06x08 - Help, Help, Ho!

[bunniefuu]

(ROARS)

HEMI CRIES

Oh!

So, what's his name?

Hemi Chrysler Valiant, like
I promised, bro, after our car.

WOLF WHISTLES, CHEERING

So, what do you get out of this?

You earn; I earn.

Do we have a deal in the making?

About your girls...
What about them?

They're not your girls
any more. They're mine.

Loretta is running a brothel
out of our basement.

It is not a brothel.
It is an escort agency.

BOTH LAUGH

Hi, honey. How was your
day in the sex trade?

Don't even go there.

I had a good day. We have this new
thing where if you text in your full
name,

for $ . , we'll text you back
the day, the month and the year
that you're gonna die,

and it's going off.
Not such a great day, huh?

Why do they have to be
so stupid all the time?

When you're a dominatrix, you take
your whip with you and don't expect
me to deliver it to Northcote.

Can't they take some
responsibility for their lives?

PHONE RINGS
You know, you are
their manager, so...

(SCOFFS) What is it, Chastity?

INDISTINCT SHOUTING OVER PHONE

I can't hear you.
Why is some guy screaming?

Sorry, what's salami
got to do with anything?

INDISTINCT SHOUTING OVER PHONE

Why the f*ck did you do that?

Well, then, pull the
bloody thing out.

(LAUGHS)

OK, well, pull harder. It went up
there. Surely it must be able to
come out.

Chastity, don't cry. I need
you to keep your sh*t together.

CHASTITY: Oh, come and help me.

OK, I'll be there in minutes.

PHONE BEEPS

Ouch.
Don't say a word.

I take it the salami was
spicier than expected?

People are so sick.

Come on, in your business,
it's just part of the game.

And don't lecture me.

I'm just trying to be helpful.

Yep, and you know where
you can stick that.

Presumably where the salami went.

HELLO SAILOR'S 'GUTTER BLACK'

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

♪ My luck in the gutter black.

♪ I guess I'm running back...

♪ ...to you.

♪ You in my brain.
You in my heart. ♪

ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

(KNOCKS LOUDLY)

Hey, Munts.

(MOUTHS)

Shhh.

OK.

The Gooch says you're got
the carbide router bit set.

I dunno. Maybe. Why?

I need a new bit for the router.

Well, look in the tools.

Yeah, you left them outside.

WHISPERS: They're
noisy and dangerous.

Well, what if it
rains and they rust?

Do I look like I care?

THUD!

Hey.
THUD!

Gidday.
Have you seen Munter lately?

Yeah, yeah, he was just here.
THUD!

No, he wasn't.

Yeah, yeah, he just went
to the bakery to get pies.

Then why was he just at home?

Who says he was at home?

Well, me, cos I just saw him there.

(SIGHS) Nah.

Well, then why is he not here
and why is he acting all mental?

He's not mental, OK?

Yeah, but he's definitely not here.

OK, just between you
and me, he is here.

Except he's not.
Yeah, but he is for his, like, mana.

All right?
What's wrong with his mana?

He hasn't got any any more.

Well, how did that happen?

OK, but you can't tell anyone.

No way, man. That's just wrong.

That's what I said, bro. I said,
'No way, Kasey. That's just wrong.'

You haven't even got tits.

She's got the nungas,
so she should stay at home.

Apparently, there's
ways around that.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, OK, OK.
Are you saying what I think
you're saying?

You just the f*ck up,
and I'll finish the story.
Sorry.

Kasey reckons she can express,
bro, and then I can do the feeding.

Express what?

Milk into the bottles.

How does that work?
Well—

Look, OK, so...

you've got your tit, right.
Yeah.

So how do you...?

Like, with a pump, bro.
Like milking a cow.

BOTH LAUGH

Still freaks me out, man. Milking
chicks. What are they gonna milk
next? Goats?

Are you trying to tell me that
Munter's now the lady of the house?

But why?

She earns more money than you?

Like, twice as much.
(EXHALES)

It makes sense that she's the
one that has to go out and work.

Makes sense on a financial
level, but on a man level...

On a man level, he's had his nuts
crushed, so he's not really a man
any more.

Ah, no, no, no, don't say it.
Don't say the word.

It's what I am.
Doesn't mean you have to say it.

I'm a housewife, Van.

But you can't tell anyone.

Especially not Loretta. If she knows
he's not working, she'll fire him.

And the job that he used to have —
it's, like, the only thing keeping
him going, man.

I hear you, brother.
All right.

Have a good one.

