Hello, my name is
Hello, my name is
scott thompson, and these are
Hello, my name is
scott thompson, and these are
the celebrities I look like.
Scott thompson, and these are
the celebrities I look like.
First off, actor/comedian
The celebrities I look like.
First off, actor/comedian
john ritter.
First off, actor/comedian
john ritter.
Second, singer/environmentalist,
John ritter.
Second, singer/environmentalist,
"whatever happened to"
Second, singer/environmentalist,
"whatever happened to"
john denver.
"Whatever happened to"
john denver.
Third, actor and nra
John denver.
Third, actor and nra
spokesperson charlton heston.
Third, actor and nra
spokesperson charlton heston.
Fourth, actor/singer/director
Spokesperson charlton heston.
Fourth, actor/singer/director
"yentl" streisand.
Fourth, actor/singer/director
"yentl" streisand.
And finally, serial k*ller
"Yentl" streisand.
And finally, serial k*ller
jeffrey dahmer.
And finally, serial k*ller
jeffrey dahmer.
Enjoy the show.
[ Knocking on door ]
You stay in bed, hon.
You stay in bed, hon.
I'll go see who it is.
You stay in bed, hon.
I'll go see who it is.
Aw, christ.
I'll go see who it is.
Aw, christ.
Who is it, dear?
Aw, christ.
Who is it, dear?
It's nobody important, dear.
Who is it, dear?
It's nobody important, dear.
Go back to sleep.
It's nobody important, dear.
Go back to sleep.
Listen, I'll let you in, but you
Go back to sleep.
Listen, I'll let you in, but you
have to be quiet, okay?
Listen, I'll let you in, but you
have to be quiet, okay?
Jerry.
Have to be quiet, okay?
Jerry.
What happened to you, jerry?
Jerry.
What happened to you, jerry?
We were supposed to meet in
What happened to you, jerry?
We were supposed to meet in
hyde park, jerry.
We were supposed to meet in
hyde park, jerry.
I was waiting for you under a
Hyde park, jerry.
I was waiting for you under a
pile of leaves by the public
I was waiting for you under a
pile of leaves by the public
lavatories, just like we agreed.
Pile of leaves by the public
lavatories, just like we agreed.
Look, I'm sorry, but you --
Lavatories, just like we agreed.
Look, I'm sorry, but you --
you never came, jerry.
Look, I'm sorry, but you --
you never came, jerry.
I know, but you've got to --
You never came, jerry.
I know, but you've got to --
I waited a month, you prick.
I know, but you've got to --
I waited a month, you prick.
Don't call me that.
I waited a month, you prick.
Don't call me that.
Just don't call me that, okay?
Don't call me that.
Just don't call me that, okay?
What's going on out there?
Just don't call me that, okay?
What's going on out there?
Nothing, hon.
What's going on out there?
Nothing, hon.
Just an old army buddy's dropped
Nothing, hon.
Just an old army buddy's dropped
by.
Just an old army buddy's dropped
by.
You go back to sleep, dear.
By.
You go back to sleep, dear.
Look, you've got to keep your
You go back to sleep, dear.
Look, you've got to keep your
voice down.
Look, you've got to keep your
voice down.
But, jerry --
Voice down.
But, jerry --
my name isn't jerry.
But, jerry --
my name isn't jerry.
It's lester.
My name isn't jerry.
It's lester.
And your name isn't jerry,
It's lester.
And your name isn't jerry,
either.
And your name isn't jerry,
either.
It's jean pierre.
Either.
It's jean pierre.
Don't be silly, jerry.
It's jean pierre.
Don't be silly, jerry.
That's a french name.
Don't be silly, jerry.
That's a french name.
Yes.
That's a french name.
Yes.
And before you became...
Yes.
And before you became...
Chemically unbalanced, you were
And before you became...
Chemically unbalanced, you were
a respected french mime
Chemically unbalanced, you were
a respected french mime
instructor.
A respected french mime
instructor.
Jerry, you are clearly
Instructor.
Jerry, you are clearly
insane.
Jerry, you are clearly
insane.
No, I am clearly not insane.
Insane.
No, I am clearly not insane.
You are the clearly insane one.
No, I am clearly not insane.
You are the clearly insane one.
Jerry, I'm not clearly
You are the clearly insane one.
Jerry, I'm not clearly
insane.
Jerry, I'm not clearly
insane.
I'm you sister, damn it.
Insane.
I'm you sister, damn it.
I'm your sister.
I'm you sister, damn it.
I'm your sister.
Now, quick, put these on before
I'm your sister.
Now, quick, put these on before
you catch your death.
Now, quick, put these on before
you catch your death.
Honey.
You catch your death.
Honey.
Honey, you were never in the
Honey.
Honey, you were never in the
army, were you?
Honey, you were never in the
army, were you?
