02x27 - Grubby Longjohns

[bunniefuu]

Whoa, dodges! Yip, yip, yip! Ka-pow, ka-pow! Guess where we're going this weekend? Grubby Gulch.

Isn't it great? Great? Grubby Gulch is great the way a rattlesnake is cuddly.

It's the lamest Old West tourist town ever.

I thought we weren't going to Grubby Gulch anymore.

What? -What do you mean? We go every year.

-Yeah.

No, we didn't go last year.

Well, that's only because your dad hurt himself playing chess.

Yeah.

You kids love Grubby Gulch.

Mom, I used to love Grubby Gulch.

I'm too old for sarsaparilla and singing cowboys.

Can't we go someplace more mature? What'd you have in mind? I don't know, like, water skiing or France.

France?! They don't have Grubby Long John burgers in France.

Did you say Grubby Long John burgers? Are we going to Grubby Gulch? You're darn tootin', little partner.

A weekend at Grubby Gulch.

I'll stay in here, thanks just the same.

Yee-haw, Grubby Gulch! Grubby Gulch! If you believe We've got a picture-perfect plan We've got you fooled 'Cause we only do the best we can And sometimes we make it And sometimes we fake it But we get one step closer each and every day We'll figure it out on the way Lizzie McGuire S02E27 Grubby Longjohn's Olde Tyme Revue Okay, kids.

let's head out for Grubby Gulch! Lizzie, are my eyes open? -No.

-Good.

Come on, Gordo, it's 5:30.

Rise and shine.

His parents told me he's really cranky in the mornings.

I love the mornings.

This is the middle of the night.

Dad, go get Matt up and get him dressed and then come and get us later, so we can sleep longer.

Matt's already up and dressed.

And waiting in the car.

Kids, get up, get dressed.

-I'm up.

-I'm dressed.

You get up.

You get dressed.

Gordo's cranky in the morning.

I'm not cranky.

What is going on in here? Tick-tock, people! Honey, I still have to make snacks before we go.

What do you guys feel like? Snacks.

Chop-chop, andele! Okay, I'm chopping.

I'm andeleing.

Listen, I'm not going to let us sit in a car for six hours with nothing to eat.

Six hours? Six hours? Did I forget to mention that? Mom, I'm saving room.

When we get to Grubby Gulch I'm going to get Grubby griddlecakes and Cactus Cupcakes and Licorice Lassoes and a boot-shaped cup of sagebrush sarsaparilla and a chocolate sheriff's badge and I'm going to get General Custer Custard and buffalo jerky, and a Haystack Sundae.

That's 20 scoops of ice cream in a 10-gallon hat and if you eat it all, you get to keep the hat.

And I'm going to get to ride Grubby's famous horse, Mighty Thunder! Are we there yet? Uh, did I mention how much I owe you guys for coming to keep me company on this annual dork trek to Lameland? Mention it again.

I have no idea how I'm going to repay these guys.

I guess I can let Miranda borrow my clothes any time she wants, and I don't know.

I'll probably have to marry Gordo.

My parents just don't understand that I'm too old for this cheesy stuff.

I find it interesting that you didn't describe it that way when you asked us along.

I promise that when we check into the motel we can ditch my parents, get over to the mall I'll buy you guys smoothies and we'll play as many video games as you want.

And I'll give you guys a thousand dollars in cash.

Come on, sing, you guys.

You know this, right? Susanna, don't you cry This`s it.

Oh, Susanna, now don't you cry for me I come from Alabama with my banjo on my knee Are we there yet? Okay, road games.

I spy with my little eye something that starts with S.

-Sky.

-I meant R.

Road.

Hit me with a rock, Gordo.

Just put me out of my misery.

Oh, Susanna, oh, don't you cry for me I come from Alabama with my banjo on my Banjo on my Banjo on my knee Wow, it's even dopier than I remember.

I think it's great! It's not just great.

It's rootin'-tootin', fancy sh**t', mule kick-kick-kickin' great with gravy on it.

How y'all doing y'all? Welcome to Grubby Gulch.

I'm Grubby Longjohn.

Oh, good heavens.

Is this when you're going to hurt us? How you doin', young fella? You're my new deputy.

Fine and dandy, Grubby.

