02x11 - Episode 11

[bunniefuu]

Want to know something?

Want to know something?
It's a fact!

Want to know something?
It's a fact!
Well, beethoven's fifth symphony

It's a fact!
Well, beethoven's fifth symphony
was inspired by beethoven's

Well, beethoven's fifth symphony
was inspired by beethoven's
fifth orgasm.

Was inspired by beethoven's
fifth orgasm.
[ Beethoven's fifth symphony

Fifth orgasm.
[ Beethoven's fifth symphony
plays ]

It's true!

It's true!
It's a fact!

Some people look at a flag

Some people look at a flag
swaying in the breeze at the

Some people look at a flag
swaying in the breeze at the
white house, and they say,

Swaying in the breeze at the
white house, and they say,
"that's america."

White house, and they say,
"that's america."
Me?

"That's america."
Me?
Whenever I see an american flag

Me?
Whenever I see an american flag
hung in the window of a basement

Whenever I see an american flag
hung in the window of a basement
apartment by guys who have

Hung in the window of a basement
apartment by guys who have
better things to do with their

Apartment by guys who have
better things to do with their
money than buy curtains, I say,

Better things to do with their
money than buy curtains, I say,
"that's america to me."

Money than buy curtains, I say,
"that's america to me."
In america, there are states.

"That's america to me."
In america, there are states.
Or maybe it's by now.

In america, there are states.
Or maybe it's by now.
Does england count?

Or maybe it's by now.
Does england count?
I'm not quite sure.

Does england count?
I'm not quite sure.
The one thing I am sure of,

I'm not quite sure.
The one thing I am sure of,
though, is if I'm standing in a

The one thing I am sure of,
though, is if I'm standing in a
warehouse beside a time clock,

Though, is if I'm standing in a
warehouse beside a time clock,
and a guy is punching in for his

Warehouse beside a time clock,
and a guy is punching in for his
best friend, who is too hungover

And a guy is punching in for his
best friend, who is too hungover
to get out of bed, I'm standing

Best friend, who is too hungover
to get out of bed, I'm standing
in america, the makeover capital

To get out of bed, I'm standing
in america, the makeover capital
of the world, the place where

In america, the makeover capital
of the world, the place where
every young man has to answer in

Of the world, the place where
every young man has to answer in
his heart the question, "what

Every young man has to answer in
his heart the question, "what
do you love more, your

His heart the question, "what
do you love more, your
girlfriend or your car?"

Do you love more, your
girlfriend or your car?"
And where that young man can buy

Girlfriend or your car?"
And where that young man can buy
a beat-up car for $ and have

And where that young man can buy
a beat-up car for $ and have
to spend $ , to insure it.

A beat-up car for $ and have
to spend $ , to insure it.
Where else can even a paperboy

To spend $ , to insure it.
Where else can even a paperboy
option the film rights to a

Where else can even a paperboy
option the film rights to a
book?

Option the film rights to a
book?
A woman on an assembly line

Book?
A woman on an assembly line
works out her overtime in her

A woman on an assembly line
works out her overtime in her
head to infinity, and at the

Works out her overtime in her
head to infinity, and at the
exact same moment, her husband

Head to infinity, and at the
exact same moment, her husband
gets into a car accident, 'cause

Exact same moment, her husband
gets into a car accident, 'cause
he's looking at a girl in a tube

Gets into a car accident, 'cause
he's looking at a girl in a tube
top...

He's looking at a girl in a tube
top...
In america, where spelling

Top...
In america, where spelling
doesn't count.

In america, where spelling
doesn't count.
People's pets do.

Doesn't count.
People's pets do.
Where else can a guy get a job

People's pets do.
Where else can a guy get a job
riding a whale at marineland but

Where else can a guy get a job
riding a whale at marineland but
in america?

Riding a whale at marineland but
in america?
In america, a guy's girlfriend

In america?
In america, a guy's girlfriend
breaks up with him over the

In america, a guy's girlfriend
breaks up with him over the
phone.

Breaks up with him over the
phone.
So he gets a g*n and kills the

Phone.
So he gets a g*n and kills the
principal.

So he gets a g*n and kills the
principal.
Everyone is sad, until they get

Principal.
Everyone is sad, until they get
the day off.

Everyone is sad, until they get
the day off.
Next week, another guy, another

The day off.
Next week, another guy, another
gal, another "we can still be

Next week, another guy, another
gal, another "we can still be
friends" phone call.

Gal, another "we can still be
friends" phone call.
Uh-oh.

Friends" phone call.
Uh-oh.
The assistant principal gets it.

Uh-oh.
The assistant principal gets it.
And everyone's sad, 'cause they

The assistant principal gets it.
And everyone's sad, 'cause they
don't get the day off, 'cause

And everyone's sad, 'cause they
don't get the day off, 'cause
he's just the assistant

Don't get the day off, 'cause
he's just the assistant
principal.

He's just the assistant
principal.
America...a land of opportunity.

Principal.
America...a land of opportunity.
Yes, that great, lumbering beast

America...a land of opportunity.
Yes, that great, lumbering beast
that journeys tirelessly, stops

Yes, that great, lumbering beast
that journeys tirelessly, stops
only to eat a clubhouse

That journeys tirelessly, stops
only to eat a clubhouse
sandwich, pick its teeth with a

Only to eat a clubhouse
sandwich, pick its teeth with a
matchbook cover, and fall asleep

Sandwich, pick its teeth with a
matchbook cover, and fall asleep
with the tv on...again.

Matchbook cover, and fall asleep
with the tv on...again.
America...a place for americans.

Barney grimaldi, good to see

Barney grimaldi, good to see
you!

Barney grimaldi, good to see
you!
Thanks for coming out today,

You!
Thanks for coming out today,
buddy.

Thanks for coming out today,
buddy.
It's not a good policy.

Buddy.
It's not a good policy.
It's a policy my party opposed.

It's not a good policy.
It's a policy my party opposed.
It's a policy that we intend to

It's a policy my party opposed.
It's a policy that we intend to
reverse when we're elected in

It's a policy that we intend to
reverse when we're elected in
the fall.

Reverse when we're elected in
the fall.
Yeah.

The fall.
Yeah.
And I think we all know how

Yeah.
And I think we all know how
important reading is, don't we?