What is it now, Chastity?
More problems with smallgoods? ]

My apartment —
I'm getting kicked out.

Because of last night?

There were complaints
about the screaming.

Well, they can't kick you out

just... (SIGHS) because you shoved
a pepperoni up some guy's arse.

This is a really stressful
time for me right now.

Chastity, no.
No, don't you dare cry.

Hey, Totally Tots just rang.
Jane's got a temperature.

Well, she was fine this morning.
She's not now. Someone's
gotta pick her up.

Haydie!

Chase!

(GIGGLES)

I was wondering if it was you.

I'm still Susan for
working purposes. (LAUGHS)

And how are ya?
I've been better.

How's your mum?
Mm, not so good.

Oh no.

What are you doing here?

I'm, um... I'm kinda
married to Loretta.

Really?
Mm.

I take it you two know each other.

Yeah, man, we go way back.

Oh, great. Except, Chastity, right
now, if my booking sheet is correct,

you're off to meet a
guy in Western Heights.

I need to find somewhere to live.

Yes, preferably somewhere
free-standing or with thick walls.

You can do that after you do the
guy in Western Heights. Bye-bye.

Bye, Haydie.
See you, Chase.

(SNORTS)

We'll catch up later, eh?
I hope so.

Yeah, you bet.

I'll call you later.

What?
Anything you wanna say?

'Who's gonna get Jane?'
You. I've got stuff to do.

Like maybe find a flat for Chase?

I manage her work, not her life.

These things are connected,
Loretta — for most people.

I'll go and get Jane.

So, how do you know her?
She used to work for Dad.

And was she another birthday
present from dear old Pop?

Did you get a hooker every year
or some years was it socks?

She's a sweet person, all right,
and we were close for a while.

Define 'close'.

I didn't pay.

A hooker who gives it away?

I so don't get that.
Yeah, well, there's a lot of stuff
you don't get about this business.

And you're happy to tell me.

Only if you ask.

(SIGHS)

I'll go and get Jane.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Hey. Hey, let me in. Let me in.

Let me in, just for a few minutes.

OK, but no noise, OK?
He's just gone to sleep.

OK, yeah.

Hey, um, uh, look,
I just wanna say I know.

Don't ask me how
I know, I just know.

Van told you. Oh, man.

Look, he's worried about you too.
Anyone would cr*ck under the stress.

I'm not stressed.

Your woman is turning you into a
woman. Of course you're stressed.

It's like being a fireman — you
know, always on call. The siren
may go off at any moment.

WHISPERS: H-He watches me, man.
Like, all the time. And the
crying, man — it never stops.

Well, except for now, eh?

That's cos you're here.

But when we're alone, it starts,
and it goes on and on and on.

Yeah.

I, um... I put a load of washing
on and he cries, and, oh, man.

I-I-I go and take
a crap and he cries.

Every time I change him, he wazzes
on me. It's like I'm covered in
wazz, Aaron.

Oh, hey, hey, hey, that's OK.

That's OK. I'm here for you now,
brother, OK. I'm here for you, OK.

That thing you're doing on my
back — that's not gay, is it?

No, it's just the man love.

OK, just the man love.

[ HEMI CRIES

Better go, man.
Gotta get back to it.

HEMI CONTINUES CRYING ]

OK, lady.

Oh, piss off, Aaron.
I've gotta ask you a question.

I'm busy.

Too busy for the important things
in your life, huh? Like your man?

The man who used to be a man, but is
now just a shell of his former man.
You should be ashamed.

Is this about Munt
looking after Hemi?

Doing the woman's work —

it's just wrong.

Uh, sorry? What century are we in?

This isn't about what's
cool and fashionable.

It's about if you're gonna do
the right thing by your man.

No, it's about if I'm
gonna rip your nuts off.

OK, you don't have to be
all ball-breaking about it.

Munt seems pretty happy.

You didn't see the Munt that
I saw today. Now, there's a man
who's crushed. He's just broken.

Do you think I'm enjoying this?

Do you think it doesn't hurt every
morning when I have to kiss my
precious little boy goodbye?

But this way is the only way
that makes any financial sense, and
it's none of your f*cking business.

So I take it that's a no, then?
No to what?

You going home, taking
away Munter's pain.

OK, the only one that's gonna be
in pain is you if you don't piss
off right now.

But you get my point, yeah?

f*ck off, Aaron!

What are you doing here?
Is this one for old time's sake?

Chase is a bit upset.

(SCOFFS) For Christ's sake,
Chastity, it is just a flat.

You'll find another one.
Shut up, Loretta.

Well, it's not like someone d*ed.

