So, honestly, what did you
So, honestly, what did you
eat today?
So, honestly, what did you
eat today?
Muffin.
Eat today?
Muffin.
Kevin, I keep telling you
Muffin.
Kevin, I keep telling you
about muffins.
Kevin, I keep telling you
about muffins.
They're so fattening.
About muffins.
They're so fattening.
Hey, have you guys seen
They're so fattening.
Hey, have you guys seen
scott?
Hey, have you guys seen
scott?
Uh, yeah.
Scott?
Uh, yeah.
Oh, I think he's in his
Uh, yeah.
Oh, I think he's in his
dressing room.
Oh, I think he's in his
dressing room.
Why?
Dressing room.
Why?
Is something wrong?
Why?
Is something wrong?
Yeah, maybe.
Is something wrong?
Yeah, maybe.
There's a rumor going around
Yeah, maybe.
There's a rumor going around
town.
There's a rumor going around
town.
Down at the docks, they're
Town.
Down at the docks, they're
saying scott isn't gay anymore.
Down at the docks, they're
saying scott isn't gay anymore.
What?!
Saying scott isn't gay anymore.
What?!
Yeah.
What?!
Yeah.
I just think we should find out.
Yeah.
I just think we should find out.
They say that ethiopians are
I just think we should find out.
They say that ethiopians are
less trustworthy than the turks,
They say that ethiopians are
less trustworthy than the turks,
but more industrious than the
Less trustworthy than the turks,
but more industrious than the
danes.
But more industrious than the
danes.
They say that the --
Danes.
They say that the --
scott?
They say that the --
scott?
We need to talk to you.
Scott?
We need to talk to you.
Yeah?
We need to talk to you.
Yeah?
People are saying that you're
Yeah?
People are saying that you're
not gay anymore.
People are saying that you're
not gay anymore.
Why, that's ludicrous.
Not gay anymore.
Why, that's ludicrous.
Why, I -- outrage!
Why, that's ludicrous.
Why, I -- outrage!
Oh, that felt wonderful!
Why, I -- outrage!
Oh, that felt wonderful!
Oh, sure.
Oh, that felt wonderful!
Oh, sure.
See you later.
Oh, sure.
See you later.
Okay!
See you later.
Okay!
Hi, guys.
Okay!
Hi, guys.
Well, who's she, scott?
Hi, guys.
Well, who's she, scott?
Yeah.
Well, who's she, scott?
Yeah.
She happens to be a girl,
Yeah.
She happens to be a girl,
who happens to be my friend.
She happens to be a girl,
who happens to be my friend.
So I guess that makes her
Who happens to be my friend.
So I guess that makes her
technically my girlfriend, if
So I guess that makes her
technically my girlfriend, if
you want to be a stickler.
Technically my girlfriend, if
you want to be a stickler.
It's all semantics, really.
You want to be a stickler.
It's all semantics, really.
Girlfriend...fiancée...wife.
It's all semantics, really.
Girlfriend...fiancée...wife.
She's my wife.
Girlfriend...fiancée...wife.
She's my wife.
What?!
She's my wife.
What?!
I'm sure I'm sorry!
What?!
I'm sure I'm sorry!
Scott?
I'm sure I'm sorry!
Scott?
What are we supposed to do?
Scott?
What are we supposed to do?
I mean, first you were gay,
What are we supposed to do?
I mean, first you were gay,
right?
I mean, first you were gay,
right?
Right.
Right?
Right.
And then you were really gay.
Right.
And then you were really gay.
Yeah.
And then you were really gay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh, then he was irritatingly
Okay.
Oh, then he was irritatingly
gay.
Oh, then he was irritatingly
gay.
Oh, yeah.
Gay.
Oh, yeah.
Do you remember that?
Oh, yeah.
Do you remember that?
I don't recall that one,
Do you remember that?
I don't recall that one,
kevin, no.
I don't recall that one,
kevin, no.
And now you're un-gay?
Kevin, no.
And now you're un-gay?
I mean, what are we supposed to
And now you're un-gay?
I mean, what are we supposed to
believe, scott?
I mean, what are we supposed to
believe, scott?
Well, you know.
Believe, scott?
Well, you know.
Listen, lynch mob, I don't care
Well, you know.
Listen, lynch mob, I don't care
what you believe, okay?
Listen, lynch mob, I don't care
what you believe, okay?
I am having a hard enough time
What you believe, okay?
I am having a hard enough time
adjusting to being straight, so
I am having a hard enough time
adjusting to being straight, so
back off!
Adjusting to being straight, so
back off!
Oh, come on, scott.
Back off!
Oh, come on, scott.
Hey, guys, look.
Oh, come on, scott.
Hey, guys, look.
They're in.
So, what's wrong with you?
So, what's wrong with you?
