06x14 - Their Grand Commission

[bunniefuu]

I'm not gonna manage
the Tool Guys any more.
Who is?

Do you know where the small-business
course is around here somewhere?

MUNTER: You went to the wrong class.

You've gotta see this
girl, man. She's different.

Where have I heard that before?
Aurora, anyone? Sheree?

No, no!
SMACK!

(GRUNTS)

I don't know how you did it,
Pascalle, but you are up here,
and I can't get rid of it.

PASCALLE: Do you want
to get rid of it?
No.

So basically we're going to
have to lie our arses off.

Hey, doll. Guess where
I'm calling from.

Everyone, Mum's back in Auckland.

Is Wayne there?

Hey, Cher. How's it going?

DOOR BUZZES

Hey.

How are you?
f*cked off...

[ is what I am.

I get back up here, and what
is the first thing I find?

I dunno.
Go on, have a guess.

What is the last thing I need
pissing on my life right now?

You've got me.

Cheryl.

Hey, love. sh*t, what the f*ck
are you still doing in here?

Look who's with the ret*rd. ]

Hi, Cheryl.

Fancy seeing you here after all your
sermons. Not such a saint now, are
you, Chezza? (SNIGGERS)

[ Draska f*cking Doslic.

If she makes one more
f*cking remark...
Cheryl.

No, it's OK. I'm not gonna smack
her one, even if she deserves it.

Well, that's good.

I know what I need. I just
need to get out of here.

So, how's the family?

Great.

Kids, Janie, Loretta, Pascalle?

Ticking along.

Not much to report, really.

HELLO SAILOR'S 'GUTTER BLACK'

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

♪ My luck in the gutter black.

♪ I guess I'm running back...

♪ ...to you.

♪ You in my brain.
You in my heart. ♪

CELLPHONE RINGS

Yeah?
I've had the lady
on the phone again.

What lady? The one from
Blockhouse Bay. You said you'd
be there at am to fix her downpipe.

Yeah, I'm on my way.
You're driving?

Yep.
Then how come I can't
hear any car noises?

Oh, cos I'm stuck in traffic.

(GROWLS) Hey, hurry up!

Van, are you hanging
around the tech again?

No.
Van, you've gotta give this up, man.

Look... (STUTTERS)
It's on my way, OK.

She's not the only chick in the
world, or the only one who'll get
naked.

It's not about that, OK?
I... I have to find her.

PHONE BEEPS

Van? Van!

Draska's in prison with Mum?

CHUCKLES: Yeah.

Oh yeah, that'll be cos of
the Paulie Janovich thing.

[ What Paulie Janovich thing?

She drove into him in her car
because he dumped her for some
skank,

And apparently he might lose
a leg. But Mum and Draska—

She says she won't do anything.

But Mum and Draska — they're like
catnip to cats, except the other way
around. This could get really bad.

Cheryl was asking after you.

Yeah, I should probably go see her.

Look, we made a decision.

Hey, um, could you check the...

contents of that?

(EXHALES)

SOTTO VOCE: sh*t, sorry.

I know it's a wrong thing, even
though I love you, and that's
a right thing.

Uh, no, no, we... (SIGHS)

We have to do the right thing.

We know what we have to do.

What's right.
We just have to stick to that.

[ MUNTER: Of course.
(GASPS)

[ I'll get back to you with an ETA.

[ Hey, thanks for your patience.

Gidday, Mr J.
Munter.

I have a bit of a situation
on my hands concerning Van,

who should be in Blockhouse Bay,
except he's chasing some foreign
naked girl.

What girl?

The girl he met when he was
meant to be at business school.

LAUGHS: Van went to business school?

I don't find it amusing.

He ended up in life-drawing class
and then got smacked out by her
father.

What for?
Well, he's gone to that place again
— you the impossible-love place.

Yeah, Tool Guys.

[ Yeah, hi, Lorraine.

We certainly are available. I've got
your number. I'll call you right
back.

You know the place — the one that
ends with freezers and bikies and
sometimes even death.

sh*t, poor Van.

What about poor me? I've got jobs
backing up — Plunket at and
no one in Blockhouse Bay.

