05x18 - How Like an Angel!

[bunniefuu]

(GROANS, PANTS)

It's a boy.

What's—? What's wrong?
Is there something wrong?

I'm sorry.

I lost it all because of your
sister. My grandfather is in prison
and might die. You did it,

so if you want to make it up to me,
fix it, and then I might listen to
you.

OK.
Is his hearing today?

You might talk to
the police prosecutor.

What if I already did?

The police are not opposing
the application, your Honour.

There's a lot of things
I like about you, Pascalle.

Yay.

WHISPERS: Ted. Ted West.

Eric?

Who are you calling Eric?

You. Where the hell have you been?

I'm not Eric.

DEEP VOICE: I'm the angel of death.

Have you been hitting the turps?

I told you, I'm the
bloody angel of death.

DEEP VOICE: And I've got a message.

'You are about to go to jail.'

If you'd been around a bit more,
you'd know that's old news.

All right, but I've got a message.

Save it for someone who cares.

THUD!

Oi, you'll wake Ngaire.

And I've got a bloody message,
and I'm not going till I give it.

Get on with it, then.

(CLEARS THROAT)

DEEP VOICE: You are going to jail.

'Where the iron gates
will close, never to open,

'for there you will die.'

That's the long and the short
of it. How are you, Ted?

I haven't seen you for a bloody age
and you say crap like this.

You deserve a smack
round the smiler.

Eh? I'm just the messenger.

Bugger off.
But I just got here.

I said piss off.

Well, if you're gonna be like that
about it, you can always come now.
Come where?

THUNDER RUMBLES

DEEP VOICE: My place.

sh*t. I am a goner.

HELLO SAILOR'S 'GUTTER BLACK'

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

♪ My luck in the gutter black.

♪ I guess I'm running back...

♪ ...to you.

♪ You in my brain.
You in my heart. ♪

I've got a job for you.

Grandpa, I'm really busy.

It's a legal jobbie.

Look, Grandpa, it's over.

Ha! Tell me about it.

No matter what, you're going down.

Bugger the court case. That's the
least of my worries. I need you to
make my will and hurry up about it.

What's the rush?
I'm about to cark it, you cretin.
Why else would I want one?

MOTORCYCLE APPROACHES

Pascalle.
What do you want?

I've got something for you.

Have you been in a fight?
You could say that.

You won't find any sympathy here.

I'm not here for sympathy.

What's this?
Payback. The beginning of it.

Where did you get it?
I fought for it.

You stole it?

I went on a fight tour, OK?

That's a lot of fighting.

grand, but it's only the start.

I said I'd pay you back for
what Sheree did and I'll do it —
every dollar.

Hi, it's just me.

Hey.

What's this?
I thought I'd make you lunch.

Oh, you don't have to.

[ No, that's OK. I love cooking.

OK, though, usually when we meet for
lunch, we don't usually have time
for lunch.

Well, you know, I thought I'd
spice things up a little bit.

Oh, yeah...

PHONE RINGS

Uh, you want me to get that?

Um, no I can get it.

(LAUGHS) Allow me.

CELLPHONE RINGS

Oh, I missed it. Jethro.

Oh, OK.

Did you have a win at the races?

No.

Um, that's from Nicky.

Nicky? When did you see him?

He came around cos, you know,
he wants to pay me back the money
after what Sheree did.

He earned it fighting.

Oh. Well, you really believe that?

Well, he had bruises and everything.

You have to give this back. It'll be
scum money. Promise me you'll give
it back.

Look, I can't stand by and see you
get caught up in any more trouble
cos of him.

I just— I just want to keep you safe
from the bad guys, that's all.

OK.

Same again?
I'll get them, bro.

No, it's my round.

No! But there's three of us.

There's always you, me and Munter.

It's not fair cos we're two and
you're one and we're getting nachos.

Yeah, and we can still
order another one for you.

I don't want nachos.

But you gotta eat, bro.

Look, hon, we know you
must be finding it tight.