Mmm!

Mmm!
Hmm, mmm!

Mmm!
Hmm, mmm!
Mmm.

Hmm, mmm!
Mmm.
Mmm!

Mmm.
Mmm!
Mmm! Hmm.

Mmm!
Mmm! Hmm.
Hmm...

Mmm! Hmm.
Hmm...
Mmm!

Hmm...
Mmm!
Mmm!

Mmm!
Mmm!
Mmm! Mmm.

Mmm!
Mmm! Mmm.
Oh.

Mmm! Mmm.
Oh.
Well, ladies and gentlemen,

Oh.
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
it's been an honor to come down

Well, ladies and gentlemen,
it's been an honor to come down
here today to the fairgrounds

It's been an honor to come down
here today to the fairgrounds
and serve as the judge in the

Here today to the fairgrounds
and serve as the judge in the
jam-tasting contest.

And serve as the judge in the
jam-tasting contest.
I thought all the jams were

Jam-tasting contest.
I thought all the jams were
excellent, superb, and I think

I thought all the jams were
excellent, superb, and I think
we should give a hand for all

Excellent, superb, and I think
we should give a hand for all
our contestants.

We should give a hand for all
our contestants.
But if I have to make up my

Our contestants.
But if I have to make up my
mind -- and as a politician I

But if I have to make up my
mind -- and as a politician I
hate to do that!

Mind -- and as a politician I
hate to do that!
I just hate to make up my mind

Hate to do that!
I just hate to make up my mind
because I'm a politician.

I just hate to make up my mind
because I'm a politician.
I'm just so damn indecisive as a

Because I'm a politician.
I'm just so damn indecisive as a
politician.

I'm just so damn indecisive as a
politician.
Then I'll come straight to the

Politician.
Then I'll come straight to the
point.

Then I'll come straight to the
point.
I thought all the jams were

Point.
I thought all the jams were
excellent, but if I have to pick

I thought all the jams were
excellent, but if I have to pick
one -- and I do -- I thought

Excellent, but if I have to pick
one -- and I do -- I thought
number eight had a tiny, little

One -- and I do -- I thought
number eight had a tiny, little
edge there.

Number eight had a tiny, little
edge there.
What?!

Edge there.
What?!
What's going on?

What?!
What's going on?
I-i don't know.

What's going on?
I-i don't know.
You chose a child molester's

I-i don't know.
You chose a child molester's
jam!

Well, that's pretty ironic, I

Well, that's pretty ironic, I
think, considering my heartfelt

Well, that's pretty ironic, I
think, considering my heartfelt
opposition to child molesters

Think, considering my heartfelt
opposition to child molesters
and their craft.

Opposition to child molesters
and their craft.
I think that's ironic.

And their craft.
I think that's ironic.
Does anyone else...see...

I think that's ironic.
Does anyone else...see...
Jack, how did a child molester

Does anyone else...see...
Jack, how did a child molester
get within miles of my

Jack, how did a child molester
get within miles of my
campaign?

Get within miles of my
campaign?
He's here on a day pass.

Campaign?
He's here on a day pass.
He makes jam as part of his

He's here on a day pass.
He makes jam as part of his
rehabilitation.

He makes jam as part of his
rehabilitation.
You knew, and you didn't tell

Rehabilitation.
You knew, and you didn't tell
me?!

You knew, and you didn't tell
me?!
Oops!

Me?!
Oops!
Oh, sorr--

Oops!
Oh, sorr--
[ gasps ]

I'm telling you, you should have

I'm telling you, you should have
told me that guy was in the

I'm telling you, you should have
told me that guy was in the
competition.

Told me that guy was in the
competition.
It was your job to let me know.

Competition.
It was your job to let me know.
I know it's been years, and I

It was your job to let me know.
I know it's been years, and I
hate to keep laboring the point,

I know it's been years, and I
hate to keep laboring the point,
but you should have told me!

Hate to keep laboring the point,
but you should have told me!
Ah, it was just bad luck.

But you should have told me!
Ah, it was just bad luck.
Ooh!

Ah, it was just bad luck.
Ooh!
Have some glue.

Ooh!
Have some glue.
No.

Have some glue.
No.
I got to work on my comeback!

Want to know something else?

Want to know something else?
It's a fact!

Want to know something else?
It's a fact!
The queen of england doesn't

It's a fact!
The queen of england doesn't
know her abcs anymore.

The queen of england doesn't
know her abcs anymore.
♪ A, b, c, d, x, p, q,

Know her abcs anymore.
♪ A, b, c, d, x, p, q,
r, x, y, d... ♪

♪ A, b, c, d, x, p, q,
r, x, y, d... ♪
Hello!

R, x, y, d... ♪
Hello!
♪ R, v...

Hello!
♪ R, v...
♪ Rule, britannia! ♪

♪ R, v...
♪ Rule, britannia! ♪
Sad, eh?

♪ Rule, britannia! ♪
Sad, eh?
She's old.

Sad, eh?
She's old.
It's a fact!

[ Dance music plays ]

[ Dance music plays ]
man, that was close!

[ Dance music plays ]
man, that was close!
Boy, honey, these commercials

Man, that was close!
Boy, honey, these commercials
just keep cutting it close,

Boy, honey, these commercials
just keep cutting it close,
don't you think?

Just keep cutting it close,
don't you think?
I mean, 'cause like, 'cause

Don't you think?
I mean, 'cause like, 'cause
like, 'cause like the camera's

I mean, 'cause like, 'cause
like, 'cause like the camera's
coming up, the camera's coming

Like, 'cause like the camera's
coming up, the camera's coming
up, and her shirt is coming

Coming up, the camera's coming
up, and her shirt is coming
down.

Up, and her shirt is coming
down.
And then, just the last second

Down.
And then, just the last second
her shirt just gets in there

And then, just the last second
her shirt just gets in there
ahead of the camera, or you'd

Her shirt just gets in there
ahead of the camera, or you'd
have seen her tits.

Ahead of the camera, or you'd
have seen her tits.
I swear to god, honey.

Have seen her tits.
I swear to god, honey.
I swear to god.

I swear to god, honey.
I swear to god.
You know, I think, I think, I

I swear to god.
You know, I think, I think, I
think that it's sociologically

You know, I think, I think, I
think that it's sociologically
interesting.