No, hon.
Army, were you?
No, hon.
No, you're right.
No, hon.
No, you're right.
No, i-i was never in the army.
No, you're right.
No, i-i was never in the army.
But my friend was in the army
No, i-i was never in the army.
But my friend was in the army
when we became friends.
But my friend was in the army
when we became friends.
And I don't think there's any
When we became friends.
And I don't think there's any
rule that says you have to
And I don't think there's any
rule that says you have to
actually be in the army in order
Rule that says you have to
actually be in the army in order
to have an army buddy, is there?
Actually be in the army in order
to have an army buddy, is there?
Am I wrong about this?
To have an army buddy, is there?
Am I wrong about this?
Uh, no, I guess not.
Am I wrong about this?
Uh, no, I guess not.
Well, great.
Uh, no, I guess not.
Well, great.
Then I'd really like you to meet
Well, great.
Then I'd really like you to meet
my pal...
Then I'd really like you to meet
my pal...
Sarge.
My pal...
Sarge.
Sarge, I'd like you to meet
Sarge.
Sarge, I'd like you to meet
judy.
Sarge, I'd like you to meet
judy.
Judy, sarge.
Judy.
Judy, sarge.
So, why don't you go back to bed
Judy, sarge.
So, why don't you go back to bed
now, hon?
So, why don't you go back to bed
now, hon?
Everything's okay.
Now, hon?
Everything's okay.
Okay, I guess I'll --
Everything's okay.
Okay, I guess I'll --
nice meeting you, sarge.
Okay, I guess I'll --
nice meeting you, sarge.
Jerry, who was that strange
Nice meeting you, sarge.
Jerry, who was that strange
man?
Jerry, who was that strange
man?
That's my wife, judy.
Man?
That's my wife, judy.
Can't you see that I have a
That's my wife, judy.
Can't you see that I have a
whole life here now?
Can't you see that I have a
whole life here now?
Jerry, what's happened to
Whole life here now?
Jerry, what's happened to
you?
Jerry, what's happened to
you?
I started to take the
You?
I started to take the
medication.
I started to take the
medication.
It works.
Medication.
It works.
It really works.
It works.
It really works.
You should try it.
It really works.
You should try it.
You could go back to being a
You should try it.
You could go back to being a
french mime.
You could go back to being a
french mime.
Jerry, you're frightening me.
French mime.
Jerry, you're frightening me.
Oh, come on, jean pierre.
Jerry, you're frightening me.
Oh, come on, jean pierre.
Don't you miss it -- walking
Oh, come on, jean pierre.
Don't you miss it -- walking
against the wind, huh?
Don't you miss it -- walking
against the wind, huh?
Or the box, huh?
Against the wind, huh?
Or the box, huh?
Or the flying bird.
Or the box, huh?
Or the flying bird.
Quick, jerry, get out of that
Or the flying bird.
Quick, jerry, get out of that
box before that bird pecks your
Quick, jerry, get out of that
box before that bird pecks your
eyes out.
Box before that bird pecks your
eyes out.
There is no bird.
Eyes out.
There is no bird.
I was just miming, you prick.
There is no bird.
I was just miming, you prick.
Jerry, good to see you.
I was just miming, you prick.
Jerry, good to see you.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Jerry, good to see you.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You just upset me.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You just upset me.
You've just got me a little bit
You just upset me.
You've just got me a little bit
rattled.
You've just got me a little bit
rattled.
All I need to do is take my
Rattled.
All I need to do is take my
pills, and I'll be fine.
All I need to do is take my
pills, and I'll be fine.
That's all right.
Pills, and I'll be fine.
That's all right.
I'll just get it.
That's all right.
I'll just get it.
Look, jean -- jean pierre, give
I'll just get it.
Look, jean -- jean pierre, give
me those pills back.
Look, jean -- jean pierre, give
me those pills back.
But I don't have them,
Me those pills back.
But I don't have them,
mr. Lester.
But I don't have them,
mr. Lester.
Look, just give me those
Mr. Lester.
Look, just give me those
pills, all right?
Look, just give me those
pills, all right?
Would you give me the pills?
Pills, all right?
Would you give me the pills?
I mean it.
Would you give me the pills?
I mean it.
Give me my damn pills.
I mean it.
Give me my damn pills.
Monkey in the middle.
Give me my damn pills.
Monkey in the middle.
Oh, sh*t.
Monkey in the middle.
Oh, sh*t.
Just give me the damn pills.
Oh, sh*t.
Just give me the damn pills.
♪ Say has anybody seen my
Just give me the damn pills.
♪ Say has anybody seen my
sweet gypsy rose ♪
♪ Say has anybody seen my
sweet gypsy rose ♪
I want those pills, and I
Sweet gypsy rose ♪
I want those pills, and I
want them now, prick!
