01x05 - CH₃COOH

[bunniefuu]

- [WATER LAPPING]
- [WOOD CREAKING]

[DR. MASON] Three-quarter
power building to full in two.

Full power.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

[ELIZABETH] Unlike other Tupperware
parties you may have attended,

I give thorough product descriptions
and I also make my own snacks.

This Tuesday's menu will be
freshly squeezed nectarine juice

along with lemon-lime bars
on a graham-cr*cker crust.

Excellent. See you then.

[SIGHS]

["WHAM (RE BOP BOOM BAM)" PLAYING]

- What about this one?
- Mmm. [SIGHS]

"Butylated hydroxytoluene."

A good rule of thumb is not to eat foods

that share ingredients with jet fuel.

I'll add it to my vocab list.

What color were Dad's eyes?

Blue, like yours. You know
how recessive genes work.

What color was his hair?

Brown. Where are these
questions coming from?

Mrs. Mudford is making
us fill out a family tree,

and I know nothing about Dad.

- You know about your dad.
- No, I don't.

Yes, you do. You know that
he was a brilliant scientist,

that he was kind,

a very funny dancer

and my favorite person in
the world until I met you.

Well, what about his parents? I
need to put them on the tree too.

Your grandparents d*ed in a
car accident when he was young,

then he went to live in a boys' home.

What about your parents?

Ezra and Iris. We moved around
a bit. Not that exciting.

So are we all alone?

We are the opposite of alone.

We have each other, we have Six Thirty,

and we have a huge family
waiting at home for us for dinner.

But you are the chef, so you
tell me. What do you need?

I'll get the flour. You
go to the butcher counter.

Mm-hmm. Copy.

But nothing too lean.

[SCOFFS] Of course.

[CHILDREN SCREAMING, LAUGHING]

- [CHILD ] I want a gumball!
- [PARENT] Stop it!

- Get back here!
- [CHILD ] I wanna go on the horsey!

- Off of the horse!
- [ELIZABETH] Is everything okay?

[PARENT] Yes, yes. I am so
sorry for my little terrors.

- Oh, it is quite all right. I understand.
- You know, five minutes.

All I want is five minutes of quiet.

Well, if I'm being greedy,

I'd like them to set the table
and occasionally say thank you.

But five minutes, I'd settle for that.

[CHILDREN EXCLAIMING]

[SIGHS] Those boys were
being so rowdy. Geez.

- Butylated hydroxytoluene.
- [CHUCKLES]

- [GUESTS LAUGHING]
- [JAZZ PLAYING]

[ELIZABETH] That man
was out of his mind.

Can you imagine me hosting a TV show?

[JUNIOR CHUCKLES]

Seriously? Hear, uh, TV pays well.

Mmm. What's the cost
of selling your soul?

Depends. How much
they paying? [CHUCKLES]

I thought you sold Tupperware.

I sell Tupperware so I
have time for my research.

- Mmm.
- [JUNIOR] I wanna be an actor.

- Like on Gunsmoke.
- [HARRIET] Mm-mmm.

You wanna be a lawyer like your mother.

Or, if things don't work out,
a doctor like your father.

[CHUCKLING]

You need more milk.

You're lucky you have a father.

You have a father too, bunny.

He's looking down on you right now.

I know. I was just being provocative.

Uh, excuse me, Miss Zott,

but what is this unopened letter from

Phillips Laboratory
doing on your counter?

The same Phillips that
has called you back

for not one, but two
follow-up interviews?

I prefer rejection after my meal.

Would you like me to preview it for you?

I have an excellent poker face.

- Open it!
- [GASPS]

- Open it!
- Open it!

- Open it! Open it!
- Okay, okay, fine.

Read away.

[CLEARS THROAT] "Dear Miss Zott,
thank you for your continued patience

as we narrow our list of candidates.

We are thrilled...

We are thrilled to tell you that
you have reached our final round

and we intend to make
a decision shortly.