Think that it's sociologically
interesting.
Don't you think that, honey?

Interesting.
Don't you think that, honey?
Don't you think that it's

Don't you think that, honey?
Don't you think that it's
sociologically interesting, hmm,

Don't you think that it's
sociologically interesting, hmm,
hmm?

Sociologically interesting, hmm,
hmm?
Don't you, don't you?

Hmm?
Don't you, don't you?
Don't you think that it sort of

Don't you, don't you?
Don't you think that it sort of
chronicles our changing times?

Don't you think that it sort of
chronicles our changing times?
I do.

Chronicles our changing times?
I do.
I think that.

I do.
I think that.
'Cause, I mean, when I was a

I think that.
'Cause, I mean, when I was a
kid, they'd have, like, a woman

'Cause, I mean, when I was a
kid, they'd have, like, a woman
in a bath, and she'd be, like,

Kid, they'd have, like, a woman
in a bath, and she'd be, like,
suds -- suds up to her ears.

In a bath, and she'd be, like,
suds -- suds up to her ears.
Just suds.

Suds -- suds up to her ears.
Just suds.
You'd have suds and just, like,

Just suds.
You'd have suds and just, like,
the crown of her head.

You'd have suds and just, like,
the crown of her head.
And that's all you'd see.

The crown of her head.
And that's all you'd see.
But now, no suds.

And that's all you'd see.
But now, no suds.
No suds at all now, dear.

But now, no suds.
No suds at all now, dear.
No, no, just the nipples just

No suds at all now, dear.
No, no, just the nipples just
floating under the water.

No, no, just the nipples just
floating under the water.
And you think you can almost see

Floating under the water.
And you think you can almost see
them, almost, but no, you can't

And you think you can almost see
them, almost, but no, you can't
on account of how it's lit.

Them, almost, but no, you can't
on account of how it's lit.
You know, but if they keep

On account of how it's lit.
You know, but if they keep
pushing it.

You know, but if they keep
pushing it.
They just keep pushing it,

Pushing it.
They just keep pushing it,
inching it over, they're gonna

They just keep pushing it,
inching it over, they're gonna
make a mistake sooner or later.

Inching it over, they're gonna
make a mistake sooner or later.
They'll slip up.

Make a mistake sooner or later.
They'll slip up.
Did you know, dear?

They'll slip up.
Did you know, dear?
Did you know that in paris,

Did you know, dear?
Did you know that in paris,
france, you know, europe?

Did you know that in paris,
france, you know, europe?
You know, over there in europe?

France, you know, europe?
You know, over there in europe?
Well, there, they show them in

You know, over there in europe?
Well, there, they show them in
every commercial -- floor wax,

Well, there, they show them in
every commercial -- floor wax,
children's toys, everything.

Every commercial -- floor wax,
children's toys, everything.
And they do that because

Children's toys, everything.
And they do that because
they're, uh...sophisticated.

And they do that because
they're, uh...sophisticated.
They're sophisticated in europe.

They're, uh...sophisticated.
They're sophisticated in europe.
But we're not sophisticated

They're sophisticated in europe.
But we're not sophisticated
here, dear.

But we're not sophisticated
here, dear.
No, but things are changing.

Here, dear.
No, but things are changing.
It's gonna happen, definitely,

No, but things are changing.
It's gonna happen, definitely,
definitely.

It's gonna happen, definitely,
definitely.
You just got to stay awake, stay

Definitely.
You just got to stay awake, stay
alert, you know.

You just got to stay awake, stay
alert, you know.
Honey, honey, is there more --

Alert, you know.
Honey, honey, is there more --
more coffee?

Honey, honey, is there more --
more coffee?
I'd get up, but -- but I can't.

More coffee?
I'd get up, but -- but I can't.
I'll get it.

I'd get up, but -- but I can't.
I'll get it.
Thanks, honey.

I'll get it.
Thanks, honey.
It's just a matter of time.

So, shirley, what did you

So, shirley, what did you
think of the play?

So, shirley, what did you
think of the play?
I liked it.

Think of the play?
I liked it.
You liked it?

I liked it.
You liked it?
I didn't like it!

You liked it?
I didn't like it!
I thought there were too many

I didn't like it!
I thought there were too many
people in it, and none of them

I thought there were too many
people in it, and none of them
me!

People in it, and none of them
me!
Well, I liked it.

Me!
Well, I liked it.
Shirley, you've got an

Well, I liked it.
Shirley, you've got an
hors d'oeuvres on your shoulder.

Shirley, you've got an
hors d'oeuvres on your shoulder.
Do you mind, hon?

Hors d'oeuvres on your shoulder.
Do you mind, hon?
Thanks, babe.

Do you mind, hon?
Thanks, babe.
You know, what did you think of

Thanks, babe.
You know, what did you think of
jeremy in the title role as the

You know, what did you think of
jeremy in the title role as the
rebel commander?

Jeremy in the title role as the
rebel commander?
Wow, I liked it.

Rebel commander?
Wow, I liked it.
Shirley hugo, are you crazy

Wow, I liked it.
Shirley hugo, are you crazy
again?

Shirley hugo, are you crazy
again?
I thought he read gay for the

Again?
I thought he read gay for the
first rows, and after that as

I thought he read gay for the
first rows, and after that as
a woman!

First rows, and after that as
a woman!
Trouble with broadway is there's

A woman!
Trouble with broadway is there's
no stars anymore.

Trouble with broadway is there's
no stars anymore.
Here he is.

No stars anymore.
Here he is.
Ah, girlfriends!

Here he is.
Ah, girlfriends!
What a thrill.

Ah, girlfriends!
What a thrill.
You've come!

What a thrill.
You've come!
Jeremy, darling!

You've come!
Jeremy, darling!
My god!

Jeremy, darling!
My god!
I wouldn't miss opening night

My god!
I wouldn't miss opening night
for the world, babe.

I wouldn't miss opening night
for the world, babe.
You're sweet!

For the world, babe.
You're sweet!
Shirley hugo, is that you?

You're sweet!
Shirley hugo, is that you?
Congratulations, I liked it.

Shirley hugo, is that you?
Congratulations, I liked it.
Aww!