I want those pills, and I
want them now, prick!
♪ She's got rings on her fingers
Want them now, prick!
♪ She's got rings on her fingers
and bells on her toes ♪
♪ She's got rings on her fingers
and bells on her toes ♪
jerry.
And bells on her toes ♪
jerry.
Jerry.
Jerry.
Jerry.
Good to see you.
Jerry.
Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Quickly, jerry.
Good to see you.
Quickly, jerry.
Quickly.
Quickly, jerry.
Quickly.
We must get back into
Quickly.
We must get back into
training for the ' olympics.
We must get back into
training for the ' olympics.
Good idea, jerry.
Training for the ' olympics.
Good idea, jerry.
You're a genius.
Good idea, jerry.
You're a genius.
♪ On the road again ♪
You're a genius.
♪ On the road again ♪
♪ just can't wait to get back on
♪ On the road again ♪
♪ just can't wait to get back on
the road again ♪
Want to hear something?
Want to hear something?
It's a fact -- if you don't
Want to hear something?
It's a fact -- if you don't
clean your ears properly, you
It's a fact -- if you don't
clean your ears properly, you
pay for it later.
Clean your ears properly, you
pay for it later.
Dirty boy.
Pay for it later.
Dirty boy.
Ow.
Dirty boy.
Ow.
Dirty boy.
Ow.
Dirty boy.
Ow.
Dirty boy.
Ow.
Dirty boy.
Ow.
Dirty boy.
Aah.
Dirty boy.
Aah.
Wash your ears, you dirty
Aah.
Wash your ears, you dirty
boy.
Wash your ears, you dirty
boy.
Oh. Oh.
Boy.
Oh. Oh.
Yuck.
Oh. Oh.
Yuck.
You really need to spend two or
Yuck.
You really need to spend two or
three hours daily on cleaning
You really need to spend two or
three hours daily on cleaning
your ears.
Three hours daily on cleaning
your ears.
It's a fact.
Your ears.
It's a fact.
Yeah, very nice.
It's a fact.
Yeah, very nice.
Very nice.
Yeah, very nice.
Very nice.
You know, recently I had a heart
Very nice.
You know, recently I had a heart
att*ck.
You know, recently I had a heart
att*ck.
And for several minutes,
att*ck.
And for several minutes,
mississippi gary was clinically
And for several minutes,
mississippi gary was clinically
dead.
Mississippi gary was clinically
dead.
And I was following the white
Dead.
And I was following the white
light to heaven.
And I was following the white
light to heaven.
Now, when I got there, I was
Light to heaven.
Now, when I got there, I was
given a choice of doors.
Now, when I got there, I was
given a choice of doors.
Now, behind the first door was a
Given a choice of doors.
Now, behind the first door was a
rose, which signified -- never
Now, behind the first door was a
rose, which signified -- never
mind that.
Rose, which signified -- never
mind that.
An angel of the lord then came
Mind that.
An angel of the lord then came
to me and gave me a seven-sided
An angel of the lord then came
to me and gave me a seven-sided
die, which he bade me to roll
To me and gave me a seven-sided
die, which he bade me to roll
times.
Die, which he bade me to roll
times.
Now, the first roll was a four,
Times.
Now, the first roll was a four,
which means that the four
Now, the first roll was a four,
which means that the four
corners of the world -- well,
Which means that the four
corners of the world -- well,
never mind that.
Corners of the world -- well,
never mind that.
Eventually I was brought in
Never mind that.
Eventually I was brought in
front of god himself.
Eventually I was brought in
front of god himself.
Now, god was sitting up on a
Front of god himself.
Now, god was sitting up on a
barstool with an old b*at-up
Now, god was sitting up on a
barstool with an old b*at-up
guitar.
Barstool with an old b*at-up
guitar.
And he said to me,
Guitar.
And he said to me,
"mississippi gary, you is not to
And he said to me,
"mississippi gary, you is not to
be dead yet, because I want you
"Mississippi gary, you is not to
be dead yet, because I want you
to take this here song and play
Be dead yet, because I want you
to take this here song and play
it for all my children on the
To take this here song and play
it for all my children on the
planet earth."
It for all my children on the
planet earth."
So, I learned this song.
Planet earth."
So, I learned this song.
And it meant so very much to me.
So, I learned this song.
And it meant so very much to me.
So I'd like you all at home to
And it meant so very much to me.
So I'd like you all at home to
turn on your vcrs so you can
So I'd like you all at home to
turn on your vcrs so you can
learn it and study it.
Turn on your vcrs so you can
learn it and study it.
The words of god.
Learn it and study it.
The words of god.
One, two.
The words of god.
One, two.
♪ Smoking on a night train,
One, two.