(SOBS)

Actually, someone did.

Her mum.

Oh, um, that's... terrible.

(SOBS)
I came back with Jane and
I found Chase outside crying.

My sister called, and
I didn't know what else to do.

Right. So presumably you didn't
quite make it to Western Heights?

Jesus, Loretta.

I have to go to New Plymouth.

Come on. I'll get you to
the airport, all right?

Hang on, hang on,

haven't you got Damien tonight?

Oh yeah, true.

Damien's a regular, I take it?

Well, yeah, he pays a grand a night.

The girlfriend experience.

Can't you go tomorrow?
Loretta.

Poor Damien. He really
does rely on me.

Yeah, exactly. It's not like another
hours will change anything.

Loretta!

I guess I could stay. It's just
I have to organise a funeral.

Can't your sister do it?

Not really. She's only got one arm.

Just go, Chase, all right.

Loretta will find someone else
to take care of Damien, because
that's what managers are for.

Come on, I'll get
you to the airport.

Well, what about Jane?

Temperature's still up, but she's
quite perky, apart from the runny
poos.

That's not what I meant.

Yep, I know.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, knock softly.
Any loud noise, he completely
goes to pieces.

That's like my sister. She got
really strange with her last one.

(TAPS SOFTLY)

Yep, he's got it bad.

WHISPERS: What?
We're here for you, brother.

Shouldn't you fellas be at work?

Some things are more important —

like looking after a brother worker,
eh, in his time of need when his
woman has turned her back on him.

So I'm just meant to
leave you with my kid?

Not to worry, my man. The Gooch,
here — he's an expert. He's got
five sisters.

Looked after a lot of
rug rats in my time.

He's totally on to it.

See, care of the newborn can be
very intense, and the new mum
can experience serious burnout.

Dad. New dad.

Well, you know the secret? You've
gotta have 'me time' — yep, away
from the house.

My sister says it's essential.

Well, I could go to the supermarket.
We need more nappies.

Nah, no nappies.

It's about you — your needs.

Grab a coffee, a magazine,
a little treat that's just for you.

Wee fella asleep, then?

Yeah, he just went down.

Then leave him to us.

Hmm?

Walk through that door.
Taste the sweet air of freedom.

You can do it.

GRAND PRIX'S
'WHAT KIND OF MAN IS HE?'

♪ What kind of man is he?

PHONE RINGS

♪ What stays with you and me?

PHONE BEEPS

Hey, babe.
Hey, baby. How are you doing?

Good.
What are you doing?

Nothing.
I wish I was there.

I've had this thought all day about
how much I want to smell his head.

Yeah, it still smells good.

Oh, I bet.

Hey, Munt, are you OK?
Yes.

Yeah, I mean with this arrangement.
Let's talk about that, OK?

Sure.

Cos you know we need
money to live, right?

Yes.

God, I love you for doing this. And
it'll only be for a few years, eh.
You know, till he goes to school.

Oh, baby, I've gotta go back to
work now. Kiss our boy for me.

Yeah, I will.

GRAND PRIX'
'WHAT KIND OF MAN IS HE?'

♪ What kind of man is he? ♪

OK, fine. Don't forget you've got
that guy from the radio tomorrow.
And remember your whip this time.

(SIGHS) sh*t, no one's up for it.

You haven't asked me, yet.

Uh, no offence, Angel, but this guy
wants the girlfriend experience,

and the word 'girl' is in
there for a very good reason.

I can be anything he wants me to be.

Oh, look, it's Hayden,
patron saint of prostitutes.

Did you and 'Chase' have a good
catch-up on the way to the airport?

I can't believe you
expected her to work.

It's a thousand bucks, Hayden.

Her mother d*ed, Loretta. The guy's
gonna fork out another time.

Well, I'd quite like
him to fork out tonight.

You are so the wrong
person to run this.

Well, pardon me for not having
a family history in pimping.

It needs people skills, Loretta.

Not exactly your strong suit.

I have people skills.

(SNIGGERS)

What?

You're not really a people
person — a bit too, uh, spiky.

f*ck you.
(CHUCKLES) There we go — spiky.

This isn't exactly
solving my problem.

And don't tell me you've got an
idea, cos I don't want to hear it.

You sort it.

Yeah, I will.

Oh, and her temperature's still up
and now her poos are really runny.

You're kidding, right?

All you have to do is
pretend to be on a date,

and you'll get a flash
dinner out of it.

And then I'd have to root him.

No, you don't.

Loretta, I know what 'the
girlfriend experience' means.

