01x01 - Little Miss Hastings

[bunniefuu]

[people chattering]

[horn honks]

Oh, she's here.

[clamoring, cheering]

[crew member] Hey, ladies. I'm sorry.
The audience is full for today.

Please come back tomorrow.

[people groaning, clamoring]

- Baking dish?
- [presenter] The left holds more heat.

Live in two. I need you in the chair.

[presenter] Did you get
the sodium chloride?

- Of course.
- [assistant] Roma or San Marzano?

[presenter] Roma. Thank you, James.

[manager] You never answered my question

about the Presto sponsorship.
And I know how you feel about...

[presenter]
I will start the show with it, Walter.

Really? You're not just saying that?

Oh, good Lord. Thank you.

Uh, cans are on the counter.

Don't forget to smile from time to time.
Have a great show. Bye.

[audience giggling, chattering]

- What kind of salt did she want?
- Uniodized. I went with kosher.

Oh.

It's all gotta be perfect. Labels out.

Uh, it's all in the cue cards.

- [presenter] Oh, don't worry, Walter.
- She's got it.

Welcome, ladies.
The show's about to start.

- Big smiles. Energy. Happy.
- [clamoring, giggling]

Energy. Big smiles. All of you.

And rolling.

We're live in five, four, three...

Welcome, viewers.

My name is Elizabeth Zott,
and this is Supper at Six.

[cheering]

See this?

{\an}Presto Soups.
Cooks so quick, it's done in a presto.

- That's my line.
- It is a real time-saver.

{\an}And that's because it's full of chemicals.
And not the good kind.

{\an}- Hmm?
- There will be a surprise indeed.

{\an}Feed enough of it to your loved ones,
and they'll die off,

{\an}saving you tons of time

{\an}because you won't have
to feed them anymore.

- [audience laughing]
- [sighs]

Today
we will be making a fan-favorite, lasagna,

but we will be testing a new variable.

- Caring for loved ones takes work.
- [children chuckling]

[Elizabeth] Real work.

Anyone who tells you differently
does not cook dinner

for a family of five every night.

So let's make something hearty.
Let's make something delicious.

Let's make something
that keeps our family alive

and gives us leftovers for a week.

Let's get started, shall we?

["Wham (Re Bop Boom Bam)" playing]

[breathing heavily]

[panting, grunting]

["Feudin' and Fightin'" playing on radio]

[music ends]

[sighs]

- [elevator bell dings]
- [people chattering]

{\an}Mmm.

{\an}Miss Zott? Miss Zott?

Good morning, Miss Frask.

I hope you'll sign up
for the Little Miss Hastings Pageant.

Uh, you know,
your lab is in between secretaries,

and your fellas really could use
a contestant.

I am not a secretary.

Well, you know,
lab techs can participate too.

It's any female support staff.

Thank you,
but pageants are not my idea of fun.

Oh. What... What is?

Hmm. Well, I have recently
become fascinated by archaebacteria,

whose cell membranes are ether-link
foster lipids as opposed to bacteria,

whose cell membrane are
ester-link foster lipids.

I also like to cook.

Let me know if you change your mind.

I won't, but thank you.

Now, if you don't mind,

I have a lot to clean up
before the chemists arrive.

I'm gonna put you down as a "maybe."

[water running]

[jazz music playing]

[knocks]

I'm not to be disturbed!

[department head]
Dr. Evans? It's Dr. Donatti.

[Dr. Evans] One minute.

You're not dressed.

Uh, well, in some cultures,
I would be considered overdressed.

- [chuckles]
- [sighs]

You missed
our monthly board meeting again.

[breathes deeply]
Because I've been hard at work.

Everyone is anxiously awaiting
your results.

And everyone will have to wait.

You will be ready to submit your proposal...

- [sighs]
- ...for the Remsen Foundation grant, right?

Because those grants keep
the lights on around here.

I can think of a few lights
that would be best left off.

Now, if you and your foot
will please excuse me.

You do understand
that I'm your boss, right?

Fire me.

[chemist]
Honey, can you clean this up for me?

And bring me those beakers I asked for?

Oh, and, sweetheart,
I could use another cup of joe

when you're done with that.

It'll be a few minutes.
You could go to the cafeteria.

[chemist]
But it's not your special beaker brew.

- [sighs]
- Zott?

Yes, Dr. Powers?