♪ Smoking on a night train,
chewing on a jelly roll, yeah ♪
♪ Smoking on a night train,
chewing on a jelly roll, yeah ♪
♪ smoking on a night train,
Chewing on a jelly roll, yeah ♪
♪ smoking on a night train,
chewing on a jelly roll ♪
♪ Smoking on a night train,
chewing on a jelly roll ♪
♪ I'm running up a flag without
Chewing on a jelly roll ♪
♪ I'm running up a flag without
a pole ♪
♪ I'm running up a flag without
a pole ♪
♪ I'm walking on a shoe without
A pole ♪
♪ I'm walking on a shoe without
a sole ♪
♪ I'm walking on a shoe without
a sole ♪
♪ smoking on a night train,
A sole ♪
♪ smoking on a night train,
chewing on a jelly roll ♪
♪ Smoking on a night train,
chewing on a jelly roll ♪
okay, now here it come, lesson
Chewing on a jelly roll ♪
okay, now here it come, lesson
one.
Okay, now here it come, lesson
one.
♪ You can't cook an egg unless
One.
♪ You can't cook an egg unless
you got yourself a frying pan ♪
♪ You can't cook an egg unless
you got yourself a frying pan ♪
you know it's the truth.
You got yourself a frying pan ♪
you know it's the truth.
♪ You can't cook an egg unless
You know it's the truth.
♪ You can't cook an egg unless
you got yourself a frying pan ♪
♪ You can't cook an egg unless
you got yourself a frying pan ♪
♪ you shouldn't rob a bank
You got yourself a frying pan ♪
♪ you shouldn't rob a bank
without a plan ♪
♪ You shouldn't rob a bank
without a plan ♪
♪ you shouldn't use your tongue
Without a plan ♪
♪ you shouldn't use your tongue
to stop a fan ♪
♪ You shouldn't use your tongue
to stop a fan ♪
♪ smoking on a night train,
To stop a fan ♪
♪ smoking on a night train,
chewing on a jelly roll ♪
♪ Smoking on a night train,
chewing on a jelly roll ♪
now, here comes lesson number
Now, here comes lesson number
two.
♪ Shouldn't want to do it if you
Two.
♪ Shouldn't want to do it if you
don't want to not do it right ♪
♪ Shouldn't want to do it if you
don't want to not do it right ♪
yeah.
Don't want to not do it right ♪
yeah.
♪ Eba-dabba-dooba-dabba-deeba-
Yeah.
♪ Eba-dabba-dooba-dabba-deeba-
dabba-do, all right ♪
♪ Eba-dabba-dooba-dabba-deeba-
dabba-do, all right ♪
I ain't making this up.
Dabba-do, all right ♪
I ain't making this up.
♪ You don't go dancing in the
I ain't making this up.
♪ You don't go dancing in the
day ♪
♪ You don't go dancing in the
day ♪
♪ you don't go golfing in the
Day ♪
♪ you don't go golfing in the
night ♪
♪ You don't go golfing in the
night ♪
♪ smoking on a night train,
Night ♪
♪ smoking on a night train,
chewing on a jelly roll, yeah ♪
♪ Smoking on a night train,
chewing on a jelly roll, yeah ♪
♪ smoking on a night train,
Chewing on a jelly roll, yeah ♪
♪ smoking on a night train,
chewing on a jelly roll ♪
♪ Smoking on a night train,
chewing on a jelly roll ♪
[ plays harmonica ]
Chewing on a jelly roll ♪
[ plays harmonica ]
praise the lord.
[ Plays harmonica ]
praise the lord.
Praise the lord.
Bravo.
Bravo.
Bravo.
Bravo.
Bravo.
Bravo.
Bravo.
Bravo.
Bravo.
Bravo.
Bravo.
Bravo.
Bravo.
Bravo.
I know what you're gonna do with
Bravo.
I know what you're gonna do with
that.
I know what you're gonna do with
that.
This is gonna be great.
That.
This is gonna be great.
Look, you've been following
This is gonna be great.
Look, you've been following
me around for three days now.
Look, you've been following
me around for three days now.
What's your problem?
Me around for three days now.
What's your problem?
You're al skagnati, aren't
What's your problem?
You're al skagnati, aren't
you?
You're al skagnati, aren't
you?
How'd you know?
You?
How'd you know?
Well, I'm just a big fan of
How'd you know?
Well, I'm just a big fan of
yours.
Well, I'm just a big fan of
yours.
What?
Yours.
What?
I just really love your work,
What?
I just really love your work,
mr. Skagnati.
I just really love your work,
mr. Skagnati.
Thanks.
Mr. Skagnati.
Thanks.
Yeah, I find your approach so
Thanks.
Yeah, I find your approach so
thorough, your arm sweep so
Yeah, I find your approach so
thorough, your arm sweep so
dignified.
Thorough, your arm sweep so
dignified.
I find it all so cleansing,
Dignified.