Scott's not gay anymore,
So, what's wrong with you?
Scott's not gay anymore,
mark.
Scott's not gay anymore,
mark.
These are worthless?
Mark.
These are worthless?
I'm afraid so.
These are worthless?
I'm afraid so.
Wait, this is worthless
I'm afraid so.
Wait, this is worthless
stuff?
Wait, this is worthless
stuff?
Uh-huh.
Stuff?
Uh-huh.
My "buddy cole limp
Uh-huh.
My "buddy cole limp
wristies" are worthless?
My "buddy cole limp
wristies" are worthless?
Great!
Wristies" are worthless?
Great!
Ow!
Great!
Ow!
They're worthless, scott!
Ow!
They're worthless, scott!
I'll see you in court!
They're worthless, scott!
I'll see you in court!
Way to go, scott.
I'll see you in court!
Way to go, scott.
Yeah, scott.
Way to go, scott.
Yeah, scott.
You really made mark happy.
Yeah, scott.
You really made mark happy.
I'm sorry.
You really made mark happy.
I'm sorry.
I'm sure I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sure I'm sorry.
I said I was sorry.
I'm sure I'm sorry.
I said I was sorry.
What do you want from me, an
I said I was sorry.
What do you want from me, an
explanation?
What do you want from me, an
explanation?
No, scott, it's not us
Explanation?
No, scott, it's not us
that you have to explain to.
No, scott, it's not us
that you have to explain to.
It's your people.
That you have to explain to.
It's your people.
People, dave?
It's your people.
People, dave?
You're so dramatic.
People, dave?
You're so dramatic.
Yes, your people, scott.
You're so dramatic.
Yes, your people, scott.
You owe them that much.
Yes, your people, scott.
You owe them that much.
I don't owe anybody anything!
You owe them that much.
I don't owe anybody anything!
You owe them!
I don't owe anybody anything!
You owe them!
I don't!
You owe them!
I don't!
You're a hero to these
I don't!
You're a hero to these
people.
You're a hero to these
people.
I don't care!
People.
I don't care!
What do we want?
I don't care!
What do we want?
h*m*!
What do we want?
h*m*!
When do we want it?
h*m*!
When do we want it?
Often!
When do we want it?
Often!
What do we want?
Often!
What do we want?
h*m*!
What do we want?
h*m*!
When do we want it?
h*m*!
When do we want it?
Often!
When do we want it?
Often!
Buddy! Buddy! Buddy! Buddy!
Often!
Buddy! Buddy! Buddy! Buddy!
Buddy! Buddy! Buddy! Buddy!
Buddy! Buddy! Buddy! Buddy!
Buddy! Buddy! Buddy! Buddy!
Buddy! Buddy! Buddy! Buddy!
Buddy! Buddy! Buddy! Buddy!
Buddy! Buddy! Buddy! Buddy!
People.
Buddy! Buddy! Buddy! Buddy!
People.
People, please!
People.
People, please!
Please!
People, please!
Please!
Scott "buddy" thompson has
Please!
Scott "buddy" thompson has
something he'd like to say to
Scott "buddy" thompson has
something he'd like to say to
you all.
Something he'd like to say to
you all.
Scott thompson.
You all.
Scott thompson.
Out of the closets and into
Scott thompson.
Out of the closets and into
the streets!
Out of the closets and into
the streets!
Out of the closets and into the
The streets!
Out of the closets and into the
streets!
Out of the closets and into the
streets!
Out of the closets and into the
Streets!
Out of the closets and into the
streets!
Out of the closets and into the
streets!
Good group!
Streets!
Good group!
Well, it's, uh, funny that you
Good group!
Well, it's, uh, funny that you
should mention that.
Well, it's, uh, funny that you
should mention that.
Because it has recently come to
Should mention that.
Because it has recently come to
my attention...
Because it has recently come to
my attention...
That...
My attention...
That...
I...am not, uh, gay.
That...
I...am not, uh, gay.
[ Audience gasps ]
I...am not, uh, gay.
[ Audience gasps ]
i-i thought I was, but I made
[ Audience gasps ]
i-i thought I was, but I made
a mistake.
I-i thought I was, but I made
a mistake.
Uh, I'm sure I'm sorry.
A mistake.
Uh, I'm sure I'm sorry.
I guess I was in a hurry.
Uh, I'm sure I'm sorry.
I guess I was in a hurry.
Okay, 'nuff said!
I guess I was in a hurry.
Okay, 'nuff said!
What do we want?!
Okay, 'nuff said!
What do we want?!
Come on.
What do we want?!
Come on.
What do we want?!
Come on.
What do we want?!
Scott thompson?
What do we want?!
Scott thompson?
On behalf of the gay and lesbian
Scott thompson?
