05x08 - Hey, Mrs. Robinson

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are, face to face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find

We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Making a go

Making it grow ♪

♪ Together

We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together

Taking the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things

You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and I... ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I... ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

Are the Internal Revenue

Auditors still there?

They're gone.

How much

is it gonna cost us?

Nothing?

Damn right, nothin'!

We run a tight ship, right, Dex?

[LAUGHS HEARTILY]

Ah, boy, I'm so glad

this is over.

[LAUGHS]

I could kiss you.

Yeah! I owe you

a night on the town.

Ha, ha!

Who are you gonna kiss?

Dexter.

Again?

Honey,

we just had the audit.

It's all over, and we don't owe

one red cent in taxes.

[WHOOPS]

[LAUGHS]

Well, why don't you kiss me,

and I'll pass it on to Dexter.

Yeah...

What's this?

Hm. Alaskan king crab,

imported cheeses, canapés,

and to top it all off,

Beluga caviar.

Caviar?

I'm glad we didn't have

the IRS audit here.

[SIGHS]

Oh.

It's not every day that

my best friend from college

comes to visit.

Well, I wanna impress her

with a gourmet spread.

Why is it when my friends

from college come to visit,

they get liverwurst?

To some of your friends,

liverwurst is gourmet.

Anyway, I want everything

to be just right

for Jackie's visit,

that's all.

Don't sit there!

[GRUNTS]

Where do you want me

to sit, on the floor?

No. It's just been waxed.

Honey, will you relax?

Come on,

she's your friend.

Aren't you getting

a little carried away?

Oh,

I can't help myself.

Jackie always affects me

this way.

She always did me

one better in college.

And I'm always trying

to measure up to her.

Measure up? Kate, come on,

you're the president

of one of the biggest

toy companies

in the country.

Yeah...

You had your picture on the

cover of a national magazine.

New York voted you

the businesswoman of the year.

You're on top of the heap.

You're right.

I am on top of the heap.

How do I look?

You look fabulous.

Maybe

I'd better go change.

All right,

I'll see you later.

I'm going to Alfonso's.

Hold it.

You can't go to Alfonso's.

Why not?

Because my best friend

is coming to visit.

I told you.

Yeah, but Alfonso and I

are supposed to hang out.

Well, you'll just

have to hang out here.

Yeah,

don't feel bad.

I can't even sit

on the floor.

This is important

to me.

I made a special dinner.

And I want

both of you here.

But Kate,

this isn't fair.

I mean, I hate being stuck with

a bunch of senior citizens.

Senior citizens?

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

[IMITATING SENIOR CITIZEN]

I'll get that.

You just stay right here,

And I'll work my way over.

Right now, boy oh, boy.

Yeah.

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

Oh, uh, Edward, Edward,

you stand there.

Rick, you stand

over here.

Yeah. Oh, and...

[IN NORMAL VOICE]

You want us to stand

at attention or at ease?

[EXHALES QUICKLY]

Jackie!

[SCREAMS]

Katie!

Oh, is that all you can say

after all these years?

Oh, Jackie! Ooh!

Oh, you don't look like

you've changed a bit.

You haven't changed

a bit, either.

Yeah, but I mean it,

heh.

You look so...um...

Yeah, you sure do.

Oh, thanks. You must be Edward.

Ah, lucky guess.

And-and this--

This is my stepson,

Rick.

Hi, Rick.

Pleased to meet you.

I've been looking forward

to meeting you too.

I was just

telling Kate.

I can't believe it,

you're really here.

Oh, this is nice.

I'm impressed.

Well, it's not much,

but we kids like it.

Well, here,

sit down!

We have so much

to talk about.

[CHUCKLES]

Edward, would you mind

getting us some wine?

Huh?

[CHUCKLES]

Wine.

Ah, yeah!

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Would you like that on

the rocks or straight up?

Oh, why don't we

live dangerously?

I'll take it straight up.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[CLEARS THROAT]

[CHUCKLES POLITELY]

Kate,

you look wonderful.

I'm so glad you never changed

your hairstyle.

Well, actually,

it-it's not the same.

But you've certainly

changed yours, ha!

How do you stay

so young-looking?

I have to.

There's not a person over

working at that magazine.

Except for me,

of course.

What magazine did you say

you were working for?

