04x14 - The Lady Is A Tramp

[bunniefuu]

♪ Here we are ♪

♪ Face to face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find ♪

♪ We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go ♪

♪ Makin' it grow ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things

You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

[♪♪♪]

Kate, when you want

to worm something out of Dad,

how do you do it?

I never worm anything

out of your father.

Besides, it wouldn't

work for you.

[GROANS]

What do you need?

I need an increase

in my allowance.

You see, my class is going

on a ski trip.

And before we go,

I have to buy a few things.

Oh, what kind of things?

Skis would be nice.

You already have skis.

But I'm older now.

I need skis that don't

have Snoopy on them.

Hey, Rick.

Hi, Dad.

So, what are you up to?

Nothing.

[STAMMERS]

I mean, I've got

nothing planned.

Oh.

I think Rick

wants to ask something.

Oh?

Nothing important.

It can wait.

Oh.

He needs money

for new ski equipment.

Oh.

So he can go on

a ski trip with his class.

Lucky you have such an

accomplished interpreter.

Dad, everyone's going

on this trip.

I'll do anything. Anything, Dad.

You name it, I'll do it.

All right, I guess there's

a little work

needs doing around here.

Work?

Yeah, you can start

by taking out that garbage.

But Dad, come on--

Out there,

you can clean around

the greenhouse.

Maybe I should just

paint over Snoopy.

All right, I'm going.

I'm going.

[♪♪♪]

[HUMMING INDISTINCTLY]

Well, what are you

gawking at, little boy?

What are you looking for?

The Hope Diamond.

I lost it in here, somewhere.

I'm looking for something

to eat. What do you think?

Why?

Because breakfast is the most

important meal of the day.

But this is just stuff

we threw out.

Why are you

eating garbage?

I left home without

my American Express card, okay?

[COUGHING]

[COUGHING]

Good. Now we both got it.

Look, are you gonna

be all right?

Yeah. I just need

a little vitamin C.

You throwing out

any orange peels?

Look, I've got

to get back in now.

Hey, hey, hey,

don't eat that.

It's gonna make you sick.

Are you crazy?

I know people who would k*ll

for an avocado sandwich.

That's tuna.

Green tuna.

[COUGHING]

By the way, there's some stale

chocolate cake in that one.

You might like it. I had it

last night. It's good.

No, thanks.

I'm watching my figure.

[COUGHING]

Okay, you're Rupert Metcalf.

You're British.

You're thinking of placing

a huge order of toys

with some

brash American woman.

You come here for dinner.

You have shrimp

and caviar off of these.

Are you impressed?

I think it's illegal

for an Englishman to eat

off Princess Di's face.

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

[CHUCKLES]

I'll get it.

Dad...

Hmm?

...have you ever

been embarrassed

about how much money

you have?

Well, sometimes I think

I have more than my share.

What about people

who don't have anything?

I think we should

help them any way we can.

You mean, give them money?

Not just money. If you want

to make changes, get involved.

Oh, like you did in the ' s.

That's right. We had

marches, protests, sit-ins.

Love-ins...

What was your question?

I think you've answered it.

I've gotta finish up outside.

Good boy.

Hi, Edward.

Hey, Dex.

RICK: Hi, Dex.

Hi, Rich.

I told Dexter that we were

having Rupert Metcalf

for dinner on Friday.

And that I was making

the hors d'oeuvres

and he turned pale.

He's still not sure

I'll impress old Rupert.

Are you saying,

we're on thin ice?

I'm saying we're at

the bottom of the lake.

Rupert Metcalf

is a British gourmet.

Hot dogs and peanut crunchies

are not his cup of tea.

I resent that! I haven't made

peanut crunchies in a week.

How about

pigs-in-a-blanket?

[GROANS]

Oh, no, no. Listen,

I'll tell you something,

leave everything to me.

I'll order a nice

poached salmon,

a tureen of duck pâté,

some nice little escargots.

I'll even get someone

to help us serve.

Give the proceedings

a little touch of class.

I told you it would work.

[COUGHING]

Come on, now. You can do it.

I'm-- I'll be fine, just--

Would you stop shoving me?

[WHEEZING, COUGHING]

Dad, Kate, Dexter,

I want you to meet someone.

Grab her!

[GASPS, THEN GROANS]

Dad, I've been thinking.

We've got to find out

who she is

and if she's got a family.

Don't get your hopes up, son.

Life isn't a fairy tale

where everybody lives

happily ever after.

What do you think, Kate?

Is she all right?

No, she's not all right.

She's got a terrible

chest cold.

And I don't think she's had

a square meal in a month.

All she ever eats

is frozen dinners.

And I mean frozen.

She has a terrible cough.

Why can't she stay here

until she's feeling better?

Wouldn't it make more sense

to check her into a hospital?

Well, I don't think

she's that sick.

Why don't we just

let her stay here?

Yeah, just until she's better.

Why don't we get her

into a nice halfway house?

