01x30 - Gordo's Video

[bunniefuu]

What is this stuff? Is there some sort of a law against serving anything edible in this cafeteria? Ugh.

Looks like another potato chips and cake day.

I see you guys decided to pass on the daily special.

You mean, the goulash surprise? Oh, I don't like surprises.

Especially not goulash ones.

And now the ritualistic dance known as table selection.

Don't try and sit with the popular kids.

They might rip your head off.

Jocks
-
-sure, if you like broken bones.

Sit at the loser table? You risk rejection from the rest of the herd.

Gordo, lunch is horrifying enough without recording it.

Of course lunch is horrible.

No one ever said that middle school would be easy.

Somebody tell that to Kate.

Look, how many times do I have to tell you that one day Kate's life will be meaningless and miserable? It's just so hard to wait.

How did I not see that coming? If you believe we've got a picture
-perfect plan We've got you fooled 'Cause we only do the best we can And sometimes we make it And sometimes we fake it But we get one step closer each and every day We'll figure it out on the way.

Lizzie McGuire S01E30 Gordo's Video Wait.

Where's my camera? Must have left it in the cafeteria.

Okay, wait here.

I'll go back and see if it's there.

You think he'll find it? If he doesn't, we'll be having it for lunch tomorrow.

Remember the time I lost my bracelet? And I had it in my mac and cheese the next day.

Gross.

It was on the whole time.

You guys will never believe what I got on tape.


-Elvis?
-Bigfoot? Close.

Kate.

Cool.

Okay, promise you won't tell anyone.

Sure.

What is it? I'm a year older than everybody.

You're 14?! But you're in seventh grade.

Remember, you promised not to tell anyone.

You mean, you got held back? It was only in kindergarten.

I've been hiding this ever since elementary school.

If anybody finds out I'm a year older than everybody else my whole image will be totally ruined.

I cannot believe that Kate was held back in kindergarten.

What'd she do, fail nap time? Prepare your speech, Gordo.

This is your Oscar winner.

I can't believe it.

I finally get something good and it's completely by accident.

Wait.

Maybe I can get some more of this.

What do you mean? More of this hidden camera stuff.

This has incredible potential.

Come on.

We're late.

Hey, Dad, would you run me over with the car? Sure.

In a minute, son.

Sam! What? What'd I do? Mom, chill.

It's for school.

Oh, I am so looking forward to hear you explain this.

Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom Mom, Mom, Mom Mom, haven't you ever heard of Career Day? What kind of career is this, insurance fraud? No.

Stuntman.

Cool.

No, not cool.

Very not cool.

Why can't you be a doctor or a lawyer? That would require years of schooling.

This I can do right now.

Matt, we are not running you over with the car.

Fine.

I'll come up with something else.

Who's watching, watching? Tell me who is watching Who's watching me? I always feel like somebody's watching me And I have no privacy, whoa
-oa I always feel like somebody's watching me Who's playing tricks on me? I always feel like somebody's watching me Okay, let's see what we got.

Ooh.

Okay, you really want to know my secret? Yeah.

I'll tell you.

Here, pet it.

Just pet the bunny.

I tell you I do it every time before a game.

It'll bring you luck.

Gordo, that was great.

Do you realize what you have here? I mean
-
-Do you even know what would happen if other people in school saw this stuff? Yeah, they'd know what I've always known: That even the popular kids have stuff to be embarrassed about.

Well, you've got to figure out a way to get everyone to see this.


-Matt?
-Yes? Come down here right now.

As soon as I open up the umbrella, Dad.

No, son, you're going to use the ladder.

Oh, man! Come on.

Give me the umbrella.

I can't believe it.

These things never work.

Trust me, I know.

What about sheets for a parachute? Even worse.

Gets wrapped around your face.

Look, look, this is it.

I know exactly where my film's going to show.

"Unified School District 41 Student Film Competition"? Where did you get this? Off the bulletin board.

You read the bulletin board? We have a bulletin board? I think I have the ultimate real
-life documentary about middle school.

You're a lock, Gordo.

Your film's going to be great.

So, where's this so
-called bulletin board? Move it! Where's your lunch? To have lunch, you need money which I left in my backpack which I left on the bus this morning along with my third
-period book report, my clean gym clothes, someone put gum on my locker and to top it all off I just found out that Larry Tudgeman uses my picture as a screen
-saver on his computer.