I won't let you down.

How'd you like to be a deputy, little filly.

Mom we're going to go to the mall.

I'll take that as a no.

Hey, how y'all doing, y'all! Why would you go to the mall? Well, because this is dorkful.

It's massively lame.

It's the definition of cheese master.

And every minute I spend here makes me more lame, cheesy, and dorkful.

Well, because there's stuff to do at the mall, Mom.

Honey, we came to see Grubby Gulch.

We're going to see Grubby Gulch.

Mom, I've seen Grubby Gulch and it hasn't changed since I was, like, four.

Quit yacking.

I want to go find Mighty Thunder! He's, uh a little less "mighty" than I remember.

Yeah, if you ride Mighty Thunder you'll break him.

How y'all doing, y'all? Get set to witness the most exciting event ever in these here parts-- the sh**t-out at Lazy Eye stable.

Oh, wow, the Lazy Eye show is going to start in a second.

Let's go get a good seat.

Come on, let's go catch it.

Come on, you guys we're going to miss it.

We've got to get a good seat.

The Lazy Eye was the scene of a showdown between the notorious Dopple g*ng and Sheriff Parker and his faithful buddy Doc Johnson.

I hope my parents don't hear about this.

They've got problems with realistic depictions of v*olence.

Look out! The sh**t-out's just startin'.

Afternoon, Doc.

Headed over to the blacksmith's shop as you usually do this time of day? Why, it's the Dopple g*ng! -This is a peaceful town, Dan Dopple.

-Ain't no more.

Let 'em have it, boys.

You no-good varmint! Look out he's running over there.

You plugged me.

I'm a goner for sure.

The show will repeat in 90 seconds.

-Well, I don't think my parents will care about this.

-No.

Um, we're going to go get popcorn.

Okay, hurry back.

It's only 90 seconds.

How y'all doing, y'all? You know what's sad? That was probably the most exciting event will ever see around "these here parts".

Yeah, just wait till you see the magic water pump.

It's not really magic.

Every day, I pump the handle on that thing and wish I worked somewhere else.

But Welcome to Grubby's Grubbery.

Can I help ya? Uh three popcorns, please.

Heze Hezekiah.

That's just my work character name.

My real name's Cory.

Um what what do I owe you, Cory? Uh it's on the house.

If you tell me your name.

Oh.

Um I'm Lizzie.

You know, I can see how Grubby Gulch could actually be a pretty cool place.

Lizzie.

Slammin'.

So, Cory, why why would anyone work here? There's got to be a better job.

Like scraping gum off a movie theater floor.

Well, I'm on the waiting list for one of those jobs.

But, for now, I'm just "Clementine, the Lemonade Maid.

" Who's your friend, Cory? Uh Gordo.

The name's Gordo.

Wow Clementine.

It's even worse than "Hezekiah".

Uh, Clementine is my real name.

Oh, well uh, it's very pretty.

Umpoetic, even.

And, uh who's your other friend? She's Miranda.

But, remember, you're talking to me.

Let's keep our focus where it belongs, Popcorn Boy.

Um, this is my best friend, Miranda.

How y'all doing, y'all? So, how long have you been at Grubby Gulch? About an hour.

Oh, yeah, but it feels like four days.

Four long days.

Four really long days where someone keeps poking you with a stick.

Well, if you're not busy tonight maybe we could cruise on over to the mall maybe see a movie? Oh, yeah, Gordo.

You and I could go with them.

Yes, good, thank you.

Great, and I'll be stuck here all by myself at Grubby Gulch.

Staring at the dirt.

Well, that's too bad.

'Cause then my brother Heath won't have anyone to hang out with.

and he's the good-looking one in our family.

The good-looking one? Yeah! I mean, yeah, I guess I could hang out tonight.

Cool, so, um we'll meet back here at 7:30? Yeah, sounds cool.

How you doin', y'all? Grab some grub Gordo, you're taking a muffin? This is Grubby Longjohn's Chuck Wagon buffet.

It's all you can eat.

Oh, and here's a tip- you can, uh, use the breadsticks as a fence to keep the rest of the food on the plate.

So, are you sure your parents will just let us go at 7:30? What if there's another sh**t-out at the Lazy Eye stable? I cannot watch another sh**t-out at the lazy Eye stable.