Yo, Gooch.

Yeah, they want
mil posts, not .

Yeah, make sure you get
a receipt. Thanks, mate.

That was assertive, Munter.

Are you saying I'm a p*ssy?

No, I'm saying it's efficient.

Well, it's still not solving the
problem I've got in Blockhouse Bay.

Take it up with Van.

He's ducking my calls, and you're
the one who started all this.
What?

You got him all rarked up about
management, and that's how he met
this girl in the first place.

Someone's gotta talk some
sense into him, Mr J.

OK, fine.
Pascalle.

Thanks, I'll take that as a yes.

My lawyer reckons I'm better off
in here until Brock's convicted.

Mm-hmm.

I'm not sure where
I'll go if I do get out.
Mm.

The only good thing is
that I'd get to visit Mary.
Yeah. ]

Hi, Chezza.

FEIGNS SPEECH IMPEDIMENT:
Hello, ugly ret*rd.

f*ck up.

You and I — we need
to talk sometime.

Piss off, Draska.

Oh, Cheryl and me, we go way back.

Don't we, babe?

So, how are you going?

Fantastic.

When I heard about you and the cop,
I couldn't help it. I ended up
crying.

Mostly because I was
laughing so hard.

Yeah, thanks for that.

Oh, but I didn't cry when
I heard about your baby dying.

Must have been really hard for you,
eh, especially cos you're so big on
family.

You must really miss them, eh.
Your kids, your man — oink, oink.

TENSE MUSIC

So, when's your trial?

Soon.

m*rder and a cop.

God, that's gotta add up. What
do you think she'll get, ret*rd?
, , ?

I've got a good defence.
Ha! That's what they all say.

You come near me again,
and I will f*cking deck you.

Yeah, that would look really good,
eh (?) Get in the papers again —
for as*ault this time.

I wouldn't give you
that satisfaction.

Yeah, probably wouldn't be too
good just before a m*rder trial.

See you round, Chezza.

Mm, yum.

WAYNE: Well, what's her name?
Elena.

Elena what?

I don't know.

Well, for someone you're keen on,
you don't know much about her.

Well, nah, nah, I, like...

I do— I know her.

What, because you saw her naked?

Don't make it sound all pervy.
I got naked too.

Well, OK.

(SIGHS) Yeah, whatever, man.
We had, like, a... you know,
a-a-a-a connection.

Aww!
Yeah.

That's great. You don't
even have her number.

Well, no. No, but...

I do have this.

That could be anyone. Anyone female.

No, it couldn't.

And she left this code here, see?

It's Cyrillic.

Eh? What's that?

It's an alphabet, Van —
the Russian alphabet.

What, there's another alphabet?
Yeah, more than one.

Oh, OK, well, what does it mean?

I don't know. I can't speak
and read f*cking Russian.

Why are you trying to be all Mr—

The important thing is we
know that she's Russian.

Yes! Yes!

You're a f*cking genius.

No, not really.

Ah, I know, I've got it.

I'll hire you.
To do what?

To— To find her.

You're a detective. You've already
detected that she is a Russian.

Yeah, no, Van—
No, Wayne, I have to find her.

OK, what if she's being held
prisoner or— or her dad's
abusing her, you know?

Did she say that?

Well, no. No, but he was
mean and violent, you know?

And... And she's sad.

Oh, poor you.
Yep.

Here's what we're going to do.
You are going to Blockhouse Bay.
No, Wayne—

Van, if you go there, I will...
(SIGHS) see what I can find out
about her.

Is that a yes?
Yes.

Yeah, but no promises.

OK.

You know the score, ret*rd — you owe
me, and you don't get anything more
till it's sorted.

I can pay.
Yeah? When?

I could do stuff for you.

Like what, lezzy?

Do you wanna lick my clit?

JEERING, LAUGHTER

I'll get the money.
Yeah, you better,

cos you don't have Scary Mary
to take care of you any more.

Bet you're really missing her, eh,
now that she's in the real g*ng.

Leave me alone.

You are alone, aren't ya?

Oi.

[ Leave her alone.

