01x14 - Episode 14

[bunniefuu]

I think we should lose
this paragraph on page .

It's unnecessary
and confusing.

I completely agree.

What about this character's
vacation to hawaii?

To me, it came completely
out of left field.

The hawaii trip did
seem like a first idea.
Let's cut it.

Yes. Still, it needs something,
my feathery friend.

Why don't we replace a vacation
to hawaii with a trip to the...

Funeral! Funeral!

Yes, good idea.

The book was lacking
in funerals anyway.

Have you read
the last chapter yet?

God, no!
Neither have i.

He never ends a book well
anyway.

Both: cut the last chapter!

What about this jacket?
To me, it's obvious.

It screams "book."

I trust you.
Let's lose it.

Done -- we need a break.
Let's take a walk.

Right!
Left!

Door.
Open.

Exit!
Exit!

And turn! And turn!

How do you feel
about that mailbox?

Hmm. Too red.
Lose it!

Feelings about
the paper box?

Like the box,
hate the headlines.

Lose the news!

What do you think
about that bike there?

I like it.

I think this neighborhood
would look good in a fire.

Lose the fire hydrant.

Bingo!
Bango!

Bongo! Bongo!

There's something missing
in this area.

It needs a bit more red.
Gain the flowers!

Nice touch.

Nice-looking band.

But a bad-looking
bass player.

Nix him! Nix him!

Oh, that bench.

Get rid of it! Get rid of it!

Ahh.

Nice-looking couple.

I like the girl.
Hate the guy.

Strike him! Strike him!

I meant to tell you
about your jacket.

Unnecessary.
Lose it.

Consider it gone.

And your shoes. I like them,
but I'm feeling cantankerous.

Your belt --
don't like it.
Strike it.

It's gone.

Better take your pants off --
make it easier.

Pass the peas.

Could you pass
the milk?

Would you stop
the world?

We broke up.

You broke up with
your girlfriend?

Yes.

So, who broke up
with who?

Um...it was
a mutual thing.

She dumped him.
Obviously.

No! It was what's deemed was
best for both me and n-n-n...

I can't even say her name.

What is it --
cathy? Sandra?

Susan, right?
Laura.

Aah!

It's not laura.
Aah!

Yes, it's laura.

Aah!

I gotta get away.

Get away from her name.

What?
Get away from laura?

Aah!

I'm sure it's
not laura.
Aah!

It was laura.
Aah!

I know, because I
really liked her.

Did you like her?
I don't like anyone.

Oh, right.

Laura?

Laura!

[ Rock music plays ]

Ouch!

♪ Stop the world, we broke up ♪

♪ I'll get my records,
then I'll get off ♪

♪ Love leaks out
in back of my head ♪

♪ She broke up
and left me for dead ♪

A real tear.

♪ Like a monster truck
across my heart ♪

♪ She did doughnuts
while I watched ♪

Operator, listen,
if you won't cut in,

Will you at least tell me if
she's talking to another guy?

♪ Gonna shave my head
and start again ♪

♪ Join the army, move to spain ♪

Country-and-western music --

I understand it now.

♪ Run through the night,
let it cleanse me ♪

Aah!

[ Guitar solo ]

♪ Girls ♪

♪ Girls ♪

♪ Girls ♪

♪ Girls ♪

♪ Girls ♪

♪ Girls, girls ♪

♪ Girls, girls ♪

Laura?

♪ Girls ♪

♪ Girls ♪

♪ Girls ♪

It was a mutual thing.

♪ Girls, girls, girls ♪

You may be free like her,
but you're not...

Laura.

Oh, hi, bob.

Your friend is here.

She's waiting in the tv room.

Who?

Oh, I'm not going to say.

I will. Laura.

Oh, dear.
What?

Hi.

Oh. Hi.

Would you like to ask
your friend

To stay for some leftover
leftovers?

Mom, haven't you
done enough already?

No.

So?

