04x07 - Orqwith Patrol

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

- [ALARM BLARING]

- [ELECTRONIC VOICE] Intruders detected.

Intruders detected.

[LAURA'S VOICE ECHOES]

Okay, you need to help me

pick up this twat's scribblings

so that we can skedaddle.

Rita, I realize that you're having

some kind of a dis-associative

episode right now,

but would you please re-associate

and and f*cking help me?

Bendy, please!

[WOMAN OVER PA SYSTEM] Would the

death squad report to cell block D?

Death squad to cell block D.

[WHISPERS] Death squad.

- [PA SYSTEM] Thank you.

- [RITA] Maybe we should.

Yeah, maybe.

But, how do we

Oh, I've got it. I've got it.

[ELECTRONIC VOICE] Intruders detected.

- [ALARM CONTINUES BLARING]

- Intruders detected.

Intruders detected.

Intruders detected.

[RITA] Can't you move any faster?

We're completely exposed here.

[LAURA] I'm a suitcase!

- [LAURA] Bloody ball sacks! We've got company.

- [RITA] Is it the death squad?

- [LAURA SHUSHES]

- [RITA] sh*t! sh*t! sh*t!

[SQUAD MEMBER] Colonel Samsonite.

[ELECTRONIC VOICE] Intruders

detected. Intruders detected.

[LAURA LAUGHING]

[ELECTRONIC VOICE] Intruders detected.

So, how's that plan

coming along, Clifford?

[CLIFF] Got 'em right where I want 'em.

[VIC] What are you guys even doing here?

How about a thanks for coming

to help your captured asses?

[CLIFF] Technically, we only

came to get Jane's longevity back.

But we probably would've tried

to help you. If there was time.

[VIC] Right, sorry. Thanks for the help.

When did you plan on

starting, by the way?

With the helping. Just wanna

make sure I don't miss it.

[DERICK] Look, we're

all stuck in here now.

Maybe instead of picking at each other,

we can try to be more solution oriented.

Find a way how to get outta here.

Who's got ideas?

You telling us how to do superhero sh*t?

You f*cking Boy Scout. [CHUCKLES]

- Don't f*ck with our process.

- Yeah. [LAUGHS]

Welcome to my world.

Ay, but let me know when you

guys want a problem solved.

'Cause I have an idea.

[SCOFFING] What the f*ck is that?

A rock.

[RUMBLING]

- Oh yeah! Rock beats scissors, m*therf*ckers! [LAUGHS]

- Nice!

Not bad, for a normie.

Told ya I had 'em right

where i wanted 'em.

[GRUNTS]

Let's go get my stolen longevity.

What about Larry?

Oh, right.

Ay, we got him.

[CLIFF] Sweet.

Smell you fools later.

[LAURA] Oh, my God. My

insides feel so weird.

Like my liver's where

my lungs should be.

Did you move anything around

when you were inside me?

We said we don't know that he's dead.

We don't know that he's not.

You know, when you k*ll a fly,

what do you see?

Bit of blood, some white goo.

Maybe a broken leg or two mixed in

with some crumpled wings

that may never fly again.

Point is, is that if he, you

know, he really had k*lled him,

then there'd be, you know, he'd have

left something disgusting behind.

Like blood.

Feces, droplets of urine sort of thing.

You mean, like this?

[MOUTHING] f*ck.

Um

You know what? We should

just focus on something else.

Like this mountain of

papers we brought back.

Maybe there's something in here

that will tell us about this,

you know, Immortus fellow.

Um, we may have more

immediate fish to fillet.

[READS NOTE] Gone to

Orqwith for J's longevity.

And rescue Larry if there's time.

That's it. Larry's longevity, gone.

Well, we don't know that for sure.

It's Larry. Trust me, it's gone.

[SIGHS]

Cliff's officially the last

longevital man standing.

Uh-uh. And he's just marched his

metal tuchus into the lion's den.

We have to go after them.

- Does this note tell us how they got there?

- No.

It's a stupid note.

This is a stupid note.

Okay. Well, fine. Back to plan A.

We'll go through Wally's papers and, uh,

see if there's there's

a map or something.

Some kind of map that would

give us, um, you know

Best of luck to you.

Um, okay, where where are you going?

Upstairs. To quietly expire.

Right. Well, you go enjoy your nap.

Whilst I look at this shite

art. I mean, what the f*ck?