I've run it three times.
What am I missing?

You're not seeing conversion
of the carbonyl group into an imine group.

Right, I just... [sighs]

You forgot the acid catalyst.

[scoffs] Thanks. I got it.

Gentlemen, can you believe this sh*t?

I don't get it.

What does Evans have
that any of us don't have?

[Dr. Powers] He's a shoo-in for the Nobel.

[chemist ] The Nobel Prize is overrated.

It says, "Calvin Evans is
the Richard Feynman of chemistry."

Doesn't give him an excuse
to hoard all our supplies.

- How much ribose does one guy need?
- [chemists chuckle]

Well, Evans better watch his back

because young Boryweitz is coming
for his grant this year.

- [chemists chuckle]
- Good luck with that, buddy.

Looks like it's a rip-off
of Vauquelin's research.

- I'm building on his work.
- Hmm. [clicks tongue] An homage.

- From . [laughs]
- [laughing]

Hand to God,
you got a better chance of winning

- the Little Miss Hastings Pageant.
- [laughing]

- Right.
- Well, that is unless, uh,

- Zott here decides to enter. Huh, boys?
- [chemists jeering] Come on, sweetie. Huh?

- [laughing]
- [Dr. Powers] Was it something I said?

[chattering]

- [Miss Frask] So I said to Robert...
- Fran now calls him Robert.

I said to Dr. Donatti that, you know,

this pageant needs to be sophisticated,
needs to be elevated. It needs pizzazz.

What it needs is an open bar.

- I'm not a miracle worker.
- Yes, you are.

Well, you know what? I might be.

Because, um,
I'm excited to say that he agreed

to an evening gown category,

before talent and swimsuit,
and a cash prize.

[gasping]

[secretary ]
Every day. Dr. Evans and his bag of nuts.

[secretary ]
How can any man survive on that?

And he runs.

Runs where?

He just runs to run. He's very peculiar.

[secretary ]
And he never talks to anyone.

[chemists chattering]

Hey. Donatti put a freeze on overtime.
So don't stay too late, or it's my tail.

- [Elizabeth] I'm right behind you.
- Okay.

sh*t.

{\an}[lock clicking]

[breathes deeply]

Miss Zott, I supervise over a hundred
of the country's finest chemists,

who in turn generate groundbreaking work.

They use equipment worth thousands
of dollars to generate said work.

And so when I hear that a lab tech
is using our equipment

after hours without proper supervision,
it gives me pause.

Sir, I can explain. I have my master's
in chemistry from UCLA,

where I studied cellular metabolism
of nucleic acids.

With all that said, I have been working
in my off-hours, never on the clock,

conducting my own experiments
on abiogenesis.

I am synthesizing simple, small molecules
into nucleotides and nucleic acids.

My research is very promising,
and I intend to submit for the Remsen.

Young lady, setting aside the fact
that you're using lab equipment

without proper supervision of a chemist...

I am a chemist.

Our chemists have PhDs.

I could never put the Hastings name
on the submission of a lab tech

that's proudly waving around
her master's from UCLA.

- I was top of my class...
- Miss Zott...

...and the work will speak for itself.

You are just not smart enough.

Miss Zott, I wasn't finished.

What's this I hear
about you not participating

in the Little Miss Hastings Pageant?

I wasn't aware that it was compulsory.

It is not compulsory.

It is part of the culture here.

[sighs]
I would suggest that you find yourself

a little more of the Hastings spirit,

if you'd like
to keep your employment here.

Now you may go.

A smile once in a while wouldn't k*ll you.

- [people chattering]
- [phone ringing]

Miss Zott.

[clears throat]

Miss Zott?

I hear you're joining us for the pageant.

- How did you...
- So glad you had a change of heart.

So I don't know if you've heard,

but there's an evening gown category
this year.

And also bikinis aren't mandatory.

Feel free to wear a one-piece,
if that makes you feel more comfortable.

Uh, is now a good time for a photo?

- Smile.
- [shutter clicks]

Ah, there she is. The thief.

I beg your pardon?

I have been through every department,
interrogated dozens of chemists...

including ones from this very lab...

who said that you, Miss Zott,
have a history of ruffling feathers.

And perhaps more relevant,

have an arrogant attitude
of self-importance.

Have you heard yourself speak?

Oh. So you don't... you don't deny it?

