15 - Affection! Pooh!

[bunniefuu]

Mum!

If you want my support, prove to me
you're not a spineless sh*t who
dumps people and runs off.

This, uh, heirloom worth anything?

Of course. It's an emerald.

You'll nick it?

You went to all this
trouble for a root?

BOOM!

Ah.
You'll be wanting your money.

And the rest.
Two sisters — one who is bitter
and selfish, your girlfriend;

and then we have another,
who's kind and rather rich.

'Not my girlfriend.'
'That could change, couldn't it?'

I think we need to be more on to it
when putting stuff in plastic bags.

And making sure we write on the bag
which part of the car it's from.

I hear that.

I don't even think
this is from our car.

What is it?
Nah, I don't get it.

Munter comes with his car.

KNOCKING ON DOOR ]

It's only half his car.

But it's none of mine,
and it's all over my place. ]

Not my problem!

There's someone at the door.

Well, get it!

All right. God.

Keep your pants on.

Wouldn't you rather have Munter
at your place all of the time?

Not if it includes his car.

Hide the dr*gs!
It's a raid! (LAUGHS)

Just kidding, Zoe. Come in.
Oh! You brought a little friend!

Heya.
Hey. Um, I need you to come
down to the station with me.

LAUGHS: Yeah, good one, Zoe.

She's pretending to
arrest Wayne. Awesome.

I need you to come to the station.
Why?

It would just make it a lot
easier for everyone concerned.

Am I under arrest?

No. It would just make it easier.

Sure.

Whoa.
That can't be good
in a relationship.

HELLO SAILOR'S 'GUTTER BLACK'

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

♪ My luck in the gutter black.

♪ I guess I'm running back...

♪ ...to you.

♪ You in my brain.
You in my heart. ♪

Don't you listen to your
horrible old auntie.

What is this about Wayne?

God, there is vomit all through it.

It's not Jane's fault!

No, Van, it is yours for playing
aeroplanes with her over my bag.

You keep chundering like that,

you'll end up a washed-up
model like Auntie Pascalle.

Can we get back to Wayne?
Has he been arrested?

He's been taken in for questioning.

CHUCKLES: I wonder if Zoe
will b*at the sh*t out of him.

Language, around the baby.

What did he do?
I dunno.

Must be weird, though, eh? Getting
arrested by your missus. (LAUGHS)

Gross. There is spew on my tampons.

Yuck. I hope you're
going to wash them first.

Where is he?
What's going on?

The old bastard. Where is he?
I dunno.

Actually, where is Grandpa?

I haven't seen him in ages.

What if he's dead in his caravan?

He should be so bloody lucky.

Don't you dare smack him
around in front of the baby.

What's he done?

Don't you make me come
and get you, old prick!

What's he done?!

He's f*cked me up the arse.

If you guys speak like that,
I'm taking Jane inside.

How has he f*cked you?

There's been a bit of a crime
wave in West Auckland lately.

So, what's new?

Every job has two things in common —
one, the alarms are bypassed;

and two, all the alarms were
installed by Judd Security!

Excellent scam, Wayne.

I didn't do the burgs, Van.

Oh, no, no, of course you didn't.

But if you had —
excellent scam, Wayne.

Not when there's a sticker saying,
'Protected by Judd Security.'

He's not good at planning.

And on all the jobs that got hit,
I had a beautiful assistant.

When you robbed them?

When I installed the f*cking alarms
with your f*cking grandfather!

Ooh.
I'll k*ll him.

No, no, no. That's my job.

On the bright side, you've
probably got a really good alibi.

You were probably shacked
up with Zoe at the time.

Let's face it — sh*t-hot alibi when
a cop stands there and goes, 'No,
he was in bed with me at the time.'

Van, I'm looking to smack somebody.
Don't let it be you.

First time I've ever
seen you fold washing.

Well, it's quicker than ironing.

I thought I was dead to you.

I need to find Ted.

Last I knew, he lived at your place.

Have you seen him?
Is he OK?

How hard is it for you to answer—?

OK, yes, he dropped
in a few days ago.

Did he say anything?
He said plenty, but you'll have to
be more specific. What's he done?

Come on, Mum. If he's
being a d*ck, I can help.

OK.

Have you got any clues where he is?

Yep. But you won't like it.