Yeah, with the mortgage.
Oh, no, not really.

Van, people do struggle
with mortgage repayments.

God, it's like a rite of passage.

Like your first wet dream.

We can order you another
nachos, is all we're saying.

No, listen. I don't want nachos, OK?

I've got my lunch and, um, hey...

Hey, guys, I got a flatmate.

You got a flatmate?

Yep.
Who is he?

Why didn't you ask me?

Because you already have
a place and you're married.

Yeah, you are.

Yeah, I know.
So who's this other guy?

Actually, uh,

he is a... she.

Oh.

No, it's not like that.

Oh, I didn't say anything.

It's definitely not like that, OK?

Ooh.
Oh my God.

Oh, what? You've never
seen a lunch box before?

I never knew you had one.

Heaps of tradesmen have them,
Munter. Now, can you keep your
voices down? They'll kick me out.

Whoa.

You made all that?

Nah, my, um, my flatmate made them.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Oh. Really? (SNIGGERS)

What?
That's just really nice of her
since she is just your flatmate.

She is just my flatmate.
One that made you lunch.

I'm saving money!

She's so into you that
she made your lunch.

So is she, bro?
Is she what?

Into you or you into her?

Oh for God's sake. It's—
It's a packed... lunch.

Just get off my case and go
get your nachos. Get your nachos!

All right. All right.

And beer!

Hi.

I'm sorry, but I can't accept this.

But it's yours.
I can't take it cos it's dodgy.

Look, I earned it, OK? Straight up.

Well, some people don't think so.

Which people?

You're still on with Gerard?

Actually, his name is Zane,
and he's really understanding.

Gerard — understanding?
Give me a break.

What is that supposed to mean?
I told you about him.

It's a big mistake, Pascalle.

He cares about me.
Look, he doesn't.

No, he actually does.
He doesn't.

He does! And you don't have
to be a w*nk*r about it.

Pascalle, wait. Gerard's not...

Not what?

OK, he's not good with women.

How would you know that?
You're not a woman.

Trust me. I know.

He slept with Sheree when
we were back in the Bay.

(SCOFFS) No.

Zane would not have gone there.

No, he did.

Well, Sheree's a slut.

She was , Pascalle.

So? She's an underage slut.

She was and he was a cop.

Does that not seem wrong to you?
She got in trouble; he said he'd
make it go away if she...

Think what you like about Sheree,
but that is not right.

He was corrupt and dirty.

CELLPHONE RINGS

And he still is.

Uh, I have to get this.

What do you want, Jethro?

Yeah, OK, I'll be there if you want
me to be there, but it better be
important.

Bye.

Eric is the angel of death?
Apparently.

Angel of bad personal hygiene maybe.

Oh.
What?

Nothing.

I just think that this whole
dream thing is obviously crap.

Grandpa believes it.

He's written his will out and
he wants you to be executor.

Me?

He wants Loretta to k*ll him?

No. Um, executor is the person who
sees that the terms of the will are
met after the person's d*ed.

Well, why would he want Loretta?
She'll just run off with his money.

What money?

It's stupid. He's gonna be fine.
He did have a dream, though.

With Eric — that's a nightmare.

It's not my fault they come true.

No, they don't.

Hello — ' Melbourne Cup.
He dreamt about a flying Kiwi,
backed the winner and collected.

And he dreamt the code on a TAB job.

You're just saying that
cos you want his money.

He has no money.

Nothing Eric says could be true,
even if it was in a dream.

Except if he was saying
he's a smelly pervert.

Look, Grandpa believe this, OK?

Well, he shouldn't!

It's rubbish, Grandpa.
It's not.

If God chose an angel,
it wouldn't be Eric.

He'd be too pissed to do anything.

I thought this stretch would be
my last. This just proves it.

Eric? Come on, old man,
it's got to be bollocks.

And it's no reason to start making
bad decisions like letting Loretta
get her hands on your money.

