05x07 - Man to Man

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are ♪

♪ Face to face ♪

♪ A couple

Of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find ♪

♪ We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go ♪

♪ Makin' it grow ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find

Our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Takin' the time

Each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things

You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons

Together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ We're gonna find

Our way ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find

Our way ♪

♪ You and I together ♪

Happy birthday,

sweetheart.

Come on, Dad. Don't you

want to see what I got you?

Yes, I do.

First, read the card.

All right.

I made it myself.

[LAUGHS]

Okay.

"Here's hoping

this gift is a dandy.

A hint--

It's not flowers or candy.

If you have

your white shorts,

and time on the courts,

this present

will sure come in handy.

Love, Rick."

Thank you, son.

Uh-oh. Let me guess--

A giant fly swatter?

Dad, come on.

A canoe paddle for a midget?

Edward!

Okay, okay, all right.

All right.

Let's see here.

Hey!

Just what I

always wanted--

A spaghetti strainer!

Ah, son,

this is the greatest!

Wanna break it in?

Right now? Sure!

I'll go and change.

Okay.

I thought my gift

was the greatest.

Well, there's

"greatest,"

And then there's

"greatest."

And baby,

you're the greatest.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'll get it.

[LAUGHS]

Ah!

Happy birthday,

Edward.

Thank you, bud.

What have we here?

Let's see.

Brandy.

Fifty years old.

Forty-two.

I meant the brandy.

Ah.

And it's incredibly

expensive,

so don't share it

with anyone but me.

Aw, thanks, Dex,

you didn't have to do this.

Ah, now he tells me.

Hi, Dex. Nice gift.

A mere trifle.

I'm dying to see

what the company president

buys her husband.

Sneakers.

Good lord.

It's what he

asked for.

Oh, I didn't want anyone

to make a big deal.

I'll probably feel the same

when I reach your age.

What's the matter

with ?

Nothing.

A lot of people your age

manage to live useful

and happy lives.

[LAUGHS]

Very funny.

I'll have you know

my life is just beginning.

Not according

to insurance tables.

They say it's already

more than half over.

What a cheery thought.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

That must be Tamara.

Tamura.

Oh, the Japanese lessons?

How are they coming?

Terrific!

Two more lessons, and I'll be

pronouncing my teacher's name.

Hi, I got a package

for Edward Stratton.

Hey, hey, another chance

to break in my sneakers.

The last time I was in

a big house like this,

I got a $ tip.

Oh.

Here's a dollar.

We're just

house-sitting.

Thanks, Pop.

Pop?

Dad, what did you get?

It's from grandfather.

Let's see here.

Hey, hey, hey--

An old newspaper!

What a day.

First, sneakers, and now this.

No, no, this is great.

It's the newspaper

from the day I was born.

Wow! "Roosevelt Wins

by a Landslide."

Teddy Roosevelt?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Franklin Roosevelt.

I remember Franklin Roosevelt.

My grandparents told me

all about him.

I'm sorry.

Ready to break in

your racket.

And your

new sneakers?

Ready.

Don't run him too hard.

The sneaks may be new,

but the legs are .

Yeah.

I'll go easy on him.

"Go easy."

Let me remind you

that you've never ever,

repeat, never,

beaten me at anything--

Tennis, basketball,

racquetball, not anything.

Well, there's always

a first time...Pop.

I'll give you "pop."

[CHUCKLES]

You'll never b*at me the way

you twist your backhand.

What-What twist?

Your wrist turns under

when you extend your racket.

Really?

Hey! I know exactly

what you're doing.

You're trying

to psych me out.

He's quite a kid.

Yeah. So's Rick.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Okay.

Let's try it again.

[SIGHS]

Koni...

Koni...

Konichi...

Konichi...

Konichi wa.

Konichi woo.

[SPEAKING JAPANESE]

[IN ENGLISH]

Gee, golly.

What a shame.

That's all the time

we have for today.

I'll see you next week.

You're doing very well.

Really. Just great.

Fabulous!

You don't have to lie

to me, Tamura.

I-I can take the truth.

All right, Mrs. Stratton.

We're in deep soy sauce.

What am I going to do?

My trip to Japan

is less than four weeks away,

Eddy Toys is counting on me

to make a good impression.

Oh, you will, Mrs. Stratton.

Just remember--

A young salmon,

in his fight to swim upstream,

may not go under or over,

but only against the current.

What does that mean,

exactly?

[SPEAKING JAPANESE]

Oh.