There's gotta be something better,
but 'onion' describes it perfectly —
the peeling of layers. Or w*r.

You've never been in a w*r.
How would you know?

My soldiers —

brave boys, each and every one
of them, sneaking in under cover
of darkness,

like little commandoes breaching
the enemy's defences, homing in.

Grandpa.
The Holy Grail. A crusade to swarm
the Holy Land, one castle at a time.

A button here, a button there.
The feel of lace, the feel of nipple
under the lace.

Like an onion! Another
layer to be peeled.

Oh, Jesus. He's not on with
those hookers again, is he?

Worse — Ngaire Munroe.

Ngaire bloody Munroe?
Christ, he hates her.

Yeah, well, things have changed.

He kind of did a job for her.

A job?
Long story, but now...

The gates of heaven
are within my grasp!

Gates of heaven? I don't understand.

The ones that open when Ngaire
finally spreads her legs.

Ugh!
Ew!

All forays by my troops have
met with resistance thus far.

But I'll get there.
Or, by God, I'll die trying!

I know someone who'd
like to help with that.

What's he done?

It's not your concern.

I just told you about Ngaire Munroe.

You took your time.
A bit hard when we— ]

Thanks for your help.

No problem (!)

When do I have time for the gym?

You make time.

I am Jane's primary caregiver.

Along with keeping this family
together, it doesn't leave time for
the gym.

You don't need a membership. Nicky's
fine with you there any time.

This is like digging
up dinosaur bones.

Like those people who dress up
in safari suits and dig around.

Archaeologists?

Yeah, it's like digging up
the ruins of my former life.

This mascara, for example, is from
when I was less than honest about
paying for stuff.

That led me to... Bruce. My God.
I thought I chucked this away when
he dumped me.

But no, I just chucked it in
here with the rest of the crap.

No wonder I have a sore back,
lugging all of this sh*t and Jane
around.

Hey.

Oh, Jane's asleep. You can
wait till she wakes up.

No worries. Looks like a fun hobby.

Jane spewed up in my bag.

(LAUGHS) Excellent.

And I'm finding stuff
I forgot I even had.

A woman's handbag is a portal
to a parallel universe.

Yeah, where you can't find anything.

And you need a different universe
for day and for night,

which means hauling the crap
from one universe into another.

Oh my God! That's it.
What is?

Ah! It's genius!
What is?

My idea. The idea I just had
when you were talking. Thank you!

Oh!

Are you actually going to
do anything at any stage?

About Pascalle?

No, about global f*cking warming (!)

I'm doing it.

You're doing sweet F-A,
as far as I can see.

She has to come to me.

God, Nicky, you're so up yourself.

I put a move on before she's ready,
shut the gate, she's gone.

And what if someone else puts a move
on while you're dicking around?

A rich half-dead American?

No, Hayden Peters.

That ponce? Pascalle
wouldn't go back to him.

The last three guys she's been
involved with are the dead Yank,
an Indian midget and Hayden Peters.

Who says she won't go back?
She wouldn't.

She's a fruitloop. You have no idea.

Yeah, but that d*ck?

Just up your game, OK? And make sure
the next d*ck inside her is yours,
not his.

Cheryl.
Ngaire.

BIRDS SING

Can I come in?

If you must.

If you wouldn't mind taking your
shoes off. I don't want you tracking
mud through the house.

I have no idea where Ted is
right at this very minute.

What about later?

When he turns up looking
for a bed for the night?

He's certainly not staying here.

What? You boot him out after
you've had your kicks, do you?

I don't know what you're suggesting.

I have standards. I know how
to conduct myself around men.

I'm sure you do, Ngaire.

I'm sure you could conduct an entire
orchestra of men trying to get into
your knickers.

But what do you get
them to do for you?

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

OK.

If you happen to see Ted West,
would you mind passing on a message
from me?

Can you tell him Cheryl said,
'I've no idea what sick, twisted
game you've got going on,

'but when it comes to hurting
innocent people, can you cut it
the f*ck out?'

Are we done here?
Yeah. We're done here.

Good.
Good for me too.

SMASH!

sh*t. Sorry (!)

You would be looking for Grandpa.

How'd you know?
Mum came to see me.

Why?
Like you — to find Grandpa.

It's got nothing to do with her.

This is my mother we're talking
about. When's that ever stopped her?