On behalf of the gay and lesbian
pride-day committee, we will no
On behalf of the gay and lesbian
pride-day committee, we will no
longer be needing you as grand
Pride-day committee, we will no
longer be needing you as grand
marshall for our parade.
Longer be needing you as grand
marshall for our parade.
We're going with our second
Marshall for our parade.
We're going with our second
choice, kevin costner.
We're going with our second
choice, kevin costner.
I'm sorry, but he's not gay,
Choice, kevin costner.
I'm sorry, but he's not gay,
either.
I'm sorry, but he's not gay,
either.
Yeah, but he's really cute!
Either.
Yeah, but he's really cute!
It's okay, scott.
Yeah, but he's really cute!
It's okay, scott.
It's okay.
It's okay, scott.
It's okay.
Look, I think we should get out
It's okay.
Look, I think we should get out
of here.
Look, I think we should get out
of here.
No, dave, I will not flee.
Of here.
No, dave, I will not flee.
It's obvious they still love me.
No, dave, I will not flee.
It's obvious they still love me.
I don't think you've quite
It's obvious they still love me.
I don't think you've quite
gotten them pegged there,
I don't think you've quite
gotten them pegged there,
scott.
Gotten them pegged there,
scott.
k*ll him!
Scott.
k*ll him!
Aahhh!
k*ll him!
Aahhh!
Aahhh!
[ Panting ]
[ Panting ]
oh, we're safe.
[ Panting ]
oh, we're safe.
You know what, scott?
Oh, we're safe.
You know what, scott?
You've done the right thing, and
You know what, scott?
You've done the right thing, and
I'm proud of you.
You've done the right thing, and
I'm proud of you.
Yes, dave, I know.
I'm proud of you.
Yes, dave, I know.
But there's still one person
Yes, dave, I know.
But there's still one person
I've got to tell.
But there's still one person
I've got to tell.
Hold the fort!
I've got to tell.
Hold the fort!
Scott?!
Hold the fort!
Scott?!
Um, s-scott?!
Scott?!
Um, s-scott?!
This is very hard for me,
Um, s-scott?!
This is very hard for me,
luciano, but here goes.
This is very hard for me,
luciano, but here goes.
I'm not gay anymore!
Luciano, but here goes.
I'm not gay anymore!
But we'll still meet on
I'm not gay anymore!
But we'll still meet on
thursdays, won't we?
But we'll still meet on
thursdays, won't we?
Oh, god, yes.
Thursdays, won't we?
Oh, god, yes.
As you were.
Oh, god, yes.
As you were.
That's better.
As you were.
That's better.
I feel cleansed.
That's better.
I feel cleansed.
Teeth!
I feel cleansed.
Teeth!
Luciano, mind the teeth!
Teeth!
Luciano, mind the teeth!
I'm an entertainer, not a chew
Luciano, mind the teeth!
I'm an entertainer, not a chew
toy!
I'm an entertainer, not a chew
toy!
Aah....that's better.
Toy!
Aah....that's better.
Honesty...
Aah....that's better.
Honesty...
Honesty.
Um, so I guess my th
Um, so I guess my th
favorite band would have to be
Um, so I guess my th
favorite band would have to be
the pogues.
Favorite band would have to be
the pogues.
Me too.
The pogues.
Me too.
And, uh, I guess my th
Me too.
And, uh, I guess my th
favorite band is, is aerosmith,
And, uh, I guess my th
favorite band is, is aerosmith,
definitely aerosmith.
Favorite band is, is aerosmith,
definitely aerosmith.
Yeah, me too.
Definitely aerosmith.
Yeah, me too.
Really?
Yeah, me too.
Really?
And my th favorite band --
Really?
And my th favorite band --
it's, uh, it's a toss-up between
And my th favorite band --
it's, uh, it's a toss-up between
several good bands from
It's, uh, it's a toss-up between
several good bands from
scotland.
Several good bands from
scotland.
Do you know what I like?
Scotland.
Do you know what I like?
The rain.
Do you know what I like?
The rain.
It's so romantic.
The rain.
It's so romantic.
Yeah.
It's so romantic.
Yeah.
Gosh, melanie, you look really
Yeah.
Gosh, melanie, you look really
pretty in this light.
Gosh, melanie, you look really
pretty in this light.
Really?
Pretty in this light.
Really?
[ Lightning crashes ]
So do you remember the first
So do you remember the first
time we kissed?
So do you remember the first
time we kissed?
Yeah.
Time we kissed?
Yeah.
It was at choir practice.
Yeah.
It was at choir practice.
Yeah.
It was at choir practice.
Yeah.
And we got caught.
Yeah.
And we got caught.
Yeah, that was so romantic.
And we got caught.
Yeah, that was so romantic.
[ Lightning crashes ]
Yeah, that was so romantic.
