01x05 - The Alien Lab

[bunniefuu]

Good. A fresh one.

Hello? Do you speak English or no?
Can I use your phone...

Damn, Pony,
we have to be in LA in a week.

How do we get Melanie
out of the mirror?

She has to walk out, obviously.

No, Pony,
the mirror broke, remember?

Oh right. Everything always goes
in one ear and out the other.

But she can only come out of
the same mirror she went into.

So we have to put it
back together?

Yes, but you have to be careful
not to let her reflection out.

You know how they are...
so jealous and tricky. Andrés knows.

No, Pony,
that was my shadow that escaped.

- What a nightmare!
- Everyone at the party

was looking for my shadow.
So embarrassing.

- Yeah.
- Well, let's focus.

Glue.

Yes, move that one.
Move it, move it.

Hold it tightly, but be careful
not to touch it.

It hurts
when I touch it for some reason.

And then the red comes out.

Listen to me, little girl from Ohio.
If you want Melanie back,

you have to reassemble the mirror.
Melanie, mirror.

Keep moving it.
Don't be afraid. Move it.

I already told you over the phone,
I can't help you with the visas.

But we brought the forms
and our photos.

I'm sorry, but only Melanie
can expedite a visa application.

Then what are all
those people doing?

Well, they run the embassy's
Instagram and Twitter accounts.

Basically, their parents have
really good connections.

Listen,
if you give us a chance...

So, Tati, how's
your existential crisis going?

Are you feeling better
about what we talked about?

Yes. I bought these sunglasses
and my confidence skyrocketed.

And I met someone new,
and this time, he really is a prince.

That's right...
old habits die hard.

He's a great listener.
I've told him all about how stressful

this amazing opportunity
with Hierbalite has gotten.

Damn.

- She won't budge.
- She said no to the bribe?

- I didn't bribe her.
- Why not? Were you embarrassed?

Hey, Alexandra...

- Yes.
- One question...

Can we bribe you?

Well, this is the US embassy...
so of course you can.

Thank you very much, Alexandra.

Well, we've been offered a gig,
but I've turned it down several times

because the person seems
really difficult.

But, if we take the gig,
we can use the money for the bribe.

- How difficult could it be?
- What else are we gonna do?

But one of us has to follow up
with the beach gig.

The tourist attraction?
I can go.

No, you can't go alone.

Yeah, you're right.
I should stay here and buy

more Hierbalite products
to sell.

All right, Tati. Go alone.

Dr. Lucrecia?

You're a little early,
but you're here now,

and there's nothing
we can do about it.

I assume you're Renaldo.

Yes, and these are my friends,
Andrés and Úrsula.

Very well, nice to meet you.
I'm Dr. Lucrecia.

This way...
Can you please take off your shoes?

Don't you see
you're tracking mud?

Actually, no, no, no. Keep them on.
I don't want to see those socks.

God, it's so difficult to work
with unprofessional people!

Well, basically, the government
has given me a grant

to finish my research.

A very prestigious grant
that's very difficult to obtain.

And they gave it to me. This grant is

for experiments
with extraterrestrial life.

my movie review website,

because some of us really do
think critically about movies.

Okay, so, what exactly
would you like us to do?

I was literally about to answer
that question

if only
you would've let me finish.

The government wants to come
check in on my research,

that I haven't had time
to work on the aliens.

As you can see, there are no aliens
walking around here.

I don't have any, nor would I
know where to find one.

That's why I need you,
all of you... yes, all of you,

to help me find some aliens

so that my presentation
to the government is a success.

I think we can do that, yes.

I don't know how you can say
that so easily

without even hearing
my specifications.

Can you let me finish, please?!

I need them to be green.
Completely green.

With penetrating gazes
and black eyes.

Oh,
and one very important thing...

I need them to be naked,
completely naked, but with no genitals!

Zero genitals. Do you understand
when I say, "zero genitals"?

Naked but no genitals.