Oh, f*ck me.

ERIC: Gidday, Cheryl. ]

You can piss off!
Eh?

I'm dying in jail, not here.

What are you going on about?

(GASPS) Bugger off.

I just got here. I've got a bone to
pick with you lot after three years
in Palmerston North.

How's that to do with us?

I had to leave town because your
bloody ex-wife said that I was a
nark.

Well, you were.
I had to leave my home,

my business, in fear of my life.

You didn't have a home
or a business.

The Galleria.

Anyway, the point is, I'm in
Palmerston North laying low,

and into my local walks that bitch
Monica. I thought, 'That's it. I'm
nickeroonied.'

But she walks over and laughs in
my face. Turns out she didn't say
nothing to nobody.

She made all that sh*t up because
she was pissed off with you about
you.

Well, if you'd asked...

Three bloody years of my life wasted
in Palmerston bloody North.

What have you got to say, eh?

(GROANS)
Oh my God. Grandpa?

You owe me. And not just an apology.

Grandpa?

What about Palmerston North?

So did he say anything about her?

Nope.
You didn't even ask him.

No.

God, that whole sandwich thing —
it was so a sign.

What, the way they were
cut into triangles?

No, the way he reacted.

Did you see the mandarins with all
the white stringy bits taken off?

She so has to be his secret lover.

A woman who pays so much attention
to sandwich art — imagine what the
Vanitron gets.

Are you saying the Mighty Munt
doesn't get enough attention?

No, 'course not, baby. Nah, never.

So shall we go and visit?
Nah.

Come on. Don't you want to meet her?

We should give them some space.

Not just a teeny-weeny bit curious?

Van will introduce
us when he's ready.

Surprise!

Hey.

Hey, bro. Just thought we'd bring
over a little happy-flatmate-warming
gift.

Something for the lady of the house.

Oh.

Oh my God.

Angel?

Oh, hello, Munty.

Look, uh, I'll just tuck this away
and I'll be right with you.

Hello.

Munty? You know her?

Oh, Van did some work for her.

What? And she is your flatmate?

Oh my God.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I just had
a— a shower. Oh, and this is not a
gay thing, OK?

Angel's house got sold. She needed
somewhere and she loves housework,
so...

And making awesome lunches.

Yes. What is so wrong about that?

Hey. You look great.

I'm not dressed up.

Well, you still look great.

I can't come out.

You OK?

Grandpa's gone to hospital.
He's had a turn.

Oh, sh*t, no. That's terrible.

So I can't go out to dinner.

No, no, no. God,
I-I understand. Um...

Did you want a drink?

Did you sleep with Sheree?

Who the hell told you that?

Greegan. I said stay away
from that piece of sh*t.

Hello — I went to take the money
back, like you wanted. Well?

I, uh, I picked Sheree up
one night for soliciting.

And you screwed her
instead of charging her?

Look, I was young and foolish, OK?

It was a big mistake.
She was . You were a cop.

Oh, Pascalle, this is Sheree we're
talking about — not a bloody saint.

Yeah, I know that.

She tried to blackmail me.

Look, the two of them, they're—
they're peas in a pod. And he's a—
He's a devoted brother, all right.

The kind who'd knock off your
husband if you asked him to.

What husband?

Sheree was married to a bloke
by the name of Garth Loader.

Yeah?

And he went fishing with Nicky,
but Nicky was the only one who
came back.

No way.

I was in on the
investigation, Pascalle.

So why isn't he in jail?

Cos we could never prove it.

The guy's sick, OK? I mean, you'd
have to be sick to f*ck your own
sister.

Nicky f*cked Sheree?

Oh, come on, Pascalle. You never
noticed how... You never noticed
how close Nicky and Sheree are?

They're brother and sister.

Oh, darling, they are
way closer than that.

I gotta go.

We could order in—

No, I really don't feel like dinner.

Wait, Pascalle.
No, if I ate now, I'd just hurl.

So you do think it's possible?