I'm the editor of RAD.

RAD? Kate, RAD's the hottest

thing in the rock world.

I can't believe

you're the editor.

I bought the latest issue

yesterday.

Wait till

next month's issue.

I'm doing a spread on

Mike and the Mechanics.

Mike and the Mechanics?

Yeah!

I've loved Mike ever since

he was in Genesis.

I talked Phil Collins

into going on tour

with Genesis again.

You're kidding?

Uh-huh.

Know who's going to open

for them? Simply Red.

He is?

Simply Red? Ha, ha!

What do his friends call him,

Simp?

[LAUGHS]

Did you hear

Steve Howe left Asia?

Yes! And he's playing

with Steve Hackett?

No!

How about some caviar?

Oh, no, thanks.

They're gonna

call themselves GTR.

RICKY: Wow!

What did I miss?

Beats me.

I certainly hope

you're hungry.

I made

a wonderful dinner.

Oh, I hope you're not

planning to eat early.

I've got to do

an interview in an hour.

What--? You just got here.

I know.

They left a message for me

at the airport.

I've got to interview

the Stray Dogs.

You're gonna interview

the Stray Dogs?

Yeah.

The whole litter.

Well, here's to

a successful interview.

Don't forget to wear

your flea collar.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

[GLASSES CLINK]

[SIGHS]

I gotta go. Kate,

why don't you come with me?

You could meet

the Stray Dogs.

Ah.

No, thanks.

I think I, uh, already saw them

on Wild Kingdom, ha, ha!

[CLEARS THROAT

LOUDLY]

Rick, I'm sure Jackie

doesn't want you hanging around

while she's working.

I don't mind.

Really.

Well,

all right then!

What about Alfonso?

Who?

Alfonso, your friend,

remember?

The one you were gonna

hang out with?

Oh, well, I'll see him tomorrow.

I'll have more to tell him.

We won't be long.

Allow me.

Why, thank you.

Well...

so far, it's been

a fun visit.

Huh...

Honey, they'll be back

in a little while. Ah...

Edward, uh, do you think

she looks younger than I do?

Kate--

[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]

[♪♪♪]

It's after .

They left here at .

Maybe they took the Stray Dogs

for a walk.

[LAUGHS]

The stray dog...

It took me two hours to make

that stupid dessert.

I enjoyed it.

I made it for Jackie.

I enjoyed hers too.

You're not helping,

Edward.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Honestly!

Guys, what a night!

I'm really sorry

that we're late,

but the group had new songs

they wanted to try out,

and then they asked us

to eat with them.

You ate with

the Stray Dogs?

JACKIE: Yeah.

What kind of food:

dry or moist?

They actually asked

my opinion about the songs.

It was great. I told them the

arrangement needs more guitar.

Ah, I'm sure

they appreciated that.

He was a big hit. They told him

to learn an instrument

and they'd make him a

Stray Dog.

Ha, ha!

It's what we've always

wanted for Rick.

Well, Jackie, what do you

wanna do now?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Aren't you a little

bit tired, buddy?

Tired?

Boy, I sure know I am.

Yeah. Me too.

Night, Dad.

Night, Kate.

Good night, Jackie.

Oh, good night, Rick.

That's some young man

you got there.

[♪♪♪]

All I'm saying is Jackie's

been here for three days.

And I haven't spent

any time with her.

Honey, she is

here on business.

Oh, I know...

Besides, you'll

spend time with her tonight

at the restaurant.

Yeah, but you and Dexter

are gonna be there.

Well, the dinner is

for Dexter.

And I'm paying for it,

so I guess we kind of

have to be there.

You know what I mean.

I just haven't had a chance

to talk to her yet.

I heard you talking to her.

I mean, about important things

like careers,

and politics,

and world peace.

Ah, girl talk?

But I want you to meet her.

It'll be fine.

Hi.

EDWARD: Hi.

Anyone for pizza?

Pizza? We're taking Dexter

out to dinner tonight.

To a very expensive

restaurant.

Don't spoil your appetite.

I forgot all about it.

Look, guys, I don't

have to go, do I?

Kate always makes me

wear a tie.

You don't have to go.

[SIGHS]

I'll wear the tie.

Great. I'll take my

dinner in the kitchen.

I picked Rick up

after school,

and he wanted me to meet

a few friends.