Please provide us with references
at your earliest convenience

so that we may... " Blah-blah-blah-blah.

Congratulations, Elizabeth! [CHUCKLES]

- References.
- Oh, this is great.

What's a reference?

A reference is when someone
you no longer wish to work with

holds the fate of your next job.

Anyway... [SMACKS LIPS] ...
I am not getting my hopes up.

[TYPEWRITER CLACKING]

I'm here to see Dr. Donatti.

I don't have an appointment, but I was

hoping for the element of surprise.

[STAMMERS] Dr. Donatti
no longer works here.

Oh. I didn't realize.

Who might I speak with about possibly...

Ah, thank you. [INHALES SHARPLY]

Elizabeth?

[SIGHS] Boryweitz.

So what happened to Donatti?

Well, you know how it goes.

The board was ready for some new blood.

New blood is just old
blood recirculated.

Fair point.

[SIGHS]

I can't tell you how many times I've

wanted to reach out
these past few years.

Hmm. You were just pacing yourself?

I'm sorry, Elizabeth.

Yes, well, I am up for a
chemistry position at Phillips.

Coming here and asking for a
recommendation is extremely unpleasant.

So please be truthful and write
something befitting of my value

or, alternatively, say to my face you

will be blocking my career advancements

as Donatti did.

I mean, I'm sure you've
received a glowing review

from your current lab already.

I currently sell Tupperware.

[SIGHS] I'm not going to write
you a good recommendation.

I knew this was a mistake.

I'm not going to do it 'cause
I'd like you to come back here.

Here? Are you kidding?

You're an excellent chemist.

And whatever you may think of Hastings,

it's still the best facility
in Southern California.

Far better than Phillips. You'd
be foolish not to consider it.

- Chemist?
- Well, junior chemist.

Which department?

DNA.

Between the Remsen and
my esteemed reputation,

our DNA lab has become the
authority on abiogenesis research.

Just dedicated men doing important work.

And we'd publish together. I'll
even give you second author.

Who would be first author?

Well, it would be me.

You?

The man who stole my work
and then lied about it?

I don... I can't just put you in charge.

Second author, it... that's not nothing.

Second author is... is quite meaningful.

Hmm.

So you'll consider the offer?

I already have.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

And who do you think
this is in my family tree?

Lena?

The president?

"Could it be the president?" And no.

Amanda.

Could it be Lassie?

This is a family tree, not a
doghouse. We're talking about people.

People are animals.

No, they aren't, Madeline.
People are humans.

But people are mammals,
and mammals are animals.

Madeline, that's enough.

Tommy?

Could I be an animal? [IMITATING MONKEY]

Oh. Now, stop it, Tommy. Stop it. Now...

- [STUDENTS IMITATING ANIMAL NOISES]
- Oh, no. No, all of you, stop it!

- Sit down! Now!
- [IMITATING MONKEY]

Tommy.

Madeline, see me after class.

["I DO WHATTA DO" PLAYING]

- [ELIZABETH] Champagne?
- Yes. Thank you.

Are you joining us?

- Oh, no. I don't drink before lunch.
- [CHUCKLES]

- [PHONE RINGING]
- Excuse me.

Zott residence.

Oh, for Christ's sake.

She completely undermined the
assignment and said people are animals.

But people are animals.

Well, that's not the point, is it?

Yesterday, during circle time,

we were having a discussion
about Ralph's pet turtle

and Madeline interrupted and said that

she was unable to find any Norman Mailer

on our bookshelves.

Well, she is interested
in misanthropic characters.

Not surprising.

Are you suggesting that
Madeline is a misanthrope?

I am suggesting that she
is disruptive because...

because she is not challenged here.

I am suggesting that
she would be better off

at a school with a
more advanced curriculum

to keep her engaged.

Some place like the Caswell School.

I've never considered private school.

Well, I think it's time you should.

Hmm. Thank you for your time.