[ Lightning crashes ]
yeah, it was romantic.
[ Lightning crashes ]
yeah, it was romantic.
Are you sure we should be in
Yeah, it was romantic.
Are you sure we should be in
your parents' bedroom?
Are you sure we should be in
your parents' bedroom?
Yeah, they're away till
Your parents' bedroom?
Yeah, they're away till
tomorrow.
Yeah, they're away till
tomorrow.
Great.
Tomorrow.
Great.
So do you love me?
Great.
So do you love me?
Yeah?
So do you love me?
Yeah?
Great, 'cause I bought a
Yeah?
Great, 'cause I bought a
condom.
Great, 'cause I bought a
condom.
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
Condom.
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
Are you okay?
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
Are you okay?
Hmm?
Are you okay?
Hmm?
Oh, yeah.
Hmm?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
Why?
Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
Why?
Well, you look pale.
Why?
Well, you look pale.
Oh, no, no, I'm fine.
Well, you look pale.
Oh, no, no, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Oh, no, no, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Well, I guess we should...
I'm fine.
Well, I guess we should...
Begin.
Well, I guess we should...
Begin.
Yeah!
Begin.
Yeah!
Wait.
Yeah!
Wait.
I'll go get changed.
Wait.
I'll go get changed.
Oh, sure, sure.
[ Gasps ]
[ Gasps ]
oh, my god!
[ Gasps ]
oh, my god!
Buster, stop!
Well, don, I have your test
Well, don, I have your test
results here, and, uh, I'm
Well, don, I have your test
results here, and, uh, I'm
afraid the news is bad.
Results here, and, uh, I'm
afraid the news is bad.
You have cancer.
Afraid the news is bad.
You have cancer.
That's it?
You have cancer.
That's it?
Okay, see you.
That's it?
Okay, see you.
Don?
Okay, see you.
Don?
Maybe you didn't hear me.
Don?
Maybe you didn't hear me.
You, uh, have cancer --
Maybe you didn't hear me.
You, uh, have cancer --
terminal, inoperable cancer.
You, uh, have cancer --
terminal, inoperable cancer.
And?
Terminal, inoperable cancer.
And?
And you're going to die.
And?
And you're going to die.
You know, die?
And you're going to die.
You know, die?
The big sleep.
You know, die?
The big sleep.
So that's everything?
The big sleep.
So that's everything?
Great, 'cause I got to meet
So that's everything?
Great, 'cause I got to meet
someone.
Great, 'cause I got to meet
someone.
See ya!
Someone.
See ya!
Don?!
See ya!
Don?!
Maybe you didn't hear me.
Don?!
Maybe you didn't hear me.
You know, when I tell people
Maybe you didn't hear me.
You know, when I tell people
news of this import, they
You know, when I tell people
news of this import, they
usually react badly.
News of this import, they
usually react badly.
You know, they cry to heaven,
Usually react badly.
You know, they cry to heaven,
"why me?" That sort of thing.
You know, they cry to heaven,
"why me?" That sort of thing.
Oh, I'm sorry, doc.
"Why me?" That sort of thing.
Oh, I'm sorry, doc.
I didn't realize I was supposed
Oh, I'm sorry, doc.
I didn't realize I was supposed
to put on a show for you.
I didn't realize I was supposed
to put on a show for you.
Well, not a show.
To put on a show for you.
Well, not a show.
Okay.
Well, not a show.
Okay.
Ooh, I'm dying!
Okay.
Ooh, I'm dying!
Oh, why me?
Ooh, I'm dying!
Oh, why me?
Shut up.
Oh, why me?
Shut up.
Oh, gosh, I'm so young.
Shut up.
Oh, gosh, I'm so young.
Shut up.
Oh, gosh, I'm so young.
Shut up.
So many things...
Shut up.
So many things...
Shut up!
So many things...
Shut up!
I'm sorry.
Shut up!
I'm sorry.
I just thought maybe you needed
I'm sorry.
I just thought maybe you needed
a shoulder to cry on, a friend.
I just thought maybe you needed
a shoulder to cry on, a friend.
Heh-heh, no offense, doc.
A shoulder to cry on, a friend.
Heh-heh, no offense, doc.
I mean, you're a nice guy, but
Heh-heh, no offense, doc.
I mean, you're a nice guy, but
you're, like, the last guy I'd
I mean, you're a nice guy, but
you're, like, the last guy I'd
turn to.
You're, like, the last guy I'd
turn to.
[ Laughs ]
Turn to.
[ Laughs ]
get the hell out of my
[ Laughs ]
get the hell out of my
office!
Get the hell out of my
office!
Sure, now that I'm late,
Office!
Sure, now that I'm late,
thanks.
Sure, now that I'm late,
thanks.
I'm losing my touch.
Thanks.
I'm losing my touch.
