05x03 - The Live-In

[bunniefuu]

♪ Here we are ♪

♪ Face to face ♪

♪ A couple

Of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find ♪

♪ We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go ♪

♪ Makin' it grow ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find

Our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Takin' the time

Each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things

You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons

Together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ We're gonna find

Our way ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find

Our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

Uh-huh. Find out what happened

to our shipping. Uh-huh.

Macy's toy department

was expecting Kissy Missy.

They got Bazooka Bill.

I'll be in the office

in minutes. Bye.

Oh, hi, guys.

Breakfast is on the table.

Rick, your lunch

is on the counter.

Edward, the contracts

for Dexter are in this folder.

I put a tuna casserole

in the fridge.

You can have it

for dinner.

Kate, what time

did you get up?

Get up? Dad, I don't think

she went to bed.

Okay. So I got up

a little early.

I had to make a couple calls

to London,

and I thought

as long as I was up...

You'd wax the floors

and mow the lawn.

Honey, sit down.

Hon, I sit,

I may never get up.

I appreciate the fact

you've been able

to be president of Eddy Toys

and still run the house.

And you're doing a great job,

but don't you think it's time

we hire a housekeeper?

Edward, we've had

housekeepers before.

They never ever stay.

That's because they have

nothing to do.

You clean everything

by the time they get up.

Edward, we don't have to hire

a housekeeper

because we don't need

a housekeeper.

In other words,

no housekeeper.

I get the feeling

she doesn't want a housekeeper.

Boy, Dad, you amaze me.

Rick, let me tell you something

about women.

Is this gonna take long?

I have to leave for school.

Want to go to school

or learn something?

I want to go

to school.

Okay, learn the hard way.

Don't forget your lunch.

Yeah.

Boy, Dad,

isn't Kate the best?

The best.

The best breakfast-maker.

The best

sandwich-maker.

The best stand-up sleeper.

[♪♪♪]

So your last employer

had children?

Ja, und those

little kiddies,

all day long

with their laughing

and their giggling.

Well...

I put a stop to that. Ja.

Mrs. Werneck, as soon as we

make up our minds--

Perhaps

before I decide

whether to accept

your position,

I should tell you

a few things.

First,

I don't do shopping,

and second,

I don't vacuum

the schtaircase.

You don't do schtairs?

I mean...stairs.

No schtairs and no schteps,

and finally,

is it just you

and Mr. Stratton?

Well, there's Rick.

He's my stepson.

Schtepson?

I told you no schteps.

Ha! That was a joke!

Life is not all scrubbing

and cleaning, ja.

Ja. Ha-ha-ha.

Edward, you're just in time

to meet Mrs. Werneck.

Hi. Edward Stratton.

Marlena Werneck.

Marlena...

What a lovely name.

Well, thank you

for coming.

Goodbye,

and remember...

No schteps.

Good.

Schmart cookie!

Whoa!

That was close.

For a minute, I thought

you'd hire her.

I am.

What?

What's wrong with her?

She's organized.

She's disciplined.

So are marines, but you don't

want them handling your crystal.

She's a little

hard to understand.

Oh, so she has a little accent.

Kate, we can't have

Frau Werneck.

She'll scare Rick.

She won't scare Rick.

She scares me.

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

She's back!

Oh, hi, Dex.

Hi. What was that?

The woman Kate wants to hire

as our maid.

That was a woman?

Hi Kate.

Did we hire someone?

Not yet.

Well, when we do,

please make sure she knows

my room is off-limits.

And try to find someone who

won't frighten the house plants.

I have a better idea.

Why don't you try

and find someone?

Dexter and I

have an important meeting.

Wait a minute,

honey.

It was your idea to hire

a housekeeper.

That's the list of applicants

the agency's sending over.

Mwah.

Bye.

Dex.

Yes?

Want to stay

and help me with this?

At my usual consulting fee

of $ an hour?

Rick, you want

to make $ . ?

[SIGHS]

I'm sorry, Dad.

I've got no time.

I've gotta go work with Brad

and Larry on my history project.

Good luck.

We'll give you a lift.

Thanks.

Hon, I'm sure I'll love

whomever you pick.

Oh, you'll want to see

the man of the house.

Uh...

Mrs. Greene?

Hello!

Heh.

Oh, what a beautiful,

big house you have.

How many rooms

are there?

Twenty-one.

Goodbye.

[♪♪♪]

[KNOCKING]

Yeah?

I am the new housekeeper.

May I clean your room?

I just cleaned it.

Mr. Stratton told me

to clean all the rooms.

Oh, jeez.

This won't take long.