Congratulations, I liked it.
Aww!
Jeremy, I loved it!

Aww!
Jeremy, I loved it!
Oh, you old snapper!

Jeremy, I loved it!
Oh, you old snapper!
Jeremy, this play is

Oh, you old snapper!
Jeremy, this play is
dynamite, and you're the fuse.

Jeremy, this play is
dynamite, and you're the fuse.
Now wait a second.

Dynamite, and you're the fuse.
Now wait a second.
Did you really think I pull it

Now wait a second.
Did you really think I pull it
off?

Did you really think I pull it
off?
Was I sexy?

Off?
Was I sexy?
Were -- jeremy, were you

Was I sexy?
Were -- jeremy, were you
sexy?

Were -- jeremy, were you
sexy?
There wasn't a woman in the

Sexy?
There wasn't a woman in the
house who wasn't as wet as

There wasn't a woman in the
house who wasn't as wet as
spring!

House who wasn't as wet as
spring!
Good.

Spring!
Good.
Shirley thought you were very

Good.
Shirley thought you were very
masculine, and I thought you

Shirley thought you were very
masculine, and I thought you
were, well, less feminine than

Masculine, and I thought you
were, well, less feminine than
usual.

Were, well, less feminine than
usual.
And the word at intermission was

Usual.
And the word at intermission was
tony nomination.

And the word at intermission was
tony nomination.
No!

Tony nomination.
No!
Tony talk all over the room.

No!
Tony talk all over the room.
No!

Tony talk all over the room.
No!
Yes!

No!
Yes!
Knock wood.

Yes!
Knock wood.
God, that's something to hope

Knock wood.
God, that's something to hope
for.

God, that's something to hope
for.
Oh, god, I need a drink.

For.
Oh, god, I need a drink.
I'd love some more booze!

Oh, god, I need a drink.
I'd love some more booze!
Really?

I'd love some more booze!
Really?
And your company.

Really?
And your company.
Thanks, I guess.

And your company.
Thanks, I guess.
Don't guess.

Thanks, I guess.
Don't guess.
Pour!

Don't guess.
Pour!
Here you go, hon.

Pour!
Here you go, hon.
A toast, a toast, a toast!

Here you go, hon.
A toast, a toast, a toast!
To...

A toast, a toast, a toast!
To...
Show business!

To...
Show business!
To...show business?

Show business!
To...show business?
Here you go, hon.

To...show business?
Here you go, hon.
There you go.

Here you go, hon.
There you go.
Oh, poor dear.

There you go.
Oh, poor dear.
Sit down.

Oh, poor dear.
Sit down.
Let's talk.

Sit down.
Let's talk.
Let's talk.

Let's talk.
Let's talk.
Let's dish!

Let's talk.
Let's dish!
Okay, well, you know,

Let's dish!
Okay, well, you know,
alfonsa, one thing that this,

Okay, well, you know,
alfonsa, one thing that this,
you know, whole broadway opening

Alfonsa, one thing that this,
you know, whole broadway opening
has done to me has made me

You know, whole broadway opening
has done to me has made me
really sit back and look at

Has done to me has made me
really sit back and look at
things.

Really sit back and look at
things.
Oh, it does that.

Things.
Oh, it does that.
It does it.

Oh, it does that.
It does it.
Well, you know, here I am,

It does it.
Well, you know, here I am,
the toast of broadway -- the top

Well, you know, here I am,
the toast of broadway -- the top
of the heap, you know -- but

The toast of broadway -- the top
of the heap, you know -- but
what for?

Of the heap, you know -- but
what for?
Oh!

What for?
Oh!
I've got secrets.

Oh!
I've got secrets.
Oh, tell me about it.

I've got secrets.
Oh, tell me about it.
We've all got secrets.

Oh, tell me about it.
We've all got secrets.
Oh, god!

We've all got secrets.
Oh, god!
But old friends shouldn't

Oh, god!
But old friends shouldn't
have secrets.

But old friends shouldn't
have secrets.
No.

Have secrets.
No.
Or they need not call

No.
Or they need not call
themselves old friends!

Or they need not call
themselves old friends!
Oh, that's profound!

Themselves old friends!
Oh, that's profound!
Alfonsa?

Oh, that's profound!
Alfonsa?
Yeah?

Alfonsa?
Yeah?
I'm gonna tell you something,

Yeah?
I'm gonna tell you something,
honey, that I've never told

I'm gonna tell you something,
honey, that I've never told
another living human being.

Honey, that I've never told
another living human being.
Ah, dear.

Another living human being.
Ah, dear.
Come on, tell mama!

Ah, dear.
Come on, tell mama!
I'm gay!

Come on, tell mama!
I'm gay!
I need a drink!

I'm gay!
I need a drink!
You're shocked, aren't you?

I need a drink!
You're shocked, aren't you?
Frankly, yes.

You're shocked, aren't you?
Frankly, yes.
Well, I'm sorry, alfonsa, I

Frankly, yes.
Well, I'm sorry, alfonsa, I
thought you were a woman of the

Well, I'm sorry, alfonsa, I
thought you were a woman of the
world.

Thought you were a woman of the
world.
What is it that shocks you,

World.
What is it that shocks you,
exactly, my honesty?

What is it that shocks you,
exactly, my honesty?
No, your stupidity!

Exactly, my honesty?
No, your stupidity!
I see.

No, your stupidity!
I see.
So maybe I shouldn't have told

So maybe I shouldn't have told
you.
Is that it?

You.
Is that it?
Jeremy, look at yourself.

Is that it?
Jeremy, look at yourself.
Gladly.

Jeremy, look at yourself.
Gladly.
You're an effeminate,

Gladly.
You're an effeminate,
middle-aged actor who prances

You're an effeminate,
middle-aged actor who prances
down park avenue in a

Middle-aged actor who prances
down park avenue in a
full-length fur with a peacock

Down park avenue in a
full-length fur with a peacock
on a leash.

Full-length fur with a peacock
on a leash.
And you really thought we didn't

On a leash.
And you really thought we didn't
know?

And you really thought we didn't
know?
Are you telling me, alfonsa,

Know?
Are you telling me, alfonsa,
that you knew?

