06x05 - The Power to Seduce

[bunniefuu]

You'd be registered with the IRD
as self-employed massage therapists.

And I'd be like your agent,
doing admin, bookings, promotion.

They're not your girls
any more. They're mine.

You sneaky bitch.

We need to keep our
businesses totally separate.

Agreed.
(SIGHS)

I'd hate to see a cute guy
like you end up in jail.

I really wanna get you off, Van.

Look, I just wanted
to say, uh, you did OK.

Thanks.

MUNTER: You're crushing
on your lawyer.

I'm not crushing on my lawyer.
It's professional.

(LAUGHS) Yes, you are.

Two dates, man. Three,
if you count the first.

Sweet. How's it going?

Oh, it's pretty awesome.

She likes stock cars.

Choice. And then?

And what?
After the stock cars.

Goodnight, Van.
Stock cars were choice.

Yeah, they were, eh?

Thanks.

Night.

Night.

And after that?
Well...

She likes go-kart racing too.

Thanks, Van. I had a great time.

Yeah.

Um, sorry about running
you off the track.

Happens when you're go-kart racing.

Yeah.

Yeah, it does, eh?

Goodnight, Van.

Anyway, how's things
with you and Kasey?

Yeah, you know.

Mm. Still not getting any, eh?
Mm-mm.

Yeah. Maybe... Maybe it's cos she's
worried that the mighty Munt will
knock your baby unconscious

before it's even born.

Bro, how would I know the reason
when she's never there to tell me
the reason?

You know, it takes
two to have sex, man.

Power of one in my world, brother.

(CLEARS THROAT) So two whole
dates and still nothing?

Three if you count the first.

Not even the stink finger?

Not even a tit grab.

Unheard of.

It's cos she's out
of my league, bro.

Three whole dates, bro.
She's gotta be into you.

Not even the stink finger, man.
Explain that.

Well... Bro, she's one of those
go-slow chicks that you don't
normally date,

so... so you've gotta
open yourself up to her.

You know, show her the real you,
bro. Tell her how you feel about
her.

Ah, yeah. And then— And then
she'll... open herself up for me.

And if that don't work, bro...

What's that little thing?

Mahitian magic, my friend.
No way.

Straight from the Mahia Peninsula,
via the Raj and me, to you.

Because one of us
needs to be having sex.

Guaranteed to make any chick hornier
than Corinna Balani on benny day.

You wanna smoke some now?

Not me, bro. Her.

Oh yeah. Right.

HELLO SAILOR'S 'GUTTER BLACK'

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

♪ My luck in the gutter black.

♪ I guess I'm running back...

♪ ...to you.

♪ You in my brain.
You in my heart. ♪

Morning, angels.
Oh, I get wet when you call us that.

Whatever spins your wheels,
Rochelle. Flat white...

Bless.
...and a decaf latte.

(SIGHS) f*ck, I f*cking
miss caffeine.

Clearly. Ready to work, ladies?

What have you got?

Kelly's Fine Autos.

Oh, down on Frizzell Cres?

I always knew they were dodgy.

Actually, they're the client.

They have some clients with leases
on luxury vehicles that have missed
payments. Bring it on.

Booty Call goes in, we get the
outstanding payments or we take
the car back.

(GASPS) Oh my God, they've
got Ferraris there.

I would come all over the seat
if I got to drive a Ferrari.

Well, uh, it's a good thing
that it's not a Ferrari.

We've got one car to either get back
or get the money. It's a test job.

What, they doubt us?

We do this one, in hours
we get the gig for the rest.

hours — like that Eddie Murphy
movie where he didn't suck so much.

Yeah. The guy is saying that the car
has been stolen and it's a problem
with the insurance company.

Yeah, yeah, right.
Exactly.

But listen — we get this right and
plenty more business will come our
way.

You understand?

Good as done.
Good.

Go get 'em, girls.

I have to go to work now.

I'll alert the media (!)

I'm covering for Wayne.

You told us that already.

You know, just while he visits Mum.

Mm, I guess he can fix all your
screw-ups when he gets back.

OK, say goodbye to Mummy, who has
important things to do all day.

If anyone gives you grief at Totally
Tots, you rip their hair out.

Not ideal parenting. You ready?

Ready when you are, sunshine.

Where are you going,
out of interest?

Legally sanctioned community
work. You know that.

I know your bullshit excuse —

sorting books for the blind. As if.