Do you hear me, Lizzie? I cannot take it.

Okay, we only have to spend one day at Grubby Gulch.

There's nothing to do here when it's dark outside.

So, it shouldn't be a problem.

Lizzie, come here, come here.

Do you remember when you were, like, three or four you used to demand to hear the "Mayor Miano" and you would sing along with "Old Susanna"? I didn't do it, Your Honor.

You can never prove it was me.

Uh, no, Mom, I don't remember.

No, you have to.

You would tie a napkin around your head like a little bonnet and you would get up on the table and you would kick your legs like you were a little showgirl.

Come on, Lizzie, show us.

Hey, everybody, guess what I did.

Did you knock over all the milk bottles with the softball? No, that game's a rip-off- I spent like, ten bucks in quarters- I didn't even come close.

Nobody can b*at that game.

I did.

I won a Grubby doll.

There's something wrong with the chili.

No, I did something much better than that.

I got us tickets to Grubby Longjohn's Old Tyme Western Revue.

You got tickets?! But those are impossible to get! I know, darling, but I just spread around a few Grubby Bucks and I got us the best seat in the house.

It's a show in the saloon.

They twirl lassos and tell jokes, and sing songs and stuff.

You don't want to hear about it.

Oh, they don't have to hear about it, honey.

They're going to get to see it, tonight.

Tonight? You betcha'.

7:30 -7:30? -Sharp.

I'm ready for dessert.

And that's the technique for pounding a work horse horseshoe.

and the technique for pounding a riding horse horseshoe is like this.

Developmentally speaking a night at the mall with Clementine would have been good for me.

Yeah, and now I'll never meet Heath- the good-looking one in the family.

There's got to be some way out of this.

Give me sec.

Take the coefficient, subtract that, carry the five Mmm yes.

Yes! We have to enjoy ourselves.

Why? But, more importantly, how? We have to pretend to enjoy ourselves, okay? We have to make my parents believe that we're enjoying every single minute of this.

And that we can't wait to see Grubby Longjohn's show tonight.

I'm still not hearing why.

Because then my parents will believe us when we get stomachaches from a bad batch of prospector's stew.

Oh, so so even though we'd love to see the show -we're just too sick.

-Right And then we can sneak off and meet Heath.

-Good plan, McG.

I'm in.

-Okay.

Okay, kids, who wants to go see the womenfolk make quilts? -Oh, I do! I do! -No, me first! We're going to rock this country We're going to rock this country And the brown-eyed boy and the blue-eyed girl Got to really go psycho Give it a whirl We're going to rock this country Let's go! Get ready, we're coming.

Great, I think we're next.

Let's just get this over with.

Hang on a second, let me fix my tie.

At least it's better than then when we dressed like pioneers.

My coonskin cap gave me fleas.

Oh, sure, blame the hat.

You already had fleas.

Hey, is this us? Oh, my gosh, it is.

Oh, look at it you kids.

Oh, that was when Lizzie was seven, Matt was four.

Remember, Lizzie was convinced she had a big blue monster living under her bed in the motel and then she convinced us to let her sleep in our room? Yeah.

Then Matt woke up alone in their room and he thought we'd gone home without him.

Was that the year Lizzie lost her two front teeth and she was all worried that the Tooth Fairy wasn't going to find her here? Hey, those teeth were worth a buck a piece and I didn't want to get gypped.

No, that was the next year, because that was the year Matt didn't want to start school and he asked if he could just live here.

That's right! Lizzie was going to watch Matt and move into the general store.

I did something nice for Matt? That doesn't sound like me.

Then he popped her balloon and she pushed him into the watering trough.

That sounds like me.

That's got "me" written all over it.

Wow I guess I really had fun here when I was little.

And you're not little anymore, are you? Pretty soon, you're starting high school and then you're going to be going to college and then the next thing you know you'll be getting married.

But as soon as her husband finds out what a load she is she'll be right back home with you guys.

Hey, cut that out.

You know, the kids never seem to outgrow bickering.

No, they just outgrow going to Grubby Gulch.

And family picnics and watching videos together on Friday nights.

-Our kids are growing up.

Things change.