Are you telling me, alfonsa,
that you knew?
Jeremy, there's two things

That you knew?
Jeremy, there's two things
you can be sure of finding in a

Jeremy, there's two things
you can be sure of finding in a
manhattan men's room -- no

You can be sure of finding in a
manhattan men's room -- no
toilet paper and your phone

Manhattan men's room -- no
toilet paper and your phone
number!

Toilet paper and your phone
number!
That is a lie, alfonsa.

Number!
That is a lie, alfonsa.
My affairs have been few and

That is a lie, alfonsa.
My affairs have been few and
discreet.

My affairs have been few and
discreet.
Ha ha, jeremy!

Discreet.
Ha ha, jeremy!
You see more dicks than a

Ha ha, jeremy!
You see more dicks than a
catheter!

You see more dicks than a
catheter!
And, believe me, some of those

Catheter!
And, believe me, some of those
catheters have been talking!

And, believe me, some of those
catheters have been talking!
Well, I don't care what

Catheters have been talking!
Well, I don't care what
people say.

Well, I don't care what
people say.
I'm gay, and I'm proud of it.

People say.
I'm gay, and I'm proud of it.
Well, you're the last to

I'm gay, and I'm proud of it.
Well, you're the last to
know.

Well, you're the last to
know.
But, alfonsa.

Know.
But, alfonsa.
Yeah?

But, alfonsa.
Yeah?
Between you and me let's keep

Yeah?
Between you and me let's keep
this officially unofficial,

Between you and me let's keep
this officially unofficial,
okay?

This officially unofficial,
okay?
I mean, I want a career in

Okay?
I mean, I want a career in
hollywood!

I mean, I want a career in
hollywood!
Oh.

Hollywood!
Oh.
I want to be a tv detective!

Oh.
I want to be a tv detective!
Oh, capisce, capisce.

I want to be a tv detective!
Oh, capisce, capisce.
I'm good with g*ns!

Oh, capisce, capisce.
I'm good with g*ns!
Oh, mum's the word, babe.

I'm good with g*ns!
Oh, mum's the word, babe.
And, jeremy, just to keep the

Oh, mum's the word, babe.
And, jeremy, just to keep the
people guessing, I'm gonna do

And, jeremy, just to keep the
people guessing, I'm gonna do
you a big favor.

People guessing, I'm gonna do
you a big favor.
What?

You a big favor.
What?
Hold onto your pants, honey.

What?
Hold onto your pants, honey.
Ra-a-a-a-a-pe!

Hold onto your pants, honey.
Ra-a-a-a-a-pe!
I'm okay.

Ra-a-a-a-a-pe!
I'm okay.
Alfonsa, you put the "broad"

I'm okay.
Alfonsa, you put the "broad"
in "broadway."

Alfonsa, you put the "broad"
in "broadway."
Oh, jeremy, this play's a

In "broadway."
Oh, jeremy, this play's a
hit, and you're the hunky hetero

Oh, jeremy, this play's a
hit, and you're the hunky hetero
hammer!

Hit, and you're the hunky hetero
hammer!
[ Deep voice ] thank you!

Hammer!
[ Deep voice ] thank you!
Ha ha ha!

[ Deep voice ] thank you!
Ha ha ha!
Wow, I liked it!

Ha ha ha!
Wow, I liked it!
Oh, god, the poor girl needs

Wow, I liked it!
Oh, god, the poor girl needs
a drink.

Oh, god, the poor girl needs
a drink.
Doesn't she.

A drink.
Doesn't she.
I've got a suggestion.

Doesn't she.
I've got a suggestion.
What?

I've got a suggestion.
What?
Why don't shirley and I run

What?
Why don't shirley and I run
on over to sardi's, and we'll

Why don't shirley and I run
on over to sardi's, and we'll
meet you there later for a

On over to sardi's, and we'll
meet you there later for a
"martooni" or two!

Meet you there later for a
"martooni" or two!
Only if we have "ti" many!

"Martooni" or two!
Only if we have "ti" many!
Jeremy, you've got it!

Only if we have "ti" many!
Jeremy, you've got it!
And, jeremy, why don't you bring

Jeremy, you've got it!
And, jeremy, why don't you bring
your friend along?

[ Upbeat dance music plays ]

Honey!

Honey!
Did you see that, honey?

Honey!
Did you see that, honey?
Honey, did you see that?!

Did you see that, honey?
Honey, did you see that?!
Did you see that, what happened?

Honey, did you see that?!
Did you see that, what happened?
Did you see what happened?

Did you see that, what happened?
Did you see what happened?
There was a woman, and she's

Did you see what happened?
There was a woman, and she's
drinking cola, and she had no

There was a woman, and she's
drinking cola, and she had no
shirt on.

Drinking cola, and she had no
shirt on.
She had no shi--

Shirt on.
She had no shi--
she could --

She had no shi--
she could --
I mean, you could see -- you

She could --
I mean, you could see -- you
could see everything.

I mean, you could see -- you
could see everything.
You could see nipples, and you

Could see everything.
You could see nipples, and you
could -- well, you could see

You could see nipples, and you
could -- well, you could see
nipples!

Could -- well, you could see
nipples!
That's everything, honey.

Nipples!
That's everything, honey.
I mean, the walls are tumbling

That's everything, honey.
I mean, the walls are tumbling
down, honey!

I mean, the walls are tumbling
down, honey!
I-i'm sorry, dear.

Down, honey!
I-i'm sorry, dear.
I was asleep.

I-i'm sorry, dear.
I was asleep.
What?

I was asleep.
What?
But -- but -- but, honey.

What?
But -- but -- but, honey.
I'm sure they'll play it

But -- but -- but, honey.
I'm sure they'll play it
again.

I'm sure they'll play it
again.
Yeah, you're right.

Again.
Yeah, you're right.
I mean, they have to play it

Yeah, you're right.
I mean, they have to play it
again.

I mean, they have to play it
again.
I mean, yeah.

Again.
I mean, yeah.
I'll get some more coffee.

I mean, yeah.
I'll get some more coffee.
It wouldn't be cost-effective

I'll get some more coffee.
It wouldn't be cost-effective
to produce an ad and just run it

It wouldn't be cost-effective
to produce an ad and just run it
once, would it?