I was talking about him.

He's dropping us off.

Then I drop Jane off at daycare.

Which you've done for some days now.

Since Ted and Ngaire
started sorting books.

I thought you'd be happy Ted's
parole officer has allowed him
to work.

You don't exactly hurry back
here after all these drop-offs.

I've got stuff going on. ]

What stuff?

I thought we had a 'my business,
your business' cone of silence
thing here?

SLINKY MUSIC

So, what's this guy's name?

Quentin Bates.

Quentin? How gay's that?

BUZZER BUZZES

Ooh, look.

Hey, does my baby bump look real?
It is real.

No, I just swear the bigger
I get, the more fake it looks.

How do my tits look?
Awesome.

MAN: Who the f*ck are you?

Hi, is that Quentin?

Who wants to know?

I'm Kasey. Um, my friend's Rochelle.

We're from Booty Call.

What's that?

It'd be so much easier to
explain if we came inside.

Why?

It just would be.

It's OK. We're nice.

Really really nice.

GATE WHIRRS

OK, girl. Weapons at the ready.

Any sign of the car?
Nah.

DOORBELL RINGS

Hi. Are you Quentin?

Hi. Are you pregnant or just fat?

Pregnant.

Oh.

Guess it takes all types.

Nice nugs.
Oh, so sweet.

Do you like nature?

Cos I do.

I think it's important that people
who enjoy going out together enjoy
the same things.

Like doing out together.

And nature.

C-Cos, like...

If one day nature ran out,

like, um, oh...

Y-Y-You know, like,
if one day, like, um,...

you woke up and it
wasn't there any more,

well, that would be the worst thing
in the world, don't you think?

(CHUCKLES) Cos that is— that's
why I like coming to the park —

in case one day it's gone.

That's kinda deep, Van.

CHUCKLES: Yeah. Well,
I'm a... I'm a submarine.

I'm just... I'm deep.

(LAUGHS) And you love nature.

Oh yeah, the trees and the,
um, grass and playground —

it's... it's all good stuff.

Do you wanna get stoned?

Do you think that's
a wise idea, Van?

Well, it's Mahitian magic, see—

Yeah, that's awesome, but
it's also lunchtime in public,

and I'm a lawyer, and one who has
to go back to the office after.

Oh right. Of course.
CELLPHONE RINGS

Bailey here.

Whoa, whoa, slow down, Quentin.
I can't understand you.

Sorry, who did what to you?

Sorry, Van. Client. I'm gonna
have to deal with this.

Oh no, that's cool.

I'll just wait over here.

No, I mean I'm gonna have to
go and deal with this. Sorry.

Oh, sweet as.

It's all good.

[ See ya.

Fu...

KNOCK AT DOOR

Hi.

What are you doing here, Angel?

I have a bone to pick with you.

No, you have a client in Ranui,
presumably with a boner.

Hi.
Not any more.

You brought him here, instead?
Eh?

Not Eric. He's one of my Friday
specials. It's not Friday.

Angel, remember how we talked about
how little I need to know about what
you actually do?

Well, no Ranui rim-job today,
because... (ASIAN ACCENT) me
no have no driver.

Well, what happened to the
driver I got you last week?

He didn't work out.

What did you do to him, Angel?

Asian guys get weird when you touch
their cocks while they're driving.

You know what? I'm done.

From now on, find your own driver.

I have.

I'm not paying Eric to drive you.
Why not?

Have you got a driver's licence?

What's that got to do with it?

I need a driver, so pay him.

You pay him in Friday specials.

I cannot live on sex alone.
I need money too.

Well, you're not getting any
from me — money, that is. Or sex.

(GRUMBLES) Hard and cruel, you are.

Not that it comes as any surprise
when it's you, cos you've always
been hard and cruel.

But clearly your evil is spreading
to those who used to see me right.

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

Ted, of course —
he stiffed me on that computer deal.

Is any of this helping
me get a new driver?

What computer deal?

Them cables. All right, so most
of them weren't compatible with the
computer, but they were still cheap.

Grandpa doesn't know
anything about computers.

No, but your husband does.

INTRIGUING MUSIC

NGAIRE LAUGHS ]

There's nothing at all suspicious
about this little gathering (!)

Oh, she did track us down.
Mm.

Are you doing phone
charity scams again?

Do you see a room full of
people making cold-calls?

So what are you up to?

You and I are on a
'need to know' basis.