You do like school, don't you?

Of course I don't like school.

What do you mean? Why
didn't you tell me?

Nobody likes school. That's a fact.

That is not necessarily a fact,

and these are things
that you should tell me.

You have enough to worry about.

Amanda!

Mom, can Amanda come over today?

Her dad has to work late, and we
have to practice our secret language.

Of course.

[BOTH] Ank-thay yi-di-goo
iss-may zi-di-got.

[CHUCKLES] Come on, you two.

[KNOCKING]

I'm not here to pitch you again.
I'm just here to pick up Amanda.

And I wanted to say,

the chicken pot pie tasted
even better the next day.

I don't know how that's even possible.

Not at all surprising.

When the pie cools, the starch goes

through a process called retrogradation

where the molecules restructure
into a crystalline form.

The flavor compounds are
trapped in said structure,

which makes every bite more flavorful.

Yeah, I definitely tasted
the extra molecules.

Uh, quite delicious.

Come in. I'm making dinner.

I've never seen a kitchen like this.

That's because it is my lab
that I also happen to cook in.

The girls are in the back.

They're teaching our dog
their secret language.

[CHUCKLES] How's Amanda been?

Polite. Funny. Engaging.

Although, I should tell
you she did burst into tears

when I offered her ants on a log.

Y... Um, my wife used
to make that for her.

I'm so sorry. When did she pass?

Not dead. Divorced.

She's, uh... She's just

in Nevada somewhere on a trip
of spiritual enlightenment.

- [SIGHS]
- Hmm.

[SIGHS] I don't know how you do it.

- Do what?
- Keep all the balls in the air.

I've been a single dad
for all of three months,

and I feel like an
uncoordinated octopus.

Well, the best advice I ever got is
that no one is equipped to do this,

and then you expand.

You think you can't do it,
and then you do it anyway.

[INHALES DEEPLY] I
accidentally put a flask of gin

in her lunch pail last week.

Well, whatever gets her
through Mrs. Mudford's class.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Hmm?

Okay, here we go.

You know, this is why I
thought you'd be a TV star.

And why is that?

Because you respect your audience.

You don't talk down to people.

You meet them where they are,
and you somehow raise them up.

Well, if I were to consider it,
we'd have to be - partners.

That's not how it works.

Well, then it would never
work, because I won't be...

No, this would be your show.

You would be in charge of
virtually every aspect of it.

If I do my job right, no
one will even know who I am.

I am sending Mad to private
school. It's expensive.

- How much would the job pay?
- More than you've ever made.

My name is Walter, and I'll
be your tour guide for the day.

Uh, let's see. On your
right, hair and makeup.

- Oh, I can do that myself.
- No, you cannot.

This is Amos, the best
boy. He is a good man.

And what makes him the best?

- It's a job title.
- Mmm.

- And this is Matt and Robert.
- [MATT] Hi.

- Hello.
- [WALTER] Props.

What kind of props?

Whisks, spoons, miniature
ponies, whatever you need.

- Mmm.
- And these ladies...

- [ELIZABETH] Mm-hmm.
- ... already your biggest fans.

- Shari, Nancy, Lynn and Ronni.
- Hello.

So nice to meet you all.

- Mm-hmm. Okay. Now...
- [SHARI] Nice to meet you too.

- Coffee?
- Sure, how do you take it?

No, sorry, I get you
coffee. That's my job.

How do you take it?

Oh, I'm all set. Thank you.

[WALTER] All right. And finally...

the control room.

[ELIZABETH] Hello.

Then there's your new home.

Kenny, throw 'em on.

Morning, Mr. Pine.

[WALTER] Well, we put
our heads together,

came up with every
woman's dream kitchen.

[SIGHS]

Well? What do you think?

This is revolting.

[SMACKS LIPS] Okay, let's take a five.

- Okay. No, I hear your concerns.
- [ELIZABETH] Hmm.

Um, thing is, TV, it needs
to be inviting and fun.