To produce an ad and just run it
once, would it?
Yeah, they'll run it again, and

Once, would it?
Yeah, they'll run it again, and
when they do, I'll be here

Yeah, they'll run it again, and
when they do, I'll be here
waiting.

When they do, I'll be here
waiting.
Waiting to welcome the new age.

Waiting.
Waiting to welcome the new age.
But we got to stay awake, honey.

Waiting to welcome the new age.
But we got to stay awake, honey.
We just got to.

Hi.

Hi.
Hi.

Hi.
Hi.
Uh, we got word that, uh,

Hi.
Uh, we got word that, uh,
richard nixon was watching the

Uh, we got word that, uh,
richard nixon was watching the
show tonight, and we'd like to

Richard nixon was watching the
show tonight, and we'd like to
say hi.

Show tonight, and we'd like to
say hi.
Hi, richard?

Say hi.
Hi, richard?
We're glad you have a tv.

Hi, richard?
We're glad you have a tv.
And we're glad you chose to

We're glad you have a tv.
And we're glad you chose to
watch our show.

And we're glad you chose to
watch our show.
Although we don't agree with

Watch our show.
Although we don't agree with
anything that you stand for.

Although we don't agree with
anything that you stand for.
We are very happy that your

Anything that you stand for.
We are very happy that your
leg is better.

We are very happy that your
leg is better.
Yeah.

Leg is better.
Yeah.
So here's to you.

Yes, I did see that film.

Yes, I did see that film.
I must disagree with you.

Yes, I did see that film.
I must disagree with you.
I didn't find it disappointing

I must disagree with you.
I didn't find it disappointing
at all.

I didn't find it disappointing
at all.
I thought the movie was

At all.
I thought the movie was
"a-ma-zing," absolutely

I thought the movie was
"a-ma-zing," absolutely
"a-ma-zing."

"A-ma-zing," absolutely
"a-ma-zing."
I just can't agree.

"A-ma-zing."
I just can't agree.
Visually, I thought the

I just can't agree.
Visually, I thought the
look of the film was dazzling,

Visually, I thought the
look of the film was dazzling,
and I can appreciate the look of

Look of the film was dazzling,
and I can appreciate the look of
the film, 'cause as you know I

And I can appreciate the look of
the film, 'cause as you know I
dabble in "photo-graphee"

The film, 'cause as you know I
dabble in "photo-graphee"
myself.

Dabble in "photo-graphee"
myself.
I'm aware of that.

Myself.
I'm aware of that.
I thought "eevran zimbaleest

I'm aware of that.
I thought "eevran zimbaleest
j.r. Period" gave a riveting

I thought "eevran zimbaleest
j.r. Period" gave a riveting
performance in the lead.

J.r. Period" gave a riveting
performance in the lead.
Really?

Performance in the lead.
Really?
I liked his work better on the

Really?
I liked his work better on the
old fbi tv show.

I liked his work better on the
old fbi tv show.
All in all, I found the movie

Old fbi tv show.
All in all, I found the movie
a "deli-get-i-full,

All in all, I found the movie
a "deli-get-i-full,
marvel-lousy, eh-fire."

A "deli-get-i-full,
marvel-lousy, eh-fire."
A delightful, marvelous

Marvel-lousy, eh-fire."
A delightful, marvelous
affair?

A delightful, marvelous
affair?
Well, I guess that's where we

Affair?
Well, I guess that's where we
differ.

Well, I guess that's where we
differ.
It's "show-timmy"!

Differ.
It's "show-timmy"!
Ah!

It's "show-timmy"!
Ah!
Evening.

Ah!
Evening.
Thanks for coming down tonight.

Evening.
Thanks for coming down tonight.
How are you doing?

Thanks for coming down tonight.
How are you doing?
You're looking very nice.

How are you doing?
You're looking very nice.
Good evening, everyone.

You're looking very nice.
Good evening, everyone.
♪ And I get no kick

Good evening, everyone.
♪ And I get no kick
from sham-pag-knee ♪

♪ And I get no kick
from sham-pag-knee ♪
champagne.

From sham-pag-knee ♪
champagne.
♪ Mere al-chu-hule -- ♪

Champagne.
♪ Mere al-chu-hule -- ♪
alcohol.

♪ Mere al-chu-hule -- ♪
alcohol.
♪ Doesn't thrill me at all ♪

Alcohol.
♪ Doesn't thrill me at all ♪
♪ so tell me

♪ Doesn't thrill me at all ♪
♪ so tell me
why should it be true

♪ So tell me
why should it be true
that I get a kitchk--

Why should it be true
that I get a kitchk--
kick.

That I get a kitchk--
kick.
♪ Out of you? ♪

♪ So tell me

♪ So tell me
why should it be true

♪ So tell me
why should it be true
that I get a kick out of jew? ♪

Why should it be true
that I get a kick out of jew? ♪
♪ And jew and-a jew ♪

That I get a kick out of jew? ♪
♪ And jew and-a jew ♪
uh, excuse me, what exactly

♪ And jew and-a jew ♪
uh, excuse me, what exactly
do you mean by that?

Uh, excuse me, what exactly
do you mean by that?
"A kick out of you."

Do you mean by that?
"A kick out of you."
It gets a kick out of...

"A kick out of you."
It gets a kick out of...
Not a kick out of jews, of

It gets a kick out of...
Not a kick out of jews, of
course.

Not a kick out of jews, of
course.
Have you got something

Course.
Have you got something
against jews?

Have you got something
against jews?
No, he loves jews.

Against jews?
No, he loves jews.
Big jew lover.

No, he loves jews.
Big jew lover.
But it's just a speech

Big jew lover.
But it's just a speech
impediment.

But it's just a speech
impediment.
He can't help it.

Impediment.
He can't help it.
He hasn't got a clue.

He can't help it.
He hasn't got a clue.
Oh.

He hasn't got a clue.
Oh.
W-well, then, encore!

Oh.
W-well, then, encore!
Yes, encore!

W-well, then, encore!
Yes, encore!
What?

Yes, encore!
What?
"En-core-eh, en-core-eh."

What?
"En-core-eh, en-core-eh."
Ooh, "en-core-eh."

"En-core-eh, en-core-eh."
Ooh, "en-core-eh."
Thank you very much.