Who are Mud in Your Eye
Promotions Ltd?

That'll be us, girlie.

Not that it's any of your business.

Tell her. Put her out of her misery.

Cold-calling for charity is dead.
Texting is the way of the future.

Which explains why you've
teamed up with the past (!)

We're content providers, my dear.

And ground-floor investors.

Mm. ]

Ted is a demon the racing tips — ]

updated hourly, directly to your
mobile. Ngaire's horoscopes —
so on the money.

As long as you don't ask how much
each text message is costing you.

Ah, and there is the
reason why I love you.

And then there are the other texts —
the ones you didn't ask for, but
you're paying for anyway.

You low-life scum.
It's buyer beware, Loretta.

I'm not talking to you.

You invested in this
without telling me?
It's none of your business.

You took your secret stash and gave
it to Hayden Poofter Peters...

Love you too, honey.
...without coming to me for
investment advice first?

This boy here came to me with
a sound proposition at a point
when you had scorned him,

like the scornful woman you are.

She thinks I'm useless, Ted.

Then prove the little slut wrong.

I would. I will.

I've got this idea. It's a dead-set
winner. But it's just the set-up
costs — I can't run to it.

So what is this idea?

What does it matter now?

WHACK!

Would you stop f*cking slapping me?

Then he did tell me.

And it was genius.

So clever.

And here we are today.

Mm. ]

LAUGHTER

Hey, we agreed to keep our
business lives separate.

Fine by me.
Good. Fine.

And good luck with the new
playmates. You'll need it.

(LAUGHS)

KNOCK AT DOOR

Yeah, come in.

Bailey.
Booty Call?

As in you're here on one?

This is the registered office of
the skanks known as Booty Call.

Mm. That's cos it's my company. And
they're not as skanky as you might
think. How can we help?

By not deceiving my
client, for starters.

And which client's this?
Quentin Bates.

Ah, the Aston Martin.
Yes.

Of course you'd be his lawyer. And
how exactly did we deceive Mr Bates?

When you lied your way into his
house trying to repossess a car
he doesn't have.

That's not the
information we've got.

It's an insurance matter.

Yeah, but the insurance company
think that your client is a lying
pus-bag.

He doesn't have the car, Jethro.

Really?

He's got a lot on his plate right
now, so he doesn't need this sh*t.

Oh, is that right?

He's awaiting sentencing on certain
dr*gs charges. The car is gone.
Please just leave him alone.

Why, cos he's a saint (?)

Because a g*ng took the car.

You've heard of the concept
of taxing, Jethro?

Yes.

I've also heard of the
concept of lying, Bailey.

Oh, don't be a w*nk*r all your life.

To think we all had you pegged
as a loser at law school.

What do you mean, 'we'?

You had no friends at law school,
Mr Look Who's Drinking Alone Again.

Not alone now, am I?

Well, you and your Booty Call
slappers can just back off my
client, OK?

What happened?
We didn't get the
car is what happened.

Apparently he hasn't got it.

Oh no, he's still got it.
I've got a sense about these things.

So what went wrong?

Ask her.

It's just— It's one of those
dr*gs I can't say no to.

So why are you girls interested
in the Aston Martin?

Let's just say we've got
a thing for Aston Martins.

What, both of you?

Well, I'd love to
go for a ride in one.

If I still had it, sure.

Now, would you girls like some blow?
Ooh.

No, thank you.
Yeah, why not?

Because I'm pregnant,
and we're here on business.

So? We can party while
we do the business.

I suppose one line would be OK.

That's my girl.

I was just trying to loosen him up.

Oh, you did that, all right.

Ooooooh yeah!

Mmm. Mm-mm-mm.

Hold still, baby.

Hold nice and still. Mmm.

(LAUGHS)
(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

You totally lost your
professional demeanour.

You're just jealous because
you couldn't join in.

ROCK MUSIC

No professionalism whatsoever.

I'm disappointed. I'm not surprised,
but I'm disappointed. But how did I
end up with his lawyer in my offie?

(SCOFFS) That would be because
of the misunderstanding.

What misunderstanding?

All right, who wants to start?

Start what?

Sucking me off. I don't normally do
preggy chicks, but you've got really
nice lips.

Why would we wanna suck you off?

Isn't that what whores do?

Just because we're two attractive
women who work for a company called
Booty Call,

he thought we were hookers.