What would a secretary even have
to do with ribose

aside from sell it on the black market?

- I am a chemist.
- Oh. [chuckles] And a fibber to boot.

Oh, yes. Because there's such high demand
on the black market for monosaccharide!

[Calvin] This is very disappointing!
Very... I'm disappointed.

One: My lab was unlocked last night,

so I want someone to speak to janitorial
and have new locks placed on the door.

Two: I have calculated the cost
of the missing ribose,

and I wanna make it clear,
that will not be coming out of my budget.

Three: I want my floors sterilized.

At least one person entered
without my authorization.

And with my allergies, I cannot risk
any contaminants. You understand?

I'll take care of it, Dr. Evans.

And lastly, I would like the secretary
responsible held accountable.

I'll have her fired.

[groans, stammers] Well,
just a formal reprimand will suffice.

I'm shocked that it was one
of my secretaries, honestly.

- You said it was in the aminos lab?
- Mm-hmm.

So that's Mary Ann Rogers.

No. No, no, no.

Her name was Elizabeth Zott.

[stammers] Oh. She's not a secretary.
She's a lab tech.

[scoffs] Miss Zott should know better.
She has her master's.

- Her master's? In what?
- Chemistry.

Will you be joining us for the
Little Miss Hastings Pageant this year?

'Cause it would mean a lot
to company morale to see you there.

Hmm.

[jazz music playing]

[people chattering]

[Calvin clears throat]

Evans? [chuckles]
Did not expect to see you here.

- Right.
- It's like seeing Halley's Comet.

Come have a drink
with me and the fellas, huh?

Or no one will believe me.

- What's your poison?
- Uh, cyanide or aflatoxin.

[laughs] You're too much, huh?

Boys, say hi to the guy right here.

- The man, the myth, the legend.
- [Dr. Powers] Anthony Powers. Hi.

[chemist]
Mr. Remsen himself, I guess, huh?

What are you working on right now?

Elizabeth. Hi. There you are.

Come follow me.
Come stand with us pageant girls.

- You look great.
- [Elizabeth] Thank you.

- It took me forever to get ready today.
- Hmm.

- Girls, Elizabeth's here.
- Hello.

- [chuckles]
- [Fran sighs] I'll be right back.

The, uh, Swedish meatballs
are running a bit low.

They're a real hit. [chuckles]

[sighs] Fran did such a great job.

- So great.
- [contestants] Mm-hmm.

[sniffs] I love your scent. What is that?

Oh. Black currant berries
with floral tones of roses.

- I'm a classic kind of girl. Chanel No. .
- Mmm.

Elizabeth, what scent do you wear?

Oh, I... I don't. In the lab, your sense
of smell alerts you to potential dangers.

And I'm already at a deficit due
to a hydrochloric acid accident

when I was an undergrad.

I singed most of the cilia in my nostrils,

but thankfully they restored
themselves over time.

So I'm not taking any more chances.

[chuckles]

[stammers] Calvin Evans is here.

- [gasps] You're sweet on him, aren't you?
- [groans, scoffs]

Smart, well-to-do, famous.
What's not to like?

[chuckling]

Try talking to him.

Well, two more of these,
and I'm going to ask him to vote for me.

[chuckling]

[mumbles]

Excuse me.

[sighs]
I'm just gonna stand here with you.

All right.

[chewing, sighs]

You shouldn't let the other chemists
pick on you so much.

Oh. [chuckles]
It's just fellas being fellas.

Hmm. Male primate behavior.

Please, everyone, take your seats.
Take your seats.

[applause]

Pageant contestants,
can I get you backstage?

Thank you.

Welcome, welcome, welcome. I'm Fran Frask...

- [Calvin] Miss Zott, I have wanted to...
- [Fran] ...acting head of Personnel.

[applause]

And I couldn't be more excited
to welcome you

to the eighth annual
Little Miss Hastings Pageant,

where one lucky woman
will take home the crown

worn by last year's winner Colleen Murphy.

[audience cheering]

Yes. Yeah, she looks great.
Uh, and a $ cash prize.

- [person gasps]
- Thank you, Colleen. [chuckles]

I will also be joining
the competition this year.

But feel no pressure to vote for me...

[chuckles] ...unless you care
about getting your vacation days approved.

- [laughing]
- [Fran] I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

And without further ado,
I'd like to introduce tonight's emcee,

Dr. Richard Price.

