01x05 - To Be Here

[bunniefuu]

You can be free in this room.

You can be free with me.

Did you think you were above everything?

(GASPING, SCREAMING)

- (CRUNCHING)
- Ow!

I miss them. Tye... was just a baby.

Perseverance is not missing.

She's dead.

Did you find out any more
about Perseverance's children?

They were adopted out, you knew that.

They're in the States.

I told you that last week.

(SOLEMN MUSIC)

(SOFT INDIGENOUS VOCALIZING)

(CATHOLIC PRAYERS ECHOING)

(DISTANT CHURCH BELLS TOLLING)

(REPORTER): It's a historic
day and years in the making.

But finally, residential
school survivors from Canada

are in here in Rome, Italy.

To tell their truth about what
happened at residential schools

to their people.

Friday is the general
audience with the Pope.

Where hopefully, all of the stories

and all of the information
that's he's heard

from the delegates this
week will make a difference.

And we'll be here to cover more stories

as we go through the week.

(BELLS CHIMING)

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(INAUDIBLE WHISPERING)

His Excellency would like to ask

if any of the residential
school survivors

would like to take this
opportunity to speak

or be heard by his Holiness.

(INAUDIBLE WHISPERING)

(CLEARING THROAT)

My mother would like to
speak in her language.

Our language, Cree.

I will translate for her.

(SPEAKING CREE)

My name is Aline Spears.

I am from the Cree Nation
in Manitoba, Canada.

I am years old.

(SPEAKING CREE)

I would like to ask if
Cardinal Thomas Miller

is the same Cardinal Thomas Miller

who was the Head of the Royal Commission

on Sexual Abuse in Canada?

(SPEAKING CREE)

Then, the Holy See on sexual
abuse here at the Vatican

and now the Vatican Treasurer.

Yes. It is correct.

Cardinal Thomas Miller.

(ALINE SPEAKING CREE)

I first knew him as Thomas Miller,

a -year-old piano teacher
at the residential school

I attended.

(SPEAKING CREE)

Then as Deacon Miller then
as Father Thomas Miller.

(SPEAKING CREE)

(SOLEMN MUSIC)

Then as the man who sexually abused me

at sixteen,

and impregnated me.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

My turn.

(DISCORDANT PIANO NOTES)

(GASPING)

(MOANING)

There, there.

(WHIMPERING)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(DOVES COOING)

(ETHEREAL MUSIC)

Are you all right?

I'm fine. Just tired.

You should get some sleep.

You should get some sleep.

- I don't want to talk about it.
- I wasn't going to ask.

You were.

I'm ready to go home.

I know.

I know you are.

You did good today.

(BABY'S CRY ECHOING)

(PANTING)

I want my baby.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Give me my baby!

He was born, stillborn.

You heard him crying.
He's alive and you know it.

He's dead to you.

- It's better this way.
- For who?!

I don't know.

Where will they take him?

They will take him and
bury him down by the river.

I will tell someone.

I will tell anyone who will listen.

(GROANING)

Do you think anyone would believe you?

Why would you let them?

How could you let them?

I didn't have a choice.

You're a woman.

A child who's had a child
makes you a child no longer.

We're both prisoners of
our own circumstances.

(WIND BLOWING)

If the future can be erased
by a stamp of a boot...

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

I'm sorry.

If that's what you need to hear.

I'm sorry about everything.

I don't need your sorrow.

I need your protection.

You owe me that.

You know he'll come at me again.

You are an Indian.

I don't owe you anything.

And even if I did,

how can I protect you when
I can't even protect myself?

You took my protection away...

when you broke the bones in my hand.

I knew that.

I knew that.

(DOOR LOCKING)

(SOLEMN MUSIC)

(INSECTS CHIRPING)

(SIGHING) I'm so tired.

(GRUNTING)

You're almost there.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

You can go the rest of the way yourself.

(PANTING)

Where am I going?

You'll know soon enough.

(ENGINE STARTING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(SPEAKING CREE)

Let's get you cleaned up.

(ETHEREAL MUSIC)

(HUMMING)

(INDIGENOUS VOCALIZING)

(SOBBING)

(INDIGENOUS VOCALIZING)

(SERENE MUSIC)

Sixteen is the youngest
we can take them in.