Oh no, maybe it's because one
of us was behaving like a ho.

(SIGHS) He wasn't so happy
when he realised his mistake.

ROCK MUSIC

I'm gonna f*cking sue you.
I'm gonna track down your boss—

Hey, I'm gonna track down your
f*cking boss, and I'm gonna sue
him too!

I'm gonna kick his arse, and
I'm gonna k*ll him. You hear
me? You hear what I'm saying?

I'm gonna k*ll the bugger!

OK.

I need to chuck.
(SIGHS, SCOFFS)

Get away.

No money or car —
our % record gone.

Yeah, I wouldn't give
up hope just yet.

So how is it a scam again?

Pascalle, it's a scam.

But people love doing those quizzes,
and Grandpa is really really good at
all that horse-racing betting stff,

so if he's helping people win
money, then it's a good thing.

You cannot think that this is right.

I don't see how it's wrong.

(SCOFFS) You're exactly the sort
of sucker they're going after.

Aren't you just pissed off because
you didn't think of it first?

No.

Hi.
What are you doing here?

I know you said I should
call, but I couldn't.

Get back to work. I'll call later.

My phone isn't working.
That's why I'm here. ]

Well, fix it and
then call me. Goodbye.

You know my dentist in Avondale
who likes water sports?

Well, I needed to have my phone
close by cos Mum's not very well.
Anyway, it got peed on.

While you were at your dentist?

While I was with the dentist. You
don't want to use it after that, eh?

Hello, ladies.

And new lady.

[ Hi.

Bit of a Tool Guy problem—
f*ck off, Aaron.

Bugger off, Aaron. Your problems are
nothing compared to this girl's.
I'm Pascalle.

No time for introductions.
I'm Chastity.

Oh, wow. That's an interesting name.

[ It's my real name.

Chastity's dentist
just peed on her phone.

OK. (CHUCKLES) That beats 'I need
a new blade for the skillsaw, can
I have some petty cash?'

Well, he's not my dentist.
He's a client.

I need to talk to Chastity alone,
so everyone else, depart.

So are you working for Loretta?

She manages me.

But you're not a Tool Guy.
What's a Tool Guy?

I am. / , at your service.

You didn't tell me
you ran boys as well.

Well, we're not boys. We're guys.

No, she means rent boys, Aaron.

Like, gay? No way am I gay.

Loretta, how long have
you run prostitutes?
You're a lady of the night?

Well, I do days as well, so if
you're looking for some fun...

Loretta, answer the question.

OK, can the whole world just
f*ck off now and leave me alone.

So you are doing it?

Does this make you a pimp?

Ooooh, get down and
nasty, girl. (CHUCKLES)

'Oh, what if one day nature ran out?
What if that happened?' What kind of
a d*ck says that, man?

Bro, it's an awesome thought, man.
We should talk about that one day.

But it's not the thought
I wanted to say to her.

I wanted to tell her that I dig her
cos she talks to me like I'm a real
human.

You are a real human.

Everyone but you treats me like
I'm not. Even though she's a lawyer,
she talks to me like I'm her mate,

and I can talk to her like she's
my mate. I dig talking to her,
and I really wanna bone her.

You should tell her that, bro — the
talking bit, not the boning bit.

Yeah, I tried, and I froze.

Call her. Now.

Bro, here, on the phone. Man, tell
her that stuff, bro, while it's just
us.

No distractions.
Exactly.

Yeah.
PHONE BEEPS

When I look at her tits, and I go,
'Oh, I wanna bury my face in them.'

Bro, you're distracting yourself.

Dial.

RINGING TONE
It's ringing.

PHONE RINGS

They're coming for me.
I know they are.

For God's sake, Quentin, man up.

Bailey.

Hi, Bailey. It's Van.

Sorry I had to run away before.

Oh no, that's cool. I've had enough
lawyers to know what that's like.
I hope it's all cool, though.

Dealing with it.

Good, good. It's just, um...

It's just I had a bunch of stuff
that I wanted to say to you before
you had to go.

OK.

Like...

Do you wanna go out again?

Sure. When?

Tonight?
Sure. Where?

Where?
Hungry Heifer.

My place.
OK, what time?

Time?

.

I'll see you then.

OK. Bye.

Why didn't you say the Heifer?

Nah, the Hungry Heifer's lame.

Bro, the double-H has
surf 'n' turf, man —

guaranteed aphrodisiac leg-opener,
my brother. Works with Kasey every
time.