[applause]

Thank you. Thank you, Miss Frask.

Wonderful. What a night.
Pretty good turnout tonight.

Okay. [stammers] Oh, wait.

Hey, before I get started, uh,
just a... a quick question from management.

Did anyone here lose an electron?

- [audience chuckles]
- You really gotta keep an ion it.

- [laughing]
- [Richard] Ion?

- Everybody got it?
- Ions. [laughs]

Okay.
Folks, let's get started with the show.

Now, please keep in mind,
these ladies have worked very, very hard.

{\an}So please, everybody, let's all make like
a proton... [chuckles] ...and stay positive.

[laughing]

All right. And now, ladies and gentlemen,
the moment we've all been waiting for.

I give you your Little Miss Hastings
contestants.

- Here they are. Oh, fantastic.
- [applause]

Aren't they charming? Look at that.

Miss Synthetics, what would you make
your future husband for dessert?

{\an}- [people chuckling]
- [chuckles]

{\an}Well, I'd start with two scoops
of vanilla ice cream,

{\an}and I'd squeeze chocolate sauce
all over them.

{\an}And you'll have to vote for me if you
wanna hear how I apply the whipped cream.

{\an}- [chuckles] Okay.
- [cheering, whistling]

{\an}Miss Zott, where would be
your fantasy honeymoon location?

{\an}I don't intend to get married.

{\an}[audience murmurs]

{\an}Ye... Okay, yes. But if you did?

{\an}- I won't.
- [chuckles]

[Richard clears throat] Okay.
Well, uh, Miss Zott, everyone. Miss Zott.

I can't stop thinking about you.

- [whistling]
- [audience giggling]

[audience cheering, whistling]

- [Richard] Ladies and gentlemen. Now to...
- Honey. Hi.

- [Richard] ...lift our spirits with...
- You're here.

- [sighs] Carol's fever broke, so I...
- [Richard] ...a cheer, here is Personnel's...

- ...thought I'd join you for some fun.
- [Richard] ...Miss Fran Frask. [chuckles]

♪ , men of Harvard want victory
Today... ♪

You know, some, uh,
sex appeal wouldn't hurt, Zott.

You've kind of been embarrassing
the Amino Acids team.

Uh, look at Jenny, huh?

[chuckles] This is a great outfit.

[Jenny] Thanks. My lab paid me ten dollars
to show some skin during my talent.

- [clicks tongue] Smart.
- [Jenny chuckles]

[Fran]
♪ ...of Harvard gained victory today ♪

[cheering]

[Richard] Wow! How about that?

Fran Frask, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you, Miss Frask.
That was wonderful. My goodness.

- I heard that hydrogen...
- Nancy Donatti. [chuckles]

- [Richard] ...and carbon went on a date...
- [grunts, clears throat]

- [Richard] ...and it went really well.
- Hmm.

- [Richard] They really bonded.
- I heard a great deal about you.

[chuckles]

[stammers] Mrs. Donatti, is there...
is there benzaldehyde in your perfume?

- [Richard continues speaking]
- What? I... I don't know.

- [chuckles] It's from Paris.
- [audience laughs]

- Oh, God. Uh, my allergies.
- Oh. Oh.

[Richard] ...talents of Elizabeth Zott...

- [Nancy] Huh.
- [Richard] ...Miss Aminos!

- [Calvin grunting]
- [gasps] Oh.

- [retching, coughing]
- [people gasping]

- [Elizabeth] Oh, my goodness.
- [groaning]

- [coughing]
- [Elizabeth] Dr. Evans?

Oh, no. No. I need to go home.

Correct,
but you shouldn't drive in this condition.

I don't drive. [clears throat]
It's only seven miles. I'll... I'll walk.

All right. I'll take you then.

- But you hate me. [wheezing]
- Oh, for Christ's sake.

[wheezing, coughing]

- [groaning]
- [Elizabeth] Okay, uh... It's okay.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Please stop apologizing.

It can't be helped. The glottis closes.

The abdominal muscles clench,
increasing pressure.

The pyloric sphincter closes.

- Only way out is upwards.
- [stammers] No, I meant

I'm sorry I called you a secretary.

There's nothing wrong
with being a secretary.

[Calvin] No, of course not.
But... [stammers] ...to... to assume was...

was wrong and... and buffoonish,
and I... [belches] Oh, God.

