01x04 - Hotdog Day Afternoon/School of Rock

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Three! ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Three! ♪

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♪ Three! ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Three! ♪

[heavy breathing]

I'm just not

feeling the speed.

I know!

Racing stripes!

A-ha!

There's the speed!

I think that was

one too many stripes.

[Kirbie]

Stop everything!

Tonight's dinner

at the cafeteria

is going to be the

event of the year.

It's hotdog day!

[both cheer]

Wait.

What's a hotdog?

You don't know

what a hotdog is?

Kirbie, enlighten

our friend here.

All the animal parts

they aren't legally allowed

to use in pet food,

are ground up and stuffed

into digestible

food-shaped casings.

Colonel Cork is looking

for a replacement

Condiment Commander.

Someone responsible

for garnishing the ketchup,

mustard and relish

on every hotdog that goes out.

Well, that sounds awesome!

Three condiments,

three of us.

We could totally

be the spreaders

of ketchup, mustard, relish--

And joy.

I started this prestigious

event five years ago

to honor Dumples'

favourite food-

[giggles]

Nummies!

And you're telling me

no one has ever volunteered

for the job

of Condiment Commander?

Sadly, sir, yes.

Which is why I end up

doing it every year.

Oh, don't be like that.

It means you get to shine

like a star for the day.

Right Dumples?

[gurgles]

[farts]

[chuckles]

She agrees.

Ketchup:

Reporting for duty, sir!

I'll take mustard!

-I'm jealous!

-You mean relish.

I'm relish!

Oh no.

There is no way these three--

You have volunteers!

But- but- there's

only one costume!

With only one suit,

there's only one job.

You three will

have to figure out

who gets that suit

before the big event.

Oh, no problem, sir!

Yep, we'll go

figure it out right now.

Woohoo!

[all grunting]

Stop pushing.

Forty-eight, forty-nine...

[gulps]

Whoa!

I think that was a shoe.

I didn't say stop.

Guess who just locked down

a Condiment Commander job?

[computerized beeps]

[whistling]

For you, Sir!

A token of my appreciation

for being made

Condiment Commander...

should you choose

to do so of course.

Whatever it is,

I don't want it.

It's a plate

of sugar cookies!

I read your diary and, uh--

You did what?

I wanted to find out

your favourite things.

Like, freshly baked

sugar cookies,

summer rain,

the sounds of a raging tiger...

[screams]

[roars]

[pained screams]

You're welcome.

Peace.

And don't worry.

I won't tell the Cafeteria Lady

about your crush.

Uh huh, presents are nice,

but the greatest

gift of all is rest

and relaxation,

which is what

I gave the Colonel.

[deep exhaling]

What are you doing?

The sound of wind

helps everyone sleep.

Not me.

Now would you please just-

Ohh, you prefer

the soothing sounds

of waves crashing

onto a beach.

I can do that.

[crashing wave sounds]

[bird calls]

Honey would ya put

some lotion on my back?

Daddy! Daddy!

Look at my sand castle!

Dude let's play volleyball!

[angry groans]

I fixed his bike.

So, kids, have you decided

which one of you

is going to be

the Condiment Commander?

[all]

You mean Cork didn't choose me?

Time is running out.

I guess there's only

one way to decide

who deserves it the most!

We need someone

who can ride a hotdog,

throw a hotdog,

be a hotdog!

A true

Condiment Commander.

I challenge you to...

Feats of Meat!

[all]

Feats of meat!

[screams]

[screams]

[screams]

[laughs]

Well, that decided nothing.

But, I know something

that will!

[grunts]

[Cork]

An election?

You wanna turn this into

a popularity contest?

Popularity contest?

What popularity contest?

Did I win?

It seems there's going

to be an election to decide

who will be this year's

Condiment Commander!

I don't want that job,

but I can't pass up a chance

to show the Amigo-snots

that I am the most adored

person on campus...

what...

to... do?

You know we can

all hear you, right?

I'm in!

And we come together

with ketchup,

mustard and love!

[applause]

It's not what

the dog can do for hot,

it's what hot

can do for the dog!

[applause]

So if you care

about your eyes,

you'd better be

wearing goggles!

[applause]

'Cause I am

the king of hotdogs

and you will dance

to entertain me!

[one person clapping]

Voting takes place tomorrow.

Thank you all for caring about

something so meaningless.

Dismissed!

[clapping]

No praise!

I got eaten alive.

I need a plan to b*at them

that is so genius,

so sinister,

so handsome-like-myself,

so-got it!

Resume praise.

He's so good at scheming.

Yeah out loud too.

Like a boss.

Leonard,

love the new look.

Hey, hey, Carl and Bonnie,

vote from the heart!