You wanna make me, Cheryl?

Come on.
Oh, Debz, got a new girlfriend?

Cheryl West, patron
saint of retards.

Anyway, her son's a f*cking ret*rd.

Why do you keep talking to her?

I owe her money.

What for?

Dope, mostly. Make-up.

Oh, sh*t.

Well, Draska's mean, but she's in
with one of the guards, so she can
get stuff.

I've been real lonely
since Mary got convicted.

I love her, but she's not real good
at writing, cos she's dyslexic.

Yeah, yeah.

Could you lend me some money?

What for?

To pay Draska back.

(SCOFFS)

You are not giving that c**t a cent.

But then I don't get nothing.

I need to take my mind off things.
You know how it is, Cheryl.

[ Mm. Yeah, I do.

EARPIECE BEEPS
Munter.

Mrs West?
Yeah.

Far, how'd you be?
I'm good, I'm good.
How's the little fella?

I just put him down for a nap.
He's really settled, eh?

Put on heaps of weight.
Plunket think he's a real star.

Oh, that's great. How's Kase?

Choice. Yeah, nah,
she's busy as, eh.

Yeah, we should come see you, eh.

Oh, that'd be great. I'd love that.

Is there anything else I can
do for you today, Mrs West?

Uh, actually, yeah. There's
a favour I wanna ask you.

How are you going? Did you find her?

Who?

Van's girlfriend.

She's not his girlfriend.
She's just an idea in his head.

But she does exist.

Yeah, and if he
finds her, then what?

I dunno.

It's Van. What are the
chances of it working out?

He loves her.

Yeah, until it turns to sh*t
again, and then he's a mess.

Don't you believe in love?

I'm just saying that in the real
world, things aren't so simple.

Well, I'll find her, then,
if you don't want to.

Pascalle.

Van said she was sad, and I believe
him. And if does work out, isn't
that a good thing?

And if it's not real and it all
turns to crap, then you can say,
'Ha ha, I told you so.'

I'm not gonna say,
'Ha ha, I told you so.'

Sounded like that to me.

I just don't want him
to get hurt again.

(SCOFFS)

(SIGHS) Where were you
going to start looking?

Have you guys seen this girl?

Nah, sorry, bro.

Have a f*cking look.

I thought you were meant
to be in Blockhouse Bay.

Yeah, no, I was.

Yeah, no, I was, but then I thought—
I had this idea, right, if I show
the picture around,

then someone might see it and
go, 'Oh, hey, that's Elena,'

Elena Borodovnik-Christiakova?
How do you know that?

She filled in a tax form before
they terminated her employment.

Why did they do that?
She's great at modelling.

Van, she's on a visitor's permit,
which means she's not meant to work.

So she's not even here any more?

Well, maybe she's at home.
I've got an address.

No, Van, no.
Give it to me.

No.
Give it to me.

Van.
That's what I hired you for.

Van, I'm doing this as a favour.

You've had a run-in with her dad,
and you don't know her situation.

Yeah, Wayne, I know she loves me.

You go to Blockhouse Bay, and I will
see what I can find out and I'll get
back to you.

You promise?
Yes. Go.

Gidday.

Hi, I'm Wayne from the tech.
What about it?

I just wanted to catch up with
Elena. We might have underpaid her.

She's not doing that any more.

I don't need grief with immigration.

I'm looking after her so she doesn't
have to get her gear off in front of
strangers.

Uh, OK, is she a home-stay student?

No, she's my fiance.

Right.
What's it to you?

Oh, nothing. We might
send her a letter.

Why don't you do that?

MOURNFUL MUSIC

So, Van has the hots for a Russian
bride he met while she was naked?

It seems so.
sh*t, outstanding.

Is she one of those sad slutty girls
who puts her photo on the internet?

Everyone's gotta get by somehow.

But to have to marry
someone who's really old...

Well, you'd know all about
getting it on with old guys.

(SCOFFS) No, I wouldn't.

Yes, you would.
No, I wouldn't.

Hello? Milt, your
dear departed husband —

not exactly a spring chicken. ]

I didn't marry Milt cos I'm from
some faraway country that's sad
and poor.