[CLIFF] Okay, I get we're

looking for your longevity.

But what the f*ck does your

longevity even look like?

[JANE] f*ck if I know.

[CLIFF] What do you remember?

Purple.

Purple, wha That's it?

That's all you remember?

I was a f*cking baby!

- [CLIFF] Oh, sh*t.

- [JANE] And there it is.

How the f*ck are we gonna get past these

beauty school dropouts?

Also, how do they dress

themselves. Or pee?

What?

Hey! Edward Scissorfucks!

Listen up, fuckos!

Back away from the lava lamp.

Or I'll f*ck the tinman's

longevity into kingdom come.

- Tinman, really?

- Shut up, R2-dipshit.

That's my girl.

[WALLY] No need for that, friend.

[CLIFF] What the f*ck?

You again?

I have something to

offer you, Mr. Steele.

A world of possibilities.

[CLIFF] f*ck's that supposed to mean?

It doesn't f*cking matter because

we're not f*cking interested.

- Yeah.

- So you can go f*ck yourself into oblivion.

f*ck yeah!

Is that true, Cliff?

Are you not interested in seeing

the limitless potentialities

that Immortus has to offer you?

- Mm.

- A future, Cliff.

Which, from what I understand, you

don't have much of at the moment.

[CLIFF] Um

f*cking A right, he's not

interested. Tell 'em, Cliff.

- Err

- Cliff!

I mean, we could, just, you know,

just listen to the guy, right?

[JANE] What? What the

f*ck are you talking about?

[CLIFF SIGHS] Go on.

Hey, is that something?

[VIC] I know that blue

glow. That's Larry and Keeg.

[DERIC] So how do we

get around those guys?

[VIC] Man, I f*cking hate those guys.

Can you drop some more boulders?

[DERICK] Nah, there's too many of 'em.

You wanna get to your boys,

we're gonna have to fight.

My arm cannon? Why'd you draw that?

Are you kidding me?

'Cause it's f*cking dope.

Damn

Here, you take it.

Thanks, but I was thinking it

might look pretty badass on you.

Really?

Yeah.

- [CANNON WHOOSHES]

- Oh my [LAUGHS]

Yo, this does feel nice.

So what about you? What's

your w*apon of choice?

- [KNOCK AT DOOR]

- Go away!

Does go away mean something

different in Scotland?

Yes, it means stop

being a silly old sausage

and help me build an

interdimensional portal to Orqwith.

I beg your pardon?

I found the schematics

in creepy Walt Disney's doodlings.

I also found the parts we need,

and a few we don't, if

you know what I mean.

Now all I need is Y-O-U.

Which spells you.

It's always best to

have a second set of eyes

when you're attempting to

rip a hole into space time,

that's what I always say.

The thing is, as it turns out, I'm

lousy at this superhero business.

And I'm far too busy feeling unmoored

and useless to build a portal today.

Oh, now, come on, Bendy.

That's not how I see it.

You know, we would've never

gotten into the Ant Farm

if it wasn't for you.

Where I proceeded to

erase out of existence

our best bet at finding information

on Immortus and

recapturing our longevity.

True. And we found a schematic,

which will get us to the place

where Immortus is being raised,

so we can find actual Immortus.

So let's get a-building, sister.

Whoa, there we go! And

she's back. Elasti is back.

How could you let me go

to the Ant Farm with you?

You insisted, remember?

But you're the leader. You should've

exercised better leadership.

Are you f*cking kidding me?

Have you any idea how upset I was

when Wally was smooshed

out of existence?

You know, I was gonna rescue him

from the miserable life

that I sentenced him to.

Are you telling me I've ruined

your chance to redeem yourself

with the person you

ordered to k*ll my lover?

Whoa there, Nelly.

Let's just press that cancel

and continue button, shall we?

Because, you know what?

You and I were good.

We were on the path to goodness.

Remember? Little girls, holding

hands? Sweet as sugar pie?

Let's not let one little smooshy

hiccup take us two steps back.

What do you say? You know, we could

just take a deep, cleansing breath

and just, you know, release the tension.

I'm not feeling very in control

of my emotions right now,

so you might not want to

be in the same room as me.

In fact, I'm feeling a bit

bloaty, if you know what I mean.

Okay.

- Do you want me to shut

- [YELLS] Shut the door!