What won't?

Your room.

This will

only take...

Weeks and weeks!

What happened here,

an earthshake?

Earthshake?

No, you mean earthquake.

No, no. Here. Look--

Let me help you.

No, if you help,

they won't need me here.

Good point,

and we definitely

don't want that to happen.

[CHUCKLES]

What's your name?

Rick.

Like in the movie

Casablanca.

Did you ever see it?

Are you kidding?

That's my favorite movie.

And what's your name?

Ingrid.

Also from Casablanca.

That's right.

Ingrid Bergman.

Boy, that's

a neat name.

So Norwegian.

[SCOFFS]

Swedish.

Better yet. Heh-heh.

Well, I better

get started.

Oh, thank you, Dad!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

She had the best

qualifications

of anybody

I interviewed.

I can hardly wait

to meet her.

Oh, my. This certainly

looks shiny.

Shiny? I could shave

in this little honey.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Kate.

Hey, son.

Hi, Rick.

Your father says he's hired

a terrific new housekeeper.

Yeah, well,

she's okay.

Well, where is she?

She's upstairs

cleaning my room.

You're letting her

clean your room?

She must be terrific.

See? She's working out.

[SCOFFS]

Edward, I've got

to hand it to you,

it looks like you've made

a wonderful decision.

Ingrid seems to be

hard-working, thorough,

and entirely perfect.

It's too bad

she can't work here.

Let me introduce you

to Ingrid.

Ingrid, this is

Mrs. Stratton.

Nice to meet you,

ma'am.

Ma'am?

Uh...Edward, Rick,

could we have a family talk

in the kitchen?

Sure.

Excuse me.

Yo!

Okay, so she can polish a table

but that doesn't make up

for all the other things.

What other things?

Uh... It's a little hard

to understand her.

So she has a little accent.

She has an accent?

She even doesn't look

like a housekeeper.

Honey, I can't believe

you're saying this.

That's the most

incredibly sexist thing

I ever heard you say.

You want me to fire her

because of her looks?

What looks?

You know

what I mean.

Yeah, I think I do.

You remember what happened

when I hired you?

Yes. We started dating.

Then we got married.

I mean before that.

Everybody said I hired you

'cause you're beautiful.

Well...

I told them

they were crazy.

I said, not only

is she beautiful,

but she has brains

to match.

Really?

I hired you

for your qualifications.

That's the same reason

I hired...

What's-her-name.

Ingrid Bridgette Yohanson.

Honey, the only thing

I had in mind

was getting us

the best help possible.

Ingrid really is qualified.

You gotta look at my room.

You can even

see the floor now.

Can't get a better

recommendation than that.

Think of all the extra time

you're gonna have...

And extra sleep.

Okay, if you both

feel so strongly...

All right!

Excuse me.

I have to dust

the chandelier.

Could someone come out

and hold the ladder for me?

Move,

and you die.

Coming, Ingrid.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

Rick, it's you!

Look, Larry.

He's alive! He's alive!

What are you guys

talking about?

You never come

to the hangout anymore.

You never even

play basketball.

I'd love to play,

but I've had things to do here.

Yeah. That's what

we thought.

So we decided to come

over here...

To use your hoop.

No, fellas, wait!

I don't believe it.

What?

What are you looking at?

Ooh!

Am I dreaming?

Wow... All we have in

our backyard is a birdbath.

You weren't kidding when you

said you had things to do.

Come on, guys, she's only

our new housekeeper.

You mean

she lives here?

Will you relax?

She's just a girl,

nothing to get

excited about.

She's turning over!

She's turning over!

Okay.

All right, guys, look,

enough is enough.

Please, let's give

Ingrid some privacy.

Ingrid.

Hot name.

No wonder you haven't been

playing basketball after school.

Yeah. I'm surprised you

even showed up for school.

She's coming this way!

Be cool! Be cool!

[CLEARS THROAT]

[WHISTLING]

Oh, hello,

Ingrid.

I didn't know

you were sunbathing.

Ja, it was

getting hot out there.

Yeah, in here too.

Rick, are these

your friends?

Yeah, we're very close.

We share everything.

Well, Ingrid,

these are my much younger,

more immature

friends...

Who were just leaving,

right, guys?

Ingrid.

That's a Swedish name?

Abba is one of

my favorite groups.

I eat nothing but

Swedish meatballs.

You know you guys

got to run.

Bjorn Borg!

[SIGHS]

Kids.

Well...

I'd better go change.

I'll get some more sun

tomorrow.

What time?

What?

I said that's fine.

Fine.

Moron.

[♪♪♪]

[YAWNS]

Oh, hello, Ingrid.