I find it all so cleansing,
childlike, yet mournful.
I find it all so cleansing,
childlike, yet mournful.
What are you talking about?
Childlike, yet mournful.
What are you talking about?
I live at
What are you talking about?
I live at
brayside drive.
I live at
brayside drive.
Oh, yeah.
Brayside drive.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I remember that route.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I remember that route.
You do?
Yeah, I remember that route.
You do?
Yeah.
You do?
Yeah.
Yeah, in fact, I think I even
Yeah.
Yeah, in fact, I think I even
remember your garbage.
Yeah, in fact, I think I even
remember your garbage.
No.
Remember your garbage.
No.
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
You used to have bottles...
Yeah.
You used to have bottles...
Yeah.
You used to have bottles...
Yeah.
...cans...
Yeah.
...cans...
Yeah.
...cans...
Yeah.
...uh, garbage bags...
Yeah.
...uh, garbage bags...
Yeah.
...uh, garbage bags...
Yeah.
...and various paper
Yeah.
...and various paper
products.
...and various paper
products.
Am I right?
Products.
Am I right?
Yes.
Am I right?
Yes.
That is my garbage.
Yes.
That is my garbage.
So, why are you following me
That is my garbage.
So, why are you following me
around the neighborhood?
So, why are you following me
around the neighborhood?
Well, al, I want what's best
Around the neighborhood?
Well, al, I want what's best
for my family, so I'm gonna buy
Well, al, I want what's best
for my family, so I'm gonna buy
a house on your route.
For my family, so I'm gonna buy
a house on your route.
Well, you know, I'm just a
A house on your route.
Well, you know, I'm just a
garbage man.
Well, you know, I'm just a
garbage man.
I lift garbage.
Garbage man.
I lift garbage.
That's what I do.
I lift garbage.
That's what I do.
No, al.
That's what I do.
No, al.
I've seen a lot of good, even
No, al.
I've seen a lot of good, even
great, garbage men, but
I've seen a lot of good, even
great, garbage men, but
you're -- you're the best.
Great, garbage men, but
you're -- you're the best.
Really think I'm good, huh?
You're -- you're the best.
Really think I'm good, huh?
No, I don't.
Really think I'm good, huh?
No, I don't.
What?
No, I don't.
What?
Actually I think you're
What?
Actually I think you're
horrible.
Actually I think you're
horrible.
What?
Horrible.
What?
Al, I'm with the city, and
What?
Al, I'm with the city, and
there have been several
Al, I'm with the city, and
there have been several
complaints that you are very
There have been several
complaints that you are very
slow and often leave garbage
Complaints that you are very
slow and often leave garbage
behind.
Slow and often leave garbage
behind.
I'm putting you on probation.
Want to hear something else?
Want to hear something else?
It's a fact.
Want to hear something else?
It's a fact.
Vanilla ice's career crashed so
It's a fact.
Vanilla ice's career crashed so
badly that he's back to selling
Vanilla ice's career crashed so
badly that he's back to selling
vanilla ice cream.
Badly that he's back to selling
vanilla ice cream.
[ Dance music plays ]
Vanilla ice cream.
[ Dance music plays ]
you want a cherry on that?
[ Dance music plays ]
you want a cherry on that?
Wow.
You want a cherry on that?
Wow.
Life is an ironic river, isn't
Wow.
Life is an ironic river, isn't
it?
Life is an ironic river, isn't
it?
It's a fact.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, tell me about it.
Yeah.
Hey, tell me about it.
It's a drought out there.
Hey, tell me about it.
It's a drought out there.
There's no pot anywhere.
It's a drought out there.
There's no pot anywhere.
What, my plant?
There's no pot anywhere.
What, my plant?
Smoked it.
What, my plant?
Smoked it.
Hey, of course it should be
Smoked it.
Hey, of course it should be
legal.
Hey, of course it should be
legal.
Yeah.
Legal.
Yeah.
Look, if christ had turned straw
Yeah.
Look, if christ had turned straw
into pot instead of water into
Look, if christ had turned straw
into pot instead of water into
wine, we'd all be smoking up at
Into pot instead of water into
wine, we'd all be smoking up at
communion.
Wine, we'd all be smoking up at
communion.
[ Laughs ]
Communion.
[ Laughs ]
yeah.
[ Laughs ]
yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
For sure.
Oh, yeah.
For sure.
Okay, see you, mom.
For sure.
Okay, see you, mom.
Money.
Okay, see you, mom.
Money.
Money.
Money.
Money.
Money, money, money, money,
Money.
Money, money, money, money,
money, money, money, money.
Money, money, money, money,
money, money, money, money.
Bingo.
Money, money, money, money.
Bingo.
Money.
Bingo.
Money.
Yeah, money...
Money.
Yeah, money...
For honey.
Yeah, money...
For honey.
Let's go, baby.