Even with parental consent.

She's sixteen, for sure.

We have a train leaving
tonight for Montreal.

She'll be in basic training there.

We can get her on that
if that's not too early.

That's perfect.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

I don't want to go.

I want to stay. With you.

And... And see Dad.

And Perseverance and Johnnie.

I want those things too.

But the only way we can make sure

they don't send you
back to that school is...

to send you to w*r.

It's funny, huh?

You promise me that you won't look back.

For us.

You're not being selfish, my girl.

We need you to because...

you are our tomorrow.

Hmm?

Will you be here...

when I get back?

Your dad and me will always be here.

No! I mean, be here, be here.

I'll see what I can do.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Leave nothing left to see.

We are not us...

without them.

(TEARFULLY) They're not them...

without us.

- (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)
- Mom!

Take this.

(SIGHING DEEPLY)

There's gonna come a time

when your life is so perfect

and you'll feel the darkness

and it will thr*aten
to take it all away.

You don't let it.

You don't let them win.

You be everything that
you're meant to be.

Promise me.

Promise me!

I promise.

(MAN): Boarding!

You remind me of her.

My mother.

Hmm.

People say I remind them of you.

Hmm.

(PHONE RINGING)

(TENSE MUSIC)

(CITY SOUND-SCAPE)

I wanted to see you before I left.

That was quite the dramatic reunion.

They're placing me on leave.

I'm flying back to Canada tonight.

Face the music, as they say.

Even if I am charged,

even if I am convicted...

of sexual abuse,

the Church Council
will likely drag it out.

And with any luck...

I'll be dead by then.

Or we both will be.

A surprising bit of grace
offered at this old age.

Was there not one good thing

we gave you at Residential School?

Not once ounce of
goodness that came from me?

Surely, you learned something from us

that sustained you in your life.

What I've learned

from defending Indigenous survivors...

who were defenseless children...

is that they might
have lived in poverty,

but they knew love.

What you taught them,

was an education

in unrelenting cruelty.

Of course. It's you.

Her daughter.

The lawyer.

What are you now?

A Truth and Reconciliation Commissioner.

You must have been just
like her when you were young.

I can see it in your face.

Did she ever play again?

Piano.

Yes.

Of course she did.

- She could have been...
- She could have been a lot of things.

But what she was and is...

is an amazing mother.

What did you do with the child?

How did you make him disappear?

I don't know what you're implying.

What kind of monsters
do you think we are?

(LAUGHING)

Do you really want me to answer that?

He was adopted.

By a family who couldn't conceive.

How Christian of you.

I would imagine there are no records.

One more thing,

Your Eminence.

The Indian Residential School Settlement

is only the beginning.

The Truth and Reconciliation Commission

is gathering the voices

of all the residential school survivors.

So that old age and time

will offer you little grace.

Your name will live on as the
sexual molester that you are.

And as the protector
of serial child abusers.

Your life's work.

Enjoy your flight.

I've said all I've come to say.

You know everything about me.

Well, not everything. But you know.

Are we done here?

- Well, just take your mic off.
- Oh, right.

Is there anything we haven't asked

that you would like to tell?

I think the story goes on.

Taylor. Bring me my
purse there by my coat.

(SOFT MUSIC)

You can give it to her, it's fine.

What do we have here?

It looks like a music score.

It's a song that's a map.

It's the only way we could
record it without them knowing.

The staff are the banks of the river,

except they're curved.

Base cleft is south,

treble is north, half notes are trees.

Whole notes is...

is where they... they buried him.

The breath mark is where we
thought they buried others.

Who is "him"?

That's where they
buried my brother, Tye.

When he was eight.

(TEARFULLY) When we tried to run away.

(SOMBER MUSIC)

Mom?

Mom.

Yes, I can hear.

Sorry.

I just wanted to make
sure you were okay.

I want to go home.

(SIGHS)

I'm tired.

This whole thing's tired me out.

My whole life has tired me out.

We can just sit for a minute.

(EXHALING DEEPLY)

You should get married.