That Nicky boned Sheree?

Ugh. I don't want to think about it.

OK.

Do you think it's possible?

Almost certainly.
% definite, in fact.

God, it grosses me out.
It makes me sick.

Did you seriously not notice
that they had weird spatial issues?
How could you be so blind?

You don't have to be blind to not
see what's in front of you if it's
behind your back. How could they?

Well, I guess you'd know.

I don't.
You've done it with your brother.

Brandon Gibbs was
only my half-brother.

But you still slept with him.

Yeah, but I didn't mean to, and
I've never ever, ever tried to k*ll
anybody.

I guess not. Unless you count Milt.

I did not m*rder Milt, not like
Nicky and Sheree. Zane says they
actually m*rder*d her husband.

Yes, old news.

You knew?

Yeah, an accident to
collect insurance money.

And you stood just by and let me
go on living with a m*rder*r?

Hello — I did try to warn you.

Well, you should have tried harder.

You accused me of being a psycho.

You are a psycho for not telling me!

OK, fine, whatever.
What does it matter now?

You have a muscly cop and Nicky's
out of your life, so why do you
care?

I don't. I don't care.

OK, good.

Yeah, it is!

Falani got the Galleria?
That thieving coconut. Why him?

You weren't here.
I was driven off on false pretences.

Doesn't matter now. ]
It does to me.

Wolf sold it.

Eh? Who to?

Dunno. Don't care.

Oh, well, that's lovely (!)

What do you want me to do, Eric?

Well, I would have thought a little
bit of kindness wasn't asking too
much, Cheryl.

A meal, a bed for the night.

There's no room at the inn, Eric.

With the old man in hospital,
I could doss down in the caravan.

Him and Ngaire Munro, eh?

That's a bloody sh*t—

I'm all right. I'm not a cr*pple.

Back already?
Oh, Grandpa, you're OK.

I'm still on the way out.

Fool discharged himself.

Place was full of yarpies. Can't
trust them to diagnose anything.

Can we do anything?

I want a party.

Eh?

You'll give me a good send-off
later, but while waiting for those
boers I thought, 'Do it now.'

You want a funeral?

[ I want a shindig with sausage
rolls, cheerios — a proper spread.

I'll let everyone know
the contents of my will.

Ted, you're being dramatic.

I'm going away next week and I won't
be coming out. This is what I want.

Fine with me, old man.

Sausage rolls it is.

Best you get some rest,
then. Come on.

No time for rest.

But I could go a sponge bath.

I'll sponge you down good and
proper, don't you worry about that.

This is so sick.

I'll say.

If it keeps the old bastard happy.

So Ted's down for a
long stretch, is he?

What do you mean by that, Eric?

Well, there might be a
bit of room after all.

I never want to see this or you ever
again because you are a sick person.

What?
I'm sorry I ever met you.

Pascalle, what the f*ck is it?

Grandpa is planning his
funeral now. Happy?

Why would I be happy?

He's going to jail where he thinks
he'll die, and he's going because
of you,

so I guess that makes
you a double k*ller.

OK, now I'm really confused.

I know all about how you
m*rder*d Sheree's husband.

Oh, f*cking Gerard.

I suppose you're gonna deny that.

OK, I am in no way a m*rder*r.

I'm sure all murderers say that.

I didn't k*ll Garth.
So Sheree did?

No, she didn't.

Then how did he end up dead?

Was it for the insurance money?

Or were you just jealous cos
he was sleeping with Sheree?

For Christ's sake.

Are you gonna deny that too?

No, I'm not.

Oh my God, that is so revolting.

You have to hear me out.

Nothing you can say changes that.
Well, you want to know the truth.

I get that you're more f*cked
in the head than I thought!

OK, you remember that thing I told
you about how our mother took off
and left us with her boyfriend?

Yeah, the pisshead.
Yeah.

So this is all his fault?

OK, one day I came home — I was
nearly , Sheree was just ,

and I found him with her.