Huh?

[gasp]

My posters!

Who would've done this?

This is a friendly

competition!

Oh, I don't usually

show and tell, but...

Duh, my name is Burt

and I approve this video.

Burt?

Time to go mess

with someone's karma.

[chuckles]

Don't forget, a vote for Burt

is a vote for me.

'Cause I'm Burt!

Hey, Kirbie!

How are you doing?

How do you like that?

Um, well, the skull is cool,

but other than that,

not very much.

Well, too bad!

Uh, that one was Herby's.

-Wait, what?

-What are you doing?

Yeah, she's cutting up

our posters

and wants to know

how we like it.

[whistles]

Well, I don't.

[munching sounds]

[gasps]

[munching sounds]

[gulps]

[screeches]

[aggressive music]

[aggressive music]

Kneel peasant.

Bow to your ruler.

-Bow fools.

-Bow to the king.

Bow to your new

king of condiments!

He said bow!

The vote hasn't

even happened yet.

Oh, I'll be the winner.

Trust me!

Once Colonel Cork

sees the mess

Herby, Kirbie and Burt

have made

they'll be eliminated.

Ha!

Because of me!

My plan worked!

I turned them

against each other!

[laughs]

I am brilliant!

[maniacal laugh]

Hello, Colonel, hey!

Look at you

so broad in the shoulders.

How long have you

been standing the-

Donnie!

I heard everything!

Eliminated!

[battle cry]

Get your hands

off my stuff!

Burt, get your hands

off that poster!

[battle cries]

[all struggle]

[Cork]

Herby. Kirbie. Burt.

My office, now.

So it was Donnie who tore

up my poster last night?

Affirmative.

I guess the pressure

of an election

can get to the best of us.

I could've told you

I didn't do it.

I spent all last night

counting the seconds passing.

Ten forty-three fifty-one,

ten forty-three fifty-two,

ten forty-three fifty-four,

ten forty-three point,

no I mean fii-agh!

Now I have to start over!

With Donnie eliminated,

which one of you cadets

will serve

as Condiment Commander?

[all]

Ya... I quit.

Pardon me?

All that competition

tore our friendship apart.

And these two boogers

are more important to me

than dressing up

in some stupid costume.

Yeah and it also

seems like a lot

of work now

that I think about it.

So with Donnie eliminated

and us dropping out of the race,

who will be

the Condiment Commander?

[low rising growl]

Little more...

little more...

Oh, less mustard.

[growls]

[laughs]

[low rising growl]

Okay, class, okay.

Grab a seat.

Burt, I don't want to see you

drinking in this classroom.

Oh, you won't.

[sighs]

Today, we will be studying

foreign rock formations.

And to start, well,

we have a real thriller, yes.

Behold!

The Tierarian Worm Rock

from the Santuroid System.

[gasps]

It's the most majestic

and beautiful

of all galactic rockery.

[slurps]

Cut it out,

Slurper-Burper!

In groups of four,

your assignment

is to make your own

model of the rock

for me to enjoy

and judge,

using the supplies

provided.

Kirbie, Burt and I

will be a group!

[chuckles]

Yes, yes,

there's a shocker,

but you will

need a fourth.

[slurps]

That's it!

Nice enthusiasm, Donnie!

You, Herby, Kirbie

and Burt are team one!

Super team of

awesome friendship!

What? No!

As captain of--

Super team of

awesome friendship!

That is not our name

so please stop saying it.

Now, as team captain

my first order

is for you three

to make the silly rock.

Yes. Yes.

Excellent.

As assistant

captain,

I approve

those orders.

Ooh, can I be the team's

spiritual advisor?

Yes.

Because I don't care.

[Burt] I'll be in charge

of expl*sives!

Just make the rock!

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[giggles]

[calm music]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Done!

[gasps]

That rock had better be-

[gasp]

[beeps]

[Kirbie]

He's speechless with joy.

That looks nothing like

a Tierarian Worm Rock.

Of course not.

It's a Go-Kart!

As assistant captain

I decided this was way radder.

I have an A plus average

and it's not going to be ruined

by a bunch of melon heads!

Now, make this a rock!

Gah!

Are you thinking

what I'm thinking?

We should take it

for a spin first!

We should

take it for a spin first!

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

That was awesome!

Dude.

Why would you add a button

that makes it explode?

Well, Donnie put me

in charge of expl*sives,

and I take that seriously.

But, now we don't

have any supplies

and the worm rock

is due tomorrow.

If we get an F,

Donnie's gonna

poop his suit

and this here

assistant captain

will not let that happen!

Okay, but what

can we do?

Yeah?

Like, Fly to Tierarian

and get an actual worm rock?

