05x13 - Rumors Are Flying

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are

Face to face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hoping to find

We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Making a go

Making it grow ♪

♪ Together

We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together

Taking the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things

You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons

Together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

Now that-- That's a six.

Five.

Four.

I mean seven.

Eight!

Nine!

BRAD:

Hot babe eleven o'clock.

Samantha Simmons.

A definite .

Ten-plus.

Gentlemen, I think we found

our first gold medal winner.

[SCOFFS]

What are the numbers for?

Oh, nothing.

Just a little rating game

that we like to play...

Oh. I thought you were

holding up your I.Q.'s.

Ooh...

She is outstanding.

I'd love to get her

in the backseat of my car...

if I had a car.

Forget it.

The woman turned me down cold.

Three times in a row.

No!

Hey, I'm telling you,

she copped this attitude,

like she was better than me,

like I was a jerk or something.

Where would she ever

get an idea like that?

Yeah, and you think

you could do better?

If I wanted to.

Everybody wants to.

Five bucks says you can't

even get a date with her.

Aw, come on, Brad.

I don't need your money.

Yeah. Well, I got a dollar

that says you won't even try.

Ooh!

Okay. I'll take that

right now.

Hi.

Yes?

Remember me?

The guy with the I.Q.

Yeah.

You looked like the smart one.

My name is Rick Stratton.

I know. You were in

my chemistry class last year.

Oh, you noticed me.

So how you doing this year

in chemistry?

Please,

I don't want to talk about it.

Okay.

Let's change the subject then.

Do you want to go out with me?

Uh, thanks,

but I don't really date much,

and I don't know you

that well.

Well, I know,

but that can change.

I'm sorry, I'm a little too busy

these days and I gotta go...

because I have a lot

of studying to do.

Hey, hey. I understand.

It-it's cool.

Hey, wait a minute.

This studying...wouldn't happen

to be chemistry, would it?

It's always chemistry.

Why don't we

study together sometime.

Chemistry is my best subject.

I got an A on the last test.

Really?

So come on, what do you say?

I'll think about it.

Okay.

So?

So she's thinking about it.

Yeah. Right. Pay up.

Oh, Rick. Let's do it.

Thursday night.

Here's my number.

Thanks, Sam.

[♪♪♪]

You know, it's not fair.

The first night in weeks we've

had a chance to go out together

and I've got to share you

with the Carmichaels.

I know. Life is cruel.

The Carmichaels?! We're going

out with the Wheelers.

No, we're not.

The Wheelers are next Thursday.

No. No. No.

The Wheelers are tonight.

I made the arrangements myself.

Here. See?

Well, I made the arrangements

with the Carmichaels. See?

Oh, great.

Now what are we going to do?

Simple!

We'll all go out together.

Just call the restaurant

and change the reservation

for six.

Oh, good idea.

Oh, wait a minute.

Aren't the Carmichaels and

the Wheelers always fighting?

Not since their kids

quit little league.

Hey, Dad!

Shouldn't you be leaving?

Any minute.

Good.

Well, Dad, what I mean is,

have a good time.

So, what are your plans

for tonight?

Aw, nothing much. Just some

studying with a friend.

Who?

Who? Um...Sam. Sam.

I don't believe I know him.

Well, no wrestling

in the living room this time.

I promise, Dad.

Not in the living room.

Okay. I changed the reservation.

Let's go.

Okey-doke.

Well, have fun, kids.

Yeah. We shouldn't be

too late, son.

No, Dad. It's okay.

Please be late.

[DOORBELL CHIMING]

Hi. Is Rick home?

Hi, Sam. Come on in.

Dad, Kate,

this is Samantha Simmons.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Hello.

Hi.

So this is the "Sam" you were

so eager to study with?

Rick, you know,

you two are gonna be alone here

together, so, be...uh...careful.

Well, Dad, I understand.

I'll keep the door locked.

That too.

Let's hurry.

Yeah. We better leave

and let you two

get right to it...

Studying, that is.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Well, come on in.

Tell me where

you're having problems.

You name it.

Well, could you narrow it down

just a little?

Well, substance measurement,

for one.

Okay, moles.

Moles?

Yeah. Molecular weight.

You see, it's a unit

of measurement.

Oh.

Your problem's right here.

You set up the equation wrong.

It's grams

divided by molecular weight.

I see.

Look, I'll show you.

You know, it's awfully nice

of you to help me out like this.

To be honest,

I wasn't "just" being nice.

I had ulterior motives.

I know.

[♪♪♪]

Okay, honey,

dinner with the Carmichaels

and the Wheelers was a mistake.

Three Mile Island was a mistake.

Tonight was a disaster.

Well, I did my best.

I spent the whole first part

of the evening

trying to get them

to talk to each other.

Yeah, and the rest

of the evening

getting Norman

out of a choke-hold.

Yeah, that Edith

is strong as a bull.

[CHUCKLES]

[RINGS]

I'll get it. Ahem.

If that's Edith, tell her I got

her a rematch with Hulk Hogan.

Hello.