Well, doing what?

Stuff.

What stuff?!

Christ, Pascalle. He had his pants
down. He was holding her by the
hair. Do you want the details?

I fought him off and I got her out
of there, and we hid under the house
until he passed out.

When we went back, he was dead.

How?

He hit his head on the toilet,
choked on his vomit.

We both freaked.
We figured we'd get the blame.

So we— we took off.

We broke into a bach. We stayed
there and drank all the booze and
waited for them to come and get us.

We slept in the same bed.

I know it's wrong and, yeah,
f*cked up, but... (SIGHS) all
we had was each other.

So what happened?

After a few days, the cops found us.

I got sent to a boys' home. Sheree
got put into foster care, till she
ran away.

You still should not have pushed
Sheree's husband out of a boat.

Gerard doesn't know sh*t.

Sheree got the insurance money?
Yeah.

Yeah, so then what did happen?

It was a long time ago.
It was an accident.

Look, I'm not going to be able to
believe you if you can't tell me
the truth.

I can't. OK?

Well, then I don't believe anything.

What about downstairs?
It's cosy there.

Come near my room,
I'll rip your nuts off.

There's a bloody welcome (!)

You can piss off any time, Eric.

Listen to her — hard as nails.

We're full up, Eric.

God, I've missed your cooking,
Cheryl. (LAUGHS) I've missed
you all.

I've thought about you.

Especially you, Cher.

Yeah, that's great, Eric.

After dinner you can get going, eh.

So how have you all been?
Good.

Have you heard from Wolf lately?

Nup.

Kids are all well, are they?

Yep.

And Van's got his own business,
I hear. Takes after his Uncle
Eric... when I had a business —

before it was ripped from under me.

And Pascalle — always a
picture of loveliness.

And this one — having a sprog.

Wouldn't have thought anyone would
go near her. But kids — they're a
blessing, especially yours, Chezza.

What? Anyone would think
I just shat on my plate.

Um...

Eric, Wayne and I had a baby
a month ago — a little boy.

Bloody brilliant.
Where is the little tyke?

He d*ed.

I better get going.

I've got a job on.
See you all later.

OK.

Jesus, Cheryl. Talk about
opening my mouth to change feet.

No, no. It's OK, Eric.

Any chance of pudding?

Hello?

Hey, Van.
Is Angel here?

Vannie, I planted a daphne and birds
of paradise to remind you of me.

Nicky.

I need a favour.

(CHUCKLES) Now, you know
I don't do freebies.

Not that kind of favour.

Let's take this outside.

Do I get anything in Grandpa's will?

How would I know?

Uh, you're the executor.

Yeah, but I still don't know.

I bet you get it all and the people
who care about him get nothing.

There is nothing.
I thought you didn't know.

PHONE RINGS

Hello.
I really need to see you.
I just want to clarify something.

I've said all I wanted to say.

One more chance, OK?

After that I'll leave
you alone. I promise.

It's Pascalle.

Come in, please.

Hi.
Hi.

Who are you?
I'm Angel. I live with Van.

Yeah, she's my flatmate.

You wanted me to
meet Van's flatmate?

No, I wanted you to
meet Garth Loader.

Who?
Uh, he's dead.

No, he isn't. He's right here.

Is this some kind of weird joke?

No.

This is Garth.
Was.

Sheree's husband.

No, Sheree wouldn't
marry a drag queen.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You were married to Sheree?

Yes, darling.
Look, are we done here?

When were you married to Sheree?

It was a long time ago, Vannie,
and I promise you, we never did it.

I've never responded to p*ssy.

Sheree is sick and twisted in so
many ways, but she would never
have married her.

Tell her, OK?

(SIGHS) I used to be
a farmhand in Rotorua.

The short version.

This is my story. Do you
want me to tell her or not?

So, always being a bit of a night
owl, I started working at a bar
called the Lucky Seaman.

I met Sheree there. We both
had dreams and our dreams needed
money, so we got married.