For honey.
Let's go, baby.
I don't need it.
Let's go, baby.
I don't need it.
I want it.
I don't need it.
I want it.
Got to get high.
I want it.
Got to get high.
Ow!
Got to get high.
Ow!
Hey.
Ow!
Hey.
Hey, bauer.
Hey.
Hey, bauer.
Long time no see, eh?
Hey, bauer.
Long time no see, eh?
I'm busy.
Long time no see, eh?
I'm busy.
So, you on a break?
I'm busy.
So, you on a break?
Yeah.
So, you on a break?
Yeah.
I can't smoke inside anymore,
Yeah.
I can't smoke inside anymore,
you know, 'cause there's a new
I can't smoke inside anymore,
you know, 'cause there's a new
law, eh?
You know, 'cause there's a new
law, eh?
Oh, yeah?
Law, eh?
Oh, yeah?
Unless I want to put it into
Oh, yeah?
Unless I want to put it into
my act.
Unless I want to put it into
my act.
But you know, I don't want to do
My act.
But you know, I don't want to do
that, because I like to keep
But you know, I don't want to do
that, because I like to keep
both hands free for the snake,
That, because I like to keep
both hands free for the snake,
you know?
Both hands free for the snake,
you know?
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
How is the snake?
Yeah.
How is the snake?
Oh, it's good.
How is the snake?
Oh, it's good.
How's your mom?
Oh, it's good.
How's your mom?
She's good.
How's your mom?
She's good.
Her arm grew back.
She's good.
Her arm grew back.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Her arm grew back.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Yeah, it's good.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Yeah, it's good.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's good.
Yeah.
So, uh, got any...
Yeah.
So, uh, got any...
What?
So, uh, got any...
What?
Got any dr*gs.
What?
Got any dr*gs.
What is it?
Got any dr*gs.
What is it?
What?
What is it?
What?
Got any dr*gs?
What?
Got any dr*gs?
Oh.
Got any dr*gs?
Oh.
Oh, yes, yes.
Oh.
Oh, yes, yes.
Yes, I've got some cr*ck, and
Oh, yes, yes.
Yes, I've got some cr*ck, and
I've got some coke, and I've got
Yes, I've got some cr*ck, and
I've got some coke, and I've got
some crank and some smack and
I've got some coke, and I've got
some crank and some smack and
some ecstasy.
Some crank and some smack and
some ecstasy.
Would you like some ecstasy?
Some ecstasy.
Would you like some ecstasy?
You don't got any pot, do
Would you like some ecstasy?
You don't got any pot, do
you?
You don't got any pot, do
you?
You know, for a little bit of,
You?
You know, for a little bit of,
you know?
You know, for a little bit of,
you know?
Oh, bauer.
You know?
Oh, bauer.
Don't be so naive, huh?
Oh, bauer.
Don't be so naive, huh?
There's no pot anywhere.
Don't be so naive, huh?
There's no pot anywhere.
You know why, eh?
There's no pot anywhere.
You know why, eh?
It's the man.
You know why, eh?
It's the man.
The man.
It's the man.
The man.
He keeps the leaf off the
The man.
He keeps the leaf off the
street 'cause the leaf promotes
He keeps the leaf off the
street 'cause the leaf promotes
peace.
Street 'cause the leaf promotes
peace.
And peace isn't profitable.
Peace.
And peace isn't profitable.
Unless it's a piece of ass,
And peace isn't profitable.
Unless it's a piece of ass,
hey bauer, huh?
Unless it's a piece of ass,
hey bauer, huh?
Huh, what you say, huh?
Hey bauer, huh?
Huh, what you say, huh?
What you doing tonight, huh?
Huh, what you say, huh?
What you doing tonight, huh?
No.
What you doing tonight, huh?
No.
Are you busy tonight?
No.
Are you busy tonight?
That was some dancing in
Are you busy tonight?
That was some dancing in
there, jocelyn.
That was some dancing in
there, jocelyn.
I haven't seen moves like that
There, jocelyn.
I haven't seen moves like that
since sally rand came to town.
I haven't seen moves like that
since sally rand came to town.
Oh, officer, you're such a
Since sally rand came to town.
Oh, officer, you're such a
pig.
Oh, officer, you're such a
pig.
All right, everyone, I'll
Pig.
All right, everyone, I'll
let you off with a warning this
All right, everyone, I'll
let you off with a warning this
time.
Let you off with a warning this
time.
Keep it moving.
Time.
Keep it moving.
Keep it moving.
Keep it moving.
Keep it moving.
Keep it moving.
Keep it moving.
Keep it moving.
Hey, officer.
Keep it moving.
Hey, officer.
Things pretty quiet today, eh,
Hey, officer.
Things pretty quiet today, eh,
sir?
Things pretty quiet today, eh,
sir?