Apparently, he mostly wants to talk,

and he's paying, so you could
order crayfish. You love crayfish.

I'm not gonna f*ck some
guy just to eat crayfish.

And I'll pay you $ .

I'm not one of your prostitutes.

You're good at talking to people.

No, get out.

Oh, come on, Pascalle. It'll help
you get over the whole Nicky fiasco.

No, don't bring him into this.

Well, you're not getting it
anywhere else, so why not?

Because you are sick and deprived.
And I'm busy tonight.

(SIGHS) Doing what?

Working. Wayne is away seeing
our mother, so I have to look
after things.

It's 'sick and depraved', by the
way. 'Deprived' is what you are
of sex.

So you think, bitch.

(SIGHS)

'Hi, honey. How's Jane?' 'Oh, she's
good. She's sleeping like a baby —
after runny poos, crying, Pamol,

'more runny poos, more crying,
a bit of Incy Wincy Spider—'

Hayden. Don't give me any grief, OK.
I don't need any more grief right
now.

No luck finding a girlfriend?
You and me don't talk business.

Which is good, cos you
wouldn't listen, anyway.

All right, then, Mr Smart-arse.

How do I prevent a $ client
from walking out the door?

You call him and you
tell him the truth.

Do you think I wanna
lose a thousand bucks?

Well, I guess you're gonna
have to do him yourself, then.

(SCOFFS)

Actually, that's
not such a bad idea.

Oh, f*ck.

Do you think I wouldn't do it?

I know you wouldn't do it.

OK, fine.

I'm gonna do it.

Hey, the wanderer returns.

Is he still asleep?
No, he's been awake for ages.

And he's not crying?
The Gooch — he has powers.

He's like the baby whisperer.

(CHUCKLES) Man, he loves
his titty juice, eh?

(LAUGHS) Yeah.

Like father, like son, eh?
Eh?

Well, not the juice, obviously.
Just the titties.

So where'd you go? The movies?
The mall, check out some hot
shop girls, yeah?

Oh, I didn't do much.

BIRDSONG, DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE

But you did something —
something for you.

I just sat outside.

Oh, smoking it up, eh?

Nah, just contemplating my future
stretching endlessly ahead of me.
Then I got cold, so I came inside.

Hey, hey, hey, wipe your
feet. I just vacuumed.

What are you doing here?
Supporting Munts
in his time of need.

Hey, bro.

You weren't supposed
to say you knew.

Yeah, we had to say.

And we're here for him.

Hold on, have you been here all day?

Rock solid.

Well, I'm rooted, thanks for asking,

cos I'm doing the work of two Tools
instead of one, which makes me,
like, a double Tool,

and if you guys aren't working,
that means I'm doing the work
of four Tools.

Shh.
What about the deck
in McLaren Park? ]

Some things are more important, Van.

Aaron.
Like the rights of man-mothers.

Don't call me that.

Me and the Gooch are here for
Munter as long as he needs us.

Five years.
Eh? ]

Till Hemi's at school.

There's kindy, but
that's still years away.

We need to talk to
management about this.

No, you can't tell Loretta.
We're not scared of her.

I'm not telling her.

Well, sweet. Me and
the Gooch will handle it.

I'm not gonna f*ck him.

It's not your decision to make.
Yes, it is.

Loretta, the moment you take
his money, you've consented.

(SCOFFS) Chastity is always banging
on about how he's this sad guy

that just wants someone to
listen to his boring stories.

And then they f*ck.
No, she says sometimes
they just talk.

Exception rather than the rule.

Well, tonight will just have to
be one of those exceptional nights.

Hey, boss. Looking good.

Oh, you two.

Why did I have some poofter from
McLaren Park on the phone today

bleating about how you guys
never finished his deck.

Yeah, that's part of what
we wanna talk to you about.

Yeah, well, don't let me interrupt.

Spot of trouble on
the old marital bliss—

What's going on?

W-We're taking industrial action.
[ You're what?

On behalf of our
Tool brother Munter.

Oh, what's he done now?

He's got post-natal depression.

All the classic symptoms.

Mm.

OK, you're deranged, but I don't
see what this has to do with me.

Now that he's stopped
working, we feel that—

What do you mean
he's stopped working?

To look after the baby.

Which why he has
post-natal depression.

Has Van been doing
their jobs on his own?

Well, no, the point here is Munter
and what you're gonna do about him.

Find someone to replace him.

Well, we think you should
pay him parental leave.
What?

It'd be awesome for his self-esteem.
Yeah.

Munter is paid for the jobs that he
does, so if he does no jobs, he gets
no pay.

