04x17 - One for the Road: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are, face to face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find

We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Making a go

Making it grow ♪

♪ Together

We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together

Taking the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things

You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and I... ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I... ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

[♪♪♪]

You can do it.

Well,

I-I don't know.

Well,

sure you can, honey.

Anybody who can read and count

can deal blackjack. Now...

You have a jack

and a .

Now, what's the rule

with showing?

What do you do?

It's up to you.

A jack...

...and a .

This could take

all night.

Maybe I better call my folks

and tell 'em not to expect me.

RICKY:

That's a good idea.

Hey, Dad, is it okay if

Greg sleeps over?

If it's okay

with his folks.

I'll call my mom

and find out.

May I please

use your phone?

Yeah, sure.

It's in the kitchen.

Will you excuse me

please, sir.

Oh, sure, Greg.

Oh. Thank you, sir.

What's the matter

with that kid?

Nothing. He's just a rare bird

called a polite teenager.

It ain't natural.

How come we haven't seen

Greg before?

He just transferred

to our school last week.

I've been

showing him around.

Ah. Seems like

a nice kid.

You know,

I think I finally got

the hang of it--

The jack is wild,

right?

Here's your sandwich.

Cream cheese?

You don't like it?

I didn't say that.

I even squeezed a pimento

out of an olive

to make it look

especially nice.

That's very nice, Marie.

This will be fine.

Don't patronize me.

Marie, you're new here.

You probably don't know

how to treat me yet.

Are you gonna eat

that sandwich or not?

[SIGHS LOUDLY]

Well...

Mom said it's okay,

and to thank you

for the invitation.

So...thank you

for the invitation.

Great.

Well, honey, with

all this excitement...

[YAWNS]

...I'm falling asleep.

[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]

It's no use, Edward.

I'll never learn to deal

blackjack by tomorrow night.

I'd better deal poker.

You don't know

the first thing about poker.

Well, you

can teach me.

We're gonna hit the sack,

Dad, okay? Good night.

Good night, Mrs. Stratton,

Mr. Stratton.

Good night, Mr. Stuffins.

DEXTER: Good night.

Good night, Marie.

MARIE: Uh-huh.

Thanks again

for letting me sleep over.

No

problem.

Do you have

to be so polite?

[SCOFFS]

I can't help it.

Old people bring out

the worst in me.

So you like to party?

Of course. Who doesn't?

Great.

'Cause I know this guy,

and his parents have left him

alone in his house.

And he's throwing a party

tonight. So you wanna go?

No, I've got a lacrosse game

before school tomorrow.

Well, this is gonna be

a very, very special party.

What's so special about it?

Well, if you wanna find out,

come with me.

Hey, can I borrow this jacket?

Yeah, sure.

Excellent.

[CHUCKLES]

So? Are you coming?

I don't know.

Hey, come on, now.

Don't be chicken.

Greg, I'm not chicken.

Good. Then let's go.

How late

would we be?

What's the difference?

We sneak out, we sneak back in.

I don't have to

sneak out.

If I wanted to go,

I'd just ask my Dad.

[SCOFFS]

Are you kidding?

No father in his right mind

is gonna let his kid go

to this party.

That good, huh?

Hmm.

We'll have fun,

even if the girls do outnumber

the guys five to one.

Five to one?

And maybe more.

Well, if it means

that much to you...

Yeah.

[CLAPS]

What are you doing?

Just in case anyone

looks in on you.

Sleep tight,

Ricker.

Yeah! All right!

Yes!

Marie,

you're a lifesaver.

If you weren't here

the next couple weeks,

I would be

going crazy.

That's why I get

the big bucks.

Ugh, I've got the auditors

coming in,

Edward's Monte Carlo night,

my Mercedes making

funny noises...

Yeah. Life can be such a drag.

Morning, Marie.

Good morning, Mr. Stratton.

Boys aren't up yet?

Oh, I called 'em. No answer.

We'll let 'em sleep

for five more minutes.

[SHOUTING]

Yo!

You wanna eat,

get on your feet!

[NORMALLY]

That oughta wake 'em up.

Woke me up.

[SNIFFS]

Coast is clear.

Come on.

I'm sick.

Where are we?

We're home.