Yes, citizen.
Sir?
Yes, citizen.
All the bad people are asleep
Yes, citizen.
All the bad people are asleep
waiting for the dark.
All the bad people are asleep
waiting for the dark.
So, you feel better now?
Waiting for the dark.
So, you feel better now?
I fix you up?
So, you feel better now?
I fix you up?
You feel better now, huh?
I fix you up?
You feel better now, huh?
Huh, you feeling good now, huh,
You feel better now, huh?
Huh, you feeling good now, huh,
huh?
Huh, you feeling good now, huh,
huh?
Yes.
Huh?
Yes.
My ulcer is much better now.
Yes.
My ulcer is much better now.
Yes, wasn't she hot.
My ulcer is much better now.
Yes, wasn't she hot.
I've got to go bounce.
Yes, wasn't she hot.
I've got to go bounce.
Okay.
I've got to go bounce.
Okay.
You take good care of that
Okay.
You take good care of that
hair, huh?
You take good care of that
hair, huh?
All right.
Hair, huh?
All right.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
See you.
Okay.
See you.
Jocelyn with her pesky snake,
See you.
Jocelyn with her pesky snake,
latoya.
Jocelyn with her pesky snake,
latoya.
So, officer, you got an
Latoya.
So, officer, you got an
ulcer, do you?
So, officer, you got an
ulcer, do you?
What the hell are you
Ulcer, do you?
What the hell are you
talking --
What the hell are you
talking --
oh, yes, my ulcer.
Talking --
oh, yes, my ulcer.
Bad ulcer, yes.
Oh, yes, my ulcer.
Bad ulcer, yes.
Aww.
Bad ulcer, yes.
Aww.
I know how that is, eh, 'cause I
Aww.
I know how that is, eh, 'cause I
got an ulcer myself, although
I know how that is, eh, 'cause I
got an ulcer myself, although
maybe it's just an itch.
Got an ulcer myself, although
maybe it's just an itch.
Who knows?
Maybe it's just an itch.
Who knows?
All I know is that what I use to
Who knows?
All I know is that what I use to
scratch it is pot, you know?
All I know is that what I use to
scratch it is pot, you know?
To each his own, free country,
Scratch it is pot, you know?
To each his own, free country,
all that jazz.
To each his own, free country,
all that jazz.
I was just wondering if you know
All that jazz.
I was just wondering if you know
where I can get some ulcer
I was just wondering if you know
where I can get some ulcer
medicine.
Where I can get some ulcer
medicine.
Well, I hear there's a
Medicine.
Well, I hear there's a
pharmacy...
Well, I hear there's a
pharmacy...
Pharmacy at river.
Pharmacy...
Pharmacy at river.
Don't tell anyone I told you
Pharmacy at river.
Don't tell anyone I told you
here.
Don't tell anyone I told you
here.
Okay.
Here.
Okay.
Take care of that ulcer, eh?
Okay.
Take care of that ulcer, eh?
Okay.
Take care of that ulcer, eh?
Okay.
What ulcer?
Okay.
What ulcer?
Police.
What ulcer?
Police.
Open up.
Police.
Open up.
Password.
Open up.
Password.
Got to get high.
Password.
Got to get high.
Come on in.
Got to get high.
Come on in.
Hello?
Come on in.
Hello?
Hello there?
Hello?
Hello there?
Oh.
Hello there?
Oh.
Whoo.
Oh.
Whoo.
Okay, okay, bauer, just chill.
Whoo.
Okay, okay, bauer, just chill.
Hey, what's this?
Okay, okay, bauer, just chill.
Hey, what's this?
Hey.
Hey, what's this?
Hey.
How did you do that?
Hey.
How did you do that?
You don't want to know.
How did you do that?
You don't want to know.
Come on in.
You don't want to know.
Come on in.
Aaahh.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Okay, bauer.
No, I'm all right.
No, I'm all right.
[ Woman screams ]
Hey, man, got any pot?
Hey, guys.
Hey, guys.
Got any pot?
Hey, guys.
Got any pot?
Two.
Got any pot?
Two.
[ Moans ]
Two.
[ Moans ]
.
[ Moans ]
.
Got any pot?
Oh, hi.
Oh, hi.
Oh, god, am I glad to see you.
Oh, hi.
Oh, god, am I glad to see you.
Do you got any pot?
Oh, god, am I glad to see you.
Do you got any pot?
No way.
Do you got any pot?
No way.
It makes me red.
Hi.
Hi.
Uh, you guys got any pot?
Hi.
Uh, you guys got any pot?
No, but try some junk.
Uh, you guys got any pot?
No, but try some junk.
It's absolutely free.
No, but try some junk.
It's absolutely free.
Promotional offer.
It's absolutely free.
Promotional offer.
No, I don't want any junk.
Promotional offer.