Naked but no genitals.
Do you understand?

Don't make me repeat myself
because it's very embarrassing.

And don't humiliate me
in front of the government.

And one of them
should like E.T.

So you mean small and wrinkly...

No, no, no. E.T.! E.T. E.T.

Understood, yes?

So like long fingers...

No! Goddammit. E.T.!

E.T. Do I have to spell it out
for you? Look at how absurd this is.

- E.T.!
- E.T.

- Let's go.
- Just one sec.

Well, that's everything. Thank you.

Yabba dabba doo!

- Picture!
- Yabba dabba doo!

Well, it's not a sea monster,
but people like it.

Yabba dabba doo!

The beach town that's
fallen victim to a sea monster

now seems to be home
to Marilyn Monroe's ghost,

which has been possessed
by Fred Flintstone.

All this and more on Mira Esto.

Mommy.

I don't feel very well.

Something tells me
I should go to the beach.

Fine. Go get some air
at the beach.

It's time to hold new auditions.

DOWNLOADING: THE KING'S SPEECH
DOWNLOAD ERROR

Renaldo.

Did you... Did you get the script
that we sent you?

Yes, Uncle, it's great.

But I wanted to tell you
we had an issue with the visas.

We still don't have them,
so we can't go to LA,

but we're working on it.

What is the matter,
Tico? Is there a problem?

- No, no problem.
- The problem is the only person

who can get us the visas
is the US ambassador,

and she's kind of trapped.

When are the makeup artists

arriving to help with
the punch-ups on the script?

Really soon. You know,

there's traffic on the way
to the airport, so...

Traffic? No, no, no, no.
That...

what if
they don't even make it here?

Traffic is the worst possible news
you could give me right now.

It's gonna be fine.
They'll be here.

Uncle, I know Bianca Nova

is probably a very busy woman,

but if you could somehow
contact her

and tell her
we had this issue...

but we're working on it
and we'll make it happen.

- She's very important...
- Yeah.

- ...and very busy but...
- Tico. Tico.

Did you save your receipt?
I need the bathroom code.

I don't want to buy a water.

Well, I think that things
are going really good,

and we'll talk really soon.

Okay. Bye.

Hey, Renaldo, I don't know if you read
the script written by our hero,

but... maybe I'm just
in a bad mood

because of all
my parasitic demon drama...

...but the script is really bad.

It's ten pages long,

and it's about a valet
who's a werewolf,

and most of the movie
is about him

trying to find
Anne Hathaway's car keys.

That's awesome!

And the grand finale is that
he finds Anne Hathaway's keys.

Look guys, obviously
it doesn't look good on paper.

It's a visual piece.
That's why she needs us.

Hi, Úrsula.
The PDF you sent me is too big.

I can't scan it
with my antivirus software.

Who knows what you're sending me!
I can't put my PC at risk!

What is this? I mean, really...

Dr. Lucrecia is crazy.
She won't stop sending me voicemails.

I haven't gotten any.

Guys, I know we're all dealing
with a lot...

No, I'm dealing with a lot.

It doesn't look like Melanie's
coming out of that mirror,

so I'm gonna have to get
my hands dirty

and bribe someone for our visas.

And meanwhile, in Tati news,

she owes 200,000 pesos
to a pyramid scheme,

and the CEO is hunting us down.

Look, I'd love to help you,
and I would,

but my parents have seized
control of my bank accounts

à la Britney Spears.

Well, that's different because
she actually earned her money.

Well, yes, but...

okay, wow.

Well, good evening to you
and your family, Miss Úrsula.

Is this little Miss Tati
I've got here?

Yes, yes, that's right,
Mark Stevens, at your service.

Let her go.
Tati, come here.

Oh no, no.
She's not going anywhere.

If you don't get me my money within
the week, I'm gonna put Miss Tati here

in one of our work-without-pay
facilities.

We'll examine her and determine
if she's better suited

for an office job
or doing mindless manual labor

with extremely toxic chemicals
and dangerous machinery.

