04x16 - Daddy Rick

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are, face to face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find

We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Making a go

Making it grow ♪

♪ Together

We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together

Taking the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things

You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and I... ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I... ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

Excuse me, Dad, sorry.

Comin' through.

I'm late! I'm late!

Oh-ho!

What's your hurry?

I'm getting married today.

Why is the father

always the last to know?

It's for my consumer

economics class.

Mr. Williams had us take

compatibility tests.

and he's announcing

who got matched with who.

What's that got to do

with economics?

It's a pretend marriage.

We pick careers,

which gives us our income,

then we plan budgets

and stay within them.

Stay within a budget?

That is

a pretend marriage.

We exchange vows

and everything, you know--

Till this course

do us part.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

I'm sure you'll be

very happy together,

whoever she is.

I'm hoping

she's April Keating.

Why, does she have a good

head on her shoulders?

And a body to match, heh.

[CHUCKLES]

I'm in a hurry, Dad.

Yeah, I'll drive you.

A fella shouldn't have to walk

to his own wedding.

♪ Dum dum da dum, dum dum-- ♪

♪ Da dum, dum dum-- ♪

Whoa!

What about breakfast?

None for me, honey. I told

you, I got that meeting.

Yeah, none for me

either, Kate.

Rick,

I asked you this morning

if you liked

your eggs scrambled.

Yes, but I thought

you meant in general.

No, I meant specifically

this morning.

I'm-I'm sorry,

Kate,

but I've gotta run,

heh.

Yeah, he doesn't want to be

late to his wedding.

[SMOOCHES]

I can't believe you ended up

with April Keating.

What's not to believe?

We're a perfect match.

[SMOOCHES AIR]

Well, we'd better hit

the books, Barbara.

This is gonna be fun.

[GIRLS CHUCKLE]

Here, uh...

Why don't you take these?

I guess we better

leave too, honey.

If you ever call me "honey"

again, I'll k*ll you.

Whatever you say, dear.

I love the way she walks

when she's angry.

Heck. I love the way

she walks, period.

[CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS]

[CHUCKLES]

You're sorry you didn't get

paired with April, aren't you?

What, me? No.

Heck, no.

You're lying,

aren't you?

Yeah, heh.

No offense.

Lucky for you,

we're friends.

I'm just glad I didn't get

paired up with Carl Knudsen.

I sat next to him

at lunch today.

Carl's a real quiet guy.

Heh. You've never heard him

eat soup.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Okay, so let's see

where we are.

Well, we add up all

our expenses in that column,

and our income from

two jobs in that one.

I already did that,

and we come out even.

Well, that's great!

With this budget,

our happy home can survive

anything Mr. Williams

throws our way.

[LAUGHS]

Not so fast.

We didn't open

the hazard envelope.

♪ Dum da dum dum ♪

♪ Dum dum ♪

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Rent control overturned.

Landlord raises rent percent.

Oh, no.

Now what'll we do?

One of us doesn't eat.

Which one?

The one with

the biggest mouth.

[LAUGHS]

Let's see this.

I've got another way

of saving money.

What's that?

Eliminate

your makeup allowance.

There's no sense in throwing

good money after bad.

[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY]

Come here.

Uh-uh! No, heh.

I fell for that the last time.

No, this time is different,

I promise.

Okay, heh.

[CHUCKLES]

Ooh!

Heh, I lied.

You make another cr*ck

like that,

and I'll finish this course

as a widow.

Yeah. Yeah,

I believe you too.

I gotta go.

I'm meeting my boyfriend.

Boyfriend?

You're cheating on

your husband already?

Come here.

Forget it.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay. Goodbye.

Kate wants to know

if you're gonna have dinner?

No, I'm meeting Alfonso

at Burgers.

He's meeting Alfonso

at Burgers!

KATE:

Why didn't

he tell me?

Why didn't you tell her?

I was going to,

but then Beth came over,

and we started doing

our homework.

Before I knew it--

He forgot!

Dad, what's this

with Kate?

She spent more time in

the kitchen in the last week

than in the last year.