So where is he?

If you want that story, ask Mum.
I am way too traumatised.

I'm not asking her. I'm asking you.

It's to do with Ngaire Munroe.

sh*t. Is he still trying to tap her?

What exactly has he done?

(SIGHS) A one-man crime spree.

Problem is, it all points to me.

sh*t. Does he want
it to point to you?

I don't know why he would.

Maybe he's just
thinking with his d*ck.

That's a thought I
don't want to dwell on.

If you hear from him...
...I'll alert the authorities.

Ta.

DOOR CLOSES ]
So, this is Hayden's idea?

No. Like I said — when Hayden
was talking, I had the idea.
Right.

I wanted to try it out on you guys
first, cos you know how sometimes
good ideas turn out—?

Busy here.
What's the idea?

It is a bag. OK? And this bag
has lots of little bits inside —
compartments.

And each compartment is made
to hold stuff, like make-up bits,
phone bits.

But the thing is — each compartment
can join to the others, with a zip
or something.

Then you can change them around.

So once you get the compartments you
want, you can put the insides in any
other kind of outside.

So you can change your outside any
time you want. It's a bag that can
change with your life.

The possibilities are endless!

So? (INHALES) That's...
a really great idea, Pascalle.
Good luck... with it.

You hate it.
No, no. I don't hate it.
I just don't get it.

(SIGHS) What's not to get?

This is the most genius idea ever.

That's really mean.
No! It's brilliant.

You don't need to sift through
all your sh*t to find your lippy.

You just take the bits you need —
phone, make-up, condoms.

Yeah.
And it can have different outsides —
glamour, classy, beach bag, gym bag.

Yes! Yes!
It can be whatever you want it to
be. It's like the best bag ever.

No. It is the Best Bag Ever.

(GASPS) It so is! That's
what we should call it.

I just called it the Best Bag Ever.

We need to start on this.
Someone else might get this idea.

I've already had it.
They don't know that.

Casey? We — as in you and me —
have got back orders out our arse.

Yeah, yeah. Boring, boring.

We will talk again.

You bet your lily-white
arse we will.

It's rude to stare.

You look busy.

That's cos I am.
Sheree around?

She's probably in the bathroom
chucking or on the bed trying
not to.

CHUCKLES: Right.

Oh, uh, Sheree reckons you
might be up for joining my gym.

Oh, no.

I've got far too much else to do.

Like drawing pictures of... hats?

They're handbags.

I'm not a handbag kinda guy.

Well, luckily, here
is someone who is.

Got that right.

Thank you! All that stuff you
said this morning about bags.

My pleasure.

It has given me the most brilliant
idea I've ever had in my life.

Wow.

Do you want to hear about it?

Yeah. I'd be mad if I didn't.

Told you so.

Thanks for that (!)

You were the one not taking him
seriously, and now you are.

Get a move on and get the
ponce the f*ck out of play.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It might help if pretty
boy wasn't so pretty.

No.

No, you're right.

Bloody lame ducks she goes for,
it'd probably seal the deal.

You're not helping.

Well, you're not exactly sweeping
her off her feet, are you?

♪ There's been a lot of talk...

♪ about you and me.

Tried you at your office.
Thought you'd be here.

He'll turn up.

So, do you want another drink?

Nah, I'm good.

So, what's this?

Job sheets. I'm just trying
to remember which jobs he lent
a hand on — cased the joint.

He wouldn't have been
planning it back then.

I wouldn't bloody put it past him.

♪ I don't need you no more.

No, this is due to something
entirely new and evil in his life.

Yeah, Ngaire Munroe.

How'd you know that?

I went to see Loretta.
Why'd you see her?

For you, of course.

You don't need to do that.

I do, because like it or not,
he's still part of the family.

Yeah, only just, most of the time.

CHUCKLES: True that.

He's my cross to bear, so you
don't have to get involved.

What if I want to help?

Great, thanks, but I can
fight my own battles.

Will you stop it with this
macho 'man alone' crap?

It's not crap. Every place that gets
turned over, for whatever reason—

Ngaire Munroe.

'Forget her. He is hitting me in
the f*cking pocket every night.'

Business is walking out
cos my name is all over this,

so excuse me if I'm
over the West family,

because none of you are doing me
any f*cking favours right now.