My sister got parental leave
last time she had a baby.

Yeah, see, yeah,

you're being totally sexist.

He is an independent contractor.

If he wants parental leave,
it has nothing to do with me.

That's harsh.
[ That's how it works.

Well, not around here.

Not with the man love.

Look, either Munter gets
paid parental leave or...

we're on strike.
(GROANS)

What do you gotta say about that?

What I've got to say about that

is get the f*ck out of my room
until you come to your senses.

No, you don't tell us what to do.

Not any more.

So we have to stay here, then?

We'll leave because we decide
to... when we decide to.

And we're deciding now?

It's unanimous.

He's so cute, snuffling
away like a little hedgehog.
Yeah.

Sorry I was late. I had
a bunch of paperwork to do.

Oh, that's cool. There's some
macaroni cheese in the oven.

Oh, I might have a bath first.

Sure.
You really are the best.

(SIGHS)

Where are you going all dressed up?

(SIGHS) Funny you should ask, Ted.
My wife's off out whoring.

(SCOFFS) It's a business dinner.

You're a man of the world, Ted.
If you paid $ for a hooker,
would you want a root out of it?

I'd want several.

You wouldn't settle for
dinner and a chit-chat?

I like a good chinwag,
then I like my knob sucked.

Well, my wife is confident that
service won't be required.

(LAUGHS)

If you think you're gonna
change my mind, you're wrong.

[ Come on, Loretta.

See ya. Bye.

SOFT MUSIC PLAYS

You must be Damien.

Thank you.
Where's Susan?

Susan can't be here tonight.
Her mother d*ed.

Oh my God. Well, I knew she
was unwell, but... Is she OK?

No, she's dead.

I meant Susan.

Oh, um, she's bearing up as best she
can, you know. But tonight I will be
your girlfriend.

And you are?

I'm Pascalle.

Ah. (CHUCKLES)

The names you girls come up with.

(LAUGHS)

So, how was your day?

Oh, not that great, actually.

You usually have a great day,
and then you ask me about my day.

It's money upfront, isn't it?

Well, we usually take care
of that later, but...

So, now you ask how was my day.

What do you do again?
I own a plumbing supply business.

Wow.

You're meant to know that.
And it's pretty interesting,
and you've always thought so.

Do you have staff?
Of course.

Do you ever wanna k*ll them?

No. I like my staff.

And I wanna talk about me,
not my staff.

Hmm.

I might have the crayfish.

Your daughter's asleep in bed and
your wife's rooting another bloke.

She's not rooting.

She's pretending to root.

How does that work?

Extended foreplay with no
follow through — that's her plan.

And you let her do this?

It's Loretta. She's
f*cking impossible.

When Rita was doing the dirty on me,
she had the decency to do it behind
my back.

Well, what am I meant to do?
Just show her what's what.

Oh, what's the point?

What if she shags him
to stick one up you?

(SCOFFS) She won't do that.

You're sure of yourself for a bloke
sitting here with his d*ck in hands
while his wife's rooting some fell.

Plumbing supplies isn't a glamorous
industry, but it's recession-proof.

People always need running water and
a system to take away their sh*t.

Oh, if you say so.

Am I boring you?

It's been a long day.

I hope you're better in the sack
than you are as a dinner companion.

Yeah, about that, Damien—

What Susan usually does now — she
goes to the loo. When she comes
back, she hands me her knickers.

She likes me to feel her up in the
car on the way back to my hotel—

OK, that's not gonna happen.

Not with this girl.
It's what I paid for.

No, you paid for the
girlfriend experience,

Tonight's girlfriend experience is
very authentic — your girlfriend
has a headache.

It's not my problem.

Well, she also has her period.

I'm a businessman, sweetheart.
I don't pay a grand for a meal.

I pay for some companionship
ending in f*cking.

But you don't always do it.

It's just the way it is with
Susan. She's understanding.

But you've come in a bit light
on the companionship deal, and
I will get the rest of it.

Um,... I think there's been a
slight, uh, misunderstanding here.

Not from my end.

So I'm prepared to give
you a partial refund.

It's not partial. If there's no
happy ending, I want my money back.

Nice meeting you.
Listen, girlie—

Don't f*cking 'girlie' me.

Just give him his money.

What are you doing here?

Are you her boss?
Do you have a complaint, sir?

Yeah, she's a crap listener
and she won't come across.

My apologies.

You prick.

Susan will be back next month,
and your next evening with her
will be on the house.

I appreciate that.

I'll get the bill as well.