I hope you weren't

too bored.

Bored?

I was asked to the senior prom!

Twice.

[CHUCKLES]

I'll bet.

Jackie, don't forget that rock

video you promised to show me.

Oh! I'll go get it.

Rick,

it's really nice of you

to spend so much time

with Jackie.

Oh, I don't mind, Kate.

Besides, it's nice

to talk to a grownup

who doesn't make you

feel like a kid.

Do I make you feel

like a kid?

Sure.

But that's your job.

It's both of our jobs.

And by the way,

you're both very good at it.

Anyway, Jackie is so cool,

Kate.

It's hard to even imagine

that you two were classmates.

I got it.

Great!

You can point out

all the people you know.

It's a new group from London

called The Falling Bridges.

Do you wanna

see it?

Oh, I can't.

I lost my bifocals.

Ha!

Do I detect

a note of jealousy?

Jealousy?

Why should I

be jealous?

I mean, just because

Rick idolizes a woman

who's on a first-name basis

with the rich and the famous,

and she jet sets to all the

romantic places in the world.

Come on, honey. Didn't you go

to Germany just last month?

That was

a business trip.

Besides,

it wasn't Germany.

It was Bulgaria.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING

OVER SPEAKERS]

Oh-ho-ho!

It sounds like we have

two teenagers in the house.

Yeah.

One of them's

my age.

Mmm, chocolate mousse.

My favorite.

Sure you won't have some, Dex?

Oh, no, thank you.

Come on, it's our treat.

Don't be bashful.

I know. I just don't

wanna get fat.

Unlike you,

I can't eat what I want

and stay

slim and beautiful.

Ooh, that was good.

So tell me more about

this Jackie

I was supposed

to meet tonight.

Oh, well, she couldn't make it.

She got sick.

What is she like?

Ah, she's terrific.

She's bright, funny,

young-looking, beautiful--

You really like her.

Are you kidding? She's--

Okay.

If you like

that type.

Honey, would you

like to dance?

You can dance

with your foot in your mouth?

[LAUGHS]

Well,

will you look at that?

EDWARD:

She's old enough

to be his mother.

Maybe she is his mother.

[SMIRKS]

I certainly hope not.

I don't believe

you two.

I mean, what if it was an

older man and a younger woman?

What's the matter

with that?

Yeah, it's normal

for a man.

And for a woman,

it's abnormal?

No, it's not

abnormal.

It's--

It's sick!

For your

information,

Jackie, who Edward

thinks the world of,

dates a lot

of younger guys.

Yeah?

Um-hm.

How much younger?

Pretty young. She told me

she dated Johnny Rival.

BOTH:

Ooh!

The Johnny Rival?

The rock star?

Mm-hm.

He's not much older

than Rick.

No.

Yeah. It was a little more

than just dating,

if you know what I mean.

BOTH: Ooh.

Well, that's every young boy's

fantasy, isn't it?

To make it with a sexy,

older woman.

[BOTH LAUGH]

And you say that Rick is seeing

a lot of this Jackie?

Excuse us, Dexter.

What?

Ah, we've gotta

get home.

But, uh...

Thanks for the dinner.

Rick? Jackie?

Oh, no!

They don't seem to be

down here.

Oh, no!

Hey.

Boy, you guys

got home early.

Rick, where did you

get that robe?

Oh, it's a thank-you present

from Jackie.

You know, Dad,

for showing her a good time.

Oh, no.

Will you stop saying

"Oh, no"?

So, uh...

where is Jackie?

She was up in bed

last time I saw her.

Oh, no...

Uh...

I think I'll go upstairs

and see how my sick friend is.

And by the way, Kate,

she feels a lot better now.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Uh, mmm, what--?

What--? Ahem,

Rick, what

happened tonight?

[CHUCKLES]

Dad, Dad, Dad.

Dad, tonight...

I had the most incredible

experience of my whole life!

Incredible experience?

Do you wanna talk about it?

Talk about it?

Dad, I feel like

opening the front door

and letting

the whole world know!

Tell your father first.

Dad...

...I spoke

to Bruce Springsteen.

You already told somebody--

Bruce Springsteen?

Yeah, Dad.

Jackie called him in Japan

where he's on tour.

I spoke to Bruce for

over an hour.