Son, there's a very good

reason for that.

And when I find out what it is,

I'll let you know.

Wanna sh**t a few baskets

before you take off?

Sure.

Let's do it.

KATE:

You know,

I didn't wanna say this,

but it really

bothers me

when people don't

tell me their plans,

and just leave me

high and dry.

Never mind.

So how's life

with April?

Well, she's conceited,

stuck-up, and self-centered.

Just once I'd like to discuss

how good I look.

How's Barbara?

Does she still follow you around

like a lovesick puppy?

Yeah. A St. Bernard.

I can't take her

any longer.

What'cha gonna do?

I'm gonna ask her

for a divorce.

I'd like to be there

when you do.

I've never seen a St. Bernard

chew up a chihuahua.

See you guys.

See ya.

Hi, Mr. Stratton.

Bye, Mr. Stratton.

Bye, Brad. Bye, Alfonso.

Hi, Rick.

Oh, good.

You're home.

I was afraid you were gonna

be late. I am making lasagna.

Oh, no.

I thought you liked

my lasagna.

Honey,

I love your lasagna,

but Dan Andrews has tickets

to the Knicks game.

I told him

I'd go with him.

Oh.

Well, then I guess

it's just Rick and me.

Well, actually,

it's just you, Kate.

You see, I had dinner

on the way home from school.

Who has dinner

before dinner?

Well, Beth's coming over.

We have to work on

our school project tonight.

[SCOFFS]

You know, I had been

feeling guilty for months

because I'm always

off to meetings

and never having a chance

to eat with you.

Oh, that's okay.

No, it's not okay.

There's no reason why

I can't be a homemaker

and an executive too.

And just once,

I would like to see us all

sit down and have

dinner like a real family.

Just once.

I'm free Sunday.

Me too.

[GASPS]

Then it's agreed?

We all eat together

at the same time-- : sharp?

Um...how about

: ?

I was kinda hoping

for : .

BOTH [IN UNISON]:

Six o'clock.

Good.

Whew.

That was a close one.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hi.

Hi.

How's

the little woman?

[CHUCKLES]

Okay.

I went ahead and did some

work on our project.

Oh, that's good.

I've been looking for

an apartment,

and I think I found one

we can afford.

It even has indoor plumbing,

ha, ha!

Nice going.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Listen to this:

"One bedroom, full kitchen,

near schools."

That's great,

in case Mr. Williams

throws a couple of kids

our way.

[LAUGHS]

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Beth, don't tell me

"Nothing."

I hate it when

something's wrong,

and people tell me "Nothing."

Now what is it?

Forget it.

I hate "Forget it"

even more.

Come on, we're friends.

You can tell me.

No, I can't.

What is it? Did you

and Bill have a fight?

I said I don't wanna

talk about it anymore.

I knew it.

You did have a fight.

We didn't

have a fight.

Then what is it?

I can't tell you.

Why can't you?

Rick.

I wanna know

why you can't.

Because I'm pregnant.

Well, I guess you

didn't have a fight.

I can't

believe this.

How could something

like this happen?

What I mean is, how could you

let something like this happen?

It wasn't something

we planned.

But how

could you even--

We never planned on

going as far.

You wouldn't understand.

Yes, I would.

Well, every time

we said we wouldn't--

Every time?

[SIGHS]

I knew you

wouldn't understand.

Does Bill know?

Uh-uh.

Shouldn't you

tell him?

No.

He'll just wanna do

something stupid

like quit college

and marry me.

You don't quit school

in your freshman year.

He's gotta do something,

Beth.

Why?

This is my fault, not his.

Your fault?

[SCOFFS]

Where was he

while all this--

Oh, I knew I shouldn't

have told you!

How many people

have you told?

Including you, one.

You haven't told

your parents?

I know, that's

a stupid question.

Are you gonna

keep it?

I don't know.

Are you gonna give it up

for adoption?

I don't know.

Now, will you stop asking

all these questions?

I've got one more.

Are you sure

you're pregnant?

Rick, women know

when they're pregnant.

How late are you?

Two weeks.

Oh.

Is that late?