[IN ENGLISH]

I'll let myself out.

Sayonara.

Ciao.

Kate, I did it!

I finally did it!

What?

I just b*at dad at tennis!

Come on, Dad.

Tell her how I whipped you.

Edward!

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

But your leg.

Oh, it's nothing,

nothing.

I'll take a few pain pills

and forget all about it.

Pain pills?

What happened?

It's no big deal.

I just pulled it a little

going for a serve.

Early on.

It didn't affect

the outcome.

Rick won that practice round

fair and square.

Could you

get me a drink?

Sure.

What do you mean,

practice round?

That was a real match.

You were helping me break in

my new sneakers and racket.

You want to play

a real match,

tell me before,

not after.

Let's have a real match.

Fine.

Fine. Tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow's

a little soon.

Give your poor father

a chance

to catch his breath.

I don't need

to catch my breath.

Okay, Dad,

when do you want to play?

The sooner, the better.

Two weeks.

[PRACTICING JAPANESE]

Hi, Kate.

How's it going?

[IN ENGLISH]

Oh, okay, I guess.

But I'm having a hard time

with this.

How am I supposed

to order dinner

when I can't

read the menu?

Just remember--

Toro is tuna,

ebi is shrimp, tori is chicken

and niku is meat.

Rick, that's incredible!

When did you learn

all that Japanese?

It's written in English

on the back of your menu.

Wha--?

Where's dad?

[PHONE RINGS]

He's getting ready

to go back to work.

Again?

You're spending a lot

of extra time at work.

It's our busy season--

Lots of toys in development.

I wanna practice

before our game tomorrow.

I'm sorry, son.

Duty calls.

Dad, this isn't right.

You spend every night

at the lab, drinking coffee

and eating donuts for dinner.

You're not gonna be in shape.

Let's postpone for a week.

I don't want you

to have any excuses.

Hey, buddy, I don't

need any excuses.

Now, I agreed to the date,

if I'm not ready, it's my fault.

We meet tomorrow,

and it's for the record books.

Ok, Dad, just remember,

I gave you a chance.

How sporting of you.

See you on the court.

See you there.

Honey, I got to run.

See you.

By the way, you needn't hurry

back to work.

Your tennis pro

is running late.

Okay, thanks.

Tennis pro?

You ought to be

ashamed of yourself,

sneaking around, practicing

every chance you get.

Shh. It's not

what you think.

Here, sit down.

Let me explain.

Rick's going through a very

important stage of his life now.

He's becoming independent.

Like all teenagers,

he has this intrinsic need

to bring down

the established order.

b*ating me at tennis is all

part of that process.

Process?

Fathers and sons have been going

through this ritualistic combat

since the ice age.

Oh, I see. You don't want

to win for yourself.

You're doing it to help

Rick's psychological

development.

Exactly!

I'm going to squash him

like a bug.

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

Uh...

Yuki...

Go Tokyo nah...

Good, good.

Ashi yubi oh pah gah.

Excellent!

Really?

Yes. Your boy's got

a terrific backhand.

[♪♪♪]

Okay, fine.

It don't bother me.

Are you ready?

I'm ready.

You're ready?

I'm ready.

I wasn't ready.

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

[OBJECTS CRASHING]

All right now.

Say you are at

the business meeting,

and now you want to thank

your prospective

associates

for being so cooperative.

Uh...

Batawo watashi

no fundo shini.

Not quite.

You just asked me

to butter

your jockey shorts.

I will never learn this.

It seems like we've

been at this forever.

Or longer.

Oh...

I have a new idea.

Total immersion

therapy.

Here. Reizoko...

Refrigerator.

Rei-zo-ko.

Good.

We'll stick these

all over the house.

That way, whenever

you see something,

you'll also see

the Japanese word for it.

What do I do when I see it?

Nothing.

That's the whole point.

You're just

going to look...

And absorb it.

Do you think it

will really work?

Hopefully.

EDWARD:

Kate!

[♪♪♪]

Kate.

Kate...

Edward!

I...

You...

The...

Did you squash him

like a bug?

Not only did I

lose the game,

Kate, I lost my youth.

It's out there,

somewhere...

On the tennis court.

I'm an old man.

Aw, gee.

Oh, stop it, Edward.

You're just tired,

that's all.

You practiced too much,

and you

wore yourself out.

I wasn't tired, Kate.

Well, you were

tired last night.

I wasn't tired.

I had a headache.

Well...

Do you have

a headache now?

No.

Oh, good.

Now I'm tired.