The reason I broke up with you
is 'cause my dad likes you.

Yeah.

But I just found out
he was only kidding.

Oh.

Yeah.

So?

So?

Well?

Well?

[ Mumbling indistinctly ]

[ Mumbling indistinctly ]

Why don't you ask her if she'd
like to get back together, bob?

Mom!

Okay.

All right.

So, they're
back together.

Who?

Both: enter!

Like the guy.
Like the girl.

Cut the parents!

Your number's up.

Kids need
their privacy.

Ahh!
Young love.

Officially, I guess it's
like we never broke up.

Hmm.
Hmm.

Cut the scene!
Cut the scene!

On the night my daddy died,

I spent the last four or five
hours of his life

Up there in his bedroom
with him.

We settled our differences.

I told him I loved him.

And he made me promise him
that I'd never sell the farm.

Well, I lied.

Huh?

So sue me.
My mother is.

I don't know what her problem
is -- this is great.

I'm sorry I'm late, but I had
the most wonderful experience.

Let's just play golf.

I've got to tell you this.
You'll never believe it.

I was in my study
doing my tax returns,

When all of a sudden, I felt
pangs of pain along my left arm.

Then it started becoming
very difficult to breathe.

Then all of a sudden,
it went black,

And I knew
that I was dead.

But it even got
eerier after that.

In the distance,
I heard organ music.

It was the overture from "joseph
and his technicolored raincoat."

Then I started floating along
a very beautifully lit hall,

And I saw a giant hand --

Beckoning for you
to come forward, right?

Yes! Yes! But before
I could reach the hand --

The next thing you knew,

You were on an operating table
surrounded by doctors.

These doctors told me --

That you'd been clinically dead
for a few moments.

Yes! It was --

The most amazing experience
of your life,

And it's left you even more
aware of how precious life is.

Can we play golf now?

I'm sorry if my
death-and-rebirth
story bored you.

Perhaps if I had some
tits in my story

You would have been
more interested.

Would that have done it?

Now, just a minute.

The first time you came back
from the other side,

I thought it was the most
phenomenal thing I'd ever heard.

And the second time, I thought,
"wow! What are the odds?"

And the next four times,
I thought,

"It certainly is interesting
that it happened so often."

But, lately, I'm bored.

Can we play golf now?

I never thought
I'd hear this from you --

My best friend
bored of all my deaths.

They don't seem to be
bored every time I'm on
"the arsenio hall show,"

But you don't want
to hear about it.

Look at it
from my point of view.
What's your point of view?

Say I had this great
chicken-salad sandwich one day,

And then I called you, and
I told you all about it.
I'd be excited for you.

Say I had a second great
chicken-salad sandwich,

And I told you
about that one.

I'd think, "great! Lunchtime
must be very happy for you."

Now, suppose all I did was eat
these chicken-salad sandwiches,

And at the completion of each
sandwich, I told you about it.

Wouldn't you start
to get bored?
No, I would not
get bored.

Admit it!
You'd get bored!

I wouldn't be bored.
I'd be concerned.

I'd be concerned about your
cholesterol level.

Let's just play golf,
okay, lazarus?

I can't believe

That you're equating my
returning from the dead

With chicken-salad
sandwiches!

What is this freaky obsession
you have with chicken salad?

It's beginning
to scare me.

Oh!
What?

I'm feeling pangs of pain
along my left arm.

A little heart attack?
Yeah, a little heart attack.

I'm finding it
very difficult breathing.

Oh, well, how awful.
I think I'm dying.

Isn't that terrible?

I think I'm...

Oh, no, he's dead.

Oh, no.
Is that it? Huh?

Are you dead again?
Huh? Huh?

Yes, I'm dead again.

Wow! This is neat.

Yeah, nifty.

Come on!
This doesn't impress you?

I've never been
a ghost before.

Well, I've seen it.
Where have you seen it?

"The ghost and mrs. Muir."