Or a neighborhood shelter?

This could be

the neighborhood shelter.

Well, not for everybody, Dad.

Just for her.

[SIGHS]

How about it?

Come on.

Rick...

I'm very, very proud

of your attitude.

Then she can stay?

I didn't say that.

He didn't say that,

but that's what he meant.

Right, Edward?

Come on. I don't wanna

sound like Scrooge...

So she can stay.

But only until she's better.

Okay, kid.

Who stole my duds?

Hey, you look different.

Save it, kid.

Where are my clothes?

I think my father buried them.

We'll buy you new clothes.

Look, I gotta get out of here.

I got people to see,

appointments to keep.

I'm-- I'm expected.

You can't go out there.

It's degrees.

With the wind chill factor,

it's below zero.

They're expecting four inches

of snow tonight.

What are you,

a teenage weatherman?

Don't you have

any family or friends?

Right now,

I'd settle for clothes.

Look, there must be

somebody I can phone.

Someone I can contact

for you?

No, there's not.

And even if there were,

they-- They wouldn't want

to hear from me anyway.

[COUGHING]

Listen to yourself.

Look, look. Stay

here till you're okay.

You poison your garbage.

You steal my clothes.

You make me dress up

like your father.

You are looking

for a lawsuit.

Not more garbage.

"Arlene's eighth birthday,

November th, ."

"Patterson photos. Seattle."

Hello, operator.

But Dad, if she came

to the party,

she could borrow one

of Kate's dresses

get fixed up and feel good

about herself.

Rick, we can't make

that assumption.

Who knows how she'd feel?

I can't believe the largest

buyer of toys in England

will be here in an hour

and you want him to party with

the leader of the mole people.

Dad, look,

what's more important,

an order

for your business

or giving back a human being

her self-esteem?

Got an answer

for that, Dex?

Yes. Next week,

we're meeting with

a toy buyer from Newark.

She can get back her

self-esteem with him.

Mr. Stuffins--

What is it?

I think your snails

are burning.

Don't call them snails.

They're called escargots.

Yeah, well,

one of your escargots

is trying to crawl

out of the pan.

Excuse me a minute.

Kate, Rick is suggesting

that we invite our guest

to our dinner party.

What do you think?

Darn, I forgot

my other earring.

Aggie, could you bring me

my other earring?

Aggie? She finally

told you her name?

No, but we had to call

her something.

[KATE GASPS]

You know,

you look fantastic.

I do, don't I?

Didn't I do a terrific job

on her hair?

Whose brush did you use?

It took me longer

to talk her into it

than it did

to get her ready.

Ready for what?

Come on, Dad. Ask her.

Ask me what?

Uh, Aggie,

Rick and Kate and I

are getting ready to have

a little dinner party,

as you can see.

We'd like very much

for you to come.

Well, it's...

It-- It's

very short notice...

But I'd be delighted

to attend.

Great.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, in celebration,

how about telling us

your real name?

No.

Why not? We're your friends.

That name's associated with

a past I'd just as soon forget.

Why?

I forget.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

No, tonight I'd--

I won't be me.

Tonight I'll be...

Agatha Winthrop III.

Whoo!

No. Wait. The first.

Why should I

be the third?

[CHUCKLES]

Well, the escargots

have been rescued,

the rolls are rising,

and I'm perspiring.

Ooh, I didn't know

we had company.

You must be Mrs. Metcalf,

I presume.

Miss Winthrop, I'd like you

to meet Dexter Stuffins.

Dexter, Miss Winthrop.

How do you do?

Charmed, I'm sure.

Haven't we met

somewhere before?

You don't expect me

to fall for that line, do you?

You should have heard the one

he tried on me in the kitchen.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Oh, I'll get it.

It's okay.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Mr. Patterson.

What'd you find out?

Look, hold on.

I'll take this

on another phone. Yeah.

So does this mean

I get my robe back?

Maybe. But not these.

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

Will somebody get the door?

I guess she doesn't do doors.

Mr. Metcalf.

Mr. and Mrs. Stratton.

At last.

Let me take your coat and hat.

Thank you.

Well.

Not exactly a fish-and-chip

shop you have here, is it?

Just your

humble little toymaker.

Please come on in,

and I'll introduce you.

RUPERT:

Don't tell me.

You're my dinner companion.

Well, this is

going to be a pleasure.

Agatha Winthrop, I'd like you

to meet Rupert Metcalf.

And this is--

I know where you got

that rosebud complexion.

Bet you don't.

Miss Winthrop

is an outdoor type.

Ah, a sportswoman.

More of a collector.

Yes. You know,

old things.

Like sculpture

and old things like that.

Anything I

can get my hands on.

[CHUCKLES]

Jolly good, yes.

Well, Miss Winthrop--

It is Miss, isn't it?

You and I seem to be

off to a splendid start.

Mr. Metcalf, you absolutely

must try one of these.

Ah...interesting.

What are they?

b*rned snails.

EDWARD:

Rick.