Sal?
I'm losing my touch.
Sal?
Send in someone who looks
Sal?
Send in someone who looks
vulnerable.
Send in someone who looks
vulnerable.
Hello.
Vulnerable.
Hello.
You're going to die, die, die!
Hi.
Hi.
Um, one thing I really don't
Hi.
Um, one thing I really don't
like is when people come up to
Um, one thing I really don't
like is when people come up to
me, and they go, "hey, you!
Like is when people come up to
me, and they go, "hey, you!
You're the 'poo guy.'"
Me, and they go, "hey, you!
You're the 'poo guy.'"
"Hey, poo guy, my kids love
You're the 'poo guy.'"
"Hey, poo guy, my kids love
you."
"Hey, poo guy, my kids love
you."
The poo guy.
You."
The poo guy.
I mean, just because I did a
The poo guy.
I mean, just because I did a
commercial for poo doesn't make
I mean, just because I did a
commercial for poo doesn't make
me the poo guy.
Commercial for poo doesn't make
me the poo guy.
I mean, I happened to play a
Me the poo guy.
I mean, I happened to play a
character that happened to sell
I mean, I happened to play a
character that happened to sell
poo.
Character that happened to sell
poo.
I mean, that's not such an odd
Poo.
I mean, that's not such an odd
thing for an actor to do, is it?
I mean, that's not such an odd
thing for an actor to do, is it?
I mean, just because I held a
Thing for an actor to do, is it?
I mean, just because I held a
bowl of poo up neck high --
I mean, just because I held a
bowl of poo up neck high --
well, you've seen the
Bowl of poo up neck high --
well, you've seen the
billboards.
Well, you've seen the
billboards.
Just because I held a bowl of
Billboards.
Just because I held a bowl of
poo up neck high...
Just because I held a bowl of
poo up neck high...
I mean, that's just as valid as
Poo up neck high...
I mean, that's just as valid as
a lot of other parts where you
I mean, that's just as valid as
a lot of other parts where you
don't sell poo.
A lot of other parts where you
don't sell poo.
I mean, I had a small part in
Don't sell poo.
I mean, I had a small part in
"anne of green gables," which
I mean, I had a small part in
"anne of green gables," which
I'm rather proud of.
"Anne of green gables," which
I'm rather proud of.
But people don't come up to me
I'm rather proud of.
But people don't come up to me
and go, "hey! You're that guy
But people don't come up to me
and go, "hey! You're that guy
who had a small part in
And go, "hey! You're that guy
who had a small part in
'anne of green gables.'
Who had a small part in
'anne of green gables.'
Come sign my baby's head."
'Anne of green gables.'
Come sign my baby's head."
Or some such nonsense.
Come sign my baby's head."
Or some such nonsense.
I believe in the product.
Or some such nonsense.
I believe in the product.
I really do.
I believe in the product.
I really do.
I believe that poo products are
I really do.
I believe that poo products are
a wave of the future.
I believe that poo products are
a wave of the future.
And I'm not just saying that
A wave of the future.
And I'm not just saying that
because that's their slogan.
And I'm not just saying that
because that's their slogan.
I believe in it.
Because that's their slogan.
I believe in it.
I wouldn't do an ad for
I believe in it.
I wouldn't do an ad for
something I didn't believe in.
I wouldn't do an ad for
something I didn't believe in.
I wouldn't do an ad for...
Something I didn't believe in.
I wouldn't do an ad for...
Hate.
I wouldn't do an ad for...
Hate.
If they call up and say, "do you
Hate.
If they call up and say, "do you
want to do an ad for evil?"
If they call up and say, "do you
want to do an ad for evil?"
I wouldn't even ask what that
Want to do an ad for evil?"
I wouldn't even ask what that
paid.
I wouldn't even ask what that
paid.
And it was fun.
Paid.
And it was fun.
I was creatively involved.
And it was fun.
I was creatively involved.
You know the way I hold my head
I was creatively involved.
You know the way I hold my head
at that angle?
You know the way I hold my head
at that angle?
That was my idea!
At that angle?
That was my idea!
And they used it.
That was my idea!
And they used it.
See, I'm an artist.
And they used it.
See, I'm an artist.
And sometimes when you're an
See, I'm an artist.
And sometimes when you're an
artist, you've got to do things
And sometimes when you're an
artist, you've got to do things
like that.
Artist, you've got to do things
like that.
I just must work, and I can
Like that.
I just must work, and I can
work.
I just must work, and I can
work.
And if I have to sell a little
Work.
And if I have to sell a little
poo to do it, then...
And if I have to sell a little
poo to do it, then...
I wish people would understand a
Poo to do it, then...
I wish people would understand a
little bit before they scream,
I wish people would understand a
little bit before they scream,
"hey, poo guy!"