What? Where'd that come
from? You should get married.

Never know. I just might get
a new man now that I'm .

(CHUCKLING)

A rich family member
would be nice for a change.

You can take a hit for the team.

(ALL LAUGHING)

There's so many things I didn't know.

I didn't want you to carry
more than you already did.

You were always so serious.
Taking care of all of us.

You are my voice.

You, you're my dream.

And Jake?

My fire.

Granddad?

My love.

And those we've lost?

My marrow.

My bones.

Our bones.

You sound different.

How?

You sound like you're saying goodbye.

We don't say goodbye.
We say, nikawapamitin.

(SOLEMN MUSIC)

Nikawapamitin.

Hmm.

Hey.

- Thank you.
- Welcome.

Stephen called.

The guy I met from the
University of Winnipeg.

You met a guy?

Intriguing.

(SIGHING)

I told you, he's just a friend.

Mm-hmm.

Will you go?

(EXHALING DEEPLY) I don't
know if I can do that.

I'm working.

(SIGHING)

I'm working.

What about Percy?

Let's see.

Two kids, a husband, upcoming concert.

I think her hands are full.

Hey.

I think you should get your
ass to Winnipeg and help us out.

I'm a little busy.

Anyone ever to tell you you're a bitch?

- No.
- Liar.

- 'Kay. Maybe twice.
- Yeah.

(DOOR SLAMMING)

We found remains
of different children.

Dates range from to '.

These were at the site
that your mother led us to.

There's also a cemetery at
the residential school but...

that held double the amount
of children buried there

than previously known.

Most of the remains are registering
deficiencies in proteins.

Meaning, they were
nutritionally compromised and...

probably d*ed from diseases

that took advantage of
that prolonged state.

Other causes that we weren't ready for

were fractures, they were broken.

And they tell a different story.

(TENSE MUSIC)

These three children
were around the ages

your Uncle Tye would have been

in the area that your mother recorded.

They were so young.

We still have to run some tests

but you coming in here will help a lot.

Dr. Hues.

Please have a seat.

I'll just get you to
lean your head back.

Open your mouth wide.

We'll take a swab and run
it against our findings here.

Thank you, Doctor.

Your mother must be quite the lady.

(CHUCKLING)

I mean to have the presence of mind

to draw a map when she was what, , ?

And to hang onto it
after all these years.

She wanted to come herself,
but she's getting up there.

She'll be next year. Her
health is starting to fail.

Yeah. And you tell
her thank you, for me.

We've been searching for a lot of years.

We knew they were out
there but didn't know where.

So small.

There's no records of their death,

or at least ones that we can get to.

(TENSE MUSIC)

You okay?

Yeah. Just uh...

Yeah.

I know.

I want to go to the
site if that's all right.

Yeah.

I can do that.

(PENSIVE MUSIC)

(DOOR CLOSES)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV)

- Hi. Hi.
- Hi.

Oh, thank you.

(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)

Oh, sorry. I just...

You just look so much like us.

Um, these are my brothers,
Tyler and Bron. I'm Talia.

- Hi, Talia.
- Hi.

I'm Jake, this is my husband Rod.

Hi.

Oh, and this is my daughter, Percy.

- Percy?
- Yeah, I named her...

I named her after your mother.

- Perseverance.
- Hi, Percy.

Hi.

That's my husband over
there. And my two kids.

- Come on in.
- Sure.

Um. Is your mum, is she here?

Yeah. She's upstairs, I'll go get her.

Okay.

Uh, don't forget to
take her purse with her

- when she comes down for dinner.
- Yeah.

She has a thing with her purse lately.

- I gotta give you a hug.
- Oh.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

- Can I take your jacket?
- Yeah, sorry.

No worries.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

- Pleased to meet you.
- You too.

What do you got on the TV?

Oh, we're just watching the game.

(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)

Um.

Yeah, she hasn't been
feeling well lately

because she's overwhelmed by it all.

And... she's overwhelmed.

- Yeah.
- Um, and she's been tired.

Um, but I mean, there's
a lot going on, right?

Plus, there's Percy's
concert after dinner

and it makes her anxious
to leave the house.