Mr. Metcalf, my son, Rick.

How do you do, sir?

An American teenager.

I suppose you've been

out back hula-hooping.

Hula whating?

Fine young lad.

Yeah. Could I see you

for a minute

in the kitchen,

Miss Winthrop?

Excuse us, sir.

You know, that woman

would look regal in rags.

Do, um-- Do you

believe in miracles?

Ha-ha-ha! You've

got to be kidding.

It's my old clothes.

Well, there are miracles.

[CHUCKLES]

Would you please sit down...

Mrs. Mary McClure?

How did you find out?

I found a picture of you

and your daughter, Arlene.

In your trash bag.

You went into my luggage?

It wasn't locked.

Anyway, I phoned

Mr. Patterson in Seattle.

Who's Mr. Patterson?

The photographer.

He checked back in

his records to November ,

and there you were.

But that's not the best part.

How dare you go

through my things!

Mr. Patterson

found your daughter.

She's a nurse.

She wants to see you.

Look, I don't like you

poking into my business.

I just want to be left alone.

It's because you left

your husband and daughter

years ago, isn't it?

Boy, you are

a regular snoop!

She still wants

to hear from you.

Mr. Patterson gave me

her phone number.

She wants you to call her.

So.

She knows where I am.

I'll be in the living room

if you need me,

and the phone is right there.

Would you care

for some caviar?

Or would you prefer

some duck pâté?

Actually, I'd hoped

to sample

some good, down-to-earth

American fare.

I'm with you. I've looked all

over and couldn't find no ribs.

Mr. Metcalf loved the food,

didn't he?

Think I'll go stick my head

in the oven.

No, no, you can't do that.

Well, thanks for caring,

Richard.

Miss Winthrop's on the phone

in there, Dex.

In that case, I'll just

stand over here and pout.

Speaking of Miss Winthrop,

she'd be in oil, I suppose.

She was. Uh, oil, grease.

Shopping malls.

I knew it.

I can spot old money

like that.

I wonder what's

detaining the dear lady.

I'll check it out.

So tell me, Mr. Metcalf,

how do you like America?

Oh, I love it!

I can't wait

to immerse myself

in your culture.

Well, New York

has a lot to offer.

I was thinking of Disneyland.

Dad, Kate, can you

come here, please?

BOTH:

Sure.

Excuse us.

She's gone.

Why?

Gone?

Yep. She left

Arlene's phone number.

I'll bet she

didn't even phone her.

Who's Arlene?

Mrs. McClure's daughter.

Who's Mrs. McClure?

Miss Winthrop.

Miss Winthrop is Mrs. McClure?

Yes.

How do you know all this?

The photographer told me.

What photographer?

Mr. Patterson.

Who's Mr. Patterson?

Never mind him,

I'm still working

on Mrs. McClure.

She's gone!

Mrs. McClure?

Now, you've got it, Kate.

Where did she go?

I don't know, Dad,

but I've got to find out.

I'll come with you, son.

What should I do

about Mr. Metcalf?

You're an executive.

Think of something.

Maybe the park.

We've been to the park.

Maybe the mall.

We've been to the mall.

Maybe the greenhouse.

We've been to the greenhouse.

Rick, come on. We're tired.

We're starving

and we're freezing.

Now we know

how she feels, Dad.

Try the greenhouse again.

WOMAN:

Buzz off!

Open up, Mrs. McClure.

WOMAN:

No McClure here.

Wrong address.

Please open up.

We're getting frostbite.

Where were you born,

in a barn? Close that door.

Why did you leave?

Bloomingdales

was having a sale.

How about coming back

up to the house

where it's warm

and we can talk.

I don't want to talk.

Do you mind?

You forgot this.

It's your daughter's

phone number.

If I gave you a bus ticket,

would you go to Seattle?

Would you have offered

Miss Winthrop

a bus ticket?

No. I would have offered

her a...plane ticket?

First class or economy?

First class.

I'll take it.

All right. I'll make

a reservation.

You can pick it up

at the airport.

You don't trust me

with the cash.

You want cash?

Uh, you know something?

You got yourself

a pretty nice kid there.

Nosy.

But nice.

So think she'll go?

Your guess

is as good as mine.

You mean, after all this,

she could go back

to being a bag lady?

If she feels like it.

Unlike most

of those poor souls,

she has a choice.

Let's hope she makes

the right choice.

Well, whether

she does or not,

you did all

you could to help her.

You did good, son.

Thanks.

And Rick?

Yeah, Dad?

From now on,

I'll take out the garbage.

To Eddie Toys.

Here, here.

To Metcalf's of London.

To me.

She's right, Eddie.

The lady deserves a bonus.

Rupe, old boy,

she's going to get one.

To Miss Winthrop,

wherever she may be.

Indeed.

KATE: Yes.

Seattle, you say?

There was some talk

of Seattle, yeah.

And an airline?

I can't say more.

I wonder if she's

buying Boeings.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]