But most things work
with Kasey every time.

Yeah, but not at the moment,
but the surf 'n' turf is A-grade.

Oh.

Oh, I'd be surfing her turf.

Yes. But instead she's coming here,
bro. And, bro, you can't cook.

I do toast. Sometimes noodles.

You can't give her instant noodles.

(SIGHS) I'll figure a way round
this, all right. Just...

You did well — very well.

Oh, look, it's Daddy and the
wrinklies, home after a hard
day at the text mines.

Hi, honey.

No, don't be nice to her.
She doesn't deserve it.

OK. What have you
done to your sister?

It's what she's done to the
good name of this family.

We don't have a good name.
We have degrees of shame.

Well, today you passed all
of those degrees, and you got
yourself another degree.

And I bet it is all your fault.

You're blaming me for
something Loretta did?

Well, it is your family business.
What is?

Loretta is running a brothel
out of our basement.

It is not a brothel.
It is an escort agency.

BOTH LAUGH

She wouldn't know a good shag
if it nested between her tits.

Grandpa, you cannot
speak about me like that.

It's true, isn't it?

You really will do
anything for money.

Don't you start with that sh*t. It's
a more legitimate business than the
one you've got going.

There is legitimate, and then
there is plain wrong, Loretta.

And I don't need a moral lecture
from Shadbolt High's slut of the
year four years running.

(SIGHS)
I'm gonna give Jane her bath.

(LAUGHS)

ALL LAUGH

Did we ever screw?

Cos I remember that there was a
couple of parties at law school
that were, uh, off the hook.

Oh, you'd remember if we had,
seeing I'd have been your first.

(CHUCKLES) That's unfair.

And not true.

I can cause you a lot
of strife, Bailey.

Your mother is my client. I'm used
to strife from your family.

No, Quentin Bates — he's the client
I'm talking about. You know, the
drug dealer.

Not so good for him to get arrested
again for having mass quantities of
coke in his house.

I can assure you if the police were
to search his house right now, they
wouldn't find anything.

Well, there's threatening to k*ll,
as*ault, indecent exposure.

Surely, you should be taking this
raft of complaints to the cops.

I could.

My girls are very upset.

Oh, even the one who
was coked off her nut?

So there were dr*gs at the house?

Weren't they hers?

That's dirty play, Bailey.

That's how I respond to threats.

But when all I want is the
car or the money for the car—

Neither of which my client has.

Uh-huh. And the cocaine fairy just
left a big bag of coke under his
pillow (!)

Have you got anything to drink
while we thr*aten each other?

I have a bottle of vodka.

Funny that.

SIRENS WAIL ON TV ]

PHONE RINGS

So did they do as you asked?

Uh, yep, two Hungry Heifer
surf 'n' turfs are in the oven.

I don't see why you couldn't
have made it three.

It's dinner for two, Eric.
Well, I live her.

Yeah, but that would make it
three, and that wouldn't work.

Bro, has the eagle landed?

Oh, she hasn't landed
here, man. She's late.

Oh, that's just the
professional-woman thing.

Huh? How does that work?

She'll be stuck at work, bro.
Should I call her?

That'll only hinder the
mood when she gets there.

She'll feel all guilty
and pressured.

And that's not the mood I'm after?

Bro, you've gotta be there for her
at the end of her busy working day,

cos... cos working women like
it when you're there for them.
Eh.

And when she arrives, say, 'I
understand you've had a busy day.

'You can relax now, and I'll
do the thinking for both of us.

'And then later I'll
be surfing your turf.'

Kia kaha, bro.

OK, later.
See ya, bro.

f*ck off.
I sleep here.

Sleep somewhere else if
you're gonna give me grief.

What?

Didn't say anything.
We agreed.

I know.
Complete separation,

even when you are taking
advantage of my grandfather.

(SCOFFS) That's not possible.

He is an old man.

Yeah, blessed with the eternal
life of the truly evil.

(SIGHS)

You're just pissed off
you're not getting a cut.

I don't care what you guys do.

And you're not getting
a cut from me, either.

Now that you're a madam?

Do you have a problem with that?

Do you have the foggiest idea about
half the stuff your hos get up to?

Don't call them hos. They are
women, and they deserve respect.

Except for Angel, who's somewhere
in the middle. It's a service,
just like any other.

Oh, come on. They're not Tool Guys.