What else is NZ?

And I didn't put my
photo on the internet.

Yes, you did.

No, it was a DVD, and...
your husband's also way old.

He's not that ancient, and
I certainly didn't marry
him for his money.

Love you too, honey.

Anyway, we don't know
Elena's actually doing that.

Why else would she go there?

Did you talk to her?

The job was to find her,
and that's what I did.

You didn't get all the facts.
There's still heaps we don't know.

Do you have to put up with this kind
of harassment every single day?

Shut up.

What do you call these?
Afghans.

Mm, walnuts are a nice— (YELPS)
They're not for you.

You used our kitchen.

During working hours, this is
the Tool Guys office premises.

HEMI FUSSES

Oh, hey, Bailey.
You got something for me?

Yep, I've got some home baking.

Yeah, he wouldn't let me have any.

They're for Cheryl.

Isn't he amazing? He runs
a business, he looks after
Hemi and he bakes.

Yeah, he's a miracle, all right.
Well, thanks for this.

Oh no, wait. I've got
something for Cheryl.

And these photos of Hemi. Aww, look
at him with his big adorable smile.

Yes. Thanks.

She's marrying her father?

It's not her father.
It's her fiance.

But he's not Russia.

No, he's Roy Smedley from Swanson.

He owns a floor-sanding business.
Wife d*ed a few years back.

Did he tell you that?

No, I asked the neighbours.

She can't marry a guy who's old
enough to be her father, man.

She can if she wants.

She kissed me, Wayne.

She...

(SCOFFS) I need to talk to her.

Hey, no. Van, you can't
go around there.

You're the one who's always telling
me to take more responsibility.

I didn't say you can't talk to her.

So how am I going to talk to
her if I don't go around there?

How about the phone?

PHONE RINGS

Hello.
Elena?

Yes.

It's me, Van.

Oh, yes.

Um, I need to talk to you.
I need to see you.

Who is it?

Uh, sorry, I must go now.

PHONE BEEPS
No, but Elena...

Mary gets the letters all
the wrong way around, see?

Well, at least she writes to you.

Oh, come one, Debz.
Cheer the f*ck up.

You don't wanna piss her off.

Oh, I think I can cope.

Are you gonna smack her one?

Me?

Ooh, no. I'm all about
peace and love, me.

Peace and love.

Oh, sh*t, he's a legend.

We have a lot of work
to do here, Cheryl.

(LAUGHS) Afghans?

Bloody hell.

Well, they're not too bad. Would
you mind? I skipped breakfast.

Uh, maybe not such a good idea.
Why not?

I think perhaps you might
wanna keep your wits about you.

But you can give this back
to Munter if you like.

Are those what I think they are?
They're afghans.

Jesus, Cheryl, do you want
me to get struck off?

The didn't search you, did they?

No.
Well, what's the big deal?

I'm a lawyer, not
a f*cking drug mule.

Oh, come on, I'm not ripping anybody
off. I'm just... tipping the balance
of power.

It's a huge f*cking risk. Do you
wanna get charged? Sent back to
Christchurch?

Listen, the only one taking a
huge f*cking risk is me on you —

some little upstart, wet behind
the ears who's never done m*rder.

You don't want me to represent you?

What's going on with you and Jethro?

(SCOFFS) What has that
got to do with anything?

Is it serious? Answer the question.

Yeah.

Yes.

If you're with Jethro, you're
family, so you've got the gig,

but you do what I tell you,
and you don't give me any gyp.

I spend enough of my day here
being ordered around as it is.

OK.
Great.

FLIP GRATER'S
'EVERYONE ELSE IS BUSY MESS'

Special delivery.

Don't scoff these all at once.

♪ Everybody's got it.

♪ Everybody's got it.

♪ Everybody's got
something I want.

♪ Everybody's got it.

♪ Everybody's got it.

♪ Everybody's got
something I want.

♪ Everybody's got it.

♪ Everybody's got it.

♪ Everybody's got
something I want. ♪

(SIGHS)

What's this for?

Uh, washing line in Hendo.