[ Doorbell rings ]
Yeah?
Ooh!
Ooh!
Ooh!
Ooh!
Ooh!
Ooh!
Ooh!
Ooh!
Help!
Ooh!
Help!
Ooh!
Help!
Ooh!
Ooh!
Ooh!
Ooh!
Hey!
Ooh!
Hey!
Beating up a guy, eh?
Hey!
Beating up a guy, eh?
Ooh!
Beating up a guy, eh?
Ooh!
Could you go and get help,
Ooh!
Could you go and get help,
please?
Could you go and get help,
please?
Why?
Please?
Why?
Maybe you deserved it.
Why?
Maybe you deserved it.
Yep, yeah, I'm right, eh?
Maybe you deserved it.
Yep, yeah, I'm right, eh?
No such thing as a victim.
Yep, yeah, I'm right, eh?
No such thing as a victim.
Nobody's innocent.
No such thing as a victim.
Nobody's innocent.
That's my experience, I find.
Nobody's innocent.
That's my experience, I find.
Yeah, yeah.
That's my experience, I find.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, what did you do?
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, what did you do?
What, did you call this guy
I mean, what did you do?
What, did you call this guy
shorty?
What, did you call this guy
shorty?
Did you call this guy shorty?
Shorty?
Did you call this guy shorty?
Well, you shouldn't have done
Did you call this guy shorty?
Well, you shouldn't have done
that.
Well, you shouldn't have done
that.
He's probably the leader of the
That.
He's probably the leader of the
group.
He's probably the leader of the
group.
He's probably the leader.
Group.
He's probably the leader.
I mean, uh, the short guys have
He's probably the leader.
I mean, uh, the short guys have
always got something to prove.
I mean, uh, the short guys have
always got something to prove.
You ever notice that?
Always got something to prove.
You ever notice that?
Right, buddy?
You ever notice that?
Right, buddy?
You got a chip on your shoulder,
Right, buddy?
You got a chip on your shoulder,
don't you?
You got a chip on your shoulder,
don't you?
You got a chip on your shoulder,
Don't you?
You got a chip on your shoulder,
right?
You got a chip on your shoulder,
right?
Ooh!
Right?
Ooh!
Hey!
Ooh!
Hey!
Nice one, man.
Hey!
Nice one, man.
Get outta here!
Nice one, man.
Get outta here!
Yeah, you assh*le.
Get outta here!
Yeah, you assh*le.
You're right.
Yeah, you assh*le.
You're right.
You're right.
You're right.
You're right.
I am an assh*le.
You're right.
I am an assh*le.
And the fact that you're getting
I am an assh*le.
And the fact that you're getting
the holy hell kicked out of you
And the fact that you're getting
the holy hell kicked out of you
indicates that you're just like
The holy hell kicked out of you
indicates that you're just like
me, huh?
Indicates that you're just like
me, huh?
That's why you're not getting
Me, huh?
That's why you're not getting
any sympathy here.
That's why you're not getting
any sympathy here.
I mean, do I deserve to get beat
Any sympathy here.
I mean, do I deserve to get beat
up?
I mean, do I deserve to get beat
up?
An idiot like me?
Up?
An idiot like me?
Hell, yes, it's long overdue,
An idiot like me?
Hell, yes, it's long overdue,
hoo-wee!
Hell, yes, it's long overdue,
hoo-wee!
Could I get beat up right now?
Hoo-wee!
Could I get beat up right now?
Yes, sir, yes, sir.
Could I get beat up right now?
Yes, sir, yes, sir.
Shut up.
Yes, sir, yes, sir.
Shut up.
You're right.
Shut up.
You're right.
I should shut up, I should shut
You're right.
I should shut up, I should shut
up, I should just shut up.
I should shut up, I should shut
up, I should just shut up.
I said, shut up!
Up, I should just shut up.
I said, shut up!
All right, but tell me this.
I said, shut up!
All right, but tell me this.
How can you tell, just by
All right, but tell me this.
How can you tell, just by
looking at me, that I hate the
How can you tell, just by
looking at me, that I hate the
kind of music you listen to?
Looking at me, that I hate the
kind of music you listen to?
I want to know.
Kind of music you listen to?
I want to know.
Uh-oh, uh-oh, you're turning on
I want to know.
Uh-oh, uh-oh, you're turning on
me, aren't you?
Uh-oh, uh-oh, you're turning on
me, aren't you?
I've seen that look before.
Me, aren't you?
I've seen that look before.
I saw that look.
I've seen that look before.
I saw that look.
Two weeks ago I saw that look.
I saw that look.
Two weeks ago I saw that look.
Has it been two weeks since I've
Two weeks ago I saw that look.
Has it been two weeks since I've
been beaten up?
Has it been two weeks since I've
been beaten up?