Ooh, "en-core-eh."
Thank you very much.
You "pe-oplee" have been a

Thank you very much.
You "pe-oplee" have been a
lovely "audien-key."

You "pe-oplee" have been a
lovely "audien-key."
Thank you and good "nijit."

It's a fact!

It's a fact!
Hello!

It's a fact!
Hello!
When I was a little girl, if a

Hello!
When I was a little girl, if a
child was born with red hair,

When I was a little girl, if a
child was born with red hair,
she was considered irreparably

Child was born with red hair,
she was considered irreparably
evil and drowned as a witch.

She was considered irreparably
evil and drowned as a witch.
It's a fact!

Morning, randy.

Morning, randy.
Hey, how you doing?

Morning, randy.
Hey, how you doing?
Pretty good.

Hey, how you doing?
Pretty good.
Bill, you look better today.

Pretty good.
Bill, you look better today.
Oh, thanks.

Bill, you look better today.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah, you do look better,

Oh, thanks.
Yeah, you do look better,
man.

Yeah, you do look better,
man.
Hey, how you guys doing?

Man.
Hey, how you guys doing?
Morning.

Hey, how you guys doing?
Morning.
Well, another day, another

Morning.
Well, another day, another
eight hours with our arms in a

Well, another day, another
eight hours with our arms in a
t*nk of dead fish, eh?

Eight hours with our arms in a
t*nk of dead fish, eh?
Yep.

t*nk of dead fish, eh?
Yep.
[ Alarm blares ]

So, how was your weekend?

So, how was your weekend?
Not too bad.

So, how was your weekend?
Not too bad.
Didn't do much.

Not too bad.
Didn't do much.
Yeah.

Didn't do much.
Yeah.
Okay, look out.

Yeah.
Okay, look out.
What?

Okay, look out.
What?
Oh, not more orders!

What?
Oh, not more orders!
Yes.

Oh, not more orders!
Yes.
And, randy, do you want to keep

Yes.
And, randy, do you want to keep
your arms in all the way and

And, randy, do you want to keep
your arms in all the way and
don't move them around.

Your arms in all the way and
don't move them around.
There have been complaints.

Don't move them around.
There have been complaints.
I'll tell you.

There have been complaints.
I'll tell you.
There's one guy who's forgotten

I'll tell you.
There's one guy who's forgotten
what it's like to work on the

There's one guy who's forgotten
what it's like to work on the
line, eh?

What it's like to work on the
line, eh?
Damn straight.

Line, eh?
Damn straight.
I'll tell you that for sure.

Damn straight.
I'll tell you that for sure.
Ah, ah, ah, ah!

I'll tell you that for sure.
Ah, ah, ah, ah!
Fish, fish!

Ah, ah, ah, ah!
Fish, fish!
[ Alarm blares ]

Fish, fish!
[ Alarm blares ]
fish, fish, fish!

[ Alarm blares ]
fish, fish, fish!
Okay, arms out, arms out.

Fish, fish, fish!
Okay, arms out, arms out.
Arms in.

Okay, arms out, arms out.
Arms in.
It's those night guys.

Arms in.
It's those night guys.
What do you expect?

It's those night guys.
What do you expect?
They keep hiring teenagers.

What do you expect?
They keep hiring teenagers.
Well, we were teenagers when

They keep hiring teenagers.
Well, we were teenagers when
we got these jobs.

Well, we were teenagers when
we got these jobs.
I know, but it was different.

We got these jobs.
I know, but it was different.
I mean, when the old guys spoke,

I know, but it was different.
I mean, when the old guys spoke,
we listened.

I mean, when the old guys spoke,
we listened.
Yeah, and we cared about the

We listened.
Yeah, and we cared about the
way we kept our arms lying

Yeah, and we cared about the
way we kept our arms lying
motionless in a vat of dead

Way we kept our arms lying
motionless in a vat of dead
fish.

Motionless in a vat of dead
fish.
Right.

Fish.
Right.
Arms up, guys.

Right.
Arms up, guys.
Now what?

Arms up, guys.
Now what?
It's mckim.

Now what?
It's mckim.
Mr. Mckim would like to talk

It's mckim.
Mr. Mckim would like to talk
to you boys.

Mr. Mckim would like to talk
to you boys.
Thanks, wayne.

To you boys.
Thanks, wayne.
Hey, guys.

Thanks, wayne.
Hey, guys.
Sir.

Hey, guys.
Sir.
You know, guys, years ago,

Sir.
You know, guys, years ago,
my great grandfather started

You know, guys, years ago,
my great grandfather started
this company with nothing but a

My great grandfather started
this company with nothing but a
bible, a sack of dead trout, and

This company with nothing but a
bible, a sack of dead trout, and
one other thing -- a belief in

Bible, a sack of dead trout, and
one other thing -- a belief in
people.

One other thing -- a belief in
people.
Now, if there's one thing I've

People.
Now, if there's one thing I've
learned over the years, it's

Now, if there's one thing I've
learned over the years, it's
that my grandfather was wrong.

Learned over the years, it's
that my grandfather was wrong.
Boys, you're laid off.

That my grandfather was wrong.
Boys, you're laid off.
Laid off?

Boys, you're laid off.
Laid off?
Laid off?

Laid off?
Laid off?
Hey, you can't lay us off.

Laid off?
Hey, you can't lay us off.
This is all we know.

Hey, you can't lay us off.
This is all we know.
This is what we are!

This is all we know.
This is what we are!
Yeah, my father and my

This is what we are!
Yeah, my father and my
grandfather did this job...until

Yeah, my father and my
grandfather did this job...until
he got too old.

Grandfather did this job...until
he got too old.
He was sitting here one day, and

He got too old.
He was sitting here one day, and
the fish shifted.

He was sitting here one day, and
the fish shifted.
And he got pulled in right

The fish shifted.
And he got pulled in right
there!

And he got pulled in right
there!
That's got to be worth

There!
That's got to be worth
something.

That's got to be worth
something.
No, not really.

Something.
No, not really.
Hey, hey!

No, not really.
Hey, hey!
Hey!

Hey, hey!
Hey!
Hey, don't worry, randy.

Hey!
Hey, don't worry, randy.
He'll never get this through the

Hey, don't worry, randy.
He'll never get this through the
union.