Now—
For convenience, darling.

So... Garth drowned on a fishing
trip with Tricky Nicky and I jumped
on a boat in Tauranga

and worked my passage to Sydney,
and boy, did I work my passage.

But then came King's Cross, and
oh my God, the freedom to be Angel—

OK, I think we get the picture.

So Garth isn't dead?

He most certainly is, and we
will never speak of him again.

Angel's taking a big risk here.

Am I f*cking what.

And if I go down for this, I'm gonna
make sure we're sharing a cell.

OK, but nobody's dead, eh?

Insurance fraud.

[ We split the money three ways.

That's the truth.
You can do what you like with it.

She bloody better not.

It's OK. I won't say
anything about you.

You really suit that colour.

Thank you, doll.

Something for your grandpa.
You don't have to say who it's from.

Hey, God, that's so nice.

How's he doing?

OK.

What I told you about the Greegans,
uh, it upset you, didn't it?

Oh, nah.

As a cop, sometimes I forget.

After a while,
we don't shock so easy.

Oh, no, I thought
about it and it's OK.

Really? Personally, I don't find
m*rder or incest all that OK.

Well, people do all sorts of things
for all sorts of different reasons.

You know, maybe it's more
complicated than it seems.

In what way?

Oh, I don't know.

But, you know, it's not important,
so why talk about it?

Yeah, great. Works for me.

Well, I've got to go
to this thing now.

Maybe I'll see you later.

sh*t!
Whoa.

sh*t. What's he doing here?

He's boofing Pascalle. Stay still.

Jesus.

Nicky never told me this. (MUTTERS)

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's gone.

Oh, thank Christ.

I have a real aversion to cops —
especially that one.

He's a prick, eh?

Would he even recognise you?

That is so sweet of you to say.

But there is one thing about
Garth I couldn't change.

Your cock. Couldn't you—?
Can't you, you know, do—?

My fingerprints, Van. I couldn't
change my fingerprints. That's why
I don't drive.

Mm.
Garth had a wee, uh, record,
but let's not talk about him.

No. No, we better get inside, eh?

♪ My woman's electrical. ♪

LOW CHATTER, MUSIC PLAYS

I'll be in it for sure — after all
the time I've spent with that man.

I spent a lot more time with him,
and he still owes me for a
shameful loss at poker.

DOOR OPENS

About bloody time.
Oi. Shut it, you lot.

Righto, I think you all
know why you're here.

I'm going away.
I won't be coming out.

And I've seen enough funerals to
know that things go pear-shaped the
moment the coffin is in the ground.

Or in my case, when
the chimney coughs.

I've told Jethro it's my wish
to be cremated and my ashes to be
scattered over Avondale Racecourse.

Over the finishing line when the
winner takes the cup in November.

Oh, piece of piss.

Now, my most prized possession goes
to a very dear friend of mine...

by the name of Wayne Judd.

I know my vintage p*rn collection
will be in good hands.

Damn.

I also want a certain
debt to be settled.

grand plus interest to be
paid to my granddaughter Pascalle.

I tried to put things right on that
score, but best-laid plans and all
that.

The rest of my estate will be
divided into two even shares.

It would have been a different story
if things had been better with young
Tama Theodore,

but... there are some things
in this life you can't control,

not fair —

that's how it goes.

So the first share goes
to my lovely Ngaire.

I love her,... and
that's all there is to it.

The other share goes to a young lady
I have a special soft spot for.

Oh my God. Loretta.

My little great-granddaughter, Jane.

Jane?

She was born with a
twinkle in her eye,

and with what little I have,
may that twinkle shine on.

That's all I've got to say.

Thanks to Cheryl and Wayne for
the spread, and enjoy yourselves!

Well said, my love. Well said.

Grandpa, that was so amazing. Even
though you don't have grand,

the fact that you
were thinking of me.

I wasn't, really.
No, but you were.

I'm a man of me word. That's all.

Oh, and it's amazing.