Cooking is not fun. It is vital work.

Right. Okay, idea.

Let's think of the show as
the world's best dinner party.

- When you and Mr. Zott throw dinners...
- There is no Mr. Zott.

I am unmarried. I was never married.

[STAMMERS] You know what, can we...
Why don't we pick this up later?

So, your... [STAMMERS]
Was, uh, Mad's father...

- Was he stepping out on his wife?
- Oh, no. We were in love.

We were soulmates.

But he d*ed suddenly before
I knew I was pregnant.

Mmm. Um, I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry for you as
well, for your divorce.

Oh, no. [CHUCKLES] Don't
be. We weren't in love.

I don't even know if she has a soul.

You know what? This is what we do.

Think about this whole TV thing
as like a exciting new experiment.

- [PEN SCRATCHING]
- [HOST] ... let's meet four nice people here.

First of all, our champion...

- [PHONE RINGING]
- [HOST CONTINUES, INDISTINCT]

- Zott residence.
- [HARRIET] Hello, Miss Zott.

Just wanted to see if you and Mad wanted

to come over tomorrow for a barbecue.

Mention my new marinade.

[CHUCKLES] Well, Mad will be
there, but I may still be studying.

- Studying?
- TV.

How does one study TV?

Turn on channel .

Yep.

[CHARLIE] You got it?

[HARRIET] Got it.

- Okay.
- [ELIZABETH] Now, watch how often

the host smiles or laughs.

My God, why do they smile so much?

There is nothing smile-worthy
about life insurance,

but regardless, I am notating frequency.

I'm also correlating it with
the ratings in the TV Guide,

focusing specifically on the coveted
-to- -year-old demographic.

Is this genius or crazy? I can't decide.

I only have two more
weeks until the show airs,

so I don't have much time to study.

Hmm. Well, if you need a study
break, we'll be here grilling.

[CHARLIE] With my new
marinade. Bye, Elizabeth.

- [ELIZABETH] Bye, Charlie.
- I love you. I'll miss you.

I thought Charlie was done
with the graveyard shift.

[CLEARS THROAT] That's
what I thought too.

- Hmm.
- [ADVERTISER] Use the yellow pages:

The first place to look for anything.

Do I need a catchphrase? Does
every show have a catchphrase?

Don't overthink it.

Never understood what that meant.

[CHUCKLES] Goodbye, Miss Zott.

Goodbye, Mrs. Sloane.

[HOST] ... there goes the dirt.

Yes, sir, the secret words are...

- Now, honestly.
- [TV AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

[MAD] "In a word, I
had been too cowardly

to do what I knew to be right,

as I had been too cowardly to avoid
doing what I knew to be wrong."

What does that mean?

I think Pip is remembering
the times in his life

when he felt pressured
to do or not do things

because they were expected of him.

And that makes him a coward?

Six Thirty.

Hey, Mad, do you remember
Amanda's dad, Walter?

Do you think that I am
suffering from amnesia?

- We just saw him.
- [CHUCKLES]

W-What I meant to say is that

I'm going to be working
with him at the TV station.

So that means our afternoons are
going to look a little different.

But I like our afternoons.

I love our afternoons.

But I'm going to do what is
expected of me, much like Pip.

I don't get it. You're a scientist.

I will be doing science, just
in a kitchen with TV cameras.

Sort of like a teacher for people
who want to learn how to cook.

Plus, there are financial benefits.

I know it'll be tough, but
you say you don't like school,

and I'm wondering if Caswell...

you know, that big
school down by the park...

if it might be a better fit for you.

Do I have a choice?

I would like you to try it,

and you have full veto
power if you hate it.

[SIGHS] It sounds like I'm
trying it, and that's about that.

Full veto power. I promise.

I love you, bunny.

I love you too.

[ELIZABETH SIGHS]

[DIRECTOR] Three, two, one, action!