Fine. And I won't tell you, then,
that I went to see Ngaire today
and put the hard word on her.

Great. Thanks for that (!)

If he didn't turn up here, I was
going to get him there, but now he
knows that I'm looking for him.

OK. All right. Well, if I find him
first, I'll make sure he's still
breathing so you can finish him off.

And I said don't bother.

Too f*ckin' bad!

What on earth is this?!

It appealed to me.

Well, not to me. Get rid of it.

Tomorrow.

You like everything else?

It's acceptable.

(CHUCKLES)

I've still got it.

Yes, Ted. You have.

(CHUCKLES)

m*llitary DRUMS

Cheryl paid a visit. You
probably shouldn't go home.

But don't get your hopes up, Ted.

You're not staying here.

Mum, this is a bit weird.

I'm going to catch that old prick
whether he wants me to or not.

Why would Grandpa want you to?

Mum, is this a cry for help?

Just go inside, Pascalle.

Well, don't fall asleep,

cos he'll know you're there
by the snoring. Night-night.

So it's a bag you can turn into
an infinite number of other bags?

Well, not infinite. More like heaps.

That's genius.

I think so.

It's one of those ideas so simple,
you wonder why no one's done it.

I'm doing it now.
Good on you.

LAUGHS: Yeah.

Make sure you keep hold of your
idea. A lot of people waiting to rip
off a good one.

Yeah, I know. Hayden said I need to,
like, form a company and get it on
writing.

And he'd know?
Yeah, he's had heaps of businesses.

A man with a finger in many pies.

Is he your partner?
Oh, he's just giving me advice.

Right.

Of course he was.
Hey, you ready to go?

Yeah. Let's do it.

Good luck with it all, eh?

Don't you say a f*cking word.

Cheeky bloody w*nk*r!

Wow, you have been busy.

Not doing her actual work.

I was awake half the night
thinking about our idea.

My idea.
I got up and started drawing.
And I haven't stopped.

I can testify to that. At no time
today has she done any actual work.

Why the f*ck not?

I've been working on an idea.

My idea.

The Best Bag Ever.

It's genius.

I don't care. We've got back orders
to fill. Could you hook off?

I will.

Oh, and if you see Grandpa, can
you club him, tie him and call me?

Hi.

Hey.

Am I accompanying you
down to the station?

Not yet.

What happened last night?

Croatian Cultural Society.

sh*t.
Alarm system bypassed.

All you've gotta do is say his name.

Got any proof?

Why are you protecting him?

Protecting who?

For f*ck's sake, Wayne.

He's not doing you any favours.

You think I don't know that?

I'm just trying to
look out for you here.

Yeah, I know.

You, of all people, should know
about choosing which side of the
fence to be on.

Yeah. I'll deal with it.

Your choice, Wayne.

There are few things finer than
the way a woman's nipple responds
to a man's touch.

The way it stiffens and grows as he
rolls it between finger and thumb.

The way she gasps—
Grandpa, you really don't
need to tell me this.

Oh, come on. You didn't get
your baby off a toilet seat.

Forget the elderly p*rn.

What about all the sh*t
you're causing to get laid?

Playing with her nipples?
[ This crime spree.

Means to an end. And since when
did you join the God squad?

I didn't.
All righteous?

You are hurting people who give
a sh*t about you. And I don't mean
me and Mum.

If you want to eat the omelette,
you have to break the eggs.

What does that even mean?

Hey, Grandpa.

Trust you not to understand. You'll
end up sad and alone, but not me.

People are looking for you.

I'd better move fast.

Off home for some clean undies,
then you won't see me for dust.

You know about companies and stuff.
Yeah, why?

I want to start one. ]

CELLPHONE RINGS
Yeah, what?

OK, Wests don't dob,
but Grandpa just left,

heading home in search
of fresh underwear.

I had an idea.

Don't look at me like that.
It happens more than you think.

OK, so what is this idea?

Like I'd tell you.
You'd just steal it.

You're here to insult
me into helping you?

It's not your fault.

It's just the way you are.

Go and talk to a lawyer, Pascalle.

Yeah, that's what Hayden said.

You talked to him
before you talked to me?

He's allowed in the house.

You told him your great idea?

He was really supportive.

You're worried about me?

Hayden wouldn't steal it.
Hayden's a f*cking parasite!