- [Elizabeth] Let's get you inside.
- [sighs, wheezes, coughs]

- Oh, dear God.
- [Elizabeth] Oh. Oh.

[Calvin coughs, groans]

You have nothing in your cupboards.

Yeah, I... I sometimes forget to eat.

You have one fork.

I don't entertain.

Hmm. Well, miracle of miracles,
I found a kettle.

Hey, I just... I want to apologize
once more for the other day.

- I was, uh...
- I can't accept your apology.

I-I would like to, but you don't know
what you're apologizing for.

And so the entire exercise is meaningless.

Yes, I did borrow some of your ribose.

Some of a very plentiful supply,
if I might add.

But you have all of the resources

and the rapt attention of
the entire scientific community,

and you take it for granted.

You must be intelligent,
based upon your myriad of accomplishments.

But you walk around like a... like a...
like a paranoid, ungrateful, fragile man.

So to respond to your comment earlier,
I don't hate you. I just...

I don't like you.

Thank you.

Oh, I... Uh, I have something for you.

It's the only reason
I came to the party tonight.

To bring me ribose?

You have your master's in chemistry.

[Elizabeth] I do.

You didn't want to pursue a PhD?

It was a complicated situation.

I'm sorry you didn't get to finish
the competition.

Oh, no. I'm not.

[Calvin] What about the cash prize?

- Blood money.
- [kettle whistling]

May I ask you a question?

I can't promise I'll answer.

What was your talent gonna be
for the pageant?

I was going to place a tomato
in a bowl of boiling water.

As you know,
heat causes molecules to excite.

The flesh of the tomato expands
on the peel.

Then I place it in a bowl of cold water
for approximately seconds,

and the peel slides off easily.

You would have won.

Good night, Dr. Evans.

[panting]

[parent] Watch for cars!

- [child] Dr. Evans!
- [panting]

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

[child] What's your favorite color?
Guess mine.

Your favorite color? Hmm, that's hard.

Let's see. I don't know. Aquamarine?

[child] That's not a color.

[Calvin] Well, color is phenomenological.

[parent]
Linda, can you come finish, please?

[Calvin] Morning, Harriet.

[Harriet] Morning, friend.

[Calvin] Oh, these people are shameless.

- [Harriet] Mmm.
- [Calvin] Morning.

[Harriet] More long-lost relatives
looking for long-lost money?

Mm-hmm. I never should have agreed to be
on the cover of Scientific American.

Ah, once again,

same woman claiming to be my mother
every couple of weeks like clockwork.

If your real mother was alive,
she'd be proud you did that cover.

[exhales deeply] What's all this?

{\an}They wanna connect the Freeway from
downtown all the way to Santa Monica.

Bulldoze right through our backyard.

But people live here.

Now, question is, which people?

{\an}Stop it. You're doing it wrong.

{\an}Linda, sweetie, it's okay.
Just let him play.

Uh, you mind watching them again for me
next Tuesday? I have a committee meeting.

- Of course. Of course.
- Thank you.

[Richard] Miss Zott,
can I have a word with you?

Could you please keep the door open?

Your little stunt at the pageant made
the whole Aminos department look foolish.

As your supervisor,
your behavior reflects poorly on me.

This is not how I run my department.
I expect a better attitude.

Embarrass me again and you're done.

[breathing shakily]

[timer ticking]

[people chattering]

May I join you?

You may.

You made that?

Would you like to try some?
I assume you haven't eaten all day.

Oh, no, no. I have...
I have a sleeve of saltines in my desk.

Hmm. You must be very constipated.

Thank you.

Mmm. Wow. That's...

I've never had, uh... That's perfect.

It's not perfect,
but it has the potential to be.

This is my th attempt.

My current focus is cheese.

- Cheese?
- Mmm.

At about degrees, the solid milk fat
in the cheese liquefies,

and the bonds holding together the casein
proteins break. But the melt isn't smooth.

It isn't?

No. Which is why I've been
experimenting with sodium citrate.

The sodium substitutes for
some of the calcium

that's causing the proteins to cling,
so when the cheese heats...

Proteins separate from each other,
acting as emulsifiers,

strengthening the emulsion
by holding water and fat together.

Precisely.

And you needed my ribose
to perfect your lasagna recipe?

No. Lasagna is my dinner.
I needed your ribose for my research.

Oh.