Thank you.

Dex, I really am

worried about Edward.

Ahem, why, is he

stuck to something?

Yes, he's stuck to the idea

that he's over the hill.

He asked me if I could

love an old man.

Who did he have in mind?

I don't know. He fell asleep

before I could find out.

It's all my fault.

I shouldn't have teased him

about getting old.

That was insensitive of me.

I feel very guilty.

It wasn't you.

It was that tennis match

he lost to Rick.

Tennis match?

Mm-hm.

Then it's Rick's fault,

not mine.

[SIGHS]

I feel better.

Well, I don't.

It's only a little

mid-life crisis, that's all.

That's all?

His reaction is mild.

Some men his age

try to recapture their youth.

They trade their wives

in for bimbos.

Some quit their jobs,

roam the streets.

Some lose

all their money gambling,

some turn to drink

and dr*gs.

Trade in their wives

for bimbos?

Relax. It's all right.

Edward's not the type

to do anything so extreme.

[SCOFFS]

You're right.

What's happening?

You took the words

right out of my mouth.

Edward?

Pastels?

I'm gonna need them

where we're going.

Candyland?

No, I'm taking my lady

on a Caribbean vacation.

Dancing all night,

catching the rays by day.

I think maybe you've had

enough sun.

Hi, Dex.

Hi, Kate.

Dad?

Hey, buddy!

You know what you and me

have never done?

Go to a concert

together.

I wonder if the Who

is playing someplace.

Dad, the Who

broke up years ago.

Hey, I knew that.

How about the Go-Gos?

Gone-Gone.

Them too?

I got it!

I'll see if I can't

order us some tickets

for Elton John.

They're still together.

♪ Oh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh-oh-oh-oh ♪

Ow! Yeah!

I think we've

created a monster.

Yes. The creature

from Bloomingdales.

I never thought

he'd act this way

over losing

a stupid tennis match.

What are we going to do?

Guys, I think I've got a plan.

Please, Richard, this is

a complicated problem.

EDWARD:

Ow! Yeah!

♪ Oh-ohh ♪

What's your plan?

Trust me. I got us into this,

and I'll get us out.

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪

Dad!

Dad!

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, ohh

Aah, aah, ooh ♪

♪ Aah, ooh

Aah, ooh, aah ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

Hi.

Hi.

Dad, you wanna play

a little tennis?

Oh, gee, I'd like to, son,

but I'm kind of busy.

Oh, it's just as well,

I guess.

Ah-choo!

Gesundheit.

Thanks.

[COUGHS]

You all right?

I'm fine.

You don't sound very fine.

Just getting a cold, that's all.

Gosh, I feel

achy all over.

Especially when

I move around.

Oh.

I'll go get my racket.

[♪♪♪]

Yuki-ga Tokyo-ni...

Try it once more.

I'm sorry, Tamura.

I can't concentrate.

My mind's out on

the tennis courts.

Ah, that's where it is.

Maybe I'll come back tomorrow

when you can concentrate.

Good. I'll see you

tomorrow, Tamura.

Sayonara.

Auf weidersehen.

[HUMMING OLYMPIC THEME]

[LAUGHS]

I take it you won.

The thrill of victory!

The agony of defeat.

Kate, I was whomped.

Well, congratulations.

I squashed him

like a bug.

You said you would.

I guess that

game you won

was a fluke, huh, son?

A fluke?

Sure.

How do you expect

that weak backhand

to stand up

against my powerful serve?

I can't believe this.

Believe it.

I wouldn't rush

the net so much, son.

It shows

overaggressiveness.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Rick. Ha-ha.

And next time I wouldn't use

all those dinky

little drop sh*ts.

Is there anything else, Dad?

Yeah, one more thing.

Next time

you lose on purpose,

you got to make it

look more real.

You knew.

I'm no dummy.

I guess I've just

been acting like one.

I made it rough on you guys,

last week or so, huh?

No, not really.

It was hell.

Throwing a match

is a desperate measure.

Well, we just wanted

the old you back.

Sorry.

No excuses necessary.

Does this mean I can

get rid of your pastels?

Except peach pants.

I kind of like those.

[PHONE RINGS]

Oh, I'll get it.

Let's play another game, this

time you don't throw the match.

You're on, Dad. When?

Two weeks.

All right.

Thanks, Dexter.

Honey, what happened?

Learning

all that Japanese

was a complete

waste of time.

You're not going

to believe this,

but the toy convention

was moved to Israel.

Oy vey.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]