I didn't need you.
I did not need you.

Didn't look that way to me.
I was dealing with it.

You were on your way to being r*ped.

(SCOFFS) In the middle
of a restaurant (?)

What about the car park, Loretta?
The guys expected a result. He paid
for it, and fair enough.

Are you defending him?
Oh, f*ck.

You so do not get it —
this business you're in.

What is so f*cking
complicated about it?

It's about needs, Loretta.

Human needs — something you
clearly do not understand.

So you treat your girls
and your clients like sh*t,

which is why you're making
a complete hash of this.

I do not need a f*cking lecture!

I'm not allowed to tell
you you're screwing up?!

I'm getting that! Don't worry!

I have to help you.

We are married, and I married you
because, God help me, I love you.

Oh yeah, yeah!
If that doesn't—

You can shove your emotional
blackmail up your arse!

Fine, you know what? f*ck ya!

I won't bore you any further.

SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC

SOTTO VOCE: sh*t.

Just back from work. Filling in
for Wayne, cos I have to.

At this time in the morning?

Security is - , Loretta.

So you weren't out screwing
some random loser?

No. That's not who I am.

What are you doing?
Nothing.

You must have done something
really bad to be on the couch.

No, I chose to be here.

Is your marriage on the rocks again?
Do you wanna talk about it?

(SCOFFS) f*ck off, Pascalle.

Fellas sure about this?

We're on strike for you,
our man brother.

You deserve that day away
you never got yesterday.

About this strike...

This is men — yeah, men
standing firm, together.

Against the man —

well, Loretta.

You've stopped work.

She'll cave. You'll see.

OK, mother milk on the bench.

Kasey expressed all that?

Yep, she's getting real
good at expressing herself.

(CHUCKLES) True, that.

OK, you fellas know the drill?

Bottles go in the microwaves,
and don't forget—

...check for hotspots. All over it.

Fear not. We are the boys
who have got your back.

You guys are the best.

You need this. Go.

Come on, go.

Reconnect with yourself.

Get your hair done or whatever.
My sister likes to get a pedicure.

GRAND PRIX'S
'WHAT KIND OF MAN IS HE?'

♪ What kind of man is he? ♪

Breakfast of champions, this.

Yeah, you tried it?

Long time ago. I don't remember.

I never knew. I was a formula baby.

Kind of wonder what the
real deal tastes like.

For some reason I wanna say salty.

PHONE RINGS

Heya, boss lady. We're
not talking to you today.

PHONE BLEEPS

Salty, you reckon?

Hmm.
Aaron, I have already had the angry
poof from McLaren Park on the phone,

so if you do not get around there,
I will hunt you down and castrate
the both of you.

And you better not
be ducking my calls.

PHONE BEEPS
You'd like to comment
on that, would you?

Go on, give her one.

Jane's better, so I'm taking her
to creche. I can pick her up.

I can pick her up.
Let her do it. Make
a woman out of her.

Grandpa, shut it.
I can pick her up.

Go on, kiss your daughter goodbye.

Bye.

What are you doing here?
I'm just checking to see that at
least one Tool Guy isn't on strike.

Yeah, well, my life sucks enough
already without not earning money.

Good on you, Van.

Not that I don't agree with them.

But it would be heaps better if the
Gooch and Aaron were here. They are
way better at decks.

What they're doing
to you is so terrible.

Mm, kind of.
And Munter too. It's pretty unfair.

Yeah, well, he does have it pretty
sweet, being at home all day with
his baby.

Yeah, totally.

No, no, no, you don't do this.
Do what?

Split me and Munter, even if
he does owe me at the moment.

Van, he is being a lazy sh*t.

No, Munter and I did not start
the Tool Guys so that he could
get ripped off.

How is it a rip-off if
he's not doing any work

and Aaron and the Gooch
aren't doing any work?

Loretta, you're not gonna break me.

OK, fine.

Give me your phone.

Why?
Just give it to me.

No, you're gonna use
it for your evil sh*t.
I won't.

THUMP!
Ah!

Ow!
PHONE BEEPS

See, you're an evil bitch.

PHONE RINGS

Van, my brother.

Aaron, listen to me, if you do not
get your arse over here and help—

PHONE BLEEPS
f*ck.

She got to Van.

Van's strong. He can
go the distance.

It's gonna bruise.

Where are they?

How would I know?
They at Munter's?

(SCOFFS) I wouldn't tell you
if they were still there.
Hmm.

No, but they— but they were there—
I wasn't even there this morning!

How long do you reckon
we'll be on strike?