What happened to Blockhouse Bay?

Uh, I had to go to the shops.

What kind of shops?
The bookshop.

What, did you need a card for
your mum or something or...?

No, I wanted to buy a book.

Oh, you went to buy
a book, uh, to read?

Well, no,... to learn Russian.

Why in hell would you
want to learn Russian for?

Well, cos, um, Elena's Russian.

I talked to her, but it was
real hard, so I figure if
I learn Russian—

So you've seen her?

No, I talked to her on the phone,
like Wayne said, right,

but, bro, the way that she
had to get off the phone —

it was real— it was, like, worrying,
you know. So I was thinking—

No.

You didn't even listen to
what I was going to say.

So I was thinking that we
could go around there, right.

If Roy's there, you say the Tools
need help with floor sanding,...

PHONE RINGS

...because—
I can't do that.

Well, why not?
Cos I've gotta look after Hemi.

He can stay here.

Bro, I can't leave him behind.

We could just leave him in the car.

See, now I missed it.

So?

If we don't pick up, they
might go somewhere else.

Who cares, man?

It's just a job, and
I need your help.

Bro, this is how we make a living.
Yeah, I know.

Someone's gotta watch things.
You're busy going off about
a girl you can't talk to.

Oh, after you, then, Munter.
Yeah, Hemi's clothes. d*ck.

How are you gonna learn Russian when
you can't get to Blockhouse Bay?

How are you gonna make me hear
you when I can't listen and hear?

Oh, yeah, real f*cking grown up.

So what, you cock?

(SIGHS)

PHONE BEEPS

PHONE RINGS

Judd Security.

Yeah, it's Munter here.

Look, I asked you to do one thing,
and that's to calm Van down. And
did you do that?

What's going on, Munter?

Well, whatever you did,
he's gone even more mental.

Munter, I tried to do what
I thought was right. And as far
as I'm concerned, the job is done.

If you're not happy with
that, too f*cking bad.

SOMBRE MUSIC

ALARM BEEPS

[ ENGINE STARTS

Hi.
Good morning.

Oh, wow. That's a beautiful dress.

Thank you.

When's the big day?

Elena may not have understood you.
Her English isn't very good.

(SPEAKS RUSSIAN)

(SPEAKS RUSSIAN)

Um, she said it's a little bit
tight. Can you have a look at it?

Certainly.

Are you her fiance?

Yes, I am.

Oh, I wasn't meaning that in a bad
way. My fiance's a bit older too.

So, when are you tying the knot?

Oh, we haven't actually
set a date yet.

How about you?

When she's happy with the dress.

Isn't it bad luck for the groom to
see the dress before the big day?

Oh, I'm not superstitious, and
she wants it to be just right.

It's based on a gown
of Arwen Evenstar.

Oh, I don't think I know her.
Lord of the Rings.

Oh. (LAUGHS)

That's actually where
we met — on a fan site.

Oh.
We just started chatting.

That's amazing.

She is, given the life she's had.

Uh, she's an orphan, but she's
never let it hold her back.

When I said, 'Will you be
mine forever?' in Elvish,...

couldn't believe it
when she said yes.

How's it—? How's it
all going in there?

♪ Reminiscing.

♪ Just reinflicting.

♪ I'm a-crumbling.

Elena.

♪ Shadow dance.

♪ Dead melodies

♪ or the heart is
staying soft, man.

♪ Heart is staying soft, man.

♪ This thing's inevitable.

♪ This thing's inevitable.

♪ This thing's inevitable.

♪ Something's inevitable.

♪ I feel it's growing old.

♪ My blood is running cold. ♪

INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ]

WHISPERS: Hi.
(GASPS) Oh! Oh!

It's OK. It's OK. It's just me.
It's just me. Yeah, I'm here.

Shh.

OK, OK, OK. But I have to say
something to you. Um, um...

(LAUGHS)

Uh, um...

Yah...

Sorry.
It's OK.

(CHUCKLES) Ya... Ya ser-yo-zen.

Oh, sorry.
Ya ser..

Ya ser— I'm serious about you.
OK.

Yeah? And one more. One more.