[DOOR CLOSES]

[WALLY] I was miserable at the Ant Farm.

Imprisoned and forced to

create monstrous weapons.

That's when Niles Caulder introduced

me to the Immortus project.

Of course, Niles was

involved in this shitshow.

f*cking Niles.

He said there was a piece of an ancient,

immortal being somewhere in the world.

He wanted me to create a

creature that could sniff it out.

Like one of those corpse-sniffing dogs?

Yes, exactly. Very good, Cliff.

What?

At first, I refused.

But then, he told me about

the girl with powers like mine.

He needed a piece

of this being to protect her.

It was a chance for me to

finally do something good.

[DONKEY BRAYING]

What the f*ck?

Months after, Niles returned to tell me

Peanut Butter was successful.

- The f*ck's Peanut Butter?

- The donkey, dipshit.

- Oh.

- [WALLY] Niles showed me the piece

of this immortal being.

The Lord Immortus.

- That's when I saw it.

- What?

Everything.

- Everything?

- Immortus can create new possibilities

for everyone.

All that's left now, is you, Cliff.

I want you to see for yourself

what I saw.

The possibilities.

I don't know what to say,

except f*ck that, and f*ck you.

Booyeah.

You ready?

Hell yeah.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh.

Who wants a taste?

Eat sh*t, you motherf

Whoa!

I'm all good, man. [COUGHS]

Get 'em, Vic.

[CLANKING]

[GRUNTING]

- You okay, D?

- [GROANS] I think I broke my ass.

Not as easy as it looks, huh?

Nope. Ugh. Not like that at all.

- Here, take it.

- No.

What? What do you mean, no? Bro,

they're coming. Just take it.

I said no!

Is that Niles' longevity necklace?

It is. I got it from a fellow acolyte.

Touch it.

And see your possibilities.

Whatever. Touch the stupid thing.

So George RR Windbag

can shut the fart up

and we can get the f*ck out of here.

Really? 'Cause a minute ago, you

told him to f*ck himself sideways.

Do you wanna touch this weirdo's

shriveled up d*ck charm or not?

- Okay.

- Cool.

The f*ck?

[GRUNTING]

I got your back, D.

Put your weight on your

back leg to absorb the kick.

Use the top of the notch to aim.

Fire!

Nice!

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Damn it!

[BOTH PANTING]

Let's go get Larry.

[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]

f*cking hell.

Ah!

Wow, she lives,

she moves.

Feeling better?

[GROANS SOFTLY]

- How about now?

- [SIGHS]

Okay, sulking begets more sulking.

So it's time you got

back on the proverbial.

I'm not sulking.

Just reached a realization, which

I'm embracing wholeheartedly.

Everything I touch turns to sh*t.

Not literally.

That would be disgusting.

But it In some

ways, it would be better

than how I actually turn things to sh*t.

Hmm, okay, well, you know Rita,

my personal track record

isn't that much better.

I have failed at most things I've tried.

Revenge against Niles. Joining

the Brotherhood of Evil.

Being a good friend to the only

people I've ever really cared about.

But the thing is, in life

you are either trying to head

up or trying to head down.

And sometimes just trying

has got to be good enough.

Now our friends are in

trouble, and I would rather fail

at trying to save them than

succeed at doing nothing.

When we were trapped in my movie

and you didn't try to save me,

was that you trying to head

up or trying to head down?

I wanted to help, but I couldn't.

I couldn't figure out how.

So, I had a few drinks to get

the creative juices flowing

and instead, I came up with creative

ideas on how to continue drinking.

But, um

[CLICKS TONGUE]

You're right to remind

me of that failure, too.

[SIGHS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

And sometimes I think that the universe

is conspiring to keep us enemies.

I was thinking maybe

we shouldn't let it.

f*ck the universe.

- [GLASSES CLINKING]

- [CHUCKLES]

I don't know what the f*ck this

is, but I'm glad you came with me.

I didn't want to come here, dipshit.

I was trying to gank

the longevity necklace.

Why?

For longevity, assh*le!

Isn't that why we're here?

- What about Larry?

- Him, too.

What the f*ck?

Paper goods, the worst aisle.

This is my world of possibilities.

Forget all this.

We need to get the hell out of here.

Yep.

Dad!

Clara?

Is Rory with you?

- What?

- Dad, where the hell is Rory?

- Uh, oh

- Cliff, this isn't real.