[ELIZABETH] "I'm Elizabeth Zott,
and this is Supper at Six. Do"...

Well, I can't read this.

And, Walter, I'm losing,
um, circulation in my arms.

Okay, no, good. Good, good, good, good.

This is good. This is why
we do dress rehearsals.

- Okay.
- And... And you look fantastic.

Yes. This dress would be
fantastic on a midsize child.

- [CHUCKLES]
- I'm an adult woman.

Good. I love that energy. Um,
and, you know... [STAMMERS]

Could we get bigger cards?

Oh, no, no, no... It's... It's not

that... It's not that I can't read it.

It's that my conscience
won't let me read that.

Uh, I have my own thing
prepared. May I? Or I... I will.

[REFRIGERATOR DOOR OPENS]

Ah.

- Three, two, one?
- Oh, you can just talk.

[ELIZABETH] Okay.

I'm Elizabeth Zott, and
this is Supper at Six.

Baking powder is an alkali

that will raise the pH
levels of your chicken skin

and will result in a crisp texture.

Mmm. I'm gonna take that back.

- [WALTER] Okay, Elizabeth...
- I'm E... Yes?

... if you make a
mistake, just keep going.

It's, uh... 'Cause the show is live.

- So, you know, we can't go back.
- That's right. Yes. My apologies.

That's right. That's
right. Okay. Mm-hmm. Okay.

Um... [CLEARS THROAT] ... all right.

As I was saying, baking
powder is a leavening agent

which elevates the pH
of the chicken skin.

In short, the skin
expands when you cook it.

The more surface area, uh,
the crispier the texture.

- Allow me to demonstrate...
- The skin's pH level? Is this a joke?

We're... We're still
finding the show's voice.

Big hair, tight dress, homey set. Check.

But we need a sexy wife, loving
mother that every man loves to see

when he comes home from work.

But this time, we aim to shrink
the square unit of our vegetables.

Square unit? What the f*ck is this?

- [SIGHS] Phil. [STAMMERS] Look.
- [PHIL STAMMERS]

- [SIGHS]
- I mean, the thing is,

not only is she a cook and a
mother, but she is also a chemist.

So I was thinking let's...
let's play up her credentials,

give housewives someone to aspire to.

- [ELIZABETH] ... releases tear gas.
- What are those?

Which is why I prefer goggles,

which are woefully absent
from cookware sets.

Phil, I think we can make
something meaningful here.

Meaningful? What are you, Amish? No!

We want tight dresses,
suggestive movements,

like the way she dons
her potholders just so.

And at the end of every show, she
should make her husband a cocktail.

I... I don't think Miss Zott

- is gonna be willing to...
- Why the f*ck would I care what she wants?

I-It's her show.

No, Walter. It's my show.

Hi, Six Thirty.

[ELIZABETH] Welcome home, Mad.

Here's your schedule for today.
: to : p.m., snack time.

There are deviled eggs in the fridge.

Suggestion: They're better with a
little paprika sprinkled on top.

: to : p.m., homework.

[DOOR CREAKS, CLOSES]

I always liked to do whatever my
least favorite subject was first.

It gets it out of the way.

: to : p.m., reading.

Read Great Expectations to Six
Thirty. We left off on page .

: to : p.m., Mrs.
Waterhouse will babysit,

or Linda will take you to
church for her choir practice.

Look both ways before you cross
the street, and don't forget:

God is not real, but we respect
other people's belief systems.

I'll be home for
dinner. I love you. Mom.

[GASPS]

- [DOOR OPENS]
- [LINDA] Mad! We gotta go!

Coming!

[ORGAN PLAYING]

[CHOIR CLAPPING]

♪ Pass me not O gentle savior ♪

♪ Hear my humble cry ♪

♪ While on others thou art smiling ♪

♪ Do not pass me by ♪

♪ Do not pass me by ♪

♪ Pass me not O gentle savior ♪

♪ Hear my humble cry... ♪

Hello. Who might you be?