Um, uh...

Ya lyub... blyu ti... bya.

No.
Ya l...

Ya...
Ya lyublyu tibya.

I love you.

And you are...
...choice.

Yeah, choice.

Choice.
ROY: Elena. ]

Mm.

Were you talking to someone?

No.

Look, I have to go, but would you
like some lunch? Uh, a sandwich?

Oh, it is OK. I will make.

[ CELLPHONE RINGS

What the hell?
Jesus Christ!

No, no. I wasn't doing anything.

You pervert!
I'm not a f*cking pervert.

No!
Bloody bastard!

No!

Piss off, man.
I am calling the cops.
Don't make a move.

This is a genuine replica.

No, no! Do not hurt.

Stay right there.

OK.

What are you baking? Smells good.
Yeah.

PHONE RINGS

Yeah, Tool Guys.

Hey, it's me.

Bro, I hope you're not in Blockhouse
Bay, cos your chance is gone.

Nah, I'm, uh...

I'm at the cop shop, actually.

Why?

I got arrested.

What the f*ck for?

Uh, they're talking home invasion.

Jesus, what did you do?

Hey, love.
How are you doing?

Cool. Hey, your mate
makes really good afghans.

Mm. He's, um, particularly
good at the icing.

Sure is.
(LAUGHS)

What's the joke?

Oh, you, possibly, Draska.
You're pretty f*cking hilarious.

(LAUGHS)

Where's my money, ret*rd?
What money?

You still owe me.

Up your bum, Draska.

CHERYL, DEBZ LAUGH

You won't get any more from me.

Who gives a sh*t? I'm sweet.

You can't walk away from me, fatso.

Hey, word of advice, Draska:

if you wanna stay in business
and keep your customers happy,

it's usually a good idea to
be a more f*cking polite.
Piss off, Cheryl.

Well, you know, treat people with
respect, you'll get some back.

You don't tell me what to do.

We are not at your stupid house now,
do you don't make up all the rules.

You know what? It's been... (SNIFFS)

lovely chatting with you (!)

Hey. Sorry, I'm all out, but I'll
let you know when I'm back in stock.

PHONE RINGS
Wayne Judd.

Van's been arrested.
What?

I told you it would go bad. And
I burnt my cookies. Man, Mrs West
is so not gonna be happy about that.

What's this got to do with Cheryl?

Oh, well, they're for her.

What kind of cookies, Munter?

Black forest chocolate chip,
so they're rich but mellow.

You're giving her dope cookies?

I don't think we should have this
conversation on my business line.

How are you getting them in?

I'm not at liberty to say,
and you can stay away from Van,

because he needs real
help, not sh*t help.

Hi, Van.

What are you doing here?

I had a call from Munter
saying you needed a lawyer.

I don't need you.

You broke into a house.
What the hell were you thinking?

I didn't break in.

The window was open.

I was just trying
to talk to someone.

Oh, Elena?

Yes.

(SCOFFS)

I've spoken to the duty sergeant.

They have a statement from the girl.
They're gonna go with trespass.

So?

Van, whatever you think you're
doing with this girl, you need
to get control of yourself, OK?

Do you hear me?

DOOR BUZZES

Heya.

How's tricks?

Not great. Van's been arrested.

What the hell are you doing
here if Van's been arrested?

While I was making my way here,

I got some other news.

I just wanna know why Munter is
making his mum's special-cookie
recipe for you.

Cos I asked him to.
Oh, Jesus, Cheryl!

Come on, it's making people happy,
and God knows we could do with a
little bit of that around here.

You already got them in?
Yeah, all gone now.
Went like hot cakes.

You sold them?

To cover costs and
a little percentage,

and I'm not having Draska bloody
Doslic standing over everybody
ripping them off.

So that's what this is all about.

No, it was a bonus prize.

Also meant I didn't
have to smack her one.

What if you get caught?

Oh, come on. I'm already
in here for m*rder.

What's a little bit
of dope gonna do?

It's not legal.

So what?

Those are your rules.

OK, from where I'm sitting right
now, there is a whole different
world of right and wrong,

and not everything
is black and white.
sh*t.