Uh, he's not with you?

Does it look like he's with me?

You were supposed to be watching him.

- Cliff.

- Rory! Rory, honey!

What is this?

This is bullshit, is what it is.

- But but

- But but, this is a lie.

Okay? Don't get sucked in.

Yeah.

Dad, help me.

- Cliff. Don't

- Coming, sweetheart!

f*ck!

[DEREK] That was so dope!

Why would you ever wanna

give this hero gig up?

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, you know, Calvin and

Marcus could have seen us.

Uh-huh.

Man, bro. You still don't

know what this means to people.

You're right. I don't.

Back home, you were

bigger than Superman.

Great.

Yo, what's up, man?

Doesn't this mean anything to you?

Yo, man, I'm so sick

and tired of hearing

what being Cyborg means

to you and everyone else.

Do you want to know

what my tech meant to me?

It meant waking up from the

darkest, emptiest sleep I ever had,

to a body that I didn't even

recognize and a face that wasn't mine.

Yo, I lost everything.

My mom, football, girls, and my friends.

That's such bullshit.

You never lost us. You left us.

You really don't think

I wanted to see you guys?

That I needed you?

sh*t, you was my family.

I couldn't even look myself in the face.

So how could I have

possibly faced y'all?

I didn't know.

I'm sorry.

Come on, man.

[VIC] Hey,

Vic and friend.

Derick.

What What are you guys doing here?

C'mon, I know you wanna say it.

Really?

Bro, this is a once in

a lifetime opportunity.

Come with us if you want to live.

I don't think so.

Well, that that looks f*cking

terrifying, is how it looks.

[RITA LAUGHS]

It looks like the door to a nightmare.

It does, it does, and we're

going to go through it,

like f*cking morons.

Like f*cking morons!

Not morons, like superheroes.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

I've actually got something to tell you.

- Oh, God, that sounds serious.

- Mm-hmm.

It is It is quite serious.

By the way, um, I

you know when you would

treat me particularly poorly,

which was quite often

- Mm.

- I would do a secret naughty thing with your toothbrush.

I don't need to know. [CHUCKLES]

I would transform

myself into a wee beaver

with big beaver teeth,

big nasty beaver teeth,

and I would shove it right up my wee

I would shove it Shove it!

Right up my wee beaver-beaver.

[BOTH LAUGH]

[CLAPS] I see.

[SOFTLY] I'm so sorry.

Well, I suppose, um [CLEARS THROAT]

I have something to

confess to you as well.

Hmm. Is it? Is it about a toothbrush?

[LAUGHS]

Wally isn't the first

person that I've k*lled.

k*lled The Brain too.

m*rder*d, to be more accurate.

And I don't feel remotely bad about it.

I'm not feeling entirely

bad about Wally either.

And yes, I did watch him k*ll Malcolm,

but one would think that a normal person

would have more than

a pang of guilt, hmm?

Well but, who's to

say you're not normal?

Hey, who's to say?

I [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] also

[CLEARS THROAT]

k*lled a sleazeball producer.

[CLEARS THROAT] Again, accidentally,

and again, without much remorse.

Apparently, a superhero

doesn't make a habit

of k*lling people,

accidentally or otherwise.

So, it just all might have been

a fool's errand for me to

try to become one. [CHUCKLES]

Oh, all of this, why I keep

rambling on is just to say,

I am in no particular position

to have judged you so

harshly after all this time

when I am basically as

bad as you. [CHUCKLES]

As bad as me? Well, I

think you might be worse.

'Cause you are a f*cking serial k*ller.

For f*ck's sake.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Yes.

Yes, you are.

You're a f*cking serial k*ller.

I mean [MIMICS STABBING] you know.

[RITA LAUGHS]

What What is left to

do on this nightmare door?

We dab wacky Wally's green ink.

Oh.

A little dab here and a

little dab there. [CHUCKLES]

- [LAURA SIGHS]

- There could be anything

on the other side of this horrific door.

Our friends are on the other side of it.

[IMPERCEPTIBLE]

Okay, after you, Ms. Wuornos.

[CHUCKLES]

- No, after you.

- After you.

- After you.

- After you.

[RITA] Wait.

Rory, come here, buddy.

- Rory? Rory!

- Cliff, stop!

This isn't real. None

of this is f*cking real!

That's not your daughter.