I don't know. I-I think so.

Well, maybe

you're not pregnant.

Maybe you're getting

upset for nothing.

G-go see

your family doctor.

Are you kidding?

He might tell

my parents.

What about those people who came

to our school last year?

You mean, that clinic?

They could help you.

I'm scared of doctors.

I can't even watch

St. Elsewhere.

I'll go with you.

You'd do that

for me?

Hey, it's the least

a husband can do.

[♪♪♪]

[WHISPERS]

Come on.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Yes?

Uh...

Can I get birth control

information here?

Yes, you can.

Birth control?

What are you doing?

These brochures will answer

most all of your questions.

Thanks.

Mm-hm.

You know,

this is refreshing.

We meet so many young people

in here

who've never even heard of

birth control,

till it's too late.

[WHIRS LOUDLY]

Uh...

What we wanted

to know was--

Excuse me?

I wanted to know if--

What was that?

She wants to know

if she's pregnant!

Oh...

I see.

Well, first, we're going

to need your name.

What do you need

that for?

So we know

what to call her.

But you'll tell

my parents.

No. All information is held

in strictest confidence.

It's Beth.

Beth MacMillan.

Okay.

Good.

Now, the only other thing we're

gonna need is this specimen.

I'll be right back.

Kidding.

Just kidding.

Does he do bedpan jokes too?

[SOBBING QUIETLY]

Are you the father?

Me?

No. I'm just

a friend.

Well, Beth will need to see

the doctor again in a week.

Right.

Also, if Beth

wants to apply

for any type of

financial assistance,

she'll need this.

It's proof

of pregnancy.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Mm-hm.

Come on.

Oh, did you check

all the pockets

before taking 'em

to the cleaners?

Just mine. Last time

I checked Rick's,

I found a dead frog.

That was when he was .

He doesn't play in the pond

anymore,

so go ahead and check 'em.

Hey, hey!

So far, so good.

I found cents, heh.

[CHUCKLES]

I'm thinking of

having rice pudding

for this

Sunday night dinner.

Oh, no.

Peach cobbler?

Dear God!

Okay, we'll skip dessert.

It's not that.

This was in

Rick's pocket.

"Pregnant!"

Rick got Beth pregnant?

I can't understand it.

He used to tell me

everything he did.

Well, didn't you have one of

those man-to-man talks?

Well, yes, I did.

Of course, I did.

And I thought I did

a pretty good job of it too.

Maybe I confused him with

all those charts and diagrams.

Excuse me,

I'll be in the kitchen...

until spring.

Rick?

Yeah?

Sit down, son.

Sure.

Why don't you

sit down too?

Good idea.

Rick,

we've always had

an honest, open relationship,

haven't we?

Yeah.

I mean,

if you had a problem,

you could come to me.

And if I had a problem,

I could come to you.

Right.

So what's

your problem, Dad?

No, I don't have

a prob--

Um-- Well, correct that.

I have a problem,

but not as big as yours.

Is this a contest?

[CHUCKLES]

I was getting the clothes

ready for the dry cleaners,

and I found this.

Oh.

So you know

about Beth?

Yeah, I know

about Beth.

We didn't wanna tell

anyone about this.

I bet.

I can't tell you

how shocked I am.

Yeah, well, it kinda

took me by surprise too, heh.

Wait a minute.

Do you think

I'm the father?

You mean, you're not?

Of course I'm not.

Dad, how could you even

think that,

after all those charts

and diagrams you showed me?

Well, I...

[SCOFFS]

Dad, I cannot tell you

how shocked I am.

I misunderstood.

I'm sorry.

Did Beth tell her parents

about this?

No.

Well, I think it'd be

a good idea if she did.

So do I,

but she doesn't want to.

She's gonna go

through this all alone?

Except for me.

Rick, don't you think you're in

a little over your head?

Why, just because

I'm only ,

and I've never been

in this position before,

and I got a C-minus

in Mr. Boswell's

sex education class?

Of course

I'm in over my head, Dad.

[♪♪♪]

What are you

doing here?

Dancing.

You were supposed to meet me

at the doctor's.