I need a slash!

You should say hello
to your rich new niece.

I'll give Jane her bath now.

Yeah, congratulations, Jane.
It'll be two-fifths of f*ck all.

(LAUGHS)

Hey, um, we need to
talk about Hoochie.

No need.

Look, you wanna make
changes, I know.

No, I don't.

So you do what you like. I want out.
Really?

Yeah. I, um, I want
to try something new.
Like what?

No idea. I'll think of something,
but, you know, it's over to you.

Hey, who's—? Who's that
talking to Pascalle?

Uh... (LAUGHS) Uh, that's
Van's new flatmate.

If I hadn't have followed my heart,
I might as well have drowned.

Well, it was still
wrong and also bad.

All I know is Nicky must care about
a certain someone a whole lot to
risk all of this.

♪ They're trying to shock
us to change our views. ♪

Why can't you tell me upstairs?

Can't have any prying eyes.

For what?

Don't open it until me time's up.

What is it?

My private El Dorado.

Gold?

Not exactly.

So what is it?

You'll find out, but not
until I cark it, understood?

Grandpa, you have to cut
this crap about dying, OK?

Understood?

Sure.

It won't be long now, anyhow.

(SIGHS)

Are you OK?

Yeah. Yeah, why wouldn't I be?

Well, you know, the whole wake thing
and then Grandpa talking about Tama.

I'm fine.

Not a bad speech by the old bastard.

Yeah.

Cos even though he doesn't seem to
care about the people he should care
about, he actually does.

You know, maybe some guys who seem
good, well, maybe they're not,
really.

You know, and some bad guys, maybe
they're good underneath, like Dad.

What about him?
Did you know that he was good, even
though he looked bad, in a good way?

It didn't pan out so
well, though, did it?

But then there's Wayne, and he looks
good and he is good, and that's also
good.

Sometimes you have to look at what
people do and see that's what's
good.

No matter what people say, you have
to trust your instincts, don't you?

Yeah, possibly.

(SIGHS) Oh my gosh, thank you.
Oh,... (SNORTS) I so love our
mother-daughter chats.

You're welcome.

Pascalle.

I'm sorry I doubted you, OK?

Uh,... do you want to come in?

Deep down, I know you're a good
person and not a k*ller and all
that.

I know that you really do
want to make things right.

That's all I've ever wanted.

OK.

I am sorry. I'm glad you get that.

I know.

And I've been blaming you for so
many things, like Grandpa going
to jail,

but actually, he did that job
for me to get my money back.

Yep, partly.

So it's not all your fault.

Even if Grandpa might die in jail.

He's a tough old guy.

I wish I could believe that.

If only we could
turn the clock back.

You're telling me.

But we can't, and
that's just how it is.

You don't have to go.
No, I do. You've made
things really clear,

but if Grandpa dies because of you
and also because of me, then that
is huge. It's the hugest.

So I need to commit to him and his
memory, not to anyone else, ever.

OK? So I'm really sorry, and
have a good life and all of that,
but I've got to go. Bye.

Didn't think you
guys'd finish up yet.

Well, they're still going.
I just wanted to come and
tell you something.

Yeah?

We need to take a break.

What, like a holiday?

No. Look, you're a really lovely guy
and all that stuff, it's just it's
me, OK?

It's life and I'm just really really
stressed out about Grandpa going to
jail.

If I could change that, I would.

I know. Everything's whirring around
in my head now, and I just don't
think I can focus on a relationship.

Is this something
to do with Greegan?

No.

No, I just really totally
need to focus on Grandpa.

So this is just a temporary thing?

Mm.

Yeah.

OK.

Come on, then. Let's have it.
Unhappy with the split, aren't you?

No, Ted. It's this talk about dying.

I can't bloody stand it.

I don't care about the stupid money.

You expect me to believe that?

I care about you, you old fool.

I can't do anything about my fate.

I just want to enjoy what time I've
got left with you, my hot lovely.