[chuckles]

Pfft. Right.

Burt, you're a genius!

Yeah I know,

but what are we gonna do?

Woody, come pick us up!

Next stop: Planet Tierarian.

[slurps]

Hmm, nice contouring.

B plus.

Oh, it's a bit

too rocky, yes.

B minus.

Donnie,

where are your partners?

Hopefully trapped in

the lower intestines of a-ahh!

Oh, here they are now.

We were putting the finishing

touches on our project!

As per

Captain Donnie's orders.

Before you see this,

I would like to say

that I had nothing to-

I mean everything

to do with this!

After all,

I did most of the work.

It's... perfect!

A plus to infinity!

Bow down to your

intellectual superior!

I said bow!

[gibberish shouting]

[painted grunting]

[pirate voice] Or I'll make yer

barnacled butts walk the plank.

Every one of ya!

[painted grunting]

[feminine voice]

Oh gracious me,

whatever am I

doing up so high.

Forgive me.

Now, uh, pardon me,

but I need the powder room!

[giggles]

Super team

of awesome friendship!

A plus!

Can you believe it?

Great idea to go

to Tierarian, Herby.

It was a great idea,

wasn't it?

My, my, whoever did

let these vagabonds

into such

a respectable eatery?

Did you join

the drama club or something?

Excellent character work!

[painted grunts]

[growls]

[sniffs]

[munching sounds]

[screams like a chimp]

[screams like a chimp]

Hmm... did you guys

notice anything

strange about Donnie?

[slurps]

Herby, Kirbie,

Burt and Donnie

report to my office.

Double-time!

And where is Donnie?

Maybe at rehearsals?

Can someone tell me

how you built

an actual worm rock from glue,

Styrofoam and markers?

Hmm? Anyone?

We didn't!

We went to Tierarian

and got one.

You... cheated?

We did?

Professor Mybad never said

we couldn't do that.

Just please -

please tell me you checked it

for Tierarian worms before

bringing it onto my campus!

Ick!

Those rocks have worms?

They're called worm rocks!

[sighs]

Um, yes, heh,

what Kirbie is trying to say

is of course we checked.

Good, because those worms

are extremely dangerous.

Say we forgot...

How are they dangerous again?

They crawl into your brain

and change your personality

until they finally

grow big enough

and then hoo-hah-bam!

You become...

a butterfly.

Aww!

A people-eating,

k*ller butterfly!

[all scream]

So how long does this really

frightening transformation take?

Not that we care because

we checked the rock for worms.

It can be as quick

as four hours.

[all scream]

We're screaming because we just

remembered we have to go...

-To class!

-Pee!

Okay, it says here

the transformation happens,

and I'm quoting,

"in the darkest,

most scary place around".

I hope it hasn't happened yet.

I mean, it would be

cool to see, right?

Well, if it already has,

I'm ready for action!

[gasp]

He's beautiful!

[all scream]

[all scream]

[all scream]

[all scream]

[all scream]

[knocks]

[screams]

You said there was

no worm in that rock.

Well, I think it's safe

to say there isn't.

The worm is now

in Donnie's head.

[sobbing]

Professor Mybad,

how do we stop it?

You can't!

We're all snacks.

We're doomed I tell you,

doomed!

[whimpers]

It says here the Tierarian

Butterfly's natural enemy

is the Tierarian Spider.

[gasp]

They will stop at nothing

to destroy each other.

I am not bringing

a deadly spider

onto what's left

of my campus!

[gasp]

Maybe we can fool Donnie

into thinking you did!

How?

By making a spider costume

using Styrofoam and glue

then using one of us

as butterfly bait?

[laughs]

Pfft. Yeah.

What?

What are you looking at?

[screams]

[screaming]

[yelping]

[screaming]

[screams]

Now!

[groans]

Let's get this worm

outta here!

[grunting]

[groans]

[slurps]

Burt, that's it!

[slurps]

Wait,

that's going to get-

[gulps]

[screams]

[pirate voice]

Argh!

State yer business

you yellow livered scallywag!

[grunts]

[pirate voice] Who'dya think

yer talkin' to deck pooper!

[♪♪♪]

[feminine voice]

My, my.

This worm sure gets around.

[grunting]

Gotcha!

Super team

of awesome friendship!

Today's assignment is to

write down what you learned

from almost being eaten

by a butterfly.

[chuckles]

Okay.

Now, where is my, um, oh!

There you are.

[pirate voice]

And don'tcha be stealing

from each other's treasure,

ya hear!

[laughs]

Three.

[♪♪♪]

Three.

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Three.

[♪♪♪]

Three.

[♪♪♪]

Three.

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Three.

[♪♪♪]

Three.