01x10 - I Do, I Don't

[bunniefuu]

Face it, Miranda.

it doesn't matter which X
-Man you are you could be Mystique that hot blue chick and Ethan Craft wouldn't give you the time of day.

Which is why I'd be Rogue.

I'd use my mutant power to suck away all Kate's popularity.

Ethan Craft would have no choice but to turn to me.


- Or moi.


- Great, use the untapped powers of the universe to land a guy who's going to end up working at a gas station
-
- part
-time.

Hello! Ever heard of knocking? Have you seen the flashlight? No.

On the phone.

Leave! I have to get off the phone and crush my little brother.

You have five seconds till I sit on your head.


-One Two Three
-Got it.

Does anyone knock in this house? Yes, Dad, what do you want? Do you have any idea why your little brother is covered in dirt? You caught me, I buried him in the backyard.

and he dug his way out Joke! I don't know why he's mud boy but I've got a lot to worry about, Dad.

I'm getting married in the morning and if you please would excuse me! Honey, a little help? Season 1 Episode 10 I Do, I Don't If you believe, We've got a picture
-perfect plan.

We've got you fooled.

'Cause we only do the best we can.

And sometimes we make it.

And sometimes we fake it.

But we get one step closer each and every day.

We'll figure it out on the way.

The rules for the social studies marriage project are as follows: I will pair you off into couples and then everyone will come and select an occupation from this fishbowl.

Each couple must create a fictional lifestyle for themselves and the couple with the best marriage doesn't have to write a paper.

Each couple must make all decisions together.

The project will last one week and will end with a pretend 20th school reunion party where you'll give a report about your last 20 years.

Any questions? Yeah.

Where's my bachelor number one? Okay, let's begin.

Kate Saunders you'll be married to Larry Tudgeman.

Mr.

and Mrs.

Larry Tudgeman.

Mrs.

Kate Tudgeman.

Kate Saunders Tudgeman.

It's all good.

Mrs.

Stebel I can't be married to Larry.

Ugh! But you are married to Larry.

Stop saying that.

I want a new husband.

There are no new husbands, Kate.

Now, you and Larry come on up and select your job.

This is great.

I could be married to a tree frog and still have a better marriage than her.

Ugh.

Yeah, hey, I'm a mailman! No, no.

I'm a mail delivery man.

For without me, there is no mail, I am the mailman.

I'm a TV anchorwoman? I love that.

Honey, that is so great.

Put a cork in it, Tudgeman.

All right, Lizzie McGuire you'll be paired with Ethan Craft, Ethan Craft, Ethan Craft, Ethan Craft! David Gordon.

Gordo's cool.

Yeah, I'm seeing it.

Best friends equals best marriage.

Mix those two together and we have a recipe for victory.

No paper for us this weekend, yes! Lawyer? Cool Mo Dee.

Sanitation engineer? Oh, I'm a garbageman.

I'm Gordo the garbageman.

My wife's a lawyer; I pick up trash.

Hey, it doesn't make you less of a man.

Trust me, I know.

My wife TV personality.

Miranda Sanchez you'll be paired with Ethan Craft.

Okay, so she's my best friend so I guess I'm happy for her.

But this is so unfair.

Hey, Mrs.

Ethan Craft.

Surgeon.

That's like a doctor, right? Okay, so I've met vegetables brighter than him.

But he is a total hottie.

He's a doctor, and I'm a garbageman.

Wha Homemaker.

Can I escort Mrs.

Ethan Craft to her seat? That's Mrs.

Doctor Ethan Craft.

Mrs.

Doctor Ethan Craft? Hi.

Just wanted to let you know I'm eating with my husband the doctor, today.

See you guys in gym.

Sure.

Did you see that rock on Miranda's hand? That's not a rock, it's a continent.

I've been thinking about it.

I'm not going to let this trash man thing get me down.

I've got plans, big plans.

I'm going to build a trash empire with employees and trucks and city contracts.

It's going to be huge.

Hey, Kate.

Hey, Kate? Kate? Ugh, do I know you? Yeah, I'm your husband.

Mrs.

Stebel's class? Mailman? Okay, uh We should probably get to work on this.

Look, I have plans this weekend so I can't write a paper so I need the best marriage, which means you can't be in it, okay?
-Aah.

Want a Brussels sprout?
-Ew! The key is one truck, just one garbage truck.

Then that becomes two garbage trucks, then three then a lot of garbage trucks, a fleet of garbage trucks.

For, you see, trucks equal contracts and contracts equal money and money equals power.

Are you even listening to me? Hello? Um Yeah.

You're talking about trash.

You know, Lizzie, I know we're best friends but sometimes I feel like you take me for granted.

Like now.


-What?
-How do you think that makes me feel? We've been married for less than a period, and you're already jealous of someone else's husband.