Oh, until Loretta caves in
or as long as it takes.

It's just I'm still paying off
my new bagpipes, so it'd be good—

Hello, do you see what I see?

THE LEDS' 'RUMBA'

Do you know what hot guys with
babies are to chicks like that?

We play our cards right here,
we could do very nicely.

Two white guys with a brown baby...

Won't they think we're, like,
you know, gays who've adopted?

Why would they think that?

Hey, ladies.

I'm Aaron. This is little baby Hemi,
and this is my partner, the Gooch.

I know I shouldn't, but I love
it when little boy racers cry
when you repo their car.

BOTH CHUCKLE

What is Munter doing here?

What are you doing here?
Eating.

Have you lost our son?

No. ]
Where is he?

At home.
With who?

Aaron and the Gooch.

Oh my God.

OK, I know it sounds bad, but...

ROCK MUSIC

If anything's happened to him,
I will personally k*ll you.

Kasey, uh, shouldn't you be at work?

BABIES COO, CRY

Who are these people?

Um, these are the girls from the
park. Uh, this is, uh, Tracey,...

Hi.
...Stacey,...

Hi.
...uh, and Donna.

Oh, hey, Munt. How was freedom?

Uh, girls, this is Munter
we were telling you about.

WOMEN: Hey, Munter.

They think you're a legend.

WOMEN LAUGH

You, not so much.

Where's my son?

Asleep after his big
day out at the park.

So you decided to invite all these
complete strangers back to my house?

The ladies are cool.

They're a coffee group.

Even though the did
think we were gay.

(CHUCKLES) But we
soon got over that.

Ooh, ooh, and next week we're
all doing to Tracey's house.

Uh, actually, it's good you're here.
Supplies are running low.

No, I've got heaps.

Oh, he's a thirsty wee man.

I've sterilised the pump.

(GROWLS)

Two — count them, two —
solo mothers. I think even
the Gooch is in with a sh*t.

All my slackers in
one place. Excellent.

Hey, you can't come in here.

I can.

BABY CRIES
Oh!

Or we could take this outside.

WOMEN CHATTER, BABIES COO

Have you come to negotiate?

Only if by negotiate you mean me
telling you that if you don't get
back to work,

I will fire your arses.
You can't fire them.

Yes, I can. So from now on,
none of you have jobs.

How is that support?
PHONE RINGS

What is it, Angel?

You have to come here right now.

Oh, please don't tell me
that your mother's dead too.

No, not my mother.

It's a bit worse than that.

REFLECTIVE MUSIC

I brought you tea and some bickies.

(SIGHS) Ta.

I'll let you get on with it.

Get back to those
breastfeeding ladies.

Yeah.

MUSIC SWELLS

LORETTA: What the f*ck did you do?

Nothing. The usual.

Do they usually end up dead?

It's never happened to me before.

Look, one minute he was behind me
pumping away and then he started
making all these weird noises.

I just thought he was
gonna sh**t his load.
Ugh!

And then there was this groan
and suddenly he stopped moving,

and talk about a deadweight.

Took me ages to get him off —
off on top of me, that is.

But then that driver you
got me just took off.

Well, did you call an ambulance?

He's dead. Had a heart att*ck.
What's the point?

The cops, then?
No cops.

Angel, there is a dead guy here.

No cops!

I have my reason, and you better
f*cking respect that or I ain't
coming back!

Now do your job and sort it.

How?

You're the one from
the crime family.

We steal sh*t!

We're not the f*cking Sopranos!

You will manage when
it's your problem.

Wh... Um, OK, fine, we'll, um,
take him outside and dump him and—

Are you nuts?
My DNA is all over him.

Yes, OK. Well...

(SIGHS)

Oh. (HUFFS)

You better not be ringing—
Angel, shut the f*ck up.

PHONE RINGS

Hey.
Hayden. Uh, it's me.

I need your help.

Oh, is that right?

Yeah, I'm serious.
I don't know what to do.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS) I just looked around the
lounge, Chelle, and I wanted it
to be me —

you know, with my tit flopped
out and doing all that 'my baby
is cuter than your baby' sh*t.

Cos you know Hemi would so win.

No, you so don't wanna do that.
Yes, I do.

No, that is just the breastfeeding
hormones talking, hon. You love your
job.

(CHUCKLES) I know.

And it makes more financial sense
that you're the one out working—

I know, I know, I know, I know.

Just hurts not being with my boy.

I know, but you're doing good.

All I am to him is a milk tanker.

Never seen a dead guy before.

Only it was bound
to happen. I just...

pulled the trigger.