Ninety-nine percent of
the human body is made up of carbon,

hydrogen, nitrogen, oxygen, calcium,
phosphorus, with a few ions thrown in.

But how did we get to
this level of complexity here on Earth?

The two of us sitting here
at this table, talking,

going from a soup of atoms
and small molecules to now with...

That is what I'm trying to uncover.

Abiogenesis.

You're interested in it?

Keeps me up at night.

Me too.

I've read your past papers,
but what are you working on currently?

Uh... [clicks tongue]
...I'm doing exploratory research on...

on natural enzyme identification,
isolation, classification.

It's... That smells good.

- Is that mashed potatoes?
- [Elizabeth] Oh. Mmm.

Excuse me.

Mmm. Man alive.

No, no, no. That-That doesn't
make any sense, 'cause that...

that doesn't explain
how you closed the ring.

Sure. But when
a polyphosphoric acid is applied,

it creates phosphate esters with
a high monoester content. See?

Mmm. That's a pretty good point.

[timer dings]

It is a bit of a chicken
and egg situation,

but if you consider Occam's razor,

would nature choose a system that is more
complex to create something less complex?

Hmm. So RNA world theory?

Miss Zott, I'm gonna be needing
one of your special cups of joe

to get me through this afternoon.

Right.

[Elizabeth] Of course, I would be much
further along in my research

if I wasn't making excellent coffee
for mediocre chemists.

[stammers] You're on the verge of
a major scientific breakthrough.

- You need to talk to Donatti.
- I did. He said no.

That doesn't make any sense. Why?

Sex discrimination.

What?

Well, also politics and favoritism
and general unfairness.

But yes, mostly sex discrimination.

I don't understand.
Why would anyone discriminate based on

something as intellectually
non-determinative as gender?

Calvin, how many female scientists
can you name?

Madame Curie.

Exactly. Do you think that's
just by happenstance?

I don't know.
I hadn't considered it until now.

Of course. You haven't had to, because
people fully appreciate your potential.

This is me.

[sighs]
Raise your hand if you'd like coffee.

- [Calvin] Okay. I've been thinking.
- Oh.

My enzyme research would benefit
from your molecular synthesis work.

So I can talk to Donatti,
tell him to let you work for me,

and then you'd be able
to focus entirely on your own research.

No, Donatti would never hire me
as a chemist. Only a lab tech.

Technically. But you-you'd be doing
independent research, actual chemistry.

You would have free rein.

But I'd be a lab tech to everyone else.

Obviously. In a perfect world,
you... you wouldn't need help from anyone.

But, as you pointed out very lucidly,

you are working within a system
that is pervasively unfair.

For you to operate as if it were fair,
that's... [chuckles]

Can you explain to
me how that makes any sense at all?

I'll... I'll treat you as an equal.

Hell, you're one of
the smartest people in this lab.

Calvin, it doesn't matter if
I work with you or for you.

People will view the work as yours.
I'll never be seen as a scientist.

When you publish as lead scientist,
they will.

[stammers] Are you wearing pajamas?

[stammers] No. That's my, uh,
running gear. I run to and from work.

What does that mean, you run?

I run, you know, for exercise.

I know people find it odd,
but it helps quiet my mind.

Oh.

- Think about my offer.
- [stammers] Oh.

Oh. Calvin?

Yes.

Yes?

Yes.

[chuckles, stammers]
I... I sh... uh, shower in my lab,

so just knock before entering.

Rest assured, I will knock.

Whoo-hoo. [chuckles]

There is protocol, Miss Zott. When you
don't follow protocol, it falls on me.

Do you have any idea
the blowback that I got

when you left the pageant halfway through?

I am sympathetic, Miss Frask,

but I'd really like to
stay focused on my request.

It's a bad idea.

If you need a lab tech, there's plenty
of good fellas for you to choose from.

[chuckles] Oh, boy,
this is s-sex discrimination.

I don't even know what that means.

Miss Frask,
I did not take this decision lightly.

His intentions are purely professional.

Oh, honey, there's no such thing as
a professional relationship

between a man and a woman.

I didn't think you'd be
as foolish as that.

There's a reason he's dead set on you,
and I don't think it's your CV.

How many women chemists can you name,
aside from Madame Curie?

- She's unqualified.
- I didn't come here asking for permission.

I came here to make sure that
the paperwork was filled out correctly.