I should get a lawyer.
I wish Jethro was here.

So I could fulfil my dreams
of living on the street (!)

Don't be so bitter.

f*ck off, Pascalle.
Fine.

And I hope someone does steal
your stupid idea, whatever it is.

WHISPERS: Buggeration.

sh*t!

Ugh! Bastard!

Come back here, you old prick!

Give it up, old man.
Up yours!

You stop this sh*t
and you stop it now!

Ugh!
What's it to you?

He doesn't deserve this sh*t! Ow!

You washed your hands
of him, Slutty Pants.

He doesn't deserve what
you're doing to him!

What the f*ck are you staring at?

CROATIAN ACCENT: I warned them,
'Don't hire this man! He's no bloody
good.

'He's in bed with
those thieving Wests!'

I didn't take your accordion, OK?

You know how important this
accordion is to Croatian community?

No, but I bet you'll tell me.

That's what my boy Slavka plays
his fingers to the bone for.

Now it's gone, and I bet you know
how took it — one of those bloody
thieving Wests.

Gidday to you too, Mr D.

You tell me who took it.
Who took what?

A Golden Accordion.

Symbol of accordion supremacy in NZ.

Good riddance, I'd have thought.

Mr Doslic.

You tell the Croatian Society that I
will refund the cost of the alarms.

I will tell them.

But that is not point.

The point is, you get
Golden Accordion back

or Slavka and many angry
accordionists will pay a visit.

Cheryl.

Mr D.

Draska's very good, by the way.

She is trying for baby.

Great, just what the world
needs — more Draskas (!)

You can't keep paying people
back because of what he's doing.

I don't want to incur the wrath
of 'many angry accordionists'.

What happened to you?

Old bastard got me
with a cheap sh*t.

Cheryl, leave him to me.

What he's doing is wrong.
Call the cops.

No.
He doesn't deserve loyalty.
If you don't, I will.

What happened to the West code?

f*ck that. ]

Look, I'll get him soon. Tonight,
tomorrow, when he hits the Waitemata
Sports Club.

How do you know this?

When I was putting the job sheets
in order, I realised he's doing the
jobs in the order we did the jobs.

So you know where he'll be?

Yep. And the police have copies too.

Do you think they'll
put it together? ]

Eventually.

Well, at his age,
he won't go inside.

Even if he does, well,
he quite likes it in there.

I can't do that to him.

He f*cking deserves it!

Cheryl, my problem,
not yours — stay out of it.

Hey.

It's not a Jane day.

I know. I came to see you.

What for?

About that.

What about it?

There's a guy you should meet.

I'm not really interested,
being that I'm recently widowed—

No, not like that.

His wife wouldn't be very happy.
He's a marketing guy, into product
start-up.

Mm-hm?
If you want, I could hook you up.

Why?
So he can test your idea.

Like an exam or something?

To see if there are
people who would buy it.

But it's brilliant.
I agree.

Since when is it a sucky idea?

It's not, but so far it's
only you and me who think so.
And Kasey.

All right. Let's say that we are
the only three people in the entire
world who think it's brilliant.

So it is a sucky idea?

Need to find out for sure.

How?

This guy can arrange focus groups.
He'll get the opinions of other
people.

People who might buy the bag.

Kasey would definitely buy it.

Pascalle,

all I'm saying is, maybe
you should see the guy.

For grand, he can tell
you what you need to know —

cheaper than throwing money into an
idea that fails. Not that I'm saying
it'll happen.

Well, actually, you sort of are.

No, no. What I'm saying is,
spend a little, learn a lot.

It's not as if you
haven't got the money.

grand? What a bunch of bullshit.

He's probably right.
Like f*ck.

No, he's really smart
with business and stuff.

He's in direct mail.

He delivers junk mail?

I'm pretty sure he's got people
to deliver the junk mail for him.

And that's not dodgy (!)

I can test your idea.

It'd cost you way less than .

How much less?

grand less.

You can buy me a drink,
is what it will cost.

Are you serious?

Yeah, it'd be times more real
than any focus-marketing crap.

Be honest, all right?
She can take it.

If you don't get it or if it's not
your thing, say so. OK? No one's
going to hold it against you.

Away you go.

Hi. I'm Pascalle. Thank you
all for agreeing to listen.