I got busy.

Wanna dance?

Beth, you can't pretend

you're not pregnant.

So you don't wanna dance.

Hey, Rick, are you gonna let

your wife carry on like that?

You know what I'm really sick

of, Alfonso? Marriage jokes.

I wish I hadn't taken

that dumb class.

Yeah.

It's a real stupid course.

You get all the problems

of marriage,

and none of the benefits.

Ow!

Excuse me.

Beth, you shouldn't

be dancing like that.

How about like this?

[LAUGHS]

That can't be good

for your baby.

What do you know

about babies, huh?

Nothing, and neither do you,

Beth. That's the problem.

Lighten up!

I can't.

This is too big

for you to handle alone.

And it's gonna get

even bigger.

Look, maybe it's time

to talk to your parents.

Not that again!

Yes, that again.

It's not like you can

keep this a secret forever.

Don't you ever stop?

What do you want me to do?

Just stay home and dry up

for the rest of my life?

You're a drag, Stratton,

so just back off!

Back off!

Hey, son.

Hi, Dad.

Oh, you're home early.

Well, of course.

This is our whole

everybody-get-together

sit-down-at-the-same-table-

for-dinner-for-a-change night,

isn't it?

Yeah.

No poker plans?

Hockey games?

Business calls?

Nope. We're just family.

[SIGHS]

Like June, Ward,

and the Beaver.

How is the Beave?

Seems to be okay.

Beth is coming over

to work on their project.

Mm.

Oh. Almost forgot.

I brought us some wine.

Oh.

Château la margeline

de la Bourgogne.

What does that mean?

Expensive. Heh...

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hi.

Hi.

How's it going?

Okay.

Look, um, I'm sorry

about yesterday.

I don't wanna talk

about it.

Hey, you-you--

You don't have to.

I'm not kidding.

I don't wanna talk.

I just wanna do homework

and leave.

There's a party

I wanna get to, okay?

Okay. Sure.

[EXHALES]

Mr. Williams gave me our budget

sheet back. We got an A.

Try and control

your excitement.

Mr. Williams gave me

a hazard envelope.

Let's see what he's

throwing at us this time.

"Pregnant"?

Did you tell Mr. Williams?

No.

Then how come we got this?

Relax, will you?

Mr. Williams made half the girls

in the class pregnant.

[SCOFFS]

You know what I mean.

So help me, Rick,

if you squealed...

Beth, I didn't squeal. I keep

my promises. Now calm down.

Let's adjust

the charts

so you can make

your-- Your party.

Chapter covers it.

Come on.

I'll look it up.

Wow.

Look at all this stuff

we have to buy:

a crib, a mattress,

a mattress cover,

blankets, clothes,

furniture...

And look at this--

"Medical expenses, $ ."

It costs bucks

just to have a baby.

No, that's gotta be

wrong.

It's right here.

Plus, you stop working

for six months.

Our income

falls in half.

No, it doesn't.

It really does, Beth...

but we save on tuition

for law school.

You won't be able to go.

I've had enough.

I don't wanna do this anymore.

We have to.

It's due tomorrow.

I don't care!

I don't wanna deal with

stupid budgets

and checking accounts!

I don't wanna deal with

this class!

I don't want these books!

[SOBBING]

And I don't wanna be pregnant!

[SOBBING CONTINUES]

Beth, honey?

Why don't we

go upstairs, huh?

How long have they been

up there, Dad?

Son, when two women

are together in a bathroom,

time stands still.

I guess she had a lot

to tell Kate about.

Edward, Rick.

Um, I'll be taking

Beth home.

She's decided

to tell her parents.

Good for you.

Maybe it won't be

as bad as you think, huh?

I hope you're right.

Rick...

...I'm really sorry for

the way that I treated you.

That's okay.

What are friends for?

Thanks.

Uh,

I'll see you later.

All right, we'll keep

your dinner warm.

That's supposed to be

my line.

What will happen to Beth now?

I don't know.

But at least now she'll have

her parents to help her.

No matter what she decides,

life will never be

the same again, will it?

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]