Who?

Mrs. Simmons. Sam's mother.

Yeah. What can I do for you?

Oh, I assumed she left here

a while ago...

I don't know when.

We just got home...

I think he's upstairs asleep,

I'll be glad to ask him

and get back to you.

Yeah, what's your number?

Mm-hm.

Rick. Rick!

Oh, hi, Dad.

Dad!

What happened?

That's a good question.

Well, Dad, we must

have fallen asleep.

That's not a good answer.

I am so embarrassed.

Dad, it's not what you think,

I was just showing her my moles.

Dad, see-my mo...my mo...

My molecular tables.

You see, they're right here.

We fell asleep studying.

We'll talk about

your moles later.

Samantha's mother just called.

She's worried sick about you.

Oh, great. It's been nice

knowing all of you...

Well, go down and call her.

Tell her you're okay

and I'll drive you home.

Okay.

Well, it's pretty late.

So we're gonna talk about this

one in the morning. Right?

No, we're going to talk

about this one right now.

How could you do something

so stupid

as to bring a girl up

in your room when nobody's home!

Dad, I swear!

Nothing happened...

Nothing at all.

It was completely innocent.

Well, that's good to know.

But you exercised

very poor judgment, son.

No let me rephrase that.

It was dumb

and stupid

to bring a girl up to your room.

Not even your room-- Your bed!

That's even stupider!

Dad I know and I'm sorry.

It'll never happen again.

I promise.

It better not!

Come on, didn't you ever make

a mistake when you were my age?

No!

[♪♪♪]

BRAD: Yo, Stratton.

Hey, guys.

We gotta talk to you.

Sure, what's up?

You tell us.

What happened last night?

Nothing happened.

Come on...

something must have happened.

Samantha got grounded.

She did?

When did you find out?

Just now. So come on

what happened? You can tell us.

Yeah. We're your best friends.

All right.

Nothing happened.

Look, we started out studying

in the living room...

Yeah? Yeah?

And then we wanted

to listen to some music

so we went up to my room...

Good move.

I taught him that.

So we were sitting on my bed...

Wait. Go slower.

And then we fell asleep.

W-wait a second. Aren't you

leavin' something out?

Like what happened

between sitting on the bed

and falling asleep?

Look guys. Nothing happened.

Nothing at all!

I think he's telling us

the truth.

You think so?

Sure.

What could happen with

Saint Stratton in the room?

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah. He wouldn't think

of trying anything.

He was probably too afraid

to even make a move.

Come on guys, I wasn't afraid.

Oh, yeah? Did you score?

Hey, Brad, you know, you don't

talk about those things.

Sure you do. Yes or no.

Did you score

or did you chicken out?

Come on, guys.

I never chicken out.

That means he scored!

All right! Way to go, k*ller.

See. I knew

he wouldn't let us down.

So, uh, how was it?

What do you mean,

"how was it"?

It's like it always is,

right, Rick?

Yeah, yeah, I know that.

I just wanted to make sure

it was the same for Rick.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Where were you?

Oh, my morning

racquetball game...

You left before I woke up.

Yeah, I tiptoed out.

I didn't want to wake you.

But I hurried back

as soon as I could.

Good.

You're just in time

to kiss me goodbye.

What!

I gotta go meet Frank Bellows

down at the office.

We're close to a breakthrough

on Crazy Bouncing Putty.

[PUTTY THUDS]

By tomorrow, that'll bounce.

But it's Saturday.

I was hoping to spend

the day with you.

Honey, I'll be back by .

Well, yeah, well, I have to go

somewhere by .

I'll go with you.

A bridal shower?

I'll wear my pearls.

But I wanted to spend some time

with you right now.

Well, I have five minutes.

Oh, this is ridiculous.

What could we possibly do

in five minutes?

I mean, down here.

Edward.

Aw, honey, you're right.

We got to find a way to spend

more time together.

What are you doing

tomorrow night?

Before or after your poker game?

Right again. Let me see.

How about Monday night?

No, I have a business class.

Can't you ditch?

I teach it.

Ah.

Wait a minute.

How about Tuesday night?

No can do.

I've got a "Save

Long Island Sound" meeting.

I thought you saved it

last year.

Just part of it.

Oh.

How about Wednesday?

Nope.

Dinner with the Martins.

Not the Martins.

Last time we had dinner

with them,

he washed his teeth out

in my water glass.

Oh, come on, Edward.

He was just joking.

I mean, it was Halloween.

Well, the only night I have open

is Thursday.

Aw, and all I've got

is Tuesday morning.

Tell you what.

[SIGHS] What?

I'll meet you in the shower

Wednesday morning - : .

Ooh!

[CHUCKLES]

Okay.

How will I know you?

I'll be the one

wearing soap-on-a-rope.

[♪♪♪]

Uh, excuse me?

Yeah, hi, Elliot.

Can I talk to you

for a minute?

Sure. What's up? You having

trouble in algebra again?

Well, yes, I am.

But that's not why I'm here.

Okay, then why are you here?