I can't tell you yet
because I don't know you.

[WAKELY] That makes sense.

I'm Reverend Wakely. This is my church.

I'm Mad Zott. I don't have a church
because my mom says God isn't real.

I'm Linda's neighbor.

[SINGING, CLAPPING CONTINUE]

Oh, a family tree. How fun.

That's debatable.

- Debatable?
- It means arguable.

Yes, it does.

What have you got so far?

On my mom's side, I have Ezra and Iris,

but I don't have anything
on my dad's side yet.

I don't know where to start.

Why not just ask him?

He's dead.

I'm so sorry.

People say you can't
miss what you never had,

but I think people are wrong. Don't you?

I think people are very wrong.

And what are these?

Some clues I found in my dad's study,

which I never went through,
if anyone ever asks you.

But I don't know which school
he went to, so it's useless.

[WAKELY] See the winged bull?

That's how they draw St. Luke.

Your dad went to a
school called St. Luke's.

Now, which St. Luke's?

That's the question.

♪ Do not pass me by ♪

And that concludes our time.

Tomorrow on Supper at Six,
we will study colloids.

Although, I don't know why the
show is called Supper at Six.

It should be called Supper
at : . But here we are.

- [APPLAUDING]
- Walter, we need to discuss the title.

It's... [STAMMERS] It's
incredibly misleading.

Well... [STAMMERS] ...
we... we can discuss that.

- Mmm.
- And I just... Let's have a drink.

I don't really drink.

- I do.
- Okay.

I know what you're going to say,
and adjustments will be made.

I took notes.

The set: Altogether too cluttered.
Cue cards: Unnecessary, eliminate.

Wardrobe: Walter, this dress is
obscene, and I need my lab coat.

[SIGHS]

- What? You won't consider a lab coat?
- Elizabeth.

It has more surface area than an apron.

I don't understand why everyone
doesn't cook in a lab coat.

Elizabeth, it's not about the lab coat.

Phil hated the show.

Phil? Who's Phil?

He's the station owner.

I hate him. I hate him. I
hate him. I hate him so much.

He haunts me in my dreams.
He haunts me when I'm awake.

Do I care what Phil thinks?

No, I do not.

But... [SIGHS]

... I agree with him. We do
need to make some changes.

I knew this was going to happen, Walter.

- You said that this would be my show.
- Yeah, and it is. It is.

So make it yours.

You know what I love about TV?

Everything.

It has the power to
transport and entertain.

It can make you feel
a part of something.

The problem with the show today wasn't

a set problem or a wardrobe problem.

It... It's more I wanted to see
you be you. Not just a scientist.

But I am a scientist. That is who I am.

That may be.

But that's only a start.

["SOMEDAY BABY" PLAYING]

[MAD] Mrs. Mudford said I've been
doing really, really well in class.

I bit my tongue till it bled when she

had us draw penguins
with coats and hats.

- I guess she doesn't know...
- Hmm.

... that many groups of penguins
actually live below the equator.

Well, that is a common misconception.

And I haven't asked the
librarian for a single book!

And at the cafeteria,

- I didn't share my lunch with Amanda...
- Mad.

I understand that you're
nervous about switching schools.

But change is good. Change is evolution.

We're gonna split up. Do you wanna
do the butcher counter or dairy?

Can't I just stay with you?

Sure, bunny.

[SIGHS]

[SNIFFS]

- [ELIZABETH] Come in.
- [DOOR LOCK CLICKS]

So, um, small, tiny,
little change in plans.

- Nothing big. Uh...
- [ELIZABETH] Yes?

... really barely perceptible.

Walter.

Uh, we, um...

Uh, Supper at Six is airing
tonight. Today. Right now.

On TV? But we still have
two more weeks of rehearsals.

The reruns of the show that
you replaced are not performing.

And here's the thing.
Here's the good news.

And I maybe should've said this earlier.