No, I don't want any junk.
I just want some pot, you know?
No, I don't want any junk.
I just want some pot, you know?
Get with the new world order,
I just want some pot, you know?
Get with the new world order,
man.
Get with the new world order,
man.
There's no more pot on the earth
Man.
There's no more pot on the earth
anymore.
There's no more pot on the earth
anymore.
The government destroyed it all,
Anymore.
The government destroyed it all,
man, in order to protect the oil
The government destroyed it all,
man, in order to protect the oil
companies.
Man, in order to protect the oil
companies.
Yeah, why?
Companies.
Yeah, why?
Because marijuana seeds can
Yeah, why?
Because marijuana seeds can
be made into a fuel more
Because marijuana seeds can
be made into a fuel more
efficient than gasoline.
Be made into a fuel more
efficient than gasoline.
And the government doesn't like
Efficient than gasoline.
And the government doesn't like
that.
And the government doesn't like
that.
And who controls the government?
That.
And who controls the government?
The oil companies.
And who controls the government?
The oil companies.
Exactly.
The oil companies.
Exactly.
And who controls the oil
Exactly.
And who controls the oil
companies?
And who controls the oil
companies?
I don't know.
Companies?
I don't know.
Satan.
I don't know.
Satan.
Hey, I know who you are.
Satan.
Hey, I know who you are.
You're the devil.
Hey, I know who you are.
You're the devil.
Present.
You're the devil.
Present.
I tell you what I'm gonna do for
Present.
I tell you what I'm gonna do for
you, bauer.
I tell you what I'm gonna do for
you, bauer.
How would you like to always be
You, bauer.
How would you like to always be
high?
How would you like to always be
high?
That'd be great.
High?
That'd be great.
But you can't have my soul.
That'd be great.
But you can't have my soul.
Don't need it.
But you can't have my soul.
Don't need it.
Got enough.
Don't need it.
Got enough.
I ain't gonna f*ck you.
Got enough.
I ain't gonna f*ck you.
Listen, I don't want your
I ain't gonna f*ck you.
Listen, I don't want your
body.
Listen, I don't want your
body.
I want your jacket.
Body.
I want your jacket.
But I love this jacket.
I want your jacket.
But I love this jacket.
Yeah.
But I love this jacket.
Yeah.
Well, I'm starting a new
Yeah.
Well, I'm starting a new
rock 'n' roll band up.
Well, I'm starting a new
rock 'n' roll band up.
We call ourselves the noodles,
Rock 'n' roll band up.
We call ourselves the noodles,
you know, bad company, early
We call ourselves the noodles,
you know, bad company, early
t. Rex, stuff like...and
You know, bad company, early
t. Rex, stuff like...and
everything.
T. Rex, stuff like...and
everything.
And I need something to wear
Everything.
And I need something to wear
onstage.
And I need something to wear
onstage.
And this jacket is the talk of
Onstage.
And this jacket is the talk of
the underworld.
And this jacket is the talk of
the underworld.
Okay, deal.
The underworld.
Okay, deal.
But what do I get?
Okay, deal.
But what do I get?
Come here.
But what do I get?
Come here.
Enjoy.
Come here.
Enjoy.
Wow.
Enjoy.
Wow.
Primo.
Wow.
Primo.
Thank you, satan.
Primo.
Thank you, satan.
Yeah.
Thank you, satan.
Yeah.
Was it worth it, bauer?
Yeah.
Was it worth it, bauer?
Oh, yeah.
Was it worth it, bauer?
Oh, yeah.
You know, terrance, a great
Oh, yeah.
You know, terrance, a great
jean jacket just takes time,
You know, terrance, a great
jean jacket just takes time,
right?
Jean jacket just takes time,
right?
But brain cells are gone
Right?
But brain cells are gone
forever.
But brain cells are gone
forever.
Toke?
Forever.
Toke?
Oh, no.
Toke?
Oh, no.
My dad says dope is for dopes.
Oh, no.
My dad says dope is for dopes.
Although he only says it when
My dad says dope is for dopes.
Although he only says it when
he's, you know, drunk.
Although he only says it when
he's, you know, drunk.
Your dad's a wise man,
He's, you know, drunk.
Your dad's a wise man,
terrance.
Your dad's a wise man,
terrance.
Really?
Terrance.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
Smart dude.
Mm-hmm.
Smart dude.
Toronto, are you ready for
Smart dude.
Toronto, are you ready for
the noodles?
Toronto, are you ready for
the noodles?
One, two, three, four.
03x16 - Episode 16
Watch/Buy Amazon
The Kids frequently appeared as themselves rather than as characters, and some sketches dealt directly with the fact that they were a comedy troupe producing a TV show.
The Kids frequently appeared as themselves rather than as characters, and some sketches dealt directly with the fact that they were a comedy troupe producing a TV show.