Actually, we need some tutoring

in another subject...

Sex!

Well, heh,

why are you coming to me?

Because you're the guy who

scored with Samantha Simmons.

Way to go!

What? Hey, look,

who told you that?

It's common knowledge.

Of course, we freshmen

were the last to find out.

It takes longer to trickle down.

Oh, no...

Now, I've got some specific

questions from my gym class.

Should you or should you not

eat before--

Not now, Elliot.

I've got to strangle someone.

Brad!

Oh, hiya, buddy.

Don't buddy me.

I'll gonna k*ll you.

Huh?

Samantha Simmons, that's what.

It's all over school!

You told someone!

No! I swear!

I didn't tell anyone.

It must have been Eric.

[SIGHS]

Or someone

from the football team.

You told the football team?

Hey, they swore

they'd keep it a secret!

Aw, now, I'm really

going to k*ll you!

Hey, lighten up...

Lighten up?!

What if this gets back to Sam?

Doesn't she already know?

Hi, Rick.

Hi, Allison.

Hi, babe.

I was wondering...

Could you give me some help

in chemistry?

Um...

I could come to your house.

No!

Um... You can't!

No, you can't! No! No.

Well,

we could do it at my house.

But it'd have to be

on Wednesday.

That's when my parents

go bowling.

We'd be all alone.

[WHIMPERS]

Um...Allison, I would

really love to, but I can't.

You know, I'm busy,

I think. Sort of.

Well, if you unbusy yourself...

call me.

And you wanted to k*ll me?

You should be thanking me.

Thanking you?

Oh, no...

I don't want Samantha to see me.

Well, uh,

if you're through with her,

you mind if I ask her out?

Brad,

you're gross and disgusting!

Is that a "no"?

Hi.

Hi. What are you doing here?

I thought you were grounded.

Boy, word sure travels fast.

[CHUCKLES]

You have no idea.

So how'd you get out

of the house?

Lockup isn't until .

How come you didn't

get grounded?

I talked fast

and looked pathetic.

Hi, Cheryl.

I don't get it.

Girls I know have been

ignoring me all day.

Do I have food

stuck in my teeth?

No. They're fine.

Well, at least

you're still talking to me.

Uh...I'm gonna go get you

something to drink.

Thanks.

Hi, there.

Hi, Mike.

I didn't know you and young

Stratton were going together.

We're not.

In that case,

why don't you and I go out?

Say, next Saturday

to the drive-in?

It's closed for renovation.

I know.

Thank you very much, Mike,

but drop dead.

Look, I don't get it.

You won't go out with me,

but you'll sleep with him.

You told people

I slept with you?

We fell asleep together...

but we didn't sleep together.

There's a big difference,

you know.

Believe me, I know that.

I just-- I didn't--

How could you?

How could you say that?

Look, I didn't mean to.

It just came out that way

when I was talking to Brad.

Brad? The jerk?

And Eric.

The dork? Great.

No wonder I've been getting

all these looks.

It's probably all over school.

Sam, I'm sorry...

I'll bet you are!

Wait, look, don't go.

Okay. Please.

I'll do anything to make it

up to you. Anything!

No, thank you.

You've done enough already.

I don't think my reputation

can handle anymore.

I'll never be able

to show my face here again.

Wait!

Can I have everyone's

attention here, please.

I have an announcement to make.

Who is it this time?

[LAUGHS]

Nothing ever happened

between me and Samantha.

That's not what we heard.

I know.

It's a rumor which I started.

It's a complete and total lie.

I've never done anything

with Sam.

That's the truth.

I'm sorry, Sam.

To think we looked up to you.

[♪♪♪]

You've sure been staying home

a lot, son.

Anything wrong?

No, what could be wrong?

Where's Kate?

She's at a conference.

Oh. Why aren't you with her?

She wanted me to go,

but those things are so boring.

Yeah. Not exciting

like this slumber party.

[SCOFFS]

You know something?

You're right.

Why should I be bored here,

when I could be bored with Kate?

Well, not that I'm bored

with Kate,

or with you...

for that matter.

You see, because I think--

Dad.

Hmm?

Go to the conference.

Good idea.

That way Kate and I

can be together.

[CHUCKLES]

Thanks, son.

[DOORBELL CHIMING]

Hi.

Hi.

Somebody to see you.

I'll see you later.

Not much later.

Let's just say

I could be back anytime.

Hi.

Hi.

I, uh, just dropped by

to see how you were doing.

Oh, I'm doing swell.

Never been better.

Really?

Yeah.

All the guys think I'm a wimp

and all the girls snicker.

Oh, then you know how I felt?

Yeah, I sure do.

I also wanted to tell you

that I thought what you did

at Burgers

was a very classy thing.

Oh, yeah?

And I still need help

in chemistry.

You do?

Well, I'm not doing anything

right now...

Great. I've got my books.

Well, terrific, then.

Only this time, let's go study

down at the library?

But it's so crowded.

Yeah. And safer.

Honey! Surprise!

Honey?

Edward, I came home

from the conference,

just to be with you.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]