Well, want some of my french fries? Why don't they just slap a big sign on the school that says "Loser Farm" and be done with it? You're having a really bad day, but school isn't that bad.

You're right.

It's not that bad.

It's terrible.

I mean
-
-Everyone looks up to the jocks and the cheerleaders who are a bunch of stuck
-up dirks.

We're going to end up working at the drive
-through at Burger Buddy.

Okay, vent.

It's this whole place.

It's the way that people say one thing to your face and another behind your back.

Matt, don't use your mother's pantyhose for bungee jumping.

Hey, Dad, do we have a blowtorch? Son, you're not jumping through a ring of fire.

Son, don't use my leaf blower as a jet pack.

How do you expect me to be a stuntman? You won't let me do anything.

Find something else to be, Matt.

Fine, squash my dreams.

I'll come up with something else.

I'm hoping for another big Kate revelation.

I don't know.

I'm a big fan of the "Pet the bunny" boy.

Today's digital dynamite is Why don't they just slap a sign on the school that says "Loser Farm" and be done with it? That's Miranda, Gordo.

Yeah, it is.

You taped me?! I'd love to stick around but I got to a thing.

Ow! It's terrible.

All I did was tape the quad.

I didn't know you were going to be there.

It's okay.

It's no big deal.

Your hair looks fab.

You're taking his side? I mean
-
-Who d*ed and made you big brother anyway? You were happy to watch it when it was other people.

Well, it's no big deal.

It's not like he's going to use this stuff.

Of course I am.

Why wouldn't I? Because if anyone from school sees me on that tape, I'm toast.

Incoming.

I think you worry a little too much about what other people think.

Not everyone is like you.

Some of us care what other people think.

You ask me she's being a little hypocritical.

Come on, Gordo.

You know if anyone at school sees that tape she can never show her face in school again.

That's ridiculous.

People are going to love this.

You're on my side, aren't you? Why do we have drills for fire and earthquakes but nothing for when your two best friends declare w*r on each other? Oh, good, you're here.

You're always so punctual and your hair looks incredible.

Are those new earrings? No.

You gave them to me last year for my birthday.

What's wrong with you? You better sit down.

Lizzie, look at me.

I am sitting down.

Right.

Um Well, I thought I should be the first one to tell you that Gordo's one of the finalists in the film competition.

Oh, no.

Have you seen the film? How bad was I? Do I need to transfer schools? I haven't seen it yet.

I didn't even mean that stuff.

I was having a bad day.

Now all the school district officials are going to see me ragging on our school.

Actually, the whole school district is going to see you.

They're showing all three final films in the big assembly.

Hmm.

Hmm.

I'm dead.

I'm the late Miranda Sanchez.

What are you doing, sweetheart? Cooking.

See, this is good.

No more of that stuntman stuff.

He's going to be a chef.

Hey, he can have his own restaurant.

He can have his own cooking show.

Bam! Good.

We can go to his house for Thanksgiving.

Our son, the chef.

Don't tell him we like it.

He'll stop doing it.

So, the screening's sixth period but all the finalists have to be there by lunch.

Okay, so you still have some time left.

Is there any way you can cut out Miranda's part? You have so much other great footage.

Yeah, but the stuff with Miranda sort of ties it all together.

Maybe it's tying his film together but it's pulling me apart.

Hey, dude, I heard about your film.

Where's it playing? In the AV room, sixth period.

Oh, so it's not a real movie.

Yeah, Ethan, I just made a $35 million action movie and they're showing it at the assembly.

Hey, way to go, Gordo
-
- I'll be there.

Gordo, I really don't think you should do this.

Hey, Gordo.

Are we going to be in your movie? How could he do a movie about our school without us? You don't know how true that is.

Well, good luck.

I'm sure it's going to be great.

Thanks.

I'll see you guys at the screening.

Gordo.

Look, Lizzie, I got to go but do me a favor.

Watch the movie before you tell me what I should or should not do.

Great.

Everyone in school is talking about this film and how they're going to see it.

Gordo caught me on one bad day, and now the whole school is going to think I'm a total loser.

Maybe not.

Maybe it's not as bad as we think.

Gordo says we should see it before we make up our minds.

I can't believe it.

You're taking Gordo's side? I'm not taking anybody's side.

Well, you should be.

You should be taking my side.

Okay, you can stop now.