They f*ck for money.
You OK with that?

Of course I am.
But are you?

CHUCKLES: Oh, you have no idea.

Not such a prude now, am I?

(CHUCKLES) Yes, you are.
That's what makes it funny.

(SIGHS) But, you know, if you want,
I can show you a thing or two I
learnt growing up with prostitutes.

Oh, wow, what an offer (!)

I lost my virginity to a hooker.

Dad shouted me when I turned .

(SCOFFS) Special family moments.

I'm just saying I have
a bit of experience.

I can show you a thing
or two if you want.

Get on with it, then.

SEXY BLUES MUSIC

DOOR OPENS

Hey.
How's Mum?

Well, she's been better.

Well, if she'd been
here, she'd be worse.
I doubt that.

Uh, she would, finding out what her
youngest daughter is up to under the
roof she used to call hers.

Is this about the escort agency?

You know about that?

Yeah, it's hard not to.

Loretta, someone here for you.

So if you ever need any company
while your chick's down in
Christchurch...

Bloody hell, Chastity,
call before you come over.

And you didn't do anything about it?

Well, what am I meant to do?

Dur, stop her!

Why? It's not illegal.

But it's not right.

Jeez, I'm more worried about Ted and
Hayden than I am about Loretta.

You know about that too?

Yeah, it's hard not to.

BATUCADA SOUND MACHINE'S
'HECHICERA PART '

♪ Ooooh,

♪ and she said... ♪

Almost forgot the
tools of the trade.

What trade would that be, Ted?

Gone back to your
knob-gobbling pigsty ways?

Let me put it to you this way: if
there are any laws being broken,
you will be out on your ear.

Taking money off suckers might be
wrong to me and selling sex might
be wrong in your book,

but none of it is illegal, and
illegal is where I draw the line.

I'm off to bed.

Why am I the only one who cares?

My parents assumed that when
I did law, I'd end up being you —
you know, making them proud,

defending the losers and
f*ck-knuckles that are my
family and friends.

My father, he's this
old-school criminal,

and I just looked at him and
thought, 'I can do better than
you, you prick.' (CHUCKLES)

So the taxpayers wasted all that
money to teach you how to be a
better criminal than your dad.

Well, to find ways around the law
rather than tackling it head-on,
yeah.

You're a bad man, Jethro.

I have a dark side.

Does is get darker
the more you drink?

Definitely.

Mine too.

Well, it could be dangerous
for us to be drinking together.

Yeah, it could go wrong
in about a hundred ways.

Could, couldn't it?

FLIP GRATER'S
'THIS ROAD LEADS HOME'

♪ This name I own...

She's not coming.
Shut up, Eric.

I'm just saying the food
will go to waste, that's all.

Shut up.

♪ Till my dying day.

Baby, I'm sorry I fell asleep on
you and made your arm go all numb.

I'm so sorry you had a
bad day being a repo chick.

♪ Far from the world we made. ♪

Does this help get the feeling back?

That might work.

Mmm.
[ DOOR OPENS

[ It's only me.

Oh, hey, Van.

Hey, Kase.

How was the hot date?

Uh, not so hot, eh, cos it was just
me and Eric there. I'll be f*cked if
I'm paying good money to feed him.

Want some surf 'n' turf?
Oh, no, no. I can't eat surf.

Did you call her?

I know you said not to.

But there comes a time when
the 'where the f*ck are you'
call must be made.

Yeah, well, I did.
And?

I dunno. Sh-She...
She must be busy or something.

PHONE RINGS

BAILEY, JETHRO PANT

Oh, baby, any woman who stands
you up isn't worth having.
Hey, I'm gonna go to bed.

Night, Van.

Night, Kase.

Try not to dream of
missing cars, eh, babe.

Bro, no!

No, no, no, no. The Mahitian magic
is for when you and your lady seal
the deal.

Bro, the only one I'm sealing
the deal with is me. I need
to get stoned.

Yeah, but, no, no, no.

Well, put it away, bro. Put it away.
Some Te Puke thunder here, here. Put
it. Put it.

Mm, that's correct.

I am so, so disappointed
in all of you, even Wayne.

So, as a way of making you see how
disappointed I am in all of you,

I am withdrawing my
domestic services.

What does that mean?

That means I won't be doing any
cooking or cleaning around this
house.

Well, what did Wayne do wrong?