God, I'm overdue.
Been beaten up?
God, I'm overdue.
Do you want me to kick your
God, I'm overdue.
Do you want me to kick your
head in?
Do you want me to kick your
head in?
Hey, no, that hurts, and
Head in?
Hey, no, that hurts, and
besides that, I just got paid,
Hey, no, that hurts, and
besides that, I just got paid,
eh?
Besides that, I just got paid,
eh?
Just got paid, you know, in
Eh?
Just got paid, you know, in
cash, and I certainly
Just got paid, you know, in
cash, and I certainly
wouldn't --
Cash, and I certainly
wouldn't --
uh-oh, there I go, thinking out
Wouldn't --
uh-oh, there I go, thinking out
loud again, eh?
Uh-oh, there I go, thinking out
loud again, eh?
The straw that broke the camel's
Loud again, eh?
The straw that broke the camel's
back, right?
The straw that broke the camel's
back, right?
I know what you're thinking, eh?
Back, right?
I know what you're thinking, eh?
You're thinking, boy, this would
I know what you're thinking, eh?
You're thinking, boy, this would
buy me a lot of, uh, platform
You're thinking, boy, this would
buy me a lot of, uh, platform
shoes, eh, shorty?
Buy me a lot of, uh, platform
shoes, eh, shorty?
Oh, the floodgates have
Shoes, eh, shorty?
Oh, the floodgates have
opened, unless you two guys are
Oh, the floodgates have
opened, unless you two guys are
frigging cowards.
Opened, unless you two guys are
frigging cowards.
Is that --
Frigging cowards.
Is that --
ooh!
Is that --
ooh!
Help!
And when I got my purse back,
And when I got my purse back,
my wallet was still in it.
And when I got my purse back,
my wallet was still in it.
That's great.
My wallet was still in it.
That's great.
You are so lucky!
That's great.
You are so lucky!
Well, if it wasn't for those
You are so lucky!
Well, if it wasn't for those
teenagers, I never would have
Well, if it wasn't for those
teenagers, I never would have
sobered up.
Teenagers, I never would have
sobered up.
That was hyster--
Sobered up.
That was hyster--
that is a great story.
That was hyster--
that is a great story.
Thank you.
That is a great story.
Thank you.
That was a terrific story.
Thank you.
That was a terrific story.
But I think I might have an
That was a terrific story.
But I think I might have an
even better one.
But I think I might have an
even better one.
Oh, really, dear?
Even better one.
Oh, really, dear?
Well, you should tell it.
Oh, really, dear?
Well, you should tell it.
Yeah.
Well, you should tell it.
Yeah.
It was a night just like this
Yeah.
It was a night just like this
one -- lots of atmosphere.
It was a night just like this
one -- lots of atmosphere.
But it was no ordinary night.
One -- lots of atmosphere.
But it was no ordinary night.
It was the night...
But it was no ordinary night.
It was the night...
The night of the cow!
It was the night...
The night of the cow!
There was something going on.
The night of the cow!
There was something going on.
You couldn't taste it or hold it
There was something going on.
You couldn't taste it or hold it
in your hands, but it was there.
You couldn't taste it or hold it
in your hands, but it was there.
It was there in the way that
In your hands, but it was there.
It was there in the way that
mist rolled across the fields
It was there in the way that
mist rolled across the fields
like...mist.
Mist rolled across the fields
like...mist.
[ Neighing ]
Like...mist.
[ Neighing ]
the animals knew what evening it
[ Neighing ]
the animals knew what evening it
was.
The animals knew what evening it
was.
It was the night...
Was.
It was the night...
[ Cow moos ]
It was the night...
[ Cow moos ]
...the night of the cow.
[ Cow moos ]
...the night of the cow.
Ingrid was a heifer.
...the night of the cow.
Ingrid was a heifer.
She wasn't the smartest cow, or
Ingrid was a heifer.
She wasn't the smartest cow, or
the biggest cow, but she was a
She wasn't the smartest cow, or
the biggest cow, but she was a
cow just the same.
The biggest cow, but she was a
cow just the same.
Lately, though, she hadn't been
Cow just the same.
Lately, though, she hadn't been
"following the herd" the way she
Lately, though, she hadn't been
"following the herd" the way she
used to.
"Following the herd" the way she
used to.
Something's wrong with
Used to.
Something's wrong with
ingrid.
Something's wrong with
ingrid.
She's been thinking too much.
Ingrid.
She's been thinking too much.
Farmer karl wasn't a bad man.
She's been thinking too much.
Farmer karl wasn't a bad man.
He loved his cows...
Farmer karl wasn't a bad man.
He loved his cows...
Up until he k*lled them.
He loved his cows...
Up until he k*lled them.
[ Cow moos ]
Up until he k*lled them.