No, no offices please.

I'm not made for a nine-to-five.

- Where's my money?
- I don't have it yet.

Hello, good afternoon,
I'm looking for Tatiana.

Tati, come, it's for you.

What are you doing here? I told you
I never wanted to see you again.

Besides, I already met
someone else, a real prince.

Tati, that's me again.

- How could you?
- Please, listen to me.

After you told me
about your financial problems,

I knew I had to come
and help you.

My family has so much money.

It would be so easy for me
to make this problem go away.

- Tati, yes, that...
- No!

I don't need your pity
or your money.

My sister and I are proud women,

and I know she would rather work
day and night

and earn every penny herself
rather than have you

waltz in here
and fix everything instantly.

- Now go!
- Let's talk, please...

- Felipe, go!
- Let's talk...

I can't with you anymore.
Leave me alone.

I can't believe I was wearing this
stupid diamond necklace he gave me.

This will get you
another week.

Your Kn*fe, Mark Stevens.

Oh. Thanks.

So then Mariana's dad
called the President,

and in one second,
the problem was fixed.

Marquito, don't tell them that.

Oh, come on,
who hasn't your dad k*lled?

Don't be like that!
My dad is the best.

Babe, can you get me
another beer?

You know, he just proposed
legislation

to prevent maids from voting,

so we don't have to waste time
throwing away their ballots.

Listen, I just want to say

I've having a great time here
with my fiancé

and the most incredible friends
in the world.

Where the f*ck is my beer?

Do you have it? Can I see it?

The DVD that came
was for the wrong region,

so I have to download
the torrent.

- It should be ready in one day.
- One day?!

Patience, demon.

It's a big file, especially
since you wanted it in HD.

You have
two roads ahead of you...

a life with family, duty,
and Juan Carlos

or a life with friends, freedom,
and creativity.

Oh, really? I'm at a crossroads?
I had no idea.

Okay, now you're getting upset.

Maybe I don't even need answers
from you.

This Bianca Nova movie
looks like it's gonna be so bad.

I don't know, maybe I should
just stay here

and resign myself
to marrying Juan Carlos.

Oh, believe me,
you're going to want

information before you
make a decision.

Information I will withhold

until you show me
The King's Speech.

Andrés Valdez?

Andrés Valdez.

Ponce asked you a question.

What's it like being gay?

- No, the other question.
- Oh, sorry...

If you could go anywhere
in the world, where would you go?

Transylvania.

Well, guess where we're going
for our honeymoon?

- I don't believe you.
- Believe it.

We'll sleep all day
in a king-sized coffin,

and stay up all night
and moonbathe on the terrace.

- And scare the locals?
- Of course, of course.

You and me, together
for one week in the castle,

and then here...
for the rest of our lives.

Cheers to Juan Carlos
and Andrés!

Cheers.

The beach.

Tomorrow we...
...Satan's days are numbered...

...What happened
before Mira Esto?

Where do I go
when the lights turn off?

- ...The beach... The beach...
- Mommy, come and look!

...All this
and more on Mira Esto.

Mommy!

I can't believe I fell
for another fake prince.

Wow, look at those sunglasses!
You're one of us.

- Who's that?
- Her husband.

She was worried
about not coming off

as well-rounded,
so she brought him.

Why aren't you wearing
your UFO t-shirts?

Why would the aliens
wear t-shirts that say, "UFO",

their mode of transportation?

Would you wear a shirt
that says "car"?

I would wear one that says
"Kia Picanto," yes.

- I don't see the problem.
- I'm sorry. We didn't know.

- You didn't know?
- No, I knew.

They arrived. They arrived.

Places, everyone.
Don't humiliate me.

Dude, why didn't you say
we had to bring t-shirts?

Oh, because I didn't want to.

You can't make decisions
like that on your own.

We're a team.

Look, let's stay positive
and finish the gig

so we can get the bribe money.