We're the lowest-rated channel, so
very few people will be tuned in.

And, uh, Phil hates us,

and he actually may be doing this
as a reason to cancel the show.

So when you said you liaise with talent,

is this what you were referring to?

I did not say I was good at it.

Break a leg.

I am considering it.

[WALTER SIGHS]

[CREW MEMBER] Testing.
Testing. One, two, three.

Testing. Testing. One, two, three.

- Shari, take note of this placement.
- [SHARI] Mm-hmm.

Let's go! Let's go, people!

- Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
- [CLAPS]

We're live in five, four, three...
[MOUTHING WORDS] ... two, one.

I take cooking seriously,
and I know you do too.

I also know that your time is
precious, and, well, so is mine.

Is that a f*cking pencil? What
does she need a f*cking pencil for?

In my experience, people do not
appreciate the work and sacrifice

that goes into being a
mother, a wife, a woman.

Well, I am not one of those people.

At the end of our time here together,

we will have done something worth doing.

We will have created something
that will not go unnoticed.

We will have made supper,
and it will matter.

I prefer to have room
when I'm doing my work.

It reinforces that the work
we're doing together is important.

Um, Harry, would you mind
helping me clear these things?

And Eugene, Amos. Thank you.

[SIGHS]

Cooking is chemistry,
and chemistry is life.

Your ability to change everything,
including yourself, starts here.

Let's begin, shall we?

[JAZZ PLAYING]

[CONSULTANT] What worked
for you with the show?

I'm an insomniac, and
it put me right to sleep.

[CHUCKLES]

Potatoes are rich in vitamin C,
potassium and complex carbohydrates.

I stand proudly with the
overlooked workhorse of the kitchen:

Women and baked potatoes.

- [CHUCKLING]
- Yes?

- I actually thought that she was...
- Would it have k*lled her to smile?

Totally. And it looks like
she's got a good figure,

but she's hiding it
behind that weird coat.

I am putting cinnamon in my
chili. I've never done that before.

Don't be afraid to
experiment in the kitchen.

Fearlessness in the kitchen
equates to fearlessness in life.

Describe how you felt
watching the show in one word.

- Bored. [SIGHS]
- Punished.

- Drained. Depressed.
- Saddened. Lost.

Yes, your word?

- Capable.
- [SNORTS] Capable?

What the hell does that even mean?

And that is all we have time for today.

I hope you'll join me tomorrow

as we explore the fascinating
world of temperature

and how it affects taste receptor cells.

Children, set the table. Your mother
needs a moment to herself. [SIGHS]

- [DIRECTOR] And we're clear.
- [BELL RINGS]

[CHOIR] ♪ He's got the
whole world in his hands ♪

♪ He's got the whole world in his
hands He's got the whole world... ♪

I was hoping I would see
my new favorite detective.

[MAD] Hi, Mr. Wakely.

Oh, I hope I'm not
stepping on any toes, but...

here's a list of all the St. Luke's

in Alabama, Alaska, Arizona,
Arkansas, California, Colorado,

Connecticut and Delaware.

Now, it'll be up to you to get all
the way to Wisconsin and Wyoming.

Wow. How did you do this?

I got them from the yellow
pages at the library.

You go state by state and
look up all the St. Luke's.

And there's a lot too.

Churches tend not to have
the greatest imagination

when it comes down to names.

Why are you helping me?

Because people who don't ask
questions have blind faith,

and blind faith is the
furthest thing from faith.

- Can you say that again slower?
- [CHUCKLES]

- "How would you describe the host?"
- [PHONES RINGING]

"Stuck up." "Unpleasant."
"Didn't smile once."

[ELIZABETH] Smile?

Do surgeons smile while
performing appendectomies? No.

Would you want them to? No.

- Mr. Lebensmal?
- Not now.

If I tell you to smile,
you're gonna f*cking smile.

I will not.

[STAMMERS] I think what
Elizabeth is trying to say...