Look, I know you did time,
but not this long,

and not feeling like every
bloody day was a waste of time.

You know, I'm making things better
in here, not worse, and I feel good
about that.

I'd better go and ring
someone about Van.

He's lucky it's a misdemeanour,
but he'll still have to appear.

LORETTA: Van went there
with a phrase book?

So he could speak Russian.

(LAUGHS)

How's it funny?

Van buying a book. Van thinking
that he can learn Russian.

Oh, come on. Lighten up.

What about when Van goes back there?
It won't be trespass next time.

(GROANS)
Look, Mum's sh1tting herself.

Gidday, Wayne.
What's going on?

We're having a top-level summit
about Van and the Russian bride.

Uh, he wasn't at the cop shop.

Yeah, we're aware of
that. He got bail.

Look, what we need is a roster,
OK, so we can keep an eye on him.

We can divide it into half days
or quarter days. I'll put in
a job sheet.

Really?

Yeah, what's so weird about that?

It's just that it
sounds almost organised.

You're not the only one
who can organise stuff.

Tool Guys has been running heaps
smoother since we got sh*t of you. ]

[ I got sh*t of you, actually.

I think Munter's idea is good.

You want us to look out
for Van around the clock?

Yeah, some of us have lives.

Yeah, but we can't risk Van doing
something stupid before Mum's trial.

In case he makes front page
being an idiot?
It could happen.

No, this is just you
being a big swinging d—
It's got nothing to do—

I'll talk to Van.

You? Yeah, you've been
a big help so far (!)

Van is not a kid that
needs babysitting.

No, he's a moron that gets arrested.

No, he's just doing
what he thinks is right.

It's got f*ck all to do with you.
Anyway, it might not work out.

Roy is really keen on Elena.
She is not a Russian ho bride.

How do you know that?

I talked to him in a shop.

You followed them?
Not in a bad way.

Jesus, Pascalle. ]

You don't need to talk to me like
that, like I'm some kind of idiot.
I'm not.

You are. Even if you think I'm
wrong, I did what I thought I
should,

even if it is hope, so f*ck you.

Top work, Wayne.

You can all do what you bloody like,
but I need a word with you.

We're a bit busy here.

Would you rather I discussed your
arrangements with Cheryl right here?

I'm guessing you're the one who
supplied her with contraband.

I'm not happy about this either.

Then why are you doing it?

Well, she's a hard
woman to say no to.

I am aware of that.

Look, I'll... I'll
keep it to a minimum.

Oh, a minimum? What the
f*ck does that mean?

I'll limit it.

Oh, fine. You do that. And when it
all turns to sh*t, you can defend
her on dr*gs charges as well.

He throws her from the
house every single day,

and obviously not a single crumb.
KNOCK AT DOOR ]

Damn straight.
Not so much as a lick of the bowl.

f*ck up about the cookies.

All I'm saying is
that it seems unfair.

Tell someone that
f*cking cares, man.

Hello.

Hi.

Uh,... come in.

Come in.

SLEAZILY: Hello.

Oh, piss off.
I've got rights.

I'm your bloody grandfather.

I-I don't stay long.

Uh, just come over here.

Uh, are you OK?

I am sorry for police.

Oh, no, don't worry about that.

I say to them not... per-vert.

It is mistake. You are friend.

That's great.
Yes.

Thank you.
Van.

Yep.

I must say this.

OK.

Roy is good man.

He visit to Russia,
and this is much dollars.

He make gifts and help my family.

I must...

marry him.

No, you don't.
No.

It is duty.

No. F...

No, but I love— I love you.

sh*t.

No, you f*cking—

Ya... Ya lyublyu tibya.

Uh, da.

But you're not... Ya...

You are choice, man.

You're choice.

Oh, f*ck. Y-Y-You don't
have to go back to him.

OK, you can— you can live here with—
with me. This here is mine, and— and
I've got dollars...

No, no, no, no. Don't go.

I must.
Don't— Don't go.

I must.
Uh, nyet.

Da!
Nyet!

Van!

You must move, OK?