[Donatti] Evans, you walk around here
like you own the place, which is fine.

As long as
the Remsen funding keeps flowing.

But as soon as the money dries up,
you're gone.

We are colleagues.
Nothing more, nothing less.

No, dear. You're his lab tech.

And I've seen this before. Men are men.

He will change his mind. And then what?

Everything good with Miss Frask?

Boilerplate. And Donatti?

[stammers] A breeze.

Oh, I prefer the door open.

Okay, sure.

So, I organized our equipment in
a way that a sane person might appreciate,

and I swept up the saltine crumbs.

Not because I'm a woman,

but because I can't imagine a worse
substance to be in a chemistry lab.

[Calvin] Hmm.

The underwear is your responsibility.

["Top Flight" playing]

[music volume lowers]

[Calvin]
Did you move the graduated cylinders?

Uh, I thought
the center table was more equidistant.

[music volume increases]

Oh, how can you work
when the music is so loud?

It's the only way I can think.
You moved the spatulas too?

You've never shared space
with someone, have you?

I like things the way I like them.

[sniffs]

[music volume lowers]

Calvin, it's not that I don't like music.

I just don't like this music.
It's, um, cluttered.

Oh, that's what I like about it.
[stammers] It helps me think.

You never know what's gonna
come around the corner.

Oh, a... a trumpet, huh? Here comes
the drums. It's... It's... It's exciting.

Noise. [chuckles, stammers]

Or I just... [stammers]
...appreciate something different.

Um. Predictability. Formulaic structure.

I like the way the chords move,
change, build upon one another,

like basic components into molecules.

[Calvin chuckles]

What?

[people chattering]

You're late.
I already started the first trial.

I, uh,
thought we could alternate every day.

Compromise.

["Feudin' And Fightin'" playing]

What do we have here?

[music continues]

["Mr. B. Pops" playing]

["Feudin' And Fightin'" playing]

["Texas Waltz" playing]

[music ends]

[phone ringing]

- Zott residence.
- Hi. It's Calvin.

Calvin Evans. Your... Your lab partner.

Oh. [stammers]
Calvin, it's almost : p.m.

Yeah, I just... I can't stop thinking
about the last thing you said

about the basic structure
of pyrimidines and purines,

and it led me somewhere
I had previously dismissed.

Nuclein independence?

[Calvin] Yes.

[chuckles]
Hold on. Let me grab my notebook.

I was actually just jotting
something down earlier

about Miescher's theory
on the high phosphorus content of...

Oh. Oh, hold on.

- Oh, sh*t.
- Elizabeth?

sh*t. Um... I have to go.

- What happened?
- I... I just burnt my dinner. [sighs]

Oh, my goodness. [chuckles]
I thought it was something serious.

Well, this is serious.
I don't burn things.

Really? Never? You...
You've never burnt anything?

No. I... I wasn't concentrating.

Well, sometimes mistakes
can be a good thing.

They can lead us
to what we don't expect. [chuckles]

I have to go. Good night.

[Calvin speaks indistinctly]

Okay.

[breathing heavily]

Oh, man.

[breathing heavily] That's it.

[grunts, breathing heavily]
I had an epiphany on my run.

Could you please open the door?

- You inspired this.
- Calvin.

- It's... It's like you said. Occam's razor.
- Calvin.

What if nucleic acids can actually
encode far more complex molecules?

- Like, say, a...
- Calvin, I s... I said, the door!

[Calvin] Elizabeth.

[breathes shakily]

Elizabeth. [stammers] Is everything okay?
Did I do something? [stammers]

This was a mistake.

I don't understand.

[timer dings]

The Maillard reaction quickly browned
the meat before placing it in the oven.

Now, let's see the fruits of our labor.

[studio audience murmuring, gasping]

Oh, my God.

- [gasps]
- [audience murmuring]

- Walter, should we cut to commercial?
- No. I don't know. No.

That was not the intended outcome.

In science, you endeavor to control
every variable of your experiment.

The temperature in your lab,
the number of contaminants,

the correct calibration for
each piece of equipment.

Sometimes you can't count on a formula.

Sometimes you can't control each variable.

Sometimes...

Many times...

things just turn out messy.

Sometimes you will burn the lasagna.

[breathes shakily]

So I guess it's leftovers tonight.

Children, set the table.
Your mother needs a moment for herself.