We're not in Trader Blow's,

and you already know where Rory is.

I know it's not real.

But, it's my possibility, and I

wanna know what the f*ck it is.

God damn it!

If you're going to be a f*cking

idiot, well, can you at least

swing by the home goods aisle

and get a Kn*fe or something?

We're going to need it when

we get back to Dorkwith.

[MAN] That's f*cking heavy.

Grab that.

Rory!

[YOUNG BOY SINGING OVER INTERCOM]

I gotta touch you ♪

Cause baby we'll be ♪

- Rory!

- sh*t.

In the old man's Ford ♪

Behind the bushes ♪

Till I'm screamin' for more!

More! More! Down the basement ♪

Lock the cellar door and baby ♪

He's all grown up.

What the f*ck, Rory?

Are you trying to destroy

me? Because it's working.

- He's f*cking perfect.

- Cliff, stop right-f*cking-now!

He's only like this

when you're around, Dad.

You've undermined my

parenting at every turn.

And now my child doesn't respect me.

When has a fantasy sequence

ever worked out for us?

Pop-pop!

Rory! Rory!

What happened? Where'd he go?

He's right where you left him.

He's waiting for you.

And you can enjoy the formative years

of his life with sound body and mind.

But it's a possibility

only Immortus can provide.

- [GRUNTS]

- Argh.

What are you doing? Let's

get the f*ck out of here.

[JANE] What? No!

Cliff.

You stupid metal assh*le!

Don't do this! Don't

Don't hurt her.

Cliff, you know what this

means for the rest of us, right?

We're your family too, Cliff.

You f*cking moron!

Please!

Rory needs you.

I need you.

God! Cliff, please!

[RUMBLING]

[GROUND SHAKING]

Guys,

something's happening.

Safe travels, fellas.

Larry, stop screwing around.

I'm not screwing around.

Look, you need to understand

that what Keeg saw in

the future was not good.

So not good that he'd rather

stay here in this phony hellhole,

if there's a chance we can avoid it.

And I cannot and will not let

another child of mine down.

I'd rather die than do that again.

Okay, look, this is important to Keeg

and you're trying to

be a good dad. I get it.

But something really not good is

going to happen right here, right now.

You're willing to risk your life

for Keeg's wish, and that's fine.

But are you willing

to risk his life too?

[SIGHS] Hey, pal.

- Come on, let's go!

- [DR. JANUS AND TORMINOX CHANTING]

Get up!

We can break free. We can still do this.

Please don't let this be the end!

[CHANTING CONTINUES]

I know I'm putting my faith

in a whole lot of nothing.

But, I'm doing this for you, Rory.

[OVEN MITT RORY] Are you?

[IMMORTIFIER PULSES]

[JANE SCREAMING] No! Cliff!

[WHIRRING STOPS]

[EXHALES]

[WALLY] Can you feel it?

The time is upon us.

Immortus is nigh!

[TORMINOX AND DR. JANUS CHANTING]

[RITA AND LAURA LAUGHING]

Hello! Is anybody home?

[LAURA] Someone order a rescue?

Oh, wow!

It's like a disco in here.

Ooh, hey, there's Cliffy!

Let's go rescue him.

Ooh yes, let's go get Cliffy.

- We are your Rescue Rangers.

- It's time to go, right?

It's too late. You can't stop it.

Stop that sh*t. Stop that sh*t.

- Nuts to that.

- Yes, nuts!

[BOTH SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

[GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

[GROANS]

Who in the ginger f*ck are you?

Casey?

Father, you don't have to do this.

How can this be?

I never brought you to life.

No. You just drew me into an

endless w*r with my father.

She gave me life.

Jane.

- Are you all right?

- What the hell are you doing here?

Are you Wally Sage?

You're the girl.

Niles' girl.

It's all come full circle.

This is meant to be.

- [RUMBLING]

- This is it!

Immortus is here!

[DR. JANUS AND TORMINOX

CHANTING] Immortus! Imm

[BUBBLING]

Oh, uh.

Did we do this?

I think I think we might.

We saved everyone! Yay!

Wait, wait, wait, what about the booze?

What about the booze?

[BOTH YELLING]

[CHANTING IMPERCEPTIBLY]

Immortus!

[RUMBLING]

Immortus is here!

Hey, you guys.

Isabel f*cking Feathers?

What the f*ck?

[SHRIEKING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]