I'm not jealous.

We have to work on this marriage thing together.

I'm not jealous.

She's Mrs.

Doctor Ethan Craft.

I'm married to a trash man.

I'm not jealous.

Honey? Lizzie Do you know where your brother is going? Mom, I'm his sister.

We don't talk.

I'm just worried.

He's been really good lately.

But, like, too good you're sure you haven't noticed anything weird? Hmm Besides his troll
-like appearance and his distaste for hygiene? No.

Anyway, I've got enough to worry about.

Miranda gets to be Mrs.

Doctor Ethan Craft and I get to be married to Gordo, the trash king.

Oh, school project, don't worry.

I don't know what your teacher is telling you but marriage is not about how much you earn or what you have.

It's about love and trust and communication.

Right, honey?
-Huh?
-Just say yes.


-Yes.


-Good boy.

Okay, nice that my parents like each other but gross when they kiss in front of me, ugh! I am so out of here.


-Honey?
-Hmm? I'm worried about Matt.

I think you should go follow him.

I'll get my coat.

Matt? Hey, Matt.

Hi.

What are you doing here? Um, tidying up my cave.


-Is that what this is?
-Uh, yeah.


-I didn't know there was a cave up here.


-There wasn't.


-You mean you made this cave?
-I dug it.

Wow.

Well, how long did it take you?
-I don't know, couple weeks.


-Why? Well, you see, I ran into these rocks, and No, Matt, what I mean is, why did you dig a cave? Dad, haven't you ever wanted a place that is your own? A place you can just hang? Each and every day of my life, son.

Are you going to tell Mom? Well, you have parental supervision so that would make this okay.

Welcome to the Matt Cave.

Kate? Ethan? Probably totally innocent.

Wait, it's Kate.

Definitely not totally innocent.

So, what I was thinking I was thinking that Mrs.

Stebel clearly made a mistake with my marriage so I'm planning to leave Larry at the reunion.

Does that mean I get two wives? No.

But if you leave Miranda then you and I could be Married.

Oh, that's still pretty cool.


-How's that sound, Dr.

Craft?
-You're really smart.


-Excuse me, here's your drink.


-Thanks.

Hi.

I would give a year's allowance to be any place but here right now.

Maybe two years.

Garbage is gold
-
- stinky gold
-
- but gold nonetheless.

Whatever.

Come on, Lizzie.

Give me a hand here.

You want the perfect marriage and you've been making zero effort.

Gordo, quit nagging me.

Nagging you? I wouldn't have to nag you if you paid attention to me.

I'd pay attention to you if you talked about something other than garbage.


-Like what?
-Ethan and Miranda.

Mmm.

There's a bunch of batteries in the garage.

I think there's more beef jerky in the pantry.


-Hey!
-Huh? Sam, can I talk to you for a second?
-Sure.


-Got it.


-What's going on?
-Nothing.

Just a little male bonding time with me and Matt.

You know I'm going to find out.

You know.

Trash may not be glamorous, Lizzie, but it's going to put our kids through school.


-That's not it.


-What is it? I went to the Digital Bean yesterday and I saw Ethan with Kate.

Kate is planning to leave Larry at the reunion and she wants Ethan to do the same to Miranda.

But it's just a school project.

It's not real.

It will be real to Miranda when she gets dumped in front of the entire class.

Okay, you're right.

We have to tell her before the reunion.

And how do we do that? Well, you'll have to talk to her.

Hey, Miranda.

Haven't seen you around.

Yeah, being a doctor's wife can be pretty hectic.

So, how's it working for you? Oh, we've decided that Ethan is a heart surgeon.

We have three kids
-
- Brittany, Gwyneth and Ethan Jr.

I drive the kids to soccer practice in my metallic blue SUV with beige leather interior.

And what about Ethan? Oh, he works a lot.

Heart surgeons do, you know.

He'll meet me here later.

This project is so much fun.

Great.

Miranda, I have to tell you something.

Hey ladies Dr.

E's in the house! I am so erasing his name from my notebook.

Sorry I'm late.

I had some "doctor" stuff to do.

You were saying, Lizzie? Uh I was saying that I'm meeting Gord I'm meeting Gordo here so I have to go.

I'm not a coward, really.

It's it's just not the right time.

I hope you guys are as happy as we are.

She, uh doesn't look too upset.

That's because she doesn't know.

I couldn't tell her.

I mean, she looks so happy.

You know, the longer you wait the more hurt she's going to get.

I am such a wimp.

Dad, does it get much better than this? Nope, it doesn't.

You know, I've been thinking.


-What we really need is some more room.


-Talk to me.

I could blow that wall out another seven feet.

Then we'd have enough room in here for a generator.

We'd have indoor lights.

And TV, okay? Can't forget TV.

Yeah, TV would be cool.