That was a movie.

Was that a movie first?

You are so stupid.

Yeah, I'm stupid.
I'm a moron.

Okay, fore!

Wow! That was neat!

Yeah, right.

Did you find the first moon
landing boring?

Give me a call when you're
alive again.

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

Ignoramus!

I guess I better
go call the ambulance.

[ Slow jazz music plays ]

There are three things
I don't like --

Crazy cars, crazy kids,
and birds.

The first two, I avoid.

The last, I eat.

Oh, me?

I'm a cat.

[ Meows ]

: A.m.

I'm out in the backyard
by the big tree --

You know, the big tree,

The cornerstone of my life,
my big leafy friend.

There's a bird around,

But he's sticking
to the upper branches,

So I'm staying real still,
motionless.

In fact, when there's
a bird around,

I like to pretend I'm a log.

Yeah, that's it -- a log.

'Cause logs are still.

They don't move.

Take it, boys.

[ Meows ]

[ Meows ]

[ Meows ]

[ Meows ]
oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

: .

My being-still-log scheme
is paying off big-time.

The bird comes in for a landing.

When a bird comes
in for a landing,

I don't do anything
except watch it.

I watch the bird come
in for a landing.

What would I watch -- the tree?

Anyway, he's real close now,
between and yards.

I'm not great with distances.

But I do know instincts,
so I pounce!

Eh, the bird flies up.

Me, I can't.

I can't fly.

Cats can't fly.

Whoosh!
You people, I swear.

Well, you don't have to tell me.

It's hell being a cat.

Take it, boys.

[ Meows ]

I'm a golf pro, so, obviously,
I wake up in the garbage.

First thing I do
in the morning

Is go across the street
to the restaurant,

Grab a guy by the throat

And whisper something
in his ear like --

Oh, I don't know -- "I'm on
fire. Give me your hair."

Then I let him go, you know.

I chase a bus for a while,
you know -- couple a blocks.

Make sure it's not doing
nothing I don't like.

Then I let it go.

When I get bored,
then I go up on a roof.

I just howl at the city.

You know, I love to howl
at this big city.

Then I come down, have a cup of
coffee, and read the paper.

Me?

I'm a songwriter, you know,
and that isn't easy,

Although I've had
some success in the past.

I had a song on the charts
back in ' .

Maybe you remember it.

♪ If you need someone
to da da da ♪

♪ Da da dum ♪

♪ Rabunda ♪

It was called "rabunda."

Well, ever since then,
I've just been plugging away,

Trying to come up with
number two, 'cause I'm
sure I've got it in me.

And so what I do is every day I
get up, and first thing,

I rewrite my hit -- write it out
on brand-new paper

And give it a brand-new name.

And then I send it out that way,
out towards the industry.

And then I go back home, have
a cup of coffee, read the paper.

My routine?

Sure, sure, no problem.
Um...

Okay, first thing
in the morning, I wake up.

And then I get up.

And then, uh...i have a shower,
usually.

And, um...

Oh, and then I get dressed.

And, uh,
I put on a nice new shirt.

And then I take out
my zippo lighter,

And I light my shirt on fire.

It burns up.

And then the ambulance comes,
and, uh...

And then it takes me
to the hospital.

And then the doctor comes out --
yeah, the doctor --

And he works on my burns
for a while.

And, uh, then after that,
I get to go to the waiting room,

Where I have a cup of coffee,
and I read the paper, relax.

Well, first thing I like to do
in the morning is wake up.

Then I brush my teeth.

I'm always late, so I
like to get dressed as
I run for the bus --

Pull on the pants, the
shirt, the whole thing, right?

I don't wear underwear,
so that one saves time.

No matter how late I am, I
always stop at the corner store

For a coffee to go and a paper.

I don't d*ck around, right?

You know, I'm talking about
a coffee the size of my head.

Well, I'm a surgeon,
so my days are very busy.