My spicy tamale.

What would you like, my love?

The works? (GASPS) Or the special?

The special. Why not?

OK.

God, I knew about Mr Joyce, Maurice
Lovedale and Warwick Kingi, but not
Gladys Kruger and seven others.

Who are they?
His bogus pensions.

God, the old bastard.

Yeah, he is.

The prick!
What?

He has TAB accounts.

I thought he only had one.

(CHUCKLES)

It's not funny, Hayden. All these
years he's played poor, scrounging
off me, when actually he is worth...

How much?
I don't know. Not yet.

You devious old bastard.

I told you to wait until I was dead.

How did you manage to keep
this secret all this time?

I have my ways. Ill-gotten money
attracts no attention if it's
left alone.

And I told you to keep
your mitts off until I d*ed.

Oh, Grandpa. You're not going to
die, and you're worth a f*cking
fortune.

At the hospital, the yarpie reckoned
I had a heart thingie. He reckoned
I need tests.

Bullshit.
No point in taking them.
I'm gone anyway.

Is this for real?

I should have bloody known you'd
open it. You're so like her.

You really could cark it?

Jane's well settled,
so what's the problem?

Assholes Anonymous is next door.

I need you to do something.

Pretty sure I don't want to do
anything for you any time, anywhere.

What if it was mutually beneficial?

Look at that. Leftie Munro with a
tasty bit of skirt we met on a job
in the Manawatu.

Oh, they don't make skirt like that
in Palmy any more, I can tell you.

Better not let Ngaire see that one.

No, Grandpa. You can't destroy
your precious memories.

Don't do anything.

I want my house in order.

You're not going to
jail. Not any more.

Bugger off. I'm ready
to face what's coming.

Well, get unready.

The cops offered to lessen the
charges on compassionate grounds,
given your age.

Don't you try and soft-soap me.

I'm just saying, they'll
go for a plea bargain.

Why?

Cos they can and they have.

So your dream — load of sh*t.

I'm not going to die in jail?

Doesn't look like it.

God, that's so amazing, Grandpa.

Sure is.

Oh, sh*t!

Give it back.

OK, maybe you are dying, but do you
have any idea how much you're worth?

Hand it over.

N-No. I'm the executor for Jane.

I'm not going to jail.
Since when?

Since now.

What about your heart condition?

They've got pills for that,
operations. I will have the tests.

Hand it over.

You say a word about this and
I will give you a new definition
for misery.

So do you think he will
get home detention?

Yeah, it looks likely, yeah.

Thank you, Jethro.

Well, don't thank me.

If Ted is here, then I'll be
here for him all the way.

What do you mean?

His home is my home.

But can't his home be your home?

Whatever I might think, Ted is very
attached to all of you and little
Jane.

Can I have a word?

Mm-hm.

I so believe in miracles.
Thank you so much.

Yeah, look, I was helpful, as
always, but, uh, it wasn't a
miracle.

Nicky handed himself in.

Do we have a deal?

Suddenly you're the good guy here?

My client has seen
the error of his ways.

Cut the sh*t.

I don't want to see the old man
go down when he shouldn't have to.

Do we have a deal?

He gave himself up for
Grandpa? That is amazing.

No, I don't think he
did it for Grandpa.

Really?

Yeah.

GATE BEEPS

Hi.

Hey, Pascalle.

I can't believe you did this.

Whatever it takes. I told you.

This is huge.

And you wanted it, and it's
all I had left to show you.

Oh my God.

Look, I don't care about the time.
I just want you to know how much you
mean to me, how much I love you.

I get that. I so get that.

(SIGHS) That's all
that matters to me.

I so love you too.

f*ck. Really?

I love you, Nicky Greegan.
I always have and I always will.

(SOBS, LAUGHS)

(SIGHS)

I won't be out —

not for a long time.

I'll wait for you.
As long as it takes.

However long.

HELLO SAILOR'S
'GUTTER BLACK' PLAYS

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'