He knows what I'm saying
because I'm saying it.

- Listen to me, young lady.
- [RINGING CONTINUES]

I am the owner of this station.

- Do you understand?
- [ELIZABETH] Mm-hmm.

Will someone answer
those f*cking phones?

[CLEARS THROAT] You
cannot just come in here

and do whatever the hell you want.

I am not doing whatever the hell I want.

If I was, I would be in a research lab.

[SIGHS] Let me explain something to you.

Men are always trying to explain,

and women are expected
to sit and listen.

I do not want this job,
but I need the money

and I will work harder than anyone

to make this a show that I am proud of.

But you want a show that perpetuates
the myth that women are imbeciles

and the biggest decision of their day

is what color they're
gonna paint their nails.

I will not do that,

and there is no amount of
menace that will change my mind.

A man wants his wife to make him
a drink after a long day at work.

So make the f*cking drink.

Why do you assume that his
day was longer than hers?

Why don't you make the f*cking drink?

- [SHARI] Mr. Lebensmal.
- What?

We're getting a lot of
calls about the show.

Some confusion about
tomorrow's ingredients.

Specifically, CH COOH.

Acetic acid. Uh, vinegar.
It's % acetic acid.

I'm sorry. I should've put
the list in layman's terms.

- [CHUCKLES]
- [RINGING CONTINUES]

We might need to hire a few more girls

if the phones keep going like this.

[SECRETARIES CHATTERING]

Uh, if you hold on, I can get
you that information in a second.

[CLEARS THROAT] CH COOH is vinegar.

Supper at Six, can you hold?

[RINGING CONTINUES]

Hello. Supper at Six.

Hello, Supper at Six. This is Elizabeth.

Yes, that Elizabeth.

I'm so happy that you liked the show.

[PHIL GROANS]

["AFRODISIA" PLAYING]

- [AUDIENCE GASPING]
- [CHUCKLES]

- What you're seeing is combustion.
- Yes.

The effect is dramatic,
but the science is simple.

- Best served with cake.
- [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

[LAUGHS] I don't think
I've ever curtsied before.

Well, there's a first time for
everything. And a last. [LAUGHS]

I'll see you tomorrow.

Children, set the table. Your mother
needs a moment to herself. [SIGHS]

[DOOR LOCK CLICKS]

Hello. Sorry, I'm a little late.

A little?

[SIGHS] Well, these women drove
all the way from San Francisco

and had a million questions
about churned butter.

And I had to go over the
supply list with the crew and...

[SIGHS] Well, it doesn't matter.

What did I miss?

Everything.

Well, there's only one
thing to do I suppose.

["CALL ME ANYTHING" PLAYING]

So tell me. Tell me everything.

Everyone that I've met
at Caswell so far seems

polite and smart and there to learn.

Well, the library is big.

I checked out The Real
Life of Sebastian Knight,

and so far, it's a pretty good book.

- [SERVER] I am so sorry to interrupt...
- It...

... but I watch your show every
day and the episode about soufflés

and rising to the occasion
was really inspiring.

My sister was afraid to
ask her boss for a raise,

but I just told her what you said.

That "fear is simply neurotransmitters
reacting to a perceived thr*at."

And she got it. She got the raise.

Wow. [STAMMERS] That is fantastic.

[SOFTLY] I'm gonna bring
you a free piece of cobbler.

Thank you.

Cobbler.

I'm sorry. Mad, will you please
tell me more about your book?

- [SIGHS] Well...
- [SERVER] Okay, here we go.

Oh, and I am so sorry, could you
just please sign this? [CHUCKLES]

Mmm. Of course.

[SERVER] Thank you. [CHUCKLES]

- Wow. Thank you. [CHUCKLES]
- Thank you.

Again, I'm very sorry.
You have my full attention.

Can we just go home?

Why don't we finish our
dinner, and then we'll go home.

Okay.

["DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S
LIKE TO BE LONESOME" PLAYING]