He'll never get this through the
union.
They're way too strong.

Union.
They're way too strong.
I'm sorry, ferrell.

They're way too strong.
I'm sorry, ferrell.
It looks like the union sold you

I'm sorry, ferrell.
It looks like the union sold you
out.

It looks like the union sold you
out.
What? What?

Boys, boys, boys, boys, look.

Boys, boys, boys, boys, look.
Things change.

Boys, boys, boys, boys, look.
Things change.
Summers, for example, used to

Things change.
Summers, for example, used to
seem so long when you were a

Summers, for example, used to
seem so long when you were a
kid, eh?

Seem so long when you were a
kid, eh?
Yeah.

Kid, eh?
Yeah.
Now they just fly by, right?

Yeah.
Now they just fly by, right?
That's true.

Now they just fly by, right?
That's true.
Buffalo used to roam right

That's true.
Buffalo used to roam right
over there where you catch your

Buffalo used to roam right
over there where you catch your
bus.

Over there where you catch your
bus.
Tina yothers used to be just a

Bus.
Tina yothers used to be just a
little girl --

Tina yothers used to be just a
little girl --
I think what mr. Mckim is

Little girl --
I think what mr. Mckim is
trying to say is that the

I think what mr. Mckim is
trying to say is that the
industry has changed, that a

Trying to say is that the
industry has changed, that a
man, his name, his proud, bare

Industry has changed, that a
man, his name, his proud, bare
arms lying in a trough of dead

Man, his name, his proud, bare
arms lying in a trough of dead
fish just doesn't mean as much

Arms lying in a trough of dead
fish just doesn't mean as much
as the almighty dollar.

Fish just doesn't mean as much
as the almighty dollar.
Isn't that it, mr. Mckim?!

As the almighty dollar.
Isn't that it, mr. Mckim?!
Huh?!

Isn't that it, mr. Mckim?!
Huh?!
Yeah, that'll do.

Huh?!
Yeah, that'll do.
Miss henderson, would you bring

Yeah, that'll do.
Miss henderson, would you bring
in the new machine?

Miss henderson, would you bring
in the new machine?
Machine?!

In the new machine?
Machine?!
We can't be replaced by

Machine?!
We can't be replaced by
a machine.

We can't be replaced by
a machine.
We're craftsmen!

A machine.
We're craftsmen!
[ All shouting ]

We're craftsmen!
[ All shouting ]
no new machines!

[ All shouting ]
no new machines!
No new machines!

No new machines!
No new machines!
No new machines!

No new machines!
No new machines!
No new machines!

No new machines!
No new machines!
[ Machine beeping ]

No new machines!
[ Machine beeping ]
I tell you something, buddy.

[ Machine beeping ]
I tell you something, buddy.
You're standing there so smug.

I tell you something, buddy.
You're standing there so smug.
You, too, can be replaced by a

You're standing there so smug.
You, too, can be replaced by a
machine!

You, too, can be replaced by a
machine!
A machine?

Machine!
A machine?
Ha!

A machine?
Ha!
That's stupid.

Ha!
That's stupid.
Why, that's --

That's stupid.
Why, that's --
aahhh!

Why, that's --
aahhh!
Aahhh!

Aahhh!
Aahhh!
Good god in heaven!

Aahhh!
Good god in heaven!
This is progress?!

Good god in heaven!
This is progress?!
Aahhh! Aahhh!

Ah, let's you and I take a

Ah, let's you and I take a
lovely promenade along this

Ah, let's you and I take a
lovely promenade along this
walkway, shall we?

Lovely promenade along this
walkway, shall we?
Oh, what a lovely day for a

Walkway, shall we?
Oh, what a lovely day for a
walk!

Oh, what a lovely day for a
walk!
It really is.

Walk!
It really is.
Oh, look over there -- a

It really is.
Oh, look over there -- a
clipper.

Oh, look over there -- a
clipper.
Just like the one that phillip

Clipper.
Just like the one that phillip
and I sailed on on our first

Just like the one that phillip
and I sailed on on our first
trip to the new world.

And I sailed on on our first
trip to the new world.
You have such lovely hair,

Trip to the new world.
You have such lovely hair,
especially for a demon.

You have such lovely hair,
especially for a demon.
I love to swim.

Especially for a demon.
I love to swim.
Do you love to swim?

I love to swim.
Do you love to swim?
Oh, look.

Do you love to swim?
Oh, look.
One of those boats with a

Oh, look.
One of those boats with a
colored sail.

One of those boats with a
colored sail.
Isn't that interesting?

Colored sail.
Isn't that interesting?
I can smell the salt in the air,

Isn't that interesting?
I can smell the salt in the air,
even though it's a body of

I can smell the salt in the air,
even though it's a body of
freshwater.

Even though it's a body of
freshwater.
Oh, look at those birds --

Freshwater.
Oh, look at those birds --
nasty birds.

Oh, look at those birds --
nasty birds.
Poop on your head, they will, if

Nasty birds.
Poop on your head, they will, if
you don't watch it.

Poop on your head, they will, if
you don't watch it.
Oh, look.

You don't watch it.
Oh, look.
One of those motorboats.

Oh, look.
One of those motorboats.
Oh, here we are...at the end.

One of those motorboats.
Oh, here we are...at the end.
Now I want you to take these

Oh, here we are...at the end.
Now I want you to take these
lovely trinkets.

Now I want you to take these
lovely trinkets.
Yes!

Lovely trinkets.
Yes!
Rocks.

Yes!
Rocks.
And hold them in your hand.

Rocks.
And hold them in your hand.
... ...

And hold them in your hand.
... ...
Rocks.

... ...
Rocks.
Aren't they lovely?

Rocks.
Aren't they lovely?
Now...jump in!

Aren't they lovely?
Now...jump in!
Come on.

Now...jump in!
Come on.
There we go.

Come on.
There we go.
Into the water!

There we go.
Into the water!
Please?

Into the water!
Please?
There's candy at the bottom.

Please?
There's candy at the bottom.
In we go!

There's candy at the bottom.
In we go!
Come on!

In we go!
Come on!
For the empire!

Come on!
For the empire!
Do it for mother england!

For the empire!
Do it for mother england!
Come on!

[ Water splashes ]