You can open your eyes now.

If I open my eyes,

my brains will ooze out.

[SCOFFS]

Did you ever see so much

booze in your life?

Wow, what a party, huh?

Greg...

...tell me the truth.

Last night...

...did I eat a cat?

[LAUGHS]

Not that I noticed.

Why?

'Cause my tongue

feels like a fur ball.

See, I-- I told you

you'd have a good time.

Greg,

you can keep my jacket

if you sneak in the house

and get me a can

of ice-cold apple juice.

[SCOFFS]

We'll get it together.

Now, come on.

I can't go inside.

They'll know we've stayed out

all night drinking.

Not if you do

what I tell you.

Now, just wait here

a minute, okay?

And here. Use this.

[GROANS]

Okay. Now when we

get inside,

I want you to shout,

"Hi! we're home!"

I can't shout.

My head will explode.

The thing to do is--

Is smile and be bright.

Do everything I do.

Nobody will know anything.

Believe me, I've done this

a hundred times.

Well, how come you're not dead?

'Cause I know

how to handle it.

[SIGHS]

I can't face

my parents like this.

Well, you know what

I always do?

What?

[SNICKERS]

This.

[RETCHES]

[SCOFFS]

Amateurs!

[GROANS]

False alarm.

Open wide.

Here.

Where are those boys?

These eggs are getting cold.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Kate.

Hello, Marie. Do we have

any apple juice?

Where you guys been?

Well, we've been--

We got up early

and jogged to the market.

And I bought you these

as a thank-you gift

for your hospitality.

Oh! Well,

thank you very much.

That's very thoughtful

of you.

But didn't Rick tell you

that we have holly trees

in the garden?

Well, yes,

he did.

But I think that you'll find

this variety has more berries.

Ah, I think

you're right.

Oh, we're out

of apple juice.

But how about this--

prune juice?

Never mind.

Well, these eggs

have been sitting here

for more than minutes.

Don't blame me if

they're cold and greasy.

Well, personally,

I prefer them like this.

Now why doesn't that

surprise me?

Rick, you look like

death warmed over.

Are you all right?

Dad, I've never felt

better in my life.

What time did you two

sack out last night?

Oh, we went to sleep

real early.

And then we got up and

got dressed and went jogging.

In those clothes?

Uh, well... Uh... Well--

[COUGHS]

Ooh!

What's the matter?

My throat hurts

when I talk.

Let me see

your eyes.

Are your eyes

bloodshot?

Uh... Well, yes,

they are, sir.

They always get like this when

I'm coming down with the flu.

Well, do you think

you should be going to school

if you're coming down

with the flu?

You don't wanna give germs

to everyone in class.

Oh. I hadn't thought of that.

Uh, do you think it be okay

if I stayed here in bed

until my mom comes home

from work?

I'll phone her, of course.

Wha-- Uh, sure.

Marie can keep an eye on you.

Just don't breathe on me,

okay?

Oh, no.

I think I'm catching it too.

[COUGHS]

I thought you just said

you felt great.

I did?

Oh, right.

But shouldn't I stay here

and keep Greg company?

He doesn't need company,

he needs rest.

Besides that, don't you have

a lacrosse game today?

Yeah, I do. This morning.

If you hurry, Kate and I

will drop you off at school.

And Rick?

Yeah?

Don't forget

the body checks!

[GRUNTS SOFTLY]

Ooh!

[SCOFFS]

Hey, how much money

have you got on you?

Mmm.

Rick, money! I need money.

How much have you got?

What do you

need money for?

Uh... I've got a date.

A date?

Yeah. With this

great-looking model.

I'm meeting her at

Rockefeller Center today,

and I need $

to take her to lunch.

All I've got is $ .

[SCOFFS]

Look...

this is really important

to me, Rick.

And don't forget who took you

to that party last night.

How could I forget?

Well, if you told your Dad

how badly you needed

a new lacrosse stick...

Oh, hi, Mr. Stratton.

You need a new lacrosse stick?

Huh?

Oh, yeah.

Well, you see,

my old one is really...

old.

See how it does today,

and then we'll talk.

We'd better hurry up.

Have a good day, sir.

You too, Greg.

I hope you feel better.