It's easy for you
to stay positive.

You haven't had to deal with her
like me.

Excuse me, please concentrate.

This is very important
for my wife, okay?

Sorry, sorry.

- Oh my god!
- Melanie! She's back.

- You look amazing!
- No, I don't.

I look sh*t because I've been
in limbo for a week.

Great. Now my reflection's out.

- What did I miss while I was gone?
- Yeah, catch me up to speed.

That's what I just said.

Well, these are the aliens

I've been researching
all this time.

You won't believe
what language they speak...

Spanish!
What a coincidence!

This small one you see here,
it's a different kind of alien,

sort of like a pet.

It's like how Pocahontas
has a raccoon,

Mickey Mouse has Pluto,
the Lion King has that bird...

It's the same thing, a pet.

Now I'm going to ask Alien Two
to speak.

No, no, no. You're number two?
No, I meant one.

Get back, please.
Alien One, speak.

Dr. Lucrecia
has been using the grant money

very wisely.

She spends all her time
researching us.

- It never...
- It never ends.

And if you could tell them,
please,

that I'm here working day after day,
and I don't stop.

I bring my lunch from home, and I don't
even have time to eat it. Tell them.

- She eats here.
- No, I bring my salads here and...

- She has to eat the salads here.
- No, no. We can't understand you.

- Many times, I don't have time to eat...
- She doesn't have time

- to eat the salads.
- I don't have time to...

Would you let me speak?
She doesn't have time to eat the salads.

Because I'm working so much. It's very
important to put that in the report.

Let's take a picture?
Let's take a picture!

Let's take a picture.
I think that's a great idea.

Get close, get close.
They won't do anything.

They're peaceful.

Alien Two,
can you take a picture, please?

Go ahead.

Alien Two, no flash, please.

Make sure there's no flash.

I don't like photos with flash.
Do you understand? No flash.

Great. Fantastic.

No Mira Esto tonight?

Thank god
that nightmare is over.

When is Alexandra getting here?

She shouldn't be long.

Guys, I'm sorry
I got so mad at you.

And I'm sorry for what happened
with the t-shirts.

It doesn't matter.
Let's just focus on Bianca Nova.

Okay?

Alexandra?

Yes, but the disguise
is for something else.

We have the money for the bribe.

About that, I won't be able
to help you

because Melanie came out
of the mirror,

and she's furious
and won't give you the visas.

- Damn.
- So, good luck with that.

So why did you tell us
to come here?

You could've said that
on the phone.

Well, I was already coming here
to spy on my boyfriend.

I think he's cheating on me.

Why do you think
he's cheating on you?

Exhibit A.

Did you find them in the car,
or were they in the...

Stop, stop. Sorry, but we really
don't have time for this.

Good luck with everything.
Sorry. Leave us alone.

That's okay. Tomorrow, we'll go
to the embassy in the morning

and find a way to resolve this.

Everything happens for a reason.
Let's take this as a sign.

Reflection,
what are you looking at?

What? I'm just waiting to use
the bathroom before La Voz Kids.

Well, wait outside!
God, I've had it with you.

- Yes.
- Hey, Renaldo.

This is Melanie's reflection.

Look, she won't get you
the visas, but I will.

Yes, amazing, thank you!

Thank you, thank you,
thank you!

Espookys! We got the visas!

Okay... that silence says a lot.

Renaldo, look...
The script is bad, there's no budget,

and I have a lot of problems
to deal with here.

But guys, this is our dream.

Things are going really well
with Juan Carlos and I.

Maybe I shouldn't
throw that away.

So you really don't want to go?

Not anymore, I guess.

Sorry.

If she doesn't go,
I can't go either

because it worries me
to leave her alone.

Okay.

I believe in this.
It's my dream.

I thought it was our dream.

But you know what...

I'm gonna go.

Hi, I'd like to schedule
a root touch up tomorrow.

Reflection, what are you doing?
Get back to bed.