[ Cow moos ]
what he didn't realize was for
[ Cow moos ]
what he didn't realize was for
some time ingrid had been
What he didn't realize was for
some time ingrid had been
thinking about places beyond the
Some time ingrid had been
thinking about places beyond the
farm -- faraway places.
Thinking about places beyond the
farm -- faraway places.
How could she die without ever
Farm -- faraway places.
How could she die without ever
seeing europe?
How could she die without ever
seeing europe?
I hear bali's nice.
Seeing europe?
I hear bali's nice.
Shh!
I hear bali's nice.
Shh!
But even if the genius
Shh!
But even if the genius
nostradamus himself had been
But even if the genius
nostradamus himself had been
there that good eve, he couldn't
Nostradamus himself had been
there that good eve, he couldn't
have foreseen the night of the
There that good eve, he couldn't
have foreseen the night of the
cow.
Have foreseen the night of the
cow.
See, that night karl was getting
Cow.
See, that night karl was getting
drunk with his best friend.
See, that night karl was getting
drunk with his best friend.
She's down the bar.
Drunk with his best friend.
She's down the bar.
She's mooing.
She's down the bar.
She's mooing.
She's carrying on and stupid
She's mooing.
She's carrying on and stupid
stuff.
She's carrying on and stupid
stuff.
I'm the boss around here!
Stuff.
I'm the boss around here!
I'm gonna milk her again!
I'm the boss around here!
I'm gonna milk her again!
Okay, what's the scoop, cow?
I'm gonna milk her again!
Okay, what's the scoop, cow?
Tonight ingrid wasn't gonna
Okay, what's the scoop, cow?
Tonight ingrid wasn't gonna
take it.
Tonight ingrid wasn't gonna
take it.
Tonight was her night...
Take it.
Tonight was her night...
The night of the cow!
Tonight was her night...
The night of the cow!
[ Mooing ]
Cow!!
Come back here, ingrid!
Come back here, ingrid!
[ Ingrid moos ]
Come back here, ingrid!
[ Ingrid moos ]
you're not serious!
[ Ingrid moos ]
you're not serious!
You need me!
You're not serious!
You need me!
But she wasn't turning back.
You need me!
But she wasn't turning back.
She ran right over a one-foot
But she wasn't turning back.
She ran right over a one-foot
ditch.
She ran right over a one-foot
ditch.
Well, that's pretty good for a
Ditch.
Well, that's pretty good for a
cow.
Well, that's pretty good for a
cow.
What she didn't bargain for was
Cow.
What she didn't bargain for was
a drunk salesman in a
What she didn't bargain for was
a drunk salesman in a
toyota corolla.
A drunk salesman in a
toyota corolla.
Where the hell am i?
Toyota corolla.
Where the hell am i?
Hey, cow!
Where the hell am i?
Hey, cow!
Get the hell out of the way,
Hey, cow!
Get the hell out of the way,
cow.
Get the hell out of the way,
cow.
Cow...car.
Cow.
Cow...car.
Cow...car.
Cow...car.
Cow...car.
Cow...car.
Cow...car.
Cow...car.
Cow...car.
Cow...car.
Cow...car.
Cow...car.
Cow...car.
Cow...car.
Cow...
Cow...car.
Cow...
He didn't hit her, did he?
It's so sad.
It's so sad.
What a cow.
It's so sad.
What a cow.
What a nonconformist.
What a cow.
What a nonconformist.
Yeah.
What a nonconformist.
Yeah.
That's why I want you guys to
Yeah.
That's why I want you guys to
know that I'm leaving my job at
That's why I want you guys to
know that I'm leaving my job at
a.t. & Love.
Know that I'm leaving my job at
a.t. & Love.
Honey?
A.t. & Love.
Honey?
I'm just sick of the business
Honey?
I'm just sick of the business
world.
I'm just sick of the business
world.
What are you gonna do?
World.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna join a rock band.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna join a rock band.
Hey, that's great!
I'm gonna join a rock band.
Hey, that's great!
Yeah!
Hey, that's great!
Yeah!
It has occurred to you that
Yeah!
It has occurred to you that
you don't play an instrument,
It has occurred to you that
you don't play an instrument,
hasn't it, dear?
You don't play an instrument,
hasn't it, dear?
I sing.
Hasn't it, dear?
I sing.
He sings.
I sing.
He sings.
♪ The night of the cow ♪
He sings.
♪ The night of the cow ♪
♪ the night of the cow ♪
02x15 - Episode 15
Watch/Buy Amazon
The Kids frequently appeared as themselves rather than as characters, and some sketches dealt directly with the fact that they were a comedy troupe producing a TV show.
The Kids frequently appeared as themselves rather than as characters, and some sketches dealt directly with the fact that they were a comedy troupe producing a TV show.