Withholding evidence.
(SCOFFS)

And you — especially you —
are sick and twisted,

and I cannot stand by and let
this stuff go on under my roof.

It's not your roof. And you are not
Mum. Remember we established that?

Well, if Mum was here, then no way
would you be running hookers out
of our basement.

True. I do it somewhere else.

No, you wouldn't,
cos Mum would stop you.

Pascalle, if you're missing Mum,
then taking it out on me is not
a good way to deal with it.

Go and get drunk or something.
This isn't about me missing Mum.

You guys have gotten worse since
she left. Take you and Hayden —

all the lies, the lying to each
other and the not telling each
other the truth.

You said the same thing three ways.

Can you just take this seriously?
You are in a f*cked-up relationship.

It's not f*cked up.
[ Uh, yes, it is.

You couldn't tell each other the
truth if your lives depended on it.

Right.

OK. Well, if that's your definition
of 'f*cked up', then you and Nicky
are the king and queen of f*cked up.

Uh, I always tell Nicky the truth.

Pity it doesn't go both ways.

Where the hell do you think
I got my hookers from?

Your sister is quite the bitch.

Yeah, we know that, but
is what she said true?

Yeah. It is.

Why do you have a problem with that?

You didn't f*cking tell me about it.

It's no big deal.

In fact, I think at least one of
the girls went to school with you.

I don't care about that.

What I care about is people lying to
each other, especially you lying to
me.

Yes, I ran those b*tches until
they shafted me and went over
to your sister.

I didn't tell you, because there
is stuff I do I do not want you
involved in, and that is the truth.

If that means I don't meet the
standards you set, as much as I hate
the thought, you'd better move on.

Because I'm gonna be in here
for a f*cking long time.

Hello.

Hello. ]

Last time I saw you,
you were naked in my bed.

Last time I saw you, you
were snoring when I left.

Well, that explains
why I woke up alone.

You have to come with me now.

(CHUCKLES)

Is that right? Where?

You'll see.

It's a special place.

It's dead-set wrong is what it is,
bro, the way she leads you on for
two whole dates.

Three, if you count the first.
Four, if you count last night.

You don't count last night, man.
That's what I'm saying.

You've gotta tell her how you
feel about last night, bro.

You need to call her
and tell her right now.

But I don't know what I'd say.

Don't give me no p*ssy excuses, Van.

You need to tell that woman exactly
what's going on in your head.

OK. OK.

PHONE BEEPS

What if I don't know what's going
on in my head. So much is going on—

Bro, j-just open your mouth, man.

The words will follow.

Come on.

Come on!

PHONE BEEPS

(CLEARS THROAT)

PHONE RINGS

RINGING STOPS

Hi, Bailey Wilson here. Leave me
a message or send a text. I'll
get back to you within the day.

It's her message.
Well, then, leave your message.

Man up. Come on, man. Come on.

Hi, Bailey. It's Van.

SOTTO VOCE: Come on.

Yeah— Yeah, you know, Van, remember?
The guy you stood up last night.

That's right.
The surf 'n' turf was
excellent, by the way.

I got it in especially for you,
but you weren't here to eat it,
which I think sucks.

Sucks!
Yeah.

Especially when you don't even a
guy to tell him you're not gonna
be there.

I might not be a big, flash lawyer
or anything, but I'm still a human
being.

I really dig you, and I thought you
were into me too, but you know what?

If I got that wrong,
that's your loss.

You heard me, your loss. Cos I'm a
f*cking good guy, and you are the
one that's missing out, so there.

And by the way, you owe me
bucks for the surf 'n' turf
and an apology, thank you.

(CHUCKLES)

bucks — gone up.
Delivery fee.

Yeah, yeah, right.

GRAND PRIX'S 'THE DEVIL'

Your client said this was stolen.

Yeah, a car like this was stolen.
This has different plates,
everything.

So everything in here is his?

The story goes like this: despite
my best efforts, my client is going
inside for a fair old while,

mainly because he's a f*cking idiot.
When he comes out, he's gonna need
cash to reboot his lifestyle.

Unfortunately, the precious few
objects he has — certain government
types wanna get their hands on them.

Being the proceeds of crime?

I need someone who can turn all this
into cash, which I can then filter
to my client on his release.

[ There would be a generous cut
for this someone, of course.

Because your client is a desperate
man who will take anything he can
get.

Very desperate.

I have a dark side too, Jethro.

Yeah, you do.