And I won't take too long, so you
can all get back to hitting things
and lifting stuff.

Anyway, I want to show you all
an idea that I had the other day.

They loved it!
There you go.

Except the lady with the deep voice.

She can press twice her weight.
I wouldn't trust her on handbags.

But everyone else.

Exactly. Big thumbs up.

Yeah, it was amazing.

It was, wasn't it?

It's very simple. It doesn't
matter what you really think.

Whatever she says, you listen
and you love the idea, or you don't
get next month's membership free.

Yeah. Thank you so much
for such a genius idea.

To go with your genius idea.

LAUGHS: Yeah. It's so true.

And slightly cheaper than K.

Well, thank you again, and I'll
have to get you that drink.

Uh, I will take you up on that.

Which is, uh, something
I've wanted to do for ages.

But you just suggested
it this afternoon.

Yeah, that was an excuse.

For me to buy you a drink?

(LAUGHS BASHFULLY)

I thought I might buy you one,
and then maybe I can buy you dinner.

Oh.

I think you're f*cking amazing.

Which is, um, something I've wanted
to say for a long time, but there
was a problem.

[ What?

Loretta.

Oh yeah.

Boy, did I hook up
with the wrong sister.

Not that I'm saying we're going to
hook up because you owe me a drink.

Um...

(SIGHS)

You are amazing, and I know you're
going to do amazing things,

and I also know you don't need me
or anyone else coming along for
the ride,

cos when you take control of things,
the world will fall at your feet —
I know that for a fact.

And I'll be there, cheering you on.

Well, I'd better go.

Yeah.

But thank you.

Bring it on, you old f*ck.

I've gotta go out for a bit.

OK.

I need to go out.

OK.

Hayden. Hi. Thanks for coming.

No worries.

You want a drink?
No, thank you.

Oh. OK.

Well, if we're not a pub to do
what God intended, what can I do?

Nothing.

I can manage that.

Thank you for all of your
enthusiasm towards my idea,

and for the offer of marketing help,
but I have decided to decline.

Oh. OK.

And being that you are you, I think
it's best that we don't ever talk
about my idea ever again.

Who exactly am I, Pascalle?

You're you.
Which is what?

Well, you know — junk-mail stuff.
Direct marketing.

Dodgy stuff.

And I'm me, and I have to do things
in my own way, which means staying
clear of all of that.

I have to take control, Hayden.

You're quite right, Pascalle.
So, do you want a drink?

Ah, no, sorry. My next
appointment has just arrived.

Good luck with it all, eh?

Yeah. You too.

Hey, genius!
Kasey. Hi. Thanks for coming.

You chicks want a drink?
A Woody for me.

Nothing.
Cheap round.

Now, about the Best Bag Ever.

I'm so excited about it.

I know, so we need to make a plan.

I've been dying to work on it,
but Cheryl's been making me work.

She is an unbeliever,
so we need to make a plan.

So, what about—?
The plan is this.

I will set you up with anything you
need — sewing machine, materials.

We set up at your place to make the
prototypes, and once I'm happy with
these, we go into production.

OK. That sounds like a plan.

I'll find a lawyer to put
everything down on paper, -.

How do you mean?

Well, once Best Bag starts making
money, you will get % of the
profits.

So what's wrong with -?

My idea. I'm putting up the money.

Drink, to celebrate.

No, no can do. People to see.

He's not here.

I know.

So, what will it take for you
to get Ted to stop this nonsense?

Which nonsense is this?

Don't bullshit me, Ngaire.

What will it take?

Ted is very much his own man.

He's living in your pocket.

He wishes.

Yeah, he does.

And you're feeding off that.

But you know, whatever
spins your wheels.

But there are other lives at stake
here, Ngaire, so what will it take
for you to call him off?

We have a lot of history, Ted and I.
Too many dead people in common.

I do have feelings for him.

It's good to be needed, Cheryl —
to have a man who'd do just about
anything for you.

Very attractive.

Yeah, it is.

To have someone who needs you. ]

He'll still need you after you open
your legs for him, if that's what
you're worried about.

I have standards, Cheryl.

I know you do, Ngaire.

If you have feelings for him,
then it's time you did something,

because he is one job
away from getting caught.

Ted won't get caught.
He's still got it.