I
-I can't stretch this far! Come on, Miranda.

You know that this is a big deal for Gordo.

And it's a big moment for me.

It's the moment where my fate is sealed as a social outcast.

Matt! What are you doing? What's it look like I'm doing? I'm setting up my Mile of Death Ultimate t*rture Track.

Where did you get all the wood? What happened to the cooking? I was cooking the candy to make the fake glass to crash through.

Uh honey, I thought we agreed that you weren't going to be a stuntman.

I'm not going to.

I'm going to be a daredevil.

Ah.

Sam! I'm a bit busy, hon.

I'm ironing my pants.

Oop.

Guess it's time for a test run.

Sam, you get out here and I mean now! Get your motor running Head out on the highway Looking for adventure In whatever comes our way Yeah, I gotta go make it happen Take the world in a love embrace Born to be wild! Wow.

That's got to hurt.

Yeah.

Okay.

Maybe I don't want to be a daredevil.

How about a rock star! Can't believe it.

My debut as a director and here I am not wearing a baseball hat.

Baseball bat, yeah.

Baseball hat.

You okay? Actually, no.

I'll be right back.

You're going to miss my movie.

I won't.

I promise.

Hey.

Hey.

Why aren't you in there with Spielberg? 'Cause I wanted to make sure you're okay.

I'm fine, really.

I mean, that's why I'm hiding from the entire school.

Time to go in, girls.

This is it.

When I come out of there I'll have no friends.

Yes, you will
-
-you'll have me.

Okay, everyone.

I think the moment we've all been waiting for
-
- no disrespect to the other finalists from the other schools.

Now, now, now.

Stop.

Let's be nice to our guests Okay, that's enough.

Now without further ado The Gordo Files.

by David Gordon.

You really want to know my secret? Yeah.

I'll tell you.

Here.

Pet it.

Just pet it.

Go on.

I'll tell you I do it every time before a game.

It'll bring you luck.

Why don't they just slap a big sign on the school that says "Loser Farm" and be done with it? Everyone looks up to the jocks and the cheerleaders who are a bunch of stuck
-up dirks.

We're going to end up working at the drive
-through at Burger Buddy.

It is this whole place.

It's the way that people say one thing to your face and another behind your back.

Hey, look.

He just used your voice.

It's the way the cafeteria serves retired circus animals.

How did Gordo disguise my voice? I mean it doesn't even sound like me.

I just get the feeling that nobody's being honest here that everybody's afraid to let everybody else know the truth about them.

Okay, promise you won't tell anyone.

Sure.

What is it? I'm a year older than everybody.

You're 14? Yeah.

But you're in seventh grade.

Remember, you promised not to tell anyone.

You mean you got held back? It was only in kindergarten.

I guess it's not that bad, right? I've been hiding this ever since elementary school.

If anybody finds out I'm a year older than everybody else my whole image will be totally ruined.

Let's face it it's a school full of fakes but it's not so bad as long as you've got really great friends.

Hey, dude, very cool.

But for $35 million, couldn't you have blown some stuff up? Kate, you can't blame me.

I didn't know we were being taped.

A) you'll never eat lunch and this school again.

B) Whose voice was that? I'm sorry, Kate, I
-I can't reveal that.

It's the director's prerogative to keep his sources and his techniques confidential.

What a dirk.

So, Miranda, you never told me what you thought of it.

Well, I know it was supposed to be a big surprise and all but you could have at least told me so I'd stop stressing and get some sleep.

Miranda, I'm your friend.

You should know that I've always got your back.

Next time, Gordo, remind me.

I will.

So we're cool? Yeah, we're cool.

Told her? Why couldn't someone have told me? And, Gordo, please tell me your days of hidden camera are over.

They are.

It's gotten old school.

I'm looking for the next big thing.

I got it! It's a movie about an animated character.

She's smart, she's funny and Brad Pitt is totally in love with her.

It's a wrap.

Guys! Guys! I'm not done yet.

Guys! Guys? It's the way that people say one thing to your face and another behind your back.

Cut.

Will you stop smiling! Way to go, Gordo.

I'll be there.

Yeah, Ethan, I, uh Wha What the? You're always so punctual.

And that your hair looks incre Ooh.

You're always so punctual.

And that It's a movie about an animated character.

She's smart, she's funny and Brad Pitt is totally in love with her.

That was great.

It really was.