-Guess they do.

I'm ruining mom and dad's weekend and running off to the mall.

Way to go, me.

Hey you know we haven't seen the Little Bighorn puppet show yet.

That's right, the puppet show.

We can go the puppet show and then straight to Grubby Longjohn's Revue.

The Revue Oh, boy, boy.

Oh, man.

What's wrong? Are you guys okay? Stomach Must have eaten something.

Oh, bad prospector's stew.

We all had it for lunch.

Oh, that's right, we did.

As a matter of fact, I'm feeling a little Amateurs.

Can't even handle a stew.

Oh, you poor kids.

Why don't I take you back to the hotel right now? -And miss the Revue? You can't.

-No Yeah, mom, dad, we'll be fine.

Well, at least go lie down and I'll come check on you later.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

We'll be fine.

Yeah.

If we feel better, we'll come find you.

Yeah.

they really do kind of look a little off.

All right, now time to take the picture Smile.

Hey, you made it I wasn't sure you were going to show.

Not show? Ha.

I always show.

I'm Mr.

Show Up.

Good old reliable Gordo that's, that's what they call me.

But not too reliable.

Not so reliable that I'm boring or anything.

You know, just the right amount of reliability.

Would you take over the conversation? I'm drowning.

How y'all doing, y'all? Welcome to Grubby Longjohn's Old Tyme Western Revue.

Where's Heath? I don't see Heath.

You made him up, didn't you? I'm getting the shaft here, ain't I? He's meeting us at the mall.

He has to finish working out.

Oh, okay.

Mine has to finish working out.

Well, no use in hanging around here, Lizzie.

You want to get going? Um, yeah, let's get out of here.

That's what I should be saying.

Why am I not saying that? Say it! Say it! Well, no use in hanging around here, Lizzie.

You want to get going? Last call for Grubby Longjohn's Oh, oh Lizzie Western Revue.

We`re starting right now.

Them there was the Majestic Prairie Jug Band! And now, Sing-along Stumpy and the Sassafras Sisters.

Hey, Matt, it's Sing-a-Long Stumpy.

You're going to want to drink plenty of this Grubby Grape-Fizz so your singing voice doesn't wear out.

Matt? I think he may have overdone it on the junk food.

In fact I'm not even sure he's conscious.

Well, you know, this Sing-a-Long is not going to be any fun without the kids.

I think this trip to Grubby Gulch has been kind of a dud.

Well, if you have that attitude you're not going to have any fun.

-Hi.

-How y'all doing, y'all? -How are you feeling? -A lot better.

What about Gordo and Miranda? Actually, they're a lot better, too.

Better than this one, anyway.

Besides, I was thinking this might be the last chance I ever get to see Grubby Longjohn's Old Tyme Western Revue.

I know, this is probably the last time we're going to do this all together.

But there's lots of first things coming up, too.

Like the time we go shopping for my first prom dress.

And the first time Dad tries to teach me how to drive.

And the first time you guys write a big fat tuition check for my college.

I can't wait.

How you folks doing tonight? So, in the meantime the McGuire folk got themselves some singing to do.

I come from Alabama with my banjo on my knee And I'm goin' to Louisiana, my true love for to see It rained all night the day I left The weather, it was dry My brother's in a food coma my parents are wearing stupid hats and I'm acting like a goon.

Oh, don't you cry for me I come from Alabama with my banjo on my knee You know what? I'm having a blast.

Oh, there are limits.

Oh, Susanna Oh, don't you cry for me I come from Alabama with my banjo on my banjo on my banjo on my knee.

Matt, the mashed potatoes are smoking! The mashed potatoes are on fire.

I think there is a splinter in my butt.

Use it, Jake, use it.

You're going to want to drink plenty of this Grubby Gru Grubby Grape-Fizz You're Yeah.

Where's what's the name? Hey, Matt Oh, "Heath" I knew that.

Okay, Steve, this is us, this is life.

Hey, Matt, it's Sing-a-Long Stumpy.

Come on, you'd better be Okeydokey.

It's good, it's good.

It's all good.

Okay.

Well it's not going to be much of a You know, I can whoa! This Sing-a-Long is not going to be any good if the kids aren't singing with us.

It's the hat, right?