He's a silly old fool, and one night
he's not going to turn up, and then
you'll be alone.

I mean, to... to be alone when
you've got a man who would do just
about anything for you —

it's a pretty dumb
choice in my book.

So maybe it's time you
did something for him.

If you love him —
or whatever — then prove it.

Don't you bloody dare!
Jesus! What are you doing,
giving a man a heart att*ck?

Oh, what about the
reaming you're giving me?

Don't be a girl's blouse.

No one's going to pin this on ya.

What about my business, you prick?

Every bloody alarm I install gets
knocked over. You're f*cking up my
life!

Sorry about that, but I
have an omelette to eat.

A what?!
I'm on a noble quest to win a lady.

You're trying to get laid?

You should know what it's
like when you love someone.

Oh, you love her?

Of course I love her, you moron.

You know what it's like,
how far you'll go.

Oh, shut up.

Why did you put up with me all
this time? For her — that's why.
No.

You did!
I didn't!

I'm not making your mistake.
I'm grabbing life by the balls.
Out of the way.

Ted, piss off!
You piss off!

Give it up!
Never! I've still got it and I
know I have! Get out of the way.

SIRENS WAIL

sh*t! Come on!

Buggeration! Bollocks!

Argh!

You'll be the death of me, old man!

Get in there, stay quiet and don't
come out till everyone's f*cked off!

CLANG! CLANG!

Hey.
Hey.

I did what you said.

What did I say?

I took control.

And it felt good.

And all that stuff that you
said before — it felt really nice,
actually.

So shall we get that drink?

Where do you wanna go?

Is your place OK?

What happened to you?

Things went a bit cock-eyed.

Sit down.

Here. Have a drink.

I don't have anything for you.

Bloody idiot.

Bloody fool I am.

I haven't got it any more.
Shhh.

Drink.

[ DOOR OPENS

Did you break into my house?

Old habits.

Brought my own piss, though.

So, uh, did you get your man?

Yep. I got him, saved
his arse, lost him again.

What are you doing here?

I don't think he'll do that again.

What makes you so sure?

A few words in the right ear.

I thought I told you
to stay out of it.

Well, since when do I ever
do what you told me to?

And is it really so terrible that I
do something for you for a change?

He's in love.

Yeah, maybe so.

And people do weird sh*t
when they're in love.

Ain't that the truth?

Well, anyway, um...

Mostly I just wanted
to make sure you were OK.

Yeah, thanks for that.

Yeah, so...

(CLEARS THROAT) I'll go now.

See you, Wayne.

See you, Cheryl.

BOTH LAUGH

♪ Are you a broken record?

Can I come in?

Yes, please.
(LAUGHS)

♪ You could be everything

♪ that I always wanted so bad.

♪ That I always wanted so bad. ♪

You doing that thing where
you watch me while I sleep?

Yeah.
Don't. It's freaky.

This is more the freaky
that I had in mind.

Why haven't we been doing this
as often as humanly possible?

I dunno.

I think it was to do with somebody
owing someone an apology.

BREATHLESSLY: And there
was a bit of crap.

You can remember what
that stupid sh*t was about?

Mm.

KNOCK ON DOOR ]

That's not good.

What the f*ck is that?

It's a peace offering.

Lose the sheet, chick.

(LAUGHS)

What time do you call this?

You back, are you?

We must have work to do, all
the crime in this neighbourhood.

The crime rate just dropped.

But they never caught the bugger.

I take it you found your
way into Ngaire's knickers.

Don't be disgusting.
(CHUCKLES)

But I do know the path to paradise.

Cheryl. Hey, it's okay if you stay
out all night. I looked after Jane.

Just maybe give us a bit
of notice next time, eh?

Pascalle was here.

No, Pascalle never came home either.

Really?
Really.

How are you, princess? Hello.

Ngaire.
Cheryl.

You were right.

I'm sorry. I just thought
you said then I was right.

Don't be childish.

The point is, Ted and I talked.
We put aside all the games — the
foreplay, I suppose you'd call it.

If you guys have had sex, I am going
to hear about it eventually, so you—

I thought you'd got it, Cheryl.

I'm an old-fashioned girl.
I like to do things properly.

Yes, Cheryl. Ted
asked me to marry him.

And I said yes.

Thought you'd like to know.

Well, bugger me.