GREG:

Thank you, sir.

Here. You can--

You can have this.

Three dollars? Come on.

What kind of a lunch am I

supposed to buy with that?

You said she's a model.

They don't eat.

Two hundred and

forty-three, , ' ...

[EXHALES]

Hi, Dexter, Hi, Marie.

Hi.

Hi, Rick.

How was the game?

Long. Real long.

Well, your friend Greg

sure made a quick recovery.

Yeah?

What time did he leave?

Well, I was too busy

to pay attention,

but I think it was halfway

through The Price is Right.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hey, guys! Look at

this little honey, huh?

[LAUGHS]

Bet she bankrupted a few

Mississippi riverboat gamblers

in her day.

That's impossible.

Oh, no, it's not.

This baby's

over years old.

I'm talking about the bank.

We're $ short.

Oh, no.

I make it $ .

We're $ short.

Are you sure, Dexter?

I'm an accountant

with a degree from Harvard.

Of course I'm sure.

I think.

Well, it doesn't

make sense.

Why would somebody take $

and leave over ?

Well, maybe they

felt sorry for someone

dumb enough to leave

that much money lying around.

No offense.

Well, I guess we should be

grateful it's only $ .

Well, $ will send

another kid to camp.

Or reform school.

Now, if I was a betting lady,

which I'm not,

I'd lay to that

some overly polite--

He didn't steal it.

Who?

Greg, Dad.

Why on earth would--

He borrowed it.

You can't take a fashion model

out to lunch on $ .

Am I the only one having

a problem following the story?

Probably.

You'd better start

from the begin--

I've got the costumes

you needed.

Well, thanks, Kate.

Why-- Why, Rick--

Ooh,

that reminds me.

I borrowed $ from

the bank this morning.

Uh-oh.

I put it back.

Uh... I-I think

I'd better try on my cost--

This looks expensive.

Must be mine. Heh, heh.

Okay. Listen, about

my dealing poker tonight--

Yeah, just

one sec, Kate.

Rick, why would you think

a nice guy like Greg

would steal--

Borrow money?

I don't know, I just did.

What money?

Unless you know

something we don't.

No, Dad, there's nothing.

What about Greg?

I just made a mistake.

He said something about

needing money,

so I just put two and two

together, and...

And I've got homework to do.

[♪♪♪]

I look like the doorman

at the Hilton.

No, you don't.

You look wonderful!

Taxi!

♪ As I walked down on

The streets of Laredo ♪

♪ Tripped on my spurs

And fell flat on my ♪

♪ Yodel-ay-hee-hoo

Layee-hee-hee ♪

[EDWARD LAUGHS]

These costumes are great!

I thought this was supposed

to be Monte Carlo night?

It is.

Then why's he dressed up

for a sh**t-out

at the O.K. Corral.

[IMITATING A COWBOY]

You wanna make

somethin' of it, pilgrim?

[KATE CHUCKLES]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[STAMMERING]

They're here already?

We don't have the banner up.

Where's the banner?

[NORMALLY] Where's the banner?

The banner?

The banner-- Over here!

Over here!

I got it!

Hey, Greg. come on in.

How you doing, buddy?

All right.

Ooh, nice.

Ah, evening, sir.

Good evening, ma'am.

Good evening, sir.

Hi, Greg.

Hi, Greg.

Hi, Greg.

So are you gonna stay

around for the fun?

Well, no, sir.

As a matter of fact,

I was hoping

to entice Rick here

into joining my old friends

and me at Burgers.

Well,

not tonight, Greg.

I've got to stay

and help. Right?

Oh, no, son,

you go ahead.

We got plenty of wranglers

here, heh, heh!

I don't know, Dad.

Uh, will you excuse us

for a minute, please?

KATE:

Okay.

Look, I've got

a little surprise for ya.

See that door?

That's a surprise?

Just open the door.

What's behind there?

You'll see.

Girls!

Very good.

This is

Debbie.

She's with

me.

Hi.

And this

is Allison.

She's

with you.

Hi, Rick. Greg told me

you were cute,

and he was right.

[GIGGLES]

Thanks.

Come on in.

Getting ready

for a party?

My folks are.