He asked me

who my favorite group is--

That--

That was the experience?

Was it ever!

I think

I have to sit down.

Well, I'm glad

you feel better.

Yeah. It must have been

a flu or something.

Yeah, well, I hear

something is going around.

Sure hope

Rick doesn't get it.

He spent the whole evening

up here.

[EXHALES]

I guess you and Rick

had quite a night.

[LAUGHS]

Yeah, I guess we did.

And Bruce

was such a sweetheart.

Bruce? How many kids

did you have up here?

Bruce Springsteen.

I let Rick talk to him

in Japan.

And that's what you and Rick

did tonight?

Isn't that enough?

Oh, heh, yeah, well,

that's enough, all right.

Oh, what a relief.

I mean, it's perfect.

Perfect.

Wait a minute.

What do you think we did

up here?

Uh, heh,

nothing, nothing, heh.

Oh, my God,

he's your stepson!

I mean, you really think

I'd come here

and hit on your stepson?

Uh, no, no.

Of course not.

It's just that, well,

you live a rather bizarre

lifestyle.

I'm very sorry my lifestyle

doesn't measure up to yours.

I didn't say that.

I think you've got

a great lifestyle.

I-- You always did.

What does that mean?

I mean, you were honor student,

valedictorian,

most popular girl on campus.

Everybody always loved Jackie.

You were jealous of me!

Were?

I-- I still am.

[SCOFFS]

Why?

Why?

Look at you.

You've still

got it all together.

And everything

just falls into place.

And everybody

still loves Jackie.

And why shouldn't they?

I mean, who could resist someone

with such an exciting life?

Oh, exciting?

Yeah! I mean, one minute

you're on your way to Rome,

and then

it's London or Paris.

Or Cleveland

or Buffalo or Fargo.

I'm never in one place long

enough to get my laundry done,

let alone meet someone.

But you meet lots of guys.

I mean, you even dated

Johnny Rival.

Oh, he's a kid, Kate.

That's who

I spend my time with. Kids.

Well,

what about all the glamour?

You know,

meeting all those celebrities?

That part's not

so bad.

Yeah.

[CHUCKLES]

But it sure doesn't compare

with what you've got.

Me?

Oh...

You've got

this beautiful home.

A husband who loves you.

A son who brags about you.

You're president

of your own company.

Rick brags about me?

Every chance he gets.

[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]

I, uh...

I guess from where I stood,

the grass looked a lot greener.

Because you couldn't see

the weeds.

Oh, Jackie...

I'm sorry

for what I was thinking.

Well,

you should be.

Forgive me?

Oh, hey...

We're friends,

aren't we?

You still wanna be

my friend?

[LAUGHS]

You know,

I'm a busy woman, Kate.

I don't have time

to make new friends,

so I'd better hang onto

the ones I've got.

Aw, you always did know

the right things to say.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's why they made me

class valedictorian.

Yeah.

Oh...

Could I ask you

something...personal?

What?

Well...

You look so fantastic...

I was wondering...

Did you ever have

anything...

...lifted?

No.

Well, a real friend

would have said yes.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[♪♪♪]

Jackie, I put your bags

in your car.

Well...

Thanks, Rick,

I guess I'd better get going.

[BOTH GRUNT]

[CHUCKLES]

I had a wonderful time,

Kate.

Yeah.

I especially enjoyed

our little talk.

And don't you forget,

next time,

we meet at my place

in California.

It's a deal.

[BOTH GRUNT]

Does that include

husband?

Of course.

The whole family's invited.

[GRUNTS]

Well, goodbye.

[LAUGHS]

Rick, you had

your hug.

Yeah. Jackie will

miss her plane.

Really? Ha-ha-ha-ha!

I better get going.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

JACKIE:

Goodbye all. Goodbye!

ALL: Goodbye!

EDWARD: Bye-bye.

Thank you.

KATE: Bye.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Well...

[SIGHS]

...did you had a nice visit?

I had a wonderful time.

I even got a chance to learn

something about the rock scene.

[PHONE RINGING]

I'll get it.

Hello.

Yes, it is.

Uh, she just left.

Yeah, I can get

a message to her.

Uh-huh.

Call Mick in London.

Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

Thank you, Mr. Jagger.

So, anyway...

I just talked to

Mick Jagger!

[SCREAMS]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]