[ KNOCK AT DOOR

Who is it?
HAYDEN: It's me. ]

Hey. This is Dana. She used to work
for Dad. You owe her five hundie.

Hey, Angel.

Please tell me you
know what you're doing.

Why do I owe her five hundie?

Because she is a top woman
who is doing you a favour.

Angel was never here.

(SIGHS WITH RELIEF)

He was Dana's client.
She'll call the cops.

I need you to tell Dana everything
so she can answer any questions.

Sure.
She's all right about doing this?

Dana's had at least three guys
die on her — under her, in her.

(MOUTHS)
Four? sh*t, you are
a dangerous woman.

I'll drop Angel off home when
we're done here, all right?
So, um, you can go now.

GENTLE MUSIC
Where'd you pick him up?
Was he a regular?

Uh, no, no.

Occasional. Um, we met here,
had a few drinks and then got
into the business.

He was banging me from
behind, and then... ]

Oh, look, it's the boss
drinking with all her friends.

Piss off. I'm not in the mood.

Yeah, shut it, Aaron.

But we all want the
same thing, right?

HEMI COOS
We don't wanna fight
her because of me.

But we don't wanna look weak.

Yeah, but we can't stay at
my house forever with no jobs.

What do you want?
To negotiate.

What will make you shut up and go
away? Because that is what I want.

OK, but only if you do right by
your loyal staff member Munter.

You should not fire these guys and
maybe get them to go back to work.

But on conditions.

What if I put him on some sort
of retainer. Would that do it?

Enough to make him feel valued?

And buy weed.
OK, fine.

OK, done — as long as
you guys go back to work.

But what about Munter?
I'll cope, OK — really.

No, what about Munter—
Aaron.

...because—
You've just won, all right?

And you better help Van too, before
he kills himself or we all end up in
court.

All over it.

See? (CHUCKLES) You can be
a nice, kind boss when you want.

You caught me at a weak
moment. That's all.

Oh yeah! Rocking! (LAUGHS)

Power to the workers, yeah. Power
to the mothers. Power to the— to
fathers.

Power to the mother and
the fathers. Oh yeah!

CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC

[ DOOR OPENS

Sorry about the mess.

(SIGHS)

It's OK.

Man, those mother chicks
talk a load of sh*t —

always skiting about how
clever their kids are.

Yeah, well, I'd skite too
if I had the chance.

Yeah, but only because
Hemi's the way smartest.

(SIGHS) Munt, do you wanna swap?

I mean, you work, me stay here.

Do you want to?

SIGHS: Sometimes.

Me too.

Just makes sense this way.

Just takes a bit of getting used to.

I reckon.

Just one thing.
Oh, you're kidding?

Nah, little fella's going through
it like there's no tomorrow. Must
be a growth spurt.

I guess we could multitask.
Kinky.

BOTH LAUGH

Thank you.

You know, you're just new to
the game. You're gonna get it.

I don't get it.

I don't get any of it.

So...

any suggestions...

(SIGHS) that you might have...

would be gratefully accepted.
Gratefully?

(SCOFFS) Well, accepted.

You sure?
Suggestions, though, not chit-chat.

OK, OK.

Look, prostitutes
are like livestock.

So sensitive (!)

But if you keep all that livestock
in one place, you've solved so many
of your problems —

transport, accommodation, security.

Are you suggesting
that we open a brothel?

Well, it is a concept that's worked
for thousands of years. And... what
do you mean 'we'?

Well, you do have
a proud family tradition.

And we are family.

Yes, we are.

And you don't have a house
to burn down. (CHUCKLES)

SAMUEL F SCOTT AND THE BOP'S
'BLACK MARK'

OK, OK, so I'll run the books
and you run the girls.

Yeah, that could work.

And then we could work on some
of that stuff that freaks you out.

(LAUGHS)

Well, I don't think we have
any salami, but I'm pretty sure
there's a cucumber in the fridge.

Pass.

♪ They say you've got his heart,
you've got his mind too.

♪ If he's gonna think again,
they'd better say what you do.

♪ And it's a strange thought...

OK, I'll get pies. But then
we are starting work. Got it?

Sweet.

♪ But you're gonna drag me down.

♪ I'm gonna drag you...

Shall we?

♪ And it's a strange way,...

Here we are.

♪ ...show me your heart

♪ by selling my body parts

♪ on the black mark. ♪

Breakfast of champions.

Not even salty.
Yeah.

HELLO SAILOR'S
'GUTTER BLACK' PLAYS

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.' ♪

MUSIC CONTINUES