♪ The devil thinks...

In here is business.

♪ ...he is an angel. ♪

Are you in?

Yeah, I'm in.

I might go home.
Oh, no, you don't.

But I feel like sh*t.

Yeah, well, you deserve
to feel like sh*t. ]

God, this job has made you
cruel, hard and competitive.

We had the chance at
a great gig, Rochelle.

We were in to score some serious
coin, and you went and ruined it all

by letting some psycho
snort coke off your tits.

I hate it when you get like this.

Like when you got kicked off indoor
netball for smacking that poor girl.

CAR APPROACHES

COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC

Is this the car?

This is the car.

Well, how did you get it? ]

What happened to 'Good work,
Jethro,' and everyone cheers?

Yeah, but we're the angels.

Does this mean you don't need us?

For God's sake, I only got
the car because of you.

How?
Does it matter? We got the car.

OK, sh*t, we need to take it to a—
to the dealers before it's too late.

Nah, I've done that.

Well, how come it's
here and not there?

I kinda did a deal.

What kind of deal?

(CHUCKLES)

You kept the car for yourself.

Yeah, I did. Don't worry, you'll
still get your cut in cash, but...

I couldn't resist the wheels.

Especially... You know.

We got the car gig?

Word's spreading, angels.

There'll be more work and a lot more
cash coming the way of Booty Call.

(SQUEALS, LAUGHS)

Ooh, yeah.

The whole world sucks.

How is that, Pascalle?

It just does.

It's just gotten totally
out of whack, and that sucks.

Or is it me? Am I the one that's
out of whack? Am I the whack-job?

No, you're not a whack-job.

Everyone is doing sh*t that they
never would if Mum was here. They
think it's OK cos she's not here.

And I'm not putting a stop to it?

Well, I don't wanna blame you,
but no, you're not, and you should.

Your family's always been dodgy.

By comparison, you know,
it actually ain't so bad.

Yes, it is.

It is to me, and Mum would
never stand for it.

I'm not your mum, Pascalle.

And don't do it.
What?

Bring her into this.

Well, she should know.

And what's she gonna do about it?
Yell at a few people down the phone?
Then what? They're not gonna change.

Then she's gonna go from
angry to frustrated. ]

Then she'll start feeling guilty,
like it's her fault, because she's
not here.

And then she will fall
to pieces — alone. ]

Sometimes a good lie for the
right reason is a good thing.

And you have my word — if any
of those bastards tip over into
illegal stuff,

I will come down on them like
God Almighty. I will rain fire
on their arses — for you.

Well, you better.

GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC

PHONE RINGS

Jethro West.

Are we good to go?

Yeah, we're already up and running.

I need people I can trust, and
unfortunately, you're the closest
thing I've got,

but listen — you rip me off, the
people behind this will nail your
balls to your kneecaps. Got it?

My eyes brim with tears.

Hell of a stretch
for any man's nutsack.

Righto. I need all this stuff
sold off discreetly, OK?

All the money comes to me. You guys
get a cut of whatever you sell.
Interested?

Bags the Mustang.
I'll have the jet skis.

What do you want jet skis for?

They speak to me.

Weirdo.

Boonga.

(LAUGHS)

I'm relatively confident we should
start seeing results very soon. So
you wanna go out and celebrate?

I can't. Not tonight —
I need to sort something.

After, then?

We'll see.

SOMBRE MUSIC

KNOCK AT DOOR

f*ck off, I'm busy.

Don't get up.

I won't.

You're a day late.

I know. I got your message.

Yeah, that's why I left
it — so you'd get it.

I think I got it.

Good.

Here's your money.

How do you want your apology?

However.

This is for later.

VELCRO RIPS

PHONE RINGS

Hi.
Hey, love.

Hi, Mum.

Hi, sweetie. How are you?

Oh, a bit sad. How are you?

Oh, you know. W-Why are you so sad?

I just am, but I'll get over it.

How's things down there?

Um,... well, I-I miss you guys.

Yeah, we really miss you too.

So come on. What's everyone up to?

BLUESY ROCK MUSIC

You know, not a whole lot.

ALL YELL

TAPE FAST-FORWARDS

f*ck off.

ALL LAUGH

(GASPS, LAUGHS)

Yep, things are real quiet
around here at the moment.

HELLO SAILOR'S
'GUTTER BLACK' PLAYS

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.' ♪

MUSIC CONTINUES