But my mornings are great.

What I like to do
is take a nice shower,

Go down, have a light
breakfast -- always fat-free --

Hop in my bmw and drive to work,
slow and easy.

And when I get to the hospital
it's boom! The nurse is there.

Boom! On with the gown.

Boom! I'm handed my favorite
scalpel.

Boom! Then I work on a guy who
lights his shirt on fire.

Then it's off with the gown,
down to the morgue,

And I have my favorite cup of
coffee, and I read my newspaper.

Here's your shirt,
norman.

Oh, thanks, patty.

Have a nice day.

Uh, class?
Uh, class?

Class, I think we're all gonna
enjoy -- enjoy today's lesson,

Uh, because today,

W-w-w-we're gonna start to
look at the, uh, mesozoic era.

And, uh, this is a-a personal
favorite of mine.

It's my favorite era
on the earth's history.

I-it holds a lot of fond
memories for me, even --

Even though I was h-hardly more
than a-a boy at the time.

Okay, moving along, uh,
the mesozoic era,

O-o-or t-t-the age of reptiles,
a-as it is known,

W-which lasted for about
million years,

Followed the, uh, paleozoic.

And, uh,
during this period of time,

The earth began
to look pretty much --

Pretty much the way
it does today.

Ah, yes!

Mckeckney, you've got
a question. Terrific.

Yes, sir.

About the mesozoic era,
would it be fair to say that...

Uh...class?

[ Snaps fingers ]

Class?

Darling!
[ Foreign accent ]
darling!

So, how do I look?

Beautiful.

As beautiful as you looked all
those years ago in budapest.

Some wine?
Thank you.

Those were heavy times,
were they not?

You eluding the kgb, and me
with orders to assassinate you.

But you failed to complete
that mission, didn't you, dear?

How could I k*ll the only man
I've ever really loved?

How long can you stay?
Not long.

Just a few more stolen moments
of our forbidden love.

Why don't we run away
from the world and be married?

No, they would never
leave us alone.

Damn them!
Damn them all!

Damn them all, indeed.

Damn!

Why must their cold w*r
interfere with our hot love?

Their cold w*r gradually taking
away heat energy from our love,

Increasing the temperature
of their w*r,

While decreasing the temperature
of our love

Until the two reach a mean,
or average, temperature,

At which point
it sort of levels out and --

Darling, don't talk to me
of thermodynamics.

Talk to me only of love.

Come to me! Come to me!

Darling!
Yes, yes.

Uh, yes,
m-m-mckeckney.

Y-you have a question?

Yes, sir.
If she really loved you,

Wouldn't she leave her life
of intrigue behind

And come and live with you
in a bungalow?

Well, i-i --
uh, honey.

No, please,
I must k*ll.

No, dear.
L-let me, dear.

That's a v-very interesting
question,

But it's very similar
to asking igneous rock

To become a-a-a
sedimentary rock,

Which, although not impossible,
would take a very long time

And would require calling
into play all of the
agents of erosion,

Which we all know are...

You're still --

You're still the best.

Darling. Darling.

[ Siren blaring ]

No, they found us out.
We are undone.

Quickly --
you must run.
No,
I'm tired of running.

In my tooth is a
cyanide capsule, and
when I bite down on it,

I will end it all here
in your arms.

No.
No, drop it!

Drop it, drop it!
Bad girl!

Drop it, drop it!
Drop it!

Oh, darling.

[ Bell rings ]

Uh, class, um...be sure --

Be sure to read
the first three chapters

Of the new text as homework.

[ All groaning ]

I can make it four,
mr. Bellini.

And, uh, feel free
to read ahead, for...

Tomorrow you may die.

Men: cut the scene!

[ Sighs ]
what should we cut now?

What about us?
We're not interesting anymore.

We never were.
We bore we.

Lose us! Lose us!

Both: friends, romans,
countrymen, lend us your ears!

We come to bury caesar...