SOMBRE MUSIC

KNOCK AT DOOR

I'm sorry if I upset you.

It wasn't you.

And you're not an idiot.

I didn't tell you I was going around
there cos I knew you'd say no.

And I just wanted it
to be real and work out.

Yeah.

I am really really trying to do
what's right, but it's really hard.

And I feel like a big idiot.

That makes two of us.

Hmm.

PHONE RINGS

You should get that.

Van, what's up?

Look,...

I love her, OK?

And I think she loves me,
because she kissed me again.

Well, and... and she said she did.

You're not arguing.

I believe you, Van.

She shouldn't have to marry
him for— for money and duty.

I mean, it's the th century.

You're right.
I am.

Sure.

But what are you gonna do about it?

Well, if I do anything, then I'll
get— I'll get Jethro yelling at me,
and Munter hassling me.

And I don't wanna
get Mum in trouble.

SIGHS: OK, well, we need
to find a away around that.

We do?

Yeah. We do.

Everything OK?

Yeah. Good.

I had a whole cookie.
Oh.

I think it was a strong one.

Uh-oh, here's trouble.

Think you're really
smart, don't you?

Why's that, Draska?

Don't undercut me.

Why? Cos you've got
mates like that screw?

f*ck you, Cheryl.
(LAUGHS)

Leave her alone.
Did you say something, ret*rd?

Yeah, I said, 'Leave Cheryl alone.'

Yeah, and you owe me money, ret*rd,
and I won't be forgetting that.

I'm not gonna pay you. Not ever.

And I want you to apologise for what
you said about Mary and me. I love
her, and I want to be with her.

Oh my God, you lezzies
are so f*cking pathetic.

Don't walk away from me, ho!

OK.

What did you say?

You're an evil f*cking bitch.
It's no wonder that Paulie
guy dumped you.

(SCREAMS)

I got her, Cheryl. I got her.

Debz, put it down. Put it down!

(YELPS)
ALARM WAILS

It's OK, I get to go to real
prison. I get to see Mary.

Stay the f*ck away from me!

Look, I'll give it my best sh*t, OK?
But I need you to stay here.

OK.

INDISTINCT CONVERSATION

I understand your position,
but I also feel for my stepson.

He's a good boy— I mean, a
good man, not a home invader.

Elena already said that to the cops.

This is kinda awkward, but I think
there's some sort of attachment
between them,

and if she was to go, we would
want to pay you back the money
you've spent.

You think I bought her?

Well, expenses and
travel and all that.

Who the hell do you think you are
coming into my house saying this
kind of crap?

I'm sorry.

I know what people are thinking:
'Oh, what's he doing with that
beautiful girl?

'Who's he trying to kid?' Well,
let me tell you, I don't care what
people think, because I love her.

OK. Sorry to have bothered you.

Look,...

I don't want the lad
to be in any trouble.

Well, that's good of you.

But you tell him that he
never comes around here again.

He stays right away, and he
never contacts Elena again.

All right?

So how'd it go?

Not so great.

sh*t.

Oh well, at least you tried, eh?

Elena.

Elena.

[ Hi.
Van.

[ Hi.
Van, no.

Shh.

Just—
Van.

No, just— just listen.

Listen. Just listen.

OK. ]

Um,...

Elena,...

Ti viy-desh za me-nya?

What? Sorry.

[ No, it's OK.

Um,...

Ti... Ti viy... desh za me-nya?

Will you marry me?

Oh.

Van.

I cannot.

OK.

OK, but that— that's
not like a 'nyet'.

So say 'da'.
(GIGGLES)

Say 'da'.
Say 'da'.

(GIGGLES) Da.

Da?
Da.

BOTH GIGGLE

ROMANTIC MUSIC

(BLOWS KISS)

(GIGGLES)

I know she loves me.

Guess I'll just have
to suck it up, eh?

Sure you're OK?

Da.

That's Russian for 'yes'.
Oh.

ENGINE STARTS

It's not that hard, Russian, eh.

They put it all in one
little phrase book.

HELLO SAILOR'S
'GUTTER BLACK' PLAYS

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.' ♪

MUSIC CONTINUES