- Mm-hmm.
- She's only been out what,

like, twice in the last ten years

- or something like that?
- Yeah, but don't mention

anything about it, it makes her weird.

(LAUGHING) Weirder.

(LAUGHING)

- (DOORBELL RINGING)
- Can you put these away?

Yeah.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- You made it.
- Yeah.

(CHUCKLING)

Come on in.

(SOMBER MUSIC)

Are you ready to go downstairs?

Everyone's waiting.

I guess they don't look the same.

My sister's babies.

Neither do I, I suppose.

They can't wait to meet you, Kokum.

Me too. Me too.

Come on. Let's get up
and go see them now.

I'm scared.

(HEARTFELT MUSIC)

There's nothing to be scared of.

The only thing we should be scared of

is what else you got in that purse.

You'd be surprised.

(LAUGHING)

(SPEAKING CREE)

To family.

(ALL): To family.

(GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ I will see you soon ♪

♪ I love you just like this ♪

♪ How the light hits you so ♪

♪ So beautiful I could cry ♪

♪ And I have all I have ♪

♪ Because I've missed you so ♪

♪ You are my home ♪

♪ I'll meet you up ahead ♪

♪ Where perfect days will remain ♪

♪ I'll meet you over the hill ♪

♪ Wind in our hair ♪

♪ Sun on our faces ♪

♪ Whispering you are my home ♪

♪ You are my bones ♪

♪ Shine on, shine on ♪

♪ You are so beautiful ♪

♪ I could cry ♪

♪ Shine on, shine on ♪

♪ You are my home ♪

♪ You are my fire ♪

♪ You are my song ♪

(MUSIC CRESCENDOS)

(ALINE): In our dreams, in your dreams.

In our bones, in your bones.

This dream can take generations.

Do you think wishes come true?

It might seem impossible...

But make no mistake...

Aline.

I'm Adam.

We are here

(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC, VOCALIZING)

(SINGING IN CREE)

♪ I've missed you ♪

♪ And I have all I have ♪

(LAUGHING)

♪ You are my home ♪

♪ You are my bones ♪

♪ Shine on, shine on ♪

♪ You are my voice ♪

♪ I promise you are ♪

♪ Shine on, shine on ♪

(VOCALIZING)

♪ You are my home ♪

♪ You are my fire ♪

♪ You are my bones ♪

(MAN ): I knew it wasn't
gonna be a good place

the first step that I
put into the building.

(WOMAN ): I went to
the residential school,

transported, you see in the truck,

looked like a cattle truck.

(MAN ): All of my siblings,
we all went in together.

The priest and nuns came,

and my brothers went that way,

and my sisters went that way,
and I never seen them again.

(MAN ): The residential school system

took away my language, my culture...

And my identity.

Mental abuse, physical abuse,

sexual abuse that I witnessed here,

no amount of money, no counselor

could ever take that away from my mind.

And then they scrubbed
us down with disinfectants

like we were diseased little animals.

Sometimes they would get so sick

from the food that they ate, you know,

that they would vomit.

(MAN ): The staff and the supervisors

were being fed bacon and eggs

that was delivered to them at
the head of the dining area.

And they would sit there
like kings and queens.

(WOMAN ): The residential
school was like being in jail.

(MAN ): A life in prison for
a crime you did not commit.

And my only crime was
being born an Indian.

They didn't teach us
love. They taught us fear.

I remember being awakened
and taken out of the room,

and then being sexually
abused by the priest.

(WOMAN ): The residential school kills

the feelings in you. The old saying,

you b*at the Indian out of the child.

Sometimes you b*at the
humanity out of the child.

The priests and nuns failed us

as Indian children put into their care.

Very badly.

They were the problem. I wasn't.

We weren't the problem as children.

(REPORTER): The Truth and
Reconciliation Commission

identified , deaths of children

in residential schools, but
the real number is higher.

So many records are lacking.

The Chair of the Commission,
Murray Sinclair has said

the number of children who
d*ed could be as high as ,.

But I don't look at being a survivor,

I want to be a warrior towards justice

and wellness and healing.

(SOLEMN MUSIC)

(INDIGENOUS VOCALIZING)