Mr. and Mrs. Stratton,

Mr. Stuffins,

may I present Allison Galt

and Debbie Curtan.

Hi, how you doin'?

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Can we

help out?

Tell you what, you can help us

with some of these balloons.

Uh, Rick, can I talk to you

for a second?

Yeah.

Ooh...

What are you doing?

Checking.

What for?

It's my hobby.

I like to check cupboards.

Did you go

into the city today?

What?

You know,

to see that model.

What model?

Oh! Uh, no.

something came up.

Ah, yes!

Hey, that's Dad's!

Don't get excited,

it's just a loaner.

Come on.

Put it back.

Relax.

I'll replace it.

Give it to me,

Greg.

Hey, come on! Will you cool it?

Come on.

What are you guys doing?

[CHUCKLES]

Nothing.

Well, let's go.

You are coming,

aren't you, Rick?

I don't know.

Oh, come on.

Please?

Well, okay.

That's better.

Well, come on. Let's go!

All right. Dad, we're just

going to Burgers, okay?

Okay, son.

You guys are amazing.

Where do you get your energy,

out of a bottle?

[LAUGHS]

Well, goodbye, Mrs. Stratton,

goodbye, Mr. Stratton.

Goodbye, Mr. Stuffins.

ALL [IN UNISON]:

Goodbye, Greg!

Hey, guys,

do you think this sign

looks professional enough?

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Be glad we got it

right-side-up.

Long Branch Saloon.

Hey, hi, Malcolm!

What do you mean,

you can't make it?

You're the only one

that can run the crap table!

T-there are

people coming, Malcolm!

Can't you wait till tomorrow?

[EXHALES]

Well...

If you have to be there...

I guess I understand.

I hope it's a boy.

No, I don't.

I hope it's a girl!

Kate...

do you think you can

handle a crap table?

Are you serious?

This is the most complicated

game there is.

Even I don't know

how to do it.

Well, isn't this the game

where a sh**t has to throw

a or on his first try

to make a pass?

Or else, make his point

before he throws a .

And if he throws

a or a or a ,

he craps out?

Well, isn't it?

That's incredible.

Oh. Thanks, heh.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, just one question:

Do you throw four

or six dice?

[RADIO PLAYING]

Let's put the top up.

I'm freezing.

You wanna

come over here?

I like your idea

even better.

Hey, you guys want

some of this, hmm?

No.

Good, 'cause

you can't have any.

Hey, come on, get some

decent music. That's garbage.

[RADIO CRACKLES]

[ROCK 'N' ROLL PLAYING]

How do you guys

know Greg?

He used to go to our school.

Oh, I almost forgot.

I've got something

for you.

Where did this beer

come from?

Milwaukee, I guess.

[GIGGLES]

Ahem, the thing is,

Allison, like...

You see, I quit.

Well, one beer

won't hurt you, will it?

No. I guess--

Guess not. Thanks.

It was really a panic when Greg

got kicked out of school.

Did he tell you about it?

He got kicked out

of school?

Yeah. He got drunk

and tried to kiss

the vice principal.

Greg said she reminded him

of his father.

You know...

I want to dance.

Sit down, Greg.

I wanna dance.

Come on.

Look, I think we should go.

He's pretty drunk.

Hey! Nobody's drunk...

And nobody goes.

Hey, gimme the keys.

Get out of here, will ya'?

Hmm...

Now, what do we do?

Wait until he passes out.

This happens all the time.

You've gotta be kidding.

We could try to

make the best of it.

[CHUCKLES]

[RUSTLING]

What was that?

What was what?

I thought I heard something.

I guess I was wrong.

Wanna share that?

What?

Oh. Yeah, sure.

COP:

Police! What's going on here?

Having a good time?

Yeah.

Are we doing as well as I think?

Edward, Kate,

just in case

I don't see you again,

I'd like to thank you

for trusting me with

this much money. Bye!

I'll take that,

stranger.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Ooh, it's : ,

and they're still arriving.

Don't let 'em in until you see

the color of their money.

Mr. Stratton?

Yeah.

What's the matter?

Rick,

what's going on?

Is there a problem?

Is he all right?

COP:

We found your son

and some of his friends

drinking in the back

of a parked car.

There must be

some mistake.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]