We could probably punch a hole in the roof here
-
- bring in some satellite.


-Cool.


-How big a screen you think we could get in here? Sam! Matt! What are you guys doing in there?
-Get out of this mudhole right now!
-But No.

No "buts.

" This thing could collapse on you any minute.

Come on.


-But it's cool.


-I know it's cool, honey.

but it's dangerous.

Right, Sam? Right, Sam? Son she caught us fair and squae.

At this point resistance is futile.

Women you can't live with them, you can't let them know where your cave is.

I cannot believe you're wearing that.

Well, I'm a trash man.

I'm proud of where I come from.

Don't you care if we win? No, I don't.

Not anymore.

I care that, ever since we got married.

you just seem annoyed by me.

I care that I feel like my best friend is taking me for granted.

Not only am I a wimp, I'm a jerk.

I'm batting two for two.

So, basically, while I was out milking the cow she was in the big city fighting crime.

But I was home on the weekends and we had three kids.

Commuter marriage.

Interesting.

So next up we have Kate Saunders and Larry Tudgeman.

I left Larry the day after our wedding.

Of course there were no children.

I replaced Katie Couric on the Today show, and won several Emmys.

I lived fabulously ever after.

The end.

Do I win? I do not remember agreeing to any of that.

Kate, Larry, I want to see you after the presentations, please.

After a five
-minute break next up will be Miranda Sanchez and Ethan Craft Where where are you going? To tell her.

I can't let her be embarrassed in front of the entire class.

I mean, sure, she's been Dr.

Ethan Craft for a week but Miranda's been my friend for much longer and I can't just let her walk into this.

Hey, Miranda can I talk to you for a sec? Can't this wait? I'm about to give my report.


-No, it can't.


-Give us a sec.

Sure thing, sweetheart.

Okay, Miranda, Ethan is going to leave you, like, now.

Just because you're jealous doesn't give you the right to make stuff up.

Miranda, I'm not making it up.

I'm your friend.

Yeah? Some friend you are.

Some friend I am? One lame school project and you're spending all your time waiting around for some guy who doesn't even care about you? Who's going to leave you and embarrass you in front of the entire class? What are you talking about? Ethan and I spend tons of time together.

No.

Ethan spends a ton of time with Kate.

I saw them at the Digital Bean together.

Kate asked Ethan to leave you at the reunion just like she left Larry.

I I tried to tell you but you seemed so happy.


-What? How?
-I'm really sorry.

Uh yo! Is there a Mrs.

Doctor in the house? Me and Miranda had our issues, you know? Like on Ricki Lake.

Ethan was a heart surgeon.

I was a homemaker.

We had three kids
-
- Brittany, Gwyneth and Ethan Jr.

We had a vacation house a swimming pool.


-I thought we had a pretty good life.


-Yeah, and then also But Ethan was seeing someone else.

Weren't you, Ethan?
-Uh No.


-Ethan was going to leave me for Kate.

But, you see, Doctor, that's not how I operate.

I'm leaving you.

You can take the car you can take everything
-
- but you can't take my dignity.

I can't be married to someone who can't even manage to be my friend.

Uh Kate? I thought I was going to have two wives.

Now I got none.

Kate, we need to go talk to Mrs.

Stebel.

You better keep your mouth shut and agree that all of our decisions were mutual.

I'm not writing a report because you're a lousy husband.

Oh, I'm a lousy husband? Well, maybe if you had just worked with me like I asked, and the rules said we wouldn't be in this problem.

Fine.

I'll work with you.

This marriage is over.

How's that work for you? Now pour me some punch.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'll pour you some punch.

Now, this marriage is over.

I guess that's the risk you take when you marry a postal worker.

I can't believe Ethan was going to leave me.


-It had to happen, right?
-Yeah.

Well, I'm sorry I blew you guys off for Ethan.

Now you know who your real friends are.

That was some speech you gave, Miranda.

Yeah, well, I have my real friends to thank for that.

I can't believe you didn't win.

I know.

I never thought the cop and the farmer would take it.

A commuter marriage.

How difficult was that? I mean, Lizzie, you and I we had some real issues that we worked through.

And we still have 500 words due on Monday.

So what are you guys going to write? I think I might write about not taking people for granted and being really lucky when you can marry your best friend.

Oh, great.

You realize this now? Where was that a couple of hours ago? We could have won with that.

Yeah, well, I'm waiting a really, really long time before I get married.

Yeah.

I think we're even too young to pretend we're married.

I agree.

My trash empire could have been something big.

Hel hello? Hello?
-Guys.


-Chicks.

My trash empire could have been big.

Helhello? Hello? Ew!
-Cowabunga!
-You the worm!
-Whoo
-hoo!
-Now, Jake, don't enjoy this.

I claim this land in the name of England! Whoa whoa whoa! Chicks.