I didn't know you were up.

Hi, Rick.

You want some cocoa?

Cocoa? Sure. Heh-heh.

I haven't had any of that stuff

since I was a kid.

So...

What are you doing

up so late?

I don't know.

I've been having trouble

sleeping the last few nights.

Something bothering you?

No.

What could bother me?

You see, I was up late reading

this book on my legs class.

Uh, my English class.

English.

Oh.

You see, I have to write

this book report,

but the love story...

seems a little bit unreal.

Unreal?

Yeah.

I mean, do you think a person

could fall in love with another

after just a couple of days?

Ja. It happens

all the time.

Yeah, but even if they have

different backgrounds,

different ages?

Ja.

Ja.

Ja?

Would you like me

to warm up your cocoa?

I think you just did.

Ah, I thought

I heard voices.

What are you two

doing up?

Nothing! We got hungry

at the same time.

That's all. No big deal.

But not together.

No...

Well, I think

I'm ready to...

How do you say it?

Hit the bag.

Sack.

Thank you.

Good night,

Mrs. Stratton.

Good night.

Good night, Rick.

Good night, Ing.

Uh...Rick,

I've noticed

you've grown

quite fond of Ing.

Kate, she's very likeable.

That's true.

She's also

very attractive.

Attractive?

She's beautiful.

[♪♪♪]

Edward,

pay attention.

This is important.

Honey, you told me

about all this last night.

Edward, we're talking

about little Rickie.

Little Rickie

is years old.

He's bound to have

some crushes.

Well, I think this is

a little more than a crush.

Okay, so he has

a thing for Ing.

I think this thing

could get out of hand

and become a real problem.

After all, we are living

under the same roof.

Honey, what do you

want me to do?

Well, talk to her.

All you have to do is tell

Ingrid how Rick feels about her.

Then maybe she'll be careful

not to encourage him.

I have a better idea.

Why don't you talk to her?

Because I promised

to take Rickie shopping.

Besides...

I didn't hire her.

You did.

[SIGHS]

Uh...

Ingrid...

Ja, Mr. Stratton?

What can I do for you?

Mrs. Stratton...

Did she leave yet?

Ja, just now...

With Rick.

Oh.

Anything else?

No.

Nothing.

No, there is something.

Ingrid... Ahem.

I think it's important

to tell you that...

You're doing one

heck of a job.

"Heck of a"?

Yeah...

Good...

Great, fantastic!

[LAUGHS]

Thank you, thank you,

Mr. Stratton.

Yeah, but there's

a little something

going on here

between you and...

And I think

we should discuss it.

Ja?

It has to do with, uh...

feelings.

Personal...

feelings.

Oh.

Let's face it, Ingrid.

Sometimes people

have feelings

that come from being

thrown together

in a situation,

and those feelings

aren't really real.

Oh, but my feelings

are really real.

What?

You feel the same way?

Ja.

Ja.

What about the age

difference?

That is not

important to me.

Only the love that I feel.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh too.

Edward!

[♪♪♪]

Hi, Dad.

Ingrid!

Ingrid!

Edward, did you have

your little talk with Ingrid?

Yes, I had my little talk

with Ingrid.

[SIGHS]

So we don't have to worry

about Rick anymore?

Dad, where's Ingrid?

I wanna show her my new jacket.

Uh, she's upstairs, Rick.

Great.

Rick, before you go up,

can I talk to you?

Can't it wait, Dad?

No, it can't, son.

I have to tell you something.

Ingrid?

Hello, Rick.

What-What's the suitcase for?

What's going on?

Kate, what did you say to her?

Rick, Kate had

nothing to do with this.

It is true, Rick.

I'm leaving because I want to.

Why?

Remember what I said

about age

making no difference?

Well, I was wrong.

It does make a difference.

Kate, why don't we step into the

other room for just a moment.

Good idea.

Ingrid, you can't go.

I have to.

It's better for everyone.

It's not better for me.

Rick, remember

our favorite movie?

Casablanca?

Remember how it ended?

With Ingrid Bergman

saying goodbye?

But I hated that ending.

Well, when a woman has strong

feelings for a man,

and she knows that nothing

could ever come of it,

it's better

that she leaves

and take all her

strong feelings with her.

What about

my strong feelings?

You're so very young.

And you'll have many,

many girlfriends to love you.

And then you'll

forget about me.

[HORN HONKING]

There is my taxi.

[♪♪♪]

Ingrid, I'm never

gonna forget you.

And I will never forget you.

You are one heck of a guy.

Here's looking at you, kid.

[♪♪♪]